08x05 - The Kid Is Out of the Picture

Episode transcripts for the TV show "7th Heaven". Aired: August 26, 1996 – May 13, 2007.*
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Eric Camden is a reverend, husband and the father of numerous children who faces everyday challenges of raising a family during permissive times.
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08x05 - The Kid Is Out of the Picture

Post by bunniefuu »

(organ playing upbeat tune)

(dog barking)

(dog barking)

SIMON: This is our house...

only it's not our house

because it belongs
to the church.

My dad is a Protestant minister.

Because my dad
and mom moved here

shortly after they were married

with my dad's first
big assignment,

we all grew up here.

Or we're growing up here...

in this house that
really isn't ours.

Most of the time, that
doesn't bother me, but...

you know, sometimes it does.

Maybe someday I'll
become rich enough

to buy it from the church, so
we can keep it in the family.

It's not impossible.

I've always been known
as the Bank of Simon.

I'm good with money.

When I was ten, I
begged my dad for a dog.

And when that didn't work,
I went to a higher authority.

I was certain that a dog would
just appear out of the ether,

but... (chuckles)
Dad wasn't so sure.

"Simon, if by some
great cosmic coincidence,

"a dog happens to come to
you here at the house, fine,

"but you don't go
out looking for a dog,

and you don't trick one
into coming into the yard."

Fortunately, in
addition to delivering

many heartfelt prayers, I
also begged my mom for a dog,

and she stopped by the
pound and rescued one...

This one, Happy.

So, I believed my
prayers were answered.

Dad let me keep her,

even though we found
out she was having puppies.

(barking)

The curly-haired one is Ruthie.

She's my youngest sister.

We shared a room at one time

for a long time,

and that's probably why
I still feel closest to her.

We've been through
a lot together...

That and the fact
that she's saner

than my two older sisters.

Lucy is .

She's been married
about six months to Kevin.

He's a cop.

Lucy wants to follow

in my father's footsteps
and become a minister.

And evidently, Mary has decided

to follow in my
mother's footsteps

because she's and
she's gonna have a baby

with her husband, Carlos.

They got married the
week after Lucy and Kevin...

only, no one knew.

They just told us when they
found out they were pregnant.

This is my older brother, Matt.

He's now.

Second year of medical school.

He's married, too, to Sarah.

She's also and in her
second year of medical school.

They've all married young,

but what are we supposed to do?

It's get married and have sex

or don't get married
and don't have sex.

And of course, we've all
wrestled with the other choices.

Although she better
not be wrestling

with anyone anytime soon,

especially him.

He better not even think about
coming anywhere near her.

Oh, that's... that's
Peter, Ruthie's boyfriend.

And these two are Sam and
David, my youngest brothers.

They're four.

They're twins.

Right, four-year-old twins.

Matt's .

Uh, here's the family.

Mary's .

Lucy's .

I'm .

Ruthie's .

And then Sam and David are four.

We were all surprised

when Mom and Dad decided
to have more children...

and happy.

We were happy...

Happy and surprised.

But... we shouldn't have been.

My mom and dad have
always been hot for each other.

I can't think of a better
way to describe them.

I think they're the reason
Matt, Mary and Lucy got married.

They want that.

We all want that.

It's like... being
in seventh heaven

permanently.

th Heaven

♪ When I see their happy faces ♪

♪ Smiling back at me ♪

th Heaven

♪ I know there's
no greater feeling ♪

♪ Than the love of family ♪

♪ Where can you go ♪

♪ When the world
don't treat you right? ♪

♪ The answer is home ♪

♪ That's the one
place that you'll find ♪

th Heaven

♪ Mmm, th Heaven

th Heaven.

SIMON: It takes a lot
of work to get that kind

of relationship
and keep it going,

and no one's tried
harder than Lucy.

She got off to a bad start.

Jimmy Moon,
Lucy's first true love.

True loser.

I thought she'd
never get rid of him.

But, as her luck would
have it, he got rid of her.

All because she went blonde.

And I take full credit.

I thought it was a good idea.

Jimmy didn't.

Jimmy Moon was busted for pot.

He served time as
a high school narc,

and then just when we
thought he'd gone straight,

Lucy ran into him when
she was on jury duty.

He was the defendant.

And that's the short story.

From Jimmy, Lucy
moved on to Rod.

Then back to Jimmy.

Then Jimmy and Rod.

Eventually, someone
had to make a decision.

They became the best
of friends, Jimmy and Rod.

Lucy was left out in
the cold, but not for long.

She bounced around
between Charlie and Bryan

and a Frenchman named Guy.

Then she met Kenny.

She thought he was
too good to be true.

Then Stevie...

followed by Joe.

He and Lucy took on
Mary and her boyfriend

in a make-out competition.

Briefly after that was
Tyler, and that brings us to...

Andrew Nayloss.

It was another on-again,
off-again relationship

that ended when Andrew's dad
sent him to Europe one summer

to get him away from Lucy.

He returned to announce,

"I did a really stupid thing.

