03x05 - Gut Feeling

[bunniefuu]

And right...

- there.
- [Heart b*ating]

[Chuckles] Luca,
listen to how fast that is!

Sick b*at.

I could definitely hear
Young Thug on this.

And there is your baby's nose, eyes.

Oh, and there's your baby's smile!

Congratulations, he... or she...

or if we're being PC, they...
are an absolute beauty.

You're both very lucky parents.

- Oh, no, he's not the...
- Thank you.

What? I [bleep] with fake-fatherhood.

Well, congratulations.

♪ If you ever lose your way ♪

ZOEY: The miracle of life.

We take for granted
the billions of things

that have to go right
to create a human being.

And nothing you could have ever imagined

compares to the moment
when you first meet

that amazing little life you created.

- ♪ If you stay ♪
- Wow.

That's my baby.

ALL: Surprise!

Oh...

ZOEY: So, what do you think?

Uh...

You guys shouldn't have...

Girl, bastard or not,
that baby deserves a shower.

No, like, really, though,
you shouldn't have...

But we're having a house baby!

- Whoo! House baby!
- House baby!

- House baby!
- House baby!

I don't know if I'm keeping the baby.

♪♪

[Indistinct whispering]

ZOEY: Huh?

♪ Watch out, world, I'm grown now ♪

♪ I'm grown ♪

♪ Learn something new every day ♪

♪ I don't know, so I'm-a feel my way ♪

♪ Got the weight of the world on me ♪

♪ But no regrets, this is what I say ♪

♪ Watch out, world, I'm grown now ♪

- ♪ I'm grown ♪
- ♪ You can tell me ♪

♪ My heart b*ating so loud ♪

♪ Mama, look, I'm grown now ♪

♪ I'm grown ♪

So, is everything okay with the baby?

Yeah. No, totally.

There were, like, 10 fingers
and 10 toes, and...

Huge penis.

Oh, well, it's an umbilical cord.

- I've told you that many times.
- [Chuckles]

- Father knows best, but...
- Not the father.

Okay, well, I'm gonna head out.

Okay.

♪♪

- Bye, thanks.
- Yep.

- [Door closes]
- So... care to fill us in?

It's, uh, just my parents.

They want me to place the baby
for adoption, so...

Yeah. Excuse me.

What do we say? What do we do here?

♪♪

Vivek, you said that

there were cigars for the guys outside?

- You hate cigars.
- No, I hate fresh air.

I love cigars. I think we should
smoke some right now.

- You... all three of us.
- Bro, what're you talking about?

Last time you smoked a blunt,

you yacked for two straight hours...

You know nothing about life, do you?

- [Sighs]
- Come on.

You just got to read the room, man.

- What... This just seems important.
- You try really hard.

Nomi, um,
I thought you wanted this baby.

I did, I mean, I... I do, I think.

It's just ever since
I've been back at school,

my parents have been all over me

about how hard it's going to be

to be a full-time student
and a single mom, and...

They're not wrong, you know?

I mean, have you guys ever been
to the family dorm?

[Giggles]

Jackson. Back here.

[Glass shatters]

And that poor mom,

oh, my God, she was so overwhelmed,

and I don't even think I could handle it

as well as she did.

Freshman year, there was this young mom

in our Intro to Calculus section,

and, you know, I was just
minding my own business,

trying to learn my linear functions,

and next thing I know,

there's this big old milk-booby
right next to my elbow.

It was hella distracting.

Oh, come on.

There are lots of student-parents

that make it work.

Yeah, and most of them

take at least five years to graduate.

Or longer.

Five years?

That means you wouldn't be
graduating with us.

Well, maybe not with us, but with you,

Zoey "Academic Probation" Johnson.

- [Chuckles]
- Look, as soon as my parents realized

just how much
this would disrupt my life,

they became even more convinced

that I should place the baby
for adoption, so...

Damn, sounds like your parents
are giving you no choice.

Yeah, especially since
they might cut you off,

disown you, or lock you in the attic

like one of those
Lifetime holiday movies.

You remember "Yuletide Basement."

NOMI: Hey, you guys,

my parents aren't
locking me in an attic,

or a basement, or whatever, okay?

They said they were gonna support me

whether or not
I decided to keep the baby.

They'd just prefer
that I didn't keep the baby.

Well, great! If they're gonna
support you either way,

then I guess we're keeping
our house baby!

So, can we please go back
to this baby shower

that I had Vivek spend
all of this money on?

Dude, pause.

Okay, Nomi, is that what you want?

To keep this baby?

Look, it's not an ideal situation, okay?

But I feel like I made my bed
and I should lie in it.

