10x03 - Dyck Meat

[bunniefuu]

You were having
a wee bit of a spats

with your pal the other day.

- You did it on purpose.
- No I never.

- You did it on purpose!
- No I never!

- You did it on purpose!
- No I nevers!

- How're ya now.
- Can't you see

- we're having a spat?
- That's a Texas-sized 10-4.

Well, don't you feels compelled
?

Well, people are allowed to
disagree and what have you.

Well yeah, but usually when
we're having a spat

- you intervene and all that.
-?

Could you at least ask us what
the problems is?

- Okay.
- Okay.

Okay.

'Kay.

What's the problem?

Katy's big tarts.
- What's that?

Oh, I just love Katy's baked
tarts.

Youse, uh... trying to provoke
me here?

They're perfect.
Katy's got perfect tarts.

I feel like youse know full well
what youse are doing.

- I just love those tarts.
- So I've gathered.

Mercy, those big, soft tarts
of hers.

- So we crushed a tub of 'em.
- Did youse eat a whole tub?

Well okay, there was two tubs,
and so we only crushed

one of the tubs, so there's
still a tub left.

There was f*cking 19 to a tub.

Neither of us is prouds about
eatins a whole tub.

Well, I didn't see an empty tub
on the counter.

Well, that's because we washed
and dried and put away the tub

so that you wouldn't've seen
that we ate the tub.

- Sneaky as the Dickens.
- So we get to the bottom

of the tub and there's one left,
so we decide to split it.

So Dan's gonna take a bite and
then hand me the other half.

It's good of you to give him
the dividing bite.

Well, that's what I thought it
was, too.

I expressed my appreciations on
.

And then he ate the whole thing!

- You did not.
- It was on accident!

- He did.
- You did n.

- It was on accident!
- Yes he did do that to Darry!

It was on accidents, Darrys!

How do you accidentally eat a
full tart when

you previously agreed to go
halves on the tart?

- I'm gonna say!
- Well you can get saying!

- Go on and say it!
- I'm gonna say!

- Well you can get saying!
- Go on and say it!

I'm gonna day, Darrys!

So...

Katy's got those
big old tarts.

- Come off it.
- I mean, Lord, I'd have one

of them tarts down my gullet all
hours of the day if I could.

Ah, I'm just dreaming of Katy's
big ol' tarts in my hands.

Move... f*ckin' onwards.

So I goes to takes the dividing
bites of the tarts,

and the other half of the tart
just crumbles

right theres in my hands!

- That'll happen.
- So it's either let

the crumbled half just fall
right there on the floor

or I just hoover up
the other halfs!

You know I eat stuff off
the floor!

You know that I eat stuff
off the floor!

Darry's always eating thing off
the floor.

He's right! I'm always eating
things up off the floor!

Surprised he isn't eating
something off the floor

right now.

It's not my fault the tarts
crumbled.

- Tarts crumbles all the time.
- Almost every day.

I mean, I was just as surprised
as everyone,

'cause you know that Katy's
ta.

You coulda' put the tub
unde!

We'd already washed and dried
and put away the tub, Darry!

Sneaky as the Dickens!

That doesn't change that I still
eat things off the floor!

I always eat things off
the floor,

and I'm never backing down
from that. Never!

Hey, gents.

Where's this end?

Does anyone want the other half
of this?

I believes my good buddy
Darry's woulds.

Hey, thanks, good buddy,

It's just too much.

Why are my tarts so big?

- DAN/
Makes them perfect
for sharings with a pal.

Come off it!

Schmellies. If he needs a hand,
I'm happy to lend one.

Just as long as his daughters
aren't there.

What, you got something against
daughters, Darry?

Well, just those daughters in
particular.

Ain't much wrong with
the sisters though, eh?

Hello unto ye.

He's a bit spooked
this glorious day.

Best I stroke this big Dyck 'til
he calms once. There.

Almost there. There.

