01x10 - The Big House

[bunniefuu]

Thanks.

Hold it, young lady.

Funny.

What are you doing out so late?

What are you doing out so late?

What do you mean? I'm
always out this late.

Then you can tell me how to sneak in.

Well, for one thing, stop
tiptoeing around like a geek.

Have a little dignity, Daria.

If I had any dignity,

do you think I'd be out here letting
you try and teach me how to be cool?

Whatever.

What's going on down there!

More threatening.

Let me handle it. Darn it,
what's going on down there!

Jake, you sound like such a geek.

Is this gonna take long?

I'm supposed to be somewhere.

Is there another tight pants
sale going on at the mall?

Don't start, girls.

Your father and I are very upset
that you broke your curfew last night.

I didn't know I had a curfew.

Well, that's interesting,
Daria; I didn't, either.

But according to your mother...

Jake!

The point is, you were out way too late,

which is why tonight we're going to...

Destroy our lives with your
crushing rules and regulations?

I can't breathe,
Mother! I can't breathe!

No, tonight we're going
to set some... boundaries.

And we'd like your input.

Well, everybody knows that late curfews
should be go to people who can use them:

attractive and popular
people with lots of friends.

Wow! Who said that? Thomas Jefferson?

Or was it Barbie?

It can't be Jefferson...

Of course not.

No pin-headed historical person
could ever make that much sense.

Really.

All right, girls, forget the input.

Hey, does this mean we get to
wander in the desert for forty years?

Do I have to read these?

Later.

Wow, the new system seems
really great and interesting,

and I can't wait to sit down
and really read through it...

Oh, brother.

...but right now, I sort of
have to go. I have a date.

You can't go out on a date.

It says right here that we don't permit
that on a school night. Rule Eighteen.

You know what? You're confused
about my use of the word date.

I have a date to meet with
my... uh... algebra study group.

Oh, well, that sounds okay.

All right.

But as per the procedure outlined in
Rules Twenty-One through Twenty-Six,

make sure you sign in when you get back.

Yeah bye.

And don't wait up, you
know how study groups are.

Good for you, Quinn! Study hard!

Am I the only one who sees
what's going on around here?

Rule Number One: persistent questioning
of parental judgment is punishable.

There she is, Miss American Bookworm.

You really must have been burning
the midnight oil last night.

We weren't burning anything.

I mean your algebra study group.

What are you talking about?

The study group you went to.

The sign in sheet said you
got back at eleven-thirty...

but now that I think about it, I
went to bed at eleven-forty-five.

Hey, I thought you got that watch fixed?

A couple of times. Prepare to be busted.

Quinn, were you at a study group
last night or did you go on a date?

Don't you see how your
rules are strangling me?

Yes, I went on a date,
but we're in love,

and all the rules and regulations
in the world can't stop that.

In love?

With whom?

His name is Cliff.

Oop, no wait, it's Clint.

I'm not positive, but I
can find out at school.

You don't even know his name,
and you're in love with him!

You know what? You're confused
about my use of the word love...

Do you have any idea how many
of these rules you've broken?!

How many, Dad? And which ones?

Wha... what's that got to do with it?

Argh! Okay, ground me.

I wish it were that simple.

Exactly.

What?

So instead of saying,
"Don't come home so late,"

now they've created some
elaborate punishment system.

You mean like a spanking machine?

I mean like Family Court.

Due process? Yikes.

Hey, you guys wanna buy tickets for
the faculty-DJ roller hockey game?

Are you kidding?

We'll take two.

What? You're gonna pay to watch
teachers skate around with DJs?

Classic rock DJs?

You weren't here last year, Daria.

Rock and roll, foreva!

Help... me...

Mr. DeMartino had to have
an emergency angioplasty.

He almost d*ed.

But a voice told him that his
work here on Earth wasn't finished.

Some of the students
weren't wetting the bed yet.

This year, he's more determined than ever
to snatch victory from the jaws of death.

Three hundred ninety-eight...

three hundred ninety-nine...

fooouuur hundred!

Rock & Roll Randy,
this year you're mine.

What are you saying?

You know how there are people who go to car
races on the chance that they might see a crash?

I'm in.

What do those Supreme Court
judges wear under their robes?

Declassified government
polaroids, next on Sick, Sad World.

Hi, honey.

Are you girls ready
for your day in court?

Can't you just punish us?

I'd like to pay my check to
society and get on with my life.

Your father and I want
you to have a fair hearing.

Then we'll punish you.

But a court procedure?

Isn't that a little bureaucratic?

Bureaucracy is the price
we pay for impartiality.

Jefferson!

Stalin. It's all about fairness, girls.

That's why your father
will make a terrific judge.

I get to be the judge?

Look, someone once said,

"The most important thing in
life is not to look like a geek. "

Do you have any idea
how geeky all of this is?

That's it, Daria.

All I can say is that I hope you
have a darn good defense lawyer.

A lawyer? Mom?

Sorry, honey, I'm prosecuting.

And if I do say so
myself, you're going down.

Let me start by saying that, while I
respect the effort that has gone into this...

