06x16 - The Bardwell Caper: Part 2

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Laverne & Shirley". Aired: January 27, 1976 - May 10, 1983.*
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Best friends, roommates and polar opposites Laverne and Shirley work together at the Shotz Brewery.
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06x16 - The Bardwell Caper: Part 2

Post by bunniefuu »

♪ One, two, three, four,
five, six, seven, eight ♪

♪ Schlemiel, Schlimazel,
Hasenpfeffer Incorporated. ♪

♪ We're gonna do it! ♪

♪ Give us any
chance, we'll take it ♪

♪ Read us any
rule, we'll break it ♪

♪ We're gonna make
our dreams come true ♪

♪ Doin' it our way ♪

♪ Nothin's gonna
turn us back now ♪

♪ Straight ahead
and on the track now ♪

♪ We're gonna make
our dreams come true ♪

♪ Doin' it our way ♪

♪ There is nothing
we won't try ♪

♪ Never heard the
word "impossible" ♪

♪ This time there's
no stopping us ♪

♪ We're gonna do it ♪

♪ On your mark,
get set and go now ♪

♪ Got a dream and
we just know now ♪

♪ We're gonna make
that dream come true ♪

♪ And we'll do it our
way, yes, our way ♪

♪ Make all our
dreams come true ♪

♪ And we'll do it our way ♪

♪ Yes, our way ♪

♪ Make all our
dreams come true ♪

♪ For me and you. ♪

In our last episode,
Laverne and Shirley thought

they were passed up
for a raise at Bardwell's.

So they wrote a nasty letter
to their boss, Mr. Hildebrand.

When they were summoned to
his office, they were convinced

he'd read the letter and
was going to fire them.

Instead, he gave them a
bigger raise than they expected.

The girls were overjoyed

until they discovered
that Hildebrand

had not yet read their letter.

They had to get the letter back.

Thank you.

I'll catch the mail
in the morning.

But Hildebrand's
office was protected

by a tight security system.

And it appeared as though
the girls were sure to be fired.

Laverne had an ingenious plan.

Lenny and Squiggy would
disguise themselves as trees

and be the lookouts.
Meanwhile...

Laverne, Shirley and Carmine
sneaked through the air shaft.

With deft precision
they checked their map

and arrived at
Hildebrand's office.

With Hildebrand's
tight security system,

the girls had to be
extremely careful.

They got across the
room and turned off

the floor alarm.

When the floor alarm was off,

the electric eye beams were on.

And that's the way we'll do it.

Geez.

Whew.

- We're here, we're here.
- We're here, we're here.

Okay, okay.

Everybody, everybody,
let's synchronize our watches.

- Okay, right.
- Why, you know

- I don't have a watch.
- I got 5:15, 5:15.

- You wore the only watch we own.
- I don't have a watch.

- I don't have a watch.
- Lenny, what time you got, Len?

I'm trying to figure out
what branch I left it on.

- Oh, Lenny...
- What does it matter anyway, Laverne?

- What does it matter?
- Okay!

Let's go.

Okay, now you guys stand here

and don't move
until we get back.

- Got you, Laverne.
- Okay.

All clear on this side.

All clear over
here, too, Laverne.

Okay, let's move out.

Good luck.

Ow.

We got to go up there.

Leave him... leave him alone.

Give me the hook,
give me the hook.

Give me the hook.

Is it all clear on your side?

Still clear on this side.

How about your side?

Looks pretty clear on this side.

Yeah, looks clear on this side.

- Where is he?
- I think we scared him away.

- Uh-oh.
- No, hey, shoo, shoo.

Good-bye, so long.

Come on, Carmine, you can do it.

No, no, uh, get away.

- Shoo.
- Get away, get away.

Get away, go. -Hush.

- Quiet, quiet, quiet.
- Ruff, ruff.

- Squiggy.
- Well, I... he started.

Get down there now.
Get down there right now.

Get down there right now,

I'm not kidding
you, get down there.

Go, go, go.

Hey, hey, hey...

Right there, it's right there.

Pull it, pull it!

Pull.

- Holy cow.
- Get in, get in there.

There may be spiders and
crawly things, I can't even...

How long they been gone, Squigg?

Uh, about 30 barks.

They should be in
his office by now.

Ow, ow, ow, ow.

Quiet.

Geez.

- Gee.
- Quiet.

All right, all right, all right.

