05x22 - My Favorite Orkan

[bunniefuu]

♪ Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪

♪ Tuesday, Wednesday,
happy days ♪

♪ Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪

♪ The weekend comes,
my cycle hums ♪

♪ Ready to race to you ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- ♪ Happy and free ♪
- ♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- I Share them with me I
- S Oh, baby I

♪ Good-bye, gray sky,
hello, blue ♪

♪ There's nothing can hold me
when I hold you ♪

♪ It feels so right
it can't be wrong ♪

♪ Rocking and rolling
all week long ♪

(organ solo plays
over rhythmic handclaps)

♪ Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪

♪ Tuesday, Wednesday,
happy days ♪

♪ Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪

♪ Saturday, what a day ♪

♪ Groovin' all week with you ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- ♪ Share them with me ♪
- ♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- I Happy and free I
- S Oh, baby I

♪ These happy days
are yours and mine ♪

♪ These happy days are yours ♪

♪ And mine, Happy Days! I

Happy Days is filmed
before a studio audience.

♪ Too late, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ Too late,
ooh, ooh ♪

♪ Too bad, ooh, ooh... ♪

I still don't know
why Richie had to stay up

all night studying--
I mean, it was only a quiz.

He wants to keep
his grade average up.

He doesn't want to get a

What do you mean?
For a "C,"

I'd sell my grandmother
to the gypsies.

I like your grandmother.

- Yeah, Tillie's all right.
- RICHIE: Hey! Guys!

Guys, come here!
Come on, come on!

- What?
- Outside. I saw...

Up in the sky!
It was fantastic!

It's a flying saucer!
Come on, you got to see it!

- It's great! Come on, everybody!
- POTSIE: Flying saucer?

(Snaps fingers)

(Snaps fingers)

This never happened
to me before.

(Snaps fingers)

Yeah, Fonz?

Oh... it's getting worse!

Now I'm getting chubby men!

Boy, I don't care
if he is our best friend,

-he's cracking up!
-(laughter)

What do you mean?
What's cracking up?

Who's cracking up?
What's going on here?

I think Richie's wah, wah, wah
has gone woo, woo, woo.

(laughter)

POTSIE:
Hey, Rich! Rich, tell Fonz.

I dare you.

- Yeah, yeah, tell him, nutso.
-(laughter)

All right, hold it, stop.
That's enough.

I don't want to hear nothing
about my buddy Richie.

'Cause what he says,
you believe.

You think that
this face right here lies?

Fonz, I just saw
a flying saucer.

Hey, what are you, nutso?

- Did you see any
little green men? -(laughter)

Look, look,
the man's obviously overtired.

Too much studying.
You better get some sleep, Rich.

I'm telling you,
I saw a flying saucer.

Uh, Rich,
this happens all the time

to people that
live humdrum lives.

- Humdrum? -Yeah. When you
got nothing else going

in your life, your brain
kind of exaggerates, you know?

Now, wait a minute,
I'm not humdrum.

I may be a little tired,
but I... I'm not humdrum.

You're not humdrum, huh?
What do you do with your nights?

All right, fine.
I-l come home,

- I eat dinner...
- Yeah.

- Do my homework...
- Yeah.

Watch a little TV,

uh, Friday nights
I play basketball,

Saturday nights I go on a date,
Sunday nights I rest.

OTHERS:
Humdrum!

- Anybody home?
-(clicks on TV)

(music, whooping,
g*ns f*ring on TV)

"Richie, your father
made us go to the movies

"before the prices change.

"I left you a cold fish plate.

Love, Mom."

Ugh. Cold fish
and soggy French fries.

(groans)

Well, here I am...

eating leftovers, watching TV.

I don't know,
maybe I am humdrum.

(knocking)

Oh. Come in.

(high-pitched voice
speaks alien language)

Uh...

hi, Ralph.

Great Alvin the chipmunk
imitation.

Now, come on in and sit down.
I'm trying to watch this show.

(high-pitched voice
speaks alien language)

(high-pitched):
Boop...!

Good evening, earthling.

You're not Ralph.

(speaks alien language)

Now, wait a minute,
a-are you...

I was right! You're...

