04x10 - A.K.A. the Fonz

[bunniefuu]

♪ Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪

♪ Tuesday, Wednesday,
happy days ♪

♪ Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪

♪ The weekend
comes, my cycle hums ♪

♪ Ready to race to you ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

♪ Happy and free ♪
♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

♪ Share them with me ♪
♪ Oh, baby ♪

♪ Good-bye, gray
sky, hello, blue ♪

♪ There's nothing can
hold me when I hold you ♪

♪ It feels so right
it can't be wrong ♪

♪ Rocking and
rolling all week long ♪

♪ Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪

♪ Tuesday, Wednesday,
happy days ♪

♪ Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪

♪ Saturday, what a day ♪

♪ Groovin' all week with you ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

♪ Share them with me ♪
♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

♪ Happy and free ♪
♪ Oh, baby ♪

♪ These happy days ♪

♪ Are yours and mine ♪

♪ These happy days are yours ♪

♪ And mine, Happy Days! ♪

Two, four, six, eight,
who did we annihilate?

Sally's Knit and Yarn
Shop! Hey, hey, hey!

We won, we won!

I don't believe it!

Ten-hut!

Whose ball is that?

That figures.

It'll probably end up
being a meatball tomorrow.

Now hear this.

You're looking at the
new Acting Sheriff.

Acting Sheriff?

Yeah, Kirk took over after

the untimely death
of Sheriff Flanagan.

That's the last time he'll
change a tire without a jack.

From now on, when you see
this badge, you'll snap to attention.

Is that clear? ALL Yes, sir.

I can't hear you!

Yes, sir!

That's better.

Do you call that attention?

I was a 4-F.

Suck in that stomach,
push out that chest,

pull in that nose.

Forget it... you've
done all you could.

"To all concerned:

"This is no longer
a wide-open town.

"The following hood elements
are expected to be out of town

"in 24 hours.

"Rocky Baruffi."

"Knuckles Schultz."

That's even better...
He's really mean. Yeah.

"Fonzie Fonzarelli."

What?!

Come on, not Fonzie.

I wouldn't want to be the one
to tell Fonzie to leave town.

What's that?

I said I wouldn't want to be the
one to tell Fonzie to leave town.

You got the cap, you
got the badge, you do it.

You have been hanging
around these kids too long.

A little kitchen inspection
will straighten you out,

4-F draft dodger.

I got a deviated septum.

Evans, don't ever do that to me.

Kitchen duty is a little
bit out of our territory,

Who is the sheriff?

You are.

Remember that.

All right, inspection!

Move it out! Now!
Hup two, hup two, hup!

Move it out!

POTSIE: Crazy.

What's that guy
got against Fonzie?

You know, somebody
ought to stand up to that bully.

You're right.

Hello? Give me the White House.

Hello, Ike...

Hang up the phone, Ralph.

I just hung up on the president.

Hold it.

Hey, girls, when
you're doing that,

I want to hear, "Fonzie,
Fonzie, he's our man" with gusto!

A little life!

Fonzie, Fonzie...!

Fonz, Fonz, you've
got to bend down.

You got to hide... we'll
talk to you in your office.

I want to tell you
something: Sure.

This this better be important,

or you're going to leave
my office through the pipes.

Bending ain't cool.

Cunningham...

It's okay to stand up now.

Thank you very much.

I tell you something,
this better be important,

you know, because three
cheerleaders in the hand

is worth a lot more than
three nerds in a john.

Fonz, Sheriff Kirk's
been looking for you.

Hey, I don't know that?

He's like my shadow.

I lost him this morning
in the cemetery

when his fender hit a tombstone.

That's a good one, Fonz.

Open up in the name of the law!

What do we do?

Open up! He's going
to throw tear gas!

My eyes get all red.

Let him in, cops have
a right to use the john.

♪ He's a bird ♪

♪ He's a dog... ♪

Hello, Kirk.

Hey, listen, bring your car
by the garage sometime,

I'll get the granite
out of your grill.

What are you doing
in here anyway.

Oh, we're playing basketball.

