08x04 - Lost in Spacesuits

[bunniefuu]

♪ One, two, three, four,
five, six, seven, eight ♪

♪ Schlemiel, Schlimazel,
Hasenpfeffer Incorporated. ♪

(trumpeting)

♪ We're gonna do it! ♪

♪ Give us any
chance, we'll take it ♪

♪ Read us any
rule, we'll break it ♪

♪ We're gonna make
our dreams come true ♪

♪ Doin' it our way ♪

♪ Nothin's gonna
turn us back now ♪

♪ Straight ahead
and on the track now ♪

♪ We're gonna make
our dreams come true ♪

♪ Doin' it our way ♪

♪ There is nothing
we won't try ♪

♪ Never heard the
word "impossible" ♪

♪ This time there's
no stopping us ♪

♪ We're gonna do it ♪

♪ On your mark,
get set and go now ♪

♪ Got a dream and
we just know now ♪

♪ We're gonna make
that dream come true ♪

♪ And we'll do it our
way, yes, our way ♪

♪ Make all our
dreams come true ♪

♪ And we'll do it our way ♪

♪ Yes, our way ♪

♪ Make all our
dreams come true ♪

♪ For me and you. ♪

- LAVERNE: Carmine?
- What? What? What? What?

LAVERNE: Can you
help me price these things

for my garage sale?

Look, Laverne, you don't
have to sell your stuff.

- I do, too.
- No, you don't. Look.

You'll find a new
job any day now.

- Oh, yeah, sure.
- Sure, you will.

Look, look, can you type?

60 words per hour.

Well, forget about that one.

Oh, here's one, here's one.

Meet interesting people
while earning big bucks.

I like that.

No experience necessary.

I got that.

Apply in person, Chez
Perée Topless Dance Club.

You wouldn't.

I couldn't.

But you would?

If I could.

But you can't!

So I won't!

All right, what about this?

What about this piggy, huh?

Oh, I can't, I can't.

My pop gave this to me.

(coins rattling)

It's got money in it.

That ain't money.
Those are slugs.

I can't believe it.

I was five years old,
my pop gave me slugs.

Hi-ho, Rhonda's here.

How's my pathetic
unemployed friend?

Rhonda would like to
borrow your bedroom window.

That hunky guy across the street

is doing his exercises
with the shade up!

Is he wearing what
I think he's wearing?

Less.

Uh, Rhonda, the
bedroom's sort of a mess.

Let me go clean it up,

and then I'll have
you come up, okay?

- I'll be right down.
- Okay!

We got to talk fast, Carmine.

I only paid him to do a
hundred jumping jacks,

and that won't keep
her busy for long.

Everything will be
ruined if she hears us

talking about
the surprise party.

Don't worry. She'll
never guess about it.

The surprise party's three
weeks before her birthday.

I'll take care of everything.

You just make sure you
take her shopping on Monday.

And while you're out, I'll
decorate the whole place.

- All right?
- Oh, I can't believe it!

He caught me watching him.

He held up a sign
that said, "Hi, Laverne."

I'm so embarrassed.

Did he mention Rhonda?

- No.
- Oh, well.

I'm gonna go give
him a piece of my mind.

Come on, right this way.

Come on, come on, come on. Hey!

Guess who I found
eating in my restaurant.

Baby Huey.

No, better than that.

- Tell her, tell her.
- Hi.

I'm Bill Ajax, president
of Ajax Aerospace.

Hey, I see all your
TV commercials.

- "What goes up must be Ajax."
- Oh, oh, yeah!

- Oh, why don't you have a seat?
- Oh, thank you, thank you.

Here, sit down. Wipe your
mouth, wipe your mouth.

- You look terrible.
- Oh, I'm sorry.

Pop, what is this?

I know this guy from Anzio.

Oh, no, not another Anzio story.

No, no, no, this one
is true. I saved his life.

- Oh.
- Yeah!

I was standing over there
about a quarter of a mile away.

And I saw this b*mb.

And you threw
yourself on the b*mb!

Nah!

I said, "Ajax, Ajax!

Don't go near the b*mb!"

And he ran like crazy.

Yeah, and the daughter of
anybody who saved my life

has got a job at my
aerospace factory.

A job at your aerospace factory?

Uh...

Here, maybe you
want to use this, okay?

Oh, thank you, yes.

Uh, look, before I take any job,

I-I sort of got to
know what it is.

You see, the last time
my pop got me a job,

I wound up tied to a chair with
whipped cream all over my body,

and then they
threw arrows at me.

You got your daughter
a job in a dirty movie?

What movie? She was
a substitute teacher.