Did you say... "earthling"?

(speaks alien language)

Are you an alien?

-(high-pitched): Ah.
- All right, put 'em up!

- Boop...!
- Yeah, right, cancel that.

Right, now, just, uh...

just-just take it easy,
all right?

I mean, just-just stay...
very calm, because, uh...

I come in peace.
No, no, you're the one.

You-you come in peace. I...

Look, will you just calm down?
Calm down for one second!

Relax, earthling.
I mean you no harm.

Oh.

Sure. How am I supposed to know?

(speaking alien language)

What do you do, do you just, uh,
use that to scare people with?

No, keeps rain off my head.

Are you Richie Cunningham?

Oh, yeah.
Yeah, th-that's me.

- Is this your house?
- Uh-huh.

Eh-eh, eh-eh.

Wait a minute, who are you?

I am Mork from Ork.
(speaks alien language)

(speaks alien language)

A-And those guys
said I was crazy.

Hey, hey, I just...

I... I got the best idea.
I want to show those guys, see?

Will you come down
to Arnold's with me?

-(speaks alien language)
- Oh.

Right, right.

Hey, if you're Mork from Ork...

then I got
a tremendous scoop here!

- Scoop?
- Uh, story.

News story.
Uh, look, would you mind

if I just ask you
a few questions?

Fire away, bucko.

Bucko. That's great.

- Okay, would you just
mind having a seat? -Seat?

- Yes.
-(speaking alien language)

Mork, you...

you know my nickname,
you know where I live--

you don't even know how to sit?

See, you just...
you put your, uh... down.

Oh. (speaks alien language)

-(beeping, whirring)
- Ah...

Good.

Okay, your name is, uh, Mork,

and you come
from the planet Ork.

Ever been to New York?
(chuckles)

Just a little Earth humor.

Oh, humor.

(loudly):
Ah, ah!

(laughs):
That's it.

All right.

What is that yellow stick?

Oh, this is just a pencil.

Uh, oh, it's what we use
to write with. What do you use?

I use this. I can also use it
as a w*apon to immobilize you.

- Not now. (chuckles)
-(sighs)

I can also point with it.
I can scratch with it.

I can call people with it.
Hey, you, come here.

Unique, isn't it?

What is the purpose
of your visit to Earth?

Purpose. Recall.

(beeping, sputtering)

Ah. I am here on your planet
to collect specimens

for assembling on our planet.

- No kidding?
-(speaks alien language)

Anybody in particular?

Yes.

What, the president?!

Oh, no, no, no,
not in Milwaukee. Uh...

Are you gonna take Hank Aaron?

Hank Aaron? (imitates bat
cracking, cheering) No, no.

He is too famous.

We would have to trade
the entire planet for him.

- Oh. -What we need
is someone average.

Humdrum.

I know somebody humdrum.

RICHIE:
No, no, I-I can't go.

I... Well, I can't
just leave like that.

Oh, it will
only take an instant.

I'll bring you right back.

Just an instant?

(beeps)

-I-I'll be back, just like that?
-(snaps fingers)

Zabadee.

- Just a zabadee?
-(speaks alien language)

All right.
All right, what could it hurt?

- I'm gonna go. I...
- Ah.

All right, I-l got
to get some clothes.

Uh, what do the men wear on Ork?

Uh, same thing
our females do. Nothing.

Females wear nothing?

- Mm.
- What do they look like?

- Ee-ee, ee-ee.
- Oh.

Would you like to see
a picture of me and my girl?

Yeah. Sure.

Deebee.

Oh, uh... which one is you?

- Can't you tell?
- No.

- That's why we don't bother
with clothes. -Oh.

All right, uh... no clothes.

So, I got to get a camera,
all right?

And, uh, some film.

I need more paper
and some pencils.

See, I can't do that
with my finger the way you can.

- Pity.
- Yeah.

Would you mind if I just went
to my room and got that stuff?

-(speaking alien language)
- Oh, fine. Thanks a lot.

Oh, uh, listen,
just make yourself comfortable.

You got the TV there.

Oh, well, you broke that.

No. Can repair instantly.