What a miraculous day the Lord
hath made.

Let us be glad and rejoice for
he is inside all of us.

Noah, how are you now?

"Noah" worse off than the next
guy, I suppose.

Daniel!
- I haven't seen ye in--

The age of dog once, yep.

- Darryl.
- What can we do for you?

Wayne, your community has always
used us right. Hopefully--

You feel as though
we've used you right.

- Once.
- You said it at least twice.

- Twice once?
- Eh, at least twice.

- Least twice once?
- Twice or more.

- Not once or twice once?
- At least twice.

- Twice or more once.
- Can confirm.

Wayne, you've been a great
friend unto me

for many years now.

- Okay.
- For banging the boxes

summer last, I feel the great
need deep within me

to repay you
for the kindnesses shown,

the very best way I know how.

- Oh, here we go.
- Well, how's that?

With a sausage party!
- Wait, first a box hammer,

- and now...
A which?

- A sausage party.
- Well,.

I've spent the majority of mine
adult life

stuffing my meat into casings.

It's thrilling work, rewarding
and exhausting,

yet I won't rest until my
sausage has touched

the back of your throats.

- Well, I do's loves sausages.
- Me too.

Like, I love it so much.

I'd feel a bit better if we
could bring a date.

Ah, I'm afraid there's only one
rule at a sausage party.

No women allowed.

Okay, so he meant literally
as well as figuratively.

Are your daughters
going to be around?

Not today. They're having
a party with mine wife

- in our very own kitchen.
- That's a good thing.

Besides, a sausage party is
a .

off a little steam.

I'm not sure we can make it,
Noah.

Darryl, you silly gosling!
I h!

- Right. sh**t.
- It's today!

- We'll be there.
- I love sausages.

Me too. Like, it's so god.

What goes on at a sausage party?

Well, Darryl, it sounds like
it's a party

where guys eats a lot of
sausages.

Like, literally,
a sausages party.

But also it's a dudes-only
party,

so figuratively it's a sausages
party as well.

Daniel, I must confess,
you are testing the limits

of my one-room schoolhouse
education

with all those fancy words.

I know that Mennonites aren't
exactly known for having

a wagon-load of grey matter.

But f*ck can they run...

Still, I do wish I could give
mine children great brain.

Alas, it's of no matter.
So what sayeth ye?

I won't take "Noah"
for an answer.

- So no daughters?
- No, not on this day.

- What about sisters?
- Daniel, time will tell.

By the looks of the sun,
it's fast approaching noon.

- It's 3 pm.
- I'd best.

It's as much for your benefit
as mine.

For ye haven't truly lived

until you've had Dyck meat
in your mouth.

- Bugs and Daffy.
- Stewart!

The f*ck are you vampires
doing here?

This is where we get...
dirty.

What are you doing here?

The supplement store...
is that way.

I didn't know Letterkenny had
a supplement store.

Where?

Yeah, uh... you know the bridge
by the Kinsmen pool

- that goes over top of the dam?
Yeah.

Oh, just walk halfway across it
and jump off.

Stewart!

I never noticed a supplement
store there, buddy.

- Let's look on our way back.
- Yeah.

I'm gonna buy the Dynamic
Stimulant free core

- slimming complex.
- Nice.

I'm out of my Nexo Bionic extra
strength

advanced multi-probiotic.

- Bet you they have it.
- I hope so.

- On your way back where?
- Play Chel.

- My crib's around the corner.
- Your mom's crib--

Roald!
You wanna rip some Chel?

Roll up.

- Sure. Yeah.
- Cool.

But yo, let's actually stop by
that suppy store

on the way home.
I'm out of my amino nitrate

sodium bicarbonate beta alanine
creatine with BCAAs.

Sick! I'm out of my amino acid
up and recovery

3-in-1 macro tracking exogenic
ketones.

- Bet you they have it.
- I hope so!

