04x08 - Let's Get Hairy

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Psych". Aired: July 7, 2006 – March 26, 2014.*

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Follows Shawn who works for the police department which allows him to convince people that he solves cases with psychic abilities.
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04x08 - Let's Get Hairy

Post by bunniefuu »

(WOLVES HOWLlNG)

YOUNG GUS: Shawn,
we shouldn't have
left our troop.

YOUNG SHAWN: Dude, this is
a chance to put our skills
to a real test.

(LEAVES CRACKLlNG)

Okay, what
was that?

It was nothing.
Your Little Chief senses
are off.

(RUSTLlNG)

Okay, tell me
you didn't
hear that.

Probably just
a giant beaver.

A giant beaver?

Dagnabbit, Shawn,
what is it?

(RUSTLlNG CONTlNUES)
(YOUNG SHAWN STAMMERlNG)

Run!

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Wandering off is about
the dumbest thing
you've ever done, Shawn.

Do you know
how dense
this forest is?

Dense enough for
a werewolf to run amok
and swallow me like a Rolo?

Werewolves, huh?

Yeah, didn't
you hear them?

The mind can convince
itself of almost anything
when fear is involved.

But fear does not
exist in this dojo,

does it, boys?
(RUSTLlNG)

YOUNG GUS: Help me.
Okay.

We're out of here.

TV ANNOUNCER: The following
is the Royal Rumble!

(CROWD CHEERlNG ON TV)

(WHOOPlNG)

Hacksaw Jim Duggan.

Winner of the
first ever Rumble
in 1988.

Old-school.

Even got the
two-by-four,
all right.

Look at you.
We both went retro.

Although he should have
a vast and unruly beard.

I didn't want to
draw on his face,
Shawn.

But don't worry, the
most important component
is still intact.

What?
What?

Sylvester Ritter,
AKA Junkyard Dog.

The most prolific and
electrifying wrestler
of his time.

May he rest in peace.

SHAWN: (SlGHlNG) Amen.

Is it a little weird
that we still...
Yeah.

This might have
to be the last year
for the dolls.

Kind of creepy.

Let's cover them
with something.
All right.

Hurry.

(DOOR CLOSlNG)

STEWART: Hello?

Hello. Please say
you're the psychic
detectives. Please.

I'm the psychic
detective. He just
has a Magic 8 Ball head.

Okay, terrific.
Uh, okay, this is good.

My name is Stewart Gimbley.
I need you to lock me up

and observe my
behavior overnight.

You're my last hope.

(BOTH EXCLAlMlNG)
Hey, dude! Dude!

(STAMMERlNG)
It's for your own
protection.

(b*ll*ts CLlNKlNG)

Are those silver b*ll*ts?

Look, I went to the cops,
and I told them to put me
in a cell.

And the detective
I spoke to said,

"Jail is for criminals,
not delusional whack-a-doos."

He said
"whack-a-doos"?
Uh-huh.

And then he pinched
himself and told me
to come see you guys.

And what, exactly,
does this detective
look like?

Imagine Robert Goulet
dressed like Mr. Bean

playing The Scarecrow in
a summer stock production
of The Wizard of Oz

dedicated to Tony Randall.

Uh-huh.

So, Stewart, why do you
feel you need to be
locked up and observed?

I'm almost positive
I'm a lycan.

Lichen? Like seaweed?

No, a lycan.

Oh, you mean lychee.

Like sheep's wool.
Lychee is a
drupe fruit, Shawn.

A lycan. Lycanthrope.
(STAMMERlNG)

Werewolf?
STEWART: Yes!

What?

(CLEARS THROAT)

"Dee's Nuts."

I don't get it.

I think I did that
last night.

You think you k*lled
a little lamb?

Yes. Tonight
could be much worse.

I was gonna ask
my sister to watch me,
but I love her

and clearly fear
for her safety.
Mmm-mmm.

Rumble's about to
start in a second.
Uh-uh. Rumble's on.

Don't really feel...
I can pay you thrice
your normal rate.

(CHUCKLES)

I'm definitely not doing it
for half price,
I'll tell you that.

That's three times
the amount, Shawn.

I've heard it
both ways.
You haven't.

It's starting.

Rumble's on.
We can throw him
in the corner.

It's a lot of money.
It's not like he's
really a werewolf.

House rules are
as follows. One...

No talking during
the Rumble. Two...

You leave here at sunrise,
never, ever, ever come back
again. And three...

Touch the Cuatro Quesos
Dos Fritos

and I will take you down
using basic, traditional
beginner's karate.

Deal.

You are truly lifesavers.

Now, please,
bind my extremities
as best you can.

(CROWD CHEERlNG ON TV)

(SHAWN EXCLAlMlNG)

TV ANNOUNCER:
Time and again
here tonight,

Hacksaw just
hammering away.

