06x22 - DC Comics Special II : Villains in Paradise

[bunniefuu]

[up-tempo music plays]

[thunder crashes]

[wind howling]

Arkham Asylum ...
prison to the greatest

supervillains the world has
ever known. And Mr. Banjo.

Ever since the first
"Robot Chicken DC Comics

special," #rcdc,
humanity has been safe from

these deviants...
until...

tonight.
[march plays]

[electricity crackling]

[machine-g*n fire]

And now the "Robot Chicken
DC Comics Special :

Villains in Paradise."
#rcdc vip.

Would you like to buy some
girl scout cookies?

- No!
- Okay. Thanks, mister.

But Bizarro... said no.
[ominous music plays]

Oh, this commute is m*rder.
Okay.

[breathes deeply]
Let's do this.

[flies buzzing]
Unh!

Get aw... ow!
You little vampires!

[grunting]
Unh!

Oh, my moccasin.

[alligator roars]

Oh, no, not again!
No, no!

Just be gentle, Mr. Snappy.
[beeps]

What is wrong with this piece
of [bleep]

Swipe it slower.
[beeps]

- Ah, that's too slow.
- Aah!

- Is it facing the right way?
- Of course it's facing

the right ...
okay, it was not.

Dad, this is total bull crap.
It's spring break.

My boyfriend invited me to his
family's place at the beach.

Well, the court says I get
you on weekends and holidays.

Like it or not, we're spending
this time together.

- Ugh! Doing what?
- Oh, I have a plan for you.

Give me a double espresso
latte, half decaf, medium foam,

with a dusting of Dutch chocolate.

- That bald son of a bitch.
- Does Weather Wizard

- want coffee?
- I texted him.

I think he's responding
because those three

dots are hovering right there. [grunts]

- Tall café latte, please.
- Okay. That's $ . .

[chuckles] You didn't
ask me if I wanted

- whip or no whip.
- Do you want whip?

- Whip.
- Great.

Do I want an extra sh*t of espresso?

- I don't know. Do you?
- We'll see.

Oh, sorry. Hold on.
It's ... it's in my keys.

- It's in my keys.
- It's on the house, okay?

Free or not free
has ing to do with it.

I don't know if I want it.

Only the coin knows if I
want it. Ah.

[coins rattle]
Hang on.

Oh, come on. The wi-fi
password doesn't work.

Aren't you a living supercomputer?

- Use the wi-fi in your brain.
- I don't have wi-fi.

I have G.
And I'm locked into a [bleep]

family plan. Mom blows
through all my data

Netflixing episodes of "Castle."
I have no minutes ever.

- Ever!
- Working here on your spring break?

- That's total bull crap, Lena.
- Yeah. Well, tell that to daddy w*r-bald.

"Daddy w*r-bald"!
[laughing]

We ... we should follow
each other on twitter.

Damon Lindelof favorited my tweet once.

[whistles]

So, Lena over there has to work

on spring break. Did you
even know it was spring break?

What does it matter?

- We don't get vacations.
- That's what I told Lena!

- She says that's so unfair.
- Lena makes a lot of

- good points.
- Oh! And you know she's vegan?

[grunting]
I really admire that Lena.

[ringtone plays]
Weather Wizard wants

- an Americano.
- Say we already left.

I'd like to introduce you to
Superboy, my, uh ... my clone.

- What up?
- "Clone"?

Oh, I knew you wouldn't have
the guts to tell them the truth.

I never should have had your baby.

That's what I've been
telling you for years.

That's right ... a clone!
A clone with no strings attached.

Ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff.

Ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff!

Woof woof woof, woof woof.
Woof woof woof, woof woof,

- woof woof.
- Ruff ruff!

[yelps]
Woof woof woof woof woof.

By sending a targeted energy
pulse from our stealth drone,

we will deactivate the Justice
League's power generator,

housed in the South
quadrant of the Hall of justice,

rending those hapless heroes
completely defenseless and ...

- Meow!
- We're in the middle of a meeting!

Do you fools want to tell me

- what's so important?
- Well, if you insist.

Welcome to the
Smallville high school talent show!

My name is Sexylexy, and we are

- Sexx Luthor!
- Turn it off.

♪ oh, baby, baby
with that ass so sweet ♪

♪ we're the brainy studs
that you're dying to meet ♪

♪ Sexx Luthor ♪
♪ ha ha! ♪

♪ Sexx Luthor ♪
♪ Come on! ♪

♪ Lana Lang, Lana Lang ♪
with that sweet poontang

♪ I wrote you a song ♪
♪ now shake hands with my wang ♪

♪ Sexx Luthor ♪

♪ Sexx Luthor ♪

I said turn it off!

- # Sexx Luthor #
- Just made it my ringtone.

I had a great time tonight, Iris.
Reverse-flash!

