03x16 - This Spud's for You

[bunniefuu]

Well done.

- Pickle and mustard.
- Thanks.

Well done.

- The works.
- Thanks.

Well, what about me?
I'm rare.

You're not rare, you're strange.

I canceled your burger.

Well, how would you like me
to cancel your teeth?

You know how mean
I get at feedin' time.

Betty, it's time you broaden
your culinary horizons.

You've broadened
everything else.

You like sushi?

Sushi?

Who is she?

Not a who, it's a what.

Japanese delicacy.

Is it possible
to lose your lunch

before you've eaten it?

Trust me, Betty, you'll love it.

It's raw fish.

What do I look like,
Morris the Cat?

Come on, try some.

This is tuna wrapped in seaweed.

I like my tuna
wrapped in a tin can.

- Bye.
- Where are you going?

To get an American delicacy.

Two chili dogs
and an Alka-Seltzer.

Just as well.

I'm going to take my sushi

and watch a re-run of "Shogun."

♪ If you knew sushi
like I know sushi ♪♪

Oh, hi, Spud.

Hello, Mrs. Johnson.

Hey, babe.

What are you doing here,
Blugner?

I thought we'd get started
on our class project, Punky.

What class project?

The one I'm doing
on toxic waste.

Mrs. Winston said
I needed a partner.

So I picked you.

Spud, there are kids
in our school, why me?

Just lucky I guess.

I don't want to work
on waste with you.

Are you gonna
finish that burger?

I haven't even started it yet.

Good. It's cold.

- It's yours.
- Thanks.

I'll eat it
on the way to dinner.

Can I ask you girls
something personal?

- No.
- No.

Who did you girls ask
to the Sadie Hawkins dance?

- Nobody.
- Huh. Really?

Well, I haven't exactly said yes

to anybody yet.

You mean, you haven't exactly

been asked by anybody yet.

I'm saving myself
for Miss Right.

Hint, hint.

Forget it, Spud.

Cherie, who'd you ask?

Stanley Knucklebord.

You're willing
to be seen in public

with noodlenose Knucklebord?

Yeah.

And don't call him Noodlenose.

Stanley looks that way
'cause the doctor

dropped him after he was born.

Now, with me,
you get undamaged goods.

So what do you say, sweet lips?

Take me, I'm yours.

Sorry, Spud,
you're just not my type.

If my type changes,
I'll call you.

Punky, you promised you'd ask
somebody so we could double.

I know.

Maybe I can help you out here.

I think I know a guy

who you just might like.

He's macho, funny,
and get free tickets

for every concert in town.

Free tickets? Okay, you got
my attention. What's his name?

Farley.

- Farley?
- Farley?

Hey, don't judge
a dude by his handle.

Okay, what does this
Farley guy look like?

Well, he's kind of a cross
between Rob Lowe and Tom Cruise.

Only cuter.

Okay. I'll think about it.

- Get him on the phone.
- Good.

I'll go call him
from the other room.

Why not call from here?

Punky, I have to set it up.

Farley usually likes blondes.

This will take a selling job.

Cherie, I'm nervous.

How does my hair look?

- Punky, it's a phone call.
- I know.

I don't want
to sound like a mess.

It's ringing. I'll tell you
when to pick it up.

Hi, mom.
It's me, Farley.

Listen, I think I left
my history book down

in the laundry room.

Would you go check it out?

Thanks, mom.

Okay, Punky, pick it up.

Hello, Farley?

Speaking.
You must be Punky.

- Spud says you're a babe.
- Really?

He sounds cute.

Yeah, well, Spud said some
nice things about you too.

Is it true you can get
free tickets

to any concert in town?

Yeah, for the right girl.

Yeah, well, that's me.

And you see, we're having
a Sadie Hawkins dance and...

You do know how to dance,
don't you?

Do dead fish float?

Great. Then would you
like to go with me?

I sure would.

And I guarantee,
we're gonna have one

incredible, awesome,
fantastic time.

Of course you realize

this will break hearts
all over town.

Spud!

Yes, dreamboat?

- Farley, you fake!
- Oops!

Hey, look,
Farley is my real name.

And you gave me
a real invitation.

You're hooked, baby.

Punky, don't k*ll him,
you'll be grounded.

Ooh, I love a woman with spirit.

You slime! You rodent!

You slimy rodent!

Hey, hey, hey.

What's going on out here?

Just a little lover's spat,
Mr. Warnimont.

Your daughter can't keep
her hands off me.

Don't worry, sir,
I'll take good care of her.

By the way,
is it too soon to call you dad?

Oh, Punky, what kind of flowers
do you like?

Daisies,
with you pushing them up.

Henry, he tricked me!

It was hysterical!

Punky and Spud!

She actually asked him
to the dance.

I can't stand it.

Actually, it wasn't that funny.

Yes, it was!

Henry, he tricked me
into asking him to the dance.

I don't really have
to go with him, do I?

- No.
- Good.

On the other hand,
you did invite him.

- But, Henry...
- Of course...

- What he did was sneaky.
- Right.

On the other hand,

you don't want
to hurt Spud's feelings.

- But, Henry...
- Then again, he deserves it.

- Right.
- On the other hand...

Henry, please,

I don't have any more hands.

Rejection can be very painful,
Punky.

I'm sure that whatever
you decide

will be the right thing.

Unless it's the wrong thing.

I love these little talks.

Yo!

Hi.

Welcome to my environment.

So this is the city dump.

My turkey potpie is ready.
Want some?

Got any ketchup?

Cherie.

Forget the turkey, turkey.

We gotta get something straight,
right now.

I'm not taking you
to the Sadie Hawkins dance.

Of course, you are.

You love me.

Are you nuts?
I never said I love you.