He's hitting
everybody in sight.

You sure you guys
can handle this?

SHAWN: Please, Stew,
we're professionals.

(GLASS SHATTERlNG)
(BOTH EXCLAlMlNG)

(WOLF HOWLlNG)

(WOMAN SCREAMlNG)

I know, you know
That I'm not telling the truth

I know, you know
They just don't have any proof

Embrace the deception
Learn how to bend

Your worst inhibitions
tend to psych you out
in the end

NECK: I got something.

Right there.

(RED EXCLAlMlNG)

RED: Let's send Bambi
back to Mama.

(CHUCKLES)
On my word.

Ready?

Now!
(RED EXCLAlMS)

(g*n FlRES)

(NECK WHlMPERlNG)

Red? Red?

What the...
Who's there?

Who's there?

(STAMMERlNG)
I will blow you to kingdom
come. You hear me?

You are messing with
the wrong son of a...

(NECK SCREAMlNG)

Damn it, Spencer,
I told you to stop
doing that.

It's like watching someone
while they sleep.

Why were you
reading that file
like Mr. Peanut?

I was curious.

Several distinguished
m*llitary strategists
throughout history...

You know what, I don't
need to explain myself to
the likes of you.

"Dee's Nuts"?

Stewart Gimbley.
Ring any bells?

Gimbley? Hmm.

About yea high,
yellow eyes,

howls at the moon.

Lassie, this guy spent
last night chained up
in our office

until he escaped and
jumped through our
double-paned window.

It's not even
sort of double-paned.
Wait, wait.

He broke through
his chains?

Figuratively, yes.
Literally, it was duct
tape and...kite string?

Yes.
Let me guess.

He chewed his way out
with his big, bad teeth,

all the better
to eat you with.

We were sleeping, so we
can't confirm how pointy
his ears were, Lassie.

I didn't say anything
about his ears.

That's what I heard.
Me, too.

And now we have
a broken window that
you should pay for.

(LAUGHS)
Fat chance.

Here. Why don't you go
look for your lost pet at
his place of business?

"Occultopuss"?
"Occultopuss"?

Yeah. Even though I wouldn't
lock him up because he was
from the planet Wolfen,

he still told me to come down
and have my palm read by
his sister, Willow.

You're saying you've worn
that shirt for at least
two days in a row.

Remove yourself
from this place.

You sure you don't
want to tag along?

I would rather
adopt a child.

Copy that.

Occultopuss?
Yes. But first...
Jules?

Sorry, Shawn, no time for
your tomfoolery and silliness.
Actually, we...

That also goes for
your nonsense, malarkey,
and shenanigans.

We need a favor,
it's legit, and we
promise to owe you big.

You better
make it quick.

I didn't have
anything else sanitary.

Oh, I used to have one of
these with Wonder Woman's
face on it.

Me, too.
It's a hair.

Can you run it?
We need to know
where it came from.

More specifically,
whether it came from
a wolf or a were-hybrid.

A...
Were-hybrid.

Please, Jules, this could
be a matter of life and
death. Or mange.

(SlGHlNG)

Okay.
Sweet! Use
the Bat Phone.

Okay...

(CHUCKLES)
"Book of Shadows."

Hey there.

My name is Shawn Spencer.

My associate Ron Davis,
AKA Bob Adams.

Known to his coven simply
as Rich Fingerland.

You're a warlock?

No, but Halle Berry
calls me "Black Magic."

You've never met
Halle Berry.
Yes, I have.

On the set of Gothika.

Oh, that's right,
I always forget.
He directed Gothika.

May I help you?
That depends.
Are you Willow Gimbley?

I am.
GUS: Great.

We just spent the evening
with your brother Stewart

at our Psychic
Detective Agency.

And it turns out
that he might be
a lycan.

Not the drupe fruit.
Rather, the hairy biped
that hunts and mauls.

Yes. I was afraid
that could be the case.

Ever since he was bitten,
he's been acting peculiar
and blacking out.

All signs point directly
to the mark of the beast.

Uh, did you
just say "bitten"?

Yes. We were on
a mystical march in
the d*ck Smith Wilderness

in Santa Ynez
a few weeks ago.

We got lost, and he went
off-trail to make water
in the darkness.

That's when
it happened.

Sure hope he finished
his business.

He said he saw teeth, fur,
and a snout. Not necessarily
in that order.

He's been so elusive
this past week.

He won't let me or
any of the other shamans in
our healing rhombus help him

because he doesn't want
to put us in danger.

(SlGHlNG) It's really
starting to sink in.

My big bro.

(CLEARS THROAT)
Willow, any idea where
he might be now?

We're fearless, we're
trying to help, and
one of us is single.

And clearly
Goth-curious.

Trust us, you don't want
the cops to find him
before we do.

