06x11 - Lrrreconcilable Ndndifferences

[bunniefuu]

You're taking a vacation
from normalcy.

The setting, a weird motel
where the bed is stained with mystery,

and there's also
some mystery floating in the pool.

Your key card
may not open the exercise room

because someone smeared mystery
on the lock.

But it will open the Scary Door.

Submitted for your Emmy consideration,
a popular senator with unpopular ideas.

There is no such thing as space aliens!

Oh! How can you be so sure
them aliens ain't already among us?

I'll tell you how!

Because you are one!

Hey, I was watching that!
The Saints just needed a field goal to tie!

Lrrr, you lazy ruler
of the planet Omicron Persei 8!

You said you would conquer a planet today,
but you have not even shed your skin yet.

Yes, Ndnd.
I heard you the first hundred times.

I'll conquer something tomorrow

after I fuel up on
one of your disgusting egg-white omelets.

You want yolks? Fine! Enjoy your stroke.

I am conquering Erth!

Not so fast, Invader X!

Here comes Delivery-Boy Man!

Special deliver for Invader X!
Laser eye power!

Hand magnet power!

Yay! I'm unbuckled!

Stop it, you hero!

Reverse-time power!

It's earlier now.

So? What do you think of my comic?

Let me put it like this.

After I leave here,
I'm getting a memory enema.

If I might offer some constructive criticism,
there was never any real peril.

I mean, the delivery guy
has, like, 30 superpowers.

Well, that's because he was bitten
by a radioactive superman!

- This is wonderful!
- It is, isn't it?

Wait, those are the ads.

These X-ray specs will really
take the guesswork out of surgery.

No more chopping blindly in the goop.

Don't waste your allowance, Zoidberg.
This stuff is butt-grade crap.

Amuse your friends with real vomit!

Throw your voice!

Sea monkeys!

Throw your sea monkeys!

My disintegrator ray really works!

- But that's you.
- That's how I know it's bunkum.

The Farnsworth Novelty Disintegrator Ray

is nothing more
than a common teleporter ray.

Worthless toy!

I'm sick of being critiqued
by nitpicking nerds.

I'm taking this
to a comic book convention!

It's crowded!

Good thing everyone
is freshly bathed and groomed.

Oooh!

What are you doing?
That's the rare Zapp Brannigan

with recording session blooper!

Don't tell me how to do the line.
It sickens me.

But the sign said
there was a mint in the box.

Thank you so... Okay, thanks. Thanks so...

Settle down!

So, anyway, we're really excited to show
you guys the pilot for our new series.

It's set in the year 4000,
and we call it Futurella!

Wow.
Fox has really streamlined the process.

Matt will now take questions.

But please, only about Futurella,
not The Simpsons.

Yes? The robot standing
on the small child over there?

Yeah, when are you going to
make a second Simpsons movie?

Mr. Aragonés, I'm a big fan of your cartoons
and your mustache.

You want it? Take it.
It's brought me nothing but misery.

Wow. Thanks!

If you could just quiet down, I wanted
to get your opinion of my comic book.

Señor, anyone who
still writes comics is a hero to me.

Mmm. It stinks.

But, um, I do like
the tiny doodles in the margins.

Oh, that's just some relish
from a hot dog I found.

Attention, ladies and gentleboys,

the costume contest is about to begin.

The costume contest!
The costume contest!

Yeah! Devo!

What the hell are you supposed to be?

Every nerd's fantasy, baby.

Next up, contestant number 36!

Contestant 36, everyone!
Next up, contestant...

I am Lrrr, ruler of the planet...

Hold on a second, let me just get this.

I am Lrrr,
ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8.

You are hereby conquered! Please line up

in order of how much
beryllium it takes to k*ll you!

Damn, that's a good costume.

Next up, contestant 38!

I don't understand.

Why are the humans still eating their
soft pretzels instead of surrendering?

They're probably just waiting
for Joss Whedon.

Joss Whedon's here?
Wait a minute. You look familiar.

Yeah, you almost ate me once.
I was in your mouth for five minutes.

Leela?

And the winner is

Nerdgasma!

Whoo! I got fruit boobs!

What's the use?

Now what?

I send you out to conquer a planet,
and all you bring back is J. J. Abrams' face?

I thought you'd like it.
You haven't even tried it on.

I might dress up in a face
if you ever took me anywhere nice!

Oh, boy, here we go.

I built this castle with my own two slaves!
What are you gonna do, kick me out?

