03x05 - Beer and Buffalos Don't Mix

[bunniefuu]

[theme song]

♪ Maybe the world is blind

♪ Or just a little unkind

♪ Don't know

♪ Seems you can't be sure

♪ Of anything anymore

♪ Although

♪ You maybe lonely

♪ And then one day
you're smilin' again ♪

♪ Every time I turn around

♪ I see the girl
who turns my world around ♪

♪ Standing there

♪ Every time I turn around

♪ Her spirit's lifting me
right off the ground ♪

♪ What's gonna be?

♪ Guess we'll just wait
and see ♪♪

[instrumental music]

Betty, be honest.

How do I look?

[laughs]

I'll try again.

Betty, be diplomatic.
How do I look?

[laughing]

I am tired of you belittling

the Benevolent Order
of Buffaloes.

I'm proud to be a BOB.

Well, I'm proud to be a Betty,
but I don't walk around

with a animal on my head.
[laughing]

[barking]

Why have I been summoned,
Your Imperial Hornyness?

[laughing]

[sighs]
Mrs. Johnson,

when you regain your composure,

we'll discuss
the Annual Buffalo Fundraiser.

Are you gonna want me
to sell Buffalo kisses again?

Yes, but this year

we'll see if we can get them
to pay you.

Actually, we needed a nurse,

so I volunteered your services
for our blood-pressure station.

Fine, I'm curious to see

if you BOBs
have any blood pressure.

[laughs]

Maintain that attitude

and your dance card will be
empty at the Bison Bop.

- The Bison Bop?
- Yes.

That's when we really let down
our horns.

[laughing]

[instrumental music]

[sighs]

- Were you scared?
- Is geography boring?

I was terrified!

I could smell the beer
on his breath.

The next time Mr. Deaton offers
me a ride, I'm walking.

Same here.
He shouldn't have been driving.

But he's Joey's dad.

And we can't tell an adult
what to do.

I think it's a federal law.

I'll tell Henry.

He'll know what to do.
He's always sensible.

Well, most of the time.

Nice hat. What do you feed it?

[laughing]

Did you tell her to say that?

No, but I wished I had.
[laughing]

Come on, Cherie,
and step carefully.

We're in buffalo country.

[laughs]

Henry, there's something
really important

that I wanna talk to you about.

You've finally decided
to become a junior Bisonette.

I'm not quite ready
for that yet.

Oh. Okay.

What I have to talk to you about

is real important, too.
This afternoon...

[knocking on door]

- Hello!
- Hello!

Henry: Mike!
- Henry, old buddy.

Put 'em there, old pal.

Hoof to hoof.
Horn to horn.

Ixnay, Henry-ay...

Not in front of the uninitiated.

Oops. Sorry, kids.

If an elder bison saw us,
we could lose our horns.

You jumped out of the car
so fast, you forgot your jacket.

Punky, did you tell your dad
about your ride home today?

Uh, I was just going to.

A little crazy, wasn't it?

A little.

Henry, I am breaking in

a brand, spanking-new
red convertible.

I couldn't resist
letting it out.

- Vroom!
Henry: Ah...

Will you take me for a spin
sometime?

What about right now?

We could all
burn a little rubber

around the neighborhood.

- No.
- No?

Not right now, okay?

No problem.
We'll cruise later in the week.

Come on, Joey.

- You can drive home.
- No kidding?

Well, I'll let you
honk the horn.

Got you, son. Got you again.
[chuckles]

Isn't he a great guy?

It sounds like
you really like him a lot.

Oh, yes. He's young, energetic,
full of life.

I'm old, tired, full of prunes.

Hm. Mike makes me feel
years younger.

Now, what was that you wanted
to talk to me about?

Uh...
Oh...

- Nothing.
- Nothing?

You said it was very important.

It is important,
it's important

that I try on your buffalo hat.

How do I look?

By George!

That is a silly hat.

[instrumental music]

Henry and Mr. Deaton
are such good friends.

And after he left, I just didn't
feel right saying anything.

Wise move.

You don't want to get a grown-up
mad at you,

especially, a drunk one.