Well, I suspect
he's hiding and
scared to death,

what with the third
and final full moon.

Which isn't exactly full,
just especially gibbous.

His need to feed tonight

will be more intense
than anything you can
possibly imagine.

I see. Who are those
people, and why?

WlLLOW: Friends, and
a couple of the others
from Stewart's therapy group.

They're very close.
Stew's birthday
last year.

Is that Shangri-lala's?

Stew knows someone
who works there.

We got half off the party
package and we got to bring
our own vampire geisha.

Now, that's a party.
Thank you, Willow.

Please call us if Stewart
shows up. Our number's on
the back, in pencil.

But feel free to use
my work cell on the front.

Please find my brother
before he eats an innocent.

Bitten, Shawn? If she's
telling the truth, the man
was bitten by a beast.

This may be above
our pay grade.

Gus, don't be the
third Thompson Twin
with the dreads.

It's exactly at our
pay grade. Plus,
we're his only hope.

Imagine being him
right now?

Of course, then you
wouldn't be able to
get jiggy with his sister.

Don't you talk
about her like
that, Shawn.

She's clearly in
emotional peril, and
her heart is heavy.

And all that weird,
sexy makeup is
just a cry for help

from a strong man
with a solid job.

Look at you,
crushing on Vampira.

(GRUNTlNG)
(CELL PHONE RlNGlNG)

Who is this?

(STAMMERS)

Shawn, I need you to come
to Leadbetter Beach and bring
me a 36-hour survival basket.

Look, Dad, I'm a little
tied up right now.

Shawn, this is a personal
challenge that involves
a former nemesis

and something I deserve.
Do you understand?

Not even sort of.

Bring me two
ham sandwiches on
stone-ground wheat,

mustard, no mayo.
Plenty of electrolyte
liquids,

and a flashlight.

ASAP.
EVENT ANNOUNCER:
Okay, folks, here we go.

Keep your hands
on this brand-new,
beautiful truck

and see how long
you can last.

Last man standing
drives it home.

No mercy, Spencer.

Hot off the wire,
another possible
animal att*ck.

About six miles from where
that poor little lamb was
ripped apart two nights ago.

Hunters?
Must have been lousy sh*ts.

Son of a bitch.

What is it?
My worst nightmare.

Spencer's gonna be
calling me any second.
Let's go.

I'm right behind you.
I'm just gonna stop off
at the ladies' room first.

Unbelievable.

This is getting serious.

Dude, we completely
forgot about his bag.

What are you
doing, Shawn?

Preparing to play
Hot Cross Buns
on the recorder.

What does it
look like I'm doing?

You can't just go
rifling through another
man's stuff, Shawn.

(SQUEAKS)

Pretty sure the privacy
barrier was broken

when you duct-taped
his thighs together.

It helped restrict
the flexibility in
his hips, Shawn.

"One capsule before bedtime."
What is Haloperidol
prescribed for?

Schizophrenia. It also
reduces aggression
towards others.

And used in combination
with Chlorpromazine,
can control hiccups.

What do you know
about Dr. Ken Tucker?

Psychiatrist. He's
not on my route.

But he is doing
well for himself.

He just moved his
practice into new digs
on North Avenue.

No kidding.

I think this is the
first time we've had
a case with a doctor

who wasn't on your route.

All streaks are made
to be broken, Shawn.

Well, if this guy
thinks Stew needs help
controlling his aggression,

we should probably
pay him a visit,
don't you think?

(EXCLAlMS) You weren't
kidding. This guy's feeling
good about himself, huh?

His office is
this way, Shawn.

Oh, yeah, look
at that. Right
on the door there.

Hello there, Myrtle.

My name is
R.P. McMurphy.

This is my partner,
Cheswick.

We both have some
faulty wiring up
in our noggins,

and I'm afraid we're gonna
have to talk to the doc.

No can do, sailor.
Push on!

(WHlSPERlNG) She
totally sh*t me down.
(WHlSPERlNG) I got it.

Myrtle, when is Dr. Tucker's
next available session?

April 25, 2011.

Now hit the bricks,
woodpecker.

Myrtle, is there
a standby option for
extra-crazy people

who very well may pose
a thr*at to others?

You have ten seconds to
make like my third husband
and disappear.

I don't think we can
hang with this old bird.
No.

(lNTERCOM BUZZlNG)

Yes, Dr. Tucker.

Heavens to Betsy!
I'll be right there.

POLEXlA: Don't touch me!
DR. TUCKER:
Polexia, calm down.

Don't tell me
to calm down.

Myrtle, give me
some help here.

MYRTLE: Oh, dear.

What are you doing, Shawn?
Get from behind that desk.

That woman is
gonna k*ll you.

(WHlSPERlNG)
Patient info.

Give me your phone.
I'll take a few pictures.
Use your own phone.

