07x24 - m*rder on the Planet Express

[bunniefuu]

♪Two... two, three...

7x24
m*rder on the Planet Express

Are you about to brush your teeth?

- Yeah. Why?
- No reason.

- What's so funny?
- Eh, nothing.

Wait a minute.

Have you been using my toothbrush
to polish your ass again?

What?! Me, Bender the robot?

There's metal flakes on it.

And they look like ass flakes.

How dare you accuse me!

I would never do something
like that to a friend...

Every single night while he's sleeping.

Who sent you?! Why are
you dressed like Fry?

Because I'm Fry.

Oh! Fry, you old paranoid kook.

What can I get you?

A hidden camera for my bathroom.

I suspect a certain robot of
unauthorized butt brushing.

Got ya.

What you need is one of
these holographic minicams.

Films in every direction at once

and stores the video on a
remote 15-inch floppy disc.

- I'll take it!
- Excellent.

Let me just wrap that up for you.

Who said that?!

You ate my lunch again,
you tainted oyster!

That's a lie! I brought
my own lunch today.

Hiyah! Hah! Ho-ho!

Heeyah!

Amy, quit using my punching bag
for golf ball target practice.

- It's all lumpy.
- It wasn't me.

And anyway, you're the
one who's been using

my golf clubs to pound
dents out of the ship.

I didn't bend your golf club.

And the next time I don't bend
it, it'll be over your head.

All right, people... and other things,

we got some big
deliveries coming up, so...

Your attention, please.

I'm sure you're all wondering
why I gathered you here today.

We gather here every day.

I hereby, in front of all of you,

accuse Bender of polishing
his ass with my toothbrush.

Lies! He's just jealous that my
ass is shinier than his teeth.

Ha-ha, we'll find out
who's lying, my friend.

Because I planted a spy
camera in our apartment!

Let's just see what you were up
to last night while I was asleep.

Yes, let's do see.

Okay, get ready.

Uh, keep watching.

Let me fast forward a little.

Huh. Well, sorry, Bender.
I guess I owe you an apol...

Hey, wait! What's going
on through that doorway?

Let's go, Doc, chop him up.

I got a rich customer
needs that kidney, stat.

There, see? I didn't
use your toothbrush.

You stole my kidney!

Don't try to change the subject.

Enough, you two. It just so happens
that I also planted a spy camera

to catch Amy using my punching bag.

Yet still, I feel empty inside.

That's the most uncomfortable
sleeping bag I ever slept in.

You were living in my punching bag?

If you call that living.

- You bent my golf club?
- Yep.

And yet, what did it solve?

What did the v*olence solve?

Enough of this foolishness!

Amazingly, I, too, set up a spy camera
to catch Zoidberg stealing my lunch.

Yeah, I'll keep the
kidney cool, no problem.

Bleah!

You ate my kidney?

I thought it was one of
Hermes' exotic lunches!

You can't eat my exotic lunch!
That's a serious offense, woman!

- She ate my kidney!
- I'm sorry.

I just get really hungry about 11:30.

That's not an excuse. It's just
an explanation of what happened.

I don't feel well.

I'm beginning to think my kidney
transplant was a total rip-off.

Let's take a look-see.

My Manwich!

No wonder my urine smells like a meal.

Enough, you babbling boobs!

How can this company function
when no one trusts each other?

Something must be done.

But first I have to see a
man about some ground beef.

Look what you made me do.

We're going on a corporate
team-building retreat.

- What?!
- Oh, man!

- Come on!
- No!

Hello, Planet Express!

I'm Dan McMasters, and
I'll be your retreat leader

for a week of fun and
personal empowerment.

I hope you're happy!

- Who are you?
- Jackie Jr., Ma'am.

Jackie Jr.'s my apprentice.

I figure if he's gonna work here, he
might as well get to know the team.

- Who's she?
- I don't know.

So I hear we've been having
some trust issues, huh?

Well, for the next week,

we'll be doing hundreds of trust
falls from every possible height

and level of gravity.

Or we could not do that.

At the start of every
retreat, I like to demonstrate

the power of trust by finding a
perfect stranger to be my assistant.

