09x10 - Never Forget

[bunniefuu]

[Whirring]
[Theme music plays]

[Whirring]

♪♪

Man: It's alive!

♪♪

♪♪

[Thunder rumbles]

♪♪

You'll never get me to talk.

Perhaps you'd like to see your
wife again, Mr. Potato Head.

No! No! Nooo!

♪♪

Archie, you better not be up to
any mischief, or it's detention.

Gosh, Miss Grundy,
I don't have time for mischief,

what, with all
the homework you gave us.

- Oh, wow. It's so hot.
- Oh, my!

That is some grade-A
ginger beef right there.

Ahem, give you a lift home, Archie?

Jeepers, Miss Grundy,
that would be swell.

Listen, Archie,
you're never going to get

- a passing grade in my class.
- Aw, shucks.

However, I'll give you an "A"
if you give me the "D"...

in the "A."
[Both moaning]

Oh, Archie! Oh!

[Bell rings]

Oh, why can't I resist
that silver minx?

She's like a fine steak,
aged to perfection.

- Oopsy!
- Oh!

[Both moaning]

- Oh, Archie!
- Oh, Miss Grundy!

- Call me Geraldine.
- Well, somehow that's even

grosser sounding
than Miss Grundy.

[Moaning] Oh, your tongue
is rough. Hmm.

- You've a bad girl, Miss Grundy!
- Is that the best you've got?

Hi, I'm producer Greg Berlanti.

You're watching the original
un-aired pilot

for "Riverdale" on the CW.

The first note from the network was

"For the love of all that's holy,

please make Miss Grundy
instead of ."

Bad note, but whatevs.
Their second note was to definitely

cut this next part out of the script.

Who's up for a human centipede ...
with cheese?!

Encyclopedia Brown, who forgot
to flush the toilet again?

For the answer to the mystery

of who forgot to flush the
toilet again, turn to page .

It was me!

I hate snakes, Jock, I hate 'em!

Henry, I know you're taking
the divorce very hard,

but there's someone
I want you to meet.

- Steven?
- Hiya, sssport!

Your mom sssays
you're a real ssspecial guy!

How'd you like a catchersss mitt?

- Huh, little man?
- [Grunts] I'll never love you!

- Henry! Oh!
- Give him sssome time.

You've got a ssswell...

ssssssson there.

[Applause]
[Music]

Hey, legless, you're in my seat.

Now, sssir, you're sssloshed.
I think it would be better

for everyone if you'd ssscram.

Why don't you unhinge that
jaw and ssssuck my cock?

- Stop! You'll k*ll him!
- Aah!

I don't know, Indy, it
doesn't sound like any of that

- was the snake's fault.
- Also, he swallowed my mother.

Wow, talk about burying the lede.

Rock, paper, scissors.

sh**t!
Oh! Rock beats scissors.

Narrator: Edward threw "paper"
that time, but how could she know?

How could she know?

Man: As kids, we attained
the ability to transform

into any animal we touched.

Yeah, we're Animorphs,
and we're in college, yo!

[Cats meow]

[Purring]

Ha ha, yeah!
All right! High-five!

Man # : Oh, Cassie,
you're a girl and I'm ...

- This is gonna make my father furious!
- Bark, bark, bark!

- Bark!
- Whoa?!

- I knew you were cheating on me!
- Jake, I can explain! [Cries]

Hey, just out of curiosity, what
was your explanation gonna be?

- Oh, no. We forgot to study!
- No worries. I got this.

[Buzzing]

Oh, God!
Marco!

Man # : So, Dexter, tell me why
you think you're M.I.T. material.

Surely you are joking!
Ah, I see.

Trying to justify your salary.

Well, I was a boy genius.

I built a secret laboratory
at age seven

where I created
brilliant inventions.

Right, but I don't see
any extracurriculars here.

Um, extracurriculars?
I'm sorry, I'm confused.

Like, you know, sports,
clubs, student council,

- a single kiss from a girl.
- I can clone human beings.

I've made time machine
and a time expansion helmet.

So no extracurriculars?

[Groans angrily]
I'll show you extracurriculars.

[Laughs]

♪♪

Dexter, Dexter, guess what?!
I got into M. I. T.,

Harvard, and Yale because
I'm so well-rounded!

What were the last two?

Harvard and Yale!

[Laughs]
Harvard and Yale.

At last! A mini bust of
Burgess Merediths' Penguin.

Ah!

Oh, not that my collection of
nerd paraphernalia is complete,

I can finally start living
a life of rewarding personal

relationships and get on a healthy
regiment of diet and exercise.

