01x07 - AIM

Episode transcripts for the TV show "PEN15". Aired: February 8, 2019 –; December 3, 2021*
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Comedy series that depicts middle school as it really is.
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01x07 - AIM

Post by bunniefuu »

Welcome!

OK, so screen names... OK.

So I have three options here for me...

Stardust4eva, Sclub7... which might be taken already... Mm-hmm.

...and Babyspice666.

Isn't 666 like the Devil's number?

No.

Six is my favorite number and my lucky number, so...

Oh, my God!

Good job. I got mine.

OK, cool, my turn.

What do you mean? I just signed on to mine.

You got a screen name. Now it's my turn.

But I haven't added any "Buddies".

You, like, don't need to.

You just have one buddy. Your boyfriend buddy.

Maya, that's not even funny.

Like, we're barely boyfriend-girlfriend.

Yeah, right.

"Hi, Brendan. It's Anna. I'm hogging the computer.

I love you."

Who's "hockey00?"

It's Alex.

Stop.

So funny.

My God!

It's messed up.

He probably got knocked off.

That's shady. That happens.

That's not cool.

OK, let's talk to Sam. OK, fine.

What's his screen name?

OK.

It is "LittlemanbigD1814"

"Little man big D?"

Ew!

He's so nasty.

It's funny, though.

Type it in.

Hey, hun. It's Anna.

No, and me. Say, "Me, too."

Maya. Say, "Me" ah... "and Maya."

OK.

OK, he wants to know my screen name.

I want to type.

Don't have one yet. Dash from Maya.

Tell me when you do. Dash from Sam. TTYL.

Oh, my God. Who's "Dogwigs2332?"

Oh, my God, Brendan's online.

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God. Stop. Should I respond?

Like, what if Alex comes back on, and I'm distracted.

Yeah, but he's like your boyfriend, so you have to respond.

Yeah, I know. WUWU?

"WUWU"?

What the f*ck is WUWU?

Oh, my God. He doesn't even know what WUWU means?

I don't know what it means. What does it mean?

What's up with you.

WUWU.

I can't believe you don't know what that means.

Smiley face.

OK, it's my turn.

Maya, Brendan just IM'd me.

No, let me set up my screen name.

Maya, we're talking. Give it.

Stop! It's my turn!

Please, don't break my keyboard. Don't break my keyboard.

Give it to me! Thank you. Finally, like...

I just... OK, let me say good-bye.

OK, say good-bye and then bye-bye forever.

OK, screen name. So I'm gonna be...

Viper911.

My God! What the eff! It's taken. I'm sorry, hun.

But look, AIM gives other options. Oh, yeah.

Let me see.

I'm just gonna do this one.

The "D" one? Yeah.

It's Viper with a "D" 911.

Diaper emergency!

Think about it.

I think it's, like, cool.

Waz up dingleberry?

Oh, my God! Your screen name what the eff!

Can I just check to see if Brendan's still online?

Anna, like, you were just talking to him. You don't even like him that much.

There he is.

What's that thing next to his name?

It's weird. Oh, wait.

He has a quote. It's like...

Wait. That's about you.

What do you mean?

He's, like, obsessed with you.

He wants to hug you.

It's just an away message, Maya.

OK, I wanna see who else is on.

What the eff? Everyone's signing off.

Have you ever been in a chatroom?

OK, what's that one? M4m.

Holy eff. No way, Maya!

What? Local one.

"Hot people of Franklin County."

Wait. Should we go in there?

Are we allowed? We're hot. We're in Franklin.

OK, yeah, I guess they can't see if we're hot or not, so just... do it.

Do it.

Oh, my God. Uh, like, 16 people.

Oh, my God. This is so crazy.

Say something.

What do I say?

You do it. No, you do it.

You do it.

OK, fine.

What do I say?

OK. 'Sup hotties?

I'm hot girl.

Maya!

Oh, my God.

Wait. It's, like, going so fast, you know, it, like, gets lost.

OK, Maya, "PhuckMaStick" just said "asl".

What does "asl" stand for?

Oh, my God. Can he see?

Of course not. My dad doesn't have a webcam.

Accept or decline? You do it. You do it.

Cool. Accept.

OK.

'Sup, baby. How hot are you? Show me!

My God! Oh, my God!

Oh, my God, Maya. Oh, my God, 'Na, stop!

You're freaking me out. You're freaking me out.

Stop!

Hey, I need to use the phone right now...

...so IM time is over.

Got it.

Like, now.

OK. OK.

Look out.

Good-bye.

Listen, Sam, it was, like, so messed up.

It was crazy, crazy-crazy.

Wait. You talked to some guy in town?

