03x01 - Through a Lens Darkly

[bunniefuu]

All right, Daria, don't start your turn
till your front wheels are past the corner.

That's it. Now, accelerate as
you start to straighten... good.

Watch out for the dog.

Watch out, Daria!

Oh, my God, did I k*ll him?

I never even saw him! I'm a dog k*ller!

Look, honey.

God, that was close.

No harm done.

I couldn't live with
myself if I hit a dog.

Would you mind telling
Quinn I k*lled him?

Didn't you see him?

He came running right up
on your side of the car.

I don't see way off
to the side too well.

My glasses sort of block the view.

I didn't know that.
Isn't that a problem?

It is for dogs.

When he turned up his
nose at accordion lessons,

they cut off his
inheritance malto allegro.

"The Severed Pianist,"
next on Sick, Sad World.

Enter.

Daria?

Correct.

You know, I was thinking
about your peripheral vision.

That's really strange.

I was thinking about your
high-frequency hearing.

How would you feel about
trying contact lenses?

Poorly.

Why?

Because there's nothing
wrong with wearing glasses.

Daria, I just think that your field
of vision could really be enhanced...

Come on, Mom.

It's not my field of
vision you want to enhance.

What do you mean?

We've had this conversation before.

You think if I get contacts I'll
suddenly turn into the homecoming queen.

Daria, give me some credit.

You can still wear your glasses.

Nobody's going to take
them away from you.

But...?

But contacts are better for some
things, like driving or sports.

You mean I'll finally
make the wrestling team?

Daria, you can't possibly have some
ethical issue with wearing contacts.

How about thinking people should accept me
for who I am without my having to change?

Right! They should accept
you for who you are:

a complex and interesting
young lady worth knowing,

instead of seeing your glasses and jumping to some
moronic conclusion based on ridiculous stereotypes

and their own ignorance.

Good one.

I almost k*lled a dog yesterday.

Gonna work your way up to humans slowly?

During my driving lesson.

Now my mother's bugging
me about contacts again.

Boy, she just doesn't get it, does she?

Nope, she really doesn't.

Get what?

You! The whole Daria
Morgendorffer persona.

You don't care what people
think about your looks.

Of course not.

The glasses are you.

They're symbolic of
the whole Daria thing.

"I wear glasses and I'm not
going to apologize for it."

Yeah... exactly.

Of course, you don't wear glasses, so from
your point of view, it's all theoretical.

What?

Pass the cookie dough.

Caramel... plum... of course,
black is always good...

Come in!

Daria? What are you doing here?

Nothing. Just passing
by. Saw your light on.

What are you talking about?

Uh, Quinn, could I ask...

Yes? A question? A favor?

Could I ask your opinion on something?

What? Is this a trick?

What's the catch? Why don't
you ask your friend Jane?

Jane can't help me.

I need to speak to someone more
attuned to matters of... appearance.

You're asking my advice, aren't you?

Quinn, please, this is hard enough.

I always knew this day would
come and wondered how it would be.

And, now that it has, I
feel strangely... serene.

Sit down, Daria. I can help you.

Who said I need help?

Daria, if we're to make any progress at all
you must be absolutely honest with me. Now,

when did you first begin to
suspect that your outfit sucked?

It's not my outfit.

Okay, when did your "friend" first
begin to suspect that your outfit sucked?

Suppose you were well known for not
caring what other people think of you,

and then suddenly you did something that showed maybe
you do care a little about what other people think of you.

Would that invalidate everything you'd done
and said up till then and make you a hypocrite?

Daria, you're giving me a headache!

What would you think if I got contacts?

Contacts? Great!

But what color were you thinking?

Because clear ones don't call attention to
themselves so much, which maybe you want.

But then, who could resist being able
to change their eye color at will...

Wait a minute! I...

Blue goes with just about any outfit, but green adds
that touch of exotica that many young women crave...

Hang on, all I asked was...

Then, of course, you'll want to change your hair
to frame your new face, a decision unto itself

and obviously a new wardrobe.

Daria, wait!

I know you're scared. We'll
start slow with some scrunchies.

Oh, that sister of mine. She's
as twisted as a corkscrew.

