06x19 - Ghost in the Machines

[bunniefuu]

Listen up, people.

As long as nothing happens
for the next 15 minutes,

our insurance
will be reinstated.

So, let's just sit quietly
and run out the clock.

A giant sausage!

Oh, God, no! Get out of
here, you horrific sausage!

Wait. Isn't today the parade?

Lt's just a giant balloon!

Giant balloon?

See, buddy, it's not so scary.

I feel better now.

Why are so many different
parades smooshed together?

Lt's the Parade Day Parade.

What's Parade Day?

Lt used to be that
every group in New New York

wanted their own parade.

Why, when I was a boy,
we had a parade every day.

Those were dark times.

Now we just combine them all
into one big Parade Day Parade

and get it over with.

Hey, look,
a fog is rolling in.

No, that's just
the Jamaican Pride float.

Looks like
it's speeding up.

Oh, no! Lt's within munching
distance of the Doritos float!

Thank you.
Thank you.

Kif, you're slacking
off on my waving arm.

Oh, no. It's heading
right for those two nerds!

Whoa.
Sweet shirt, dude.

Thanks. I have
another one that says

"Paleontologists
Do lt In The Dirt."

I'm a paleontologist.

I'll save one of you!

Oh, honey,
I dig you so much.

Thank you for saving
my stupidly-dressed husband.

You're a hero.

A hero, indeed.
What's your name, son?

I don't know. Fry?

Ladies and gentlemen,
I'm proud

to associate myself with a true hero.

Mr. Fry, allow me to present
you with the keys to the city!

This one's for the deadbolt,
this is for the top lock.

I think this
one's for the knob.

The city's in
a bad neighborhood.

Care to say a few words, son?

Uh...

Heroes don't do dr*gs.
Except for Drugman, I guess.

I hereby declare
that henceforth,

this Saturday shall
be known as Fry-Day!

Lt sure was nice of the mayor's
wife to have sex with me. Uh?

You.
What?

You could have saved a robot,
but instead, you saved a human.

Do you think human life is
more precious than robot life?

No, no.

Well, yes, actually.

That's it.
I'm k*lling myself.

Oh, lord.

Don't try to talk
me out of it! Well?

Bender, you always say
you're going to k*ll yourself,

but you almost never do.

Yeah. Last time you went
to the su1c1de booth,

you ended up dating
it for six months.

How is Lynn, by the way?

Living in Oregon
with her crazy mother.

See you at my funeral,
suckers!

k*ll me, please,
and make it splatter!

With pleasure, Bender.

Lynn? Huh. Wow,
you look great.

Fat, but great.
I thought you were in Oregon.

My mom tried to commit su1c1de in
me. I don't want to talk about it.

Well, tell your mom
I said "hello,"

and it's been nice
catching up with you.

Let's get this
show on the road.

Oh, no. You're going to die, all
right, but it won't be su1c1de.

It'II be m*rder.

Missed me!

He did it!
He actually did it this time.

No way, mon.
He's faking it.

He really is gone! Everyone,
put on your taking-off caps.

Our what?

Lt's a sign of respect,
you savage!

Poor, nasty,
mean old Bender.

I can't believe we'll never
hear his evil laugh again.

I miss him so much.

There, there, Fry.

He may be gone, but he'll
always be with us as a trash can.

Look at that loser getting
garbage dumped in him.

Glad I'm not him,
whoever he is.

Fry, as his only friend, you should
have first pick of body parts.

Just don't pick his nose!
Ha, ha, ha, ha.

What's wrong with you guys?
This is comedy gold.

He always had my back.
So I'll take his arm.

As a back-scratcher.

I love you, Bender!

Somebody hand
me a bolt cutter.

Hey, dip-schlitz, that's not
me. I'm right here. Hello?

Pay attention to me!

Why can't anybody
hear my witty remarks?

This is hell.

You wish.

Robot devil?
You can hear me?

Why is everyone
else ignoring me?

Isn't it obvious, Bender?

Yeah, I guess it is.

You're dead!

What? I thought I just had
laryngitis and antigravity.

Come down to my office
and I'll explain everything.

So what's
happening to me?

