06x21 - Sing, Sing, Sing

[bunniefuu]

♪ One, two, three, four,
five, six, seven, eight ♪

♪ Schlemiel, Schlimazel,
Hasenpfeffer Incorporated. ♪

♪ We're gonna do it! ♪

♪ Give us any
chance, we'll take it ♪

♪ Read us any
rule, we'll break it ♪

♪ We're gonna make
our dreams come true ♪

♪ Doin' it our way ♪

♪ Nothin's gonna
turn us back now ♪

♪ Straight ahead
and on the track now ♪

♪ We're gonna make
our dreams come true ♪

♪ Doin' it our way ♪

♪ There is nothing
we won't try ♪

♪ Never heard the
word "impossible" ♪

♪ This time there's
no stopping us ♪

♪ We're gonna do it ♪

♪ On your mark,
get set and go now ♪

♪ Got a dream and
we just know now ♪

♪ We're gonna make
that dream come true ♪

♪ And we'll do it our
way, yes, our way ♪

♪ Make all our
dreams come true ♪

♪ And we'll do it our way ♪

♪ Yes, our way ♪

♪ Make all our
dreams come true ♪

♪ For me and you. ♪

SHIRLEY and CARMINE: ♪
When the moon was young ♪

♪ When the month was May ♪

♪ When the stage was hung ♪

♪ For my holiday ♪

♪ I saw shining lights ♪

♪ But I never knew ♪

♪ They were you, they were you ♪

♪ They were you ♪

♪ When the dance was done ♪

♪ When I went my way ♪

♪ When I tried to find ♪

♪ Rainbows far away ♪

♪ All the lovely lights ♪

♪ Seemed to fade from view... ♪

Boy, I never knew Shirley
could sing that good.

♪ They were you ♪

♪ Without you near me ♪

♪ I can't see ♪

♪ When you're near me ♪

♪ Wonderful things come to be ♪

♪ Every secret prayer ♪

♪ Every fancy free ♪

♪ Everything I dare... ♪

Such a beautiful song.

It gets me right here. Ow.

♪ All my wildest dreams... ♪

I want to sing a song
that moves people.

♪ They were you, they were you ♪

♪ They were you ♪

♪ They were you, they were you ♪

♪ They were you... ♪

Yay!

Thank you.

- Thank you.
- Thank you very much.

Thank you. Thank you.

Hey!

Thank you, thank you.

Thank you very much.

And now we follow
this tasty bit of singing

with Laverne DeFazio,

a very talented singer...
and a good cook.

She'd make somebody
a wonderful wife.

Or a fun date.

Oh, please, don't beg 'em, huh?

Okay, I'm changing this
in here, so change that.

Thank you.

Thank you very much.

Um, I'd like to sing for
you now a very pretty song.

It happens to be
my favorite song,

and it was first made
famous by Al Hibbler.

Ooh, an Al Hibbler fan, huh?

♪ He can turn the tides ♪

♪ And calm the angry seas ♪

♪ He alone decides ♪

♪ Who writes a sympho-oh-ny ♪

♪ He lights every star ♪

♪ That makes the darkness ♪

♪ Bright ♪

♪ He... ♪

Laverne, wait, don't leave.

Uh, yes, Officer,

we'll try to keep
the noise down.

Oh, I'm so lousy.

I sort of... cleared
the room out tonight.

Oh, yeah?

You're not gonna
quit 'cause of that.

Come on, just 'cause
you got booed a little bit

and jeered at and humiliated

and pelted with old
vegetables and...

fish heads and, uh...

All right, there
were no fish heads.

No fish heads.

Well, that means
they almost liked you.

Well, don't quit.

Come on, I can help you.

That's sweet.

Wh... better yet, why
don't you get Carmine

to give you a couple
voice lessons, huh?

He did that for
Shirl, didn't he?

And she's sounding awfully good.

She sounds good, doesn't she?

- Come on, why don't you do that?
- I don't know.

Come on. You want to
be a singer, don't you?

You want to be a
singer, you want to be a...

Huh? You want to
be a singer, don't you?

I want you... I want
to hear you say it.

Come on, you
want to be a singer.

- "I want to be a..."
- Singer.

Louder. "I want to be a singer."

I want to be a singer.

I want to be a singer.
I want to be a singer!

I want to be... Lenny!

I want to be a singer,
not a trampoline act.

That is wonderful, Laverne.

Gee, if only Sabrina
Bush were here

to share this magic moment.

Preferably in the nude.

Ah...

We'll do "la la las," okay?

♪ La, la, la, la,
la, la, la, la ♪

- Try it. ♪ La... ♪
- ♪ La ♪

♪ La, la, la, la,
la, la, la, la ♪

Higher.

♪ La, la, la, la,
la, la, la, la ♪

I found it.