Don't forget you
Flintsto)

- Wilma's my favourite flavour!
- I prefer Fred.

Noted.

Sausage seekers! Ye came!

Well, it woulda been rudes
not to.

- Half rude.
- You don'.

I wasn't half rude.

Well, not coming would be whole
rude.

Well, in which case,
I'd rather be half rude.

- You never wanna be half rude.
- Well, I wasn't half rude.

Good. 'Cause you don't wanna
be half rude.

I must confess, my first batch
of sausages did not turn out

to the usual Dyck standards.

Shameful, but I blew a load
right here in the yard.

Luckily mine daughters were here
to clean it up

and even eat what could be
salvaged.

What a treat it was to watch my
own children enjoy my load,

despite its premature
completion.

Even the dog wandered over and
began to suck up the excess--

Good enough!

Praise be, this next batch will
remain firmly in my hands.

Breathe deeply.

For the air is thick with
the sweet scent of Dyck meat.

Come! Let us gather by the fire
and devour endless sausages

with our mouths together
as men.

I don't care how gross
you makes it sound.

Leads me to that meats.
Is Lavinas on the properties?

Time will soon tell, Daniel.

By the looks of the sun, why,
it's almost afternoon.

- It's evening.
- Trust.

My sausages will remove all
thoughts of women.

I care how gross
he makes it sound.

What'd I tell you about being
half rude?

- Well, I wasn't half rude.
- .

Well, I wasn't half rude.

Hey, what's your favourite
football movie?

- Rudy.
- Is it really?

I would've thought you said
Varsity Blues.

-
- You fucker!

- Spellbinding!
- Hot.

Breathtaking.

I'm gonna come on my coveralls,
Stewart!

Have you ever seen such
primitive emotion?

Primal.

I think it's called
"toxic masculinity."

Oh, gonna f*cking gack me up
with it.

Gack all over me with it.

This isn't fair, buddy!

You had home ice advantage, bro!

We're taking the Chel station
back to our billet mom's,

- and you can play us there!
- On our home ice this time!

- Let's go, Reilly!
- Let's go, Jonesy!

f*ck!

Did they just invite us over?

- I'm glad they had fun.
-

Before our sausage party begins,
let us take a moment

to thank the good Lord for this
"meat-up".

Join hands.

I'll links for links.

Lord, we thank ye for
the beautiful bounty

ye hath bestowed on us this
glorious day.

Bless this meal as to thy
ser.

We pray this for Jesus' sake.
Amen.

That wasn't so bad.

Okay, now... pork.

The aroma doth make
the mouth water.

You wanna know what,
it really does.

Kinda reminds me of the Kinsmen
barbeque from last year.

Yeah.
You got MVG.

- Yeah.
- Most Valuable Griller.

Ah, put it on a t-shirt for me,
thought that was pretty neat.

Wayne, for mercy's sake,
at least give me a chance

to b*at your meat.

'Kay.

Well, that's a relief.
Some help serving?

- It'd be my pleasures.
- I always say,

there's only two things a man
needs in life.

Sausage and spit.
Why, I e

every opportunity I get.

Daniel, my wife constructed
a smoker for us.

Won't ye do me the honours of
parting her meat curtains?

-
- Oh...

You tricked the cards!
Tricked the cards!

- Ex-squeeze me?

- You tricked the cards!
- You mean, like,

- "stacked the deck?"
- He admits it! He admits it!

You downloaded some funky
dark web sh*t onto your system

and that's why you dummied us!

You speed-bagged us, boys!

You f*cking... rigged all this!

- How dare you?
- Stewart.

How dare you accuse us of using
the... dark web

to gain a gaming
competitive edge!

That is a one-way ticket
to C.

Have you guys been drinking
Chel-o sh**t?

How dare you.

'Cause you're acting like a
bunch of children.

- How dare you!

It's one bombshell after another
in this rumpus room!

Let me give it to you in
a nut-Chel.

