04x04 - Less Than Hero

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Futurama". Aired: March 28, 1999 - September 4, 2013.*
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Accidentally frozen, pizza-deliverer Fry wakes up 1,000 years in the future.
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04x04 - Less Than Hero

Post by bunniefuu »

Your call is being--
Connected.

By SewerCom.
Reach out and touch the sewers.

Look, Morris! It's Leela calling!

Hi, Mom! Hi, Dad! Ready for
your big trip to the surface?

We're excited, honey, but we
don 't want to embarrass you.

I mean, your mother and
I are basically monsters.

Dad, relax. You are being so mutant.

I found this adorable little bag to
wear over my head. And it was on sale!

No one's wearing anything adorable
over their head. Now listen.

I could never, ever be ashamed of my
parents. I'll see you this weekend.

Hey, guess who I just got
off the video phone with.

No!
My parents!

They're coming up from the
sewers for a visit Sunday.

Are you off your rocket?
Your parents are mutants.

It's illegal for them
to come above ground...

Because they're inferior genetic scum.

Present company excluded, of course.

I'm getting them a special one-Day
surface permit from city hall.

While you're there, could
you get me a license to k*ll?

Sure. Bare hands or w*apon?

What does piano wire count as?

Good news, anyone.

The Swedish robot from Pi-Kea is here
with the super-Collider I ordered.

Enjoy your affordable Swedish crap.

Let's see what tools we'll need.

Uh-Huh. Uh-Huh. Uh-Huh.

All right, we're all set.

Nothing like the rustic wholesomeness
of working with one's own hands.

There. Finished.
And only six missing pieces.

Those Swedes know how to put
in almost everything you need.

Man, I'm sore all over. I feel like
I just went 10 rounds with mighty Thor.

I feel like I was mauled by Jesus.

I've got just the thing.
Genuine miracle cream...

I bought from a traveling salesman.

"Come one, come all! " He said.
"Step right up! "

"This sounds too good to be true,"
I thought.

He said I looked like a smart young man!

"So is it a deal?" I inquired.

Two hours later, he was
gone with 60 of my dollars!

But I had the miracle cream.

Bad news, nobody.
The super-Collider super exploded!

I need you to take it back and
exchange it for a wobbly CD rack...

And some of those rancid meatballs.

Excuse me. Hi.
Do you have a minute?

I live in Jersey City. My car
broke down, and my aunt's sick.

She needs this medicine, but I need
bus money, so I'm mugging you.

Hand over your wallets!
I don't believe that story for a second.

It doesn't matter, I'm mugging you!
There's no bus to Jersey City.

Give me your wallets now,
or my robot will sh**t!

Don't make me hurt you.

I'm too scared to find my pocket.

Here, I'll just take off
my pants and give you those.

Hey! I don't like what I'm seeing!
Give it to him, Andrew!

Give it to him again, Andrew!

What the--? Laser-Proof shirts, huh?
Well, I'll show you!

Hey! Quit it!

Foiled. And after years of planning.
You're out of the g*ng.

How did we manage to survive?
What gave us those strange powers?

Maybe we're wearing magic rings,
but they're invisible

So we don't even realize it.
Also, you can't feel the rings.

Fry! Shut up and look at this!

"May cause super powers
in humans. "

Wow! A super-Powers drug you
can just rub into your skin?

You'd think you'd have to freebase it.

Let's see, which powers do we have?
"Super strength"?

Yep.
Lickity speed?

Check.
Yes, sir.

Ability to command the
loyalty of sea creatures.

Hey, Zoidberg, get in here!
Screw you!

Ain't got that.
Nope.

Wow! Super powers!

I'll be able to pack my day with
twice as many humdrum activities.

Leela, I think you're
missing the big picture.

When you were a kid,
what was your biggest fantasy?

To have parents.
Whatever.

The correct answer is,
to be a superhero!

We have super powers, and we're
Americans. This is our chance.

Hm. I have been looking for
a way to serve the community...

That incorporates my v*olence.

Let's do it!
You'll barely regret this.

Hey! A friend of mine said he mugged
you today, and you had super powers!

It's true.
Thanks to this funky-Fresh cream.

Now me and Leela are forming
an awesome crime-Fighting duo!

Wow! Crime fighting! Cool!

You say you're a duo?
Yeah, duos are good.

Of course, sometimes they're
a little short-Handed.

See you.

With two humans, you'd think there'd be
a robot in there to balance things out.

But whatever.

I have these three costumes you could
use, but I guess I'll just throw one away.

We'd love to have you on the team.

But aren't you more on
the supply side of crime?

