02x01 - The K.O. Kid

[bunniefuu]

[theme song]

♪ Maybe the world is blind

♪ Or just a little unkind

♪ Don't know

♪ Seems you can't be sure

♪ Of anything anymore

♪ Although

♪ You may be lonely and then

♪ One day you're smilin' again

♪ Every time I turn around

♪ I see the girl that turns
my world around ♪

♪ Standing there

♪ Every time I turn around

♪ Her spirit's lifting me
right off the ground ♪

♪ What's gonna be

♪ Guess we'll just wait
and see ♪♪

[barks]

[instrumental music]

Class, how many of you
read chapter four

in your health books last night?

Good, because I have
some questions.

Now, who wants to go first?

Thanks, Allen.

Now, can you tell me

what is the name of
the human body's largest organ?

Uh, the Wurlitzer?

[laughing]

No.

It's the only organ
in the body

that gets goose bumps.

The skin.

That's right.

So the skin does a lot more
than just keep your insides in.

[knocking on door]

Excuse me.

Class, class.

We have a very special visitor.

Wow!

A world-famous celebrity.

[indistinct chatter]

Tell us who it is, Howard.

[imitating Howard Cosell]
Youthful scholars,

let's welcome a man
whose pugilistic prowess

has enabled him to become,
pound for pound,

the finest boxer
in the world.

The Middleweight Champion...

Marvelous...

Marvin Hagler!

[cheering]

Alright, alright.
Hi, kids.

All: Hello, Mr. Hagler.

You don't have to call me
Mr. Hagler,

it sounds too formal.

Call me Marvelous.

[laughing]

All: Hello, Mr. Marvelous.

[imitating Billy Crystal]
Marvelous, has anyone

ever told you
that you look marvelous?

Yes, they have.

Well, you do look marvelous,

and it's marvelous
to have you here.

I'm glad to be here, Mike.

I'm glad to be anywhere

where people aren't
throwing punches at me.

[laughs]

Uh...

Uh, uh, class,
Marvin is in town

training for his next fight.

[indistinct chatter]

Does anyone have
any questions for me?

What was your toughest fight?

When I told my mother that
I wanted to become a boxer.

[laughing]

Where's your championship belt?

[all gasping]

I never leave home without it.

[laughing]

I'd like to be a boxer someday,
just like you.

If you wanna train
to become a boxer,

train your mind,
as well as your body.

And if you want to make it
later on in life,

stay in school
and get a good education.

[indistinct chatter]

Marvelous, would you say that

you're the, uh,
greatest boxer in history?

Well, my mother taught me
never to tell a lie.

Yes, I am.

[laughing]

[imitating Muhammad Ali]
Hold on. Uh, just hold on.

Everybody knows

that I'm the greatest!

'Cause I float like a butterfly

and I sting like a bee.

Marvelous, you're in trouble
if you mess with pretty Ali.

[grunting]

[laughing]

Hey, Marvelous.
Hey, come on, man.

I'll treat you to some lunch
in the cafeteria.

That sounds like a thr*at.

It's alright.

- Boy, he's a great guy.
- Yeah.

What do you think?

Think I can make it as a boxer?

Only in a supermarket.

[dramatic music]

Uh-oh!

There's Moose McGurk.

Punky: She's an awful bully.

- Here she comes.
- Act casual.

Alright, you hog warts,

lunch inspection.

Get 'em out, and I mean now.

What's this?

Peanut butter
and pickle sandwich.

That's disgusting.

Sorry, Moose.

What did you call me?

Miss Moose, ma'am.

That's better, now b*at it.

Uh-huh.

What have you got, Goldilocks?

It's quiche day.

Spinach and mushrooms
with just a dash of nutmeg--

Skip the recipe.

What about this
chocolate pudding?

It's mousse, Moose.

What are you,
some kind of Twosie Goodshoes?

Don't you mean
Goody Two-Shoes?

- b*at it!
- Ah!

Hey, this bag is empty.

You see, I got so hungry
on the way to school, and...

Bye!

What have you got, Flunky?

That's Punky. And all I have
is an old, regular sandwich.

What kind?

Plain old boring
bologna and cheese.

- That's my favorite.
- Mine too!

Give me that.

How about I give you half

and I take half,
and we both sit down

and have a nice
lunch together?

I've got a better idea.

How about I take the whole thing

and you watch me eat it?

