04x04 - Daddy Lessons

[bunniefuu]

Zoey: After high school,
our parents ship us off

with an unconscionably high
tuition check

and an economy-sized
box of pork ramen

to have college finish
their dirty work for them --

the work of turning us
into adults.

And while they hope
we don't end up arrested...

♪ Yeah, I'm ba-a-a-d
to the bone ♪

...pregnant...

or dead,

they generally don't
want to know the details

of what it takes
for us to get there.

We're your problem now,
college.

As for Vivek,
his road to adulthood

as a high-flying, infamous
college drug dealer...

[ Siren blips ]
No. Heidi, don't!

What the hell?

...had finally taken
a hard left turn,

and he was desperately
trying to get back on track.

Vivek:
I have a near-perfect GPA,

I have made the Dean's List
for four consecutive semesters,

and I have had
consensual, safe sex

with, like, only two people,

which is why I am begging you to
please reconsider my expulsion.

So, while Vivek's parents
shipped their son to Cal U

with the confidence that
college would finish

the job they started...

After listening to
your testimony

and reviewing the criminal
charges against you...

...the board has decided to
deny your appeal.

[ Sighs ]

In the next 24 hours,

we'll be revoking
your scholarship,

ending your financial aid,

and notifying
your parents.

My parents?

...they were now about to have
their son

return to them incomplete --

and possibly find out
every single dirty detail.

♪ Watch out, world,
I'm grown now ♪

♪ I'm grown ♪

♪ Learn something new
every day ♪

♪ I don't know,
so I'mma feel my way ♪

♪ Got the weight of
the world on me ♪

♪ But no regrets ♪

♪ This is what I say ♪

♪ Watch out, world,
I'm grown now ♪

♪ I'm grown ♪
♪ You can tell me ♪

♪ My heart b*ating so loud ♪

♪ Mama, look, I'm grown now ♪

♪ I'm grown ♪

Hey. There he is.

How you feeling,
big guy?

Like I ruined my life.

Yeah.
I can see that.

It's like a dark cloud
that kind of

followed you
as you walked in.

I think what Aaron
meant to say was

even though that may
seem like it now,

there's definitely
a bright side.

Like?

Like no more
early classes,

no more papers,
no more homework,

which is fine, 'cause
you're, like, a genius.

A real one, not like
how we tell Luca.

Yeah, yeah,
and look,

you have a six-month
head start on getting a job.

It's like you told me
when I dropped out --

you don't really
need college anyway.

I mean, you could be the next
Zuckerberg or -- or Jobs,

or Stanley Steemer
Carpet Cleaner.
[ Gasps ] Ooh.

I love you guys,

and I'm sure there's some
truth in here,

but...it's hard to believe
anything short of

my life being completely ruined.

[ Cellphone beeps ]

And on top of everything else...

[ Cellphone clatters ]

...my parents keep
blowing my phone up.

The school must have
notified them.

Mm.
Maybe not.

Maybe they're calling
to say someone is dead.

Oh.
You think so?

Yeah.

My Granmami Vikash
recently had pneumonia.

Perfect. Perfect.

That would definitely
overshadow your bad news.

[ Cellphone beeps ]

Damn it.

Okay, my grandma's still alive,
but even worse,

my folks are on their way here
to deal with me.

[ Cellphone clatters ]

[ Inhales deeply ]

[ Indistinct chatter ]

Yo! Y'all good?

What's up, my boy?

[ R&B music playing loudly
through walls ]

Come on. Freshmen.

Come on.

[ Exhales sharply ]

Ay-yo!

This is your Resident Advisor,

and I'm advising you to
turn your music down!

Sorry.

I, uh, I didn't realize
my music was up so loud.

I kind of just, like --

I got lost
in my own world.

Yeah, well, I'ma need you to
bring it back down

to this world,
a'ight?

Rules are rules.

Yeah.
No problem.

Won't happen again.

Kiela, by the way.

And Doug.

Come on, B.

Yo, the common area's
right here.

They could
smell that.
Yeah.

[ Sighs ] They don't
pay me enough to do this.

Yo, you know this is
against Cal U rules, right?

It's in your little handbook.
Where your handbook at?

But, um --
[ Laughs ]

I mean, Cal U's not gonna
find out, though, right?

[ Sighs ]
I mean, come on.

You don't have
the face of a snitch.

Don't do it again.

Mm-hmm.
[ Sighs ] Man.

Yo, this is the block
right by my auntie's crib.

[ Chuckles ]
You're a Queens kid?

