07x22 - Leela and the Genestalk

[bunniefuu]

♪ Two... two, three...

Hey, guys.

Remember Carlos, the elderly
one-legged cowboy who lives next door?

I b*at him up and took his hat!

It's really nice.

I hope he's not hurt too bad.

Come on! Let's go to a redneck bar.

Wha...?

It's called line dancing, Professor.

It's fun because there's no
touching and lots of rules.

Hey, look, a mechanical buggalo!

Out of my way, losers!

I have a way with
bucking mechanical things.

Yep.

Hey, baby. I'm Bender.

Ooh-whee!

Gather 'round, yokel wannabes!

This here city slicker's
about to get his nuts bolted!

Oh, yeah? If I don't set a new
club record, I'll eat my hat.

0.4 seconds!

A new club record for shortest ride.

Told you! Yee-haw!

Still, someone should eat the hat.

Oh, my.

Oh! Whoa!

Something's wrong!

Turn it off before she barfs
up her bucket of hot wings!

It's not responding!

Command Center, override! Override!

Oh, no. It's achieved consciousness!

God forgive us for creating this.

Make it stop!

Oh, God, please make it stop!

Look out, little drunk Sheila!

48.3 seconds!

We got us a winner!

Oh, thank God you're all right
and won us a free steak dinner.

Why didn't you let go?

My hand is stuck!

There must be glue on the saddle!

Relax. Let maybe a doctor take a look.

Ah, just as I had no idea.

You're breaking out in suction cups.

Ewe! Why is that happening?

And will I have to die
listening to country music?

Not if I can get you to a better doctor.

We'll have to hurry-he
doesn't have much time!

What is it, Dr.
Tenderman? Is it serious?

I'm afraid these suction cups

are merely the first phase of a
process called "squidification".

I probably gave it to you!

Sometimes I don't wash my
hands for years at a time.

I'm afraid it's a genetic condition
that sometimes affects mutants.

Your limbs will gradually transform
into a slithering mass of...

- Tentacles.
- Oh, God!

So, how many cures are
there for this disease?

I'm afraid... none.

The only treatment is an
incredibly expensive operation

that just delays the
symptoms for a few months.

Oh!

I wish I'd never been born!

Damn it. Why me?!

There are still so many
things I wanted to let go of!

Leela, no matter what happens, no matter
what kind of monster you turn into...

It won't change the
way I feel about you.

Zoidberg?

It's like I'm cursed!

Isn't it bad enough that
I occasionally lay an egg?

Now I have to become a squid, too?!

Aw, Sweetie, tentacles are beautiful.

I mean, look at your Mother here.

She's so gorgeous, you hardly
even notice the tentacles.

And if you're worried, you can
always move down here with us.

In the sewer, you'll fit right in.

Sewer mail!

He's single.

I don't care if that operation
will only delay the tentacles.

Somehow, we got to find
a way to pay for it.

It's no use.

There's absolutely no
way we can afford to...

Wait! We'll sell Ol' Bessie!

Fry, take the old gal to market
and get the best darn price you can.

Yeah, I will!

Yeah, all right!

Come on, Ol' Bessie.

Warp drives!

Get your warp drives!

Say, friend, that's a heck of a ship.

She's worth a lot of money.

I'm gonna sell her at
market so my girlfriend

can get surgery for her squidification.

Jeepers, my wife had that.

Got sicker and sicker, and in the end...

We found a miracle cure!

Giant beans? They must
be worth a fortune!

These babies are the
jewels of the bean kingdom.

But since you're in a jam, I'll
trade 'em for that ship of yours.

Hmm. I don't know.

They're the cure-all that cures a lot!

Rheumatism, botulism, seborrhea,
diarrhea, desiccation, perspiration,

common cold and, uh...

Um, uh...

Squidification?

If you say so.

Wait a second.

How could beans possibly cure her?

Because they're magic!

They fell from the sky!

Oh, now you tell me!

I did it! I got a
great deal on the ship!

Hooray! I knew you wouldn't
let us down in any way.

Well, how much did you get?

Two!

Two magic beans!

Ooh! You sack of bags
of buckets of idiots!

There's no such thing as magic beans!

Oh.

"Fry, you big dummy"?

Very much so.

Whatever you're trying
to do, I appreciate it.

But this is one of those rare
problems with no magic solution.

You look sad.

You want to go down to the phone
store and check out the new ring tones?

No. It's been a weird day.

I'm just gonna stay here
and think for a while.

Okay.

To my wonderful friends,

words can't express how
thoughtful you've been.

I don't want to make you
suffer through this with me,

so I've decided to move
underground to the sewer.

I'll miss several of you, but I
know it's the right thing to do.

Please, don't try to
contact me down there.

It'll only make things harder.

Good-bye.

That's new.

Eh, I'll take the
beanstalk less traveled.

Wow.

I've never been up this high before.

Well, outer space, I guess.

Whoa!

It's collapsing!

What the...

It's some kind of deluxe
apartment in the sky.

Oh.

It's like a Fairy Tale!

Finally, a turn for the better.

Gotcha.

This situation deteriorated fast.

Whoa!

We've been weed-whacked!

Whoa, check out that giant...

Your intruder, Mother.

That is one skugly critter.

I'm not an animal, I'm a mutant
being, and I demand to know where I am.

There.

Momsanto?

Yes, you've discovered my floating
genetic engineering facility.

Our experiments would be illegal on
Earth, but up here, I'm above the law.

Nice pun, Mother.

