06x26 - Chachi's Incredo Wax

[bunniefuu]

♪ Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪

♪ Tuesday, Wednesday,
happy days ♪

♪ Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪

♪ The weekend
comes, my cycle hums ♪

♪ Ready to race to you ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- ♪ Happy and free ♪
- ♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- ♪ Share them with me ♪
- ♪ Oh, baby ♪

♪ Good-bye, gray
sky, hello, blue ♪

♪ There's nothing can
hold me when I hold you ♪

♪ It feels so right
it can't be wrong ♪

♪ Rocking and
rolling all week long ♪

♪ Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪

♪ Tuesday, Wednesday,
happy days ♪

♪ Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪

♪ Saturday, what a day ♪

♪ Groovin' all week with you ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- ♪ Share them with me ♪
- ♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- ♪ Happy and free ♪
- ♪ Oh, baby ♪

♪ These happy days
are yours and mine ♪

♪ These happy days are yours ♪

♪ And mine, Happy Days! ♪

Happy Days is filmed
before a studio audience.

Bronko's garage.
Fonzie's not here.

But Chachi's here.

Your dime, sh**t.

Oh, hi, Judy.

Thanks for calling me back.

Hey, listen, I can't afford
to take you to the movies.

But, uh... how
about if I come over?

Hello?

Hello?

Ah, women.

You get a little
short on the bucks,

and they turn on you.

- Hey, Chachi.
- Hey, Rich.

Hey, listen, uh...

you seen Fonzie
around? I got a problem.

Well, he's still out to
lunch. Why? What's up?

Aw, Ralph went away
on his family reunion.

I got to find a piano player.

Hey, I'll do it for five bucks.

- I didn't know you played.
- I don't.

But I figured I'd use
two bucks for a date

and the other three
for piano lessons.

Pass. No, I'll pass.

Hey, Fonz.

Hey, this is Leilani.

She works at the Pineapple Hut.

She just told you what
the special was for today.

Oh, great.

I'll have one to go.

Uh, so, she doesn't talk?

She don't have to.

Saturday night,
Pineapple Hut, 8:00.

All right, all right, all right!
- 30.

- Oh, Fonz, listen.
- Yeah.

Do you know a piano player?

I got to find a piano player.

Well, I-I know a piano teacher.

Oh, yeah? Do you, do
you think she could play

with our band Saturday night?

No, Saturday night

she's giving me a lesson

in my key.

Well, I don't know.
I'd better get going.

I got this sudden
urge for pineapple.

Bye, Richie.

- Uh, Fonz?
- Yeah?

Could I talk to
you for a minute?

Oh, yeah, sure. My
ears are all yours.

Conversate with me.

Okay, uh, I was
talking to, um...

- Fonz...?
- Speak up, speak up!

All right.

Fonz, can I talk to
you for a minute?!

I-I'm sorry. It's important.

It's important? You got
to tell me these things.

- It's about Judy.
- Yeah, what about her?

She wants to go to the movies.

- Oh, that's good.
- But I don't have any money.

- Oh, that's bad.
- I want a raise.

- That's out.
- Oh...

Fonz, you know how
expensive it is to take

somebody to the
movies these days?

Yeah, my dates
keep telling me that.

Aw, come on, what's a
few more bucks a week?

You know, I'll tell
you something.

You don't get no raise, huh?

Where's your get-up-and-go?

This is America.

Land of opportunities.

"Opportunities"?

What you mean is
another part-time job.

You know what Grandma
Nussbaum always used to say?

"A penny earned

is a sailor's delight."

I never did understand
Grandma Nussbaum.

♪ Tonight's the night ♪

♪ I came here to
rock and roll... ♪

Well, we got to play
tonight, so let's just try

- to think of a piano player.
- Yeah.

Liberace. Ha-ha!

- I still got it.
- Pots?

Hey, Ralph's gone. I
thought I'd do the jokes.

Oh.

You all right, Al?

Oh, I'm fine. I always
warm up like this

before I do my piano exercises.

- Well, there must be somebody.
- Yeah.

Hey, you know, I
can play the piano

but-but you'd need
another guitar player.

- That's a good point.
- Yeah.

