05x02 - Hollywood: Part 2

[bunniefuu]

♪ Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪

♪ Tuesday, Wednesday,
happy days ♪

♪ Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪

♪ The weekend comes,
my cycle hums ♪

♪ Ready to race to you ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- ♪ Happy and free ♪
- ♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- I Share them with me I
- S Oh, baby a'

♪ Good-bye, gray sky,
hello, blue ♪

♪ There's nothing can hold me
when I hold you ♪

♪ It feels so right
it can't be wrong ♪

♪ Rocking and rolling
all week long ♪

(organ solo plays
over rhythmic handclaps)

♪ Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪

♪ Tuesday, Wednesday,
happy days ♪

♪ Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪

♪ Saturday, what a day ♪

♪ Groovin' all week with you ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- ♪ Share them with me ♪
- ♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- I Happy and free I
- S Oh, baby a'

♪ These happy days
are yours and mine ♪

♪ These happy days are yours ♪

♪ And mine, Happy Days! ♪

RICHIE: Fonz, will you forget
about the race

with the California Kid?

YOU' Q concentrate
on YOU!' screen I ' now.

Just think, a mechanic from
Milwaukee flew all the way

out here to California
for a sh*t at stardom.

You got a chance

to be the next James Dean.

And everything hinges
on this one screen test.

Ah, well, Fonz, this is...

Fonz?

Heyyy.

Pretty good, huh?

Fonz, are you nervous?

Hey, what are you talking about,
nervous?

They're looking
for the next James Dean, right?

Who else are they gonna get?

That don't mean nothin'.

Where's the car?

Fonz! Uh, no,
see, we-we got to go in.

I'm kidding. I'm just kidding.

(Fonzie sighs)

Fonzarelli.

Oh, it's all right, sir.

He's... he's-he's testing.

Uh, he's one of the testers...

Cunningham, will you
get in here with me?

Right.

All right, where are they?

We're late now!

Bring in the James Deanses!

Good, good. It's about time.

Look what they send me.

All right, you guys,
sit on the bench.

I want to start with you.

Sit on the bench and keep quiet.

Quiet...

on the set!

What are you doing?

Oh, this is called sitting down.

Oh.

Come here. Come here.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!

Do you see...
do you see this?

Yeah.

D-I-R-E-C... mm...

...T-O-R.

Do you know what that spells?

Yeah. Dirac... tor.

Very good. Very good.

I'm the director,

and no one sits
in this chair but me.

All right, let's move fast.

I got people to meet--
big people, important people.

Where's my lemonade?

It's right here.

Ah, a new kid, huh?

Everybody's after my job.

Hey, uh, how come
we're in a hospital?

Ain't this supposed
to be a park?

Of course it's supposed
to be a park.

Where's the park?!

Come on, don't play
with those rocks.

Put 'em down.

Screen tests, screen tests.

w*r pictures, w*r pictures.

I love doing w*r pictures.

Did you ever see
Naked and the Dead?

- Oh, yeah.
- Oh, cool picture.

Wonderful movie.

They wouldn't let me do it.

They wouldn't even
let me see it.

Ah, it's my life.

The screen test actor
didn't show up today.

Hey, wait a minute, Rollo-.

Why don't you let
Richie Cunningham here do it?

Who?

Well, yeah,
I suppose that I could do it.

Uh, you see, sir,
I know the lines

because I've been rehearsing
with Fonzie.

After everybody's job, huh?

Okay, get ready!

(buzzer sounds)

Roll the cameras!

(camera whirring)

Action!

All right, Rich, take it away.

The cops are looking for you.

When are you gonna learn?

Learn. I'm learning.

It is a rough world out there,
and I'm going to get me a piece

if I have to use my bare hands
or not, dig it?

Always using your fists.

You're learning nothing, Bucko.

One of these days, your fists--

they're gonna get you
in a lot of trouble!

- That was very good, Rich.
- Oh, thanks.

(Richie clears his throat)

You want to know something
about my fists?

I'm going to the top,
and these...

these are gonna pave the way.

Oh, you're stupid, Bucko.

Heyyy!

You think you get to the top
with your fists?

It's not with your fists.

I'll tell you how
you get somewhere.

With this--
with your brain.

Yeah, that's how much you know.

You know, brains,
they don't shut up a squealer.

Brains, they don't keep
a g*ng in order.

Huh! You know what you need?
You need power!

And I'm gonna get some power!

Boy, you really do that
very well.

Thank you.

- Power!
- Yeah.

(Richie clears his throat)

You're never
gonna understand, are you?

You just will never understand.