That's not the most compelling reason

to raise a child.

At least she's taking responsibility.

Yeah, Nomi, I am so proud of you.

Disappointed in you
for getting knocked up,

but so proud of you for dealing with it.

Okay, but why does Nomi
have to give up her life

to "deal with it," though?

You know, there's so many
alternatives nowadays,

whether it be, um,
a couple who can't have kids,

a gay couple, um... I don't know.

But either way, her mistake...

which are your words, not mine...

could become a blessing
for someone else.

But wait, Zoey, so you agree
with my parents?

No, no, not like that.

I'm just... I guess I'm saying

maybe don't rule out adoption
so quickly.

♪♪

[Coughs, sniffs]

Are you guys sure you don't
want in on these cigars?

Once you get past the chest pain

and the inability to breathe...

[Coughs]

Ugh, it's really quite smooth. [Sniffs]

Yeah, no, I think...

- I think we're good on that.
- Hmm. We're straight.

Okay. Oh, hey, bro.

Guys, this is Sky's,
uh... friend... Rodney.

- What's up, man?
- Yeah, I almost hit this guy

with a Louisville Slugger.

No, he didn't.

I would have kicked his ass.

- That's so funny.
- Is Sky inside?

Yeah, but you probably don't
want to go in there right now...

unless you want to walk
into a hornets' nest.

So...

- Sky's dating a White guy?
- No way.

Yeah.

He got to be, like,
Creole or something, right?

- Yeah.
- No, he's definitely White.

Look at the... look at the shoelaces.

They're choking his ankles.

Can't be. Yo, she was
all over me Freshman year

for cross-pollination-dating.

Her militant ass must be
using him to fix her credit.

I mean, have you considered
an open adoption?

And that way you can stay
in the baby's life.

It feels like it would be
a really painful thing

for me and the baby.

I don't know, can we just
stop talking about this?

- [Door opens]
- VIVEK: Is it safe to come back in yet?

- No!
- Yes!

Uh, Sky, your, uh...
your pal Rodney is here, dude.

Hi.

That's Rod'Nae?

Yes, it is.

- [Singsong voice] Not what I pictured.
- I know, Rod'Nae's...

Dudes, we're not done talking in here.

Yeah, we are, actually.

Great, you heard the Mother of Honor...

we're not talking about this anymore.

And I know the perfect thing

that's gonna lift everyone's spirits...

The Dirty Diaper Game.

Oh, my God.

I'm so happy that you came.

Well, you did thr*aten my life...

But I kind of like it
when you thr*aten my life.

And you brought ice cream?
That is so sweet.

Okay, you can go put your jacket
in my room.

Which you already know
where that is, so...

♪♪

[Exhales sharply]
I'm proud of you girl, honestly.

It's so good to see that,
at the end of the day,

love conquers all.

- What are you talking about?
- I'm talking about you.

You following your heart.
Obviously erasing color lines.

In what way?

In the, uh, you dating
an Anglo-Saxon kind of way.

What? You think he's gay?

No, I think that he's White.
I know he's White.

Okay. What are you talking about?

What about him says that he's White?

Um... I don't know,
let me think about that.

- I don't know, his skin, maybe?
- Okay, now,

I know he's a little bit Drake-skinned,

but my guy is Black.

His name is "Rod'Nae."

You're sure about this?

- Yes.
- Okay.

Is that vanilla? Extra vanilla?

Super white vanilla?

I'm kidding. He is White, though.

♪♪

So this is the Dirty Diaper Game.

Everyone has to guess
what kind of chocolate candy

is melted in each diaper.

The most correct answers wins.

Well, wait, w-we're still doing this?

I thought Nomi said
she not keeping the baby.

- Um, she's keeping the baby.
- Uh... [Scoffs]

She is not necessarily keeping the baby.

All right, I need to know
if Nomi's keeping this baby

before I simulate eating
some baby [bleep].

- Don't eat the baby [bleep] Doug.
- Eat the baby [bleep] Doug.

Nomi, am I eating
this baby [bleep] or not?

No, I don't know, okay?! I don't know!

I keep going back and forth.

I feel like I want to keep the baby.

I think my parents might
be right. I don't know, okay?

It's gonna be super hard to do alone.

ANA: But you don't have to do it alone.

I mean, did you ask
the father of your baby

what he wants to do?

No. He doesn't even know
he's gonna be a father.

[Clears throat] Wait.

You haven't even told him?

No! And it's none of his business.

Dude, none of his business?
Are you kidding me?

When I found out you were pregnant,

I went to find a kid
that wasn't even mine.

