04x09 - Shawn Takes a sh*t in the Dark

[bunniefuu]

I'm sorry, dad.

But since
when did bandanas count as hats?

- I was close.
- Close doesn't cut it anymore.

You're going soft on me.

You know I'm 11, right?

It's not some bar trick, Shawn.
This is about survival.

Knowing how many hats in the room
may very well save your life one day.

Now pay attention. Today we're learning
about worst-case scenarios.

We got down here as soon as we could.
Are you all right?

You had better have a good reason
for dragging me out of my bed

and down here to "Nowheresville"
at 4:30 in the morning.

Where the hell's Spencer?

Your guess is as good as mine.

If I wanted to make guesses,

I would go on a game show.
What is going on?

Look, all I know is he left me
this message about an hour ago.

Buddy, I figured it out.
It's sweet.

This whole thing was just a rehearsal.
I'm leaving my place.

Meet me down
at the storage yard now.

Come in your fireman PJ's
if you have to. Just be there.

What does that mean, "rehearsal"?

I have no idea.

What are you doing here?

Here we go.

How do you escape when you're locked
in the trunk of a car?

"When"? Don't you mean "if",
as, like, maybe never.

Not today, kid.

Your survival training

starts right now.

Don't worry, Ms. Nussbaum. It's fine.
Got the keys right here.

Just teaching Shawn
a little survival technique.

Thank you.

All right, Shawn.
Listen up.

Now here's what you want to do.
You want to feel for the brake light.

You feel it?
It's right over here.

Okay, now what you would do
is you'd kick it out with your feet.

You'd want to create a hole
to look out and see where you are.

I didn't say to actually do it.
I said you would do it.

Two, two...

Three, four.

Gina, who is it?

- It's Shawn Spencer.
- Who's Shawn Spencer?

It's this guy that I went on maybe
two dates with, like, three years ago.

- Pick it up.
- No, it's weird

'cos we had a great time, I don't know.
He never called me back, it's awkward.

Play hard to get.

Watch this.

Shawn Spencer, what do you want?

Gina Repach.

Hello.

That's all you have
to say for yourself... "hello"?

Why did you never call me back?

Was it because I had two slices
of cheesecake at the cheesecake factory?

'cause if that's it, I have lost a lot
of weight since then. I really have.

And I feel so bad about that.
And I want to address it, I do,

but you could do me a little favor here.
See, I'm in some trouble, and I need...

A favor?

How dare you ask me for a favor
after what you did to me?

I'm sorry, but nobody,

nobody treats Gina Repach
that way, FYI.

Wait, don't...

It wasn't the cheesecake.
It was...

the talking about yourself
in the third person.

Come on, come on.

All right.

Wait.
This just came in from Shawn.

Read it.

I have no idea what this means.

"Trunk yelrfx ocone pol peac sig."

What is that?

It's gibberish.

Wait, there's more.

"Binshot not lol."

- What is he talking about?
- Binshot.

What are you playing with
over there?

It's blood.

Binshot.

Oh, my God.

Shawn's been sh*t.

Psych 409
"Shawn Takes a sh*t in the Dark"

Timing: Psych Team
www.sous-titres.eu

Based on the blood patterns
and marks on the ground,

he was sh*t here
and dragged this way.

Blood trail ends here.

Couldn't get
any useable tread marks,

but these swirls in the gravel
indicate kickback from a car

pulling out of here
at a high rate of speed.

Recovered a single shell casing.
sh**t used a. 45 auto.

Who the hell called him down here?

I did.

- It's his father.
- Which is why I don't want him here.

If Shawn really is sh*t,

they'll be no room for family
in the investigation.

If Shawn has been sh*t, there's no room
I'm not gonna bust open to find my son.

- You got it?
- Henry, please.

This thing may get personal.
We might need him.

If we do this, we do this my way.
No questions.

Spencer will ride with me.
We'll chase the breadcrumbs to find him.

You take Gus
to retrace Shawn's steps

in whatever ridiculous investigation
he got himself into.

We got a lot of ground to cover.
Let's go.

Move out!

Think hard.

What brought Shawn down here?

All I know is this whole thing
started a few days ago,

with the ice cream truck
on the highway.

Easy there, grubbs.

Keep those oversized mitts
off the car.

