02x13 - A Boss, a Bear Claw and a Defibrillator

[bunniefuu]

What'd you buy at the mall?

Pimento cheese log.

Never disappoints.

Hi, guys.

Welcome to the Valley Hills party bus.

No music but lots of pills.

- How'd the appointment go?
- Oh, uh...

What was it for?
Was it kidneys? Ticker? What?

Fibromyalgia?

- What's that?
- When you hurt all over.

- Oh, I have that.
- Oh, I got that.

It was for my heart arrhythmia.

All my tests came back normal.

I can go home now.

Nice.

- Congratulations.
- Good for you.

Thanks. I'm really excited.

- Oh, we'll miss you.
- NORMA: Yeah.

You're the only man here
who knows when he's farting.

- [HORN HONKS]
- [GASPING]

- Gabby!
- What now?

Sorry.

Hit the wrong pedal again.

GABBY: You wanted to see me?

Yeah, come on in. Close the door.

I'm all sticky.

- Got to take off my bra.
- No, wait. No.

Okay, fine.

Um... [CLEARS THROAT]

Before I say anything,

remember: you are not
talking to Gina your friend,

you are talking to Gina your boss.

Does either Gina have candy in her desk?

No. [SIGHS] Listen, um...

There have been some
complaints about your driving.

If this is about the kid on the bike,

he was scared, but he was fine.

[SIGHS] You have forgotten
to pick up residents.

You drive too fast.

You tried to do donuts
in a church parking lot.

Correction: did do donuts.

And some of the residents said
they never felt more alive.

They said they were lucky to be alive.

Gabby,

I can't let you drive the van anymore.

What? No.

I love driving the van.

I'm sorry. I don't have a choice.

Ow!

[DOOR CLOSES]

- ♪ The more you give ♪
- ♪ The more you give ♪

- ♪ The more you live ♪
- ♪ The more you live ♪

♪ Your happiness is relative ♪

♪ And if you're feeling like crap ♪

♪ It's time to face the fact ♪

♪ It's your prerogative ♪

♪ Your prerogative ♪

♪ To be positive ♪

What up, G? [CHUCKLES]

Hey, what are you doing?

Well, I need to use your laundry.

A month on the road really
shows up in the skivvies.

That's upsetting.

That's life.

Jerry! I heard the good news!

DREW: Yeah, congratulations!

You finally get to go home.

Can't wait. Tomorrow night
when I plop down on the couch,

I won't have to worry about
sitting on someone's teeth.

I am so happy for you.

Ugh, it never occurred to me

that someone might leave
here, you know, alive.

What're you gonna do first?

I'll probably check in with my peeps,

go to the city for dinner

and reactivate the old Tinder account.

Uh-oh. Watch out, ladies.

Watch out, everyone. [CHUCKLES]

Got to go pack some things.

Hey, so, uh, you want
to grab lunch later?

I can't. I have to drive
the van this afternoon.

- What happened to Gabby?
- The residents were complaining,

so I told her she can't
drive the van anymore.

C-E-Oh, no, you didn't. [CHUCKLES]

Yeah, but now I have
to find a replacement.

I could do it.

- What?
- Yeah.

I have van experience.

Plus, old people love me.

They think I'm one of them.

That's because you say
things like "skivvies."

You'd really be willing to help me out?

It doesn't pay much.

Oh, come on. You don't need to pay me.

You're letting me live
in your parking lot.

It's the least I could do.

[SIGHS] Wow, thank you.

The residents will
never again have to hear,

[IMITATING GABBY]: "Hang on,
I'm gonna try something."

Oh. On the right is
the Outback Steakhouse

where I had my fifth
grade graduation dinner.

[AUSTRALIAN ACCENT]:
Crikey, mate, you're off

to middle school. Good on you. [LAUGHS]

Outback?

Australia?

Anybody?

It's nice having a man drive the van.

Women get too emotional,

on account of their cycles.

Spend enough time with
him, Drew has cycles, too.

Speaking as an actual old person,

why are you driving like one?

Safety first, second and third.

Nary a complaint shall be heard.

All right.

Here we are, Jerry, your condominium,

or as they say in Africa,
"your Congo-minium."

[LAUGHS]

Imagine driving with him

through Intercourse, Pennsylvania.

[GIGGLING] Intercourse.

JERRY: Well...