Shh.

A little higher now. ♪ La... ♪

♪ La, la, la, la,
la, la, la, la ♪

♪ La, la, la, la ♪

♪ La, la, la, la... ♪

Ah!

I see it, but I don't
want to know about it.

I do.

It's the patented
Singing Finger Stick.

- That's fine, Len.
- Yeah.

- Well..
- That is, uh, just...

- just fine.
- Uh-huh.

- Now, uh, Carmine and I
were in the middle -Yep. Yep.

Of a little music lesson here.

Yeah, well, th-that... yeah.

And I-I really appreciate you
showing me your finger there.

Look... Okay, Carmine,

I'm thinking that I need a
different kind of love song.

- Well...
- You know, something

a little more sadder,
for my voice, you know?

Ooh, what about this one?

♪ They asked me how I knew ♪

♪ My true love was true ♪

♪ Oh... ♪

I-I just can't stand it anymore.

Well, it's not my
singing, is it, Len?

No, no, no.

It's just that that song
was done by the Platters,

and platters made
me think of waitresses,

and waitresses made me think of

- Sabrina Bush.
- Sabrina Bush.

Okay, uh, Carmine...

why don't you go over there

and find me a
little song to sing.

I got a basket case
on my hand here.

I-I know the feeling,
I know the feeling.

All right, Len, all right.

Just hold it together
until Hoot Night.

I am telling you,

you are gonna sweep
Sabrina right off of her feet.

I don't even know what
song I'm gonna do, Laverne.

Well, I don't know what
song I'm gonna do either.

Maybe we ought to
do something together.

Hey, why don't we do that
song together we used to do?

Remember? ♪
Standing on the corner ♪

♪ Standing on the corner ♪

♪ Stretching out a sweater ♪

♪ And popping her gum... ♪

You sound so good in that song.

Let's do that song, okay?

Well, Len... I'd
like to, but, see,

what I... what I
really want to do

is sing a real pretty
love ballad, you know?

Yeah.

And anyway, Len,

you don't want to sing a
duet with me to Sabrina.

Yeah, I guess you're right.

Hey, Laverne, I got
the perfect number.

This is the perfect number.

Carmine, this is
an instrumental.

You kidder, you.

Okay, I'm gonna go upstairs

and look at, uh, my
other songbooks, okay?

Hey, I'm gonna warm you
up with some jokes, okay?

The other day, I went
into the doctor's office.

I said, "Hey, Doc, it
hurts when I do this."

And the doctor
said... Don't do this!

That's what the doctor said.

He said, "Don't do this."

Okay.

Now I'd like to have you
meet my talented wife, Edna,

and her very dear friend,

the wild and
exuberant Rhonda Lee.

How about it?

Folks, come on! Here
they are, here they are!

Come on.

- Is this thing on?
- Yeah.

I got to spray my throat,

but I'll be back in
time to hear you sing.

Okay.

♪ Let me tell you about
the birds and the bees ♪

♪ And the flowers
and the trees ♪

♪ And the moon up above ♪

♪ And a thing called love ♪

♪ Let me tell you about
the stars in the skies ♪

♪ And the girl and the guy ♪

♪ And the way they can kiss ♪

♪ On a night like this ♪

Take it, Rhonda.

♪ Let me tell you about
the birds and the bees ♪

♪ And the flowers
and the trees ♪

♪ And the moon up above ♪

♪ And a thing called love ♪

♪ When I look into
your big brown eyes ♪

♪ It's plain as it can be ♪

♪ That it's time you
learned the facts of life ♪

♪ Starting from "A" to "Z" ♪

♪ Let me tell you about
the birds and the bees ♪

♪ And the flowers
and the trees ♪

♪ And the moon up above ♪

♪ And a thing called love ♪

♪ And a thing called love ♪

♪ And a thing called love. ♪

Yay! Yay!

Uh, we're gonna take
a ten-minute break now,

and when we come back...

uh, we're gonna hear the, uh,

the improved voice of
Laverne DeFazio, okay?

So just order up and
have a good time, okay?

Come on.

Len.

- What?
- Len.

- There's Sabrina.
- Where?!

- Right there.
- Oh, yes.

I was looking at her.

Well, go tell her you're gonna
dedicate your song to her.

No, I-I can't do...
Come on, Len. Len!

Come on. Don't worry, Len.

A picture's worth
a thousand words.

She took pictures?

No.

Uh, Laverne, did you go on yet?

No.

I wouldn't go on
without you being here.

After all, you taught
me everything I know.

Well, almost everything.

- I'm gonna go warm up.
- Yeah, good idea.

- Try the Bahamas.
- Shh!

- Laverne? Laverne?
- Huh?

This is for those
hard-to-reach places.

You guys are gonna
be so proud of me.

Hello, gentlemen, hello.

