03x04 - Daria Dance Party

[bunniefuu]

Jane, your picture's
full of bloody people!

That's not a still life!

Sure it is.

The blood's the reason they're so still.

Blood? Cool!

Hey, Jane, paint something
with blood on my canvas.

And maggots!

Sorry, sport boy.

These itty-bitty canvases
just don't do it for me.

How I long for a medium grand enough
to do justice to my inner torment!

Good morning, students.

Where is your instructor?

She went to the ladies' room.

: , Defoe leaves post without clearance
for personal business. Initiate investigation.

Anyway, I just dropped in to caution you
that the school dance is in two weeks,

and security is going to
be especially tight. So...

if anyone is thinking of rigging a
bucket of pig's blood to the rafters,

they can just forget it.

There goes my weekend.

The dance is going to be cool.

- You callous oaf!
- What?

Did you forget the last dance, when
I caught you making out with Zoe?!

For the th time, babe,
I was fixing her nose ring!

What do you think, I'm stupid and stuff?

For your information, there are plenty
of guys who think I'm pretty and smart!

You can visit them at the Cedars
of Lawndale head injury ward.

Ooh, I'm sick of this!

Maybe it's time I find someone
who really appreciates me!

Maybe I should find someone
who really appreciates me!

Hello, Mom?

Then you just go ahead and do
that because it's, it's over!

And this time I mean it!

Oh, yeah? It's double over for me!

You don't really think...

Forget it.

Now remember, your Hemingway
essays are due in one week.

And this time, Stacy,
it's Ernest, not Mariel.

Sorry.

Oh, um, class, before you go,

we're still looking for someone
to head the dance committee.

Remember, to volunteer
is to say "I care."

Dance committee...

I'll never work on another dance again!

They expect you to do stuff,

and now everything's messed up and
the whole school's going to blame me.

Plus, I haven't even had time to find
sandals to go with my new halter dress!

Sandi, I warned you. To
volunteer is to say, "use me."

Sandi, are you okay?

Gee, Quinn, I think
you should volunteer.

You have such good taste.

Um, but you have even better
taste, Sandi. You should volunteer.

I know, why don't you take the job and
appoint the Fashion Club as your committee?

Of course, if you don't think
we're up to it then just say so.

Um, okay, I guess.

Mr. O'Neill, I'll head
the dance committee.

Really? Great! Get ready to work
like you've never worked before!

Oh, I'll have the Fashion
Club to help me. Right, guys?

Guys?

I've had it! Kevin and I
are finally over for good!

Is it over-over, like the time he
got you a football for your birthday,

or just over, like the time he
thought your goldfish needed air?

No, this time it's really over-over.

And as fellow cheerleaders, you
have to swear on a stack of pompoms

not to go to the dance with that
two-timing, scum of the earth, Kevin.

We solemnly swear not to go to the dance with
that two-timing, scum of the earth, Kevin.

Yay, team!

So it's agreed. No one
asks Brittany to the dance.

We're men. we got to stick
together. We show them who's boss.

Hi.

Yo, guys! Guys!

So I said maybe we should get a velvet rope
and hire a bouncer to keep out, you know,

the undesirable elements.

I remember those dances. You
want to talk about humiliation?

The one time I had a date she stood
me up for Mr. Campus Hot Stuff.

Oh, but I showed her! I went anyway!

How I wanted to wring her little...!

Daria, are you going to the dance?

Of course she's not going.

Only a loser would go to
a dance without a date.

School dances suck!

Jake! Here, make a guest house.

All right!

Don't anybody move.

Charity bloodsuckers!

No, it's the fashion bloodsuckers.

Everyone, please remain in your seats until
my guests and I are all safely upstairs.

Thank you.

How come Quinn never
introduces us to her friends?

Why don't you ask the little
people who live in your potatoes?

So I was thinking, since we'll
all be wearing designer dresses,

we should have a fashion show theme.