That's okay, I know where
to go, I know where to go.

- No, no, no.
- Remember how to get out of here?

- I know... I know where I'm going.
- No, you're wrong

because you happen to
have the map the wrong way.

- No, no, no, I know...
- We came in this way.

It's up and down like this.

I remember I was
holding it before.

Everything's fine,
come on, let's go.

So we came through the
vent that way, then we turned...

No, we don't turn here,
you see, we go right.

Hello, Carmine?

Carmine? Laverne?

Laverne, Laverne!

Okay.

Peter Lupus never got lost.

Quiet.

- How do you keep a dog quiet?
- Ignore him.

- I can't ignore him.
- Ignore him.

I have never been a tree before.

- I don't know how to ignore him.
- That's what trees...

I'm worried about 'em, Squigg,
they've been gone for hours.

- What are you, a sundial?
- No.

I'm starting to cast a
shadow on that dog.

Laverne!

Shirl?

Come on, get lost, Junior.

- Come on, b*at it, b*at it.
- Come on, scoot.

Carmine.

Laverne!

Come on, Laverne,
just turn that thing off!

All right, all right, all
right, turn that thing off.

Laverne.

This way, come on, this way.

- Hold my hand.
- This way, come on.

- Okay.
- We ain't got all day.

- And what is this vent?
- No, that's not it.

You sure... how do you
know it's not the one?

I memorized the
map before it went up.

Is this it? This is it!

- You sure?
- Okay, all right, Carmine, Carmine.

Okay, all right, hold
on, watch out, okay.

Grab it.

- Grab it, Laverne, grab it, all right.
- Grab it, Laverne.

- You get that end, that end...
- Grab it. Got it. You got it?

- Okay, okay.
- All right.

It's stuck.

Hurry up, it's daylight already.

We're two hours behind schedule.

I can't help it if I got
caught on a nail, could I?

- Push it, will you?
- Push it, push it.

- Push it. These air conditioning vents...
- Push it.

Take it, take it, take it.

Don't give it to me.

Okay.

How far down is this?

Ooh.

See, it's right there.

Aah, Carmine, come on.

My feet.

All right.

Bend 'em, bend 'em.

Oh, my, my, ow!

I'm so weak.

Shirl, Shirl, Shirl.

Get in here.

Shirl... Get the other leg down.

Lenny, it's morning already.

Good morning.

No, you stupid pinecone.
I mean they blew it.

Squigg, what do you mean?

They could have been
caught. They'll have us framed!

See? See?

Got it.

Stop it!

Ow!

Grab it.

Okay, hold it.

Okay, it's too short.
Let's go back home,

get the newspaper, and
look for other jobs. Come on.

Oh, oh...

♪♪

Don't shake your finger.

Don't touch the floor,
don't touch this floor...

Piece of cake.

Come on. Come on. Get on it.

- Carmine, get her on it.
- Come on.

Crawl down here.

Easy.

Come on.

Shimmy along the carrot.

- That's it. Come on.
- That's it.

Come on.

Don't cry, Shirl. So
help me, don't cry.

Give me your hand.

Oh... goodness... me!

- Whew.
- Okay, we, we did it.

Okay, get up, get up.

Ow.

Get... Get up.

Must be down-stuffed.

Reach out there.

Get them arms...
Reach out there, will you?

I can't do it! I
just can't do it!

Shh!

Use the coatrack. Psst.

Oh, okay, use the coatrack.

Get down there.

On three.

One, two, three.

Whoa-whoa-whoa.

Watch it, watch it.

Okay.

Bend over.

- Bend over?
- Bend over.

What do you mean?

Bend over.

Shh... shh! Get over...

- Get up there.
- All right.

- Get up there.
- Okay.

Here I go. Okay?

Ready? Ready, ready,
ready, ready, ready, ready?

Whoo! Whoo!

Laverne, oh...

Hurry up. You're
gonna be late for work.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

- Okay.
- Okay.


- Turn the other one.
- Which one?

Try the red button.

- The red button?
- Yeah.

Boy, that monkey-faced devil.

It's just like you to point
out the smut button.

Maybe both of those.

There we go, there we
go, there we go. That there.

The eye beams are
on. The floor's off.

Don't, don't move the chair,

don't move the
chair, you can't...

- I can't reach it.
- Well, you can't move it.

That's it, that's it, that's it.

