06x26 - Reincarnation

[bunniefuu]

A wise man once said
that nothing really dies,

it just comes back
in a new form.

Then he d*ed.

So next time you see
a lowly salamander,

think twice before
you step on it.

It might be you.

Stand by for reincarnation.

Howdy, folks. Come on in.

Jumpin' Joe
and golly jeeper

I got one gigantic peeper

Sassafras and banana oil

I'm a beautiful
purple-haired goil

Watch it!

Oh, it's just that I love
Leela something awful.

Do you think a space-age dame like her

would ever marry a two-bit
low-life delivery boy like me,

and also I have bad posture
and severe financial problems?

Have you tried
getting her pregnant?

Gosh, yes,
I've tried and tried,

but so far I only
got Amy pregnant.

You know what
your problem is?

Too much smoke
in your face.

I want to ask
Leela to marry me,

but I can't afford a diamond ring
big enough to express my love.

That's for sure,

not on the measly salary
I steal from you each month.

All crew, report to the
laboratorium. Get a wiggle on.

Thanks for the
heads-up, Sparky.

Mmm-mmm.

Fish on Friday,

and human flesh
the rest of the week.

Movietone News,
everyone.

I've discovered
a new comet.

One side, boys.
Let a lady take a gander.

Hang on, let me just
adjust it to your eye level.

Holy matrimony.

That's one flashy rock.

Indeed,
it's pure diamondium.

Um, would it be possible
to break off a piece

and put it in an engagement ring
for reasons that are private?

Oh, fuff.

Nothing in the universe
can fracture diamondium,

not even God One
and God Two put together.

But behold!

The tail is composed
of abrasive comet powder,

and that's just what I need
to put a wash-day shine

on my new doomsday device.

Now, hop in the flivver and score
me some of that sweet, sweet powder.

Comet ahoy!

Why, it's lit up like a
smooth, refreshing Chesterfield.

Get plenty of
that powder.

I want this b*mb to sparkle like
the floor at Grand Central Station.

Over and out.

Watch it,
you stumblebums.

You're boopin' my betty.

Um, I'll be back in a jiff. I got to
go check this comet for anarchists.

Would you look
at that gem?

Slap that shiner on a
ring, and me and Leela

will be doing the married
horizontal Charleston in no time.

All right, diamond,
you won those rounds,

but I've got
an ace up my hole.

I love
this time of day.

There's such
a beautiful stillness.

Leela, I don't know if words can
describe how I feel about you.

Good?

Huh. I guess they can.

Anyhow, when a guy feels good
about his sweetheart,

he wants to prove it by giving
her something really good.

I'm still listening,
you big lug.

Well, what I'm trying to say is,

in all the world, I couldn't find
a diamond good enough for you,

but then I found one
out there among the stars,

the beautiful,
affordable stars.

You mean, when you
disappeared up on the comet...

Exactly.

I thought you snuck off
to take a dump.

A man can sneak off
to do two things.

Oh, Fry.

In exactly 10 seconds,

the doomsday device
will blow the stone loose,

and if my calculations
are correct,

it will land here
on your finger.

You've made me the happiest
finger in the whole wide hand.

Comet kaboomination
in three, two...

Uh, hello, cuckoo.

The diamond still
didn't break!

Now you'll never know
how much I love you.

It went kersplitters.

Fry, I don't need
a diamond.

You've given me the most
beautiful rainbow I've ever seen,

all the colors
of the spectrum.

Not beautiful enough.

A swell gal like you
deserves better.

What's that?

Is my eye playing
trick on me?

It's so beautiful.

Fry, you've created
a new color,

totally different from any other
color or combination of colors.

Shucks, it's still only
half as beautiful as you.

Whoa.
Whoa.

I wish this moment
could last forever.

Leela, my love,
will you marry me?

Cornelia, my love,
will you marry me?

Blorg, blorg,
a thousand times blorg.

That's all you get, jerks!

Good news, multiplayers.

After a lifetime of toil, I'm on the verge
of solving all the mysteries of science.