The dance floor could be on a runway and
everyone could watch us from the sidelines.

That's a great idea!

Yeah, really great, Quinn.

Yes, if you want to make a mockery of the runway by
having the visually unacceptable waddle all over it.

- Oh, yeah.
- Oh, right.

Okay, then... maybe since we're all
wearing bronze, gold and copper dresses,

we should have a bronze,
gold and copper dance!

- Oh, yeah.
- That's cool.

Great. Then everyone will know
what we're wearing ahead of time,

so no one will be surprised.

Ooh, she has a point.

Gee, Sandi, since you
don't like any of my ideas,

maybe there's something
you'd like to do.

I think we should decorate the gym
like the inside of the Concorde.

Um, it's a cute idea and
everything, but I'm not sure

there would be much
room to dance, and...

Gee, Quinn, if you're not going to listen
to ideas from your own dance committee,

maybe you should just
plan the dance alone.

Don't be silly...

So now I'm silly?

I meant, it would be silly for me to plan the
dance alone when I have such a talented committee.

I know the four of us can come
up with something really fun!

But I already did come up
with something really fun.

But it's just... well, not practical.

Maybe I should just have my own party,
since you obviously think I'm postal.

I don't think you're postal!

Come on. I know a really
nice insane asylum.

Sandi, I think what Quinn meant is...

But I need you guys!

Then next time, maybe
you'll act like it.

Sorry, Quinn.

Wait!

So, Angie, want to go to the
dance with the Q.B.? I'll drive.

No thanks, Kevin. I've
got plans that night to...

um, read a newspaper.

Hmm... okay!

Hey, Quinn...

Not now.

Um, Daria? Can I ask
you a personal question?

No.

See, normally, I have no trouble
in, you know, the babe department.

But now, they're treating me like
I'm on the honor roll or something.

Kids can be so cruel.

I can't get one cheerleader to go
to the dance with me. I don't get it.

Maybe you're losing your looks.

Or maybe you're losing your mind.

You think I'm losing my looks?

A face-lift will fix you right up.

Why do you have to go to
the dance with a cheerleader?

It's not to make Brittany
jealous, if that's what you think.

I'm convinced.

Cheer up.

I'm sure there are
plenty of non-cheerleaders

who would be happy to waste three hours
of their lives at a dance with you.

Oh, wait. I see where this is going.

Hey, Daria, no offense, but no
way. I mean, what are you thinking?

Gotta go.

Um, Ms. Barch? Janet?
May I call you Janet?

No? Oh, okay. Ms. Barch...

Hi. I just wanted to tell you, um,

my great-aunt Audrey d*ed two days ago and
I'm too upset to head the dance committee.

You know, death and all. Okay, gotta go.

Quinn, wait.

If there's anything I can do to help
you through this time of bereavement...

All right! So I don't
have a great-aunt Audrey.

Sandi, Stacy and Tiffany deserted me and no one else
will help and I can't plan the dance all by myself!

I see. You must be feeling a lot of teenage
stress to make up such a fanciful story.

So I'm off the hook?

Quinn, I've got a solution.

I will be your dance committee!

Fine! I'll find a new committee.

Janet, please, don't think me forward
or randy by asking you this, but...

So, anyway, I really love to dance.

Of course, the best place
to dance is at a dance.

Do you like to dance?

Um, sure.

I mean, no.

No, no, no... no.

I can't believe it. No one
has asked me to the dance!

Am I losing my looks?

They're gaining their senses.

What?

Brittany, I completely disapprove
of this ridiculous fight with Kevin.

But if you insist on teaching
the big idiot a lesson,

why not ask Robert to the dance?

But he's at DisneyWorld with
his family till next Friday!

So he doesn't know about any of this.

That's why he'll say yes, see?

Wow! Jodie, no wonder
you're an honor student!

Yeah, all that note-taking and studying is just
to k*ll time between my friends' romantic crises.

You ought to try watching TV.