Hey, let me
tell you something, Mel.

I ain't doing so bad.

I'm going to the top.

I'm going to the... top.

You'll probably make it...

if you live that long, Bucko.

Hey.

I'm telling you one thing.

What's that, Mel?

I'm going
to be up there with you.

Brains... and power.

Yeah.

POMPOON:
Cut!

- Print!
-(buzzer sounds)

You were wonderful!

You were fantastic!

You were stupendous!

Oh, it's going to be you and me,
babe, right to the top!

Anything that
I can do for you, just ask.

Anything! Anything!

Oh, we didn't have breakfast.
Could we have a sandwich?

You got it.

You got a sandwich,
you got anything you want.

You probably got my job.

Let's take a five-minute break.

- Yeah, sure.
- Yeah.

I'm telling you, Fonz,
you-you were really boffo.

What did you just say?

Oh, no, that's good.

It-It's a Hollywood word.

- Ah.
- Yeah.

(Richie sighs, sniffs, groans)

Mm.

(no voice)

(boat engine humming)

I can't believe it.

Our Richie.

I can. Oh!

Well, where is he?

Oh, he's down with Fonzie

practicing
for the water skiing race.

I sent Joanie down to get him.

What's up? I got to practice
driving the boat.

Oh, Richard.

Mom, what are you doing?

MARION: Oh, Richard,
lam so proud of you!

-(Marion squeals happily)
-(laughs): Yeah, that's nice.

-(Richie chuckles)
- Oh, if you knew.

Something has happened.
We just can't wait to tell you.

This is the most exciting thing.

Dad, what is going on?
I don't understand.

Marion, would you just
calm down, please?

Mother gets carried away
sometimes.

Yes. (laughs)

You see, Richard,
the studio called, and...

Marion... sit.

(Marion laughs)

The studio called to say
that they saw the screen test,

and they were very impressed
with you.

(Richie laughs)

They were... (laughs)

- They were impressed with me?
- Mm-hmm.

Oh, they were...

- You're not kidding?
- No.

- Oh...!
- Yeah, just think of it.

Your footprints in cement,
a big mansion.

Oh, Richard, now promise me
that you won't change your name.

Marion... I told you to sit!

I'll just stand over here.

All right, all right,
picture this, picture this:

Bucko Cunningham!

Oh, Howard,
he'll change his name.

Well, I just can't believe this.

L-I could really be
a movie star.

Yeah, well, they...
I think it's just terrific.

You know, they said
that they liked the screen test,

and they were very much
interested in you.

But, uh... there is something
else we have to tell you.

- Yeah?
- This is just like the movies.

They're sending over a contract.

They're sending a con...?

- There's gonna be a contract?
- Mm-hmm.

Oh, my... oh, my gosh. Oh.

Hey, hey, you know...

You know what I bet
they're gonna do?

They're gonna put Fonzie
and me in a movie together.

Wouldn't that be great?

Hey, I've even got an idea.

We could do...
we could do a film, uh,

like Rebel Without a Cause--
what a great picture.

Well, it's a little too soon
for a remake. Forget that.

Okay, we'll do a Western.
It'll be much better.

(imitating g*nf*re)

- Oh, Howard, tell him. -RICHIE:
Cut 'em off at the pass.

Rope them doggies. (whoops)

Richard...

- You still in town, Pa?
- Uh, Richard?

I thought
I told you to get out.

- Richard!
- Yeah, Dad?

They're not interested
in Fonzie.

Oh... Oh, yeah.

He's the new James Dean.

Oh, he was great
in that test, Dad.

You should have seen him.

Power!

Well, they say
that they're tired of his type.

- Tired of his type?!
- Mm-hmm.

They say you have a face that
makes people think of apple pie.

Yeah...
Yeah, I-I've heard that.

In fact, they described it

as a kind of disturbed
apple pie face.

Well, yeah, with these freckles.

Uh, you know.

That's the new trend.

Warner Brothers just signed
some kid-- what's his name?

Troy Donahue.

Well, it-it's... it's great.

It's... it's really
flattering, but...

how can they just do that
to Fonzie?

You know how excited
he was about it.

Oh, Richard, this is
a mother's dream come true.

But poor Arthur.

I feel so sorry for him.

It's going to break his heart.

And-and who's gonna tell him?

You want us to tell him?

Well, no, I...
I think I'll do it.

HOWARD:
Mm.

You want to talk about this?

No, I'm in college now;
I'll-I'll work it out.

I'll tell him.

But he's not a man
who takes bad news well.

(boat engine revving)

How am I gonna tell him?