I left it in the car.
Well, too bad for you.

Would you just
give me your phone?
She's gonna break my phone.

She's going to be back
out here in no time.
Hurry up.

Dude, are my eyes seeing
what my brain is telling my
eyes that they're seeing?

That's me and
Ruiz, the koala.

I make a yearly donation
to the Bear With Me Foundation

to help protect the lives
of these precious and
unique creatures.

So, you're cuddling
the animal?

We're nuzzling.
And Ruiz made the
first move, Shawn.

(CAMERA CLlCKlNG)

(DOOR OPENlNG)
Here she comes.

Oh, this is
so embarrassing.

Those boys are
dumb as rain.

See you next week.

Actually,
you won't.

I have to go.
I'm late for work.

Don't do anything
you might regret, girlie.

Remember why you came
to us in the first place.

SHAWN: Excuse me.

(DOOR CLOSlNG)

(CLEARS THROAT)
Myrtle.

Would it be possible for us
to speak with the doctor

in a non-therapy
capacity?

You know, like gentlemen.

MYRTLE: b*at it.

That was a disaster.

I wouldn't go
that far.

Though if I was to nuzzle
with a non-domesticated
zoo-dweller,

I think I'd go
with a giraffe.

Giraffes are
chronic spitters.

I'd climb up and risk it.
They've got those giant
doughnut lips.

Wow! Like two Christmas hams
kissing under mistletoe.

Did that smoking
hot mess look
familiar to you?

No, I would have
remembered that.

Well, well.

All right. Fine.

I deserve this one.
Let's hear it.

For who? The boy?
That's on Gus' iPod.

It's back
at the office.
Who?

Don't say a word
about Denise Williams.

Who?
There was another
animal att*ck last night.

And this time,
it wasn't a poor
little lamb.

Oh, no!
CARLTON: Oh, yes!

Seems your delusional
little buddy's upgraded
to hunters.

Well, look who's
suddenly on the
black and tan express.

No, I don't think
we're chasing a
werewolf, Spencer.

Just another cuckoo
who's seen
too many movies.

Update, we don't have
any actual proof
that Stewart...

Spencer, he pretty much
confessed to both of us,

and he has no
alibi, remember?

(CHUCKLES) Good luck
getting by Dr. Tucker's
pit bull of a receptionist.

Maybe you just didn't
have the right tools.

I don't think the monocle's
gonna help you
in this situation.

I'm talking about
one of these.

Idiot.

Hey, Jules,
anything back yet
on the follicle?

No, but keep your phones on,
and proceed with caution.

This is our case
now, too.

Maybe we should
let them take it
from here.

Gus, if we turn away
every werewolf case that
comes through our doors,

people are gonna
start talking.

(CHUCKLES) Besides, do you
really think Stew is
sprouting hair and fangs,

unable to resist
some sort of bloodlust
when the moon is full?

If he isn't,
then he's some crazy dude
who thinks he is.

But what difference does
it make if he's out there
k*lling people

and precious,
wooly animals?

None, I guess.

I have to go.
I'm late for work.

Hold on.

What is it?
Check out those pictures
I took with your phone.

Dude, I knew
I'd seen that
chick before!

She's a bartender at
Shangri-lala's. Tell me
I'm right.

Am I right?

She sure is.

Her name is Polexia.

Wasn't that Anna Paquin's
name in Almost Famous?

Anna Paquin was in
Almost Famous?

Let's get a drink.

I'm gonna need to
speak with a Dr. Ken Tucker
immediately.

Well, if it ain't
Little Dorothy
and her pal Scarecrow.

Where's The Tin Man
and The Cowardly Lion?

Well, here's
The Tin Man...

(g*n COCKlNG)

...and here's Toto.

Follow me.

Obviously, this is
very troubling.

Well, does this look
like the sort of thing
Gimbley's capable of,

in your
professional opinion?

Stewart has a very
active imagination.

That's not
what I asked.
I heard what you asked.

What would you
have me say?

I took an oath.

My job is to help
people like Stewart

to overcome
the psychological hurdles

that impair their desire
to lead what we consider

to be normal,
everyday lives.

Take a look
around, Detective.

My success rate in
this area speaks for itself.
Wouldn't you agree?

We're just trying to
figure out what we're
dealing with here.

Two men are dead,
and tonight's
another full moon.

I can't believe
I just said that.

My opinion is that
you're dealing with
a very troubled young man.

No kidding.

A few weeks ago,
Stewart took a turn
for the worse.

It is possible
he is blurring the lines

between reality
and a much darker fantasy.

At the end of
our last session,
he even became emotional

and, um,
gave me a hug.

Why would he do that?

In the event
he never saw me again.

Yeah, do you have any
idea where he might be?

I wish I knew.

Someone needs to
save him from himself.