"I... I met a girl.

"We got pregnant, and I'm
going back to France to live."

Lucy bounced back eventually,

hooking up with Mike
Pierce, a guy who had tried

to commit su1c1de, reconsidered
the selfishness of it all

and put his heart
into living again.

A winner, her first real winner.

Unfortunately, they
had no chemistry.

Mike introduced her to Jeremy.

They had chemistry.

Lucy asked him to marry her.

He said yes.

She moved in with him
and his family in New York

so they could start college
and their life together.

She broke it off
when she found out

his pothead musician
parents thought she was no fun.

The next time out, Lucy
waited for the proposal.

And waited... and waited.

But when he finally
asked her to marry him,

Kevin did it right.

And she said yes.

She was on her way to this.

This is Mary.

Her first kiss was
with Matt's friend, Jeff.

Her first love, however,
was Wilson West.

, widower, teen father...

Not the kind of guy who deserved

an on-again,
off-again relationship,

but there's just
something about Mary.

After Wilson was
a Jim and a Brad

and a Jay and a George,

but the next real
love for Mary was...

Robbie Palmer.

They met while performing
community service.

Mary loved him.

My parents hated him.

Then Mary hated him,
and my parents loved him.

Then Mary loved him.

Then hated him.

Then my parents,
still in love with him,

took him in because
he was homeless

and probably because Mary
had moved a safe distance

of , miles away to
grow up with my grandparents

in Buffalo, New York.

They got her.

We got him.

Robbie became
like a brother to us

and another son to Mom
and Dad, but eventually,

he moved to Florida
to be a brother

to his real brothers and
a son to his real mother.

But he's probably stayed
away from his no-good dad

At least, we hope so.

But back to Mary.

Meanwhile, in Buffalo,
Mary got back with Wilson,

but threw it all
away for a new guy:

Ben.

Then changed her mind
and went back to Wilson,

but changed her mind
again and went back to Ben.

Ben is Kevin's brother,

but Lucy met Kevin after
Mary had dumped Ben again.

She was confused.

They were confused.

We were all confused.

And then we met...

Jack, a man my father's age.

Then we were
shocked... and amused

and appalled,

but just when we thought
she'd end up with this old man,

she threw us a curve and
got married... to Carlos,

and as I mentioned,
they're gonna have a baby,

and as I didn't mention,

this all happened months
after they were married,

not months before
they were married,

although I'm sure that's
the rumor at church.

Sidebar: the story of Mary
and Lucy would be incomplete

if I didn't mention the
loves they've shared.

Jordan Johansen.

Jordan, aka Big Lips.

Lucy caught him; Mary stole him,

but threw him back to Lucy,
who eventually dumped him.

Candidate # , if
we skip the fight

over the French foreign student.

Mary broke up with Robbie.

Lucy broke up with
Jeremy, and somehow,

Lucy and Robbie found
themselves making out,

which wasn't too surprising

because Lucy is the
queen of making out.

Before Robbie, she had
made out with his brother.

And before that
brother, she made out

with another one
of his brothers.

That's right.

Lucy made out with all
three Palmer brothers.

But Lucy and Mary
briefly shared only the one.

Hopefully, Florida will be
better to him than Glenoak.

But let's move on to
my older brother, Matt.

I told you about
Mary and Lucy first

because I know more about
their relationships than his.

I know he loved Heather.

I thought he'd marry her.

He almost did...

a couple of times,
but who knows?

Maybe he loved them all.

Matt dated a lot of women.

I don't remember
all their names,

but I found pictures
of a couple of them.

Here's Dr. Laroe...

his English lit teacher.

He thought she was
sending him signals,

so he tried to kiss her.

This is Jenny.

Matt met her one Christmas

when he was working
as a mall Santa Claus.

But here's an interesting
woman, Sheryl.

We first heard about her
when Mary found out Robbie

was seeing her the same
time he was seeing Mary.

Then she came back into
our lives when she and Robbie

thought they were pregnant
and wanted to get married.

They weren't, and they didn't.

And then somehow
Matt hooked up with her.

Now, I find it hard to believe
they never... you know.

Look at her. She's gorgeous.

Of all the girls
he loved before,

no one compares to Sarah Glass,

now Sarah Camden,

the rabbi's daughter
and my brother's wife.

He asked her to marry
him on the first date.

Love at first sight.

But can they achieve this?

Who knows?

Can any of them?

He has family money,

and yet, they're living in an
apartment over the garage.

Why?

Does he love us, the
family, more than her?

And do they love each
other enough to start a family

six months after bumping
into each other in New York?

Let's ask the
expert. (phone rings)

Ruthie says whether or not
they make it isn't the question.

The question is whether or
not they'll enjoy the journey

and learn from it.

She's only , but I think
she's already found it.

Peter Petrowski.

I know I don't want
him anywhere near her,

but I do think she's
made a good choice,

a winner first time
out of the gate.

Ruthie is smarter than any of
us, smarter than me anyway.

