05x16 - The Beatnik Show

[bunniefuu]

♪ One, two, three, four,
five, six, seven, eight ♪

♪ Schlemiel, Schlimazel,
Hasenpfeffer Incorporated. ♪

♪ We're gonna do it! ♪

♪ Give us any
chance, we'll take it ♪

♪ Read us any
rule, we'll break it ♪

♪ We're gonna make
our dreams come true ♪

♪ Doin' it our way ♪

♪ Nothin's gonna
turn us back now ♪

♪ Straight ahead
and on the track now ♪

♪ We're gonna make
our dreams come true ♪

♪ Doin' it our way ♪

♪ There is nothing
we won't try ♪

♪ Never heard the
word "impossible" ♪

♪ This time there's
no stopping us ♪

♪ We're gonna do it ♪

♪ On your mark,
get set and go now ♪

♪ Got a dream and
we just know now ♪

♪ We're gonna make
that dream come true ♪

♪ And we'll do it our
way, yes, our way ♪

♪ Make all our
dreams come true ♪

♪ And we'll do it our way ♪

♪ Yes, our way ♪

♪ Make all our
dreams come true ♪

♪ For me and you. ♪

Just what are we doing?

I'm trying to see if the
light really goes out.

Boy, think of all the people
wasting their times tonight

at parties and movies
when they could be home

playing with their Frigidaire.

You made me miss it.

You always make me miss...

We've got our own
television. Now, stop that.

- Hi. Hi.
- Stop hitting my hand.

- Ah, I missed it...
- Hi.

- Missed the whole thing.
- You missed what?

Victory at Sea.

It doesn't hurt you to get out
of the house once in a while.

But for what?

Everything I want
is here in the house.

Where'd you take me, to
some dump, with strange hats,

teeny cups,
with-with-with beards.

A lot of words, nothing rhymes.

I didn't understand one
word they said, nothing.

Teeny cups with beards?

I took him to that
beatnik coffeehouse,

The Buttered Cocoon.

Ooh, The Buttered Cocoon.

Remember?

Betty DePetrio told
us about that place.

Remember how
excited she was about it?

Let's go down there.
What do you say? Come on.

- I don't know.
- Oh, come on, Laverne.

Was it fun, Edna?

- It was a kick.
- It stunk.

It was a kick.

It stunk.

Come on, Laverne, won't you...

We got nothing
better to do, you know.

Yes, you have.

You can stay right here
and settle this argument.

Am I dressed all right
for The Buttered Cocoon?

- Perfect.
- Let's go.

- Bye.
- There's sandwiches on the table,

peanut butter and, uh, Spam.

Porcupine, chu-chu-wow.

Pestilence!

Popcorn, ping-pong.

Porr... ri... dge...

Rutabaga!

Look at this, everyone wants
a waitress at the same time.

No, no, I think this... this is
the way that they applaud.

Then how do they call the
waitress, say "Hey, waitress"?

Oh, that worked.

Yes, we'd love some
coffee, thank you.

We serve espresso here.

Yes, you're very quick.

Look at this, would
you, Laverne?

Look at this tiny little cup
and this tiny little spoon.

Imagine the size
of the doughnuts.

"The Mighty Oak Tree"
by Charlemagne Krasnow.

Look, Shirl, the
poor guy cramped up.

We better go help him.

No, no, no, no! No, no, no.

You got to do something.

Don't-don't point up
attention to the poor guy.

Well, let me cr*ck his back.

Anyway, I think I understand it.

I don't think he cramped up.

I think that he is
saying, or trying to say,

that he himself is
the mighty oak tree.

Thank you.

Now look at that, you
made the oak topple.

Good oak, good oak!

Greetings. I am Raphael.

The Buttered Cocoon's my domain.

Oh, hello. I'm Shirley and
this is my friend, Laverne.

Yeah. We domain at the brewery.

We welcome you to our universe

as lettuce welcomes
tomato in the salad of life.

Oh, thank you.