♪♪

Wait, so you're seriously considering

not telling this guy he has
a baby coming into the world?

To be fair, I mean,

he probably doesn't even remember.

We were both really sloppy.

He was, like, making out with my forearm

at some point, and...

I don't even really know
who he is, so...

- Oh, we can find him.
- Oh.

Yeah, you said his name was Phil

and something about him
being from Berkeley, right?

- Uh-huh.
- Oh, I have found guys

with just a zodiac sign
and a favorite sweater color.

Yeah, but we don't know
anything about this

"Phil from Berkeley."

All right, for all we know, he could be,

okay, get this, "Phil from Vallejo."

Or Dr. Phil.

I think she would remember

if she hooked up with Dr. Phil.

No, I don't know. I was really drunk.

It could be Dr. Phil. But you know what?

I don't even want to, like, do that

and blow up this guy's life.

Screw that, blow up Dr. Phil's life.

He's about to have a child in the world

and he needs to know.

What he doesn't need is a kid growing up

and being on 23andMe 18 years from now

and then showing up
at his 40th birthday party

- at the Macaroni Grill.
- DOUG: Ooh, Mac G.

I would get all up in that
prosciutto-wrapped jumbo shrimp.

- Just...
- You know, maybe Dr. Phil Jr.

does want to eat family style
with his father.

Don't they both theoretically
deserve that delicious chance?

You now, I couldn't imagine
life without our dad.

Me neither. Well, what about you?

Was your dad around?

Actually, uh,

he wasn't there much in the beginning.

You know, 'cause of his
wrongful incarceration case.

Oh, my goodness. Wrongful incarceration?

Black.

Whatever.

Yeah, but then when the cops
held a press conference

to apologize to my father
about being in the wrong,

Dad was around a whole lot more. So...

So, a-a cop apologized to your dad?

- Yeah.
- Publicly?

That's amazing, man.

[Chuckles] White guy.

VIVEK: This might be
an unpopular opinion,

but if I was Phil,
I would rather not know.

Not unpopular, Vivek. Thank you.

- No, pretty unpopular.
- Well...

I mean, I actually
appreciate Vivek's honesty.

- See? That's what I was saying. Get in here.
- I do.

Wait, you actually agree with him?

Yeah, I mean, God forbid

somebody pulled up
to my crib with a baby,

I mean, I would take care of it

like any other good dude would, right?

But I'd be lying if I said

I'd actually be happy about it.

- So you don't think she should tell him?
- No.

The right time to involve dude

was when she found out
that she was pregnant.

You know, because then,

he would know the right way
to handle it from jump.

And if you tell him now, that's just...

That's just not fair.

I cannot believe
what I'm hearing right now.

Rod'Nae, help me out, please.

It's actually Rodney.

Just Rodney?

Of course it is. Of course it is.

Look, I just don't believe

that I'm the only man in this room

who feels like this Dr. Phil dude

deserves to know that
he's about to be a father.

I guess I can see both sides.

But, I mean, the issue
just is not black or white...

Yes, it is, Rodney,
and you need to choose a side...

Black or White.

What I'm trying to say
is that the baby is here,

it's on the way,

and this man has every right
to be in this child's life

until he proves himself otherwise.

ANA: As much as it pains me
to agree with Aaron,

Nomi, being a parent is a blessing,

- and, look, I'm sorry, but...
- Mm-hmm.

...I think your choice
in not informing Phil

is depriving your child
and his or her father

from having a relationship.

♪♪

♪♪

[Bell dinging]

♪♪

♪♪

Hey, we're all out...

Look, you obviously like the guy,

and doing this could possibly
change everything.

So... don't do it.

No, I need to know who I'm dating.

Okay.

Well, just so you know,
that whatever the outcome is,

when you turn the lights off,

we are all the same color.

Mm-hmm.

[Sighs]

♪♪

♪♪

Damn.

Those people might glow in the dark.

♪♪

- [Knock on door]
- Yeah?

Hey.

Hey.

I just wanted to make sure

that you got some of this
pregnant belly cake...

[Sighs]

The popped belly button
is actually fondant.

No, if you can get past
your initial revulsion,

it's actually pretty next-level.

Mm.

- Look, um...
- Mm-hmm.

...I just want to apologize
if I overstepped.

I mean, we all know that going overboard

is kind of my thing,
but it's only because I care.

I know. Thank you for caring.

But I am going to overstep
with one more thing,

and again, it's only because I love you,

and I just... I don't want you
to regret anything.

What is this?

Only if you change your mind
about your baby's father.

FYI, it only took me 45 seconds.

It... It's my new personal best.

