08x15 - The Fashion Show

[bunniefuu]

♪ One, two, three, four,
five, six, seven, eight ♪

♪ Schlemiel, Schlimazel,
Hasenpfeffer Incorporated. ♪

(trumpeting)

♪ We're gonna do it! ♪

♪ Give us any
chance, we'll take it ♪

♪ Read us any
rule, we'll break it ♪

♪ We're gonna make
our dreams come true ♪

♪ Doin' it our way ♪

♪ Nothin's gonna
turn us back now ♪

♪ Straight ahead
and on the track now ♪

♪ We're gonna make
our dreams come true ♪

♪ Doin' it our way ♪

♪ There is nothing
we won't try ♪

♪ Never heard the
word "impossible" ♪

♪ This time there's
no stopping us ♪

♪ We're gonna do it ♪

♪ On your mark,
get set and go now ♪

♪ Got a dream and
we just know now ♪

♪ We're gonna make
that dream come true ♪

♪ And we'll do it our
way, yes, our way ♪

♪ Make all our
dreams come true ♪

♪ And we'll do it our way ♪

♪ Yes, our way ♪

♪ Make all our
dreams come true ♪

♪ For me and you. ♪

(panting)

Okay, where are you?

b*at you.

Oh, yeah, but you took a
bus the last seven blocks.

Yeah, but I had to run
eight blocks to catch that bus.

(panting continues)

- Okay, you b*at me.
- Okay.

- You know what you get for that?
- What?

Come here.

Mwah. Mwah.

Oh, well, I guess you
get the runners-up trophy.

Yeah?

(moaning)

Oh, oh, yeah,

I'm getting to like these
Saturday morning jogs.

Oh, yeah, really
gets your blood going.

I wish these blisters
would go away.

Yeah, you'd think
after four weeks

that my legs wouldn't
cramp, you know?

Yeah. You know,

I got to remember to duck
when I go under that tree.

- Did you see that? Whoa! Pow.
- Yeah.

Do you think we could walk
the four miles next week?

Why don't we rent a car?

No sense overdoing this.

Hey, honey?

- (whistles)
- Oh, don't do that, come on!

Come on, don't, I don't...

Come on, I'm all sweaty.

Aw, you sweat cute.

Come on, that's
what you do all day.

You take pictures
of beautiful girls

who know how to do things.

I don't know how to do things,

and-and they don't
know how to sweat.

Will you relax?

You are a natural, huh?

- Oh, yeah.
- The camera does not lie.

Yeah, well, that's
what I am afraid of.

Uh-uh. (mutters)

All right, listen.

Anybody can do what they do.

Stand back here.

- Oh, come on.
- Aw, come on, just for me?

Suck your cheeks in, like this.

That's it, good.

All right.

Tilt your head back.

That's it, back, back.

Loose and fluid.

Oh, too loose
and too fluid there.

Oh, this modeling
is a dangerous job.

All right, one more for me.

- Oh, come on, please?
- All right, come on,

one more for the Gipper.

Come on. All right, head back.

Head back. That's it.

Stiff back.

Yeah, stiff back with
a-a stiff neck, too.

- That's it, good.
- (camera clicking)

That's good. That's beautiful.

Keep it up, keep it up,
keep moving for me.

Keep moving for me.

Keep moving for me.
Keep moving for me.

All right, all right, see?

I told you. Anybody can do this.

- Yeah?
- It's a piece of cake.

Okay, then let me see you do it.

- Come on, male model time.
- No, no, no.

Come on. Get up there.

Be handsome.

(camera clicking)

Come on, sell those suits.

Sell that aftershave, huh?

Sell that underwear.

That's enough, that's enough.

I love spending these
Saturday mornings together.

Yeah. You know, after you
finish with your fashion show,

I have a few ideas how
we can spend some nights.

Eh, eh, eh.

I'm spending a lot
of time with this show.

I want to tell you something.

Getting a chance to
promote Trans-Uni Airlines

is a-a dream for
any photographer.

You know what I mean?

I mean, after all
these years of rejection

and being put down
and aggravation,

I am finally getting
to make it to the top.