So we can leave early?

Certainly not.

Not until I demonstrate
this new microscope lens

made from the debris
of that diamondium comet.

Hey, Professor.

Yes, Bender?

Boo!

Okay,
too bad, goodbye.

You're not through with this
level. I have another lens.

Byte my eight-bit
metal ass.

That's byte
with a "Y."

Whatever you say, mon.

Due to the lens' remarkable
quark lattice structure,

it should be capable of
unthinkable magnification.

Come, follow me to the lab.

Hey, I'm gonna try that.
So long, meat-bags.

Son of a...

Let me just insert
lens in microscope.

There, now,
for the first time,

we may be able to see the
infinitesimal fabric of matter itself,

laying bare the most
fundamental laws of the universe.

Hey, Fry, I know something
you could lay bare.

Leela, shh. I'm trying to
listen to a physics lecture.

Now to examine some matter.
Any old matter will do.

Mon, that's some
cheap-ass matter.

What the hell is it?

Oh, it's just a log I found in
a hole in the bottom of the sea.

Now, to penetrate
its deepest mysteries.

Hey, Fry...

Leela, no means no.

Oh, my.

There's a frog
on a bump on this log

that I found in a hole
in the bottom of the sea.

And that's the ultimate
secret of the universe?

Apparently so.

Wait, there's a snail
on the tail of the frog

on the bump on this log that I found
in a hole in the bottom of the sea.

Dear Liza.

The snail itself is composed
of cells, molecules, atoms.

Those things
don't rhyme.

Things only rhyme below ten to
the minus five angstroms, you dope.

Now, ions and pions, muons and
gluons, neutrinos, gravitinos.

We're closing in on the very
smallest particles of matter.

For the first time,

we're about to observe the
fundamental structure of the universe.

Such detail.

Such finely wrought,
intricate beauty.

It's like staring
into the face of God.

It's a mirror
into Scruffy's soul.

This explains everything,

even the big bang that
created the universe.

All that's left
is the mathematics.

Put down h-bar,
carry the infinity, and...

My-reka!

There it is,
the grand unified theory,

reducing all the laws of
nature to a single equation.

Professor, you did it.

You solved the problem
that baffled Elnstein

and drove Stephen Hawking
to quit physics

and become
a cartoon voice actor.

I like physics,
but I love cartoons.

This is the greatest moment
in scientific history.

At last, there are no more
questions left to answer.

Well done, Professor.
Okay, back to work, everyone.

Wait, there are no more
questions left to answer.

...and those are today's
high scores. Linda?

Thanks, Morbo.
Coming up next, Galaxians,

what you need to know
to protect your family.

How do you
people do it?

How do you go on, knowing
there's nothing more to know?

I watch TV. It's the next
best thing to being alive.

Oh, what's the use?

I'm just not capable
of the happiness of the dumb.

If only I'd made
some mistake!

You didn't. I checked the
invariance of your Lagrangian.

Hubba-hubba.

Then there's nothing
left to do! Nothing!

Would it cheer you up if
I punched Fry in the groin?

'Cause I'll do it,
regardless.

Body blow! Body blow!

I devoted every
waking minute

to answering the fundamental
questions of science.

I never married,
rarely went outside,

and now that I've found
all the answers,

I realize that what I was
living for were the questions.

That stinks, Professor.

Too bad the universe made it turn
out that way and not some other way.

I wonder why
it did that.

Probably magnets.

Shut up, Hawking!

Fry, you idiot!
You're a genius!

Why are the laws of physics what
they are, instead of some other laws?

To find out,
we'd have to recreate

the conditions
before the big bang.

It would take decades of work
by thousands of scientists

in a particle accelerator powered by
dump trucks of flaming grant money!

Of course, there'd be
no guarantee of success,

and, in any case,
I'd never live to see it.

I'm surprised you lived
through that sentence.

Sorry you wasted
your life, Professor.

I guess you'll never know
everything after all.

Indeed.

The pursuit of knowledge
is hopeless and eternal.