Now is as good a time as any.

Spud... watch my lips.

Punky is not taking you
to the dance.

But what about the tuxedo
I bought?

Custom-made.

What about the wrist corsage?

Special order from Hawaii.

I even bought a razor
in case I have a beard by then.

Look, Spud,
this is all your fault.

I am not changing my mind.

- Let's go, Cherie.
- Alright.

Have it your way.

Oh, my gosh. Punky, look!

Spud! Are you crazy?
What are you doing out there?

Punky, if you don't go
to the dance with me,

I'm gonna jump.

Spud, get back in here!

We're five stories high!

Not until you say we'll go
to the dance.

You're out of your mind.

Yeah, over you.

Man must have his woman.

It's the law of nature.

Ever hear of the law of gravity?

Cherie, we've got to
do something.

You're right,
I'll go move my bike.

No, go get help.

Oh, okay.
But then, I'm moving my bike.

Spud, get back in here.

Are you saying
you can't live without me?

No.

Then I'm staying out here
until you realize

this Spud's for you.

Spud, do you know how dangerous
it is out there?

Danger is my middle name.

Stupid is your middle name.

You've gotta come back inside.

- Not until you say yes.
- Yes.

Then you'll go
to the dance with me?

No.

Punky, going
to the dance with you

is the most important thing
in my life.

Then again, it's only a dance,

and you're just a girl,
and I'm gonna die!

Okay, just stay calm,

and try to come back
towards the window.

I'll never make it.

I can see the headlines now.

"Handsome, Gifted Boy

Becomes Meat Patty
On Sidewalk."

Don't panic.

You got out there,
you can get back in.

- No, I can't.
- Yes, you can.

Punky, trust me on this,
I can't. Help me.

- But, Spud!
- I'm getting dizzy.

- I'm gonna fall.
- Okay.

Stay right there,
I'm coming out.

Oh.

Gee, it's windy out here.

And high.

They're going to scrape me off
the sidewalk with a spatula.

Dear God, I'm... I'm sorry

for all the rotten things
I've ever done.

Please give me a sign you're not
holding them against me.

That's a sign?

No.

It's a pigeon.

Why did he land on me?

I think that he thinks
you're a statue.

Get off me, get off me!

Whoa!

Okay.

Take my hand.

We're going back.

My bike!

We're gonna die, we're gonna
die, we're gonna die!

We're not gonna die!
Is there another way in?

Yeah. Around the nose.

Around the nose?

Okay, you first.

You first.
Who's saving who out here?

I can't get around your stomach.

Well, I'll suck it in.

Well, go ahead, suck it in.

I am sucking it in.

Alright, I'm gonna grab
onto your belt

and swing over
to the other side.

Did my belt tear?

Spud, belts don't tear.

They... they do
if they're made of cardboard.

My pants.

Now, that's funny.

Punky, can you pull up my pants?

Yeah, but I'm not gonna.

Please, Punky.

I'd... I'd do it for you.

Spud.

I'm gonna crawl up this nose.

Now come on.

I can't, I'm too nervous.

Watch how easy it is.

See? Piece of cake.

Whatever you do, nose,
don't sneeze.

Whoa!

You're right, Spud,
we're gonna die.

We're gonna die!

We're gonna die!

Thank God
you got to them in time.

Yeah, you kids are lucky
to be alive.

It's a good thing we were able
to pick you off that nose.

And you, young lady,
did a fine job

of notifying us and giving us

accurate directions.

Gee, thanks.

I'm sorry our truck
ran over your bike.

What!

Thank you, Fireman Frebus.

In the future, I promise to keep

a closer eye on my daughter.

Where was your close eye
when that little vixen

was luring my Farley
out on that ledge?

Now, see here, Mrs. Blugner,
my daughter's no vixen.

It was your Farley
who did the luring.

My, you are forceful.

And tall.

And lucky too.

- Lucky?
- Yes.

I'm divorced.

Punky, if you ever do anything
like that again, I'll, uh...

I'll...

Please don't do anything
like that again.

I won't. I promise, Henry.

- Let's go home.
- Wait a minute.

Could I have a second alone
with Spud?

Alone?

To talk.

Come on, handsome,
we'll go downstairs.

I'll show you
Farley's baby pictures.

Make it quick.

I've a few things to say.

Don't bother.
I'll save you the trouble.

I'm a jerk, I'm an idiot,
I'm a moron.

That's not all.

Also a doofus, a dork
and a dimwit.

That's just the Ds.

Go ahead, hit me with the rest
of the alphabet.

Nah, you took all
the fun out of it.

I just have one question.

Why did you do all this
over a silly dance?

It's not the dance.

It's... Well, you know.

No, I don't.

- Yes, you do.
- No, I don't.

I'm gonna show you
how much you mean to me.

"Spud loves Punky."

With all my heart.

Oh, Spud.

Punky, going to the dance
with you meant everything to me.

I told all the kids
at school about it.

Now they'll just laugh at me.

Of course,
they always laugh at me.

But this time
it will really hurt.

Spud, I don't know what to say.

You don't have to say anything.

If I were you, I wouldn't go
to the dance with me either.

I'll decide whether or not
to go to the dance with you.

And... I've decided
to go with you.

Gee, Punky, you're really
asking me to the dance?

Yes.

You're actually willing
to be seen with me in public?

Yes.

And we'll honeymoon in Bermuda?

Don't push it, Spud.

Turn around, Punky.

You look beautiful.

Thanks.

I can't believe
I'm actually going

to the dance with Spud.

Well, look on the bright side.

He's lost weight
since his baby pictures.

Well, I gave him some tips

on how to act
like a human being.

Who knows, it could even be fun.

Hey, babe.

Punky.