♪♪

[Door closes]

♪♪

[Door closes]

AARON: [Laughs] Oh, my God.

Sky, where did your, uh,
dear old friend go?

Rodney, did he skedaddle?

I am appalled and flabbergasted.

I swear you gave me so much sh*t

for dating White girls, and then, what,

you go and fall for a White boy
that you thought was Black?

Mm-mm-mm.

I didn't understand the
definition of irony until today.

JAZZ: All right, enough, she gets it.

If it is any consolation,
we all come from

the same haplogroup in Central Africa,

meaning your friend Rodney
is a little bit Black.

I can't believe I fell for a White boy.

I just don't get it.

I mean, I... I knew
he was lighter-skinned,

but by all appearances,
he's a Black man.

With no facial hair?

- But that crispy lineup, though.
- Ohh.

He took me to Red Lobster
on our first date...

But now that I think about it,

he didn't order the shrimp...

- Ahh.
- ...the crab legs,

or even touch those cheesy biscuits.

Okay, see? Now I see
how it could be confusing.

- [Sighs]
- [Door opens]

Well, looks like we'll most definitely

be needing this.

♪♪

[Dog barking in distance]

Well, the father of my baby
is no longer a "rando."

His name is Phil McGinnis.
He's from San Jose.

He's a Comm Major at UC Berkeley
and, apparently,

the dude is a major player
in the Ultimate Frisbee scene.

- Cool?
- Before Ana tracked him down,

he was just, like,
a nameless, faceless dude.

And now he's a... real person.

Well, Nomi, you do know that
he was always a real person.

Yeah, I know.

But now this baby
is a real person, so...

Look, I told you I was gonna
have your back through this

and that I was gonna
give it to you straight

no matter how hard it would be.

- Mm-hmm.
- But, I don't know,

after today and everything
happening downstairs,

I... I realized whether to keep the baby

or place it for adoption,

or even whether to tell Phil
he's the father or not,

these aren't choices
that any of us can make for you.

- Yeah.
- These are your choices.

Mm-hmm.

And I know you.

Easier said than done, but I know you're

absolutely going to do
what's right for you.

I'm not going to be able
to think about it here.

Not clearly, anyway. I...

I think I need to go home.

Is that, like, the coward's way out?

No.

I think going home is actually
a really brave decision.

- Do you?
- Yeah.

♪♪

- So, Ultimate Frisbee?
- ♪ Thank the Lord ♪

Hmm.

♪ For what we have ♪

[Door closes]

- Please don't get arrested.
- ♪ See before you ♪

I'll try.

- You better call me every day.
- Okay.

And I'm not screwing around

about CC-ing me on
all your doctor emails.

♪♪

♪ With my soul ♪

Goodbye, little Usain.

I thought we agreed on "Flo-Jo."

Only if it was a girl.

You see the way she's carrying,

you know she's gonna have a boy.

- I can't...
- All right.

Thank God I'm not having twins.

You will be missed.

[Laughs]

♪ Till death do us part ♪

Donadagovhi...

Okay?

That's Cherokee for,
"Until we meet again."

♪ That they had what we have, baby ♪

♪ Till death do us part ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

I'm... I'm not gonna say goodbye

because I know I'm gonna be
seeing you really very soon.

[Voice breaking] I know we,
like, get into it a lot,

but I'm gonna miss you the most.

♪ Oh, yeah, oh, yeah ♪

Don't take anyone else out
for margaritas.

- ♪ Oh, yeah, oh, yeah ♪
- ♪ Let it ride ♪

♪ Oh, yeah, oh, yeah ♪

- ♪ Oh, yeah ♪
- ♪ Just let it, let it ride ♪

- ♪ Oh, yeah, oh, yeah ♪
- Bye.

♪ Oh, yeah, oh, yeah ♪

♪♪

Although we may take for granted

the billion little things
it takes to create life,

there were two things
we didn't take for granted...

the difficult choice Nomi was facing,

and the fact that this group
of nine amazing people

came together to support
and love each other

no matter what.

MAN: Uh, you're headed
to the airport, right?

- Yeah.
- I got you.

I got water, I got mints,
I got phone chargers.

I got a head sh*t

if you have any connections
in the business.

- I don't.
- No?

Hey, you never know, right?

Where you traveling to?

[Music playing softly on radio]

Home.

Nice.

No place like home.

[Voice fading] Wish I could go home.
Clickity clack back to Idaho.

[Inaudible]

♪♪

♪ Ignore signs of change ♪

♪ No more ♪

♪ I'll come back again ♪

♪ I am flawed ♪

♪ Mm ♪

♪ Mm, mm ♪

♪♪