And may I say that
we welcome you

as, uh, ham welcomes cheese
on the rye bread of friendship.

Same here.

I'm really flipped you chicks
dig our scene, you know.

Like the really swinging
cats like to act it out for us.

Get up on the stage and groove.

Oh, well, we just came
here to watch the cats swing.

Yeah, we grooved before we came.

In that case, there's a
five dollar cover charge.

What? Oh. Five bucks for...

for rotten coffee
and a mighty oak?

Boy, intellectuals really
know how to make a living.

Wait just a moment,
Laverne. Wait a moment.

We don't have to
pay no cover charge.

Oh, Shirl, you are so smart.

Okay, I'll get a case
of the monkey nerves

and you head for the back door.

No, no. No monkey nerves.

No, no, no, no,
no. Don't you see?

This is a perfect
opportunity, Laverne,

for us to do the Shirley
Feeney scarf dance.

- Let's go.
- No, it isn't.

- Yes, it is. -No, it isn't.

- Laverne, it's a perfect place.
- No, no, no, no, no.

There is no perfect place.

Shirl, they booed the
Shirley Feeney scarf dance

in eighth grade, then
again at the junior prom.

That's why this is a
perfect place, Laverne.

None of those
people are here now.

Let's go, come on.

Uh, uh, uh.

What?

What rotten luck.

- What?
- You ain't got no scarf.

How are you gonna do
your dance with no scarf?

Just as I was ready
to jump up there...

Oh, no.

Oh, boy, I'll just look
for some money here.

One...

Excuse me, excuse me,
may I borrow that scarf

for just a moment?

It's for art.

- I've got $4.55.
- Thank you, thank you.

Where did you get that?

This nice man.

He loaned it to us. Come on.

You're going to be real sorry.

Shirl, it's not too late to get
a case of the monkey nerves.

Stop it. Go on, go
on, get your bongos.

Uh, excuse me, chicks and cats.

Uh...

I, Shirley Feeney, would
now like to perform for you

the Shirley Feeney scarf dance,

accompanied on the bongos

by my best friend,
Laverne DeFazio.

Well, lay it on us, man.

To Laverne and Shirley, man.

The queens of cool!

I don't know, Barbara.

Shirl's been acting
real strange lately.

No, it's not that.

I don't know, I'll ask
her, but I doubt if she will.

Okay, hold on.

Hey, Shirl?

You want to go over to
Barbara Korder's house tonight?

She's having a party to show off

the new hickey that
Joey Splotross gave her.

It's shaped like Texas.

No way, Laverne.

Hickeys aren't cool.

Did you hear that?

"No way, Laverne.
Hickeys aren't cool."

Yeah, well, nothing's been
too cool around here lately.

I don't know.

I'll call you later. Bye.

Come on, Shirl. We're
gonna miss a great party.

They're gonna admit Barbara
into the Hickey Hall of Fame, huh?

Très ordinaire,
Laverne. Très ordinaire.

Come on, why don't
you come with me?

We'll have a great time.

Come down to The Buttered
Cocoon, it's a special night.

Raphael is going to
read his epic poem,

"A Day in the
Life of a Splinter."

What'd he do, rub up
against The Mighty Oak?

Oh, scoff if you
will, scoff if you will,

but The Mighty Oak
speaks rather highly of you,

he was awfully crazy
about your bongos.

Oh, come on, Shirl, let's
do the stuff we used to do,

like we used to do,
that we don't do no more

like we used to.

Come on, let's go bowling.

Come on, you little
bowler you, come on.

No, no, no, I bowl no more.

Yeah? Well, then
I bongo no more.

Oh, Laverne, I wish you'd
give these people a chance.

I wish you would open up
your mind and expand yourself.

Did you read that
book I gave you?

Did you read
Lawrence Ferlinghetti's

Coney Island of the Mind?

Yes, yes, yes, I read it.

And?

Well, he's wrong.

Oh, don't make me laugh.

What?

- He's brilliant, that's what.
- Brilliant?!

- Brilliant.
- Not brilliant.