It's not a pun, it's a play on words!

Come on, I'll show you the lab.

This is Colossus...
the beanstalk project.

Ordinary beans are a magical fruit,
but they're tiny and pathetic.

So we spliced elephant DNA into
their chromosomes for added heft.

So those magic beans are
actually genetically engineered?

You can't just meddle
with life like that.

Who do you think you are... God?

I wish.

Then I could stop these things from
collapsing under their own weight.

Why are you committing these
atrocities against nature?

Nature's out of its league.

There are 40 billion hungry
people on this planet,

many of whom will pay top dollar
for one of my pine-u-porks.

Find yourself a porcupine, blast some
pig DNA into it, microwave till juicy.

And bang!

You've got a cocktail treat
complete with built-in toothpicks.

Dare I even ask what
horrors are behind that door?

It's where I keep my
warning signs, all right?

Stop asking questions!

Fine. Can I go now?

The only place you're going is nowhere.

You've got some freaky DNA, and I
want to see what's in your genes.

Genes with a "G"!

Ow!

Now, that's a pun.

Oh!

I miss Leela so much.

Last night in the bathtub, I
ate a whole box of taco shells.

Yes, I was there.

I know she said not to contact
her, but it's been three weeks.

I'm going to fall down that
manhole again and visit her.

Leela's wrist thingy.
How can I help you?

Fry, where's Leela?

We haven't seen her since
she sprouted tentacles.

What?! She didn't move down there?!

Then where is she?

That's what I called to ask you.

Well, you didn't!

I've got to figure out where Leela went.

I just need some kind of clue.

Ow!

Leela's boot.

Where did it come from?

I think it fell from the
sky, but I'm not sure.

Now I'm sure.

Whoa! Whoa!

Whoa! Remember that
mural on my cousin's van?

It's like it came to life!

I keep telling you, we
didn't grow up together.

Help, help!

Leela, don't worry,
we're here to rescue you!

How do we get up there?

I'll let my hair down
and you can climb up!

That's not hair.

I don't care what it
is. I just like climbing.

Holy Rapunzel, man-bat!

There's a duo here to rescue us!

How dynamic are they?

Not very.

Go about your business, citizens.

Well, back to being the subject of
gruesome genetic experiments, old chum.

Ow! Oh!

Yah! Oh! Ee!

Oh, Leela, it's so great to
see your beautiful face again.

Let me give you a hug.

Uh, okay. Go in that corner.

It's the hugging
corner. You, too, Bender.

Instead, I went to bed
because I'm tired now.

This is about your tentacles, isn't it?

Look, Leela, there's nothing about your
body that could ever shock me, so...

That is nasty!

Sorry I screamed, Leela.

I was just so... excited to see you.

Yeah. Let's just get out of here.

No problem. I'll bend the door open.

You can't bend a wooden door!

I know that, and you know that.

But this door looks pretty stupid.

What time is it?

Time for you to shut up!

Quick, in here!

We'll be safe in this utter darkness.

Hey, maybe one of these switches
turns off that scary noise.

Fee-fi-fo-fum!

You had me at "fee"!

It's another one of Mom's
genetic monstrosities!

Poor thing. We've got to help him.

I thought we were in a hurry
to escape, but whatever.

It's okay, big guy.

We won't let her hurt you anymore.

Well, look what the
giant cat dragged in.

Memo to self... breed
giant cat to drag things in.

You're not breeding any giant thing!

It's reckless and irresponsible,
and we're going to stop you.

Yeah!

Even if it means crashing
this ship with us in it.

Yeah!

Wait. Crashing what with who in it?

Don't worry, Mother, we'll save...

Mm, mm, mm.

Mama knows what I like!

Huh?

The sky is falling!

I say, I say, the sky is falling!

And remember, don't report them missing

till after we max out
their credit cards.

Squid att*ck! Hit the deck!

We're back, baby.

And we brought you a little something.

It's okay. Leela's
just changed a little.

More than a little. She's beautiful!

Listen, Fry, whatever it was
that you and I had together...

Goulash?

No! Well, I don't know.

Maybe it was goulash. But
it can't really continue.

What are you talking about? I
want to spend my life with you.

No, you don't. I mean, look at me.

Big deal. Looks change.

No matter what happens, you'll
always be Leela, the woman I love.

Thank you, Fry.

Ah, there you are, Leela.

I just wanted to thank you for
helping me engineer the perfect bean.

You've made me a very richer woman.

What?! I would never help you commit
your perverted crimes against nature!

My marigolds!

Thanks to that DNA sample you generously
donated while locked in my tower,

my beanstalks now have suction
cups to keep them from collapsing.

That's horrible!

Is it? Now the world's starving masses
have a cheap, abundant source of nutrition.

But not too cheap.

I'll take the cash, and
you can have the credit.

I don't want the credit!
Genetic engineering is wrong!

Oh, really? Tell that to
your old friend, the giant.

Where is he?! Oh, God,
he's invisible now!

Fee-fi, hi. I'm Stan.

Ah-ha! You see?

I freed him from your infernal
contraption and he returned to normal.

On the contrary, I suffer
from hereditary Gigantism.

Or I did, until Mom cured me of my
awful disease using genetic engineering.

That's why she had me
hooked up in her lab.

Oh, well, congratulations.

You look great.

But, even if genetic
engineering feeds the hungry,

and cures some giant guy!

That doesn't make it right.

We have no idea what the
long term affects will be.

And once that genie
is out of the bottle...

I can cure you too.

Okay I'm in.