Well, he can't find you unless you've told him where you live.

Are you say... We were in a room for Franklin County for hot people, like, that's what we were in.

He doesn't know your name. Does he?

Sam, you're scaring us. Why?

Sam, stop. No. He just knows our screen names, like...

You're fine, Diper911.

It's just for guys who wanna hook up.

All right. I'm gonna hang up now. Later, losers.

Bye.

Oh, my God.

Stop. It's my mom. It's my mom.

Jesus!

Love you. Love you, Anna.

Maya.

No. Frickin' like, "Do your homework."

Sponges and sea stars, like, it's not that hard.

Maya? Welcome!

Are you done with your homework?

- You've got mail. Yeah. I'm doing it.

Like, I need the computer for a research project, so...

Research project?

Yeah. It's due tomorrow.

Tomorrow? Well, then hurry up and finish it.

Duh! It's literally what I'm doing, so can you leave me alone, please?

OK.

So... I heard something today while I was, um, driving Anna and Maya home.

They were whispering, but...

What?

You have a boyfriend.

What? Mom, what, you spying on us?

Who? Someone we know?

Brandon.

Mom, it's Brendan. It's not Brandon.

You're not even a good spy, and we're just taking it really, really slow.

We just barely started going out.

Is he a catch?

Because you are catch. Kinda major catch.

Curtis, is this from Wok N' Roll or Shanghai?

Because Wok N' Roll is the one that made me sick after your mole removal.

I thought that was Shanghai, so...

OK, so this is Wok N' Roll.

Seriously I reminded you this morning before you left.

Now again you made me...

It's Chinese food.

No, it's not Chinese food.

That one place makes me sick, and the other place doesn't.

I'm calling Anna for homework help.

OK.

Hello? Oh, my God, 'Na!

I'm back in "Hot people of Franklin County."

Oh, my God, you're back in?

There's like 19 people in here.

What are they saying?

They're saying so many things, like, "discrete?"

"Purple p*ssy cat."

"Looking to play." You love playing.

Oh, my God, some random guy just IM'd me again.

'Na... Oh, my God, Maya, be careful.

Remember last time.

Flymiamibro22.

That's a hot screen name. Yeah.

OK, I'm clicking on it.

He says, "Hey, hottie. Zup. What you look like?"

Oh, my God, 'Na, he thinks I'm hot, and he's saying hi. Help me.

What do I say back? Well, he can't find our age.

Yeah, obviously.

OK, let's just say we're like...

Well, um...

We are both 13, so, like, 13 plus 13, that's like 26.

I'm just gonna say we're 26.

Say we have blonde hair and brown eyes, - like, if we were one person. OK. I love that.

Blonde hair. Brown eyes.

Oh, my God, he thinks we're hot.

OK, wait.

He's 30. He's a computer programmer and a total gym rat.

Oh, my God, he's a freaking gym rat. That's like... what is that?

OK. Are you hot?

Um, it's a chatroom for hot people.

- Remember? Shh!

Oh, my God, he says, "People tell me I'm hot but I am humble.

It's not for me to say."

That means he's hot.

Wait, that's what people say that are hot.

I know.

I'm, like, into this guy.

Oh, Maya, can you hold on? I just have call waiting.

OK.

Hello?

Hi. Can I please speak to Anna please?

This is Brendan Tooler speaking.

Hi. It's Anna.

Uh, hi.

What's up? You called...

Yeah, is that cool?

Yeah, I just... I'm talking to Maya on the other line so I'm just gonna have to... um, tell her that I'll call her back, I guess.

Oh. OK, sure.

OK, hold on.

Maya? What?

Oh, my God, Brendan just called me.

Wait. Really? Like...

Oh, my God. ...are you kidding?

Anna, this is like real...

Um, can I call you back and just talk to him for a minute, like...

No. Go, go, go.

I'm talking to Flymiami.

Well, you're still chatting with him?

I know it's crazy.

Progress check in the morning. OK.

OK. Be good over there, bye! Bye.

I like nature too.

Sand dunes.

Ha. JK.

Mm.

I shouldn't have said that.

That's like...

Flymiamibro?

'Sup?

Yo, girl, you got an email address?

Yeah, I'll give it to you, hottie.

That's hot. You're hot.

You're so fricking hot. I've never felt this way before.

Me neither. My heart's gonna burst. Bang!

Am I dead? You could take it, bitch.

Because I'm in heaven with you right now.

Bury me. When I think of other girls, I wanna barf my guts out.

I wanna eat that barf and guts up like a big, old bowl of lentil soup.

Yum, yum, yum, yum...

Sometimes there's so much beauty in the world I feel like I can't take it.