You're not the only one
who's good with the ladies.

- Flash, feast your eyes on Reverse-Iris!
- My name is Tina.

Up, up, and away!

- Ugh!
- Uh, don't you think you

should sit down?
[sighs]

'Cause I'm gonna
be flying really fast.

- I just think it would be safer.
- I just ... [sighs]

Isn't there another shape?
Couldn't you make it more...

- vehicular?
- Why?

Look, it doesn't matter.
Let ... let's just go in the ball.

- Oh, because it's emasculating.
- Oh, boy. You're one of those

"just put it right out
there" guys, aren't you?

Yes! It is emasculating! It
is emasculating to show up

with no superpowers in a
lime-Green safety bubble!

Oh. Well, no, let's talk
about this for a second.

Earlier, you said
"something more vehicular."

- Like a plane?
- Sure.

- Okay, yeah. No, jet or prop?
- Oh, a big prop plane,

for sure! And while
you guys are fighting

the robot, I'll get in
a dogfight with Snoopy!

Let's just go! I am sorry
I ever said anything!

Look, I'm not gonna
fly you in the bubble.

I know you hate it, and that's
all I'll be thinking about.

♪ There does come a time ♪

♪ when you must unwind ♪

- # and it's just the wind #
- Yeah!

♪ and your superfriends ♪

♪ be set free ♪

♪ upon the sea ♪

♪ and you're with your ♪

♪ Superfriends ♪
♪ until the super end ♪

♪ just sailin' ♪

♪ sailin' ♪

♪ sailing! ♪
♪ sailing! ♪

I... I got to call my dad.

...which will bump
Eddie's plan to the end

of March, but I don't think anyone loves

"Malcolm in the riddle"
anyway. All in favor?

[all murmuring]
All in favor?

- Okay. What's the problem?
- You're working us to

the bone, Luthor!
We've butt-polished these seats

into reflective surfaces. I
pulled a chair out for Grodd

the other day and got into a
staring contest with

- this brown eye!
- Why don't we get vacations?

Together: Vacation! Vacation!

You idiots have plenty of time off.

- It's called prison.
- Luthor is correct!

I, Starro the Conqueror,
require no vacation.

Why when I'm defeated by the
Justice League, I'm back

to business the next day.
I was at the drawing board,

not the shuffle board. I ...
uh, h-hey, where we going?

Oh! Two guys taking a leak.
All right, well, it's odd ...

[toilet flushes, seat closes]

- We're all on the same page, right, guys?
- You shouldn't flush those

things. That's how New York got giant

- alligators in the sewers.
- Ugh! That's just

- an urban legend.
- Oh, you think so?!

- Moving on to new business ...
- I got four mochas, two

- whipped, two naked.
- What?

My daughter Lena is
supposed to bring the coffee!

- Who the [bleep] are you?!
- Oh, that's my nephew Calvin.

Isn't he great?
Trying to help my sister out.

I'm taking Lena's shift
while she's on vacation

- with her boyfriend.
- Wow.

- Lena does what she wants.
- No!

This insubordination will not stand!

Well, you heard him ...
go. It's over.

I tried, but it didn't work
out. It is what it is, okay?

Tell sis I love her. What?
What are you looking at?

- Get the [bleep] out of here.
- Brainiac, tap into the grid!

We'll cross-reference the
database of every airline

in the country until ...
[ringtone beeps]

Whoa! Lena's instagram is
blowing up with vacay pics!

Wow!
That beach house looks amazing!

Gross, cross your legs.
I can see your d*ck.

Lena thinks she can defy me?
You all wanted a vacation?

Well, the Legion of Doom
is going to the beach!

- Flight mode engaged.
- What?!

- The Hall of Doom ... it flies.
- Meow.

We've been commuting to the
okefenokee swamp when we could

have been anywhere else? Meow?!

I wear [bleep] burlap, man,
and the pounds of swamp water

it takes on every morning!
I've got a case of trench foot

That's marched halfway up my balls!

- Buckle up!
- This bastion of evil upsets

the delicate balance of the green.

You were right to summon me,
the Swamp Thing,

for I am your protector.
Do you smell gasoline?

sh*t! sh*t!
This thing's taking off!

Aah! Aah!
Get the [bleep] out of my way!

- N-o-o-o-o!
- "The death of Swamp Thing" ...

the most shocking comic
book of he year, now on sale!

He's back and better than ever!

"Swamp Thing" # !
Now back to our show.

Green Arrow to tower!
The turbulence knocked

the pilot out cold!
I'm all alone up here!

Easy, India Juliet ,
we can talk you down.

First, tell me what it
says on your altimeter.

I-I-I can't even see the altimeter!

- I assure you it's there.
- I know it's there!

- I'm saying I can't see it!
- If you're having trouble

identifying the
altimeter, you need to look

- it up in the flight manual.
- I can't read it!