[Breathes heavily]

Get, get ...
Get right on that.

_
♪♪

_

Man-E Faces, you are...
not the father!

I knew it! Yes!
[Audience gasping]

- But you are!
- Aw, damn it!

[Robotically] Cash me outside.
How 'bout that?!

Livewire, Toyman, show me
your plans to destroy Supergirl

- and I will fund the best idea.
- Feast your eyes, Maxwell Lord.

A m*llitary as*ault vehicle
made out of pure kryptonite.

- Very intriguing.
- What the hell is that?

- Kryptonite vibrator.
- That is absurd.

Why not make a kryptonite
sword or use kryptonite b*ll*ts?

This way, she does
all the work for us. [Laughs]

That's ... that's idiotic!

Tell you what,
I'll fund both projects,

then we'll see who kills
Supergirl first.

_

The time has arrived.
Livewire, show me your device.

[Rattling]

Money well spent.
Toyman, your turn.

Oh, me, ready for me ...
um, okay, here we go.

So I might have over-promised.

It turns out there's a reason
Ford and GM

don't build cars out of f*cking rock.

Well, at any rate, now
it's time to k*ll Supergirl.

- Now?!
- Now?!

[Kid laughs]

There she is!
Run her down! [Laughs]

No matter.
Fire the weapons.

Uh, yeah, so no weapons.

I actually spent my entire
budget on the stone workers.

Freakin' prima donnas.
They all think they're Michelangelo.

Ow! Ooh!
Livewire, you're up.

Look.
Um...

I tried to make a kryptonite vibrator,

but I ran out of time,
so I painted a regular vibrator

with glow-in-the-dark paint.

Just take it. Please, please?
I'll give you $ .

Come on, take it.
Take it, take it.

You're making me look
like a real assh*le

in front of my friends.
[Groans]

All right.

I really shouldn't but... [Chuckles]
it's a Tuesday.

[Bell tolls]

I lied! It really was
a kryptonite vibrator.

So you mean to tell me that
Supergirl accepted a vibrator

a super-villain handed
to her on the street

- and actually put into her...
- This is a g*dd*mn funeral!

Oh, I'm so happy
to have my boys home

from a long day of fighting.

Oh, no!
Grandma's having a stroke!

But whatever does not
k*ll us makes us stronger.

Up your butt, Nietzsche!

Ow, mein arm!
Ah!

Yah!

[Zapping]

Announcer: And now
watch a guy named Chet

choose a girlfriend
by dating her mom!

It's MTV's "Date My Mom!"

A castle?
This family's loaded!

Just call me Belle.

I like Belle 'cause
she's super smart and sh*t.

She was reading on our date
and using big words and sh*t,

so that's kind of hot.

- So tell me about your daughter.
- She loves reading Tolstoy

- and Gabrielle Garcia Marquez and...
- Totally. Same.

Is she hot, though?

[Doorbell rings]

Whoa!

I wouldn't mind Mrs. Rabbit
gnawing on this carrot.

- So tell me about your daughter.
- Well, she's so sweet

- and gets very good grades.
- Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh.

Uh-huh. Huh?

The best part of my date
with Mrs. Rabbit

was when she had big boobs.
The worst part

was when I realised I had
to throw away my swim trunks

'cause I peed white.

Yeah, he did jizz
his pants a few times.

I pretended not to notice,
but I definitely noticed.

[Growls]

My final date is
with a bear, seriously?

[Growls]

You want me to ask them
to put up the bumpers?

[Roars]
Okay, okay, no bumpers!

The worst part of my date, when
the bear mauled a little boy.

I watched the light leave his eyes,

and I realized life is fleeting
and we gotta make the most of it.

Tomorrow, I'm gonna
choose the big-boob lady.

Belle, I had a chill time with you.

But time spent reading
is time not boning!

Sorry. I do not want
to date your daughter.

No, no, rejected.
Get back in the limo.

Bear, you're a bear, and I'm
afraid your daughter is a bear.

So I do not want
to date your bear.

[Roars]

Damn!
That bear is hot!

So, yeah, Mrs. Rabbit,
I obviously chose your daughter.

Let's see her!
Come on, baby! Bring her out!

[Laughs]

- No!
- Give me a kiss!

Can I take it all back?
Is the bear-girl still here?

- Please!
- Start making babies, you two.

- Oh, yeah!
- No, no!

- Babies, give me!
- No, no, no!

IIIII...

fuuuuuuu-ck

youuuuur...

moooooo...

mmm.
Slow burn.

♪♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪

- Ba-gawk!
- Bawk.