This is a brand-new issued vehicle.

I just picked it up.
It is cherry,

and it's gonna stay that way.

It's almost too sweet to drive.

- Smells like new car plus lemons.
- Yeah, it does.

- Leather?
- Pleather. Closest thing to it, though.

Hit me.
What do we got going here?

An accident.
The driver was taken to the hospital.

He's in stable condition
but unconscious.

So what am I doing here?

Well, sir, nobody is sure
how the accident happened.

The key word in that sentence
is "accident".

What are we supposed to do,
go to the hospital and wait bedside

while the ice cream man comes to?

Call me when somebody gets sh*t
or there's a dead body.

That's it.
That's the winner.

Get a 5x7 of that and a couple
of wallet sizes for my buddy here.

- What are they doing here?
- Maybe Vick called them in.

We are not here to hone in
on your case.

We just heard "ice cream"

on our police radio,
and it happened to be Gus's snack time.

Look, fellas. Tell you what.
You're welcome to it.

Have at it! Go for it.
Who knows?

Maybe you'll solve the great ice cream
crime caper of the century.

Crime of the century.

Still 91 years to solve that one.
Gus and I are gonna pace ourselves.

We accept.

You know we still have to file
the paperwork on the accident, right?

You thinking what I'm thinking?

Hell of a lot of strawberry
shortcake bars,

destroyed.

Before they even had a chance,
buddy.

Shawn sensed someone might've tampered
with the truck before the accident.

Anyone tried tracking Shawn's phone?

His GPS must not be working.
They can't get anything.

"Ocone yelrfx sig... "

How does he expect us
to find him with this cat scratch?

We can do this. It's a text.
They're abbreviations.

That's like that. You're out of the loop
on what the young people are doing now.

"The young people"?

Yeah, fact check.
I'm a little younger than you.

You're sure?

You're kidding, right?

With all due respect, Spencer,
I know that you were a good cop.

But I'm still on the force, and maybe
I'm a little more viable at this point.

We'll see.

You hear them out loud,
you could trigger some stuff.

"Ocone."

Cone.

Maybe the "o" is on its own.
Maybe it could be it's own word.

O... outreach, outhouse cone.

Oval cone, orange cone, or...

Orange cone.
Construction.

Could this be pertaining
to some sort of construction?

"Yelrfx."

Yellow reflector.

"Peac sig, peac sig."
What the hell is a peac sig?

I'm not sure.

But I do know
a stretch of road on the 166

that's been under construction
for more than a month.

It's worth a sh*t.

So Shawn has a psychic hunch
about this ice cream truck.

Where does that lead you?

So we found out
who was servicing those trucks

and decided to pay them a visit
the next day.

Fire in the hole, huh?

- Hey, there.
- Can I help you?

I sure hope so.

I assume you're one of the mechanics
that works here at the shop.

I just started.

- Who are you?
- My name is Shawn Spencer.

This is
my associate Donut Holestein.

- Garth Longmore.
- "Garth Longmore"?

I feel bad. I should've come up
with something better for you.

What do you want?

That's a fair question.
Deserves an answer.

Donut, you got anything?

Mr. Longmore,
with a name like Longmore,

have you given any thought to...

getting involved
in the adult pictures?

- What?
- Sorry.

Do you know any reason why a truck
may have welding marks underneath it?

Without seeing the truck for myself,
I wouldn't know for sure.

But...

Welding's usually
used to repair a cr*ck

or reinforce steel
that's been compromised in some way.

You guys looking for some repairs
or you need a truck or what?

I, sir, am starting a new business.

I'm going to need to create
a vehicle that combines

a standard Wienermobile

with a Zamboni.

Can these two things
be welded together into one?

The simple mission statement
for my venture is

to create the perfect juicy Wiener

and the perfect icy surface
to enjoy said Wiener on.

Now,
to be completely frank with you...

No pun intended...

The majority of my investors
have yet

to see the brilliance
of this business plan.

Thank you for your time.

You know what?
Hold onto that thought, and I'm gonna...

I'm gonna grab
one of these pamphlets here.

And I'm gonna call you,
Garth Longmore,

when I'm ready
to build my first prototype.

Okay, so Shawn figured out
what exactly from this venture?

He was convinced
that the truck had been tampered with,

he was going to need a different tactic
if he was gonna get any real answers.