I hate long goodbyes.

- Great, get out.
- We'll miss you.

Don't forget about us, kid.

Oh, don't worry, I won't.

Don't you forget about me.

- No.
- Not a chance.

Well...

bye.

Bye.

[DOOR CLOSES]

Sure gonna miss ol' what's-his-name.

[SCOFFS]

These sign-out sheets are a mess.

Do you even look at what people write?

No. Why?

Well, for starters,

there's no one here named Soupy Sales.

Not anymore. He signed out.

I'll take those, driver.

Ah, it's Drew.

Stay in your lane.

Would you two ladies help me
pick out one of these dresses

for a special occasion?

Ooh, big date with Spencer?

It's my great-grandson's baptism.

I want to look doable.

Sure.

What are you doing?
You have to stay here.

If Drew can drive the van,
he can watch the desk.

You know, I was a hall monitor

for four years in my high school.

They actually asked me
back first year of college.

Not the brag you think it is.

But fine, come on.

Um, you're taking your meds, right?

- [SIGHS]
- [PHONE RINGING]

It's a beautiful day at Valley Hills,

how may I help you?

All right, I'll transfer you.

Hello?

Oh, you're still there.

Um... Just one moment. [CHUCKLES]

Hey, what are you doing here?

Oh, you know, just helping out,

manning the front desk, driving the van.

A Drew-of-all-trades, if you will.

You want to help Mr. Lambert
change his colostomy bag?

Well, not "of all trades."

Seniors treating you well?

They're great. I'm learning a ton.

Did you know that in the s

you could get a banana split
and a shoeshine for a quarter?

Oh, yeah, they love
telling the gay, Black man

how great life was in the ' s.

Hey, we're all getting together at
the Mexican place across the street

for happy hour after work.
You want to come?

Yeah, I am so in.

Uh, I do have a question.

Do you share chips and guac?

I just feel that's a bit unsanitary.

You know what? I'll do it.
I'll do it. [CHUCKLES]

Yeah.

[PHONE RINGING]

It's a beautiful day at Valley Hills,

how may I help you?

Oh, you got disconnected?

I don't know how that happened.

Um, one moment, please.

Woah, that sh*t was,
like, from half-court.

- [CHEERING ON TV]
- [PHONE RINGING]

Hey, kid.

Are you watching this game?

Yeah, that sh*t was crazy.

I wanted to see it on replay,

but instead I'm looking at Ryan Seacrest

eating cotton candy and
winking at the camera.

He does work hard, though.

So, how are things at Valley Hills?

We had soup for lunch.

Ooh, what kind?

Hot.

I'm trying to watch the game.

Uh, me, too. I'll-I'll call you back

if it goes into overtime.

I can't wait.

Ditto. [CHUCKLES]

[INDISTINCT CROWD CHATTER]

Hey.

You watching the game?

Yeah.

- Morning.
- [GASPS] Good morning!

I got my favorite boss
her favorite drink...

A nonfat, bone-dry cappuccino.

Ooh, thank you.

I also got her an
assortment of pastries,

including un croissant.

[BRITISH ACCENT]: Or perhaps
a cranberry scone, guv'nah.

I forgot, you are a lot in the morning.

Actually, I'm a bit tired.

Tough to rouse the old bag of bones

after getting hit by
the passion fruit margarita bus.

Oh, you went out last night? With who?

The work crew.

That Bert guy is hilarious.

You ever see him blow
bubbles out of his nose?

So, you guys all went out for drinks?

Yeah. I got so tipsy, I
almost forgot to floss.

How come no one invited me?

Don't be upset, it's just
a regular Thursday thing.

There's a regular Thursday thing?

Oh, um...

Well, they probably just
figured you were busy,

being the boss and all.

I am, but I still want to hang.

I'm sure it was just an oversight.

Every Thursday night?

Uh-oh.

Somebody needs a bear claw.

[ROARS]

So, what do you think? Does it fit?

The only one left was a ladies' medium.

It's a little roomy. You
could probably get away

with a ladies' small.

- What's up, boss?
- Hey.

Hi.

Gideon, your rounds should
have started five minutes ago.

Oh, I was just having my coffee first.

Great, if someone dies

because they didn't get their meds,

we'll list the cause of death as:

"I was just having my coffee first."

[CHUCKLES] Torched.