Hey, put your arms
out like this. What?

Two points.

Knock it off, knock it off!

Why aren't you guys
in the army, anyway?

We're in high school.

That's no excuse, you pinkos!

March it out of
here! Get it out.

Come on, Malph,
you can't live in there!

Get it out of there, Malph!

Move it!

Hup, two, three,
four, hup, two...

That man sees pinkos everywhere.

What is wrong
with Kirk? Oh, whoa.

Well, power makes him crazy.

I was in the Marine
Corps with him.

And he tries to take
every town single-handed.

San Diego, Chula
Vista, Oceanside...

All right, Fonzarelli,
assume the position

and don't try any
funny business.

All right, but if you tickle me,
I'm going to slap your face.

"Eileen Kirk, Granite 9..."

That's my daughter's name!

What is my daughter's
name doing on that wall?

Oh, I'm just kidding,
it ain't up there.

It's in the Yellow Pages.

Ten-hut!

What's that in your pocket?

Oh, yeah, that's just a...

Just reach in there with
two fingers, Fonzarelli,

and bring it out slowly.

Watch him, Evans.

Well, well, well,

carrying a concealed w*apon:

The switchblade.

I never would have believed it.

Yeah, well, well, well,

you caught me with
the goods, didn't ya?

Yes, we did, Fonzarelli.

You're gonna spend a
little time in the big house.

Yeah, yeah, that's cool.

'Cause I'm going to be
the first man locked up

for carrying a concealed comb.

You see, Kirk, knives ain't
cool, but combs are, huh?

Heyyy...

I gotta wash my hands.

Get out of here, Cunningham!

Hey, wait a minute, wait
a minute, wait a minute,

when did washing hands
become against the law?

All right, you got
away with it this time,

but you mark my words,

I'm going to run
you out of town.

What did Fonzie do wrong?

I don't like the way he looks.

I'm hurt.

And I don't like
the way he dresses.

Hey, just for that, I'm
gonna date your daughter.

I'm gonna nail you, Fonzarelli.

I'm going to stick
to you like glue.

I'm going to know
every move you make.

Hey, that's great, maybe
you're going to learn something.

I'm sorry, Fonz. Heyyy...

Evans, move it out!

I can't stand here all
day waiting for you!

You're bugged, Fonz?

After all those jokes
you were cracking?

He is pushing me.

I can't let him see that,
but he is pushing me!

I can't let him get
away with that.

Well, don't worry, Fonz,

because I'm on your side.

He's gone too far, I'm going
to do something about this.

All right...

you just don't get
yourself in trouble, Red.

No, no, I am really steamed,
and this calls for drastic action.

I'm writing a letter to the
editor of the Milwaukee Journal.

That kid is a savage.

Will someone tell me
what's going on here?

Hey, wait a minute, what's
the television set doing

in the middle of the room,
and why is my chair over there?

Well, you know the
piano's coming tomorrow.

Yeah, but Marion, if I
wanted my chair over there,

I would've put it
there 20 years ago.

I'm going to make a lot of
money giving piano lessons.

First, she needs a student.

No, first I need the piano.

Listen...

Oh, dear, come on over
here and sit down... Oh, Dad.

And make yourself
comfortable. Put your feet up.

Everything is just the
same. All right, all right.

There's your chair.
There's your paper.

There's your life.

Hey, hey, Mom, Dad, guess what?

The newspaper's gonna
print my letter to the editor.

That's wonderful.

Yeah, I want you to hear it.

Listen to this: "Dear Editor..."

You moved the furniture.

Boy, he'll write a
letter about anything.

Mom... Uh, dear.

"Dear Editor, are
we going to sit idly by

"while newly-appointed
Sheriff Kirk

carries on his reign of terror?"

Kirk took over for Flanagan?

Yeah, Flanagan
got it changing a tire.

Splat! Ooh!

Joanie!

Richard, go on, dear.

Right.

"Will we let Kirk's

zealous, selective
enforcement tactics..."

I'm discovering new words.

Good, good.

Go on, Mr. Webster.