I am Lrrr,
ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8!

May I crash on your couch?

So he just showed up unannounced,
raided the liquor cabinet,

sprayed urine on the ceiling
and passed out?

And the walls.

Leave me alone.

My wife hates me and
planetary conquest has become a chore.

There, there.
You're just having a midlife crisis.

Midlife crisis, eh?

Lrrr demands the comfort
of pop-psychological platitudes!

Look, hoss, your wife threw you out.
That's your license to be a jerk.

Do whatever the hell you want,
then walk away and light a cigar.

Don't listen to him, Lrrr.
Bender may seem happy

But long-term, you need to reinvest
in your relationship with Ndnd.

Yes, it's clear what I must do.

I like it.

I'm thinking we need to downplay
those hideous growths on your head.

Horns are a sign of virility.
Also, they house my testes.

I'm thinking horn extensions.

You need some arm candy.

It's the perfect accessory for
out-of-shape middle-aged creeps like you.

Yeah, I said it!
What's your type, Borgnine?

Big and angry.

Look, brah, you're just not gonna find

a lot of hot, gigantic Omicronian babes
in this solar system.

There's one!

- Hey, cool cape. Where'd you get that?
- What, this old thing?

I m*rder*d my father.

My name's Lrrr,
ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8.

- I am called Grrl.
- Of the planet Omicron Persei 8?

That is a pretty name!

What's on the TV tonight?

Oh, wait! I don't care, because I got a date!

I know it's not what you want to hear,
but I think this is a mistake.

Leela's right.
That's not what you want to hear.

What you want to hear
is that I fixed my comic book.

Now the hero is more relatable
because he has no ridiculous powers.

Let's watch, shall we?

One more step

and little Miss Constructive Criticism here
gets it!

Oh, yeah? I may be just a simple
delivery boy with no superpowers,

so there's nothing I can do.

Okay.

So? Give me your honest praise.

Fry, I've now seen two comic books,
so listen to me.

Why should I care about the hero
when all he does is cry?

Hmm. That dinner was a worthy foe.

Yes, we shall not see its like again.

So, um...

Um, I'm sorry.
I haven't done this for a while.

I just got partway out of a bad relationship.

Maybe I should take this off.

- You're a human?
- Only physically.

I'm a cross-species dresser.

Wait, you're an actual Omicronian?

Oh, God. Oh, God, what have I done?

This is so hot! Conquer me, Lrrr!

Sharpen your horns on my scaly thorax!

I want to go home!

But Ndnd would never take me back now.

Ndnd just wants
what every she-beast wants,

to feel like you're listening to her nagging.

Is there anything
she's been riding your ass about?

Conquering things, I guess.

I could conquer Earth, k*ll all humans.

- That's a thought.
- No!

We don't need a w*r of the worlds.

That's it! We need a w*r of the worlds!

I'll call Orson Welles.

Dork calling Orson! Dork calling Orson!

You're asking me,

the renowned spokesman
for Paul Masson wine,

to recreate my brilliant
1938 radio broadcast

merely to deceive
and impress the wife of this skinny reptile?

- Sorry. Never mind.
- I'll do it for free.

Ladies and gentlemen,
we interrupt our program

of The Jonas Brothers and their orchestra
to bring you a special bulletin.

We interrupt our program
of The Jonas brothers and their orchestra

to bring you a special bulletin.

I'm speaking to you from the hickory farms
in Grover's Mall, New Jersey,

through a mouthful of summer sausage,

mmm, where I hardly know
where to begin. Mmm!

A huge spacecraft,
piloted by a devastatingly handsome...

Now, how in God's name
do I know what the fellow looks like

if he's inside a ship miles in the air?

It's just foolish on its face.

If you want the cheese log,
you'll read what I wrote.

Very well. I shall comply.

I'm getting reports
that cities across the globe

are being destroyed by this noble invader,

whose good looks are apparently
discernible across vast distances

and through solid metal.

But wait, the leader of the att*ck
is swaggering out of his ship

and up to a convenient nearby microphone.

Now, why couldn't I have
just described his appearance at this point?

This is the type of thing I'm talking about.

People of Earth, I am Lrrr,
conqueror of your planet.

Cue screams.

You will now remove your skulls

and play dodgeball with them
for my amusement!

Ooh! I could swear
his horns have gotten longer!

Sir, I've intercepted an Earth broadcast.

Put it up on the Zenith.

Oh, God!

Earth is conquered,
the destruction of civilization complete.

