07x25 - Stench and Stenchibility

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Futurama". Aired: March 28, 1999 - September 4, 2013.*
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Accidentally frozen, pizza-deliverer Fry wakes up 1,000 years in the future.
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07x25 - Stench and Stenchibility

Post by bunniefuu »

Zindy, my darling,
I can't believe

we're finally going
to meet in person.

It won't be long, Johnny cakes.
My space bus gets in at 4:30.

Just in time for the all-you-can-stand
buffet at Chizzler.

See you soon.

Ew!

Zoidberg, what is that?

That is the delightful
creature I've been

video dating for
the past four years.

Hit it with a stick!

Tonight is
a dream come true

a real, live date in a
physical place that exists.

I just have to go straighten up
in case we end up at my place.

There. My home's all clean
except for one part, the inside.

Aww. I'm sure it's fine by the
standards of a gross alien monster.

Nope.

Step aside, people.
I got bug bombs.

Bender, wait. Won't the bugsjust
run out and infest someplace else?

Like, our building?

Not my problem.

Fire in the hole!

Amazing.

You move like a young,
roach-infested Gene Kelly.

Oh, my God. It's Randy!

Damn right!

And I'm organizing
a tap-dance contest

for the Parks
and Rec Department.

If you don't enter,
I'll just k*ll myself, okay?

Okay.
No. Wait.

Me? Lil' ol' Bender?
In a dance contest?

It's a way for
the community to...

At last, a chance to realize
my brand-new dream

of being the greatest tap
dancer in all the world.

Well, in a three-block radius.

Of all time!

Greetings, merchant!

I need something
beautiful and cheap

for a lady who is
one of those things.

The cheapest thing I have is
a bouquet of daisies for $6.

Perfect! I'll take half
a bouquet of daisies for $3.

These flower shears
are so dull,

and I'm already in debt to
every Kn*fe sharpener in town.

Allow me.

Oh! Thank you! That girlfriend
of yours is one lucky lady.

I'm gonna snip
her off her feet!

Zindy!

You're even more beautiful
from a distance!

Johnny cakes!

Good God! What's that
horrible stench?

Stench... Uh?.

It's probably this
stinky bus station maybe.

Come. Let's go someplace well
ventilated and grow old together.

Ah... Much better.

It's even worse!

It's like Comic-Con
in a submarine!

Oh, my God!
The smell's coming from you!

What? That?
That's just my personal musk.

You'll learn to love it.
I know I did.

I'm sorry, Zoidberg.
I can't see you anymore.

Somethings come up.

It's vomit!

I'd like to return
these for a refund.

- Don't worry.
- They're unused.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I get so little business
I can't afford refunds.

I don't know what's wrong
with this location.

I understand.

Please don't cry. I can't stand
to see a living thing feel pain.

You are a living thing.
Right?

Uh-huh.

Can I have a refund now?

Ah!

This here's a bayonet.

It's some kind of
kooky half g*n, half Kn*fe.

Now empty out the register!

And no bag, please.
I care about the environment.

I have $3 in moldy pennies.
It's all yours.

That's generous of you.

Oh, no, you don't,
Mr. Big Jerk!

I have nothing to live for,
so I don't mind telling you,

those pennies are mine.

Don't you get it?
I'm crazy!

Go ahead! I don't care
what happens anymore.

Do it. Bash my head in.

Wha...

What is that? Mustard gas?

That ain't legal. Ain't you
heard of no Geneva Convention?

That was amazing.

Oh, you were
so brave and frugal.

I'm sorry. Don't hit me.

Ooh!

I like the way you hit!

But I don't get it.

Most women I've met can't even stand
next to me without collapsing.

What's wrong with those women?

Well, some of them
didn't have legs.

But it's not them. It's me.

How do I put this delicately?

I'm smellier than
a whorehouse's outhouse!

That's terribly vivid.

Doesn't matter to me though, I
was born with no sense of smell.

Really?

My name's Marianne.

Hello, you!

I like your dumpster.

Thank you. The previous tenant
was a very prominent raccoon.