Oh.

Well, I-I wouldn't worry.

We're a big company.

I'm sure we'll find
something that suits you.

- Oh, could I ask one other question?
- Yeah.

Um, just how much
am I gonna make?

Well, how much you worth?

I can't live on that.

Oh.

Uh, well, we'll work it out.

- I'll see you on Monday.
- Monday!

- Yeah.
- Monday, I'll see you on Monday.

Thanks.

- Pop, you got me a job!
- Hey, sweetheart.

Oh, you always
come through for me.

That's right.

From now on, anything
you want, you've got.

Okay.

You want to tell me why
there's a guy across the street

in his underwear holding up a
sign that says, "Hi, Laverne"?

Okay, I'll tell you
why if you tell me

why you gave me slugs
when I was five years old.

That's a nice-looking
fellow across the street.

He's tall, prints
your name nice.

It's printed nice.

Hi. I'm Laverne DeFazio.

Personnel sent me up here.

I'm supposed to see a...

Mr. Giblets Klein.

That's G. b*ll*ts Klein.

- Oh.
- You see.

"G, period, b*ll*ts Klein."

(laughing): b*llet,
that's a dog's name.

It's also your boss's name.

It's a lovely name, sir.

Boy, I-I didn't know there
would be so much science here.

I was never really good
in science in school.

But I did watch
Mr. Wizard a lot.

Um, that is until Winky Dink
came on, and then I didn't.

But I'm willing to learn.

According to your test results,

you have an amazing
aptitude for science.

Yeah?

Oh, well, that's 'cause
it was multiple choice,

and I used the
ABBACADABA system.

What's that?

Oh, well, you start at the top,

and you go
A-B-B-A-C-A-D-A-B-B-A.

Then you start at the top.

A-B-B-A-C-A-D-A-B-B-A...

Stop it!

In that case, why don't we
start with something simple?

A job our robot used
to do till it broke down.

(ping ringing)

(low, ringing tone)

b*ll*ts: DeFazio?

That's Chuck.

Forget him.

He has his own methods.

This is a battery-operated
gravity boot.

All right.

It keeps you down on the
ground while you're on the moon.

Hmm, well, you know, you guys
could save an awful lot of money

if you just put a big
wad of bubblegum

on the bottom of each
one of these babies.

Pay attention.

Take the gravity boot.

- Put it here.
- Uh-huh.

You turn on the switch.
You turn this knob.

You check the
number on the dial.

When you've done that,
you turn off the switch

and you take another boot,
and you do the same thing.

Over and over and
over and over again.

You think you can handle it?

Sounds awfully dull.

It is.

The robot didn't break.

It quit.

Well... hey, look, um...

maybe I'm not as bad in
science as I thought I was.

Maybe I can work one of
them squiggly machines over...

Forget it. Another thing.

- Once you've inspected each boot...
- Mm-hmm.

You take one of these
tags, and you put it on it.

Oh, "inspected by number 27."

I always wondered how
these things got in your pants.

DeFazio, I can tell

you're gonna push
me right to the edge.

I like that.

Pick up the boot.

Flick on the switch.

Look at the number.

Put on a sticker.

Put it in the box.

Pick up the thing.

Put on the boot.

Put it away.

Oh, boy, I thought this
job was gonna be exciting.

This is more boring than putting

bottle caps on beer
bottles in Milwaukee.

Want some excitement?

Yeah.

- Come here.
- What?

What is it? What?

Take off your clothes.

Oh, no.

Gonna start with that stuff
the first day on the job?

Thanks a lot.

Laverne?

I'm testing an antigravity
space suit here.

And-and you can help me test it.

A space suit?

You know, this is what I thought
this job would be more like.

- You know?
- Yeah, look, hey!

Try it on in this
closet over here.

You know, this is like
a dream come true.

I-I-I was a big fan of Captain
Video and the Video Rangers.

You know, "Zoom!"

And I always wanted
to wear a space suit

so I could look like Princess
Noona of the planet Zartron.

Oh, Princess Nuna, we
should all look that good

when we're 2,000 years old.

- Wasn't she beautiful?
- Very.

Hey, does this thing
come with a decoder ring?

- I wish.
- Ah.

Just checking.

Okay. Watch the zipper.

Okay.

Za-zoom!

How do I look?

Laverne!

You look great!

Why are you wearing
that space suit?

You told me to put it on.

What luck! I need
someone to help me test it.

Well, well, all
I can tell you...

This antigravity part
ain't working too good.

Okay, I just got to
get the remote control.

Okay, here it is.

Turn it on.

Set the polarity.

Current.

Modal.

And...