Oh, a pretty picture that is.

Come on, Laverne, if I
try and explain this to you

one more time, will you
try and understand it?

Will you, please?
Please, for me, will you?

Come on, sit down.
Come on, sit yourself down.

All right? Okay, look,

we'll start with something
very simple, okay?

Now, I want you...
to look at this...

and I want you... to tell me...

what you see.

A leaf.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

Laverne, this is the universe.

This is a leaf.

This is the universe!

- It's a leaf. It's a leaf, Shirl.
- It's the universe.

- It's a leaf...
- It's the universe...

Well, now you've
done it, haven't you?

You have crumpled the universe.

I crumpled the leaf.

You cannot see beyond
the obvious, Laverne.

If you could, you could
see the forest for the trees.

And if you could see
the forest for the trees,

you would see that on those
trees grows the universe!

On those trees grows a leaf!

It's a leaf.

It's a leaf.

It's a leaf, and... and every
jerk and his mother knows it is.

Hello.

Laverne, we have come
to borrow a cup of pork.

A cup of pork?

- Yeah.
- For what?

We're making a meat cake.

Of course you are.

- Please, not now, guys, huh?
- Oh, come on, cooperate.

Now, yes, now, come one,
I've already carved the frosting!

Lenny, see if you can get
her to cough up some pork.

Okay, I'll just go see
what I can find, Laverne.

- Len?
- Aah!

Can I talk to you for a minute?

Yeah.

Alone?

Oh, I get it, woman talk.

- Yeah.
- Sure, it's all right.

I got to catch up on my reading.

Good, good. We'll
see you later, then.

- Bye-bye.
- Okay, sit down, Laverne.

Okay, what's up?

Well...

Oh, uh, Tales of Suspense #49.

It's his favorite
comic. Go ahead.

- Len, he's still here.
- No, he's not, Laverne. No.

No, no, no, he can't hear
and read at the same time.

He's only human.

Len, how would you feel if
Squiggy started hanging out

with a whole new
bunch of friends

and, well, stopped
doing things with you?

You know, like you like
doing with each other?

That's so eerie, Laverne.

'Cause that actually
happened to me.

- Yeah?
- Yes. I think it was a Tuesday,

only I can't really recall,
'cause it was raining.

Oh, of course, now I get it.

The Black Scorpion has his
evil powers 'cause he's a bad guy.

Anyway, Squiggy joined this
club without me, you know?

So he was hanging
out with his new friends

and I was left out in the cold.

Oh, that was it... it was cold.

It wasn't raining,
it was cold, sure.

Uh-oh, there are
two Black Scorpions.

So finally I missed
Squiggy so much, I climbed

right up that tree house
and I joined the club, too.

Yeah, but you
wanted to join that club.

I hated that club, Laverne.

Do you know what
they made me do?

- You know what they made me do?
- What?

They made me climb
out on the branches

to see which ones
were safe to play on.

Most of them weren't, Laverne.

It was horrible.

Easy, Len, easy.

Come on, easy.

Oh, now I remember...
The fat guy's a double agent

'cause on account of he's fat.

You put up with all of that
just because of Squiggy?

Oh, listen, I would've
done anything

to let him know I still
wanted to be his friend.

I wouldn't say this
if he was here, but...

I really love that
little guy, Laverne.

There's nobody
like him, Laverne.

- Yeah, that's true.
- Mm-hmm.

I don't know, Len,
I... Hey, Laverne...

You should really have
that fixed, you know that?

What I'm trying to say is, if
I were you I wouldn't worry.

This thing is gonna work out
fine between you and Shirley.

- How do you know...
- Aw, come on, I know.

'Cause you love her just the
same way I love him, right?

Len?

What's this?

The universe.

What? What?

Well, that's what
Shirley said it was.

Between you and me, it looks
a little more like a leaf, though.

Thanks, Len.

Okay, I'd like to thank you all

for, like, sharing my
birthday with me, okay?

Okay, now it's time for
group contemplation, man.