Now stay tuned for Little Orphan Annie.

To hell with Little Orphan Annie!
We've got to do something.

What's that, honey? How many dead?

I don't know, 80 million?

Okay. I love you, too.

That was Ndnd. She's taking me back!

I'm sorry I've been so difficult.

So, you thought you could
conquer us so easily, eh?

Nice job. We surrender.

Earth is yours.

Damn, I'm good.

Now, may I please have that cheese log?

O glorious conqueror,
permit me to offer up a sacrifice.

How about this?

Hey!

- Yeah, he'll do.
- Come on, Lrrr. Show's over.

Fine, okay.

About this conquering thing,

Funny story...

Hello, Lrrr.

Lrrr! Put a stop to this right now!

Okay! Okay! Quit nagging!

Lrrr, why are you yelling softly
with the purple-furred one?

Uh, it's nothing, my queen.

- He messed up my hair.
- I'm missing a leg!

We fought like hell, sir,

but in the end,
we caved like a house of soufflé cards.

Got it. Peace with honor.

Well, I resign again.

Come, Nixon.
Introduce me to the kitchen staff.

I must lay down the law
about Lrrr's low-sodium diet.

You've got to tell her the truth.

And lay off the salted peanuts!

I'm just trying
to get the leg taste out of my mouth.

Lrrr! I'm in here now, not out there!

Give me a little time. With a lady like Ndnd,
one must use finesse.

Coming, gigantums!

Mmm. That's crisp.

Yes, but no more so than your
squamous dorsal plates in the moonlight.

I am experiencing arousal.
My organs are moving into position.

Ndnd, there's something I've got to tell you.

What is it? Is there someone else?

What?
No, no, it's about this takeover of Earth.

- It's... It's...
- The spark that reignited our marriage?

Yes! Exactly. Good night.

Oh, lord. Now what?

I couldn't tell her the truth.

Look, you scaly crybaby,
you do what I say and you do it now!

I knew it!

Frying pans! Cast-iron frying pans!

It's not what it looks like!

- What do I do?
- Do what I say.

- Tell her!
- Tell me what?

Give me the heavy one.

The invasion was all a fake.
I just wanted to impress you.

You lied?
What else have you been hiding from me?

What else? Nothing else.

I still want you, Lrrr,
and I'm willing to fight for you.

All I got left is a colander and a pie pan.

Lrrr?

Look, we only had one date.
I barely mated with her.

Whatever.
I harbor no resentment against her.

What I want to know is what is up
between you and Bossy Boots here.

- Her? She's just a bossy friend.
- Exactly!

She nagged you, tormented you
and pushed you around.

That is my job!

This must be settled.

I demand the ancient ritual
of Rrrmrrrmrrrfrrrmrrr or Consequences!

Rrrmrrrmrrrfrrrmrrr or what?

Let the ritual begin!

The rules are the same
as in the home version.

Lrrr must simply choose
between myself and Leela...

Fine. Hurry up.

...by sh**ting the one he rejects.

Lrrr, I'm getting angry.

Don't you go through with this.

She is not the boss of you!
I am the boss of you!

Um... Oh...

Leela's going to die!
What would Delivery-Boy Man do?

I do not want to sh**t anybody.

- You never want to do anything!
- Oh, nag, nag, nag.

You want me to stop nagging?
Then sh**t me!

- Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you?
- Beats staring at your fat ass on the couch!

Oh, yeah? I'll show you!

Ray-blocking power!

Fry!

Lrrr! You were willing to
sh**t that bossy temptress!

You really do
value my nagging above all others!

Good night, dumb prince.

Come back, Lrrr!

I want to have your popplers!

There'll never be anyone but you!

- Hello.
- Of course I'll marry you.

Wait, what the shmell happened?

I thought Ndnd disintegrated you
with this ray g*n.

It's just a cheap teleporter.
I bought it out of the back of a comic book.

Cha-ching!

The teleporter g*n?
That means Fry might still be...

- Fry!
- Fry?

Is this him?

Fry! You're alive!

Not only that, I now know
exactly how to end my comic book.

Let's watch.

Say good-bye to your forehead,
because I'm going to sh**t you in it!

Not if I leap in front of your death ray,
and I am going to do that.

Jumping sound! Ow!

I didn't sh**t yet.

As usual, your delivery arrived too soon.

Oh, Delivery-Boy Man!
You saved me by random chance!

Don't thank random chance.
Thank my meteor-wishing power,

with your lips.

Good ending.

Not great.