Laverne?

Laverne?!

Up here, Chuck.

Oh, no, I'm starting

to hear those voices again.

No, look up, look up!

Laverne, it really works!

Yeah!

This is great!

Yeah, I feel just
like Peter Pan.

Oh, fantastic!

I always wanted to fly.

Look, I don't have to
flap my wings or anything.

Chuck!

Help!

Oh, wait, Chuck! Oh!

I'm-I'm sorry
about that, Laverne.

I just got to get
used to it here.

Come over here for a second.

- Okay.
- Here.

Oh, what did that do? Oh!

- Sorry, Laverne.
- Okay, Chuck.

Okay, now, I'm gonna
try something here.

Okay, what are you trying?
Chuck, you're trying something.

- It's working!
- Chuck, what are you doing?!

Chuck! Chuck!

(Laverne yelling)

Don't worry, Laverne.
This is good for you.

- No!
- It's good for you.

Stop it, whatever
it is you're doing!

Stop it!

Hey, Laverne, you look
really good upside down.

Yeah, well, thanks a lot, Chuck.

But, you see, I-I want...

- I... I just had an idea.
- What?

Listen, there's a
kite flying contest

at the beach this weekend.

And I think we-we'd
be a cinch to win!

You and me, what do you say?

Uh, well, I'm very flattered,
but I'm also very dizzy.

Could you, please,
please, get me down?

You want to come down?

- Please!
- Okay, okay.

All I got to do is
flip these switches,

turn this dial here...

And come on down, Laverne.

- Okay.
- Okay.

Come on down, Laverne.

Okay.

Down is this way, Laverne.

- Okay.
- Okay.

Okay-kay-kay. Here I come.

- Here I come, coming down.
- Okay.

Here I come.

Clear the runway.

- Chuck.
- Huh?

It's not moving.

Well, I-I think
your rudder's stuck.

I don't have a rudder.

Well, then you're stuck.

Well, well, do something!

I can't!

Well, don't... don't
do that, Chuck!

Don't do that! No, please!

Don't do that, Chuck, please!

Now, come on, do something!

I used to be a woman, Chuck.

Now I'm a balloon, okay?

You're all I got.

Now, work with me.

Do something, Chuck...
Pick up the phone

- or something.
- Okay. I'll pick up the phone, Laverne.

I got to tell you
something right now.

If I call them, they're
gonna fire us both.

Hang up! Hang up!

- Hang up!
- Here, Laverne, I got an idea.

- What?
- Read this. This will bring you down.

Oh, very funny!

I don't know how I ever let you

- talk me into this, Chuck.
- I'm sorry.

I thought it'd be a lot more
fun flying around than-than...

examining those
stupid gravity boots.

That's it! That's it, Chuck!

- What's it?
- That's it!

If your brains weren't so
pan-fried, you'd be a genius.

Toss me one of those
gravity boots in the carton.

- What size?
- Who cares?! I'm just gonna hold them.

Okay, I think seven and a
half is right. Here, double-A.

- Okay.
- Flip the switch.

Switch.

Whoa! Oh!

Oh, oh, oh, oh!

Oh, thank goodness.

Okay, Chuck, now,
help me get this thing

- off of me, and we're out of here.
- Okay.

- Hey, Laverne?
- Yeah?

I think we got to talk.

Uh, not now. On
the way out, okay?

I don't think this can
wait, Laverne... you see,

there's this thing back here
that looks a lot like a lock.

Well, what do you think it is?

A lock.

(groans)

b*ll*ts (over P.A.):
Attention, all day-shift employees.

If you're not authorized
for overtime duty,

you must leave the
building in five minutes.

I mean it.

Okay... Chuck, Chuck,

help me get these boots
on and get my shoes off.

Okay.

- Okay.
- Don't let go of me at any cost.

- Here, sit up. Okay, I got an idea.
- What?

- I got an idea. I can
go to my locker, -Yeah.

- I can get my toolbox...
- Yeah.

- No, that's not gonna work.
- Why not? Why not?

'Cause there's no
tools in my toolbox.

That's where I keep my munchies.

That's just great,
Chuck! That's just great!

Why don't we just stuff
some Oreos in the lock, huh?

- Help me get up.
- Okay.

Help me up. (groaning)

Okay, my pop's got a toolbox.

- He'll get me out of this.
- Your pop. Okay. I got an idea.

Get your purse, and then we
can sneak out the back way,

- we can go to the bus stop.
- Sure, sure.

We'll just take the bus home.

I'll just tell the bus driver I
missed the last space shuttle.