Who among us has brought
something to contemplate?

I have.

Oh, let's have a real
warm round of snaps

for Lady Cool.

My fellow beings,

I have brought for us to
contemplate and ponder upon...

the human hand.

Ooh... like, wow.

The hand is the coolest.

It snaps.

It waves hello.

It waves good-bye.

It makes friends.

It makes bunny rabbits.

Let us all ponder and
contemplate... the hand.

Shirl?

Shirl, psst.

Laverne.

Come here.

Laverne, I'm so glad to see...

No, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no!

Stop it! Stop it!

Right now!

Out time, out time... Thank you.

Thank you. Oh, Laverne,
I'm so glad you're here.

And you're in time
for Raphael's poem.

Oh, well, I just came
down to give you this.

- What is it? What is it?
- Well, it's a poem I wrote.

Listen up, everyone, listen up.

My best friend, Laverne DeFazio,

has come to read us her poem.

- No, no, no. No, I didn't come
to read it -Go ahead. Go on.

- No, it's not a cool poem. It's not cool.
- No, go on, go on.

Oh, don't put yourself
down. You stand right there

and you read it...
I'm so proud of you.

"My Friend" by Laverne DeFazio.

"My friend is Shirley Feeney,

"The best in all the land,

"Whenever we're in trouble,

"We face it hand in hand,

"We laugh when we are happy,

"We cry when we are sad,

"We talk when we are lonely,

"Just to know her makes me glad,

"If I had one wish in life,

"I know what it would be,

"I'd have Shirl
for my best friend

For all eternity."

Hey, cool it.

That stunk.

Well, I didn't
figure you to like it.

I'll see you later, Shirl.

- Hi, Laverne.
- Hi, Shirl.

Ooh, you got ice cream, huh?

What flavor is it?

Peanut butter and banana ripple.

Mmm.

I really liked your poem.

- Yeah?
- Uh-huh.

It wasn't very good.

Oh, no, it was terrific.

It was even better than that
one you wrote in the eighth grade,

"The Saga of Louie
the Grocery Store Man."

Oh, yeah, I remember that.

"Once there was a grocery man
Whose name was simply Louie,

"Until the day his store blew up

And his produce went kablooey."

Yeah.

I'm so sorry I made you
read the poem out loud.

I really am.

And I'm sorry that the
others didn't appreciate it

as much as I did.

Oh, I don't care
what they think.

I only care what you think.

See... because you were spending

so much time with
your new friends, well...

you know me, I got jealous.

Oh, again?

- Again.
- Aw, gee.

Well, I thought you
didn't like me no more.

Oh, Laverne!

But it's okay, because
I realized something.

It's okay for friends
to do different things.

So that's why I
brought you the poem.

'Cause I want you
to know that, uh,

I'll be your friend,
no matter what.

Aw... gee, Laverne, come on,

you know we're always gonna
be best friends, no matter what!

I mean, it's just like what
I wrote in your yearbook.

"If in Heaven we don't meet,

"Hand in hand,
we'll bear the heat,

"And if it ever gets too hot,

Pepsi-Cola hits the spot."

You know, I realize I
got a little bit carried away

with this whole
thing, and, well...

there's nothing about this
leaf that says I can't enjoy

a good old-fashioned
hickey party once in a while.

You mean it?

You think we're too late?

Well, we're too late
for the unveiling,

but we could sure
take pictures, huh?

Ooh...!

Got it right here.

Oh, Laverne, do you
think Barbara's hickey

is really shaped like Texas?

Well, you know how Joey
has those funny little teeth.

- Oh, yeah, ol' lancer mouth!
- Yeah.

♪ We're gonna do it ♪

♪ On your mark,
get set and go now ♪

♪ Got a dream, and
we just know now ♪

♪ We're gonna make ♪

♪ That dream come true ♪

♪ And we'll do it our way ♪

♪ Yes, our way ♪

♪ Make all our dreams ♪

♪ Come true ♪

♪ For me and you. ♪