06x21 - Marion: Fairy Godmother

[bunniefuu]

♪ Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪

♪ Tuesday, Wednesday,
happy days ♪

♪ Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪

♪ The weekend
comes, my cycle hums ♪

♪ Ready to race to you ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- ♪ Happy and free ♪
- ♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- ♪ Share them with me ♪
- ♪ Oh, baby ♪

♪ Good-bye, gray
sky, hello, blue ♪

♪ There's nothing can
hold me when I hold you ♪

♪ It feels so right
it can't be wrong ♪

♪ Rocking and
rolling all week long ♪

♪ Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪

♪ Tuesday, Wednesday,
happy days ♪

♪ Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪

♪ Saturday, what a day ♪

♪ Groovin' all week with you ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- ♪ Share them with me ♪
- ♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- ♪ Happy and free ♪
- ♪ Oh, baby ♪

♪ These happy days
are yours and mine ♪

♪ These happy days are yours ♪

♪ And mine, Happy Days! ♪

♪ Hey, ey, hey, little girl ♪

♪ Little girl ♪

♪ Hey, little girl,
can I come along ♪

♪ Carry your books
and I'll hold your arm ♪

♪ Hoping that
you'll tell me yes ♪

♪ Because you're the
girl that I love best ♪

♪ Hey, ey, hey ♪

♪ Little girl ♪

♪ Hey, little girl in the
high school sweater ♪

♪ Gee, I hope that
you're feeling better ♪

♪ Not just like
the time before ♪

♪ Remember when
you closed that door ♪

♪ Hey, ey, hey, little girl ♪

♪ Little girl. ♪

Okay, everybody,

thank you very much
for coming down tonight.

It was wonderful,
wonderful, wonderful.

Now everybody out.

Al, what's the big rush?

Well, I got a date tonight.

Oh, hey, everybody,
Al's got a date!

Let's go, everybody.

Use both exits.

Everybody out.

Oh, Inspiration Point?

You got it.

- Hey, Rich?
- Hm?

Can I borrow your car?

I've given it a lot
of thought, and no.

Well, we walk again.

Chachi, two girls?

Yeah, two to one.

I love the odds.

Well, see you tomorrow, guys.

Yeah, right, Leather.

- Hey, Rich?
- Huh?

Do me a favor and lock
up for me, will you please?

- Sure, Al.
- You know Evelyn, my date?

- Yeah?
- She's a schoolteacher,

and she wouldn't
like it if I was tardy.

Tardy. Oh, Al?

- Al...
- Yep?

Ought to bring her an apple.

- I got it in the car.
- Oh, great.

Have a good time.

Joanie, lock up for me, okay?

Uh, no thanks, big brother.

Smitty's going to
show me the Big Dipper

through his telescope.

Tell the folks I'll be
home a little later.

- See you.
- Bye.

Joanie, Mom and Dad
are never going to buy

that Big Dipper bit.

They bought it when
we used it, Sizzle Lips.

That's true.

Of course, I
carried a telescope.

Let's go.

Ralph, sure you don't want

to join us for some
Chinese food?

Oh, no thanks, I got
a hot date tonight.

She doesn't like Chinese food.

When she was a baby she was
frightened by an egg foo yung.

Do you know how to
make an egg foo yung?

- How?
- Take a young egg and foo it.

No date, huh?

No.

Well, then you lock up.

- Take it easy.
- Right. -See you.

- Potsie?
- Yeah?

Are you ready for a
little moo goo gai pan?

You bet,

but let's eat first.

Well, here we are again,

all alone,

just the two of us.

Oh!

You're kind of
jumpy tonight, Malph.

Fonz, what are you doing here?

Everybody's got to be someplace.

Good one!

Yeah, I know, I know.

Where is everybody?

Oh, um, Al had a date,

and everyone else went
to a Chinese restaurant.

I would have gone too, Fonz,

but my date doesn't
like Chinese food.

When she was a baby...

No date, huh, Malph?

No, Fonz.

Okay, what's the
matter, Ralphie?

Nothing's the matter, Fonz.

Spill it.

All right, Fonz.

It's-it's about the
girls I've been dating.

You see, they-they only
go out with me for one thing.

I know the feeling.

It's not that, Fonz.

I wish it was that.

Girls only go out
with me for laughs.

There's another side
to me, Fonz, you know?

And I'm just tired of being
the funniest guy in town.