Or...

Maybe just one of these.

Let's go see this Garth Longmore.

Okay, listen up.
I am detective Juliet O'Hara.

I am looking for a garth Longmore.

Anyone want to step up?

Longmore quit just yesterday.
He ain't here.

He quit? He just started.

Hell of a mechanic on top of it.

Did he give a reason for quitting?

Judging by the car he pulled away in,
maybe he won the lottery.

- What kind of car was he driving?
- '70 yellow roadrunner.

Is this supposed to be a nice car?

What? Don't look at me.
I drive an echo.

Son,
are you wearing children's pajamas?

Can we move on, please? Did he leave
a forwarding address or anything?

But... if you find him, let me know,
because he walked off with my mig g*n.

He had a g*n?

It's not a g*n. It's a mig g*n.
It's used for welding.

All right, thank you.

What do you do
when an assailant is chasing you?

Do we have to do this?

You really don't like me, do you?

One day you'll thank me.

Once you get some distance,
change your course.

Never run in a straight line!

Straight line is the shortest distance
between two people.

Zigzag!

That's right!

That's right! Thatta boy!
Throw them off their course!

This is the area. There's construction
for the next 6 miles.

There's our "peac sig".

It's a peace sign.

That's what Shawn saw.

Wait. Yellow reflector.

Orange cone.

- Stop the car right here. Just stop it!
- Why?

God, I love new brakes.

All right, what are we looking at?

This was from the car Shawn was in.

There's accidents up and down
this highway...

This is Shawn.

How can you be so sure?

Because I'm the one
who taught him how to do it.

This is all I have on Longmore.

- Does he have a record?
- Only record he has is of being dead.

- What do you mean?
- Garth Longmore d*ed in 1956.

Criminals do this all the time.

They buy the social security numbers
off the deceased on the black market.

Clearly he didn't want anyone to know
who he was or what he wanted.

Do you have any idea
what you've stumbled onto?

What have you got for me?

So we don't know the guy's name,
but he's definitely our bad guy.

- Any leads?
- All we got

is that he was last seen driving off
in a vintage 1970 Plymouth Road Runner,

yellow with black racing stripes.
Have you seen it?

We may have seen part of it.

Yellow reflector is the last clue,

which means he must've escaped
somewhere around here.

He's close.

O'Hara, listen.

Tell McNab to come pick up my car.

It's off 166
just past mile marker 8.

If he touches anything other than
the door and 10 and 2 on the wheel,

I'll personally visit his nightmares
for all of eternity.

- Copy?
- Copy that.

Because Spencer and I
are going it on foot.

Let's go find my son.

Anybody in there?
Could use some help out here.

Open up if you're in there!

I've been sh*t.
And I'm being chased.

Could you call
the Santa Barbara Police Department

and ask
for detective Carlton Lassiter?

I'm sorry I'm getting blood...

No, slow down.

We should hurry,
he's really motivated.

I got a phone.

- Tell me again who you need me to call.
- Detective Carlton...

Lassiter.

You really are incompetent,
aren't you?

Aren't you?!

You couldn't do one simple thing.
It's the same as it was in the joint.

He surprised me, all right?
I had no choice.

But then
you couldn't just get him here.

How the hell do you escape
from the trunk of a car?

In his defense, I think
I'm the only kid whose father taught him

how to kick out a taillight
from the back of a trunk.

Shut your face.

What if I didn't make it
back here in time

after having to go pick up your car
you just left on the road?

Idiot!

- Did you at least get the truck set?
- It's ready. Give me some credit.

We're this close to the money,
and you're screwing it up.

We don't need this distraction.

Not now.
I say we just sh**t him in the head

and dump the body
and get on with this.

Guys,
if I could interject briefly here...

And this is me speaking
from my own experience...

That feels a little rash.

You're both
under a great deal of stress,

and I don't think now is the time
to make important life decisions.

I'll tell you what works for me,
and maybe it's...

it's just me.

Draw a hot bath.

It doesn't matter who goes first.

You got a smart mouth, huh?

Look, I got it under control.

You want me to sh**t him right now?
I will.

- I'll take him out...
- Not to be a stickler, but...

you did sh**t me once.

Are you listening to me?

I'm having a hard time
concentrating on anything but the g*n.