Hey, what's she so happy about?

Nuttin', honey.

Hi, guys.

I was wondering if you could
do me a teensy-weensy favor.

- I can do it.
- No problem!

Great! I need help planning the dance.

Quinn, we'd like to help but,
uh, you know... we're guys.

Hey, Sandi.

Gee, I hope everyone here isn't too busy to come to
the party I'm having while my parents are out of town.

Yeah, we're there!

Quinn, I just want to say that
I'm really sorry about our fight.

I don't even care who was at fault.

I just hope you're not still mad.

I could never stay mad at you, Sandi.

Good. So you'll be at
my party next Saturday.

I mean, it wouldn't be the
same without you, Quinn.

Saturday, Saturday, Saturday!

Saturday? But that's the
same night as the dance.

Dance, dance, dance!

You're kidding! I forgot
all about the dance.

Gee, that's too, too bad.

I mean, I can't un-order
all that free pizza.

Pizza? Cool!

Well, I can't un-order, um, the free
soda and tacos I was going to order.

Tacos? All right!

- Outdoor turbo-jet hot tub. -
Preferred seating for the popular.

- Green Bay on big screen!
- D.J. on dance floor!

- Miniskirt!
- Strapless!

Well?!!

My head hurts!

- Mine, too.
- Oh, man!

What deadly new diseases can
you pick up by sitting down?

Toilet seat terror
next, on Sick, Sad World.

Need someone to count it for you?

A hundred dollars. It's yours.

All you have to do is
be my dance committee.

Put away the cash; I'll do it for free.

You will?!

Sure. And after that, we can play
Mystery Date and have a taffy pull.

My own flesh and blood,
Daria. My own flesh and blood.

Not so fast.

What?

What's the budget? You know,
for food, music... decorations?

A thousand dollars... well,
minus this discretionary fund.

The time has come to reach out
and bond with my fellow classmates.

Organizing a dance
is the best way to say

"Jane Lane wants to be your friend."

Whatever. Let's divide everything up.
This is what you're responsible for.

Decorations, furniture
rentals, food, music.

You're in charge of, uh...?

Lots of things. Any questions?

- How many people...?
- Oops, date's here. Gotta go!

Does this have any connection with
that big art piece you want to do?

A thousand dollars
can buy a lot of paint.

But what about our dancing classmates?

Ah, put this aside for a
bag of chips and a boombox.

Now, um, Janet, I know
that you're... Jane!

Thank you for finally stopping by.

Sorry, late. No sleep two days.

By the way, did Quinn give
you my list of suggestions?

Who?

I just thought a dramatic
reading would be a nice break.

You know, in between
all the "rocking out"...

Um, Janet... I mean, Miss
Janet. Ooh! No! That is...

Come on, skinny, let's dance!

I hate to tell you this, but your
conceptual piece is a big hit.

Couldn't just let me enjoy
the moment, could you?

Althought I am impressed you braved a
high school dance to support the arts.

I've come, I've seen, let's go.

And now, ladies, take your man by the hand
and climb aboard the roller-coaster to love.

You made Upchuck the deejay?

I figured it was best to
keep him out of circulation.

Plus, he had all the
right qualifications.

He volunteered.

Bingo.

I can't believe Mr. O'Neill said he'd give me
detention if I didn't come to this stupid dance.

I mean, have you seen the
way people dress in detention?

Oh, no! What did she do to the
gym? Guys, I'm really thirsty.

Can you get me some punch now?

What's this about?

Being young, carefree, having your whole life ahead
of you and dancing the night away to celebrate.

Oh, and the untimely
death of Jackson Pollock.

Cool decorations, Quinn.

Really?

Yeah. You're a really good painter.

Thanks! Come on, let's dance.

Which one of us?

Both, silly!

And if you luscious lovelies out there are wondering
what effect you have on Charles Ruttheimer IlI why...

you make me want to shout!

She's gonna take all
the credit, isn't she?