Hooray!

Action Delivery Force,
assemble!

Ha-ya!

Ya!

Hoo-oo!

Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay.

And me,
Mighty Merchandise Robot!

Meanwhile, on Space Planet 4,

the aliens who communicate by dancing
were worshipping a giant comet.

Team assembled!

What is that box,
you old wltch?

Ha, ha, ha.
I'll never tell you.

It's a deep space
emotion detector.

The detector can tell you're
impressed. You should be!

Wha...
The marvelous device,

it's detecting a massive
burst of anger from deep space!

Flying bananas? Ha, ha. I will slice
them on my morning fish porridge.

This is no time for
one of your jokes, Fry.

I will tell you
something that's no joke.

I will lead
the defense fight.

Don't make me laugh. If we
fight, we'll surely be destroyed.

Then what is
our only hope?

We must summon Zagtar,
defender of space!

You forget.

Zagtar was destroyed
by the crystal space devil!

The crystal space devil was
once my brother Prince Hiroshi.

I mourn his loss,

but what matters now is protecting
Earth from that fruit armada.

I see your mother,
the water mutant,

didn't raise any fools,
Turanga Leela.

Our only hope is to
communicate with the aliens,

and show them our
peaceful intentions.

Perhaps they speak
perfect English, as do we.

We can't take that chance. We'll
need my universal auto-translator.

This is my universal
auto-translator.

That will show them
our peaceful intentions.

The only question is
who should be our spokesman?

Me, me. Choose Zoidberg.

Zoidberg a diplomat?

The list of things I've
heard now contains everything.

Hear my words.

My shell may be tough, like
a samurai honeymoon mask,

but inside I'm as soft and
sensitive as a girl made of custard.

Custard time? Hooray!

Please, I am certain I will
succeed with my delicate manner.

Oops.

Instead, I will send
the peace transmission.

Most honored visitors,
we greet you in peace.

All attempts to communicate
with the aliens have failed.

I fear our only option
is thrilling space battle.

Power friends, go!
Power friends, go!

Oh!

Launch all missiles!

Launch all missiles!

We were defeated in battle.

Oh, no!
They're forming Gigatron!

Defeat is ours.

If we can't communicate with these
bone jelly ghosts, we're doomed!

Professor, I have analyzed the aliens'
movements with this movement analyzer.

That device was a gift
from my ancestors. Go on.

It seems their movements
are a form of language.

Rather than speaking... English!

...like us,
they speak by dancing.

Of course!
Having no mouths or ears,

they could only communicate
through motions.

Or perhaps by odors.

That is how
you communicate.

Then our only hope to talk to
them is by doing a peace dance.

But it will have to be
smoother and more fluid

than any movement
mankind is capable of.

What if we hire
a buttered gelsha?

Another one of your
ill-timed jokes, Fry?

You and I
are enemies now.

Hear my words.

I believe I, the most humble
member of Action Delivery Team,

could do
such a dance.

Surely your
hard shell is too rigid.

I call on anyone but you
to do the peace dance.

Of course, I will do the peace
dance. But I will need help.

Super Dance Squad, initiate!
Super Dance Squad, initlate!

We all hope they're
communicating a peaceful message.

We thought we were so smart
with our science and dancing.

But look at us now,
at Gigatron's mercy!

The shame is too great.
It's time to end this.

Zoidberg, stop!

We're too scared right now to
enjoy the ceremony of your death.

No hara-kiri today, but "heiwa no
dansu," the gelatinous dance of peace.

You may be gelatinous,

but not even the Mochi Phantom
could perform such intricate motions!

Says you, salary-man.

Behold the dance of peace.

The dance is so complex.
The eye can barely follow it.

I may be the humblest team
member, but I have given it my all.

I underestimated you,
medical crab.

But will the aliens
understand?

Zoidberg, you are the greatest
hero. You saved us all.

For now.

But another thr*at from the stars is
sure to arise next week at the same time.

Until then...

Action Delivery Force
star hero rocket engage!