"Will we let...
will we let Kirk's

"zealous, selective
enforcement tactics continue?

"Citizens of Milwaukee, our
rights are being threatened.

"Will we stand for this?

I say no!"

No. No, no.

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

Tell me something, what
have you got against Kirk?

Well, he's been
harassing Fonzie.

He wants to run
Fonzie out of town

because he says he's a hood.

Arthur a hood?

Now that's just silly.

He eats all his vegetables.

Marion, we have a problem here.

Dad, I think you're
going to have to try

and do something about this.

Well, now, what do
you suggest I do?

Well, you could bribe him.

What?!

Kidding.

Dad, I think you should
call a special meeting

of the Leopard Lodge.

You're always saying
how influential they are.

Oh, they are.

Who put the net at the
bottom of Lover's Leap?

Richard, has Sheriff Kirk
stepped outside the law

in this thing with Fonzie?

Well, no, but he's
driving Fonzie crazy.

And Fonzie's talking about
doing something pretty desperate.

Oh, listen, Richard, you're
overreacting to this whole thing.

Fonzie is perfectly capable
of handling the situation.

Oh, who is it?

Fonzie.

Fonzie, I almost
didn't recognize you.

Arthur, you look so...

What a lovely tie.

Yeah, I, I came down

to borrow one of, uh,
Mr. C's funny shirts,

you know, with the collars and
the buttons and the cuffs and...

Would you ask him
not to stare at me?

He likes tweed.

Sit down, Richie.

Well, Arthur, aren't
you going to tell us

why you're getting all spiffy?

Well, Officer Kirk, you
know, he follows me

up to Inspiration Point.

Does he just stand
there and peek?

Hey, worse.

He tries to give
my chicks tickets

for lewd and indecent behavior.

Fonz, dressing up
like this isn't right.

It's like you're giving up.

Giving up nothing.

I got a date with the Hooper
triplets tonight, you know?

Dressed like this,

Officer Kirk's gonna
leave me alone.

So will the Hooper triplets.

They'll adjust. They'll adjust.

Fonz, if you do this tonight,
then Kirk will b*at you.

So will the Hooper triplets.

Listen, Fonzie, you
don't have to do this.

I can call a special
meeting of the Leopards

and we'll get
Kirk off your back.

So will the Hooper triplets.

Joanie! Joanie! Joanie...

I can't help it.

He looks like Harold Snyder.

Harold Snyder, it's true.

All right, all right, all right.

Now wait a minute,
wait a minute... who?

Harold Snyder.

He's the creepy kid in my
class with a runny nose.

All right.

That does it for this
costume right here.

Give this to Harold Snyder.

Tell him to wipe his nose.

I must have been crazy!

The Fonz changes for no man!

Hey! Oh!

Watch my Dad, he's so quick.

He's the best at this game.

Look at him.

Well, Fonzie's not here yet.

Well, we better
start the meeting.

He can testify
when he gets here.

All right, fellas, come on.

Okay...

This special meeting of
the Citizen's Committee

of the Leopard's Lodge
will now come to order.

I got a good one for you.

Why did the moron put
the chicken in hot water?

Why? Because he
wanted hard-boiled eggs.

Great one!

Yeah, uh, Ralph,

would you and your
dad please sit down, huh?

We have a lot of fun together.

Fellas...

Please, it's getting late

and we've got to get this
meeting going on now.

We've got some very important
business to discuss here.

Right, right... we've
got to make a decision

about these bowling shirts here.

No, wait a minute...
We're here to discuss

the Sheriff Kirk problem.

We've got to make
a decision on these

bowling shirts tonight
or it's going to wind up

like last year,
shirts versus skins.

If I'm not "shirt,"
I'm not bowling.

Now he's not allowed to talk.

He's not even a Leopard.

That's right, you're a pledge.

All right, now, look, fellas,

please, we've
got to discuss this

business of Sheriff
Kirk harassing Fonzie.

You mean I gobbled my dinner

because some hood
is being harassed?

He's entitled to the same rights

as any other member
of this community.