And you need to refill
the hand sanitizer stations,

unless you're too hungover
from happy hour.

How does she know about happy hour?

Yeah, that's weird.

I may have said something.

I definitely said something.

Why would you do that?

- I thought she was invited.
- It's an employee hang.

You can't vent about
the boss to the boss.

That's like confiding in your boyfriend

about the guy you hooked up with.

You're the one who wanted
an open relationship, Keith.

Uh, come on, this is Gina.

She's your boss, but
she's also your friend.

If we did invite her, I bet
she'd pick up the check.

We don't really take
advantage of her being rich.

'Cause we're good people.

Well, that stops right now.

Hey, guys!

Oh, there she is.

Thank you so much for inviting me.

Don't be silly.

We just want to hang with you.

Yeah, but we can't stay late.

Everybody here is kind of on a budget.

Not tonight you're not.

[EXCITED CHATTER]

Gideon, why don't you
get us a couple orders

of shrimp fajitas.

[SCATTERED CHEERS]

Hell yes! [CHUCKLES]

Um, but seriously,
I can't have shellfish.

Diarrhea, I remember.

Um, so... [CLEARS THROAT]

what're you guys talking about?

Just getting to know the new guy.

Heard you're living in the parking lot.

Oh, just until I figure out
my next move.

FYI, you ever need to shower,

the sprinklers come on
every night at : a.m.

GINA: Gabby,

I really want tonight
to be like old times.

Me, too. Remember how we'd
get hammered and dance on the bar?

Uh, only reason I wore underwear.

- Mmm! Yikes. That is salty.
- [CHUCKLES]: Yeah.

Oh, you want salty, you should hear

Althea talk about her ex-husband.

[CHUCKLES]

He slept with my sister.

I'm glad it's funny to you.

Um, Bert, uh, this reminds me,

I think we should cut back on the sodium

in the residents' meals.

You got it.

That's salt, right?

Hey, while I have you all,
let's make a mental note

to check the smoke alarms next week.

It's battery changing
season. What-what!

Gina, we don't usually talk work here.

Oh, right. Right, right. Sorry.

Yeah, um, we're off the clock.

Hey, what are you doing this weekend?

Oh, I'm actually taking Monday off.

I'm going on a hiking
trip with some friends.

Oh, that sounds great.

Just remember to put in
your time card tomorrow

'cause they're due on Friday now.

Gabby, you sent that
email to everyone, right?

I could check, but I sent
it from my work computer,

and we're not at work.

Starting to feel like it.

So sorry. So, so, so sorry.

[CHUCKLES] Okay. No more work talk.

[SIGHS]

[MUSIC PLAYING FAINTLY]

This isn't completely work-related,

but I was thinking
about taking an ad out

for Valley Hills in the AARP Magazine.

That's the American
Association of Retired People.

What-what. [CHUCKLES]

Spencer, if you're gonna be my partner,

you got to wear your readers.

I don't need 'em.

Oh, really?

What card is this?

Back up a little.

Hi, guys.

- Hey, kiddo.
- Hey, Jerry.

So, you gave my spot to Bert?

Yeah, we needed a fourth.

I'm just learning the game.

Yet somehow you've won every hand.

Dumb luck.

Yeah, unless you're hustling us.

Norma, look at this man.

Which one do you think it is?

[CHUCKLES]

It's up to you, Spencer.

Oh, dear, I hope this is right.

All right, guys, good seeing you.

I'm gonna go check out
the action in the day room.

See if I can rustle
up a game of Yahtzee.

- Okay, have fun.
- See you later, kid.

- See you, guys.
- We'll see ya.

Hearts? Anybody?

Oh, poop.

Whoa, Jerry!

Hey, what happened to
you guys last night?

Why did you take off so early?

Oh, I, uh, got a text from my landlord.

My apartment flooded, uh, from
the bathtub right above it.

No way! Me, too!

Okay. What's going on?

Well, no offense,

but you kind of turned
the night into a staff meeting.

I thought that, too!

No, I didn't.

You talked about time cards, Gina.

Time cards.

And exciting new breakthroughs
in catheter hygiene.

So, I mentioned a couple
work things. No big deal.

It's all you care about anymore.

Well, I'm sorry I'm
worried about people

who could drop dead at any second.

Not you guys, you're doing great.

That's fine, but...

when's the last time we really hung out,

or you called to just catch up?