Hello, gentlemen.

What'll it be?
Well, he would
like a Roy Rogers,

that much we know
for certain.
What?

Hey, you look
really familiar to me.

Yeah, I've just got
one of those faces,
I guess.

Nope, I don't...
I don't think so.

I'm almost positive
I've seen you before.

Wait a second.

Are you a patient
of Dr. Ken Tucker?

No.
(LAUGHlNG) I knew it!

I totally knew it.
We were just there
earlier today.

I'm trying to get my buddy
Harry Monroe here
an appointment.

He's absolutely
stir crazy.

Yeah, and Skip here
has romantic dreams

about firemen who look
like Dolph Lundgren.

(LAUGHlNG) What?
You cheeky screwball.

What'd I tell you,
he's whacko.

No. You said it was
late, and you were
in a firehouse,

and you slid down
this large pole...
What are you...

Why? Okay, fine.
You started it.

Have you enjoyed
your experience
with Dr. Tucker?

He comes highly
recommended by a fellow
named Stewart Gimbley.

Stewart Gimbley.
Yeah, I know that
little weirdo.

I dialed him up with
a great deal on our
birthday package last year.

God, what a freak.

You know,
he told me once

that his father is
some sort of
demon rabbi.

Yeah, that sounds
about right.

But, uh, as far as the doc
goes, I mean, if we really
wanted an appointment...

Look, I'm probably not
the best person to ask
about Dr. Tucker.

And why is that?

'Cause I don't think
I'll be seeing him
anymore.

I'm not sure anyone will,
actually. Capisce?

No, l... Not really. No.
Could you elaborate?
No.

I shouldn't say
anything else.

Look, there are plenty
of shrinks in this town.

Trust me.

Did you decide
on something to
drink or what?

Uh, yes.
Yes, I have.

I'd like a sloe
gin fizz, please.

Hold the gin,
extra fizz.

And I'll have
some more cherries.

(BOTH MOUTHlNG)

(BOTH SCREAMlNG)

Help me. Please.

Help me.

Okay, this is
really, really...

(BALLOON POPS)

Really not good.
Of course it's not.

I woke up next to a pair
of dead hunters who were
torn to shreds.

I'm sorry, I can't focus
until we handle this
wardrobe issue.

(BALLOONS POPPlNG)

Agreed.

You know what? You can
use my Halloween costume
from last year,

which just so happens to
be in storage here.

Really?
In the back room
there's a banker's box

with a hand-drawn
Jack O'Lantern on it.

Costume's inside.

(BALLOON POPS)

Shawn, we need to call
Lassiter and Juliet

and make a citizen's
arrest now, while
he's docile.

Since when do we make
citizen's arrests?

Since a guy showed up
in our closet naked,

covering his junk with
a bunch of balloons,

saying he woke up smack
next to the victims.

Something feels off.
What feels off?

I don't know yet.

That was
impossibly fast.

(EXCLAlMS) You even
put on the glasses.

Who am I supposed to be?

Are you kidding?

You didn't watch
television as a kid?

Not after Poltergeist.

You are none other than
Dwayne Cleophus Wayne
of A Different World.

A ladies' man
with a plan.
What?

No.

Stew, you know you've
put us in a tough spot
coming back here.

I know.

I'll turn myself in.

I don't know what else
I could have done.
I warned everyone.

I can't live like this.

I've never hurt anybody
in my whole life.

Stew, look at yourself,
man. I mean, you're you.

I just can't believe
that you're doing
these things.

I know, but there isn't
a single shred of evidence

to suggest that I'm not.

Can you think of anything
you haven't told us?

I mean, nothing can hurt
your cause at this point.

Okay.

Well, Willow disagrees,
but I have long since
suspected

that our father,
Rabbi Gimbley, is
actually a dybbuk,

and that we might be
the spawn of demon seed.

Keeping in mind, of course,
that not all demons are bad.

Take Hellboy, for instance.
He's nice.

Polexia wasn't kidding.

Polexia? What,
you talked with
the Black Widow?

You call her
"the Black Widow"?

Not just me.
All of us in the group.

She was once married
to this guy who couldn't
grow hair...

What's that called?
Bald.

Alopecia.
That's the
fear of beans.

So one day, Polexia
ties him up to the bed

and gags him and all that,
you know,

because she was into
some very kinky business.

Sure.
Go on.

And this poor guy,
he had a heart att*ck
and croaked.

But also, she used to
totally dominate
our sessions,

Iike her problems are
more important than ours.

But we put up with it,
for the most part, because
she has voluptuous buttocks.

What do you mean "used to
dominate" your sessions?

Well, she once threatened
Dr. Tucker during a
Neo-Jungian sharing exercise,

and ever since then,
she only does one-on-ones
with him.

Really?

Stew, we're taking you
to your sister at
Occultopuss.