♪♪

♪♪

(tires squealing)

- ♪♪
- (crickets chirping)

Ragusa, in 1956,
you bought cookies

from a Girl Scout
named Anna Johnson.

Seven years later, she
became a Communist.

How do you explain that?

I was hungry.

Excuse me, excuse me,

uh, what are you asking
all these questions for?

Part of the security check.

Whenever we hire
somebody new, we like to know

which side of the Berlin
Wall they're standing on.

- (phone rings)
- Whoa, whoa, I'll get it.

We also like to
check their friends.

I'm a firm believer in
guilt by association.

Hello?

Who?

Ah, you got a wrong number.

There's no Twinkie here.

Hold it, DeFazio.

That's for me.

FRANK, CARMINE
and RHONDA: Twinkie?

- Hee-hee! Twinkie!
- (Rhonda laughing)

b*ll*ts: Code.

You never heard of code?

Twinkie here.

What's that?

Fruit Pie?

A cookie is missing
from the cookie jar?

Did you tell Cupcake?

No? Well, put a
fruit pie in the fridge,

and I'll be there
as soon as I can.

Hey, Twink, something wrong?

Yes. A top secret
antigravity suit is missing

- from the storage area.
- (phone ringing)

- Oh, I'll...
- Don't answer that.

It's for me.

Where can I take it in private?

- Uh, there's a phone upstairs.
- (ringing continues)

You know something?
I don't like that guy.

- How come?
- He asks too many questions.

And besides, he
ate the whole dip.

- (footsteps approaching)
- Shh, quiet, I think she's coming.

FRANK: Oh.

LAVERNE: Okay, my pop
wasn't at the restaurant.

I'll call him at home.

- CHUCK: Great.
- OTHERS: Surprise!

LAVERNE: Oh! Oh,
look at this, you guys!

I can't believe it...
Balloons and everything!

- Laverne, no, no, no, no...
- Presents! Aw!

Boy, you really know
how to surprise someone.

Yeah, well,

we got a bigger
surprise for you.

b*ll*ts Klein is upstairs,
and we know all about

that space suit you're wearing.

You guys really know
how to throw a party,

but I got to run. Chuck!

Chuck!

Chuck? Chuck?

- OTHERS: Chuck!
- The power packs

on her gravity boots
must be wearing down.

That's why she's weightless.

Well, help me
down. Help me down.

- Help me get down.
- Okay.

- Pull!
- Get down. -Easy.

Pull me down.

Okay.

Whoa! And hold me
down. Hold me down.

- Okay, now I got to hide.
- Okay.

- Hide her.
- Wait a minute, Rhonda's got an idea.

Wait till you see
my birthday gift.

Aw, not now, Rhonda... this
isn't the time; maybe later.

- Oh, don't try garments on me, please.
- Oh... there.

It's perfect.

Now I don't feel so bad it only
came in extra-large. (laughs)

RHONDA: Yeah.

Rhonda... what would
you give me this for?

It's ugly.

Well, that's one
way of looking at it.

Or you won't have to
worry about another woman

showing up in the same dress.

CARMINE: I got
it, I got it, I got it.

Sit her down, sit her
down, set her down!

Hold on to her, hold
on. I got it, got it, got it.

I got it, I got it, I
got it, I got it, I got it.

- Aha! You'll be a lamp.
- RHONDA: Oh, good!

CARMINE: All right.

(Rhonda laughs, hums a tune)

RHONDA: Okay.

Let me get this
straight, Fruit Pie.

The cookie's been
spotted riding a chicken?

- (hangs up phone)
- Shh. I hear him coming.

Quiet.

(Rhonda humming a tune)

(Rhonda whistling a tune)

CARMINE: Hey, b*ll*ts.
What's shaking, buddy?

Good news.

The suit's been
spotted on a local bus.

Now all I have to do is
wait for the phone call,

and the culprit's mine.

What are you doing here, Chuck?

I came here to see a
good friend of mine, uh,

what's-his-name over here.

Carmine Ragusa.

CHUCK: Carmine, how you doing?

(Laverne grunts)

Did that lamp just move?

No, no, it's an earthquake.

We-we get them
here all the time.

Whoa, hey, look at that.

Very unusual. I
didn't feel a thing.

Oh, yeah, yeah. There
goes another one!

- Hey, there's another one!
- (others shouting)

RHONDA: 4.2 on that scale!

That's odd. Nothing else moved.

- Whoa, that's a beauty!
- Yeah! -Oh, yeah!

- Look at that go! Wow!
- Hey, whoa!

What the deuce is going on here?

Well, uh... they say that
the, um, safest place to be

during an earthquake is the...