But I'm worried about Joey.

His dad drives him around
all the time.

You think I should talk to Joey
about this?

I don't know, Punky.

Don't worry, I'm pretty good
at that honesty stuff.

Remember when I gave
our gym teacher a breath mint?

Yeah. She made you do
extra sit-ups.

Punky: Right,

but I didn't have to hold my
breath while I was doing them.

I still think it's a mistake.

Don't worry. Joey'll understand.

He's part
of our Just Say No club.

And if we don't say anything
and he gets hurt,

it'll be our fault.

You're absolutely right.

Good luck.

Good luck nothing.
You're coming with me.

- Couldn't I just say no?
- No.

[sighs]

[instrumental music]

- Hi, Joey.
- Hi.

Your mom said we can come up.

She also said to stop
sweeping things under your bed.

So what's up?

Punky wants to talk to you
about your dad.

What about my dad?

Well, yesterday
he was driving kind of funny.

And I could smell beer
on his breath.

Grown-ups can drink beer
if they want to.

That's part of being grown-up.

Yeah, but you're not supposed
to drink and drive.

Look, my father knows
what he's doing.

Besides, who d*ed and made you
the road warrior?

I just thought the drive home
yesterday was a little scary.

Cherie, were you scared?

Uh, only when my eyes were open.

You see?

Look,
little Miss Goody Two-shoes,

you're lucky
we gave you a ride at all.

I'm not saying anything
against your father.

- I was just worried about you.
- Me?

Worry about yourself
and that b*at-up old heap

Mr. Warnimont drives!

If he really cared about you,
he wouldn't drive you around

in that hunk of junk.

My father wouldn't do anything
to hurt me.

Not on purpose, but maybe
if he had too much to drink.

Maybe you ought to mind
your own stupid business!

You're just jealous.
At least, I have a real dad.

You probably don't even know
who your real dad is!

I don't want to ever talk
to you again. b*at it!

[door shuts]

[instrumental music]

[knocking on door]

- Mike!
- Hey, Henry.

Gah!
[laughs]

I am as dry
as the proverbial bone.

What's in the old watering hole?

- You got any brewskies?
- No, but I have iced tea-skies.

You and Grandma Moses.

[scoffs]

Mike, I asked you to come over

because Punky and Joey
have had some kind of a fight.

I know, Joey won't tell me
what it's about,

but he is really down on Punky.

Punky wouldn't say, either,

but I could tell that
it was really bothering her.

How about if we pile 'em
into my new convertible tomorrow

and drive 'em out
to Six Flags Amusement Park?

We'll throw 'em on a couple
of rides, shake 'em up,

they'll be friends
together again in no time.

Oh, that's a good idea.

I was gonna treat them
to an afternoon of Puccini.

We'll do that later.
Joey loves Italian food.

- Hi, Punky.
- Hello, Mr. Deaton.

Put on your party sneakers, kid.

We're gonna have some fun
tomorrow.

- So long, Henry.
Henry: Bye, Mike.

"Party sneakers?"

Mr. Deaton and I thought
it would be really fun

to go to Six Flags tomorrow.

- Just the two of you?
- Of course not.

[chuckles]
With you and Joey.

Mr. Deaton will take us
in his new convertible.

I don't know, Henry.

Wouldn't Puccini be more fun?

Punky, when I mentioned
Puccini before,

you went...

That meant
I was starved for opera.

Punky, what is going on here?

[sighs]
I'm afraid to be in a car

that Mr. Deaton's driving.

Afraid? Why?

Because of the last time.

Remember when he drove
Cherie and me home from school?

Yes.

He'd been drinking beer
and he drove real crazy.

It scared us.

Did you actually
see him drinking?

Uh, no. I could smell it.

And the way he drove,
we could tell.

Punky, when you accuse people
of things,

you have to have proof.

The fact that you thought
you smelled beer isn't enough.

What you smelled
could have been new upholstery.

I know
what upholstery smells like.

This wasn't upholstery.
This was Miller time.

Maybe he was having trouble
adjusting to his new car.

- You don't believe me.
- No.