Deena, Carole, and
Sue; Sally, Maria...

and others, like
Marsha and Sasha.

That's the brief and tumultuous
journey that's brought me here.

Cecilia.

I'm in love with Cecilia, but
I'm not ready to be in love.

I'm only ; I'm ready
to see the world...

at least a world that
doesn't have me following

in Matt's and Mary's and
Lucy's footsteps to the altar.

Because before I
get what they have,

I want to know who I am.

I don't know if I've ever
had a normal friend.

Now that I think of it,

none of us have ever
had a normal friend.

As Ruthie says, "Believe me,

"almost every friend
we've ever had in this house

has something wrong with them."

We might as well look
at Matt's friends first,

since he's the
oldest. (siren wailing)

Mrs. Bink.

Matt helped her run errands.

She helped him quit smoking.

He also helped her with a doctor
that was giving her a hard time.

Renee was pregnant.

Everyone was relieved

to find out Matt
wasn't the father.

He was just trying to help
her, and help her he did.

He may not have been
there for the conception,

but he was there a thousand
percent for the delivery.

Maybe this is where his interest
in gynecology and obstetrics

actually began.

Steve was a ten-year-old
with a terminal diagnosis,

who wanted to get out of
the hospital and play baseball.

Matt smuggled him out and
made his dreams come true.

Emma Hooten worked
at the hardware store

and was wearing my
mom's wedding ring

that was stolen at a robbery.

Matt tried to tell George
to dump out his beer

at Matt's party, but
he wouldn't listen.

Leonard, the editor
of the school paper,

tried to use Matt to
increase circulation.

Matt showed up just
in time to save Kevin,

who had sucked down so
much booze he almost d*ed.

Mason was going to marry Heather

until Matt found out
he was cheating on her.

Teresa stole Matt's car.

She was another
pregnant woman on the run

who Matt had stopped
to help. (tires screeching)

James was the son of
the richest guy in Glenoak.

Matt agreed to tutor him,

but James wanted
more help than that.

He cheated off Matt's test.

They both got busted and
James finally confessed.

Cheryl was traumatized
by her mother's boyfriend,

who always called
her a dumb blonde.

Matt was working at the clinic

when Gina Miller came in
with chronic stomach pain

and could have d*ed
if Matt didn't help her.

(basketball bouncing)

Mary, who has often
needed help herself,

has also found
time to help others.

Denise was being teased at
school for the way she dressed.

Mary played basketball
with Diane and was there

to dial when Diane
almost overdosed on ephedrine.

Coach Koper was
Mary's basketball coach,

a very bad man.

Cory was another girl
on the basketball team.

She had her all-sports award
yanked when people found out

she was the unwed
mother of a five-year-old.

Mary handed over the award
and got Cory a lot of respect.

Molly.

Mary coached her team

of developmentally
challenged basketball players.

It was Mary who
got Dad to help Lisa.

She was abused by
her mother's boyfriend.

Jill and Barb were trying to
get Lucy to drink with them...

until Mary showed up.

She met Frankie and
Johnny at Pete's Pizza.

They were beyond Mary's help.

After getting Mary
to drink and drive,

they brought her into
their troubled married life,

which included a
baby and a lot of pot,

but Mary tried to help them.

(phone rings)

Let's move on to Lucy,
who has the longest list.

This is our neighbor Mike.

Lucy befriended him
when no one else would.

That was a fun Halloween.

Lucy helped Mike win the
pumpkin-carving contest,

although she did steal a
couple of pumpkins from him first.

She got dad to help Suzanne.

She and her mother
were victims of a guy

who refused to
pay child support.

Her friend Shelby
was embarrassed

about where she lived.

Her mom's welfare was cut off.

Lucy got help for
her friend Laurie,

who was verbally
abused by her mother,

who was verbally
abused by her mother.

How hard is it to say
"I love you" to your kid?

Lucy got them help, too.

When Rod's mom d*ed

and he couldn't face his father,

Lucy helped him get through it

while she hid him in her closet.

Nicole, a cutter,

abused herself by
cutting her legs and arms.

It's a self-abuse problem
I'd never heard of.

Lucy helped Ashley,
a girl at school.

Her mother wanted
to be her best friend,

robbing Ashley of having a
real mother and a childhood.

Mike Pierce asked Lucy to
set him up with Elaina Casey,

who had acne and thought
Lucy was playing a prank on her.

When the garage
apartment needed finishing,

Lucy brought home Ray,
the out-of-work carpenter.

He staged a fall
and tried to sue us.

Paul.

Lucy helped him talk his family

into allowing him
to pursue his dreams

of performing with The
Famous People Players.

Christine... ex-hooker,
houseguest, heart of gold.

Who wouldn't help her?

(horse galloping, neighing)

Ah, now we're getting
to Ruthie's friends.

This is Eisenhower.

He needed a mate.

This is where Ruthie's
friend Ben lived.

His parents invested
everything into Y K.

Remember that scare?

Ruthie had a great idea
for her class story contest

until her friend
Chrissy tried to steal it.