Fonz...

Hey, friend of the stars!

Man I wanted to see.

Why don't you just tell me...

what are my rave reviews
on the, uh, screen test?

Fonz, you really...
you really skied well!

- FONZIE: Yeah. -Well, you were
a little shaky at first,

but you mastered it fast.

You know, I really think
you have a chance

at b*ating
that California Kid today.

Yeah, they say I got a gift,

but what I'm interested in
are the rave reviews on my test.

How'd that go? Tell me.

Oh, that, yeah.

Well, uh...

the film came back...

Yeah?

...and it's okay. (laughs)

You're such a kidder, huh?

What-what I want to know is,
when is my career starting?

(Richie chuckles nervously)

- You know, show biz...
- Yeah... (chuckles)

- It-It's such a crazy business.
- Yeah.

The ups... and the downs.

I can dig it, I can dig it.

The ups, the downs.

- Yeah.
- The downs.

Tell me about the downs.

(clears throat)
Well, uh,

the studio called.

I didn't get the contract.

I didn't get the contract.

Fonz...

are you okay?

Yeah, yeah.
Sure I'm okay.

We had a great trip
to California.

I still got my job, you know,
the garage in Milwaukee.

We can all go home again
together, you know.

Yeah... yeah, uh, but, Fonz...

Yeah, let's go and, uh,
win that water ski contest.

Y-You still feel like skiing,
even after the news?

Look, Cunningham, I told you,
everything is just fine.

So I'm not the next James Dean.

Why not?! Why not me?!

Well, maybe it's-it's just
because, uh...

Well, I'm not sure.

May... uh, it could be...

Wasn't I any good?

No... No, of course
you were good.

Eh.

No, you were,
you were very good.

Fonzie...

I think that-that maybe
they were just going

for a-a different kind
of a-a look.

Oh, what do they want now?

Freckles.

Well, I could paint those on.

APP“! pie face.

Well, that's you.

That's who they want.

You?

Yeah, well, they, uh...

The guys in the studio called,
and they...

they're interested in
"disturbed apple pie face."

You?!

Well, I guess they think
that that's-that's me. Uh...

You?!

It was all...
it was all an accident, Fonz.

It was just a fluke.

(Richie chuckles nervously)

You're not mad
or anything, are you?

Look, Rich...

(scoffs)

you're my best fr...

I couldn't be happier for you.

Aw, thanks, Fonz.

Hey, look, I don't know for sure
what I'm gonna do,

so don't tell
the guys yet, okay?

Oh, you got it.

Okay, I'll drive you down there.

- Let's go skiing!
- Oh, no, look, uh,

maybe Ralph should drive me.

Oh, no, no, I'm gonna drive.
Remember we talked

-just a few hours ago...
- I don't think you can drive me.

Big stars don't drive, Rich.

Besides, you don't want to get

that apple pie face
of yours wet.

I'll catch you later, big star.

Oh...

Malph, you sure you know how
to drive one of these things?

Are you kidding?
My middle name's Moby d*ck.

POTSIE:
I thought it was Hector.

- Hector?
-(all laughing)

All right, look, take me over
to the dock, will you?

Let's get over there.

All right, Fonz,
I'm gonna drive! I get to drive!

- Will you drive the boat, Malph?
- Aye, aye, sir.

- I'll make this thing
stand on end. -Yeah, right.

FONZIE:
Malph, what did you do?!

POTSIE:
Abandon ship! Abandon ship!

Fonz.

Rich, it's about time.
The race is about to start.

Nancy said you wanted
to talk to me.

I didn't say "talk." Pots?

- Yeah, Fonz? -Tell the redhead
he's driving the boat. Get in.

But, Fonz,
I thought I was driving.

Malph, you nearly drowned
a lifeguard.

Come on, Fonz,
one little mistake.

He didn't get hurt.

Tell him to make sure
the gas t*nk is full.

Yeah, but, Fonz,
Richie's standing right here.

I'm sure he heard you.

Tell him.

Uh, Rich,

- Fonz wants to make sure the...
- Potsie, I heard him.

I got ears.

(horn honks)

(girls squealing)

Hey, who's the dodo
with the California Kid?

WENDY:
That's Georgie. He's the driver.

What's with the bathrobe?
He just get up?

Oh, that--
he pretends to be Jack Benny.

What a weirdo!

I got over the Jack Benny phase
when I was .

Well... here we are.

Oh, uh, this is my driver,
Georgie.

(as Jack Benny): Hello, Fonz,
it's a pleasure to meet you.

(laughs)

That is a very beautiful
blue robe you got on.