(beep, music plays on TV)

- Oh, very good!
-(speaks alien language)

All right, and you got some food
there, too, all right?

Food? Ah, fidba. Yay.

(muttering)

Needs salt.

MAN (over TV): We return
to The Andy Griffith Show

after these messages.

I like that boy, Opie.

Why does an Earth boy have
a Martian name, though?

(indistinct voices on TV)

- Well, I didn't like it.
- I liked it. I liked it.

- No, I didn't like it.
- Well, it was so-so.

It wasn't worth
the full price ticket.

MARION:
Oh, my.

Well, hello. Uh, you must be
a friend of Richard's.

(grunts softly)

Oh, I'm Howard Cunningham,
Richard's father,

and this is Mrs. Cunningham
and our daughter Joanie.

- JOANIE: Hi.
- I am Mork from Ork.

Oh, thank you.

Oh, I... Yes, O-R-K.

- MORK: O-R-K.
- Yes.

Well, Richard pledged A.T. .

He didn't have a suit like that.

- MORK: Oh.
- No. They stuck feathers on him.

I like feathers,
but I find them fattening.

Oh, brother.

He's another Ralph Malph.

Uh, won't you make yourself
comfortable?

Oh, thank you.

Uh, well, I think
I'll just turn off the TV set.

(high-pitched beeping)

Jiminy Crickets,
there goes the TV again!

Oh, dear.

Uh, would you like something
to drink?

Do you have any Pingee?

MARION:
Pingee?

It is a soft drink on Ork.

Comes in five delicious flavors:

Taz, Mah, Sheezba, Baba
and Shishwannee.

Well, Mom, why don't you get
a case of Shishwannee?

No, dear, it gives you cavities.

Cavities.

(loudly):
Ah, ah, ah, ah!

(stifled grunting)

I don't believe
what I'm hearing.

(loudly): Richard, will you come
down here right away, please?

Oh, Dad.

Oh, Mom, good,
I'm glad you're here.

Oh, a lot has happened
since the last time I saw you.

I mean, I... well, I don't even
know where to start.

I know where to start.

You'll start with him.
Where did you find him?

- Yeah, where did he come from?
-(overlapping chatter)

What kind of man
did you bring in...?

(high-pitched):
Boop...!

Why did you do that?

He drew first.

Well, are they gonna be
all right?

The effects wear off very soon.

(low humming)

Now we must hurry.
We do not have much time.

All right. Okay, I just want
to make some, uh, sandwiches

for the trip, okay?

Do you have some of that
Earth delicacy, baloney?

Uh, baloney? Well,
I-I'm not sure, but I'll check.

We need it for fuel.

Uh, how long are
we gonna be gone, anyway?

Uh, about a bleem.

Uh, a-a bleem.

Okay, well how long
would that be in Earth time?

- You know, a day, a week...
- Uh, Earth time.

(electric beeping)

, years.

Stop, Earth specimen.

-(high-pitched): Eep!
-(pulsing)

Shazbot, I missed.

No one has ever
escaped from Mork.

Think humdrum.

Humdrum, humdrum, humdrum.

(pulsing)

RICHIE: Fonz, I got to talk
to you; it's life and death.

What's up?

Fonz, a guy's after me.

Mork from Ork.

I don't know him;
must be from the east side.

No, no, no east side.

I mean this is, uh,

north through the Milky Way
and hang a right.

It's a spacemen, Fonzie,
and he's after me.

He's...

A spaceman after you?

What does he want with you?

Because I'm average.

- I told you.
- Yeah, I know.

You're right.
He said I'm humdrum,

-and that's why he wants me.
- Yeah.

He wants to take me
in his spaceship.

Oh, make sure you get
a, uh, window seat.

(laughs)

Fonz, I'm not joking
around here.

Yeah, it must be serious, 'cause
why else would you tempt fate?

That's right, it's serious.

He wants to take me
away for a bleem--

that's , years.

Mr. Cunningham, you are
holding on to my jacket.

- Well, what should I do?
- Let go of my jacket.

Hey, that's much better.

Now, because you're a friend
of mine, I'll check him out.

- Oh, thanks.
- Yeah. A bleem, huh?