I remember.

Too bad he got partially run
over by that steamroller.

Can I kiss you?

First, let me pinch myself to
make sure I'm not dreaming!

Ouch!

I forgot I was a giant crab!

Welcome, fans!

I'm Randy, coordinator of
this Tap-Dance-A-Palooza.

Whoo-hoo! Randy!

After weeks of searching,

I'm proud to introduce the five
people willing to participate.

Tonya, Bender, Greg,

some kind of blob monster,
and Petunia!

The extra clicking you'll
hear is gonna be my hip.

FYI, this little lady
has a heart condition.

She's always stealing them!

Also, she has
a serious heart condition.

I'm six years old, and tap
dancing is my favoritest thing,

even if it's not
good for my pacemaker.

Aww!

That is
one quality pacemaker.

The rest of you might
as well give up now,

'cause I'm gonna
take home the...

Hey, what's my
grand prize gonna be?

Oh, there is
no prize, Dorothy,

unless you count
the satisfaction of winning.

It will be mine!

In conclusion,

bullying in the workplace is
unacceptable and will not be tolerated.

Out of my way, fatty!
I'm practicing. Whoa!

Ow!

Ta-da!

Friends' I'd like you to
meet my new lady. Marianne.

Whoa!
Hey!

What's the catch?
She looks normal.

She's not a hologram.

Not a robs-sl*ve.

We give up.

You guys are weird.

I have to go
open my flower stand

before the falafel
guy takes my spot,

but it was great to meet you.

See you later, crab cakes.

Dr. Zoidberg, she's great.

She's the best thing
that ever happened to me.

We had a wonderful night of
love-making in my dumpster.

Ew!

I hope she used protection.

No offense, Zoidberg,

but how is she not driven to madness
by your mind-altering stench?

Because, my friends,
she has no sense of smell.

That explains it.
I get it.

For the first time in
my life, I'm truly happy.

It's just too bad for her
there's no cure, I assume.

Oh, but there is!

A skilled surgeon could
perform a nose transplant.

Ah! You're right!

And I, as a renowned ear,
nose, and blowhole doctor,

could do the operation!

Are you nuts? if she could
smell, she'd smell you!

Your relationship
would be over

faster than you can say...

Listen to Orange Joe.

You must never let the girl
know of this wonderful surgery.

Oh, I don't know. It doesn't
seem fair to Marianne.

But on the other claw, maybe
I can't live without her.

So, you're right.
I can never tell her.

You're doing
the right thing.

Today, the competition begins.

Over the course of the summer,

we'll be eliminating
one contestant each week,

and by "we" I mean. . me"

Deal with it, you babies!

Let the battle begin!

Okay. Before those
Pilates Nazis

come goose-stepping
in and take the room,

here are the finalists
for next week's championship.

Bender and Tonya!

I just wanna have fun because
dancing is fun, and I like dancing.

Aww!

I'm gonna kick
your ass, little girl.

For you, my lovely rugelach.

Thank you.

It's Gardenia imperialis.

You can brew it into a tea if
you like severe stomach cramps.

Such a smart one! You know
everything about flowers.

Everything
but how they smell.

Please.
Describe it to me.

Uh...

It's like summer, with a
dab of vanilla and honey,

or maybe winter
with some gravy on it.

I'd give anything to be
able to smell a flower like that.

Marianne, my love,

I've never known anyone
who wanted to smell so badly,

and there's
a way maybe you can.

Really? How?

We have in the doctor world
something called a nose transplant.

I can give you a surgery.


And when it's done, you'll
be able to smell everything.

Oh, Zoidberg! I want the
biggest nose you can find!

Dude, you made the finals.

Congrats! You've
accomplished so much more

than most of us
would bother to.

Yeah, but I'm not done yet.

I got a full-proof plan to
make sure I go home the champ!

You're gonna put
sequins on your hat?

See that locker?

Tonya keeps her
tap shoes in there.

So right before she dances, I'll sneak
in and put rusty tacks in them.

The harder she dances,
the more she bleeds.