[ Clicks tongue ]
Born and raised.

I used to want to hang out
over there, like, all the time,

but my dad
would never let me.

Yo, he was just trying to
protect you from dudes like me.

Yeah?
Yeah, I'm the reason why you
wasn't allowed on that block.

Really?
Yeah.

'Cause, um, you don't have
the face of a bad boy, either.

Well, I did once steal
a bodega cat.

[ Chuckles ]

♪ We're going to daycare,
first day of school ♪

♪ So Mama can get
to class on...time ♪

No. No.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no.

♪

[ Thud ]
[ Sighs ]

Damn it!

I called my parents

hoping to hash it out
over the phone,

but they refuse to hear
anything I have to say.

And they're
already on their way.

I'm frickin' screwed.

Dude, I know you're scared
to face your parents,

but what are they gonna do?

k*ll you?
Maybe.

They literally immigrated here
so I could graduate

from an American university.

And all our family
back in India believes

I'm gonna be the first Shah
to graduate college.

I'm a failure on not one,
but two continents.

Well, what exactly do they know
about what went down?

That I got expelled
because I got caught

with a boatload of dr*gs.
Did you?

Or did their
honorable, studious son

find himself in a car
with a White girl

who had a bunch
of dr*gs on her?

Change. The. Story.

What do you mean?

I mean, nobody really knows
what happened that night

unless you were there.

Blame it on Heidi.

Tell them
that caramel-haired,

blue-eyed seductress
lured you in,

and the second
she got caught

for behavior that you
knew nothing of,

she framed her sweet,
innocent, Brown boyfriend.

Damn,
that's pretty good.
Mm-hmm.

I could even tell them
that she pressured me

into writing her term paper
in exchange for sex.

Oh, less is more, dude.
Less is more.

Yeah, no, don't do that.

Jazz,
what are you doing, okay?
Huh?

This man's been walking the path
of deception for four years.

You got to just rip
the Band-Aid of lies off,

and you will set yourself free.

[ Doorbell rings ]

Is it them?

I do kinda want to
see them k*ll you.

♪

I don't think
I can do this.

Okay, Vivek,
relax.

The truth is,
no matter how bad it is,

they'll always
love you.

Yes.

[ Doorbell rings ]

Dad?

You got married
in Mexico!

I don't love you
anymore!

♪

Blame. That.
White. Girl.

So, here I am, thinking
my biggest problem

was being audited
yet again

because the IRS can't stand

when a Black man gets creative
with his Petco receipts.

But really, my bigger problem
was uncovered by my tax man

when he found a mysterious
credit card charge

for a wedding chapel in Mexico!

So, now I have to worry
about you and the IRS?!

No. Absolutely not.
Dad, just let me explain --

Explain it to your mother.

Because it furthered her
suspicions about me and Maritza.

[ Whispering ]
Who's Maritza?
[ Sighs ]
Our cleaning lady.

Our beautiful, intelligent,
underappreciated

domestic goddess.

Dad, if you just
listen to me for a second,

it turned out

our marriage
was not even legal.

Oh.

And you knew this
before you went into it?

I mean, I --

N-No.

So, when you entered into
the Mexican chapel with him,

your intention was to
get legally married?

[ Normal voice ]
Uh, Mr. Johnson,

if I may respectfully
interject here,

uh, this sounds
much worse than it was.
Absolutely.

Our judgment was off.
Mm-hmm.

We had obviously
been drinking.

Not --
Uh, not a lot.

We hadn't been
drinking a lot,

but we just thought
it would be fun,

like, a spontaneous
situation,

and just a spur of
the moment, like, uh, lark.

A lark?
[ Laughing ] Yeah.

[ Laughs ]
You know what
lark means?

Boy, you wild. [ Laughs ]
Thank you.

Now shut your ass up.

Yes, sir.
[ Sighs ]

You continue to make bad
decision after bad decision,

which ultimately ends up with
me having to bail you out.

Wait, your dad posted bail
in Mexico?

Who the [bleep] needed to be
bailed out in Mexico?

No.
No, just Aaron

and a handful
of naughty Mexicans.

Yeah.

Look, Zoey, I didn't think
it could get much worse

after your whole
cheating scandal

and then you dropping
out of college.

But this time, you have
truly outdone yourself.

Hell, Zoey, I don't even
know what to say.

You're not just
a disappointment anymore.

You're an embarrassment.

Okay.

Understood.

Well, Dad, thanks so much
for coming all this way

to tell me that
and humiliate me.