- , years.
- Get out of here.

♪ John Jacob
Jingleheimer Schmidt ♪

♪ His name is my name, too ♪

POTSIE:
♪ Yes, it is ♪

- ♪ Whenever we go... ♪
-(pulsing)

Whoa!

Oh, wait.

Fonz, hey.

Fonz, you see,
it's that finger of his.

- Hey...
- He just points it once,

and Wham, bam,
good-bye Cunningham.

You ain't whistling Dixie.

Hey, uh, partner,
that is some finger there

you're packing, huh?

Now, maybe we can work this out,
just you and me, you know?

What is there to work out?

It is settled.
Come along, specimen.

Uh, wait a minute,
let me tell you something.

You ain't taking my buddy here.

You got to get through me first.

Oh, splendid. A Holitacker.
I love a Holitacker.

What is a Holitacker?

In your language, specimen,
it is a challenge.

If your champion defeats me,
you do not have to go with me.

All right,
let me get this straight.

If I win, you don't take
the specimen here.

You read me, creature.

Creature? You want to rumble?

Rumble?
♪ Da, da, da, da, da. ♪

That is a Holitacker.
Let us make it official.

(imitates a high-pitched horn)

(imitates roaring crowd)

Then we must introduce
the local celebrities.

(speaking high-pitched
alien language)

Can we get on with this, now?

Anytime you're ready.

I have been challenged on
planets. I am undefeated.

So am I.

Yeah, that's right.

Fonzie's never lost
a Holitacker yet.

Yeah, and we got
the home planet advantage.

Just count to three,
then, specimen.

All right.

Get him, Fonz.

One, two, three!

Eep! No contest.
Let's go, specimen.

Wait a minute.
Fonzie, he can't just...

Well...

Oh, Fonz, I'm sorry.

I guess the finger
was just too much.

Oh.

So long, buddy.

Let's go.

Hey, wait a minute, wait.

Look at his thumb.

See what he's doing
with his thumb?

Impossible. This has
never happened before.

Yeah, well, you never ran up
against the Fonz before, bucko.

Aaayyh.

So, at last, a worthy opponent.

(buzzes)

(electric crackling)

RICHIE:
Oh, what a great story.

Fonzie's thumb saving us
from that deadly alien finger.

- Uncle.
- Yeah.

Would you like to try
for the next plateau?

Anything you say, Jack.

- Can you do this'? Esp!
{puking

(rock and roll music starts)

-(thump)
-(music stops)

- Eep!
-(music starts)

-(thump)
-(music stops)

- Eep!
-(music starts)

-(thump)
-(music stops)

- Eep!
-(thumping)

All right, all right,
it's a draw! It's a draw!

The jukebox was a draw.

Can your champion
do this, specimen?

- Eep!
-(pulsing)

Aha.

(blows)

Good going, Fonz.

So you want a good one.

Watch this.

Eep!

Nee-nee, nee-nee,
nee-nee, nee-nee.

Now, try this.

(high-pitched tone, pulsing)

(screams)

No, wait, Fonz. No, not her.

All right, all right.

(Snaps fingers)

Interesting.

- Eep.
-(pulsing)

- All right, I'll give you
that one. -FONZIE: Yeah.

How about a little
target practice, then?

(grunts)

- Eep!
-(bell dings)

.Eep! -(bell dings)

- Eep!
-(bell dings)

(Snaps fingers)

(bell dings)

-(snaps fingers) -(bell dings)

.(snaps fingers)
-(bell dings)

(rapid snapping, dinging)

You give up now?

Nothing can top this.

I put my two fingers together,

and the entire
building collapses.

-(hums) -Hey, wait a minute,
wait a minute!

What are you talking about,
the whole building collapses?

It's fantastic-- screams,
Technicolor, everything.

What about the people
in the building?

Wrecks them pretty bad,
kills a few, too.

Well, you're in here,
too, you know.

That's part of the fun.

Must be a pretty tough bugger.

No, not a question of toughness.

I am protected by a stellar
force field. Watch.

-(buzzes)
-(mouthing words)

Xbuzzes)
.see?

-(humming) -Fonzie, you can't
let him collapse the building.