Would you boys mind showing me

to the reserved
agent seating, please?

- Oh, yeah, yeah, right this way.
- Thank you very much.

Come on! Take a
hike, bub, take a hike!

This is reserved area
here. Here you go.

Come on, sit down. There you go.

Thank you, son. Thank you, son.

Right this way, right there.

♪ I don't have fond desires ♪

♪ And I don't have happy hours ♪

♪ I just... ♪

I think somebody ought
to go to the ladies' room.

There's a woman strangling
herself to death in there.

That's Laverne.
She's warming up.

She's gonna sing tonight.

- She's gonna sing tonight?
- Yeah.

- In public?
- Oh, yeah.

Does the public know about this?

No, we just didn't have
the heart to tell her not to.

That-that would be too cruel.

- Sure.
- Too cruel?

Don't you think it's too
cruel to have her sing

in front of people
who are eating?

Ah, well, well, cat got
your tongue, huh, boys?

Well, I'll tell you, I ain't
worried about being too cruel.

I'm an agent; being cruel
is my bread and butter.

See ya.

Uh, be gentle, Squiggles.

♪ ...have anything ♪

♪ If I don't have you, you ♪

- Yoo-hoo?
- ♪ You ♪

- Yoo-hoo? -♪ You ♪

- Yoo-hoo?
- ♪ You ♪

- Yoo-hoo? -♪ You ♪

- Yoo-hoo?
- ♪ You. ♪

Yoo-hoo? Laverne?

- Squiggy!
- Laverne.

What the heck are you
doing in the ladies' room?

Well, what I have to tell you

knows no boundaries
of sex or gender.

All right.

Well, whatever
it is, make it fast.

I have to go out there
and sing in a few minutes.

No, you don't, because
your singing stinks.

That fast enough?

Well, it just so happens
that Lenny and Carmine,

who know a lot more
about music than you do,

happen to think I'm real good.

Oh, Laverne, has your
brain gone tone-deaf, too?

I mean, tell me something.

Who do you think
sent me in here, huh?

Lenny and Carmine?

Mm, you win the $64
question, don't ya?

But Lenny gave me this.

Well, then why didn't they
tell me that themselves?

Mm, that's a very good question.

I don't understand it.

I'll tell you why though.

It's because they're gutless,

liver-lilied
cowards, that's why.

They didn't even have
the common decency

to come in here and
hurt your feelings.

Well, you could
tell your friends

you delivered the message.

Now, good-bye, Squigg.

Laverne. Wait, Laverne.

Laverne, you're acting hasty.

L-Laverne, please, I...

Leave me alone,
Squigg, would you?

The ladies' room is no
place for a scene, Laverne.

Come on, Laverne.

Please, Laverne.

Laverne, Laverne,
are you done, dear?

You're acting like
a motherless child.

Now, don't do this to me.

Now, come on.

You're acting like a
hefty motherless child,

but a motherless child.

There you go. Now, listen...

Leave me alone.

Oh.

Oh, you poor little thing.

I didn't mean to make you cry.

I didn't... No,
Laverne, you're...

Listen, Laverne, I didn't
mean that you can't sing.

It's just that, well, you
shouldn't sing love songs.

Why not?

Well, because, you
don't have a lovely voice.

But you should sing what
we in show business call

"novelty numbers."

You got a novelty voice,

and novelty voices should
be used on novelty tunes.

Oh, forget it, Squigg.

Can't sing a pretty love song,

then what's the
point of singing at all?

Oh, Laverne DeFazio.

You should be ashamed to call
yourself by your Christian name.

Why, that's no attitude to take.

I mean, what
about rock and roll?

Look at The Big Bopper.

Now, he had a novelty voice.

But he also sang love songs.

Hello, baby.

You know what I like.

♪ Chantilly lace
and a happy face ♪

♪ A bony tail
a-falling on down ♪ -

Just a minute!

I'm fixing my bodice!

Laverne, you got two choices.

You can either... you
can either go out there

and be your great
old novelty self

and entertain tens of people.

Or you can stay in here,

feel sorry for yourself

and sing your love songs
to a heartless... commode.

It's your decision, dear.

Just a minute!

I think I'm adjusted!

Make up your own mind.

Coming! Please, wait.

All right, already.

Ooh, lovely hat.

k*ll the purse... it doesn't go.

Hey, where's
Laverne? She's on next.

Oh, Mr. DeFazio,
I'm glad you came by.

I was just with Laverne in
the can, and I'm afraid, uh,

well, that she won't be
able to perform tonight.

Why? What's the
matter? What happened?

Well, it's nothing serious.

Uh, she, uh...

she caught a-a hairball
in the back of her throat.

A singer's nightmare.

Oh, isn't it though? Yes.

- You go.
- Okay.