Listen, you shouldn't take
people's lunches.

You have no right.

I've got a great right.

And my left is even better.

Look, this is my sandwich.

It's not nice to steal.

"It's not nice to steal."

- Stop copying me.
- "Stop copying me."

- Moose is a jerk.
- "Moose is a jerk."

Hey, you think you're smart,
don't you?

Leave me alone.

- Yeah? Who's gonna make me?
- Stop it.

- What's the matter? Chicken?
- Am not.

- Are too.
- Am not, you big bully.

You just made the biggest
mistake of your life, Gunky.

[dramatic music]

[indistinct screaming]

Punky: Ow!

Punky: No!

Woman on TV:
I can't marry you, Dirk.

Since I regained my memory,

I've forgotten how to love.

Mrs. Johnson: Come on, Henry,
shake a leg.

Hi, Brandon.

I could've sworn
I heard that TV.

Henry, you there?

Next time, either we play
fewer holes

or I carry fewer clubs.

I told you to spring
for a caddie.

I don't throw my money around
like some people I know.

You could have played
for half-price

if you had admitted you were
a senior citizen.

Forget it, I'm not telling
anybody my age

for a lousy three bucks.

[knocking]

Hello?

Mike, why aren't you in school?

There's been a little incident.

Oh, Lord, it's Cherie.

Oh, Lord, oh, Lord, oh, Lord.

- It's not Cherie.
- Thank you, Lord!

- Then it's Punky?
- Now, calm down, Henry.

She's just been
in a little fight.

[instrumental music]

A little fight?

If you think I look bad,

get a load of my sandwich.

[instrumental music]

Punky, are you alright?

I've had better days.

Who did this to you?

Moose.

You were att*cked by a moose?

M-- Moose McGurk.

Actually, her name is Melanie

but her friends call he Moose.

What friends?

She's been taking
the kids' lunches.

Now, I tried to call her
parents about it,

but they were up in Alaska
for survival training.

I've seen her mother.

She looks like Rambo.

Now, I'm gonna talk to the
principal and see what steps

we can take to prevent
this from happening again,

because I will not teach at
a school that allows fighting.

Not without combat pay.

Let me take
a look at you, honey.

Mm.

Mm-mm.

Mm! Mm-mm.

- Oh, my heavens, what is it?
- A black eye.

- Punky...
- Take it easy, Henry.

I've raised three kids,
and everyone of 'em

got into school yard scrapes.

Punky, you know I don't
approve of fighting.

But Moose started it.

Still, you didn't have to go
along with it.

I couldn't help it,
she took my sandwich

and threw it in the trash can.

Why didn't you just walk away?

'Cause I was still
holding the sandwich.

This Moose person
sounds like a...

animal.

Henry, she challenged me
to another fight this Saturday.

Punky, I don't want you
fighting anymore.

But, Henry, I can't back down.

I don't want to hear
another word about it.

- No more fighting.
- But, Henry--

- I forbid it!
- But...

Child, go get yourself
some fresh ice.

Henry, Punky is standin' up
for something she believes in.

If you forbid her to fight,
she may lose her self-esteem.

Is she fights,
she may lose her teeth.

Well, what good is having
all your teeth

if you're ashamed
to show your face?

[instrumental music]

Brandon, how am I gonna hide
this awful black eye?

Good idea.

[knocking on door]

Henry: Punky, may I come in?

Sure, Henry.

Is that Punky Brewster
under those Foster Grants?

Yeah, it's me.

- Does your eye hurt?
- No, my eye is fine.

But the black and blue part
around is k*lling me.

You know, Punky,
I panicked this afternoon

when I saw you were hurt.

That's funny, I panicked while
I was getting hurt.

You're the most
precious thing in my life.

The thought of anything bad
happening to you

scares me to death.

It does?

Punky, I've been
remembering a time

when I had to confront
a school bully.

A brute of a boy
named Norbert Noodleman.

But everyone called him
No-Neck.

No-Neck Noodleman?

He was always...

hassling me.

He'd say,

"Look who's here,
Henry Wormymouth."

[laughing]

"Wormymouth?"

It wasn't funny then
and it isn't now.

Sorry.

Finally, I realized that

the only way to make
No-Neck stop

was to square off with him.

So I sent away for the "Charles
Atlas Guide To Bodybuilding."

Who's Charles Atlas?