Well, I think a cop
is doing a good job

if he's picking on a hood.

Yeah, but what's
to stop that cop

from picking on any one of us?

He wouldn't dare.

All right, look,

now, we'll start the testimony.

Potsie, you start off.

Huh? Oh, all right, uh...

I'll take a medium
bowling shirt.

Okay, Potsie, that's fine.

Ralph, why don't you talk?

Let Ralph go ahead. Yeah.

Last night, Fonzie came

up to Inspiration Point
with the Hooper triplets:

Happy, Joy, and Sunny.

Happy, Joy, and Sunny?

Believe me, Mr. C., they are.

Come on, Ralph.

This meeting is

supposed to be
about Sheriff Kirk.

He's harassing Fonz, and
he's not supposed to be

able to get away
with bullying people.

This is a democracy.

Didn't we learn our lesson
with Senator McCarthy?

I voted for Senator McCarthy!

I wonder who that could be.

I don't vote, I'm in business.

Well, you should vote.

I want to tell you
something right now.

I'm in business; I vote.

This looks like a 6-14 to me.

But we're just having a meeting.

Unlawful assembly.

Well, what's unlawful about it?

No American flag.

What?

Oh, this is a joke, right?

Aren't you Malph,
the optometrist?

That's right.

I'm Mickey Malph.

You have that sign outside
your office, don't you?

You mean my neon eyeball?

It sticks out too
far. Take it down.

Take down my eyeball?

Oh, no.

I love that eyeball, Dad.

It was a wedding
gift from my aunt.

Sit down, Malph. Yes, sir.

You too, Mickey.

Al, forget about
dancing in your place.

I'm canceling your permit.

What permit?

And Bob, forget about
double-parking your hearse.

But how am I going
to make my deliveries?

Couldn't happen to
any one of us, huh?

Oh, and, uh, Cunningham...

You don't have to tell me,
my loading zone is cancelled.

Right. Yeah.

It's now a bus stop.

All right, I guess that
covers everything for now.

Any questions?

Well, I suppose that
breaks up the meeting.

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

We could still go to the mayor.

Yeah, you go to the mayor.

Nobody touches my eyeball.

I'm in business.

Well, Mr. C., don't give up yet.

I'm going to talk
some more to my dad.

Yeah, I'm going to
talk to my dad, too.

It'll be the first
time in six months.

How long you gonna
keep this up, Kirk?

Until this town
is rid of Fonzarelli

and everybody like him.

What is it?

What have you got against him?

I don't like the way he looks,

and I don't like the
way he dresses.

Oh, that's ridiculous.
So is your hat.

♪ La, la... ♪

Now, wait a minute,
wait a minute.

I don't understand
everything you're saying,

but I'm getting your drift.

Kirk's trying to get to me
now, through my friends.

I know what I gotta do.

Don't do anything rash, Fonz.

Yeah, yeah... do
me a favor, will you?

You tell Kirk to meet me
down at Arnold's 12:00 midnight.

Sharp.

I'll take care of this.

I'll take care...

Al?

Where are you, Al?

Where's Al?

I asked for some privacy.

There are some people
that trust the Fonz.

I guess this is a
showdown, Kirk.

I'm ready, Fonzarelli.

I'm ready. You don't scare me.

Al?

Officer Evans?

Maybe we ought to
talk about this outside

on the street, in
a crowd, out there.

Why don't you
just cool it, Kirk?

"Cool it"?

What does that mean?

That means why don't you
grab yourself together here?

I'm going to leave town tonight.

You're leaving town?

Wait a minute, this is a trick.

Hey, there are no tricks.

You lay off my
friends, I'll leave town.

You mean, if I leave
your friends alone...

That's right, as long as Mr. C.

Gets back his loading
zone, I'll leave town.

He'll get his loading zone.

Hey, don't point at
me. That's not polite.

They all said you were so tough.

You're a beaten man, Fonzarelli.

Whatever you say, Crew Cut.

You are the last
of the ducktails

and leather jackets.

Oh, yeah? What about me, Kirk?