All right, folks. Welcome
back to Cowboy Bill's.

And, uh, we're gonna skip
the next act and go right to,

uh, the Polish Bobby
Vinton, Leonard Kosnowski!

How about it?

Thank you, thank you.
Thank you very much.

Thank you very much.
I'd like to dedicate this...

the first number and
all proceeding numbers

to a certain waitress who
slings the hash of my heart.

This is for her.

One, two, three and...

Just sit down and watch him.

He's picking his
heart out for you.

Wait, hold on, hold on.
Let's do the other one.

Let's do the other one.
Um, ladies and gentlemen,

I-I just thought of a song
I'd really much rather do.

Excuse me, my darling.
Hold that thought.

I'm gonna need the help
of this lady here who's trying

to slip out the back way, Miss
Laverne DeFazio. Come on.

One, two, three, four.

Come on, Laverne.

♪ Standing on the corner ♪

Come on, Laverne.

She'll be up here
in a second, folks.

That doesn't matter.
I know the chords.

♪ Standing on a corner ♪

Come on, Laverne.

Come on.

- ♪ Standing on the corner ♪
- ♪ Standing on the corner ♪

♪ Stretching out her sweater ♪

♪ And popping her gum ♪

♪ I'm standing on the corner ♪

♪ What does he
think? I ain't so dumb ♪

♪ I know the look ♪

♪ She sees that
look in my eyes ♪

♪ I know the look ♪

♪ She knows that
look in my eyes ♪

♪ I really wasn't
born yesterday ♪

♪ I'm not a little girl,
but I know my way ♪

♪ Around a boy like you ♪

That's the way, Laverne.

- ♪ Driving down the highway ♪
- ♪ Driving down the highway ♪

♪ Slowing at the shoulders
and hugging those curves ♪

♪ We're driving
down the highway ♪

♪ But it's not the road
that gets on my nerves ♪

♪ It's the look ♪

♪ She sees that
look in my eyes ♪

♪ It's just the look ♪

♪ She knows that
look in my eyes ♪

♪ I really wasn't
born yesterday ♪

♪ I'm not a little girl,
but I know my way ♪

♪ Around a boy like you ♪

♪ I want to meet your mother ♪

♪ You want to meet my mother? ♪

♪ I want to meet your
brother and dad and sis ♪

♪ Uh-uh, you want
to know my number? ♪

Yes, please.

♪ I can't tell you that,
I can tell you this ♪

♪ I know the look ♪

♪ She sees that
look in my eyes ♪

- ♪ I know that look ♪
- ♪ She knows ♪

♪ That look in my eyes ♪

♪ It really isn't fair
to waste your time ♪

♪ To you, it's just a game,
but the thrill ain't mine ♪

♪ And I know the look ♪

♪ She sees that
look in my eyes ♪

- ♪ I know that look ♪
- ♪ She knows ♪

♪ That look in my eyes ♪

♪ I really wasn't
born yesterday ♪

♪ I'm not a little girl,
but I know my way ♪

♪ Around a boy like you ♪

♪ She sees the look ♪

- ♪ And she knows the look ♪
- ♪ Look, look ♪

- ♪ She sees the look ♪
- ♪ Look, look, look, look ♪

- ♪ She knows the look ♪
- ♪ Look, look, Sabrina Bush ♪

- ♪ She knows the look ♪
- ♪ Look, look, look, look ♪

- ♪ She sees the look ♪
- ♪ Look, look, look ♪

♪ Look at him, look at
him, look at him, look! ♪

Yes!

And now for the grand finale.

We welcome back Burbank's
favorite musical combo,

Shirley Feeney and
Carmine Ragusa!

♪ There were bells ♪

♪ On a hill ♪

♪ But I never ♪

♪ Heard them ringing ♪

♪ No, I never heard them at... ♪

I guess... I guess
Shirley lost her voice, uh...

I guess that's our
show for tonight.

Thank you for coming.

No, ladies and gentlemen,
please do not panic.

I happen to know
the words to that song.

I can do that thing.

Hit it, Frank.

There were bells ♪

♪ On the hill ♪

♪ But I never
heard them ringing ♪

♪ No, I never
heard them at all ♪

♪ Till there was you ♪

You?

- ♪ There were birds ♪
- ♪ There were birds ♪

- ♪ In the sky ♪
- ♪ In the sky ♪

♪ But I never heard them ♪

♪ Singing ♪

♪ No, I never ♪

♪ Heard them at all
till there was you. ♪

♪ We're gonna do it ♪

♪ On your mark,
get set and go now ♪

♪ Got a dream, and
we just know now ♪

♪ We're gonna make
that dream come true ♪

♪ And we'll do it our way ♪

♪ Yes, our way ♪

♪ Make all our dreams ♪

♪ Come true ♪

♪ For me and you. ♪