And the expense...

Do you know what
it costs these days

for a good dribble glass?

I don't know, I'd just,

just kind of like it if someone
would take me seriously.

Hey, listen, I totally
understand, you know?

Now if that's what you want,

you've got to get rid of these.

You've got to throw them away.

Oh, Fonz!

I've got to...

I've got to taper off, you know.

I can't just quit cold turkey.

Cold turkey.

- Yeah?
- That's right.

Oh, hi, Ralph.

Oh, hey, Leather.

How's it going?

All right.

You all by your lonesome?

Yeah.

All by my lonesome.

Speaking of lonesome,

I heard about a
guy who's so lone...

No jokes, Ralph, no jokes.

Yeah, I'm all alone
tonight, Leather.

Yep, all alone, all alone,
alone, alone, alone.

How about you?

No date tonight?

Nah.

By the time I finish singing,

everybody's already paired off,

and I get stuck with
my, uh, partner here.

Yeah, I just ditched my partner.

You know, Ralph,

something's been
bugging me lately.

Well, for some reason,

guys seem to shy away from me.

Maybe I scare them.

Oh, yeah?

I guess I might be scared
of you if I didn't know you.

I mean, you're on your own,

you're more mature,

you wear a lot of leather.

Yeah, I guess that's true,

but it sure makes
for lonely evenings.

Yeah.

Hey, look at this,

we're having a
serious discussion here.

Oh, I'm sorry.

No, no, I like that.

Say, Leather, uh,

you know next week is,
uh, having the m*llitary Ball

at the college, you know,

and I was thinking
maybe you'd...

Would you like to,
um, be my date?

Well, it's going to be
really, really great, Leather.

I mean, it's this big
special formal dance.

They have it every year.

It sounds like fun.

I'd love to go.

Great! Then it's a date.

It's a date!

All right.

W-E-E-N-I-E.

Weenie!

That's nine points, Marion,

and I hope I don't
see any more E's.

Oh, that's very good, Howard.

Yeah.

Uh, jonquil.

Now let's see, let's see,

now that's double
letter score for the Q,

uh, so that makes 33 times
three for triple letter score...

and 50 for using
all seven letters,

and my L makes
lover out of over,

so that's a 157 points.

That's the second best
play I've had tonight.

This is really fun, Howard.

Game is over, Marion.

I don't want to play anymore.

Oh, look at,

you've got
X-I-P-H-0-I-D, xiphoid.

Oh, you would have
had so many scores.

Really?

- Too bad, game's over.
- Wait!

Well, you go and
watch Jack Parr.

I'll get it.

- Oh, hi, Leather.
- Hi.

- Come on in.
- Oh, Leather.

I saw the lights on.

I hope I'm not
interrupting anything.

Bang, bang.

No, no.

Howard was just going
to turn on Jack Parr.

He loves to watch Parr cry.

Mrs. C., uh,

I-I need to talk to you
about a couple of things.

Oh, good, I love to talk.

Okay, you two talk.

I'll be down after the show.

He can watch Parr
cry on the upstairs set.

Now, what do you
want to talk about?

Well, Mrs. C., I want
to become a woman.

I've been invited to
this college dance,

and I don't even know what
kind of dress I should wear.

Does it have to be leather?

No.

It's a fancy dance,
a m*llitary Ball,

and I have a date
with Ralph Malph.

Better get something
wash and dry.

I don't even know
if I should go.

I won't know how to act.

What nonsense.

You can do it.

You stay in our guest
room for one week.

I'll teach you;
you'll just be fine.

Now first,

sitting.

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

Well Marion, I've
got to hand it to you.

You really worked
hard this week,

and you did a terrific
job with Leather.

Oh, come on, dear, everybody
is so busy with the dance.

It's just going to
be you and me.

Well, that's perfect.

We'll have a nice,
quiet meal together.

Dig in.

It's all right, sweetheart,
I'll peel back the foil.

Mom, Mom, come quick.

Leather broke her heel.

- Come on, hurry.
- Oh, dear.

I told her to walk on her toes!

Well, I guess I'll have

a nice quiet meal all by myself.

Oh, Howard, you poor dear.

Just for that,

why don't you start off

with a nice piece of cake?

Why thank you, Marion.

Emblems, gold, I,
uh, lost, can't find,

you know, little eagles, claws.