And I won't have
to go back to taking

any pictures of those
little babies, you know,

on these furry
little rugs like this.

Aw.

- Yeah.
- Aw.

Cute, kitchy-kitchy-coo.

Come on, baby.

(moaning)

- Hey!
- MIKE: Hey!

- (indistinct shouting)
- Get off the floor!

What are you doing
over there?! All right!

No! Don't, don't,
don't, don't, don't!

What are you doing here?

I was in the park.

I saw this guy chasing
you, then you got on a bus.

So I chased the bus,

and I'm nearly
rear-ended by a truck.

Pop, we were just jogging.

Who is he?

Uh, he's my friend.

(quietly): He's my
special friend, Pop, okay?

Mike, I'd like you
to meet my pop.

Mike. Shake his hand.

- He's got a bird in his hand.
- Shake his hand.

Nice to meet you.

Hey, next time, do me
a favor and walk her.

- Sure. Anything.
- I'm getting

a little too old to
be chasing trucks.

- Okay.
- Okay, Pop.

Come on, I'll get
you some juice.

- (phone ringing)
- Sit there.

- Oh, would you get that?
- Yeah, sure will, honey.

Eh, eh, eh, eh.

He, uh, called you "honey."

I like him, Pop, okay?

Yeah.

(laughs)

I like that, too. That's good.

(chuckles)

Aren't you gonna
ask me if he's Italian?

I don't care no more!

(humming)

Lord,

I haven't called on
you in quite a while,

and you know it.

Now, I only have two requests.

One, make this guy like me,

and two, make
him like my chicken.

If I can only have one,
forget about the chicken.

Thank you.

Chicken. Chicken.

Chicken.

(sighs)

Okay, looks like chicken.

(humming)

Oh, no, they gave me three legs.

I'll tell him one's a neck.

(doorbell rings)

Just a second.

Come in, Mike.

Hi.

Ooh.

Hi.

♪ How was your day?
How was your day? ♪

♪ How're you doing?
How are you? ♪

I had such a great day.

This show is gonna be terrific.

Oh, great.

Wine for my woman.

Gonna try to get me
drunk and take advantage?

Would I do that?

You'd better.

Oh, Mike,

it's got a cork and everything.

Aw, you shouldn't have.

But you're gonna have to
help me open this one though,

because if you'd bought
me a bottle of beer or a Pepsi,

I can open it with my teeth,

but I always have
trouble with these things.

You open bottles
with your teeth?

Yeah.

Next time I go camping,

I'll just take you instead
of my Swiss Army Kn*fe.

Ah, ah, ah, look at this.

The trick is to
do it very slowly.

Yeah.

This could take a long time.

(chuckles)

I know.

We may even miss dinner.

(laughs)

(doorbell rings)

Go away!

(doorbell ringing repeatedly)

All right, come in.

Michael, darling,

I found you.

Monique, darling,

what are you doing here?

Yeah, what are you
doing here, darling?

Mwah, mwah, mwah.

Well, come on, pudding,

what is it?

- That horrible makeup man, Fritz...
- Mm-hmm?

Says I have to wear
the blue eye shadow

instead of that
marvelous purple I adore.

So I came over to tell you I
simply cannot be in your show.

Oh, now come on,
pudding. Do it for me.

I will talk to that
mean old Fritz

and make sure you can wear
whatever eye shadow you want.

- Hmm?
- (cork pops)

Isn't he just the
crème de la crème?

Yeah, he's crèmey all right.

Okay, à bientôt,

à toute l'heure,
au revoir, pudding.

(sighs)

Let's eat.

Why don't you eat?

I seem to have lost
my dreadful appetite.

Or maybe you would like
to have some... pudding.

Oh, come on, honey.

You're not upset
about her, are you?

No, why should I
be upset about her?

Just 'cause a gorgeous
girl walks in here,

and you kiss her,

and she's got legs
that start on the floor

and go all the way
up to her neck?

I can tell what's under there.

Those who got it cover it.

Honey, that is part of my job.

It doesn't mean a thing.

Oh, it doesn't, huh?

No, of course it doesn't.