Seems like a solid plan.

What? It's the most horrifying
thing I've ever heard!

That's true.

Well, it gets worse.

Once Tonya drops
out due to blood loss,

I kidnap her parents
and make them watch

while I cut off her hair
with these hedge clippers.

Don't you lay
a hand on that angel!

Angel? I've looked into her
eyes and seen her soul!

She's a monster.

You're insane.

Come on, Fry. Let's go.

Okay. See ya, Bender.

The championships
mine, robot.

Why?

What did I not do
yet to deserve this?

Aww.

I think it's noble of you
to give Marianne a new nose.

Yeah. She'll be forever
grateful from somewhere upwind.

True. Our relationship will
end once she smells my odor.

But you know what
would really stink?

If Marianne
spent her whole life

never knowing the beautiful
scent of her own flowers.

Dr. Zoidberg, help!

Bender? What happened
to your leg tube?

I got b*at up
by a little girl.

Please. Fix my knee, so I can get
revenge at the tap-dance championship!

I don't have time
for this, robot.

Here, patch yourself up with
this medicinal wacky pack.

time!

I got a donor nose!

There was an accident
at the fencing academy.

Touch?.

It'll all be
over soon, my love.

May I have
one last kiss?

Oh, there'll be lots more.

Yes. Lots.

Nurse Amy, the anesthesia.

Smell you later.

She's out.

Then let's begin
this delicate procedure.

Okay, dance maniacs. Let's have
a big hand for our finalists,

cute, little Tonya and mean,
old whafs-his-name.

Break a leg, Bender. Oops!

Looks like you already did.

You are an evil,
heartless troll,

so, actually,
we have a lot in common.

In another life,
we could've been friends.

No chance, garbage-can face.

Brace yourselves,

'cause we're
gonna try something

you would never see
in mainstream tap,

a simultaneous,
head-to-head tap-off.

What...

Oh! Scandalous!

It's time for some
fancy-shmancy dancy.

Hit it, me!

Ow!

Ow! Bender.

Oh, look at him dance!
He don't care.

Try this, peg-leg-

No sweat!

Time's up, kittens. The judge has
conferred and the vote is in.

I pick her.

Thanks, Mr. Nice Man.

You know, the doctors say my
heart doesn't work very good,

but it feels good today,

'cause I got to dance
and make people happy.

I never knew I could
hate this much!

Bender! She's a
sweet little girl.

She's a pic!

I'm gonna tap-dance
on her grave some day!

Oh!

This is the best-estest day
of my whole...

Oh, my God, people!
She's having a heart att*ck!

A cute little heart att*ck!

I'm a doctor'
and, yes, they're real.

Clear!

How... How did it go?

Just perfect.

This time, you can describe
their beautiful aroma to me.

on!

What is that horrible stench?

I don't know how to
tell you this, but...

It's these flowers! Ew!

It's not the flowers.
It's...

Ah! Much better.

You smell just like
I dreamed you would.

But most people think
I smell like a burning zoo!

I never learned a good smell
from a bad smell,

but I like the way you smell,

because I like you.

Mmm...

It's so beautiful!

I'm sorry. She's gone.

Whoo-hoo!

In your dead face,
little girl!

I'm not even gonna wait
to dance on your grave.

I'm gonna dance on
your corpse right now.

oh, my God!

No, Bender.
What're you doing? No!

Bender, stop!

The robot has to go!

Huh? What's that?

I took a nappie!

I don't believe it.
She's alive!

Bender's rhythmic chest
compressions restarted her heart.

He's a big ol' hero!

Hooray!

I didn't... No,
I was trying... Hey. Wait.

Come on. What...

Just 'cause you saved my life doesn't
mean I won't b*at you down again.

Man' you are
irredeemably evil.

Together,
we shall rule the galaxy!

Aww, what an adorable,
little kajigger.

Now!

Ah...

Nothing like the first cup
ofd umpster juice in the morning.

Marianne?

Yes.

Listen, I've got a new job,

and, well, I'm going
to have to dump you.

I'd like that!
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