Yeah, I know what
eagles look like, Richard.

I can't... I need
them, uh, regulations.

Maybe they're in the car.

No, no, wait!

Maybe they're in the car.

Dad,

Dad, quick, hammer.

Kitchen drawer.

Right.

I found one.

Back seat.

Lori Beth.

I'll just put this one

where it's supposed to and then

I'll-I'll put my chin
over the other place.

- No one will notice.
- Richard, I found your button!

Oh, great. Great.

I got it.

- Good evening, Richard.
- Oh.

For me?

Always clowning.

I can't stand around.

Mom found my
other little button.

Is Leather ready?

Uh, uh, most of her.

Good evening, Mr. Cunningham.

At ease, Malph.

Yes, thank you, sir.

Well, got to hurry up.

Pick up Lori Beth.

See you at the dance, Fly Boy.

Fly Boy.

Hey, aren't you going to
even call me Dog Face?

No.

You're such a card.

Well, see you.

Now enjoy your dinner, dear.

Forgot corsage!

Ah, found corsage.

Pretty.

Da-da-da-da-da-da!

Gentlemen, presenting
Miss Leather Tuscadero!

Leather,

you look beautiful.

Will the owner of a
gray aircraft carrier,

license number, V-E-V-J,

please report to the bandstand.

You've been torpedoed.

But seriously, servicemen,

the Society of R.O.T.C.
Scabbard and Blade

is, uh, pleased to announce
for your entertainment

Midshipman Potsie Weber
and Miss Jennifer Jerome.

You were great, Rich.

I think I bombed.

♪ When I wake in the morning ♪

♪ And when I'm
sleeping in the evening ♪

♪ All my thoughts
are about you ♪

♪ And all the things
you bring to me ♪

♪ Life has finally gone my way ♪

♪ I prayed that we would meet ♪

♪ Love you more
and more each day ♪

♪ I find myself complete ♪

♪ Every hour, every day ♪

♪ You feel my love inside ♪

♪ We stand together honestly ♪

♪ 'Cause through it all ♪

♪ Through it all ♪

♪ Through it all... ♪

♪ Love survives ♪

♪ Every hour, every day ♪

♪ You feel my love inside ♪

♪ We stand together honestly ♪

♪ 'Cause through it all ♪

♪ Through it all ♪

♪ Through it all... ♪

♪ Love survives. ♪

Thank you, Midshipman
Weber and Miss Jerome

for that lovely
musical interlude.

Hey, guys, there's Malph.

Oh, doesn't Leather
look wonderful!

- Yeah, come on.
- Yeah, come on.

- Leather, you look gorgeous!
- You look fantastic!

- Fantastic.
- Oh, beautiful.

Hey, Malph, Malph,
bring the marshmallows?

You see, last year Ralph
stuck marshmallows

on everybody's sword.

- It was good. Remember?
- Oh, yeah.

I tell you, at a formal
affair, this man has got it.

- He really does, I tell you...
- Sure does.

Gentlemen,

I've outgrown
that sort of thing.

Yes.

Look at the orchid
Ralph gave me.

Does it squirt?

Punch, Leather?

Thank you, Ralph.

"Does it squirt?"

Isn't Ralph acting
a little funny?

- Funny is what he isn't acting.
- Yeah.

Punch?

Ralph! That's a
great one, Malph!

A fly in an ice cube.

See that?

Ralph would do that.

I wish I'd thought...

That's not funny.

Ralph, you didn't
put that in there?

Of course not.

What time is it?

Oh, I don't know. Why?

Well, we've got to get
out of here by midnight.

Yeah, but we don't
have to be in till 1:00.

Yowza, yowza, yowza.

You bet.

I hear where
Cuba is breaking off

all diplomatic
ties with the U.S.

Who wants to go
to Europe, anyway?

Thank you, Dewey
and the Studebakers.

Now, on to the highlight
of the entire evening.

If the honor guard will
take their positions now,

we can begin our annual
Scabbard and Blade procession.

And don't forget,
guys, comb your hair,

because they're taking
pictures for the year book.

Okay.

You ready, Lori Beth, ready?

All set, Sizzle Lips.

Ralph, wait till you see what
these two are going to do.

When they walk through the line,

they're going to
tickle the guards!

- Yeah! All right.
- Let's go.

How juvenile.

And unladylike.

Ready?

Atten-hut!