Listen, models are very
sensitive and insecure people.

You got to treat
them like little babies.

Don't you know that?
You think I like doing that?

No, I don't.

I just want the
show to go over well.

You want me to do well
in the show, don't you?

Hmm?

Sure you do.

Oh, yeah.

Of course I want you
to do well in the show.

Good.

I just can't wait to see it.

Uh, honey,

you don't want to
see the show, do you?

- Oh, yeah, I do.
- No, you don't.

- Of course I do.
- No, the tickets are all sold out.

- You'd have to sit on the floor.
- So what?

- Hey, I'm used to that.
- No, you'd be bored...

- You'd be bored stiff.
- No, I won't.

I won't be able to spend
any time with you, and listen,

I am not gonna want to
take pictures of Monique

while you are around
and that little face.

Hmm?

(moans)

Have you ever thought

of selling swampland
in New Jersey?

Huh?

- Don't.
- I mean it.

- (phone ringing)
- Ah, I'll get that.

You get the chicken, okay?

Okay, Lord, it's your turn.

MIKE: Hello?

Yeah, this is he.

She what?

You're kidding.

No. All right, I'll
be right down.

Okay, yeah, bye.

Honey, I got bad news.

The chicken's dead.

I know; I k*lled it.

No, I got another
emergency down at the show.

Problems with another model.

I'm sorry, okay?

See you later. All right.

Listen, I'll tell you what.

I'll call you tomorrow,
I promise, okay?

Love you. (exhales)

- (door closes)
- Love you.

(blows raspberries)

I want to see Mike Bailey.

Yeah, so does every girl
who wants to be a model.

You got to wait outside.

Hi. I'm Miss New York,

city of the Big Apple.

Miss Rio de Janeiro,

City of the Carnivals.

Miss Philadelphia
and Miss Venice,

Cities of Love, Brotherly,
and the other kind.

I'm sure she's great
at the other kind.

Miss Milwaukee,
City of Big Beer Mugs.

Michael, darling.

Oh, Monique.

Pudding, don't
you look ravishing.

Mwah, mwah, mwah.

Listen, sweetheart, I've
got to go back onstage

and check lights. Be wonderful,

be happy, be you.

MONIQUE: I can't.

MIKE: Why? What's the matter?

This white boa

- does absolutely nothing for me.
- (sighs)

What does this yellow boa do

- for you, hmm?
- Mm-hmm.

Whatever turns
you on, turns me on.

- Oh.
- I love the yellow boa.

Now, you just go out
there and do well for me.

(chuckles) Don't I
always do well for you?

Nobody does it better.

Mwah.

(chuckles)

Uh, Mr. Dressner, sir.

I don't want you to
worry about a thing.

Tonight we are gonna put
Trans-Uni Airlines on the map.

We're already all
over the map, Bailey.

It's just that our
airplanes are empty.

Now, this fashion show
was supposed to make

the cities look
good that we fly to.

Don't you worry
about a thing, sir.

The show's gonna be great.

It better be.

I don't want to
sweat in my silk shirt.

- Uh...
- (women screaming)

WOMAN: You get out of here!

Get out of here!

They love it.

Looking for something?

Yes.

Do we know each other?

Uh, Miss Milwaukee,
City of Big Mugs.

Uh, guess not.

Have you seen my yellow boa?

My dear, dear Michael
promised me I could wear it.

Did your Michael do that?

Yes.

Well...

your Michael is such a cad.

He had three yellow boas and
he gave them to three other girls.

Oh, he didn't.

He did.

He didn't.

He did.

Well, let all those

other girls be...

Venice!

And Philadelphia!

And whatever other
cities Trans-Uni flies to!

Nighty-night, pudding.

Hey, would you like...

being Philadelphia?

Huh?

So let's all fly
around the country

and around the world
with Trans-Uni Airways.

MAN: All right, yeah!

I love New York in June.

How about you?

(camera clicking)

And you travel agents will
love New York all year around

when Trans-Uni invites
your customers to fly there

for less than $300.

(applause)

Thank you, Julie.

Everybody loves a carnival.