We're ejecting out of
this flying death box!

[clang!]
Fuel jettisoned.

Oh [bleep].

You know, I was just off a
very hard breakup, but I have to

say, this actually feels ...
[chokes]

[diners gasp]
Is there a doctor in the house?

Oh! Right here ... Dr. Fate!

- He's a doctor.
- I'm not, uh ...

- Actually, I'm not that kind of doctor.
- What? You lied to me!

I never meant to hurt you, Melanie!

Ahh. Ugh!

[toilet flushes]
Ahh.

Green Arrow was a champion of
justice, but more importantly,

he was my friend. And no
amount of tears will ...

will... No, you know what?

[bleep] this!
[audience gasps]

Oh, don't act so shocked, you phonies!

You know how this works.
In a few months, some magic

Amulet will bring him
back or we'll find some

alternate-dimension Green Arrow
that's exactly like the one we

had before!
How many of you here have

already d*ed?
Come on! Put them up!

Exactly. So, all due respect to

Green Arrow or whoever bites
it next, but I'm done with your

memorials, your wakes, or flying
to your home planets

to scatter your [bleep] ashes!
I am done!

[cheers and applause]
[gasps]

Wow! First day of my
internship at the Daily Planet!

Oh, working at the
Daily Planet is great!

Mr. Kent's really nice, and
Miss Lane gets all the scoops!

And if I ever get in hot water,
I can call Superman

- on my signal watch!
- [scoffs] Good one, Jimmy.

- It's true!
- Pfft! No way!

I'll prove it, rookie!
Superman will catch me before

- I even hit the grou-ou-ou-ound!
- Is this your signal watch?

[metal crunching]
The bad news ...

Jimmy Olsen d*ed. The good news ...
I got promoted.

Come on, you stupid Gorilla.
It's my first day.

Do something cool!
[camera shutter clicks]

[Gorilla roars]
Aah! Help!

Help me, Superman!
Aah-aah!

[watch beeping]
Jimmy? Jimmy!

Jimmy!
[beeping continues]

[breathing heavily]
What? Why?

[camera shutter clicks]
Look, Mr. Kent!

I got the front page
on my very first day!

Congrats.

So, what made you respond to

- my profile?
- Well, you said you liked Fish. So?

Ain't no poontang until date
six, and the hedge grows wild,

My man ... like fangorn forest wild.

Hey, I just remembered I
left the ocean running, so maybe

another time!

[beach music plays]

- What a beautiful morning.
- You're welcome.

You gonna make that
joke every [bleep] day,

Weather Wizard?!
Your power's not called "July"!

Hey, man, you're really sunburned!

- You should go inside.
- This is my natural skin tone.

You know what?
Mind your own business.

- Okay. All right.
- Cute mermaid, girls.

Damn cute.
Hey, here's $ .

Why don't you girls go get
yourself some ice cream?

Hey, there, baby.
From around here?

Clayface don't get to meet
a lot of ... [gurgling]

Wah! Hey, fellas, "private
beach" is code for "nude beach."

- Wah-ha!
- Keep your visibly-m*nled and

misshapen sausage [bleep]
in your pants, Penguin.

Guys, at a nude beach
... hey, that really hurt.

[clears throat] Wah. Guys,
at a nude beach, there's

nude women.
Wah, wah wah wah!

- Oh, my god!
- Wha... huh?!

- Dude, you got fried!
- I told you, my skin is

naturally ...
Holy [bleep] sh*t!

- Problem?
- Oh, n-no.

Oh ... [grunts]
[chuckles nervously]

[groaning loudly]
Aah!

Ohh! Ohh!
[skin crackling]

- Is it sunburn?
- N... no-no... nope!

Oh-ho-ho!
I'm perfectly bronzed.

- Aaaaah!
- Hey, I think this guy is dead.

I think I'm finally

- comfortable in my own skin.
- So take off your mask.

Uh, no, no, no. I'm a real
"but-his-face."

There's no judgment here, Scarecrow.

We're all beautiful in our own way.

Look at those dudes' dicks!
[Laughter]

Wait. So "private"
doesn't mean "nude"?

- "Private" means "private."
- What are you fools doing?!

- Where are your clothes?!
- What the hell kind of freak show

are you running here, Luthor?

I'm just here
looking for my daughter.

- Daddy?
- Lena!

- "Daddy"?
- Lena, you are never to see

- him again.
- No!

Conner, you are
never to see that gitl again!

- No!
- Hey, a quarter.

N-o-o-o-o!

Oh, golly, Superboy!

How'd you ever land a high-class
[bleep] trail like Lena Luthor?

Well, talking about teenagers
having sex would be

cheap exploitation. But singing
about it is another story.