No, no, not me! Not me!

You be careful!

That's great.

Well, that was fun.

I never walked
under swords before.

Yeah, I could have d*ed

when Rich and Lori
Beth tickled the guards.

Oh, wasn't that great, Malph?

Yes, it could be
construed as funny.

The old Ralph Malph
might have thought so.

But the new me has
changed quite considerably.

I like the new you, Ralph,

- quite considerably.
- Yeah.

If that's the way you want
to be, that's fine with us.

Yeah. Even if it does
take a little getting used to.

Does the new Ralph get hungry

like the old Ralph used to?

We're all human, my dear.

Food is life, and life is food.

Hey, listen, I've got an idea.

This is the last dance
anyway, so let's, uh,

have some shishkebob!

Hey, good idea, yeah.

We're going to have
to pass on that, Richard.

Leather and I were
planning on a quiet supper.

- Well, have a good time.
- Okay, take it easy.

- Enjoy your shishkebob.
- Good-bye.

Okay, good night.

Hey, Rich, Rich!

Oh, you're so funny.

Did you see where
Cuba is breaking off

all diplomatic
ties with the U.S.?

Well, maybe tomorrow night

you can teach me
another new game, dear.

I mean, learning is such fun.

Marion, would you just keep
your mind on the game, please?

Come on, it's your move.

Gin.

You know, Howard,
that was so nice of you

to discard all those queens.

I don't want to play
anymore, Marion.

I'm going to bed.

You gave me four
queens in a row.

Don't start, Marion.

Thanks for everything, Ralph.

It was fun. I really
had a good time.

Yes, so did I.

And you want to know
what the best part was?

Nobody expected me
to clown around for once.

And I really
enjoyed dressing up.

You know something, Leather?

You look great in a formal.

I mean, you really fit right in.

Well, how about you? You
didn't cr*ck one joke all night.

I know.

And the thing is that people
accepted me that way.

I mean, everyone still liked me.

I was so boring!

I hated myself tonight!

I wasn't any fun.

Not one laugh.

Well, what about me?

Not one...

I was only pretending, too.

And you know what?

I've had a nail stuck
in my heel all evening.

Look.

Are you kidding me?

That's great.

You know something, Leather?

You may have a
nail in your heel,

but you've got a lot of sole.

I've still got it,
I've still got it!

Yes, even in retirement,

I've still got it.

Boy, I've got to tell you,

I'm glad we told
each other the truth.

Yeah, me too, and you know what?

The next time we go
out, we can be ourselves.

You know it.

But will we ever
find an honor guard

with their arms up again...

We can try, Ralph.

All right, all right.

Listen, I got to go.

You know, I feel really naked.

I'm going to go home
and get my rubber nose.

Ralph,

you forgot something.

Oh.

Of course.

Thanks.

You know, both Ralph
Malphs are sweet.

So are both Leather Tuscaderos.

- Good night.
- Good night.

Wait till I kiss you
with my rubber nose on.

Oh, Joanie.

- Hi, Mom and Dad.
- Hi, sweetheart.

Did you have a nice evening?

No.

It's happened the
third night in a row.

I'm going to break
off with Smitty.

Oh, dear, and he seemed
like such a nice boy.

What happened, sweetheart?

Well, we were going
to Inspiration Point

to look at the Big Dipper
through his telescope.

- Yeah?
- And you know what happened?

- What?
- We looked at the Big Dipper.

If you've seen one Milky
Way, you've seen them all!

Howard, she's turning out

just like your
side of the family.

We'll have to
have a talk with her.

Oh, I wouldn't worry
about that, sweetheart.

Not as long as Smitty
carries that telescope.

Marion, it's your move.

Oh, I just love marbles, Howard.

It's Chinese Checkers, Marion.

Well...

whatever it is,

I've got all my marbles
in your little triangle.

I know that.

What are you going to
teach me tomorrow night?

Solitaire, Marion.

♪ Good-bye, gray
sky, hello, blue ♪

♪ There's nothing can
hold me when I hold you ♪

♪ It feels so right,
it can't be wrong ♪

♪ Rockin' and
rollin' all week long ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- ♪ Happy and free ♪
- ♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- ♪ Share them with me ♪
- ♪ Oh, baby ♪

♪ These happy days
are yours and mine ♪

♪ These happy days are
yours and mine, Happy Days! ♪