02x02 - Spacemageddonocalypse

[bunniefuu]

Grr!

( : A Space Odyssey theme)

What's taking you so long?
I'm getting bored.

OK, we're fin -

(Gasps)

I know what to do.

That thing's huge!
Did I just level up?

Large asteroid
headed for home planet.

It's the end of the world!

As usual, I'm prepared. I have
a secret underground bunker.

Why didn't we know about it?

Because it's not a famous
underground bunker.

It can withstand anything.
Zombie apocalypse,

misguided people handing out
pamphlets, a robot uprising.

It's just as I left it,

pristine
and untouched by anyone.

Huh?

Come to think of it,
maybe I did know about it.

Clean this place up.
Restock the rations.

And get that moustache
off my moustache!

I have a plan.

Our planet is about to be hit
by a giant asteroid!

Come with me if you want
to pay. I mean, live.

Really? We'll be obliterated
by a giant asteroid scheme?

This asteroid is real!
W h i c h , I ' l l a d m i t ,

takes some of the joy
out of the scheme,

but you must dance
with the girl who brung ya.

- (Laughter)
- Go on, laugh.

But you won't be laughing
when you're crushed by a meteor.

That's only funny
when it happens to someone else.

Comedy , people.

I can spot anything coming at us
with my tail-o-scope.

Uh, how is a tail-o-scope
different from a telescope?

It's not.

A giant asteroid
coming to destroy us!

This is just
an alien invasion cover-up.

I hope it's the aliens who help
us, not the ones who eat us.

If my calculations are correct,

the asteroid is on
a direct course for this planet.

Oh, asteroids fly by
all the time.

What are the chances
it'll actually hit us?

- %.
- I can live with those odds.

The best move would be
to deflect the meteor -

So is it a meteor
or an asteroid?

- That's a good question.
- No, it's not.

He's just trying to distract us

so he can sell spots
in his bunker.

Our best bet
is to blow up the asteroid

and send it off
its current course.

Or we could let it hit us.
And by us,

I mean those who've not paid
to live in my bunker.

I suggest we have everyone jump
at the same time

and throw our planet
off its orbit.

Tails should figure this out
by himself.

In the meantime, I'll hide
in Eggman's secret bunker.

I was just going
to suggest that myself.

I'm gonna be rich!

You know, money will be useless
if there's no civilization.

I'm now basing my decision
on who is most bunker-worthy.

Each of you must write
a one-page essay

on why you deserve to be saved.

Can it be double-spaced?

It's no use.
I can't figure this out.

Huh!

- Wait a minute.
- Can't I still look my best?

That's it! We can use mirrors to
aim solar rays at the asteroid.

The heat
will bump it off course.

We just need lots of mirrors.

This is either a mirror

or the portal
to a parallel universe,

where my evil twin is trapped.

Be gone, evil Sticks!

Ready, aim, fire!

There's too much space debris
between us and the meteor.

I can't sh**t it from here.

Is there a hyphen
in bunker-worthy?

These essays are awful!

Looks like my evil scheme
to underpay teachers

came back to bite me. Cubot,
go and have them draw straws.

Maybe I should pick
someone I hate.

With Sonic gone
I'll need a new nemesis.

I like the bendy one!

Our only choice
is to sh**t it from space.

We'll have to borrow
Eggman's rocket.

He'll never let us use it.
He wants the asteroid to hit.

Unless...

Thank you.

Congratulations!
You're my five finalists.

The rest, go home to your doom.

Aw!

(Whispers)

What's the meaning of this?

You have to follow
parking regulations,

even in the middle
of the jungle.

OK, ground control,
I'm ready for my mission.

Um, Sonic,
we think Knuckles should go.

What? No way!

He's the only one strong enough
to lift the machine.

But how often do I get
to literally save the world?

According to the TV listings,
about once a week.

Sacrificing your glory
for the common good

- is also very heroic.
- OK,

then I guess then Knuckles and I
will both be heroes.

But I'm the hero going
into space to save the day.

Knuckles, the Solar Convergence
Device or, as I like to call it,

the Solar Convergence Device,

has been loaded
into the Eggrocket.

When it comes up
alongside the asteroid

you'll have to activate
the Solar Convergence Device.

Tails, we don't have
a lot of time here.

- Can you shorten the name?
- Fine. The SCD.

- The what?
- The SCD.

- The what?
- The SCD.

- The Solar Convergence Device.
- Oh. Why didn't you say so?

You'll need to activate it,

then get away from the asteroid
as quickly as possible.

- Got it.
- The first step

is to set the calibration lever
to degrees.

What's the opposite of "got it"?

It's OK.
I wrote it down for you.

With pictures.

(Dramatic music up)

Knuckles, the asteroid
is about to crash into us.

- You need to hurry!
- Oh, sorry.

I was trying to be dramatic.

Knuckles,
as you approach the asteroid,

its magnetic interference will
disrupt radio communication.

Think he'll be able to do this?

As long as he has this list.

Uh-oh. What did I give Knuckles?

Milk, tomatoes,
tail conditioner...

These instructions are
more complicated than I thought.

I'll just have to wing it.

Miaow!

What are you... ?

Oops!
That's seven years bad luck.

But who gets it,
me or the machine?

That worked out well for me,

except the asteroid
is headed for the planet

and I'm all alone in space.

Looks like I'm gonna have to
do this the old-fashioned way.

- Computer, open the doors.
- I'm sorry, Knuckles.

I'm afraid I can't do that.

Looks like I'm gonna have to
do this the old-fashioned way.

I'm sorry to do this to you,
asteroid,

but I've got a lot of friends
on that planet.

Aaah!

Whoa! Aaah!

Knuckles should have been
back in radio range by now.

It should've been me.

Knuckles, can you hear me?

Yeah!

- Hey, Tails?
- Knuckles! You made it!

Did my Solar Convergence Device
work?

It kinda broke.
But, being a hero,

I took care of the asteroid.
Smashed it to bits.

Knuckles, all those pieces are
gonna come crashing down on us.

Yeah! I mean...
Oh, that's terrible.

Eggman's rocket sent back
some great pictures.

I can't believe Knuckles
landed on the asteroid.

Me neither. That was obviously
sh*t on a soundstage.

Knuckles went to space, but
I kept pieces of the asteroid

- from destroying us.
- I counted pieces.

I call top bunk.