Oh, Al, do you mind?

We're trying to
concentrate here.

Could you practice the
piano on another table?

Bink.

Hey, wait a minute.
Al could play the piano.

Oh, I don't know.
I get so busy here.

- Yeah, Al's right.
- Yeah, he'll get busy.

I'll do it!

Okay, everybody, gather round.

Come on, clear the table, folks.

Oh, hey, Chach.

Let me introduce you

to the most amazing miracle
product you'll ever see.

Ladies and gentlemen,
this is Incredo-Wax.

Oh, I'm sorry, Chach,
but I got all the wax I need.

Hold it, Al.

Let your eyes be the judge.

I'll give you a free
demonstration.

- All right, uh, let's see it.
- Yeah.

And, folks, you're not going
to believe what you see next,

even when you're seeing it.

Wow.

Holy Moly.

Don't hurt your eyes
from the glare, folks.

Hey, man, you could
eat off this table.

Yeah, hey, Chach, let
me have one of those.

Terrific.

Hey, Chachi, count me in.

I think Mom would like
one of those, don't you?

Yeah. Hey, will
it work on shoes?

Certainly it works on shoes.

Step right up, folks.

Hurry, hurry, hurry.

Marion?

Marion? Marion!

- Mar... oh!
- Oh!

Do you have to pop
up at people like that?

I'm sorry, dear.

I was just looking
for my cookie sheet.

Uh, is Joanie feeling better?

Well, her temperature's down
and her complaints are up,

so I guess she's better.

Oh, good.

Marion.

You see, having the
Andersons over for bridge

makes you so nervous, Howard.

I am not nervous.

Don't try that again, Marion.

Whatever you say, dear.

To the untrained eye, I
may seem to be nervous,

but I'm really all
psyched up, Marion.

I've got my brain on "go."

And I feel mentally alert

and that's going to give
me that competitive edge.

I'll tell you something, Marion.

I feel like I have
the k*ller instinct.

Marion, where are you?

Mari...

What are you trying to do to me?

- Hi, Mom.
- Oh, Richard,

- Lori Beth. -HOWARD: Oh, hi.
- Hi.

- We, uh waxed your card table.
- Oh.

We used Chachi's wax.

- It's really good stuff.
- Terrific.

Uh.

Oh, you do that well, Dad.

No, no, I saw a guy on
b*at the Clock the other day

and he couldn't
open a card table.

Of course, he was wearing
boxing gloves and a blindfold.

Howard, do you want a blindfold?

No, I'd rather have the
boxing gloves, Marion.

Wait a minute, is
this our old card table?

Yep, we polished
the chairs, too.

Well, it's just beautiful.

It looks just like real Formica.

- I'll get the cards.
- Okay.

Uh, well, we're going to
go to Arnold's now, Dad.

- No, no, no, no, just a minute, you two.
- What?

Marion and I have to
practice our bridge signals,

and I need you two to
pretend to be the Andersons.

Sit, sit.

Gonna practice your
cheating, huh, Dad?

I do not cheat, Richard.

The Andersons cheat, and
you have to fight fire with fire.

Now, you'll be Mr. Anderson
and you'll be Mrs. Anderson.

Oh, my, my, my.

Oh, your house looks
so lovely, darling,

and I just love those drapes.

Well, thank you, Margaret,
but I've just had them for ages.

Marion.

Eh, uh,

We're really going to
skin you tonight, Howie.

That's enough, Richard.

Oh, I think it's cute, Howard.

They sound just
like the Andersons.

Howie, how's that son
of yours doing, huh?

Fine young boy.

Smart-alecky as ever.

Now, Marion, look at me.

When you see me put
my hand over my heart,

what does that mean?

They're playing the
National Anthem.

Oh, good one, Marion. Good one.

Oh, yeah, well, they
always were a funny couple.

I could tell you
one time Howie...

You're pushing it, Richard.

Marion, when I put
my hand over my heart,

that means I have spades.

Why doesn't it mean hearts?

Because that's too obvious.

You have to be clever.

Howie, why don't you
try being really clever

and learn to play bridge?

Oh, my, good one, dear.

Good one.

Pick up your cards,
we'll play a quick hand.