But no one loves to
party more than Brazilians

when it's Mardi...

Gras time in Rio.

And Trans-Uni will
fly your customers

south o' the border
for hundreds o' pesos

less than our competitors.

Looks so good, Lacey.

(applause)

Do I hear the sound
of freedom ringing?

Why, yes, I do.

We're in Philadelphia!

Don't tread on me.

Fly on me, the Trans-Uni way.

(bell ringing)

(camera clicking)

Monique, honey?

Turn this way. I
don't see any face.

With Trans-Uni's
declaration of low prices.

Laverne!

What are you doing out here?

The man said be Philadelphia.

What's the matter?
You miss Monique?

Honey, you are not a model.

Yeah, well, I am not
your honey either!

- (bell ringing)
- Hey, watch it!

- Hey, oh!
- Ow, oh! This clanger's k*lling me.

Let's-let's go backstage, okay?

We do love low prices, you know?

And fr-freedom, don't we?

Folks, why don't we just
get on to the next city.

What do you say?

(muttering)

The next girl.

Paris!

Paris, that's...

Paris, that's in France now.

And, uh...

Paris!

- Oh...
- Aren't you going to take my picture?

Honey, I'm busy. Take your own.

Just push that button, okay?

Paris, Paris, Paris!

Pretty postcards.

Fabulous wine.

What were you doing out there?

- Oh! Aah!
- Huh?

Monica quit.

- She quit? Why?
- Yeah.

I don't know why.

She was devastated by something.

And-and Dressner said
be Philly, so I was Philly.

But, honey, you are
not a professional model.

Yeah, but in my apartment
you said I could model.

Aw, geez, that was
for fun, this is for real!

- (bell rings)
- (Laverne moans)

Bailey, Bailey, Bailey!

- What's going on out there?!
- Yes, sir?

The show's falling apart.

Where's the next model?

Well, she's, uh, gone.

Gone? Oh, that's just great.

Miss Paris is still out there
taking pictures of herself.

I'm starting to sweat!

Oh, excuse me.

Now-now you go out
there and do a good show

or we'll do what Trans-Uni
does to its luggage.

You'll be lost without a trace!

And we won't care!

Oh, he didn't mean that.

No, I think he does.

Lord...

since we didn't eat the chicken,

could I ask you one more favor?

Thanks.

(slurring): And it
drizzles in October...

Honey, come on. I'll
take that now, dear.

- Come on.
- Oh, Mikey, I'm so beautiful.

Yeah.

Ooh, I love to take my picture!

- Okay, uh, I got it.
- But, you know, uh...

it could drizzle
literally at any time,

but basically it
drizzles... in October.

Now, that's the month...

Uh, ladies and gentlemen,
I sure hate to, uh, interrupt

our charming speaker here,
but, uh, I'm afraid the show's over.

You see, due to some
unforeseen circumstances,

we're going to have to go to...

to... we're going
to go to Venice!

- Ooh, I love Venice!
- (applause)

Now what are you doing out here?

I'm bailing you out,
but don't ask me why.

All right.

Just listen to... Ow!

Just listen to her, she'll
tell you what to do, okay?

Yes, why don't we
paddle up a lazy canal

in beautiful Venice on
our lovers excursions.

You'll love cruising
under the Bridge of Sighs.

(sighs): Aw.

Turn this way, turn
this way, turn this way.

You adventurous
travelers can swim

and dive for sponges...

in the clear blue
water of the Adriatic.

Bailey, what are you doing?!
They're laughing at my airline!

- Mr. Dressner, I'm sorry!
- Mr. Dressner, I'm sorry!

Ow, ow!

Venice.

The city where no
one goes to sleep

until they have to.

Boy, am I mad!

Boy, oh, boy am I mad.

I hate him, I hate him.

I hate everybody.

Especially those kids on the
bus who called me Gondola Head.

Laverne, I got to talk to you.

I got some great news.

Yeah, well I got
news for you, buddy.

I have had it up to here

with you pretending
like you like me,

and then going around
kissing every girl you see,

so that every time you
kiss me I can tell you

what they had for lunch!