Her teacher Miss Riddle
called Ruthie stupid.

She had some anger
issues to resolve.

Ruthie switched
schools and met Julia,

whose mother lost her job
and couldn't afford groceries.

Yasmine... a moderate Muslim

just trying to get to school and
back without getting harassed.

Ruthie met Caitlin
at the stables.

She's a competitive
steeplechase jockey

who faces the challenge
of living with cystic fibrosis.

Actually, she
probably helped Ruthie

more than Ruthie helped her.

(horse galloping, neighing)

(buzzing)

MAN: Quiet on the set.

SIMON: I have friends
of my own, of course.

I once stood up for Nigel when
some jerk on the playground

called him the "N" word.

Another time at school, a bully
named Mark was teasing me.

When he ripped his pants, I
lent him my jacket to cover up

so the other kids would
stop making fun of him.

My friend Stan was
having trouble sleeping.

His sister Karen had joined
a g*ng and couldn't get out.

Larry's dad had told him
that the Holocaust was a hoax.

I found a little
girl named Sarah

on the street near our house.

(Happy barking)
Her alcoholic dad

had left her there.

Marie and Joan
approached me at school,

wanting me to go to their party.

They actually just
wanted me to bring Lucy.

It wasn't long after
I started high school

that suddenly it seemed
like everybody was on dr*gs.

I signed up to help out
with the audio-visual club

and found out that every
one of them was huffing paint.

My friend Lee had
a drug problem, too.

His dad just couldn't
quit smoking pot.

Bobby suffers from Tourette's

and was being
tortured at school.

Nick was mentally
unstable and carried a g*n.

Luckily, the authorities
seized it before he used it.

We weren't quite as lucky with
Deena's ex-boyfriend Johnny,

who sh*t my dad.

(g*nsh*t)

It's no surprise I couldn't find
a picture of my friend Luke.

He was like the invisible man.

Nobody believed any of the
funny stories I told about Luke

or that he even existed...
until they met him.

Later that year, I helped
Sasha end a bad relationship

with a guy named Larry.

There was also Claire.

She had a problem
I still can't talk about,

let alone show you her picture.

I don't know where
we find these people.

Oh, no, no, wait.

I do know.

They find us, and
many more find him.

(church bell ringing)

(organ playing)

Whose favorite saying is:

"Forget trying to help people
and just try to be harmless."

Here are a few people
he was harmless to.

Reverend Morgan Hamilton's
church was b*rned down

and my dad insisted
his entire family

come stay with us and
that they were welcome

at our church.

Steve and Susan needed
more than counseling.

Steve had never
divorced his first wife.

Terry was a drug addict

that stumbled upon
our doorstep for help.

Abbey Morris had been abused

by her husband for years
and was too afraid to leave him.

Dad helped her get away
from him and get help.

There was also Steve Cunningham,

who was out of work and
living in a van with his family.

Aunt Julie was an alcoholic.

Dad helped her to admit
to it and get treatment.

This young minister suffered

from epilepsy.

Dad helped him get back
to his job at the church,

then helped Mrs.
Hinkle get out of her job

at the church when she wanted
to retire as church organist.

Dad later helped her
get her house back.

He got Pam Sander's
ex-husband Bill to pay child support.

He counseled Bob and Ellen
Jackson when they were divorcing

and had forgotten
about their daughter Tia.

Dad went with Nora
Chambers to confront

her husband's m*rder*r so
she could move on with her life.

Will Grayson had just come
out of witness protection

and needed to
reconnect with his son.

Ron Kramer was an ex-con.

He couldn't get work.

Lou Dalton needed to find

an affordable care for
his autistic son Lewis.

A lot of women must be
attracted to men of the cloth.

Over the years there were
several that came after my dad,

including recently
divorced Nancy

and also Serena, who
just needed counseling;

my teacher Mr. Lane

was going to lose his job

for protecting a student
from his abusive father.

They always call in my dad when
something happens in Glenoak.

Peter McKinley was
going to jump off a roof

over the cheap jeans
his mother bought for him.

Jack Brenner, the President
of Crawford University,

created a scandal when
he cheated on his wife

with a graduate student.

Dad got George into
anger management classes.

He had been slapped around
his whole life by his mother

and was starting to
get abusive himself.

He made a trip down to the
IRS when he met Clarence.

Clarence and his
mom had been stuck

with her ex-husband's tax debt.

Elizabeth Brown
lost her son Alan

and couldn't
recover from her loss.

Everyone thought school
janitor Rudy Steineger was crazy

when he said he
was talking to God.

Dad helped his fellow jurors

on trial overcome their
prejudices and rule fairly.

He does a lot of
relationship counseling.

He helped Jessica and Ryan.

He was a control freak

and wouldn't let her
do anything on her own.

And Ted, who had
a drinking problem

that was leading to divorce
and nearly k*lled Lucy and Mary.

Dad helped the Carberrys,

who couldn't see their
dog through to the end.

James Carver had lost his wife

and thought he had
a crush on my mom.