Hey, the cards are
stuck to the table.

What is this?

Well, that's one way
to finally win, Howie.

- Oh, Howard, now you've gone too far.
- I...

I'm going to go in
and get a damp cloth.

But I didn't... What is...?

Oh, Mom, I'll help you. I...

- Oh...
- Richie, I'm stuck.

- I can't move.
- Richie.

What is this?

You know, uh, I saw a
guy on b*at the Clock...

Richard!

Margaret, when I walk
around with my chair like this,

it means I have spades.

Oh!

Chachi, Chachi, Chachi.

Al, Al, where is that Chachi?

I'm trying to get him
on the phone right now.

Good. I waxed my
new saddle shoes.

Look at them.

Oh, he's not answering.

He probably waxed his phone.

Hey, Lori Beth,
Al, look at this.

What is it?

Before I used
Chachi's wax on it,

it was my bowling ball.

Is Jennifer in there?!

- No.
- No.

Are you sure?

- Yes.
- Yes.

Potsie, come on out here.

RICHIE, LORI BETH &
AL: You put it on your hair.

Where is he? Where
is that little twerp?

I don't know... look
what he did to my shoes.

The table... look at the table.

- Oh, my.
- Totally burnt out.

Hi, everybody.

How'd the wax work?

Bye, everybody.

Let's get him!

Stop that boy!

♪ I'm gonna look so sweet ♪

♪ On my bicycle seat ♪

♪ Built for one. ♪

- Fonz.
- Hey, Richie.

Where's Chachi?

What do I look like,
my cousin's keeper?

Just wait till I get
my hands on him.

I mean, Fonz, I'm telling you.

Just wait till I get
my hands on him.

All right, slow down, you're
gonna bust something.

- Now, what's up?
- He's ruined everything.

I mean, my bowling ball...

My father's card table,

Lori Beth's shoes,
Potsie's hair.

I mean, you should
just see Potsie's hair.

I tell you, I'm
gonna get Chachi.

All right, hey, look,
get him later... talk now.

Hey, are you home?

Oh, yeah, Fonz. Uh...

Chachi's selling stuff.

Yeah, I know that.

It's called Incredo-Wax.

I bought some.

Yeah, I thought so.

Shined up my seat.

I can see that.

I like to encourage the kid

when he shows
some get-up-and-go.

That's not all that's
getting up and going.

All right...

Now, Fonz, Fonz,
just-just take it easy.

I mean, it's only your
motorcycle seat, right?

Did you say "only"
about my motorcycle?

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Look, I'm mad, too, Fonz,

but you said it yourself,

the kid's trying to
make some extra cash.

He's a businessman.

Hey, I'm gonna give
him the business.

Fonz, just take it
easy. He's only 16.

This thing is
going to float away.

And besides, the way I saw
him running out of Arnold's,

I don't think you're going
to find him for a while.

I know how to find him.

This is going to hurt me
more than it hurts you.

Fonz, you're taking it well.

Let's go and get him.

♪ Take good care of my baby ♪

♪ Don't you ever make her cry ♪

♪ Just let your
love surround her ♪

♪ Paint rainbows
all around her ♪

♪ Don't let her
see a cloudy sky ♪

♪ Once upon a time ♪

♪ That little girl was mine ♪

♪ If I'd been true ♪

♪ I know she'd never
be with you, so ♪

♪ Take good care of my baby ♪

♪ Be just as kind
as you can be ♪

♪ And if you should discover ♪

♪ That you don't
really love her ♪

♪ Just send my baby
back home to me ♪

♪♪

♪ Take good care of my baby ♪

♪ Be just as kind
as you can be ♪

♪ And if you should discover ♪

♪ That you don't
really love her ♪

♪ Just send my baby
back home to me. ♪

Al, Al, I don't want
you to get hurt,

I don't want you
to get hurt, Al,

but you hit a few
clinkers in that one.

Aw, Rich, well, I was
worried about Chachi.

- I know.
- Is the set over?

- Yeah, yeah, take five.
- All right, okay.

The doctor told me not
to worry about anything,

and I'm not going to
worry about anything.

You know, don't you?