[BEEPING]

Oh, God! That's Norma's alert.

Spencer and Harry's, too.

Is everything okay? What happened?

Jerry fainted.

It must be my arrhythmia.

- We should get you to a hospital.
- I'll drive.

ALL: No!

I don't need to go to the hospital.

I can see my doctor tomorrow.

Oh, you shouldn't be alone tonight.

Uh, why don't you just stay here?

Your old room is still empty.

- I guess, if you think that's best.
- GINA: Yeah.

Welcome back to Shawshank, kid.

Come on. I'll walk you. There you go.

- GINA: You got it? All right.
- You all right?

You still think I care
too much about work?

I care about the residents.

I care more.

I got the defibrillator.

Jerry's okay.

Oh, good.

Anybody want to try this baby on me?

Hey, Gina.

Gina?

What? Oh, h-hi.

You okay?

You're staring into that
fire like you want to jump in.

Oh...

You don't want to hear it.

Normally, but for you
I'll make an exception.

[SIGHS] It's just...

My friends don't get how hard my job is.

I can't just turn it off to go hang.

Mm-hmm.

Did I ever tell you about
the body shop I owned?

I don't think so.

Yeah, I opened it right
after Beth was born.

I was terrified that I would fail,

so I-I pretty much lived there.

See, you get it.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah. I couldn't...

I couldn't think of anything
else, do anything else,

and sometimes I even slept in my office.

I fell asleep in my car a few weeks ago.

I woke up in the middle of the night

and saw Bert showering
in the sprinklers.

[CHUCKLES]

He's an odd bird.

[LAUGHS]

Anyway,

so, about a year later,

I came home one night
and Meredith was gone.

Took Beth and went to her sister's.

Didn't she understand you were
just trying to build a business?

No, she was trying to get my attention.

See, I was so consumed
with providing for my family

that I... I forgot I had one.

[SIGHS] But, uh, you
still had responsibilities.

You couldn't just walk
away from the shop.

No, no, no, but...

but a few nights a week,

I made sure that I'd be home for dinner.

And Sundays were for Beth and Meredith.

So, you see, I found a balance.

Hmm. You know,

when you're willing to talk,

you're, uh,

you're actually pretty good at it.

You know the old saying:

"I may have been born yesterday,

but I stayed up late last night."

Uh, would you, uh, like some wine?

No, no, no. I don't want to mix wine

with my bourbon.

- Nice sh*t.
- Thanks.

I put a little English on it.

Uh, that's still okay to say, right?

I think so.

GIDEON: So, Jerry,

I had a doctor look at
the EKG we did for you.

Your heart rhythms are totally normal.

- Really?
- DREW: Yeah.

It must've been something else.

I mean, obviously you
didn't faint for no reason.

That's interesting.

I'll schedule a doctor's appointment

and get to the bottom of it.

Jerry.

Tell Gideon what's going on.

And also tell Drew.

I was lonely at my place.

I missed everybody.

So you pretended to faint to stay here?

I really like Valley Hills.

I learned to play boccie.

I take art classes.

I have friends, and not just on Xbox.

I understand that, but you
need to tell Gina the truth.

Yeah, I'm sure she'd
love for you to stay.

You don't think it's
weird that a -year-old

wants to stay in a retirement home?

Oh, it's definitely weird.

But one thing I learned
while living on the road is,

you got to do what makes you happy.

Wh-What if what makes you happy is

socially unacceptable
and possibly illegal?

You want to elaborate on that?

No, he doesn't.

Welcome back, Jerry.

Yeah, welcome back.

You wanted to see us?

Oh, yeah, come on in.

Um, sit down.

[SIGHS HEAVILY]

Okay.

Um... [CHUCKLES]

[SIGHS] Where do I start?

It was Gideon's idea
to rig the bingo game.

Seriously?

You're just gonna
throw me under the bus?

I need this job.

I owe people money.

Bad people.

Let's table that for another day.

[SIGHS]

I just want to apologize to you both.

BOTH: Oh.

I've been so wrapped up
in being a boss that...

I haven't been a very good friend.

So going forward,

I'm really gonna try hard to...

find balance.

Thanks.

I love you, and I want
you to be part of my life.

Me, too.

Bring it in.

[ALL GRUNT]

Gabby, you really got to wear a bra.