Bird needed help
forgiving her dead father

for verbally abusing her.

Sachiko was a Japanese-American

who had been in
an internment camp.

Someone once wrote
anonymously to my dad at church.

All this kid wanted was
a prayer to end v*olence

and to comfort all those

whose lives had been
affected by v*olence.

Dad also visits a lot of
sick people at the hospital.

(siren wailing)

That's where he met Harold,

who needed the courage to live

despite the fact he had
a terminal diagnosis.

Tim came to see
him at his office.

He was missing
an arm, literally.

Ramon Reyes' son
had been kidnapped

by a jealous ex-girlfriend.

Yasmine's father Mr. Halawi

was sick and needed help

to get his printing shop
up and running again.

Dad was there when Kevin
and Dr. Gibson confronted

Paris Petrowski's boyfriend

about his abusive past.

My dad learned a
lesson about himself

while helping the Tallridges.

They wouldn't let their grown
son, Jerry, live his own life.

This guy pretended
to be Andrew Hampton,

who was dying from
lung cancer and hiding out,

refusing to make peace
with his son, Chandler.

And the list goes on and on

forever and ever
for all eternity.

My dad just can't
help helping people,

and now that I think of it,

my mother's right
in there with him.

(laughter)

Mom.

She helped Richard.

He was almost
out of high school,

and couldn't read
until she hooked him up

with a friend of hers.

Lou and the church vestry
were going through a rocky time

when Mom stepped in
to help them through it.

After Judy Calloway's
husband committed su1c1de,

Mom helped comfort her

and got her to come
to church again.

She helped her
friend, Rachel Grewe,

who was struggling
with a recent divorce.

Mrs. Beeker just seemed
like a nosy neighbor.

Mom figured out she was
really just lonely and wanted

to help out, so we let her.

There was the young
married's counseling group

she did at the church.

Millard was a homeless veteran

that Mom came across
outside the supermarket.

Mom introduced
Donovan to the twins

when he became angry

that his parents were
having another baby.

Robin was an obnoxious

motivational speaker that
Mom dated in high school.

(doorbell ringing)

People came over to our
house for Mom's help, too.

There was Cassandra and
Barbara from birthing class, and Rita,

who had no idea how to
talk to her daughter about sex.

My mom was a teacher at
Ruthie's school for a while, too.

That's where she met Christy,
the student whose parents

just couldn't quit arguing.

But more than any
of these people,

my parents have helped all of us

when we've been in
trouble along the way.

And we've been in trouble.

Lots and lots of trouble.

As PKs, we've hit a few bumps,

and run into some
brick walls along the way.

We've all made our
share of mistakes.

Even the twins.

They helped themselves
to everyone's money

so they could
make a contribution

to fixing the church roof.

And they once
stole this guy's hat,

but they're just four.

Let's go to the oldest.

The first time I can remember

Matt getting into
a lot of trouble,

not counting his
brief stint as a smoker,

was when he wrecked the
church's Meals on Wheels van,

which he had borrowed
for some hot date,

who spilled beer all over him

while he backed
into a police car.

When my dad caught him
sneaking in at : a.m.,

saying he just fell
asleep at a girl's house,

he got grounded for three weeks.

He once forged Dad's signature

on one of Mary's
detention slips.

(loud crowd chatter)

Everyone has to have a party

when their parents
are out of town.

Matt and Mary took on that
tradition with a vengeance.

Unfortunately, Happy
escaped the premises

and got sideswiped by a car.

(car brakes screeching)

But fortunately recovered.

When Michael Towner
ran over Mary with his car,

Matt punched his lights out.

Another time Matt
and Mary took a joyride,

and ended up with a flat tire,

a speeding ticket and
a very long lecture.

My dad once found
a joint in the house.

Actually, he-he didn't find it.

(barking) Happy
brought it to him.

And Dad thought it
was Matt's, and it was.

A friend had given it to him.

It seems like it shouldn't
have been such a big deal

since it obviously hadn't been
smoked, but you know parents.

He once ran away to
Philadelphia chasing Heather,

only to end up meeting her
new boyfriend when he got there.

Matt had trouble keeping jobs.

He got fired from his
delivery job at the Dairy Shack

after Happy ate the
customers' orders.

When he was pre-med, he
almost failed organic chemistry

because he wouldn't
admit that he needed help.

But all this stuff
is pretty minor.

Matt set the bar pretty high.

He didn't smoke.
He didn't drink.

But if you ask me,

he was keeping his sex
life quiet for a reason,

because, hey, I don't have
any photos, so why bring it up?

I don't know why I
didn't start with her.

Mary's been in far more trouble

than the rest of us
ever dreamed about.

There was the time
she and Camille,

a friend from detention,

went to a frat party.

It turned out to be just

the two of them
and two older guys.

I think that was just before
Mary slipped out of the house

to go to a co-ed sleep-over
that Matt busted her for.

She stole a glass
from the Varsity

that landed Matt in court.

She vandalized the school gym

with her teammates
and got arrested.