Oh, my God, I almost forgot!

Sorry, councilor, the court
requires this accoutrement.

Oh, for heaven's sake.

There. Family court is now in session.

Careful. Don't fall
off the accoutrement.

All rise.

Please be seated.

The court calls the case of the family
versus Daria and Quinn Morgendorffer.

Dad, what is this?

Dad? I don't see any Dad.

You honor, may the family proceed
with our opening statements?

Will you approach the
bench please, councilor?

How do I look?

You honor, let me make it clear at the
outset that this is not a witch hunt.

Daria and Quinn are two fine
girls who have often made us proud.

But...

But that doesn't make them exempt from
the simple truth that rules are rules.

Hello?

...or boundaries...

Yeah, bye.

Your honor, I have to go.

I, um, made an arrangement to work, uh, on the
school's adopt-a-highway prior to this court date.

But we haven't even called
you to the stand yet.

Well, I was going to plead
guilty or whatever anyway.

I throw myself on the mercy
of this, um, honorable court.

The court grants you permission.

Thanks!

Now, then...

Your honor, I plead guilty, and place my faith in your
wisdom, compassion, and your keen sense of fair play.

Well said. Grounded for a month.

What? I wasn't even the
one who stayed out late.

We have to set boundaries, Daria.

Nobody said the justice
system would be fair.

Actually, I think somebody did
say that. Jefferson or somebody...

What have I told you
about backing me up?

Sorry, the sentence stands.

You and your sister are
grounded for a month.

Man, this game's gonna be great!

I say Mr. D goes down halfway
through the second period.

That's too late.

He's gonna blow out early in the
game, while the adrenaline's high.

You guys are so insensitive.

What do you have in the pool, Jodie?

Third period, two minutes
in. Prime cramping time.

Hey, Daria. What do you
have in the DeMartino pool?

I'm not going. I'm grounded.

What did you do to get grounded?

No offense.

None taken, especially since I'm just the victim
of a bizarre experiment in parental justice.

An experiment? On you?

Yeah, they deliberately
exposed me to jurisprudence.

That's a little twisted.

Yeah. The sad part is that these are the
people responsible for my genetic makeup.

Great dinner, honey.

Right, girls?

Now, off to the exercise
yard before lockup.

Hey, that's right!

Any final words before
grounding official begins?

This sucks!

What have I said about using that word?

That you'll ground me or something?

Hey, I wouldn't want to go back
to Family Court if I were you.

I hear the judge is pretty tough.

See? This will fly by in no time.

How can you sit there and
read a book about an animal?

That's so second grade.

Quinn...

What were his eyes like? Right.

Honey, I need to make a call.

I'll just be a sec,
Dad. What about his hair?

Would you say his teeth
were round or more squarish?

Right.

I know, squarish is so hot.

Now, let's get back to the
six other guys you was with.

Then she said her parents are trying to
change her generic makeup or something!

They really should. I
hate that generic makeup.

It gives me hives!

But it's so freaky, babe, I
mean, she's weird enough as it is.

You know, the only thing actually worse
than reading is watching somebody else read.

Really?

You think that's going to
happen in the next six months?

That would be so great.

Quinn, I really have to use the phone.

Muh-om!

I'm sorry, but I think that learning about my
future husband is a little more important right now.

What? Are you talking to
that Clint person again?

Who? No, it's my psychic buddy.

Hang up that phone this instant!
Those calls cost a fortune!

I'm sorry, but I need the phone
and my daughter isn't allowed...

what? Why, yes, I was about
to call a client. Really?

I believe he was born in August...

Yeah, hi, Daria. I was kind of
wondering if maybe you could stop now.

Dad, these tired bones may
be locked behind prison walls,

but when I play this rusty old
harp, my soul flies free as a bird.

I'm sorry, honey. You go on and play.

Thank you.

Okay, enough already. I can't stand it.

Can I please borrow a book?

Try this. I think you'll get into it.

Ha, ha, very funny.

Now give me something that I can read.

No, I think you'll like it.

It's about this girl who's so popular
that everybody fights over her.

Any horses in it?

As a matter of a fact,
there's a great big one.

This is a trick, isn't it.

Yes.

Kevin's all weirded out.

He says her parents have come up with
some sick punishment that gives her hives.

They've been giving her hives for years.

Look, I spoke to Daria.

They're just sitting around the house.

Come on, see for yourself.

Well, well.

The little dog comes home to Park Place.

Park Place with a hotel.

Dad, I'm afraid you own
me sixteen hundred dollars.

okay... let's see...

one... two... eh, twelve...
seventeen... I have seventeen dollars.

Any property?

It's all mortgaged.

Care to make a deal?

I'd need infinite free passage
through all your properties...

I can do that.

...five thousand dollars...

Keep talking.

...and all your railroads.

I believe we can do business.

Jake! You cannot revoke
Daria's grounding.

But I'm losing!

See? She's okay.

I guess so.

Although the clothing would disguise
any electrodes below the neck...

What are you talking about?

There've been a lot of rumors about
what you've been going through.

It's hell in here.

When does it end?