You got it, you got
it, okay, you got it.

Now I am turning the
electric eye beams off.

Switch on the, the other one.

Hurry up. The store opens soon.

Don't touch the floor.
Don't touch the floor.

Reach over to the desk.
Just reach over to the desk.

But don't touch the desk.

Don't touch the desk.
The desk is wired.

Don't touch the
desk, don't touch it.

Grab the envelope, grab it.

Come on. Stretch
there, stretch that...

Stretch it!

That's it, stretch a
little more, just a little.

Stretch, stretch, stretch.

All right, stretch.

All right, use a screwdriver,
use a screwdriver.

Watch the floor,
watch the floor.

Get the screwdriver.
That's it, that's...

What are you doing? Carmine!

De-de-de... Watch the floor!

Thank you for coming
in early, Miss Peters.

Would you pull the New York
correspondence from the files?

- It's Hildebrand.
- Right away, sir.

Oh, and Miss
Peters, would you get

the Bardwell's
International file, please?

Yes, sir.

Miss Peters, are we having
another one of our earthquakes?

Probably just a
draft. I'll shut the door.

Uh, thank you.

Hmm.

To Bardwell International.
You know the address.

Attention: James Merritt.

Regarding that shipment
of irregular sweaters,

I do not feel that sweaters

with no neck openings
are "irregular."

They are useless.

We are returning them
and expect a full refund.

Mr. Hildebrand's office.

It's your mother, sir.

You probably want
to talk in private.

Good morning, Mother.

I could have sworn
I made the bed.

Mm-hmm.

Yes, I took my vitamins.

But thank you
for calling, Mother.

Love to you, too.

Well, ladies.

Good morning, Mr. Hildebrand.

Good morning, sir.

Well, ladies, what are
you doing here this early?

What are we doing
here this early?

Jogging, sir.

We love to jog to work.

That's right, sir,

a jogging wrapper is a
healthier wrapper, sir.

That's the Bardwell's spirit.

But why did you jog in here?

Why did we jog in here?

We jogged in here because
we wanted to thank you

once again for that raise, sir.

Yes, as a, as a matter
of fact, we wrote you

a little thank-you note,
but since we're here,

we might as well
thank you in person.

That's very thoughtful.
I'd like to read it.

Oh, sir, sir, the written word
is so cold, so impersonal.

Why read a letter

when you could
hear the real sound

of a human voice speaking

those two beautiful
words of gratitude.

- Thank you.
- Thank you.

You're welcome.

I appreciate your appreciation.

- Oh, well...
- Now I have work to do.

Of course you do.

My, sir, I must say, I do admire
this security system of yours.

Hey, I wonder what
this red button does.

Pick it up tomorrow.

Boy, this is ugly, ain't it?

Boy, as soon as I get home,

I'm jumping into bed
with Mr. Sandman.

Ladies, I found these two trees

in the pet department
trying on bird feeders.

They said you
could identify them.

Uh, yeah, that's a pine
and that's a dieffenbachia.

- Ooh!
- Take 'em away, Riggs.

Oh, wait a minute,
sir, wait a minute.

- I... yes, we do know them.
- Yeah, we do.

They're here to take
us to a costume party.

That's right.

Okay. You two can
wait outside for the girls.

Thank you, sir, thank you.

And the next time we're in
your store in our tree suits,

you can feel free to use
us as window dressing.

Yeah, yeah, and we're gonna tell

all the other trees
where to shop.

That's right.

- Good night, sir.
- Bye-bye.

I don't believe them.

Oh!

- I just don't believe them.
- Is it time to go home yet?

Oh, fresh air!

Carmine, what are
you doing up there?

I've been looking for my wallet.

You mean you've been
crawling around up there

for the last eight hours?

I had three bucks in there.

I think I'll make one more
pass by the ladies' swimwear.

Carmine, Carmine, come down
now. I'll give you the three dollars.

- Carmine, Carmine...
- Oh, let him live, Shirl, let him live.

Hold it steady for me.

Carmine. Carmine.

♪ We're gonna do it ♪

♪ On your mark,
get set and go now ♪

♪ Got a dream, and
we just know now ♪

♪ We're gonna make ♪

♪ That dream come true ♪

♪ And we'll do it our way ♪

♪ Yes, our way ♪

♪ Make all our dreams ♪

♪ Come true ♪

♪ For me and you. ♪
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