Leela, do me a solid and pick up
the next space hitchhiker you see.

You going to Andromeda or thereabouts?

No, Sir, but how would you like to be
part of an exciting business retreat?

Mm, just don't drop me off on an
asteroid like the last guy did.

Okay, team, if I can
trust a total stranger,

you can sure as heck
trust your own coworkers.

In fact, I'm gonna make the
first trust fall of the week.

Backwards into the waiting
arms of my new assistant.

Just stand here like so.

Good. I'll fall backwards,
and you catch me.

I trust you...!

Where'd it go?!

I thought we installed
alien-proof air vents!

It's on my list.

What's happening?!

The ship's lost power!

Oh, my, adrift in deepest space
with a vicious alien k*ller aboard!

Any one of us could be next.

Fry, Bender, Jackie Jr.,

Leela...

That took longer than I expected.

Quick, into the ship's panic room!

I didn't know we had a panic room.

Me, neither. It really could have
come in handy, like, 50 times.

We'll be safe in here.

The walls are impregnable,
and we have enough food

and board games to survive for weeks.

We'll be dead within an hour.

All life
support has shut down!

So you're all gonna die?

Then who'll ghost-write
my autobiography?

Now hold on. There may be
a slim chance of survival.

We'll have to split into three teams.

Hermes and Zoidberg will crawl through the
air vents and restart the life support fan.

Amy and Leela will retrieve the steering
wheel so we can steer the ship from here.

And Fry and Bender, you'll
spacewalk onto the hull

and relight the pilot
light on the engine.

Aw, man, why do I have
to team up with him?

And me with her?

And I with it?

Hush, hush, hush, hush!
There's not time to lose.

Just be careful. The
creature could be anywhere...

Except in this room.

The name of the game is Candy Land.

You go first. I don't want you
locking me out there like HAL.

Still don't trust me, huh?

Well, you can take your lack of
trust and jam it in your kidney hole.

The only person I trust is myself.

Help! I forgot my magnetic shoes!

Just stay out of my way, boy.

There. Who needs teamwork
when you got Bender?

Whoa, whoa, whoa! Help!
My gyroscope melted!

I'm out of control!

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

If the creature kills me, I just hope
it doesn't make me into a sandwich

and leave it in the fridge where
some crawfish can get at it.

For the last time, Hermes,
I didn't steal your lunch.

It was Leela. She b*at me to it.

Put a squid in it. We're here.

Oy, there's the problem.

Jackie Jr.'s skull is
blocking the doodad.

Hooray! Everything's fine!

Something's coming!

Oh, no, no.

Oh, it's just a chinchilla.

What a cute little...

Help! I'm stuck!

Don't panic! We'll be okay.

Addendum.

The monster won't even know
the ship has a basement.

Unless you posted it on Facebook.
Like the last secret I told you.

I didn't know that was a secret.

Lots of people wear a
jockstrap thinking it's a thong.

What was that?

Amy, run!

Quit telling me what to do.

- Now will you run?
- Okay.

Do something, Fry!

Not that. Stop dying
and fix my gyroscope.

I don't even know
what a gyroscope is.

Wait, I have an idea.

Hey, what are you doing? Cut that out.

Hey, you got me under control.

Fry and Bender!
A winning combination.

Let's call ourselves Frender.

♪Frender, Frender, Frender.

♪ Frender, Frender, Frender.

♪ Frender...

I got the steering wheel.

Leela and Amy! A winning combination.

Yay, Lamey!

The creature!

It's attacking me!

Hiyah! Yah! Yah!

This is a job for Hermberg.

You fend off the creature
with kicks and farts

while I un-stick you
with my slippery ink.

Hermes?

We thought you were the creature.

And we thought you were the creature.

We made it, too.

But my gyroscope's permanently busted.

I guess I'll be dizzy and
uncoordinated for the rest of my...

Yeah, it's fixed! My
coordination's back, baby.

Yeah. Aah.

I've got navigation.

We're on our way home.

It just shows how everything is
possible when you work together.

Speaking of which, I have
a surprise announcement.

There never was a creature.