I don't care. It's
been too long already.

I've paid my debt.

You mean...

That's right. I'm bustin' out.

I made a tape of my harmonica music, I can
climb down the lattice in under three minutes,

and I know exactly how often the
neighborhood security guy drives by.

It'll be tight, but
I think I can make it.

Hold on.

Hello?

Daria, this is your mother.

Would you tell Dad that I have
to work late drafting a report?

You bet. Go get 'em, tiger. Jane?

Yo.

Hold on. Hello?

Hey, Daria, it's Dad.

Would you tell Mom that I've
got dinner with a client tonight?

A biggie!

Uh, I'll be sure to
leave her that message.

Super. Bye-bye!

Jane?

Yeah?

New plan. Come over and pick me up.

I'll be at the front door.

Later.

Hello!

Mom and Dad are taking the
night off from being jailers,

so I'm taking the night off, too.

You're... busting out?!

The confinement has made me desperate.

If I don't get out, I'm afraid
I might do something crazy.

Really?

No, I'm going to the
roller hockey game. Are you?

Oh, um, no. I'm not looking for
any trouble, but you go ahead.

I suspect you have some
scam worked out for yourself,

but since I can't prove anything,
I'm asking you not to rat on me.

Hmmm, okay, yes, I will
do this thing you ask.

But one day, I may ask a favor of you.

Never mind.

Think anything has happened yet?

You mean anything cool?

Nah, the ambulance is still in the lot.

Hey, look. Daria's loose.

See? I told you she was okay.

She looks fine, for her.

I don't know...

This could be it...

Come on... take... your
punishment like... a man!

I'm not a man, dude, I'm a rocker!

Why you...

Where's your rock &
roll power now? Hippie!

Yes!

Woohoo! Rock & roll power forever!

My knee!

Damn.

I don't suppose we can get a refund.

He could still have a heart att*ck.

He tries walking on the bad knee, and
the pain is so bad his heart stops.

Right.

Just trying to find the silver lining.

They did mental stuff
to her. I can tell.

Nobody better try that on me!

Quinn?

Get off me!

Where's Daria?

It's payback time, Randy!

Hey, this isn't so bad!

Beats Monopoly.

Quinn! Quinn!

Tommy, go away.

But you said...

You're two hours late,
jerk. Oh, hi, Daria!

Mom flipped last night when
she found out where you went.

And how did that happen?

I really don't know. Oh,
look, here she is now.

Your honor...

Haven't you already made enough
mockery of our judicial system?

I just want to confer with my distinguished
counterpart on the prosecution.

That seems fair.

You can't seriously
expect me to plea bargain.

...unless you send her back to prison.

Daria, it's our policy to be tough,
especially on youthful transgressors.

But think of the effort you
have to spend on incarceration.

Scrabble... Risk...
Monopoly... Operation.

I see your point.

Well?

Your honor, the family
has offered to settle.

Daria agrees to parole.

I have to call in if I'm going
to be in later than : PM.

So what happened?

Does Daria have to pave
the driveway or something?

I got off. Enjoy prison.

Wait a minute!

Daria has proven that she understands
the necessity for discipline.

But you're sending me a bad message
about whether I understand that...

whatever you said.

Good point.

Well, we'll give you
parole on a trial basis.

Okay. If Tommy calls,
tell him I'm on my way.

Listen, this new rules
things wasn't a total failure.

Would you like to
hear some Junior Wells?

You know what? Why don't you go out and
find your friends and have a good time.

Come home late. Ten-thirty.

Hey, thanks.

So, basically, you've convinced them that
you were too dull to be worth grounding.

Exactly, and the sad
thing is, it's kinda true.

Kevin, I already told you, my parents
did not conduct experiments on me.

I know, I know, but seriously,
now tell me the truth.

All right. I had a magnetic
device implanted in my head.

I knew it! What does it do?

It attracts gullible boys.

Cool! Does it work?

It's working right now.

Whoa! Dude! That is very uncool.

There's no sadder sight on this Earth
than a football player trying to think.

Who said that?

I believe it was Jefferson.

Réponses au blindtest:

Daria arriving home late Powerman
- Tokyo Vigilante #

Helen introducing new rules Mary J. Blige
- Love Is All We Need

Quinn getting busted Powerman
- Tokyo Vigilante #

Mr. DeMartino working out in gym Shabba Ranks
- Mr. Loverman

start of family court Chalk Farm
- Live Tomorrow

immediately after commercial break That Dog
- Never Say Never

Daria reading Rage Against the Machine
- k*lling in the Name

Quinn on phone; Daria playing Scrabble Komeda
- Rocket Plane

Kevin and Brittany at Pizza King Foxy Brown
- I'll Be

Quinn on phone with "psychic buddy" Komeda
- Rocket Plane

Quinn asking Daria for a book Cowboy Mouth
- Jenny Says

Helen wakes Quinn Nuyorican Soul
- Runaway

morning after roller-hockey
game Offspring - Gone Away

Daria and Jane at Pizza King Bis
- This is Fake DIY

closing credits Warren G
- I sh*t the Sheriff