Had to do community service
with Robbie Palmer, remember?

She got a job at
the pool hall, decided

she could buy a sports
car, bought one, and then

got fired from the pool
hall. (glass breaking)

Then she went to
work at Pete's Pizza,

where she met Frankie
and Johnny, had a beer,

and then got pulled over,
but left off with a warning

because the cop recognized her.

She may or may not
have tried marijuana.

But she's definitely taken money
from all of us. (coin clinking)

Can you believe
we all helped her

rob the twin's piggy banks?

She also lied.

And cheated, and yet,

you can't help but love her.

Lucy's troubles can mostly
be attributed to the fact

that she's extremely emotional.

She just can't help

letting her emotions
get the best of her.

(blows landing) There was
the cat fight she had with Mary

at Mom and Dad's second wedding.

And the time she
fought Mary over Robbie.

After seeing Gone With the Wind,


Lucy thought it would be
romantic to slap Jordan.

Her teacher didn't think so.

Mary once gave Lucy a black eye.

But it was an accident.

At least, well, that's
what Mary says.

If Lucy ever gave
anyone a black eye,

it would probably be Roxanne.

Although supposedly,
they're all friends now.

Whatever.

Let's go on to Ruthie.

When she was six,

the two of us decided to
play private investigator,

and tailed the
postman, Mr. Jeffries.

We got lost.

And Sergeant Michaels ended
up bringing us home. (barking)

Then there was the
time we found $ ,

and used it to buy
black market ferrets

from some guy
outside a pet shop.

I once hid in my room
to avoid a doctor visit,

claiming that I was locked in.

(touch tones beeping)
Ruthie called ,

and two nice police
officers showed up.

Then there was the time

Happy got a credit
card in the mail,

and we used it to make
catalogue purchases ourselves.

And the time she tied me to
the banisters. (Ruthie giggling)

Then put her head
through a couple of railings

and got stuck there.

Yeah, I know. My name
has often been linked

with her bad behavior,
but sometimes,

she's done things
all on her own.

Like the time a
camera crew showed up

to tape one of my
dad's church services,

and Ruthie jammed
a mint up her nose

(siren blaring) in the
middle of the sermon,

and had to be
rushed to the hospital.

Ruthie once pulled a boy's hair,
and got sent home from school

because she wanted to go
to the beach with my mom.

She also got grounded

for giving another
friend a haircut at school.

Or the time she conned Matt

into letting her buy makeup
she wasn't supposed to have.

Or the time she surprised
her boyfriend, and Mom,

with how sexy she
could look... at .

Mom was pretty upset

when Sam and David
started calling Ruthie Mama.

Mama.

It was only because she had
been bribing them with cookies.

To make my dad feeling
needed, Ruthie lied

and said her friend, Alice Brand
was being abused by her parents.

My mom once put
Ruthie on restriction

after she walked in
on her slow dancing

with Jake Davis
in our living room.

Or the time she and Peter
volunteered to watch Carson,

the rescue dog, but lost him.

She's been in plenty
of trouble on her own.

But then again, so have I.

I took up golf, and drove a ball

right through Lou
Dalton's windshield.

(glass breaking)

(more glass breaking)

But it took a second window
before I learned my lesson.

I got caught giving the
finger to some kid at school.

I got caught
toilet-papering a house.

A word of advice.

Never commit a crime with
an accomplice who can't run.

Jim and I decided we
needed to do something manly,

so we decided to
get our ears pierced.

Nigel and I did a school
project on teen smoking

that got out of control
when we decided to light up.

I once told Ruthie, the
squeaky wheel gets the grease,

so she started
blowing math tests

to get more attention from Mom.

I got caught shoplifting and
sneaking into the movies,

but I really didn't
mean to, I swear.

It was Luke's idea to go
out with the Murphy twins.

Sometimes I've simply
made bad decisions,

as to who I should
hang out with.

Or who I should drive with.
(siren blaring, helicopter whirring)

Grandpa got me involved
in a low-speed car chase.

But I take full responsibility

for the night I talked Morris
into taking me to a party.

I thought the
punch tasted funny,

but I just kept drinking it.

It went down a lot easier
than it came back up.

It was my last drink forever.

I got busted for running a
high school escort service.

Honestly, I learned
my lesson with that.

(Happy growling)

I can't blame all our troubles
on being preacher's kids,

but come on.

Does it sound as if we've
all had normal friends,

or even halfway normal lives?

Being a PK is
not a role I chose.

It's the one that was
given to me, and frankly,

there are a lot of times
I'd like to give it back.

Like now, for instance.

I just want to be a regular guy.

Out there trying to find myself,
and making my own mistakes,

that have much more to
do with the fact that I'm

than I'm a preacher's kid.

I just want to escape the shadow
of everyone else's expectations,

and start living up to my own.

I may not know who I am yet.

I think I know my strengths
and my weaknesses.

I've had a lot of experience
with badly-behaving children.

And I'm also very good
with money. (baby laughing)

Experienced with badly-behaving
children, and good with money.