And I'll take my answer
in any form but a song.

Oh, you're no fun.

You see, Bender, it's
simple. You're a ghost.

A ghost?

No, just the regular kind.

Because you k*lled yourself,
you're in limbo.

Your software was exported
to the computational cloud.

Adoy. Wait. Adoy?

Your disembodied
program is now

running on the
wireless network

shared by all machinery.

Cut to the chase,
smokey.

How do I get out of limbo?

That's the laughy part.

You can't! You're stuck
in an infinite loop.

An infinite loop?
I don't have time for that!

Man, this is
all Fry's fault.

Fry? I hate that guy.
We once traded hands.

They still stink
of candy corn.

Get this. That jerk
said human life

was more valuable
than robot life.

What? After all
you've done for him?

Fry must die!

I know, right? I'd m*rder him
good, if only I was still alive.

Hmm...

Bender, would you
like to make a deal?

I'm not stupid.

So, yes, absolutely.

What have I agreed to?

I'll return you
to your body

after you use your ghostly
powers to scare Fry to death.

That sounds fair
and also fun.

I like that there's
no catch this time.

But, wait.
There's a catch.

Crap!

Lf you fail, you'll spend
eternity here in robot hell.

Which, as luck would have it,
is where I rehearse my band.

Hit it, boys!

Cigars are evil,
you won't miss 'em...

Okay, I'll do it, I'll do it!
Just stop the damn music!

Scare Fry to death? Ha!
I could do that in my sleep.

Whoo! Whoo-oo-oo-oo!

What are you? Deaf?

Whoo! Whoo!

Hmm. Soap. I know
Fry's afraid of that.

Maybe he'll die if I rub him
all over with it, real slow.

Whoa, sick! My software
can control electronics!

What the...

No! Not the armpits!
Winter's coming!

As you can see,
since Bender's death,

requests to bite one's
shiny metal ass are down 98%.

Do you mind
doing that later?

Bite my shiny metal ass.

Help! I was att*cked
in my bathroom!

By my bathroom!
I'm being haunted by a ghost!

Fry, you're just upset because
you drove Bender to su1c1de.

Here. Take your mind off it with
these soothing relaxation balls.

All right. I got him all heebie-jeebied
with my bathroom of horrors.

One more good scare,
and I'll be out of limbo.

Ooh. Did someone say limbo?

No.
Nothing.

Hold onto your dookie.
It's about to get spooky!

I'm telling you, something
supernatural is happening.

I'm scared to death!

Stop being ridiculous.

There's no such thing
as whatever you're saying.

Ow, ow, ow!

Whoa, maybe you're right. I
only meant to slap you twice.

All I know is I've got a
ghost that needs busting.

Who you gonna call?

Gho...

The number you have dialed
has been lame since 1989.

Now do you believe me?

Oh, Fuff, enough of
your superstitious nonsense.

I'm sure that whatever is happening
can be explained by science.

Let the seance begin.

I said science!

The veil is lifting.

I am gazing into the
spirit world, and nothing.

You said something
about a buffet?

I'm right here,
you lazy shyster.

Wait, I'm sensing something.

I'm rich.

Ow!

Is it a ghost?

There's no such thing as
ghosts, you donkey-monkey.

It's a robot ghost.

A robot ghost?

What robot would
want to haunt me?

Me, dumbass. Bender,
Bender, Bender, Bender!

Ah, tell him,
you baggy old crone.

Finally. Any more
ridiculous ideas?

Hallelujah.

I'm here to
conduct the exorcism

and avail myself
of the buffet.

Can I get an amen
and a goodly helping

of Scruffy's
famous corn biscuits?

Right away, Reverend.

Oh, lord. I got
the too-much-macaroni sweats.

Now, where is this
alleged apparition?

Might be a problem with your
circuit breaker. See you.

Please, I'm under
constant att*ck by machinery.

I can't sleep, I can't think,
I can't even think.

Very well.

This sacramental
firewall scans for

and removes ghostware
in a 20 foot radius.

Bring it on, holy man.

Carry this at all times
and the demon cannot harm you.

It also keeps cats off
the sofa by k*lling 'em.