I love you more than I love my own dad.

Maya-chan! Aah!

Why are you still up?

I just finished the research project.

Go to bed. OK.

I think I'm in love.

Wow. Yeah.

Mai? Yeah.

That's a really big word. No, I know.

And you just like, barely know him is the only thing.

No, I know, but, like, sometimes you can just tell.

You haven't met him yet? It's from the way we're talking.

Wassup, Maya?

Hey.

See. Even Evan's way less hot to me since I met Flymiamibro.

That's how you know. Oh, my God. Don't look.

Hey, Anna. Hey, Maya.

Hey, Brendan. Hey.

I b*rned this for you.

'Cause you said you love music.

You don't have to listen to it.

No, I do love music. Thank you.

Bye. Bye.

Oh, my God, he's, like, in love with you.

We talked for hours last night. Wait. Really?

It's all moving too fast.

No, I think it's moving exactly the right speed.

I do.

Seventh grade rules.

I can't believe he made me a mix CD.

The song sucks.

Play the next one.

Oh, my God, he wants to slow-dance with you...

Maya, shut up!

Anna, does your dad have a digital camera?

Mm-hmm.

You think we can take a picture of me and send it to Flymiamibro.

No. Why?

I don't think that's a good idea. No. Yes, it is.

It's just not something we should be doing.

It's just like a picture of me so he can know what I look like.

No. We are not doing it. No... Anna, yes.

Maya, I'm putting my foot down.

Absolutely not.

That's hot.

And make sure you're getting the boob too.

Sure, do.

OK, let me see it.

Let me see.

Oh, My God.

That looks bad. That's blurry.

You look beautiful. Oh, wait, I like that one.

That's good.

Showing a lot. Um...

How about just this one?

That's literally just my hand.

I know but it's beautiful.

OK.

Oh, my God. Stop. I'm gonna send it.

Oh, my God.

Stop it! stop it! Anna, Anna, stop.

What if he doesn't think it's pretty? I can't believe you just did that.

What if he doesn't think it's pretty?

Oh my God, he already responded.

"So hot."

OK, I'm sorry, we have to meet.

What? Ssh!

I have to meet you...

Maya, don't send that. Stop.

...in person. Maya, don't send that.

No. Don't send that. I sent it.

I sent it.

Maya! Stop.

Oh, my God!

Are you like so nervous?

I mean... a little. Yeah?

Yeah.

It's like I know he's the one, you know.

Who are you guys talking about?

None of your freaking business, Jafeer.

Yeah, it's none of your freaking business.

If you really want to know...

I've met someone.

Or I'm about to meet him after school.

Wait, you haven't met him in person yet?

That's shady. Oh, no, we've talked on AIM like a lot.

He's probably some wart-y old dude, who has a beer belly or suit socks and lives with his mother.

Or he's a computer genius with a tight bod, Jafeer.

Like you wouldn't even... Can we just change the conversation?

What? Start a new one.

We weren't even talking to you.

It's just kinda lame.

OK, well... OK, well, stop... like, don't listen.

Anyway, Mai? What?

I'm like, so excited for you, honestly.

I really, really am. Yeah, yeah.

I just wanna ask one quick question. OK, what?

Are you sure that you want to meet him, because what if he's pissed that you're a kid.

I don't think that's a possibility, like, I don't.

OK. I'm not gonna stand him up.

I couldn't do that to him...

Right. OK. You know. Yeah.

I just feel like we need back up. Yeah.

Yeah. Like someone that can protect us.

We should ask Brendan.

'Sup, B?

Spencer.

You're OK, Maya? Can I get you some water?

I'm good.

I'm good. Don't leave.

What if he gets mad when he sees me that I don't look like what I said I look?

Maya, you're fine.

You're fine as hell. You're finer than you even described.

Yeah.

And maybe he doesn't look like how he described himself.

I mean, he could really be anybody in here.

Yeah.

Do you know what's crazy?

I was just thinking that, like, in three years, we'll be driving...

Maybe his Ferrari broke down.

Hmm-mm, maybe, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

I think it's getting dark.

We should just get home soon before it gets too late.

Do you think he...

Do you think that he came and saw me and thought I was ugly and left?

Well, if he did that, then he's an idiot.

Yeah, or I'm like an idiot for thinking he would like me.

Mai. No, no, I'm fine.

Here, go get yourself a Mountain Dew.

Thanks.

Thanks for coming with us.

Sure.

Oh, what are you doing?

I can't... I can't...

What...

They don't have any Mountain Dews left. Can we go?

Please?

Mm-hmm. Like now?

OK.

That means a lot to me.

Welcome.

You've got mail.

Computer...

Good-bye.
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