It's the thing she does best.
That, and avoiding lipstick teeth.

Doesn't Robert look handsome tonight?

Stunning.

Thank you, ma'am.

So, where's Kevin? Not that I care.

He's at Sandi's party.

Come, Robert, let us dance!

Yes, ma'am.

And so, while the Broncos remain snowbound
outside Denver International Airport,

we're pleased to bring you
this encore presentation of

" Years of Off-Broadway
Choreography."

Guys, this, um, uh...

Sucks?

Yeah.

Hey Sandi, is Quinn coming over?

And where's Brittany? Not that I care.

I believe they're at the dance.

You know, with the losers.

Now, who wants to try out
those new jets in my hot tub?

Um, I'll go change.

They look terrible out there.

We have to tell her for her own good.

Isn't Robert a dreamy dancer?
Much better than Kevin.

Brittany, honey... your date dances like
a big geek and I thought you should know.

We've been spotted.

Well, I don't feel
like talking to anyone.

That's a shocker. Don't
worry, I'll get rid of them.

Hi. Cool decorations, huh?

Have a seat.

That's telling them.

I'm Brad, and this is my brother,
Brett. We're from Cumberland High.

What are you doing here?

We travel around on weekends trying to find
a high school more screwed up than ours.

And?

Congratulations. Your trophy will
arrive in six to ten business days.

Now let's slow things down so we can
heat things up, if you get my drift.

Get your big, sweaty hands off of me!

I don't slow dance until
after the fifth date.

Hi, Quinn. Do you want to dance?

Come on dance with me first!

How come you guys
aren't at Sandi's party?

It, um...

Sucked.

Sucked.

Gee, that's too, too bad.

I'm sorry you're not
feeling well, ma'am.

Are you hungry ? Can I drive
you anywhere? Uh, how about...

Thanks, Robert, but I
just want to go home.

I got you the wrong
color corsage, didn't i?

If the chocolates were too
chocolate, just tell me.

You know, we really should say something
about that guacamole on the floor

before someone else sprains their ankle.

Yeah, we really should.

So, I was reading this
book on Jeffrey Dahmer...

Hey, Kevin!

Boy, those guys must really like
Brittany a lot to fight over her.

Hey! What's the big idea
taking Quinn to the dance?

Yeah, that's our job!

Oh, dear.

Where are all the guys? I mean, how
long does it take them to change?

I heard a bunch of cars leaving earlier.

Well, why didn't you say anything?!

I figured they belonged
to a really big family.

Ew, look! I'm getting all pruney!

Stacy, that is so unattractive. I
can't believe you even showed me.

Come on, let's change
and go to the dance...

unless Stacy has something
else really gross to show us.

So, you guys want to go to Joe's Diner?

The food's inedible and one of
the waiters is a schizophrenic.

Think we can we get in?

Cool. Let me tell Chuck so
he can meet up with us later.

Wait, you're friends with Upchuck?

He's our cousin. We
came to see his D.J. act.

- Um, I think I have to be somewhere...
- I just remembered an appointment on the other side of town...

Oh, Kevvy, I only kissed Robert to get even with
you for kissing Zoe, it didn't mean anything,

and now I know you do love me and you really
mean it when you say smart doesn't matter,

although I think I'm
smarter than you think I am,

although I know I'm not smarter than the
really smart-smart people, so I forgive you!

Kevvy?

Kevvy?

Son, I wouldn't try to
talk with that broken jaw.

A broken jaw? For me?

Let's do the math one more time. Your
dance decorations were a huge hit.

Plus.

But my sister managed to
take complete credit for them.

Minus.

We hung out with a couple
of guys who weren't so bad.

Plus.

But they turned out to be carriers
of the dreaded Ruttheimer gene.

Big minus.

So, we're more or
less even on the night.

Darn. And it came so close
to turning out semi-decent.

- Come on, you little punk, open
up! Open this door! You little brat!