Could be my A.D.D. acting up.

I want you to imagine

a b*llet coming from that g*n

penetrating your skin
and lodging in your brain.

You know how easy
that would be for me?

Physically,

yes.

But I would imagine
that it would give you some pause

emotionally.

You don't know how lucky you are.

My idiot partner here
screwed up big-time.

But that's par for the course.

Now...

I pull this thing off,

and we're out of here.

But if Einstein here screws up again,
you're gonna be my ticket.

Now I got a hostage in my back pocket
just in case, but know this...

One stupid move,

and I got more than enough plastic bags
for your body parts.

Got it?

I got it.

Note to self:

call Hefty with commercial idea.

Thanks

for duct-taping

my b*llet hole with a chamois.

Maybe if you could

mail me to my dad's house now.

That'd be awesome.

What do I call you?

Mr. Blonde? Mr. Pink?

Shut it!

God, what is your problem?

You know, I...

I've heard people say

that with g*nsh*t wounds,
it's really all about the shock,

you know?

That at some point, you know,

the b*llet wound itself just goes numb.
You can't feel anything.

Well,

it's not true.

I can say,

without a doubt, that this is
the most pain I've ever been in.

So if you wouldn't mind
turning the other direction,

I would very much like to weep,

- if that's okay.
- It's a flesh wound.

All right?

You're fine. Stop whining.

Hey, what are you doing here?

Man, it is the darnedest thing.

The Yelp application

on my iPhone here

told me
that there should be a Starbucks,

right where we're standing.

And unless you can make
caramel macchiatos with that...

with that p*stol,

then Yelp is dead wrong.

- Stay where you are.
- Easy, man.

Wait a minute.

I know you.

You're Garth Longmore,

though I'm beginning to suspect
that's not your real name, is it?

By the looks of you, I'd say
it's probably something preppy.

Am I right?
Maybe Ryan

or Geoffrey

with a "G".

I will sh**t you.

Just relax.

It's creepy enough without the whole

g*n-and-flashlight routine,
don't you think?

We can talk.
We're just...

We're just two guys talking.
We're rational men speaking.

I know what's going on here,
and I get it.

And it's an ingenious plan,

to be honest.

Of course, if it was me...

I'd just be happy
stealing the ice cream.

So what was it like over there?

The jungle?

- What are you talking about?
- Combat.

Must've been hell.

How did you know?

I'm a psychic.

That's what I do.

I think between the g*nsh*t
and the head bashing,

my visions
are coming in kind of crazy,

but I can see them.

They're clear. They're sharp.
I see you.

Were you

like, special forces or a sn*per?

I was.

LRRP.

LRRP?

Long Range Reconnaissance Patrol.

It was a long time ago, though.

My skills have no time clock.

So you could probably
take a target from what?

800 yards?

1,200.

If the wind conditions are right.

1,500 possibly.

That's impressive.

Some people get pretty good
at that stuff.

It does beg the question,

why didn't you k*ll me
from three feet?

We both know you could've,
but you didn't.

I suspect
it's because you're not really a k*ller,

are you?

At least...

not anymore.

I think it's time for you
to stop talking.

No more talking.

Think you can pick up the pace,
Mr. Viability?

There's an excellent chance
I was bitten by a tick back there.

I could be going
through the stages of Lyme disease.

- Man up, detective.
- What is it?

Steroids, right?

You're juicing, aren't you?

I knew it.

He went this way.

So this is where Shawn is living.

Odd that it takes him being sh*t
and dragged away in a trunk

- for me to actually get an invitation.
- You didn't have an invitation.

True.

This is
the old Mee Mee's Fluff n' Fold.

Shawn got a good deal.

- I hope so. It was a dry cleaners.
- It's kind of his thing.

Last spring he stayed
at the old Color Me Mine space.

All the saucers you see here,
he made.

Besides, it has its advantages.

- What are you doing?
- I'm not wearing these pajamas anymore.

So you're stealing his clothes?
He's not dead.

I'm not stealing anything.

Holy crap.
Half these clothes are mine.

- This is my shirt.
- Let's split up and comb the place.

Shawn was here when he left you
the message about the rehearsal,

so there are clues
as to what he was doing

or looking at that made him call you

and drive down to that stockyard
in the middle of the night.