So where would the
logical place for me be?

I want a be a producer,

a film producer, or even
a television producer.

Maybe I could even be
like this guy someday.

I assume you're
familiar with his record.

But don't get me wrong.

I'm willing to work at it.

I want to learn everything I can

about acting and-and
writing and-and producing.

And I want to learn it all

at California
School of the Arts.

Although my hometown of
Glenoak has some top-notch schools,

chances are slim

that Crawford University
will start hosting a film festival

at any time in the near future.

I need to get into CSA.

And I can't wait until
next semester or next fall.

I need immediate admittance.

I have a high grade average.

My SAT scores are
in the top ten percent.

And although I haven't
graduated from high school,

my CHPE test scores
should be in your hands

within a few weeks.

I'm hoping that you'll accept
me on a conditional basis

until I've proven myself.

My future is in your hands.

ROBERT EVANS: Is that it, kid?

That's all you've got to say?

You ought to put a
little more effort into it.


You ought to give
them the reason


you need to get into
college so quickly.


Come on, dig in a little more.

Dig in deeper.

I mean, this is
all very interesting


as a family history,
but where are you?


You want to make a good picture?

You got to put your
heart and your soul into it.


This picture isn't
done yet, kid.


I k*lled someone.

Not someone, his,
his name is Paul.

And he was only years old.

I had a lot to deal with.

But now I have this.

I can't deal with
it in the spotlight.

I just can't.

I don't want you to think

that I'm running away
from my problems.

I swear to you, I'm not.

I'd just rather work through
this in a new environment

where people don't know me.

Paul's older brother, Justin,

is in my class at school.

His parents asked my parents

to have me transferred
to another school,

just in case Justin decides
to do something stupid,

like come after me.

Truthfully, sometimes
I wish he would.

Sometimes, I wish
he'd even k*ll me,

just because I feel
so guilty about living.

Now, I would never do that.

I would never k*ll myself.

I'm not the type of guy that
would, that would k*ll himself.

I'm, I'm just saying I
feel guilty about living,

so don't anyone panic.

It's just that even with all
the help from my parents

and counseling
and the therapy...

I'm in a lot of pain.

And I'm having a
hard time living my life

as if this accident
never happened.

It was an accident.

A car accident.

I was supposed to meet my
family at the pool hall for pizza.

I was on my way
to pick up Cecilia.

The music was on;
the window was down...

I don't know, I thought
I was paying attention.

I wasn't going
over the speed limit

or doing anything dangerous.

But it still happened.

He came out of nowhere.

I slammed on my brakes, but...

It's all a blur.

I can't get the sounds
out of my head.

I get sick just at the
sight of a kid on a bicycle.

My heart starts b*ating;
my, my palms start sweating.

I try to avoid streets near
parks and schools, but...

I mean, I... I'll learn
how to live with this.

I don't know how,
but it'll happen.

Slowly, over time.

At least that's what
people are telling me,

and I'm, I'm
choosing to trust them.

Because I don't want
to stay in a community

where my dad is the preacher

and I'm the preacher's son.

If I'm going to get
better slowly over time,

I'd rather it be somewhere far,

away from here.

Of course, I'm going
to miss my family.

He's only been in New
York a little over a year,

but I still miss him.

Matt's about the best big
brother anyone can have.

He was always there for me,

and he's still there for me,

even though he's
away in medical school.

I still call him on the phone.

No matter how busy
he is or how tired he is,

he still calls me back.

We had an interesting discussion

about the nature of accidents.

Matt's theory is that
God looks after us

through our own consciousness.

In those moments when we're not

watching ourselves
going through life,

random acts occur,
accidents occur.

There's no reason for
them, they're just there.

A single, unwatched
moment of life.

And we're not capable
of watching ourselves

every moment, so
accidents happen.

It's a good theory.

It's the first thing that
anyone's said to me after

the accident that made
any sense or allowed me

a moment of not
feeling horrible.

She left only shortly
before Matt did.

But Mary's still
there for me, too.

We haven't had a serious
moment since we all

banded together and had
her kicked out of the house.

It's hard to have a
serious moment with her.

She's so wonderfully...

Oh, what's the word?

I'll go with "carefree."

She doesn't have
a care in the world

even though she can't
keep a job to save her life.

And she's broken
a million hearts,

and she's married a guy

that she hardly knows.

And now she's having a baby.

She's about the
happiest person I know.

And you know why?

She trusts life in every
moment of every day.

Her theory is that if you
fall off the edge of the Earth,

just keep falling.

And eventually, the
universe will embrace you,

and lift you up again.

I understand why
she thinks that.

That's been her experience.

I couldn't get Lucy out
of my life if I wanted to.

She loves me.

She'll be the sister who
writes me at school, sends me

brownies and tells me everything
that's going on in the house.

Even the stuff that I
don't want to know.

Lucy really does care
about me and everyone

in our family.

And she would
do anything for us,

as well as anything
for anyone in need.