Surprise.

The whole adventure was
just a training exercise

to teach you the value of teamwork.

Huh, I should be mad,
but it worked pretty well.

You were really brave, Leela.

And you seriously nailed that
thing with your golf sh*t.

Fry, you saved my ass out there.

Aw, I couldn't let anything
happen to something that shiny.

And, Dr. Zoidberg, it
was your quick thinking...

Uh, yup.

Bad news, everyone.

The creature is a shape-shifter.

It knocked me out and took my form
so it could prey on poor Hermes.

I weren't fooled. The real
Professor wun't never've...

Dern.

Bad news, everyone.

The creature is a shape-shifter.

It knocked me out and took my form

so it could prey on
poor Hermes and Scruffy.

Nice try, buddy.

We're not buying it this time.

But-but I'm the real
Professor. I can prove it.

If you'll step up real
close to my microscope here,

I'll show you that my
DNA is completely...

Is it safe to come...

It's time we solved this
problem the old-fashioned way.

By sh**ting it.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, you
can't give everybody g*ns.

What if one of us is the creature?

It could be any of us.

Fry.

Leela.

Amy.

Zoidberg...

Zoidberg.

One of us must be the bad creature.

Is it me maybe?

Aw.

Quick, in here.

We're the only ones left
who can trust each other.

I know you well enough that
no creature could ever fool me.

No matter how much it looked like you.

Leela, I'm honored,
but for your own safety,

you shouldn't trust anyone, not even me.

But I'm just so scared.

Kiss me.

Easy, easy, you're biting my lip.

Sorry.

Ow, ow, ow!

Wait a second, I know
what's going on here.

I'm the monster.

The creature was right behind me.

I don't know where it went.

Just leave me alone.
I'm really, really scared.

Uh, Bender?

What?

Where'd you get those ears?

I've always had ears.

No, you haven't.

All right, fine, you got me. I can't
keep track of every little detail.

Okay, to see if you're the real Bender,

I'm gonna ask you something
only he would know.

On your last birthday,
what gift did I get you?

- I don't remember.
- Me neither.

Okay, I'll ask you one.

What's the square root of 2,345.4?

That's not something I would know.

Oh, yeah. Your turn.

Um, what color is my shirt?

If I were the creature, I could
just look at your shirt, dum-dum.

Good point.

Aw, never mind this.

In case I'm about to die,

I just want you to know that I did
polish my ass with your toothbrush.

Thanks for telling me, buddy.

And to be honest, I am jealous
of how shiny your ass is,

and sometimes at night, I
unpolish it with sandpaper.

Aw, I trust you.

I trust you, too.

Congratulations.

You two have really
learned the power of trust.

Get away from us, you monster.

Don't worry. There
isn't really a monster.

And no one really got eaten.

The whole thing was just part
of our team-building experience.

And you two did terrific.

But-but what about that hitchhiker?

You mean my partner, Blorgulax?

He does make a convincing hitchhiker.

But he majored in business at Princeton.

But we saw him change shape.

Yes, he is a shape-shifter.

But he uses his shape-shifting
for team-building, not evil.

He pretends to eat some people.

The others have to work together.

We hand out a few tote bags.

And boom! Four percent increase
in productivity minimum.

So no one's dead?

Of course not. All your friends are
on the bridge having a pizza party.

So come on, put the
g*ns down and join us.

Ooh.

I think it moved.

Hey guys, are you coming
to the party or not?

Where's McMasters?

He turned out to be such
a nice guy, didn't he?

Totally, we should go on a
retreat like this every year.

Yeah!

Every year!

In other news celebrated businessman Dan
McMasters was last seen two weeks ago.

And authority's are now calling
his disappearance a homicide.

We can't ever tell anyone
what really happened.

Never ever! I can trust you right?

100 percent till the end
of time. Can I trust you?

My lips couldn't be more
sealed, even if I had lips.

Police have no leads, but are
offering a one million dollar reward,

for information leading to
the arrest of the k*ller.

In the event there are two K*llers,
police are offering an unusual deal...

Total immunity for the one
that turns in the other,

plus a double reward
of two million dollars.