Plus, the cream won't give you
super powers. You're a robot.

So? I'm already super strong,
and my arms do this:

Also, I got this going:

Listen up, New New York! There's
a new group of superheroes in town!

And we're--
Quiet! It's 4 a.M

And I just fell asleep for
the first time in 30 years!

Sorry!

A new era of justice has begun.
What?

Attention all crooks,
lowlifes and lawbreakers.

Do yourselves a favor and crawl
back into your filthy tenements...

You human cockroaches, or get your
ugly face punched to custard by...

The New Justice Team!

Captain Yesterday!
Clobberella!

And Super King!
The best one of the three!

Yow!

Ta-Da!

Captain Yesterday, I find your
skintight high-Waters incredibly sexy.

Let's get together sometime.

Sure! I'm listed in the phone book,
so once I reveal my real name...

Along with my address and a
copy of my birth certificate--

Are you crazy? We have to keep
our secret identities secret.

From everybody?
Especially from everybody!

Give several reasons why.

For one, superheroes cause
a lot of collateral damage...

And we don't want to get our butts sued.

Or do we? No, I guess not.

Also, if our identities get out,
every crook in the city will be after us.

Or, God forbid, our loved ones.
Super King has no need for loved ones.

How you doing, kid?

There you go.
Two one-Day mutant surface passes.

Thank you, Mayor Poopenmeyer.

Mayor here. What's that?
A horrible crime in the works?

Ruthless villain? Citizens in danger?
That's fantastic news!

Because I get to summon
the New Justice Team!

Shh.

They're usually here by now.
Well, so long. Keep in touch.

Wait! Stay and meet the superheroes!

There's three of you and three
of them, so it'll be perfect!

Is this clown on?
Where are those daring crime-Stoppers?

Oh, I completely forgot!
I left my apartment on fire!

As for me, I'm late for my LSATs.

And I can't take life anymore!

Clobberella! Captain Yesterday!
My liege. You're just in time.

We've received a tip that the
Museum of Natural History...

Will be robbed tomorrow
at exactly 9 a.M.

The target: the priceless
Quantum Gemerald.

Who's the perp?

A dangerous villain
known as the Zookeeper...

Who commits crimes aided by a
pack of highly trained animals!

Pack of highly. Got it!

His crew includes a badger with a
troubled past and nothing left to lose.

An elephant who never forgets to k*ll.

And a seldom-Used crab named Lucky,
a.k.a. Citizen Snips.

You can count on us, Mr. Mayor!
Justice away!

Hold the elevator!

We're in here too.

Leela, how you gonna
meet your folks tomorrow?

We've already scheduled the Zookeeper
for a 9 a.m. foiling at the museum.

Not a problem. I've cleverly
arranged to meet my parents...

Right there at the same museum at 10.

Nine, ten, a big fat hen.

The name's Bender.

I can't believe the Zookeeper is this
late for his own heist. It's just rude!

Total hell! It's 10!

I'm supposed to meet my parents,
and I'm still in my secret costume!

There they are!

How can Leela not be here?
Do you think she forgot?

Relax.
I'm sure she's just ashamed of us.

Yo, freak jobs! Hit the
nearest manhole, pronto-Like!

But we have passes that allow us to
be up here. From the mayor himself.

I don't know.
I never heard of no mayor.

The Zookeeper!

Sorry I'm late. Long story.

Now, everybody hit the deck! I'm cutting
the entire line and stealing the exhibit!

You're not stealing anything!
Nobody hit the deck!

Ah, the superheroes.
Or should I say, super zeros?

That was uncalled for.
Animals, att*ck!

Please do not feed the animals!

You're going down, my friend!
Down under!

Man boxing a kangaroo
is a peculiar spectacle.

But a kangaroo boxing a robot?
Now I'm afraid you've lost me.

Citizen Snips!

Nice job, Fingers.

I'm scared and confused. I think we
wandered into an off-Broadway play.

No, there are way too many people here.

Later, if anyone asks when I got away,
tell them right now!

Forget it, Zookeeper.
You're going into captivity!

Fool! A quip about putting me behind
bars would have been far more delicious!

Here, catch!
No, Fry! You can't fall fast enough!

I got it! I got it!
I don't got it!

You saved the Gemerald!


Yet the Zookeeper escaped, thus proving
that the deadliest animal of all...

Is the Zookeeper.
You can get off me anytime.

Oh, no! My parents are leaving!
I've gotta go change back into street Leela.

It's the New Justice Team!
Thank you, mysterious heroes!

The value of the Gemerald you
saved is slightly greater...