Despite the fact that her
head doesn't always seem to be

screwed on tight and she's
often completely irrational.

Her craziness is really
all about her passion

for life and the
people in her life.

While at first glance,
she may seem like

just an ordinary person,

she extraordinarily
touching and funny.

She was the first
one to say out loud

that she was angry with Paul.

And that allowed me to be angry.

And the way Lucy explained
it, sometimes anger just gets

your mood up so you can move on.

She helped me take
me take my first little step.

I love these guys.

And because they're too
young to realize what happened

this summer and the
impact it's had on my life,

I've relied on them as an escape

from my circumstances
and depression.

They're a constant
reminder that life goes on.

And we have to do our
best, because those we love

are coming along in this world,

and in this house behind us.

I can't tell you the number
of times I've felt overwhelmed

by sadness or anger
this past summer,

only to have the two of
them do something silly,

or say something funny and
bring me back to the reality

of how lucky I am to be
alive and be in this family.

I'd feel bad about
missing the opportunity

to help look after them
over the next few years.

But I know I'm leaving
them with someone

who's going to protect
them, and teach them,

and share the miseries
and joy of being a PK.

She's going to be the hardest
to leave, and the hardest

to hang on to, because
she's Ruthie and she's ,

and she's got a boyfriend.

And while she understands
that I want to leave

the rest of the family,

she doesn't understand
how I could leave her.

But I don't think she'll
hold it against me.

She won't have the
time to hold it against me.

She's emerging from
childhood to adulthood,

full speed ahead with
thoughtful intelligence,

a great sense of humor
and a high self-esteem.

I'd like to think that I
had something to do

with how great she's
turned out so far,

and I hope to remain a
positive influence in her life.

But here's the thing: I
know she feels my pain.

We're that close.

And as hard as it is,

I really do think it's best

to put a little distance
between us right now.

Because I would
never forgive myself

if I put any rain
on Ruthie's parade.

And truthfully,

I know she'll be
just fine without me.

And that brings me to them.

My parents, my mom and dad.

They both think I'm too
young to go away to school.

Yet, in their heart of hearts,

they know I'm ready.

As the saying goes,

"They raised me right."

They're not sending
a boy into the world,

they're sending a man.

This might be
happening a year earlier

than they planned, but
I grew up this summer.

I had to.

And I'm man enough to
work through the tragedy

of an accident that
took that life of a boy

who was reckless with his life.

You see, Paul was only ,

but he was already into dr*gs.

And he was high
that night he came

speeding down the
hill on his bicycle,

the wind in his hair and
without a helmet on his head.

His older brother, Justin,
wanted to blame me.

Now, he's having to
wrestle his own demons

because Justin smokes pot.

The parents want
to blame themselves.

They think that they
did something wrong.

That they didn't
try hard enough.

That they didn't
parent well enough.

And I want to blame myself.

Because, after all, I was
the one driving the car.

But all that blaming isn't
going to change anything.

It isn't going to help anything.

He may have been only ,

but Paul was responsible
for getting high.

Sure, his brother may
have set a bad example,

maybe even gave him the pot.

But he didn't make him smoke.

He didn't make
him ride his bike.

And he didn't tell him
not to wear a helmet.

The parents made their
best efforts with Paul.

I really believe that.

Because now they're making
their best efforts with Justin.

And they're doing that

by asking me not to
be at school with him.

I'm ready to go,

because my mom and dad
prepared me from day one of my life.

They taught me all the basics:

be polite, be considerate,

treat others as you
would want to be treated,

love one another.

More specifically, say
"please" and "thank you."

Say "good morning"
and "good night."

Tell people you love
that you love them.

If you don't have
anything nice to say,

say nothing at all.

Take a shower every day.

Clean up after yourself.

Wash your face and
hands before dinner.

Be on time.

Eat your vegetables.

Wear your helmet.

Don't do dr*gs.

Don't drink and drive.

And then, there are the
more esoteric teachings, like:

everyone is doing
the best they can

for who they are at the time.

My parents have
always been there for me,

through all the rough times.

Through all my mistakes.

Every time I missed the mark,

they have been
relentless in their insistence

that I must always
try to do the right thing,

and when I don't, apologize,

make amends and move on.

They taught me about
the love of a family.

And maybe even more importantly,

they taught me about respect.

They have taught
us all to respect them,

to respect each other,

to respect other people
and to respect life itself.

Their goodness and their
faith and their kindness

comes from their beliefs.

And while I struggle to
resist being who they are

and question what they believe,

I am the son of a preacher man.

And when I leave this
house, I will have the strength

and the courage
to do the right thing

no matter what the
circumstances are,

or the challenges
I'm faced with.

Because this is the
family I come from.

And these are the two
people who brought me here.

And someday, I will
have what they have.

Because as I promised
my father in church,

I will finish high school.

I will finish college
and get my degree.

I'll start my career.

I will marry someone
I love and respect.

And we will raise our
children to be responsible,

and to make a
contribution to this world.

And I will do those
things in that order.
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