We are through walking on
egg-Chels with the two of you.

Perhaps you pick up some
beta blockers

- at the supplement store.
- Yeah, take a Chel pill.

- Yeah.
- Yeah!

Just don't forget where it is.

Just walk halfway across
the bridge,

overtop of the dam,
and jump off!

- Let's go, Roald.
- Yeah, let's go, Roald.

Thank you.

- Huh?
- Huh?

First let's start with
the wurst.

- Oh, I gots a thirst for wurst.
-

I've been known to show
a kielbasa who's boss-ah.

Charcuterie-style mettwurst.

Soft, moist,
melts in the mouth once.

You don't have to tell me twice.

Bratwurst. Coarse, juicy.

Made from pork.

Pork, you say?
Excuse me's for pigging outs.

Knackwurst.

Pork and garlic,
often highly seasoned.

Well, never so bad
it couldn't be wurst.

Weisswurst.

These... wurst...

Hey, Noah, which sausage makes
the funniest sounds?

Why, I don't know, Daniel.

Frankfarters.

Uh-oh! This one looks like
a franksquirter.

- Stewart.
- Mary-Kate.

- Roald.
- Ashley.

Um, this is your Chel station
from when we booked it

out of your house earlier.

Um, this is your Chel
station from when

we booked it out of your house
earlier.

- Get over here!
- Whoop!

Um, anyway, you were right to
'chel' us off earlier.

Oh?

Yeah, we... we deserved it,
boys.

Guess we thought we were
better at that game

than we actually are.

You are no
Alexander Graham Chel.

-
- Do you know who that is?

I don't know who that is.

We don't know who that is,
but I dunno,

we just wanted to say something
like... sorry.

- Yeah, like, we regret it.
- Why?

You gotta be able to take
the.

It doesn't matter if it's Chel
or the National League, boys.

don't get too
high, don't get too low.

- Too high.
- Too high!

Gotta approach life with
a playoff mentality, boys.

- So...

- Later.
-

- Stewart!
- Yo!

Where you heading?

We were gonna go check out that
new supplement store

you were telling us about

-
- I don't know what to do.

I don't know what to do either.

You guys, uh, ever play FIF'.

You ever, uh, FIF-it?

Yeah, I've sampled
the FIF' brisket.

- FIF-ing it real?
- Commander in FIF.

Two things we do not
joke around about.

Schneef and FIF'.

Let's say we turn over a new
FIF'.

- Shotty Brazil!
- We'll go check out

that supplement store another
time, buddy.

Supplement store is going
nowhere, bro!

Ninja dust!

Delicious.

That's not so bad, is it, Darry?

Key to the day was
the daughters away.

I wouldn't've minded seeing
the sisters, though.

Oh, pardon me, brethren.

I just had
my funny bone jerked.

Not sure I've had my bone jerked
quite that hard before.

- But in speaking of daughters--
- No.

- And of sisters...
- Yes.

- It's time... to come inside.
- Why?

Well, that's where the Dyck
suckers are.

I don't want to go in there.

Well, fine, I'll bring them
out here.

Charity Dyck! Chastity Dyck!
Anita Dyck!

Ah, my little Dyck suckers.

Charity is leading Bible study
.

Darryl.

Sweetest, stickiest treat
a man could ever eat.

Our sap runneth over.

- Daniel.
- Lavinas.

Judging by the sun, it's just
past suppertime.

- This is correct.
- Dessert?

Please and thank yous.

Can I interest any of yous in
some Dyck milk?

No thank you.

Don't be shy. We have an awful
lot of it.

In fact, enough to make a long
hot summer of Dyck cheese.

Oh, I do love your Dyck cheese.

♪ With the dawn, this light
moving over your eyes ♪

♪ Life is something you... ♪

♪ ...Up in the sky
drifting body... ♪

♪ ...Dancing ♪

♪ No escape in sight... ♪

♪ And we'll all come down ♪