Chachi, Chachi, Chachi.

Pots, is your hair
back to normal yet?

Oh, it's better.

The first time in your life
you're even funnier than Ralph.

So, uh, is Chachi here?

Couldn't find him, huh?

I didn't think you'd be able to.

I know his weakness...
He'll be here.

Four, three, two, one.

Oh, I love papaya.

I love pineapple, all
that South Seas stuff.

Now, look, why
don't you and me...

This is an ambush, huh?

Does this mean the luau's off?

All right, in my
office, right now.

Eh... boy.

What are you complaining about?

It looks terrific.

Fonz, are you sure
that you want to...

- You, too.
- Me?

- Yeah.
- Ah.

Fonz...

Put your hat back on.

Right, right.

Hey, uh, I forgot what
brunch was on Sunday.

Thanks a lot. I'll be there.

Hey, I'm sorry, Judy, I
can't make it right now.

I have a very important
meeting in my office.

He'll call you back.

And second of
all, this is my office.

So, the k*ller of
motorcycle seats returns.

How did I know the wax was bad?

All right, let's sit
down and talk this out.

Watch it, Richie, huh?

All you're interested in doing
is making extra bucks, huh?

That's right. You were
the one who told me

to go out and earn
some extra money, right?

- We'll stand up and talk.
- Richie, please, huh?

I told you to earn
some extra money.

I didn't tell you to ruin
Milwaukee in the process.

I'm so inadequate when
it comes to confrontations.

Richie, will you please.

You know, I asked you for
help, but what'd you give me?

Advice. Big deal.

You know what I'm
gonna do from now on?

Tell me.

Fonz, everybody hates me.

I need help.

The kid needs help.

What are you yelling
at him for, Rich?

No, but, Fonz, I was the one...

Hey, Richie, I'll
ask you a question.

You remember when
you were 16 years old?

A little sensitivity, here.

Yeah, uh, right, Fonz.

All right, I'm such a sucker
when he gets humble.

What happened?

I don't know.

Some shady looking guy said
I could make some big money.

And then he dumps this wax

that eats favorite
things on you, huh?

You know what that
sounds like to me?

- Richie, please.
- Then why am I here?

- You're setting a good example.
- Ah...

All right, now, this
is a typical con game.

What's the guy's name?

Uh, Becket.

Remember that.

All right now, he
hustles kids, right?

Dumps useless wax on them

and then takes the
money and skedaddles.

Not nice.

See that? What a lovely example.

Fonz, what am I going to do?

All right, you're gonna
sit right down here,

take a load off your feet,

don't slip into the sink.

- This con-er...
- Mm-hmm.

Is going to become
our con-ee, huh?

Here's what we're gonna do.

So, what makes you
think this Becket guy

is really going to show up?

Greed, Red, greed.

They're ain't enough money
in the world for guys like that.

He thinks he's taking
us as easy marks, huh.

Fonz, Fonz,
Becket just drove up.

All right, disappear.

- Where? Where?
- My office. My office.

Hurry. Hurry.

Okay, okay, we're ready to go.

Well, we're in...
we're in good now.

All we gotta do is lay
our hands on that wax,

then we close the deal
and we got ourselves

half a million bucks.

What about that sharpie,
you know, Mr. Becket?

Oh, Becket's a boob,
he won't know anything.

The boob knows.

Uh-oh. I think he heard.

You're-you're, uh, Becket?

You've got it.

What's the scam
on a half a million?

Half a million dollars?

I never said anything
about a half a mill...

Did you ever say anything
about a half a million?

No. I can't even wrap my
tongue around those words.

All right, stop the double-talk.

You two got something
big going with my wax,

and I want to know what it is.

- All right, he's-he's got us, Fonzarelli.
- Yeah.

Without his wax,
why, there's no deal.

- I feel like a rat in a trap.
- Yeah.

Not now.

Uh, you know, the
neighborhood's changing.

Cut the clowning.
Now, what's the deal?

Uh, I don't like v*olence, sir.

All right, all
right, a kid sold us

some of your Incredo-Wax,
see, and then, uh,

and then my partner, Fonzie,
mixed it with something else,

- another ingredient...
- And-and what?