Damn siblings.

Honestly, I think the only reason she ever gets in
touch at all is so that she can get under my skin.

Damn subdermal irritants.

I mean, listen to this note
she sent when she was in Hawaii:

"Dear sis, you'd love island life. Beautiful sun,
wonderful people, umbrella drinks up the kahanalea.

Only thing is, you'd have to take a vacation. Oh
well, sorry I brought it up. My love to all, Amy."

God, isn't that annoying?

Subtle barbs.

Look at this picture of
her smiling by the pool.

Like she can even see the
camera without her glasses.

Aunt Amy?

Hello?

Aunt Amy?

Hey, my favorite niece.

Who is this?

Um, it's...

I'm joking, Daria. How are you?

Your mother hasn't
had a stroke, has she?

Well, I haven't checked her in
the last half hour. How was Hawaii?

Wish I were still there.
What can I do for you?

Um, I wanted to ask your
advice about something.

I'm thinking about
getting contact lenses.

Uh-huh, sounds good.

It does?

Why not?

Well, isn't it kind of... vain?

Do you have mirrors
in your house, Daria?

Yeah.

Do you look in them before you go out?

Yeah.

Well, then, you're already going to
hell, so you might as well get the lenses;

you'll see the brimstone better.

What do you mean?

I mean, having contacts is no more
vain than primping in the mirror.

It just gives you different
options about the way you look.

It wouldn't change your personality,
it wouldn't change your values,

and it would set your parents
back a couple hundred bucks.

So, I don't see any downside at all.

Thanks, Aunt Amy.

I'd love to see how it turns
out. Send me a picture, okay?

You want a picture of
me with my contacts?

Either that or a sh*t of
Ralph Fiennes. Whichever.

Daria?

I just want you to know that I was thinking
about our conversation the other day,

and I don't want you to believe for a
second that I think you need contact lenses.

You're beautiful inside
and out, no matter what,

and I understand and respect
your objection to contacts,

and there'll be no more
discussions about it. Okay?

All right, you talked me into it.

I did?

Mom, that reverse psychology
of yours is k*ller.

So let's see, there's really nothing to worry
about other than a slight risk of epithelial edema,

possible concern over bulbar hyperemia,

the outside chance of
keratoconus and polymegethism,

and the usual tiresome worries
about giant papillary conjunctivitis.

Um, is there any chance
my eyes won't fall out?

There's no reason to expect
any complications whatsoever

if you wear your lenses according to
instructions and take care of them properly.

So if anything does go
wrong, it's my fault?

That'll be our position.

Now, show me once again
how you put the lens in.

That's it. Right up against the eyeball.

Ready?

Okay then, time to go.

You're not really much of
a morning person, are you?

Where are your glasses?

I'm not wearing them.

I got contacts.

I hope this isn't going to
change your opinion of me.

I hope you don't think I've changed or compromised or
become a shallow person who only cares about their looks.

Because it would really
bother me if you thought that.

No, I don't think anything like that.

Good.

Where are your glasses?

Okay, so now that you're more or less awake,
are you ready to tell me I've sold out?

You look pretty cool.

Oh, yeah? Then what
did I look like before?

Hey, glasses, no glasses,
either way works for me.

And you call yourself a friend.

Now, when he shed his regal vestments
and began dressing as if he had no money,

a very funny thing
happened to the prince.

What was that? Kevin?

He became the poor guy
formerly known as the prince?

Kevin, I must say I'm mystified by your continuing
inability to absorb anything from this class.

Um, is that bad?

I'm sorry to speak so harshly, Kevin,

but I wouldn't do so if I didn't think you
had the inner strength to hear and to heed.

Thanks!

Brittany, how does the
prince change in this story?

He, um, he doesn't turn
into a frog, does he?

Da...

I wish Daria were here.

I'm here.

Daria, is that you? What
happened to your glasses?

Um, I'm wearing contact lenses.

Good for you, Daria!
What a positive gesture!

You're taking command of your appearance and
empowering yourself to carve your own identity.

Actually, I'm not sure that I want
an identity based on appearance.

Of course not. The inner
you, that's what's important.