- LAVERNE: Zoo.
- Zoo! Zoo! -Yeah, the zoo.

(indistinct,
overlapping chatter)

Now, isn't-isn't that amazing,
this modern furniture, huh?

It's a floor lamp and
it's a ceiling lamp.

Huh? Pretty good, huh?

I think I can explain
everything, boss.

b*ll*ts: There's nothing
necessary to explain.

The case is solved.

Give me a hand, Chuck.

Hi.

Without the helmet on...

you're stabilized.

Phew! Phew! Well,
let me just tell you

that this space suit
checked out okay.

Come on, Chuck, let's
get it back to the lab.

- Not so fast, DeFazio.
- (knocking)

AJAX: They told me at
the plant you were here.

- Hi, Frank. How are you?
- Hi. Fine. How are you?

Well, right on the job, huh?
Running those security checks.

- I do what I have to do, sir.
- Yeah? Well, then why aren't you

out looking for the
missing space suit

instead of bothering
these people?

Well, because my sixth sense
said this was the place to be.

Here's your space suit, sir.

I guess I'm due for a promotion.

Here's your traitor.

H-Hi, Mr. Ajax. I-I know I'm...

it probably looks like I'm
wearing a lot of evidence here,

but I am no traitor.

What else would a traitor say?

Of course she is,
and so is her old man.

He tried to tell me some
cockamamie story about Anzio.

Full of holes.

No, everything is
true except the part

where I slapped General Patton.

Klein, this traitor once
saved my life during the w*r,

and I'm sure his daughter has
a perfectly simple explanation.

- Do you?
- Well, you see, sir,

I was getting boot
happy, you know,

and then Chuck here asked
me to take my clothes off.

- I like it.
- I've heard it.

- I'll stop it.
- It's not what you think!

Aw, anyway, I put
the space suit on,

and then I was flying around,

and-and then b*ll*ts' voice

came over the speaker
and it scared me,

so we went on the bus, and
then we didn't have enough fare,

and then they put a muumuu on,

and the lamp
went to the ceiling.

There, you see? Simple.

Yes, sir, she is.

You're gonna fire
me, aren't you?

Laverne, uh... well, your
father gave me a second chance

during the w*r and... I'm
gonna do the same for you.

Aw, thanks, Mr. Ajax!
Thanks so much!

I mean, you're a swell guy.

I am so glad that my father
saved your life, and I hope

he could do it again real soon.

- Thanks a lot.
- (laughs): Think nothing of it.

Uh, get the suit and let's go.

Frank, I hope everything's...

- b*ll*ts: Zipper's stuck.
- I said, let's go.

Don't worry, Frank. We'll
have her back by morning.

- Oh, great.
- Yeah.

LAVERNE: Uh, okay, everybody,
uh, don't open my presents

and don't eat my cake, okay?

RHONDA: Okay. Bye.

(relieved sigh)

- ♪♪
- (crickets chirping)

CARMINE: Laverne,
it's 4:00 in the morning.

Couldn't we just watch
the lift-off on the news later?

- Much later.
- No.

History is being
made here, Carmine.

These are the first
DeFazio-inspected parts

- to go up into space.
- Mm.

Besides, if the
reception gets bad,

I need someone who could
climb up on the roof good.

Why can't you do it?

Oh, that's right, I
forgot. How's it doing?

Better.

Hi-ho, Burbank Control!

CARMINE: Oh, Rhonda, what
are you doing here at this hour?

I thought you said you wouldn't
give up your beauty sleep.

Well, I took a
look in the mirror

and decided I could afford to.

Good. Sit down, sit down.

Look, look. They're
going to take off now.

Look. Here's the countdown.

Ten, nine, eight,

- seven, six...
- Six.

- ALL: Five, four, three, -
ANNOUNCER: We have ignition.

Two, one...

- LAVERNE: Blastoff!
- (Rhonda yells)

CARMINE: Great! Congratulations!

(Laverne and Rhonda cheering)

Good. Great. Can I
go back to sleep now?

No, no, look, they're
gonna talk to the astronauts.

- Sit down, sit down.
- ASTRONAUT: Uh, roger, Houston.

We have a copy on the
first-stage separation.

All systems are go for
the second-stage burn,

but I do have one question.

Why is there an "L"
on my space suit?

♪ We're gonna do it ♪

♪ On your mark,
get set and go now ♪

♪ Got a dream, and
we just know now ♪

♪ We're gonna make ♪

♪ That dream come true ♪

♪ And we'll do it our way ♪

♪ Yes, our way ♪

♪ Make all our dreams ♪

♪ Come true ♪

♪ For me and you. ♪