Ah. So quiet, so peaceful.

Time to lower my guard
even for a minute.

Ow!

Heart att*ck.

Yep, I was right.

Okay, Beelzy,
Fry's dead.

A ghost!

Oh, it's you.

A deal's a deal, so
give me my body back.

Fry's dead, you say?

Funny, that's not what it says
on his Wikipedia page.

Survived a heart att*ck?

Damn you, Obama-care!

I'm afraid your heart has
suffered a lot of damage, Mr. Fry,

and my cleavage
isn't helping.

Not helping him.

One more sudden shock will k*ll you.

Sudden? That's just the kind of
one more shock I was planning.

The machines,
they're after me.

You're suffering
from machine phobia.

Your only hope is to go
to the Amish Home World,

where no machines are allowed.

I guess
it's for the best.

Whoo...

The only machine I'll
ever miss is Bender.

Say what?

Now that he's gone, I realize
how valuable a robot life can be,

when it belongs
to my best friend.

That's the closest
thing to "Bender is great"

that anyone besides me
has ever said.

Final boarding call for Flight
38 to the Amish Home World.

As a reminder, passengers are
limited to two carry-on butter churns.

I'm sorry, Fry, I'm sorry.
Wait for your ghost-buddy.

Brother Fry,
thou hast visltors.

Hi, Fry. Hello.
Hey, how have you been?

Well, yank my beard.
This be a surprise.

How are you, Fry?

Thank you for asking, English.

My life is simple but plain,
and though Bender be gone,

somehow I feel
he's still with me.

I sure am, Brother Fry.

Yo, big bonnet, move your ugly
but modest head covering.

Ah, right,
you can't hear me.

Oh, I hear you
loud and clear.

You're
not Granny Hester.

What have you done
with Granny Hester?

She's naked
but unharmed.

And now, Bender, it's time to
fulfill your end of the deal.

Sorry, I'm not going
to k*ll Fry.

Take me to hell
for all eternity,

just as long as my little
bearded meat bag gets to live.

That he will not, for you see,
it is your fate to k*ll him.

Says you. I would never k*ll
Fry, not even to save my own life.

But, Bender,
isn't a robot life worth

ever so much more
than a human life?

Of course not.
What idiot thinks that?

You.

You're using my own words
against me. Go to hell!

Soon enough, but first, the k*lling.

Have you noticed that animals are
sometimes spooked by robot ghosts?

So what? I hate animals.

Run for your life, Fry!
Move your ham flaps!

He can't hear you, Bender.

I'm afraid your friend is
about to be fully buckminstered!

Oh, yeah? I'll just jump into a machine

and get his attention
that way.

Ah! But there aren't
any machines on this planet.

There's one,
you rusty old dummy.

Hey, no fair. Ocupado.

Got you.

Ow! Ow!

Come here, Devil.
What are you doing?

And Scruffy's buffet,
how's that going?

Fry, Fry, look out
for that bowling barn.

Bender, is that thou?

I love you.

Oh, my God.

Did you see that?
Are you okay?

What just happened?

Uh. Well, I think the Robot Devil
said he loved me in Bender's voice

wearing Granny Hester's
clothes.

I want to go home.

You still lose, Bender.

You failed to k*ll Fry,
so you're banished to hell.

I get a new body,
and you get to be

a translucent chump
till the end of time.

Big deal. I saved my friend.
As far as I'm concerned, I won.

Oh, really?

You may find your victory Pyrrhic
when subjected to this lyric

For a trillion years or so

Yeah.

Hey, where are you going?

I don't know and I don't care.

Yay, I'm back.
Wait, this is my stop.

Oh. This guy.

Bender, for your selfless act
in saving Fry,

I am pleased to welcome you
to Robot Heaven.

Shut up, God!
Beg pardon?

I want to go back to Robot
Earth. I mean regular Earth.

Hey, stop that.
I command you, you jerk.

Just get out.

Whoa!

Whoo. I've been through
the adventure of a lifetime.

Ow!

I'm back, baby.

You're back
from the dead?

I'm back from
lots of stuff.

Oh, Bender, Bender,
I missed you so much.

Hey, wait, did you haunt me?