I just meant that a revised outer you is an even more
confident manifestation of the unchanged inner you...

the real you... the you-ness inside.

I got them for driving.

Excellent!

So... why are you wearing them now?

Class, I have some
extremely disturbing news.

Someone has apparently pilfered
the school's fingerprinting kit.

Ms. Morgendorffer?

It wasn't me. I much prefer
fiber spectroanalysis.

Did you get contact lenses?

Um, yes.

Well done!

Excuse me?

You're inviting your fellow students
to get to know you a little better.

You're dropping that
standoffish persona. Kudos!

I got them for driving.

So why are you wearing them now?

I'm really psyched, babe. All
that bench-pressing is paying off.

Tone, babe. You heard what Mr. O
said about seeing my inner strength.

Um, babe, he was trying to say
you're not getting any smarter.

Oh... well, am I supposed to?

Yeah, that's what school's for.

From a teacher's point of view.

Do you think contacts
reveal the you-ness inside?

I don't know. Who's Eunice and
why doesn't she get her own body?

Whoever she is, she must be very
sad. I can't stop tearing up.

Daria, I like your new look.

Um, thanks.

Yeah, you're, like, practically normal.

Kevin, how come you always
know just what to say?

It's a gift. But why did
you get contact lenses?

I wanted to fit in better.

Cool!

I was afraid my glasses
were making me too smart.

Really?

Yo, what's going on?

These contacts are
itching the hell out of me.

I've got to take them out, but
I don't have my glasses here.

Well, there's only two
periods left. Can you hold out?

Guess I have to.

Big cr*ck in the sidewalk coming
up. You'll want to watch that.

Look out for that branch.

There's some kids coming. Never
mind, they turned the corner.

Who's that?

It's Trent.

Hey, Daria. Looks good.

Now, watch out for the girl with the
red face who's forgotten how to walk.

Oh, never mind. That's you.

No contacts today.

No glasses, either.

Hey, the contacts are back, huh?

Your eyes must be feeling better.

Um, yeah, better. But, um...
I'm still a little blurry.

Sorry.

Sorry, Upchuck.

Sweet Daria, you don't have to resort
to a ruse to get into my personal space.

All you need do is ask.

Your personal space is the
final frontier, Upchuck.

One where I intend never to boldly go.

You'll be back. They all come back.

Name two.

I could!

Food-laden student at three o'clock.

Boy, you weren't kidding about still being blurry.
You're walking into more people than you're walking by.

I'm sure my vision will clear up soon.

Well, if it doesn't work out
you can go out for football.

Funny.

Hey, now's your chance to sign up.

Hey, Daria, Jane. Notice
anything different?

He's wearing glasses, right?

Why, yes, he's wearing glasses. Although,
ironically, he doesn't need them.

What's going on?

Well, I got to thinking about what you
said about glasses making you smart, Daria.

And hey, you may not believe this, but I could
stand to be a little smarter, so I got some.

You, a little smarter? Not possible.

No, no, no. That's what I thought, too.

But believe me, it is.

You know, I don't want
to be a brain or anything.

I like having friends. So I
got a pair without any lenses.

See? So now I'll be
smart but not too smart.

Um, I'm not sure if it'll
work without any lenses.

Really?

Yeah. Why don't you try one
lens and see how that goes?

Great idea! Thanks.

Oh, Mr. Einsteen!

Brit really loves them. Gotta go.

I can see that, funny gal.

How many fingers?

You're not wearing your contacts at all.

Not if you want to
get technical about it.

Okay, I get that they were irritating
you so you thought you'd give them a rest.

Yeah.

But why no glasses?

Um, sheer vanity?

Yes, yes, very witty. Now, really.

Daria!

You hate me.

This is great! You want
to borrow my lipstick?

Hey, come on, Daria, wait!

Sorry.

Daria?

Daria.

Talking toilet?

Daria's boots, can you
tell me where Daria is?

Come on, Daria, what's the matter?

I'm a hypocrite and a phony.

That's what's the matter.

What are you talking about?

You don't have to pretend.
You said it yourself.

The glasses are me, uncompromising
and unconceited. Well, not anymore.

Who told you you had to
be a martyr to principle?

You're a teenage girl,
not Nelson Mandela.