We are?

Shawn, the man is wanted for
a double homicide and
first-degree lamb slaughter.

I know this, Gus.
You think I don't
know this?

Look, I'm taking a huge
leap of faith here, okay?

You are to stay put
at Occultopuss
until you hear from us.

Do you understand?
No. I can't put Willow in
harm's way. It's un-brotherly.

Listen, I don't think you're
gonna turn into a giant
dog head tonight, okay?

I'm getting serious vibes
that you are part of someone
else's nefarious plan.

Why?
'Cause you're vulnerable,

and you look like that,
and you believe in
weird things.

Have Willow lock you in
the bathroom, just to be
on the safe side.

We're gonna get
to the bottom
of this.

It all ends nice.

You really think so?
I do.

I mean, you're still
a weird little dude,

and you'll probably
be single for
quite some time,

but I think we can
keep you out of jail.
Deal?

Deal.
My man.

Be careful.
Don't worry, I got it.

(DOG GROWLlNG)

All right. We drop that
cooler in your backseat
off at the beach to my dad,

then we lay low until
Dr. Tucker's office closes.


Then what?
We finesse our way in,

find some evidence
that Stew's not
a hairy monster,

and that it's actually
Polexia that's behind
all this nefariousness.

(CELL PHONE RlNGlNG)

SHAWN: Hello?
Shawn, it's wolf hair.

Authentic wolf hair.
And we spoke to
Dr. Ken Tucker.

He said Stewart is
a very troubled young man.

No problem.

Um, okay.

I hope you're
right about this,
Shawn.

Who was that?
It was a wrong number.

EVENT ANNOUNCER:
Two hours till sundown.

Only ten of you left.
Who's gonna win this baby?

Dad.

Shawn, where
have you been?

Look, Gus and I are working
on a case the likes of which
our firm has never seen.

That's every week.

What's truly extraordinary
is this test of endurance.

Both mind and body
have to be very
strong. Very strong.

Here you go, Dad.
It's everything
you asked for,

plus a couple of extras.

Oh! Daddy got
a care package.

You're wasting your
breath, Zielinski.

Must be your boy.

Keep an eye on
your chakras,
everybody.

He's a 5'10"
psychic detective,

which is more than I can
say for that mean-spirited
daughter of yours.

What does my height
have to do with it?

She's an
uncompromising chef.

She makes sandwiches
at Sub Zero,

and she refuses to
hear me when I say
"no mayo."

(LAUGHlNG)
That's my girl.

Dad, am I sensing
a bitter history
between you

and Sam Elliott's
younger brother Harland?

He's my old nemesis
from the force, Shawn.
Butch Zielinski.

I told you all about him.
He used to step on my toes,
steal my thunder.

You could take him,
Mr. Spencer.
Thank you, Guster.

Agreed. Now, the guy
we're working for
thinks he's a werewolf.

Whip some garlic
at him, Shawn.

That's for vampires.
That's all I got.

Look, I simply cannot
afford any distractions.

Today is all about
me, me, me.

(COUGHlNG)
And that HEMl V8, which,
I'll have you know,

churns out an astonishing
390 horsepower, Guster.

Can't you smell it?

I drive an Echo.

(CLEARS THROAT)
All right.

Here's a few
freebies.

Casey Kasem here with
the manicure, clearly
not a truck guy.

You know he's
early-exit fodder.

Woman by the side mirror
is a germaphobe.

Sneeze in her general
direction, she's out
of here.

And the young buck
staring across the bed
at Mounds McClintock there

would like nothing more
than to take his hands
off the hard body

and put it on
the soft one.

I'll be damned.

I didn't clock
the germaphobe.

You're welcome.
High five.

(EXCLAlMS)
Just kidding.

Focus.

Go get 'em, Pop.

Wait for it.

Wait for it.
Shawn.

You took a picture of
the man's schedule.

There's nothing impressive
about knowing roughly when
he's exiting the building.

Wait for it.

Boom!

(CAR ENGlNE STARTlNG)

(CLEARS THROAT)

Let's do this.
Do what?

We still don't have
a plan yet.

(UNZlPPlNG BAG)

Would you stop
being a baby?

We just have to
stash ourselves

someplace inconspicuous
until Myrtle leaves.

What's wrong
with the men's
bathroom?

Dude, we're men.
How's that not
obvious?

Myrtle is a woman, Shawn.

If she has to use
the bathroom, she's
coming in here.

(DOOR OPENlNG)

Think you're ready for
this night train,
Johnny Murdock?

Think again.

SHAWN: Dude, you wish
you were Johnny Murdock.

GUS: Shut up, Shawn!

Never underestimate
the Swiss!

I was underestimating
you, Shawn.

Now, what are we
looking for, exactly?

Polexia's file.

And any snacks
you can find.