- What, what?
- Well, it changed.

Well, what did it change to?

Well, show him, show him, Red.

- Yeah, show me, come on.
- Yeah. All right.

- I want to see this.
- Show him.

- Ready, Fonzarelli?
- All right. Yeah, yeah.

Hmm?

Now, two hours ago,

this was a flimsy
piece of cheap leather.

And... No, no, it
was good leather.

See, and then we
rubbed the wax on it.

Yeah, and it
became hard as steel.

You two seem to have
something pretty good going here.

I want in.

All right. Okay, how about this?

- We'll cut you in for a third.
- Third.

- I want half.
- Oh, man.

- Unbelievable, unbelievable.
- Oh.

All right, okay, we're going
to have to talk this over.

- Talk it over. Make it quick.
- Okay.

All right, we're
talking it over here.

Look at us. Here
we are talking it over.

Fonz, is your chest all right?

Yeah, I think you bent
my favorite hubcap though.

Come on, snap it up, snap it up.

- All right.
- Meek is k*lling me, you know that.

I understand.

Snap it up.

All right, all right.
We talked it over.

We don't like it,
but you're in for half.

- Whoa.
- That's fabulous.

Now, partners, who's
putting up the half a million?

Foreign interests.

I don't like it.

He pays it all in cash.

That's better.

There's his foreign car now.

Don't blow this deal.

Ah...

Greetings from the desert.

May your camel
always stand upwind.

Yep, yep, yep, yep.

Who is this infidel?

Oh, no, we're very honored

to have the inventor
of Incredo-Wax with us.

Do you have the money?

Foreign suitcase.

Yankee dollars.

Uh, uh, uh, uh.

First demonstration.

- Oh, right, we promised a demonstration.
- Yeah.

Hey, uh, put it on the car.

I don't think you
should do that.

Well, it'll make it
dent-proof, you know.

Well, no, I'm not so sure now.

Hey, I know what I'm doing.

Yeah, hey, whatever you
want, whatever you want.

Here, some Incredo-Wax.

There you go.

You'll love the demonstration.

If this works, my
camels will be invincible.

Here, that ought to
be hard enough now.

You, hood, hand
me a sledgehammer.

Your Sheikhness, dig this.

Maybe the fender'll be harder.

I can try the
fender. Watch this.

This is going to
be good for you.

Wait, wait, wait.

No, no, no, no. No handcuffs.

Give me his hands.
Give me his hands.

Hooray, we did it.

AL, FONZIE & RICHIE:
Chachi, Chachi, Chachi.

Boy, I worked out a
terrific deal with Al.

I work for seven
weeks as a busboy

and that pays for
the whole table.

- That's great.
- See you, Fonz.

- Yeah.
- Uh...

- Fonz?
- Yeah?

You know...

sometimes a guy gets
himself in a real mess

and another guy
helps him out of it,

and for some reason,

the first guy doesn't know
how to tell the second guy

how he feels and
how he appreciates

what the second guy
did for the first guy.

Chach, forget all these guys.

You want to say thank
you, you say, "Thank you."

Thank you, Fonz.

What do you think
cousins are for?

See you later.

- Hi, Rich.
- Hey, Chach.

Fonz, did you have
a talk with Chachi?

Yeah, yeah, I did.

You know, I'll tell
you something.

He-he reminds me so much
of me when I was his age.

Oh, yeah?

Okay, Judy, now we only have
20 minutes to get to the luau.

All you have to do is wiggle.

Okay, can you wigg... Terrific.

That's perfect.

Fonz, he is just like you.

Scares me to death.

♪ These happy days
are yours and mine ♪

♪ These happy days are
yours and mine, Happy Days! ♪

♪ Good-bye, gray
sky, hello, blue ♪

♪ There's nothing can
hold me when I hold you ♪

♪ It feels so right,
it can't be wrong ♪

♪ Rockin' and
rollin' all week long ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- ♪ Happy and free ♪
- ♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- ♪ Share them with me ♪
- ♪ Oh, baby ♪

♪ These happy days
are yours and mine ♪

♪ These happy days are
yours and mine, Happy Days! ♪