All right, all right, ho,
whoa, whoa, whoa, stop.

Just stop.

You admit defeat?

Yeah, all right, you w...

You w...

- Tell him.
- Win.

Yeah.

Good.

I'll go peacefully.

No, not necessary.

This is the best contest
I've had in bleems.

The only reason I won
is because your champion

cared about
his earthling friends.

Funny thing, this warmth.

We don't have it on Ork.

We tried it once
a long time ago. Didn't work.

Overpopulation.

Now I must leave
your planet Earth.

But I tip my kripla to you, sir.

(squeaks)

You're telling me that, uh,

you're not taking
my pal here, right?

Well, I tip
my krila to you, too.

(monotone squeak)

Thank you.

Thank you for not taking me.

Oh, I'm not taking you,
I'm taking him.

Hey, get out of here.

-(high-pitched tone)
-(pulsing)

We need a new champion on Ork.

We must now enter the time warp.

(deeply, slowly): We must now
enter the time warp.

Hey, wait! No, wait!

You're not taking Fonzie.

No, I can't let you do... do it!

Why are you taking him?

You don't...
I mean, he's very...

Fonz, don't let him
take you like that.

Please, Fonzie, don't let him!
You could stop him!

(deeply, slowly):
Whoa.

Fonzie?

Fonz!

Oh.

Don't take him! No, please!

Please, don't take the Fonz!

No, please don't take Fonzie!

- Please!
- Richard?

- I'll get you some baloney!
- Richard, wake up.

- If you want baloney, I'll...
- Wake up, son.

What? What?

Oh, you'd better
go on up to bed, dear.

You fell asleep
on the couch. Come on.

No, wait, see, I-l...

I came home right after
I saw the flying saucer.

(laughs) Another crackpot.

A lot of people
thought they saw it.

It was a weather balloon.

We heard it on the radio
on the way home.

Oh, but this was so real.

And then... and then
he came down here,

and he wanted to take me,
but no.

No, see, I escaped to Arnold's.

And then... and then,
he and Fonzie were dueling.

Mork and the Fonz,
and it was a... you know,

the g*n versus the thumb
and the finger, and... (buzzes)

- It must have been some dream.
- It was.

- Good night, Richie.
- Good night, Richard.

Such a cute dream, dear.

You have such
a good imagination.

But, uh...

When I was your age,
I used to dream about girls.

I'll tell you one thing.

I'll settle for humdrum
any day, now.

- Good night, Richard.
- Night.

(knocking)

Oh, don't worry, I'll get it.

(sighs)

Uh, excuse me, um...

Mark'. You're Mark'.!

Dad, Dad, he's...
This is Mork!

HOWARD:
Good night, Richard.

Yeah, but he's gonna
take me away!

Don't you care? If you...

All right, fine, you don't care.

I'll be gone for about a bleem.

MARION:
Wear something warm.

RICHIE:
Let's go.

Oh, that's all right.
I was lost.

I was looking for directions
to highway , but that's okay.

- No, but you're...
- I'll just...

I'll just close the door
real slow.

No loud noises, okay?

Hey, uh, what'd you get
on the Spanish quiz, Ralph?

I passed.

Well, I got a B-plus.

You see, now that's why
I stay up all night studying.

I flunked. But I'm well-rested.

Okay, everybody, closing time.

Everybody out!

Hey, guys. guys!

O-Outside, you won't
believe what I just saw!

- Another flying saucer.
-(laughs)

Better. The Hooper triplets
got new sweaters.

- Come on, everybody, let's go!
- All right!

That's the fastest
I've ever closed.

- ♪ Happy and free ♪
- ♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These happy days
are yours and mine ♪

♪ These are such Happy Days! ♪

♪ Good-bye, gray sky,
hello, blue ♪

♪ There's nothing can hold me
when I hold you ♪

♪ It feels so right,
it can't be wrong ♪

♪ Rocking and rolling
all week long ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- ♪ Happy and free ♪
- ♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- I Share them with me I
- S Oh, baby I

♪ These happy days
are yours and mine ♪

♪ These happy days are
yours and mine, Happy Days! ♪