You see anything?

I mean no.

Did Abigail move in?

What?

- This is Shawn, remember?
- Right.

Has he been particularly aggressive
about his hygiene,

or has he been
cross-dressing lately?

I think they've officially reached

the "he has a drawer,
she has a toothbrush" stage.

And how's that going?

Not too sure.

- I think I found something.
- What?

Shawn grabbed this
from the auto shop.

It was sitting here
next to the phone.

This is what he was looking at
when he called!

Look at the bottom.

"Expert mechanics
of all domestic and foreign vehicles.

Engine work, transmissions,
exhaust systems... "

No, below that.

"Long-haul refrigeration,
armored transport."

I still don't get the connection
to the ice cream truck.

I think Shawn did.

I'm checking his history to see
what his most recent web searches were.

No, here we are.

"armoredcar/santabarbara/theft."

Armored car theft.

The ice cream truck
was just the rehearsal.

I know you said not to talk,
but I got to be frank with you.

It's always been an issue for me.

You should've seen
my report cards in grade school.

I like to talk out loud
when I'm working stuff out in my head.

That's what I do.

Just feel free to ignore me, okay?

This is a really elaborate plan
you guys have going here.

I mean, you got the job as a mechanic
just to have access to the truck, right?

That's smart.

Then instead of reinforcing the bottom,
you actually weakened it,

creating easy access
to get to the money.

The question is,

how are you gonna get to it
while the truck was still moving, right?

Sorry, man.
Like I said, this is all me.

Just pretend like I'm not even here.
You tip it.

That's what you do.
You tip it over.

Once the car's tipped over,

you just crowbar open the trapdoor
and you make off with the dough.

All right, let's light it up!

Come on, Rick.
Let's go! Let's go!

This time,

it's not about ice cream.

You could still get one after,
if you'd like.

But it's gonna be real, man...

The armored car, the money.

Question is,
where is it gonna go down?

And when?

What do you care?

You'll be dead.

You let me do all the talking,
got it?

Can I help you?

We're looking for a yellow Plymouth.
You seen it?

As a matter of fact, I have.
You don't forget a car like that.

Pulled in about ten minutes ago
looking for gas.

Offered to fix his broken taillight
for him, though.

My and my partner
got a nice little mechanic business...

Did you happen
to see who was driving?

I got a look at him.
A big, oafy-looking guy.

Not sure he had all his marbles.
He was kind of stupid, if you ask me.

I sent him up four miles
to the next station.

Was this guy with him?

No, that guy wasn't with him.

Why, is that guy wanted
or something?

- You could say that.
- All right...

Thank you for your time.

- About four miles...
- That was about ten minutes ago?

What was that all about?
I was gonna ask the questions.

Old habits.

Cut it out, all right?
I'm in charge of this investigation.

God,
it's just like working with Shawn.

McNab, put out an APB
on the Plymouth

and alert all authorities to patrol
the 166 off the Horse Creek exit.

You got more questions?

Come on, Chatty Cathy,
we're wasting time.

Want me to carry you?

Because of your screwup,
now we got the cops

and what I figure must be this
guy's old man snooping around.

What's the big deal, man?
They took off.

Because I was thinking on my feet!

I'm telling you.

If you can't take care
of this, I'm gonna.

Kid should've been dead an hour ago.

Fine, fine, fine.

"Fine, fine, fine," you nimrod.
You gonna do it or not?

What do you want?
I did what I was supposed to do.

You idiot, you did not!

- Get in there and do it!
- I did!

Jesus, of all the people
I could get linked up with...

Yeah, you want the money,
you better step up.

Gina?

Look, I'm sorry I hung up on you.
It was immature, I know.

It's just my feelings were hurt,

because I never heard back
from you...

It's fine.

Get in there!

Look, it's really, really important
that you call the p...

More important than my feelings?

- You are so self-centered!
- No, Gina, don't...

- What are you doing?
- It's not what you think.

- Give me that!
- I swear!

I wasn't calling the police
or anything like that.

Look, man.

I know this doesn't end well
for me, okay?

I was in the wrong place
at the wrong time, and...

And I've made my peace with that.

But recently,

I met a girl,

somebody special,

just like you did.

Just like me?

Yeah, I saw her in a vision.

She's beautiful.
She's got...