- It matches my eyes.
-(laughter)

Well, the Fonz is ready
to match the California Kid.

Oh, that's nice, farm boy.

Uh, before I embarrass you
in front of your friends,

why don't you go move
a pile of manure?

CROWD:
Ooh . . .:!

- I just did.
-(laughter)

- Good one.
- That's great, Fonz. (chuckles)

CALIFORNIA KID:
Let's get started.

Here... I wrote down the rules
of the contest.

Listen, we go
through the course.

The one who does it the fastest,

-wins.
- Gotcha.

A neutral observer will ride
in each boat

to make sure
there's no cheating.

I pick, uh...

him.

I pick her.

(crowd oohing)

That's my girl.

Not a bad choice.

My girl doesn't observe.

Correctamundo.

I'll observe her.

(laughter)

Come on, man,
we got a race to win.

Get that junk in the boat.
Come on, shake it! Get in there!

- Come on!
- Well!

I hope Rochester doesn't hear
about this.

Hey, look out!
It's a banana peel!

(laughter)

seconds!

That's the best
he's ever done.

This could be a contest.

I just hope I can maneuver
the boat okay.

Hey, are you kidding?
Of course you can.

Movie stars can do anything.

Let's go, Rich.

(boat engine revving)

Come on, Fonz!

He almost fell!

(all cheering)

- seconds! It's a tie!
-(all cheering)

- Oh, Fonz, you were great!
- The California Kid is through!

- That looked so terrific!
- He's through, the Kid!

- We're so proud of you!
-(girls squealing)

- That was the best!
- All right, Fonz!

Is he not the greatest?

(girls chattering, giggling)

Hey, listen, I'm gonna go talk
to Cunningham, huh?

Oh, sure, Fonz, just tell me
what you want to say

-and I'll relay it.
- Alone.

Oh, okay, Fonz.

I want to tell you something,

you drove that boat
pretty good, Cunningham.

You're talking to me.

Couldn't have done it
without you.

Oh, sure, you could've, Fonz.

Hey, true.

Jesting, jesting.

It was a joke.

So, uh, you're not upset
about the, uh,

screen test and-and everything?

Let me tell you something--

I realized something about
my being a star, Cunningham.

It was never meant to be.

I mean, the fact
that you and your, uh,

disturbed apple pie face there
is gonna be famous one day

doesn't rile me at all.

As a matter of fact, it makes me
feel very good for you.

Just do me one favor.

You go out there
and you get 'em, huh?

That motor head
is making me mad.

I know, kid, but, you know,

Jenny here, who reminds me
a lot of Mary,

just told me that your worthy
opponent is afraid of sharks.

So?

So... you know
that shark caged up

-by the jumping ramp over there?
- Yeah.

Well, all you got to do
is challenge this Fonz guy

to jump over the shark, you see.

He'll back down,
and you'd b*at him

without even leaving the dock,
you see.

Gosh, I'm clever, you know?

(chuckling):
Hey...

I love it.

Go get the ramp moved.

You up for a real challenge?

The Fonz never ignores
a challenge.

We both make one jump...

any way you want.

Child's play, huh, Malph?

- Child's play.
- Right.

There's only one condition:

we jump an obstacle.

Well, let's make it something
big, you know, like your head.

-(laughter)
- RALPH: Good one!

Oh, it's big, all right.

It's the shark.

That's stupid.

Why would somebody
want to jump a shark?

Are you chicken?

(chuckles)
The Fonz, chicken?

Absurd! Absolutely absurd!

The Fonz will accept
your challenge.

Hold it, Malph, hold it!

We're talking sharks here.

Hey, man, you're not afraid
of a little shark, are you?

- Well, how little?
- Of course the Fonz isn't afraid

of a little shark.
The Fonz knows no fear.

Right, Fonz?

- Yeah, yeah...
- See?

The Fonz is gonna jump
that shark.

Oh, I love sharks!

Ooh, a real shark!

Ooh, Fonzie, Fonzie!
You gonna do it?

Yeah, yeah, of course
I'm gonna do it.

(girls squeal, laugh)

(quietly):
A real shark.

I hope it's female.

♪ Good-bye, gray sky,
hello, blue ♪

♪ There's nothing can hold me
when I hold you ♪

♪ It feels so right,
it can't be wrong ♪

♪ Rockin' and rollin'
all week long ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- ♪ Happy and free ♪
- ♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- I Share them with me I
- S Oh, baby a'

♪ These happy days
are yours and mine ♪

♪ These happy days are
yours and mine, Happy Days! ♪