♪ I met Lena ♪

- # went to a movie #
- # fell for Conner #

- # I let him super do me #
- # we made out #

- # started to bone #
- # you'd be surprised what #

♪ They've enhanced on this clone ♪

♪ super teens ♪

♪ who cares what they mean? ♪

♪ when all you need are super ♪

- # nights #
- # a-pow, a-bam, a-boom, #

♪ a-cr*ck ♪
♪ give us dirt, give us dirt ♪

♪ did you find out their scheme? ♪

♪ give us dirt, give us dirt ♪

♪ does his d*ck sh**t red beams? ♪

♪ good thing my panties are
% lead ♪

# and she's no stranger to

- # dicks with smooth heads #
- Gross.

♪ my super dad, he'll get super mad ♪

♪ but it's worth it for those super ♪

♪ N-i-i-i-i-i-i-ights ♪

I let you finish that song as

a professional courtesy.
That was a mistake.

Lena, you're too good
for that super-trash.

My clone's too good
to date a filthy Luthor!

Lena's got more class in
her little finger than you ...

[grunting]
I'm cool, I'm cool.

Silence, fools!
It's over.

[coughing]
Slut! She's a slut!

- Oh! You!
- Oh, hell, no!

[grunting]

Check me out now, mother[bleep]!

It's Starro! Like a mighty
New York city sewer alligator!

I'd hate to say I told you so.

That is a lie. [screaming]

- I tol...
- Only our combined forces can

- defeat a foe that size.
- All right, Luthor, I'll bring

my super-strength, laser
eyes, invulnerability, and

super-speed, and you bring
your slightly above-average

- intelligence.
- You know what?

[bleep] you, Superman.

I've got this one, Mr. J!
Hyah!

- N-o-o-o-o-o-o!
- "Death of a Joker," now on sale!

- Collect all variant covers!
- I got mine!

Hey, Sinestro, you remember
your Lantern Corps

- basic training?
- The old bow-and-arrow maneuver?

Both: You idiot!

This parasol's more than
just a fashion statement.

Wah wah! Ohh! Wah!
Sorry! Sorry!

Wah! Wah. Wah.
Wah w-a-a-a-ah!

Riddle me this!
Can anybody hear me?!

Riddle me this! Aah!

It's time Starro
learned that speed kills!

- Sorry! Sorry!
- I got this, guys!

- Aah!
- Maybe I can turn the tide of

this battle with the
aid of my ocean friends!

[dolphin squeaks]
[whale sings]

Aquaman calls us, the
horses of the sea, to fight!

So if any of ye wishes to leave,
go now, and let no seahorse hold

in judgment he that does!
You are free ... all of you ...

to do as you choose.
Aye, lads.

Even slow-witted steve
stayed. And crippled Kevin.

Kevin, whose tail was gripped by a crab.

Look upon one another and know
that on this day, ye all chose

to fight for the one in the
tight-green leggings and orange

shirt, the one who sometimes
carries a trident but mostly no,

the one with the locks of
gold fairer than any maiden!

We fight for the one they call Aquaman!

[all cheering] So, ride
the currents as though

your tails were set alight, for
your names shall be remembered

from this day and
forevermore! [all cheering]

All: For Aquaman!

If this is the end, I want to
die here, in your arms, among

- all these dead sea horses.
- For Aquaman!

- So many dead sea horses.
- I love you.

- I love you!
- Could it be?

True love has touched even
this old starfish's heart?

We have no reason to fight, my friends!

- Smile, you son of a bitch!
- Aah!

♪ sailin' ♪
[Starro screaming]

- # Sailin' #
- I guess we learned something

- here today, Luthor.
- Indeed, we have.

For all our combined powers,
we were fools to think we could

defeat the greatest power
in the universe ... love.

[Mendelssohn's "Wedding march" plays]

- It's so beautiful.
- It's a little gross.

The bride and groom will now
read the vows they have written.

When I met Lena...
I never realized one person

could teach me so much about
life and love and following my

own passion. That's
how I finally found the

courage to ask...

Bizarro, will you marry me?

- And ... and Bizarro say yes!
- Oh! This is beautiful!

Bizarro say yes! Yes!
Yes, yes, a thousand times yes!

- You may now kiss the bride.
- Yes! Me want kiss!

Yes! Yes!
[all cheering]

This is how we're ending
the second "Robot chicken

DC Comics Special," with
a [bleep] fake-out wedding?

- Damn it! Aren't you dead?!
- Oh, I got the magic amulet.

Drop your [bleep] and
grab your flip-flops.

We are Sexx Luthor!

♪ oh, baby, baby ♪
♪ with that ass so sweet ♪

♪ we're the brainy studs
that you're dying to meet ♪

♪ Sexx Luthor ♪
♪ ha ha! ♪

♪ Sexx Luthor ♪

The Joker's back and better than ever!
On sale now.