(GASPlNG)

Let's just pretend
that didn't happen.

For the record, I'm only
doing this because Stewart
might be innocent. Might.

Well, that, and you want
to have a half-black Fairuza
Balk baby with his sister.

Question is,
whatever will
you name it?

Well, if it's a girl,
Lavender, of course.

If it's a boy,

Diondre Pride Guster.

Dude.
SHAWN: What?

Polexia's file is gone.
What do you mean, gone?

Meaning, there's a tab here
that says "Polexia Li,"
but the file is gone.

That's a major bummer.
Give me the Swiss.

See if you can
find Stew's file.

Okay, here we go.
Here we go.

Here it is.

Let's see, uh...

"l fear that Stewart's
condition is worsening.

"He's completely ravaged by
delusions and uncontrollable
homicidal impulses."

Gus, I don't think
she was wearing underwear.

"He may pose a grave danger
to himself and others.

"Afraid there's
only one recourse.

"He must be committed
to a full-time
psychiatric facility."

Shawn, are you
hearing this?

Dr. Tucker wrote this
at Stewart's last session.

We have to go.
Willow's in
grave danger.

SHAWN: Wait.
GUS: What?

Do these look
right to you?

GUS: Well, the label
says "Haloperidol,"
but...

I knew it!

Only for the last
1 1 seconds, but still...

What's actually
in the bottle?
I don't know.

Horse tranquilizers,
maybe.
Horse tranquilizers?

What do you know
about taxidermy?

What don't I know
about taxidermy?

I'm a part of the largest
campaign on the lnternet

to abolish the
practice completely.

Could that owl have
cost five grand?
No way.

What about the beaver?
No beaver is worth
that much, Shawn.

It would take
a much larger game.

A moose head,
or possibly a cougar.

Or...
Or a gray wolf.

Oh, no!

It's neither Stewart
nor Polexia.

Exactly. We gotta get
back to Occultopuss.

Willow!
Black Magic.

Is everything okay?

Please tell us
Stew is still here.

Okay, I know that you
said to wait for you
guys to get back,

but Dr. Ken Tucker came by,
and he was very grim.

He said that Stewart
might try to harm
himself and/or me,

and that he was
the only one who knew
how to help him.

Wait, you let
Dr. Ken Tucker
take your brother?

Yes. I'm sorry.
No.

Dr. Tucker has been
looking after Stew
for over a year.

I just met
you guys today!

What does this
mean, Shawn?

It means somebody's
about to die.

(WOLF HOWLlNG)

Personal address.

I know, Shawn.
I said I've got it.

SHAWN: Well, find it.

Somebody want to
tell me what the hell
is going on here?

119 Lincolnwood Place.

SHAWN: 119 Lincolnwood Place.

Sweet. Juliet,
write that down.

This woman, Polexia Li,
is tonight's unlucky
victim.

I know Polexia.

Wasn't that
Anna Paquin's name
in Almost Famous?

Anna Paquin was in
Almost Famous?

'Cause I don't think
I'll be seeing him
anymore.

I'm not sure anyone will,
actually. Capisce?

Yes! And she was
having an affair
with Dr. Ken Tucker.

Not Anna Paquin, Polexia.
She was his patient.

He tried to end it,
and she went ballistic.

So, she's gonna spill
the beans and cost him
his marriage.

And more importantly,
I suspect,
his thriving practice,

and he can't
have that.

Worst of all,

he's methodically
set up Stewart
to take the fall.

How?
It'll sound ridiculous.

It makes more sense to
catch him in the act,

and then let me
do my thing. Trust me.

Where is she now?
You wrote down
where she lives.

She tends bar at
Shangri-lala's on
State Street.

It's a 15-block radius.

She could be at either
place or anywhere in
between because...

The buses stopped running
an hour ago, so...

I'm having very serious
vibes that she walks home
from work.

Fine. You two hit
Shangri-lala's,

and we'll take care
of the rest. Let's go.
I'm coming, too.

No.
You ride shotgun.

(ROCK MUSlC PLAYlNG)

(TlRES SCREECHlNG)

(SNEEZlNG)
(GASPS)

Oh, we are
down to two.

It is down to Butch
and Henry, mano a mano.

Excuse me.
Where's Polexia?

She felt sick,
so I let her go.

Polexia!

Spencer.

Strike two, then.
She's definitely
not here.

Let's roll. Yes, I have
the right address. It's
the one you divined!

(RUSTLlNG)

POLEXlA: Hello? Hello,
is someone there?

(RUSTLlNG CONTlNUES)

(g*n COCKlNG)

Hello?

(RUSTLlNG)

Hey, I have mace!

Polexia!
(GASPS)

Oh, you just about
gave me a heart att*ck,
you son of a bitch!

What are you
doing here?

I wanted to apologize
for being so insensitive.