Than the cost of the damage
you caused to this museum!

A net gain for our great city!

It's good that Leela doesn't love us.
She'll be less sad when we die.

Ow.

Mom? Dad? I showed up!

And I got the audio tour for
Treasures of Liberace's Tomb!

Sweetie, it's okay. You don't have
to apologize for standing us up...

On the only visit to the
surface we'll ever have.

I want to tell you why
I didn't show up, but I can't.

Just please believe me that
it was a very good reason.

I'm sorry I disappointed you.

Leela, you could never disappoint us.

We're so proud of everything that
you are, and we always will be.

Because you're our baby girl.

Oh, I can't take it!
Mom, Dad, I'm Clobberella!

Galloping gators!
You're a superhero?

Well, that's wonderful!

But did you have to make
the costume so revealing?

Look at me! Proud dad of a superhero!
We should print up T-Shirts!

And F-Shirts for our friends
with two arms on the same side!

No, listen, it's very important
that you never, ever tell anyone...

Under any circumstance.

What if I've had a few?
Dad, you drink?

No, not even then!
All right. My sucker is sealed.

In fact, I shouldn't even
be wearing this around here.

It was brisk. I dressed in layers.
That's my girl.

So anyway, my daughter's Clobberella.
Leela is Clobberella?

You're pulling me!
Keep it under your sock.

It's a big secret.
That's why I'm only telling you two.

Oh, my God!
That guy's daughter is Clobberella!

But don't tell anyone.
Gotcha!

Greetings, superheroes. Remember me?

I don't remember much, buddy!
And you're no looker.

Professor, isn't it time for your nap?
Yes, damn it!

Zookeeper, how did you
know our real identities?

Let's just say a little bird told me.

Leela told her parents.
Leela's parents blabbed.

Leela? Ls the person that parrot is
mimicking telling the truth by proxy?

Yes. My parents were so hurt,
I couldn't help it.

But I distinctly told
them not to tell anyone.

We are not amused!

And here's something you may
or may not find interesting.

Mom! Dad!
Leela, please forgive us!

Especially your father, who's the one
who told. Thank you very much, Morris!

Are you all right? Has he hurt you?
No, but my allergies are going nuts.

Oh, God!

Every couch and table has
animal fur all over it.

He lets them climb on everything!

All right, Zookeeper,
what do you want?

Why, the Quantum Gemerald, of course.
You must steal it for me by midnight...

Or your parents will be devoured by
piranhas that I have, shall we say...

Persuaded to walk on dry land.

Save us, Leela! I mean, if you
don 't have anything better to do!

We're out of options.
We have to steal the Gemerald.

But should superheroes commit a crime?
Even to save lives?

I need moral guidance! Bender?

The thought of stealing anything
fills Super King with disgust.

But if it must be so, then
let a museum heist be pulled!

Oh, no! Our super-Power
cream is out of itself!

Check inside the cap.
There might be a caked-In gold mine.

El Zilcho.
I'm afraid we're boned.

El Zilcho. Hey, is it too late
to change my superhero name?

Just be cool. Nobody knows
we're super-Powerly challenged.

Man, this costume is so damn heavy.

Hey, Captain Yesterday? Can l, like,
wail on you with this two-By-Four...

And it doesn't hurt you?
Ow! That didn't hurt.

Hi, superheroes. Everything okay?

Big O, little K, my friend.
Just checking if everything's all right.

It's okay, all right.
Okay, then.

Grab it!

Yo! The superheroes have
turned evil! Most uncool!

Get them!

Stay back, or we'll b*at the tar
out of you using super powers!

Whoo-Ooah.

So this is your lair?
Of course not!

You think I'd show you my lair?
My lair's a million times nicer than this.

Okay. Take it easy.

Well, here's your lousy Gemerald.

Hawk, fetch!

That seemed unnecessary.

Our transaction is complete.
Come, Solomon, to the lair!

Mom! Dad! Oh, I'm so sorry
I got you kidnapped...

By a crazy madman who tried
to feed you to piranhas.

We're just happy to be
involved in your life.

No, no, it's my fault...

For telling you I was a superhero.
That's true.

I just couldn't stand to have
you think I was ashamed of you.

That's sweet, honey.

But it's natural for children to be
a little ashamed of their parents.

Oh, yeah.
Just like it's natural for parents...

To be a little disappointed in
their children. Not that we are.

But you could call a little more often.
Okay.

And would it k*ll you
to use some mouthwash?

Hey, Fry, we've still got our costumes on.
Wanna steal some more stuff?

I guess.
As long as you think it's right.

Superheroes away!
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