It's not
that I don't believe you, Punky.

Couldn't it be possible
that you were mistaken?

I guess anything's possible.

Well, then.

I think a good friend deserves

the benefit of the doubt. Hm?

[instrumental music]

[instrumental music]

Punky, Mike and Joey
are gonna pick us up any minute.

Are you ready to go?

I'm as ready as I'll ever be.

Punky.

I made out my will.

I left everything
to you and Brandon.

Sorry, Henry,
but he wanted my Madonna tapes.

Punky, you look ridiculous.

Speaking of ridiculous,
what about those knees?

You better wear this.
It'll give you some protection.

I am not going to wear this

and you are not gonna wear that.

[instrumental music]

[engine revving]

Pretty smart of you not to smile
all the way over here.

You didn't get one bug
in your teeth.

Oh, that's better.

Okay, now go up there
and get Punky.

- Do I have to?
- Yeah.

If you do, I'll let you ride
the roller coaster

until you throw up.

Gee. Thanks, dad.

[sighs]

[instrumental music]

Ah.

[burps]

Hey, Brandon.

How you doin' there, fella?

You thirsty? Want a cold brew?

[barks]

You want the last sip?

[whimpering]

Obviously, a light beer drinker.

Hi, Mike.

[whistling]

Hey, I'm only human.

Sorry it took so long, Mike.

Punky couldn't decide
what to wear.

Yeah, women.

You can't live with them

and you can't live with them.
[laughing]

Look at that car.

What a beauty! Isn't it, Punky?

- Nice.
- It's better than nice!

It's the greatest.

Okay, you two happy kids,
jump in the back.

Henry will ride shotgun.

You two can be
sawed off shotguns.

[sighs]

- Beer?
- Yeah.

That bud's for you, Henry.

Little early for beer,
isn't it, Mike?

The sun's up.

Okay.

Everybody, buckle up.

You ready to roll, legs?
[laughs]

[laughing]

Whoops! Heh.
I hit the wipers. Huh.

[whirring]

[laughing]

What? Oh. New car.

I gotta learn all this stuff.
Gee.

Alright, this time
we're really goin'.

[tires screeching]

[clattering]

You believe that? That trash can
jumped right out in front of me.

[laughing]

Must have had a su1c1de pact
with the garbage.

[chuckles]

Joey, jump out there
and check for damage

so we can get going.

You'll be going without us,
Mike.

- Punky, get out of the car.
- Okay, Henry.

What's wrong?

You've been drinking.
You shouldn't be behind a wheel.

Hey, hey. Hey, hey, Henry.

[scoffs]
I had one beer.

It takes more than one beer
to waterlog a Buffalo.

[inhales sharply]

Henry, come on,
get back in the car.

We're too good of friends
for this kind of bull.

Yes, we are good friends.

And for that reason,
I wish you would get out, too.

This is ridiculous!

Come on, Joey,
we'll go without 'em.

Close the door, please.

Henry!

Dad, I'm not going, either.

What is this,
mutiny on the Mustang?

It's just a trash can!

It's not the trash can, dad.
You've had too much beer.

Alright, sit down, Joey!
I'm not fooling around!

I'm sorry, dad.
I don't want to make you angry.

- But I'm walking home.
- Okay.

Let's ease up.

You wanna walk? Walk.

- Bye, Punky.
- Bye, Joey.

[engine starts]

Joey!

Wait up!

Nothing like an early-morning
walk with your son

to clear your head.

You mind if I park here?

Couldn't be happier about it.

[instrumental music]

Henry...

[sighs]
I'm sorry.

I'll see you tomorrow.

We'll deal with this together.

[chuckles]

[music continues]

- Is he gonna be okay?
- I think so.

Mike realizes he needs help.

He's lucky to have
a good friend like you.

Hm.

Punky... you did the right thing

coming to me about this.

I wish I'd been
a little more receptive.

From now on,

I want you to feel
perfectly free

to express your opinion
about absolutely anything.

- Really?
- Of course.

Then I think there is something
that should be said.

What's that?

Burn those shorts.

[instrumental music]

[theme music]