He was the Arnold Schwarzenegger
of my generation.

In two weeks, I bulked up
from a -pound weakling

to a -pound
tower of determination.

Holy Macanoli!

Then the next time he had
the gall to call me Wormymouth,

I hit him with this
and then I hit with with this.

And the next thing I knew,

he was running away
with a bloody this.

Way to go, Henry!

You must have felt great.

Well, it was exhilarating
for a while,

then later I felt sad.

Why?

Because I learned that

even though
you may be justified,

it never feels good to hurt
another person.

Moose seems to get
a kick out of it.

Somebody has to stand up to her.

Ah, yes, I know.

I just wish
it didn't have to be you.

Henry,

are you unforbidding me
to fight?

I'm giving you the latitude
to make your own decision.

If you can avoid a fight,
please do.

But if you can't...

give her your best sh*t.

Thanks, Henry.

Now get some sleep.

Sweet dreams.

- Henry?
- Yes?

Do you still have that
Charles Atlas book?

I'm afraid not.

Just asking.

[instrumental music]

Brandon!

Who needs Charles Atlas
when you're personal friends

with Marvelous Marvin Hagler?

[barking]

[instrumental music]

[music continues]

Hey, Marvelous!

Not now, honey, I'm kinda busy.

I'm Punky Brewster.

I met you yesterday
at Mike Fulton's class.

Oh, yeah, sure. Hold on.
Let me wrap this up.

[instrumental music]

Hey, let's take a break.

- How's it going, Punky?
- Not too good.

Remember, yesterday when you
said if we stayed in school

and got a good education,
it would help us in later life?

That's right.

Well, if I stay in school,

I may not have a later life.

Why don't you step into
my office?

There you go.

Have a seat.

What's the problem?

This afternoon, I'm fighting
the biggest bully at school.

Alright, you're
a brave little girl.

Yeah, well, maybe could you
give me a few pointers

on how to box?

Sure.
What do you wanna learn?

Everything there is
to know about boxing,

by 'o clock.

That's a pretty tall order.

Let's see what we can do.

Hey, guys, listen up.

This little girl needs to learn
how to box in three hours.

You think you guys
can teach her?

- No.
- No way!

You think I can teach her?

- Yeah!
- Yeah!

Okay, Punky, by the time
we finish with you,

you'll be known as the KO kid!

Yippie!

[bell dings]

[instrumental music]

[music continues]

[music continues]

[bell dings]

[instrumental music]

Step right up!
It's the fight of the century!

Mean Moose McGurk against
Punky Power Brewster!

Every seat's a ringside seat.

All the action is yours
for only one dollar!

Hey, guys.

Punky, where have you been?

Taking boxing lessons
from Marvelous Marvin Hagler.

Wow! What did you learn?

That I can't box.

Oh, come on.
What did Marvelous say?

He said, "Punky, you can't box."

Punky, don't go through
with this.

But I have to, Cherie.

But Moose will k*ll you.

I heard she warmed up
this morning

by hittin' sides of beef.

You mean, like in "Rocky?"

Yeah, only this beef
was still alive.

Okay. I'm here.

Let's get this slaughter
on the road.

Punky, you can still
call this off.

No way.

Somebody's got to
stand up to her,

or she will keep picking
on you and you

and every other kid
in our school.

[instrumental music]

- Punky's so brave.
- Yeah.

I'm really gonna miss her.

Okay, Moose.

I'm ready!

Don't worry,
this won't take long.

[clamoring]

Take my advice, twerp.

Stay down before you get hurt.

No way.

Every time you push me down,
I'm gonna get back up.

And I'm gonna
keep getting back up

until you stop
picking on people.

Every time you take
somebody's lunch,

you're gonna have to
go through me to get it.

Now, are you willing
to do that

every day for the rest
of your life?

Sure.

Hold it, Moose.

After you go through Punky,

you're gonna have to
go through me.

Okay.

After you go through Cherie,

you're gonna have to
go through...

Allen.

Right!

And me, too.

Yeah!

[clamoring]

No fair.
I can't fight all of you.

Well, that's what
you're gonna have to do

if you keep acting like a bully.

[clamoring]

What do you say, Moose?

Look, a duck!

[laughing]

Ladies and gentleman,
the Littleweight Champion

of the fourth grade,
Punky Brewster!

[cheering]

All: Punky Power!

Punky Power!

[theme music]