I told you, those
kisses mean nothing.

Those are business kisses.

Yeah, well, it looked
like you meant business.

Oh, honey, listen
to me, come on.

Now, there is no comparison
between you and them.

Uh-uh, sure,
they're-they're glamorous

and they're gorgeous.

They got great bodies.

They lead exciting lives.

But they're not you.

Well, is that supposed
to make me feel better?

You still don't understand.

Look, being with them is my job.

That is how I earn my living.

But let me tell you
something else.

At the end of the day,
I am up to here with

"Michael, I won't do this"
and "Michael, I can't do that."

And fake eyelashes,
fake fingernails, fake...

- I know, I was in the locker room.
- Yeah.

But there's one
thing you don't know.

There's nothing false about you.

You're the real thing.

Can't you understand that?

I love you.

- Well, then if you do, do you, huh?
- Uh-huh.

Well, then how come
you didn't want me

to go see your show, huh?

How come you didn't
want me to see you

- with those other girls, huh?
- Because...

Because that is my job.

And I knew if you
showed up at the show,

you would get jealous.

- Oh, come on, Michael.
- Uh-huh.

Don't give me that.

I am not a kind
of jealous person.

I do not get jealous, I don't.

I-I don't.

I'm not jealous.

There's not a jealous bone in...

Was I a jerk?

A big jerk?

Medium jerk, yeah.

But I still love you anyway.

- Aw.
- Come here, you.

Oh, Michael.

Yeah, and I don't know anybody

who looks so good
wearing a gondola hat.

- Would you put that on for me?
- No, no!

- Aw, please?
- Oh, gee, Michael, I'm sorry.

- Come on.
- Please, no.

I'm sorry I ruined your show.

Hey, no, you didn't.

That's what I came
over to tell you.

Look, those travel
agents thought

that you knocked Dressner
out as a part of the show.

They loved it.

You mean you did good?

No.

We did good.

You mean it?

- I sure do.
- Oh, Michael!

Oh, I'm so...

All right, now will
you put the hat on?

I just need some
pictures for my portfolio.

Just a couple, okay?

- Okay, okay.
- Okay.

All right, now remember
what I told you.

- You got to be loose, all right?
- Okay.

- Well, if you want me real loose...
- Yeah?

Why don't I get the wine.

- Okay?
- Okay, yeah.

Oh, oh, oh!

Oh.

Oh, not now, Michael.

Oh.

(blowing)

Okay, yeah, but...

Ah, what am I doing?

I know what I'll do.

I'll put it up like this. There!

(laughs)

Look at that
there, that's great.

At least they don't pop.

Very nice.

Hey, Pop, what's
the celebration?

Someone leave a tip?

Nah, what you're seeing
is big business in action!

Oh, no, Pop, what I'm seeing
is a bunch of limp balloons.

You really ought to read
the instructions on these.

Makes no difference.

I got a gimmick.

Oh, no, Pop, not
another gimmick.

Not like when you advertised
for the Super Bowl party?

Yeah, what's the big deal?
We packed the place, didn't we?

Yeah.

Until they, uh, found
out you didn't have no TV.

Oh, that makes no difference.

This time I got a contest.

What contest?

I'm gonna give away
the biggest prize

to the millionth customer
that comes through that door.

Here, read.

- "Go from rags to riches.
- Right.

"Be the one millionth
customer at Cowboy Bill's

and receive $1 million
and a free burger"?!

That's right.

Pop, what are you, crazy?

This is ridiculous! Burn these!

Nobody can afford
a contest like this.

I can.

I got it right here.

I checked the records, and
we only had 5,000 customers

- come through that door.
- Yeah?

I figured out, by the time
the millionth customer

comes through that
door, I'll be dead,

and you'll have
all the headache.

♪ We're gonna do it ♪

♪ On your mark,
get set and go now ♪

♪ Got a dream, and
we just know now ♪

♪ We're gonna make ♪

♪ That dream come true ♪

♪ And we'll do it our way ♪

♪ Yes, our way ♪

♪ Make all our dreams ♪

♪ Come true ♪

♪ For me and you. ♪