Yeah. It's too
late for that.

No, it's not too late.
We can work it out.

I love my wife,

but I really do enjoy
having sex with you.

(LAUGHS)

That's the best
you've got?

Pretty soon, everyone
will know just how
pathetic you really are.

I'm afraid I can't
let that happen.

It didn't have
to end this way.

(SCREAMlNG)
JULlET: Freeze!

SBPD. Hands in the air!

You don't understand.
She's very sick,
I was only trying to help.

I don't think so.

And woman to woman,

it's time to ixnay
this shortcut.

Way to be, partner!
Put your hands
behind your back.

Check up there.

SHAWN: (APPLAUDlNG)
Great work from
the whole team!

He's bound to have Stew
stashed up there somewhere.

What is this?
I haven't seen Stewart
in over a week.

GUS: I've got Stew!

That was impossibly fast.

What kind of sick charade
were you planning out here,
Tucker?

GUS: Shawn...

You see...

He couldn't just k*ll
Polexia in cold blood.

She was bound to have
told someone about
the affair.

He needed a patsy,
and in walks Stew.

Over the edge and
convinced he'd been
bitten by a werewolf.

Evil black
lightbulb goes off.

First, Dr. Ken Tucker
gave Stew the wrong dr*gs

to ensure that
he'd be passed out
at the witching hour.

The next night,
he waltzed into
our office,

where we slept under
what we thought was
the blanket of protection

a double-bolt lock provides.
You never
lock the door.

He smashed our window,
stole Stew, and k*lled
two grizzled hunters

with an injection of
something I presume
is untraceable.

Then he actually
proceeded to
wolf them up,

using the tastelessly
mummified claws

of the beastly pelt
that I now wear
on my head

as a tribute to
its power and grace.

It's an awful act,
taxidermy!

And, of course,
the m*rder thing, too.

SHAWN: And finally,
he branded Stew
with a pentagram

and left him
unconscious
at the scene.

All leading to tonight,

when he would k*ll Polexia
and let poor Stewart
confess to everything.

For what it's worth,
I only went into the
woods to k*ll a deer.

The hunters were
a mere crime of
opportunity.

A happy accident.

Oh, that's worth
absolutely nothing.

You're the sickest
of us all.

Well, Spencer,
I guess I should
have listened to you.

Of course, no one
else would have
either, so...

Does this mean you're
gonna pay for our window?

(LAUGHS) Yeah, right.
That's rich.

(SlRENS WAlLlNG)

(SlGHlNG)

Gus gave them to me.
Just in case.

Of course he did.

Good thinking.
You can never
be too safe.

SHAWN: Stew. Stew.

Where am l?

I feel like a baby.

That's because
you're wearing
a diaper.

But you're gonna be
okay, big bro. Thanks
to these guys.

How can we
possibly repay you?

Maybe you and Black Magic
here could get together

and do some
cauldron-stirring sometime.

I'd love to.
Sounds good.

I think we should
all go out and celebrate.

As soon as I am
not naked anymore.

ALL: Agreed.

You're ruthless,
Henry.

You are strong of mind,
but mean of heart.

We reap what we sow,
Zielinski.

Time to pay the piper.

My plight is noble, Henry.

This vehicle's not
for me, but for the
parentless children

of Saint Thomas of
the Apostles Orphanage
of Goleta.

Come on.

Dude? Where did...

Look. It's like
Pippi Longstocking's
little sister,

Patches Longstocking.

You don't look much
like the orphan type,
Butch.

As an infant,

after I was abandoned
and left lakeside,

only to be found
by big fly fishermen,

it was the fine sisters
of St. Thomas
of the Apostles

that raised the man
you see before you today.

And when that old
station wagon
caught fire

and the kids didn't have
new wheels to take 'em
on their field trips,

I said, "Butch,
you know what
you've got to do."

So here I am.

It's bigger
than us, Henry.

And don't worry,
I'm gonna have
this thing

fitted with
a custom camper

so the kids can't fall
off the back onto the
freeway at high speeds.

(CHEERlNG)

(CHlLDREN CHEERlNG)

Dad, are you feeling okay?
You just gave up your
dream machine

to a guy you said
you punched once
in a bowling alley.

He brought a nun, Shawn!
Sometimes you got to give
one up for the team.

You have to admit, Shawn,
those were some cute kids.

No doubt.

You know what, Dad?
It was actually a really
nice thing you just did.

I hope you're
proud of yourself.

I'm tired.
I want waffles.

I could eat
some waffles.
I'm buying.

Which means
I'm buying.

You know
that's right.

I know, you know
That I'm not telling the truth

I know, you know
They just don't have any proof

Embrace the deception
Learn how to bend

Your worst inhibitions
tend to psych you out
in the end

I know, you know

I know, you know

I know, you know
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