She's got red hair, right?

Most beautiful hair I've ever seen.

My girl's name's Abigail.

What's yours?

Maureen.

Maureen O'Hara.

No, better.

Look, I just want to call her
and say good-bye.

That's it, no funny business.

You can watch me dial.
You can listen in.

If I say anything...

Anything that you don't like,
you can sh**t me.

Deal?

Count on it.

I will sh**t you.

Thank you.

I found something!

There's a large transfer of money
to be delivered,

close to $500,000.

That's the schedule and route.

This call is to say good-bye.

- Shawn, are you okay?
- Try to get anything, a location.

Where are you?

Don't... don't ask me any questions,

'cause I can't say anything else.

If you care about me,
you'll understand.

I'm listening.

I'm not gonna be able to have
much of a future anymore.

But if you look back
at where we were,

I'll be there, okay?

Back?

What are you talking about?

The wind chimes
that I got you for your birthday,

every time you hear them
from now on,

that'll be me.

First of all,
you are going to be fine.

We are going to find you, okay?
Don't worry.

This is supposed to be
a good-bye call.

Now tell her you love her,
and let's go.

Listen, before... before I go,
I have to say one more thing.

Of course, Shawn.
What is it?

Say it.

I need you to know that...

I love you.

- I think that I...
- Good-bye, Abigail.

Hang it up now! That's it!

That's it! It's done!

How stupid letting him use a phone?

The cops are probably on their way!

- He was just calling his girlfriend!
- It's over!

I'm putting an end to this.

Lassiter, I just spoke to Shawn.
He's alive.

He was trying to give me clues
about something.

I didn't understand.
None of it made sense.

What?

Juliet, wait.
Slow down.

Going back?
Wind chimes?

- No, that doesn't mean anything to me.
- Wait!

He's back at the gas station!

Come on! Come on!

Can you make it back
to the Mariposa exit off the 166?

There's a gas station two blocks up.

That's where the robbery'll take place.
I'll explain when we get there.

Let's go.

Where's Shawn?

All right, let's do this.
O'Hara, stay close. You know the drill.

- Keys.
- I'm not covered for someone else.

I'm a police detective
and a certified pursuit driver.

I think you'll be okay.

Keys.

Go, team!

- g*n it, Jules! Give it all it's got!
- This is all it's got.

Is that my shirt?

Look at you, buddy!
You're like Vin Diesel!

That makes Jules Michelle Rodriguez
and you Paul Walker!

- This is no good!
- Don't worry, you'll be all right.

I know, I'll be fine.

I just really
don't want to be Paul Walker,

not even for one day.

You could be Lucas Black
from Tokyo Drift,

but then we wouldn't be
in the movie with you!

That's weird.

I'll just be Walker.

You ready, buddy?
I'm gonna jump on your hood.

You must be out of your damn mind!

It's a company car.
Jump on Lassiter's!

Move closer!

Do not jump on this vehicle!

This is a brand-new vehicle!

Look, man, I have been sh*t!

I am jumping on somebody's car!

- Stop the car!
- Got him!

Don't you dare stop
this car, Lassie!

Hang on tight!
Hold on! Hold on!

Great idea, dad!
I was thinking of not doing that.

Lay back!

Did he hit my car?

- g*n it, old man!
- Watch this!

- What the hell are you doing?
- Which Spencer are you talking to?

Doesn't matter! You're the same!

Am not!

Dad, I have a clear sh*t.
Give me the g*n.

Do it!

Drop it!

Drop it now!
Hands where I can see them!

Hands!

Come here.
Come here son.

That's it.

Nice sh**ting, detective.

Did you just call me "detective"?

Shouldn't we wait
for Diesel and Rodriguez

before you slap the cuffs on him?

You know, I...

I had to tell Juliet
that I loved her.

- Was it awkward?
- Little bit.

Of course, at the time, I was more
concerned about not getting sh*t again.

Guess you were just doing
what you had to do.

The weird thing is...

I think she was about
to say it back to me.

I bet she was just playing along,

doing what she had to do.

Yeah, you're probably right.

Oh, look, that's weird.
It's for you.

Who's that?

Just say hello.

Gina who?

Will you stop yelling in my ear?
I don't even know you.

Dude, tell her we're going
for cheesecake.