I really
appreciate it.

♪

I'm just gonna
check on her.

Yeah, you do that.

♪

Yo.

I can't believe I'm high
with a resident.

And a freshman.

Yo, does this make me
a bad RA?

Or does this make me
a bad person?

No.

Okay?
Not at all.

That shirt makes you
a bad person.

What's wrong
with my shirt?

Should I change it?

Or you could just,
like...take it off.

I mean...

♪

Feelin'
a little better?

I am.

This smoothie put me
in a lighter place.

It's the creatine.

Bad for the testicles,
great for the spirit.

Ah.

Just like Maritza.
[ Chuckles ]

Can I ask you
a question, sir?

Yeah.

I know you're upset
with Zoey right now,

but with all the bad stuff
she's done,

is there ever a world where
she does something so awful

that you wouldn't
be able to forgive her?

Now, we talking
stepping on my sneakers

or murdering half a town?

Not that there's
a significant difference.

What about, like...
I don't know,

she sold dr*gs and maybe
got herself expelled?

Is that why
she's in Mexico?

Is my baby girl
a mule?!
No! No!

This is totally
unrelated to Zoey.

Just a fun game of
questions, you know?
Okay.

Trying to gauge where
a parent draws the line

when it comes to
forgiveness.

Look, there is no line
for forgiveness

between a parent
and a child.

But God knows I would be
devastated if I found out

that my kid was living
some sort of lie

and I didn't know
who she was.

Right.

Yeah,
but I have to imagine

that the hardest part
would be...

rebuilding a relationship
with a stranger.

But you would want to
rebuild that relationship?

Of course I would.
That's my flesh and blood.

Now, obviously, if we're
talking about Junior,

you know,
none of that applies.

He'd be dead to me.

So, please, tell me
we're talking about Junior,

because I've been looking for
a reason to turn my back on him.

♪

"Take good notes"?
Really?

You're just gonna text that
to your best friend

without any explanation of
why you're blowing off class?

Ana, please don't --
No, no, I am so
stressed right now!

I'm trying to take notes for
myself, and now you want --
Dude! Dude!

The daycare
shut down, okay?

I had Luna in one hand,
I had my phone in the other.

I didn't have time
to give you, like,

an explanation
or politely beg.

Oh, wow. Okay.

Um, what's the plan,
then?

Obviously don't have
a plan.

I thought maybe that I
could take her to class,

but that would have been a
disaster 'cause she's a toddler

and she doesn't sit still
for, like, ever,

and also someone taught her
the word "pinga,"

and she doesn't stop
saying it.

Sorry about that.

Yeah.

Look, I know
today was rough...

Mm.
...but, um, look at
the bright side --

you just missed
one class.

You'll find a babysitter

and you'll be back in class
in no time.

Ana, when am I gonna
find a babysitter?

Between Luna, between class,

between studying
for the LSATs,

I barely have time to
go to the bathroom,

let alone find
a babysitter.

And I would ask Phil,
but I can't ask Phil,

because his one and only
text message to me

said something
along the lines of,

"I want nothing to do
with you or our baby,"

so I don't really think
he would be a lot of help.

You know,
as hard as it was

to be at my parents'
during the pandemic,

I at least had a village.

They were full-time,
around-the-clock help,

[Voice breaking]
and now I'm, like,

back to struggling
and doing it on my own.

Okay. Okay.
What can I do to help?

Nothing. Nothing.

I'm just having
a moment right now.

[ Sniffles ]

Luna: Pinga. [ Laughs ]

I'll fix that.

[ Knock on door ]

[ Sighs ]
[ Knock on door ]

Mom. Dad.

May we come in?

Uh, sure. Yeah.

Obviously, we have
a lot to talk about.

♪

So, after a day of
contemplating

how he should
handle his parents,

Vivek realized
the best thing to do

was to approach them
like an adult --

with the truth.

So, here it is.

Um, I'll lay it out for you
the only way I know how.

I am...

a drug dealer.

I've been dealing dr*gs
since I came to college.

Um, before I got caught,
my plan was to stop,

but instead, I got, um, arrested
and, um, expelled.

And so Vivek told his parents
everything that contributed

to his detour
on the road to adulthood.

I love you.

And I promise,
I'm not that person anymore.

And from here on out,
there'll be no more lies,

so we can start
rebuilding our relationship.

Oh.

Oh, Vivek.

[ Sniffles ]

I suppose you could have
continued to lie,

but you chose the courageous
path and came clean.