He wears glasses.

What's going on?

Oh, it's Daria. She couldn't
get her contacts in today

and she didn't want to wear her glasses, so
she's stumbling around and bumping into stuff.

Are you okay, Daria?

No.

What'd she hurt?

Her pride.

Thanks for respecting my confidence.

Hey, Jodie knows what it's like.

What what's like?

To have standards too
high to live up to.

Don't tell me she's mad at
herself for caring how she looks?

See?

No, actually, I can't see.

Daria, what's wrong with
admitting to a little vanity?

You're not Mother Teresa, you know.

She wore glasses.

No, she gave them to an orphan.

Hey, what's going on?

Nothing.

Everything's fine.

So why are you talking to the stall?

Oh. Hi, Daria.

Hi, Brittany.

Is she locked in or something?

She's feeling a little alienated today.

Alienated? Why, Daria?

It's not like you're E.T. or somebody.

Did he wear glasses?

By the way, Daria,

I just want you to know I think it's really
brave of you to get those contact lenses

and admit that you care about the
way you look, even just a little.

Because knowing that a brain can be
worried about her looks makes me feel,

I don't know, not so
shallow or something.

Like we're not that different,
just human, or whatever.

Well, thank you, Brittany. You're right.

We are just human or whatever.

That was really nice, Brittany.

It was?

I gotta admit, that was
the right thing to say.

Wow! These things really do work!

So now what, eagle eye?

Well, I can't wear my contacts until I
see the doctor again, that's for sure.

And if I bang into anyone else at
school I'll be arrested for as*ault.

So I guess it's back
to the glasses tomorrow.

Or we go downtown and
apply for a seeing eye dog.

I tell you the truth, this whole
thing's got me very confused.

I want my glasses back.

Are you still hung up
on that vanity thing?

That's not it. Everyone
already knows I'm vain.

Oh, yeah, you're one huge narcissist.

So if not that, then what?

This is kind of hard to explain.

It's like, I know my
glasses set me apart.

When I look in the mirror
without them I can't see a thing.

But when I put them on and look
in the mirror again, I think...

Yeah?

I think to myself,
"Never mind the glasses.

You can see things
that other people can't.

You can see better than other people.

So to hell with them and what they
think of you and your glasses."

You're not talking about
eyesight anymore, are you?

No.

And you like that Daria better than
the Daria who cares about her looks.

Um, yeah.

I don't blame you. Why settle for
vanity when you can have pure egotism?

You're a twisted little
cruller, ain't you?

Yeah.

That's why I'm proud to be your friend.

So, no more contacts.

Your mother's gonna be disappointed.

Well, I have all afternoon to
figure out how to break it to her.

Hi, girls.

Hi, Mrs. Morgendorffer.

Hi.

Daria, my deposition was postponed
'til tomorrow, so I thought,

why not try out those new contacts
with an unscheduled driving lesson?

Mom, I have something to tell you.

Réponses au blindtest :

Daria and Helen driving Semisonic
- Singin' in My Sleep

Daria in bathroom The Verve
- Sonnet

Daria entering Quinn's bedroom Marcy Playground
- Saint Joe on the School Bus

Daria fleeing Quinn's bedroom Beastie Boys
- Hey Ladies

after Daria talks to Aunt Amy
Eagle-Eye Cherry - Save Tonight

outside sh*ts of the eye clinic Money Mark
- Hand In Your Head

Kevin and Brittany walking the halls The Cardigans
- My Favourite Game

Kevin deciding glasses will make him smart The New Radicals
- You Get What You Give

Trent's car music Alice in Chains
- With Them Bones

Daria entering House of Mirrors Rammstein
- Du Hast

Daria wandering through House of Mirrors Rob Zombie
- Dragula

Daria in bathroom after nightmare The Verve
- Sonnet

Daria walking without glasses or contacts MxPx
- I'm Ok, You're Ok

Daria bumping into people The Dandy Warhols
- Boys Better

Jane entering girls' bathroom Plastilina Mosh
- Monster Truck

Daria and Jane at Pizza King
Lauren Hill - (Doo-Wop) That Thing

closing credits Letters to Cleo
- I See