You run Fonzie out of town,

I'll be taking his place.

If you've come looking
for a one-way ticket

out of Milwaukee, you
came to the right place, fella.

You might even run
me out of town, Kirk,

but there'll be another
one to take my place.

And another one!

You won't be able
to get rid of us.

They'll come from
all walks of life:

Store owners.

Children.

Teenagers.

Housewives.

They'll be everywhere, Kirk.

Merchants and townspeople.

Until, at last, there'll be
a sea of leather jackets,

and they'll put an end
to tyranny and injustice

throughout the world.

Whoa, I feel like I'm
in a World w*r II movie

and the sky's full of planes.

What is this?

What is this, some
kind of a Commie plot?

We're not Commies,
Kirk, and we're not hoods,

and neither is Fonzie.

What gives you the
right to decide how people

should look and how
they should live their lives?

Who d*ed and left you boss?

Sheriff Flanagan.

Now, this is all
unnecessary, folks.

All unnecessary.

Hey, hey, hey, hey...

Fonzarelli here has
volunteered to leave town.

Hey, hey, hey, hey...
Hold it, hold it, hold it.

I see I've got a
lot of friends here.

I decided to stay.

Hello, neighbor.

All right.

All right, you people got
to make up your minds.

You've got to choose.

You've got to choose between him

and your loading zones.

And your eyeballs.

And your hearse! Yeah.

You gotta choose,
right now! Choose!

Bad choice!

I've got to tell you
something, Kirk.

We're having a private
little get-together her.

Unless you have a warrant,

I don't think you're
particularly invited.

Al, I'm ticketing you
for unlawful assembly.

I got my flag...

and my dance permit.

What am I supposed
to do with this?

Sit on it, Kirk.

There we go!

Hey, uh...

I gotta tell you something.

I really thank you very much

for what you did
for me, you know?

Yeah, well, you
know, we didn't really

do it just for you; we did it

for ourselves, too. Hey,
hey, I know that, I know that.

But, uh... I'm very happy.

You know, grateful.

Yeah.

Touched.

And, uh, I tell you, I wish
I had a camera right now

to take a picture of you,
'cause this is the last time

I want to see you dressed
like me, 'cause you look silly.

♪ Bye-bye, love ♪

♪ Bye-bye, happiness ♪

♪ Hello, loneliness ♪

♪ I think I'm gonna cry ♪

♪ Bye-bye, love... ♪

Yeah... yeah, okay,

thanks for calling
us, Officer Evans.

Yeah, bye-bye.

Boy, I tell you, that Evans
is one good policeman.

You know he went
right to the mayor,

told him the whole story,

and now Kirk is a crossing guard

at the Madison
Elementary School.

Great, a bunch of little
kids will learn how to march.

Well, I'm glad we're
going to get another sheriff.

I'm glad I'm not
losing my loading zone.

I'm glad I didn't lose
the Hooper triplets.

Come on, now that dinner's over,

let's try out the piano.

Oh. Good.

I am taking requests.

How about "Rock
Around the Clock," Mom?

That's a little after
my time, Joanie.

Yeah. Sweetheart, play
my favorite, will you?

"Moonlight Bay."

"Moonlight Bay" coming up.

♪ Along... ♪
That's it.

♪ On moonlight bay ♪

♪ Not the river but the bay ♪

♪ We could hear
the voices singing ♪

♪ They seemed to say ♪

♪ Seemed to say, seemed to say ♪

♪ You have stolen my heart ♪

♪ Now don't go 'way... ♪

I love middle-class families.

♪ These happy days
are yours and mine ♪

♪ These are the Happy Days. ♪

♪ Good-bye, gray
sky, hello, blue ♪

♪ There's nothing can
hold me when I hold you ♪

♪ It feels so right,
it can't be wrong ♪

♪ Rockin' and
rollin' all week long ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

♪ Happy and free ♪
♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

♪ Share them with me ♪
♪ Oh, baby ♪

♪ These happy days
are yours and mine ♪

♪ These happy days are
yours and mine, Happy Days! ♪