And I appreciate that.

I'm so glad
to hear that, Dad.

But now, having a clear idea
of who you are,

I realize...

you are not my son.

And I have no desire to rebuild
any kind of relationship

with this person
you have become.

♪

Hello.

Hey.

I didn't realize
you were still here,

making food.

Well, your roommate
needed some advice,

and when I decided
to leave,

I realized my keys
were in the same room

as him and his parents.

Vermont cheddar?

Look, Zoey --

Actually, Dad,
can I say something?

Yeah.

Contrary to what you
just accused me of,

you know I have
never called you once

to bail me out of any situation,
because I figured it out.

And I'm not
trying to dismiss

or make light of
the many mistakes I've made,

but I've owned up,

and I-I've dealt with
the repercussions.

I figured it out

when I dropped out of school
and had to re-enroll

and then again when
I had to play catch-up

in the middle of
a global pandemic.

I know I may not be
doing things

exactly the way
you want me to,

but please believe
I am getting them done.

[ Sighs ]

Everything you said
is right.

For the last 21 years,

I have been looking out
for you, baby girl,

and it's really,
really hard to let go.

But you're gonna
have to at some point

so I can grow into
the adult I'm gonna be.

Maybe you're right.
[ Sighs ]

And maybe as an adult,
you need to start

paying for your own
credit card.

I mean, I'm always gonna be
your wittle girl, though.

[ Chuckles ]

Yes, you will be,
Zoey.

Now give me
some love.

Come on, baby.

Hey.
Mm?

I just want to say
that I'm sorry

for some of the hurtful, nasty
things that I said to you.

Thank you.

Now, we both know
that you are not

the biggest disappointment
in this family.

Right?

It's your mama.
Oh.

But all that will change
when you get your new mami.

Then we're just gonna have to
find us, uh, a new housekeeper.

[ Crunching ]

♪

Doug: There's this
new girl at Hawkins.

She got body
going crazy.

Like "waifish model" body or
more like Texas rotund body?

Mm, she more like...

like a fit snowman.
Mm.

Respectfully.

That's just how
I like 'em, too.

Sticks for arms...
Mm.

...cold, dark eyes,
a smoker...

Hey, man,
and she dope.

I mean, we only kicked it
for a couple of hours,

but she cool as hell.

I mean,
as a snowman is.
Mm-hmm.

Sounds like Frosty's seconds
away from getting pounded out.

Hey, man,
we shall see.

We shall see.
We shall see.

We shall see.

What the hell?
Oh, my God.

Uh...Doug,

unfortunately,
this is my little sister.

[ Chuckles ] sh*t.
My RA.

Yeah, yeah, yeah,
your RA.

And your big brother's
best friend.

Best friend?

I feel like that could use
a conversation, but...

I'm sorry, but, um,
I-I forgot your name.

What was it again?
Um...Dom?

It's Doug.
Oh.

And he was actually telling me
about this beautiful girl

at Hawkins he was
hoping to pound out.

Was he?

I didn't say "pound."

♪

[ Luna murmurs ]

[ Quietly ] Hey.
Hi.

You feeling
any better?

Um, a little bit.

[ Paper rustles ]

What is this?

It's a few phone numbers
for some babysitters.

I got them from the
School of Early Education,

and before you ask, yes,
I've already started

screening, vetting,
checking references,

and performing extensive
criminal background checks.

That's very sweet.

Thank you.
Of course.

Look, you may be a single mom,
but you're not alone.

Consider me
your village.

Thank you.

[ Sniffles ]

♪

Our parents may not want to
know the dirty details

we encounter on the road
to adulthood,

but sometimes,
they're simply too big to hid.

Hey, I thought this may
help you feel better.

♪ So every night ♪

No matter what's
happening,

it's not even gonna matter
in the long run.

My father hates me.

♪ You come creeping
from behind ♪

I'm sure....

I'm sure he doesn't.

♪

♪ The night has fallen,
night has fallen down ♪

Okay, it says here you managed
a multigenerational household.

You watched five kids --
Yeesh.

You cook -- like that.
Clean -- like that.

Speak multiple languages,
and you're CPR certified.

I mean, clearly, you have
a ton of experience.

It's just --
[ Chuckles ]

[ Through teeth ] I don't
understand why in the world

this family
would let her go.

[ Through teeth ]
I don't know.

It's the one thing I couldn't
get to the bottom of.

Hmm.

Do you mind
just telling us

why the Johnson family
let you go, Maritza?

♪