01x01 - Late Registration

[bunniefuu]

♪♪

DRE: Whyyyyy?!

My God.

It had only been three days
since I left home

and my dad was already .

It hurts so bad!

What hurts so bad, Dad?

My soul!

Dad, stop, seriously.

But you don't understand, Zo-Zo.

The world is a dangerous place now!

College is totally different
than when I was coming up.

Okay, dude, you had Freaknik.

♪ Shake them things, baby ♪

♪ Shake them things, baby ♪

♪ Shake, shake them things, baby ♪

♪ Shake them things, baby ♪

♪ Pop, pop ♪...

Lies!

Propaganda!

Freaknik never happened!

Okay, there are YouTube videos,

one of which I'm actually
pretty sure you're in.

♪ Unh, unh, get it, get it ♪

♪ Unh, unh, get it, get it ♪

Okay, it was amazing.

And there's not a day that goes
by that I don't think about it.

But I don't want that for you!

Dad, I don't want that for me.

You know, I got to go.

No! No, no, no, no, no.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Um, when you come home this weekend,

can we watch
"The Breakfast Club" together?

Dad, I'm not coming home this weekend.

Aaaah!

But that's our favorite!

Don't forget about me!

That was the song's one rule.

- Bye, Dad.
- [PHONE CLICKS]

Three days.

Shell of a man.

♪ Watch out, world, I'm grown now ♪

♪ I'm grown ♪

♪ Learn something new every day ♪

♪ I don't know know,
so I'ma feel my way ♪

♪ Got the weight of the world on me ♪

♪ But no regrets, this is what I say ♪

♪ Watch out world, I'm grown now ♪

- ♪ I'm grown ♪
- ♪ You can tell me ♪

♪ My heart b*ating so loud ♪

♪ Mama, look, I'm grown now ♪

♪ I'm grown ♪

♪ I was out of your league ♪

ZOEY: I'd been in college
for three days,

and at that moment, there was no way

my dad or anyone
couldn't have told me that

I didn't already know
everything I needed to know

to completely master this place

the same way I had in high school.

♪ Out of my league ♪

I knew it all.

I knew that Ronald J. Winthrop
was our school founder,

and that he dabbled in sl*very.

I knew that the Cal U
basketball team of

would get bodied by the Cal U
basketball team today.

I knew that this
was the women's bathroom

and also the men's bathroom.

I knew this was the campus hot spot...

this was the campus lame spot...

and this was the campus dead spot.

Hold on, Mom!

Did you say Dad was gay or game?

Gay or game?

Hello?

Damn it, Mom! Hello?!

Ugh, hey. [LAUGHS]

This reception is...

♪ Drug boy's steady sh**ting ♪

But the one thing
I didn't know about college,

that I'd never admit
to my dad or anybody else,

was that in all actuality,

I would soon discover
that I didn't know anything.

♪ We're trapped inside the matrix ♪

Which was obvious because I was
enrolled in a midnight class

that no one in their right mind
would ever want to be in.

♪ The kids don't stand a chance ♪

♪ I said the kids don't ♪

♪ The kids don't stand ♪

♪ The kids don't stand a chance ♪

And I especially didn't know that

the same film my dad begged
me to watch this weekend,

the same film that ignited
our father-daughter bond,

the film that taught me how to
apply lipstick with my boobs,

would be way closer to
my real life than I ever knew.

Good evening, everyone.

If you're here for the Digital
Marketing Strategies class,

you've come to the correct place.

If you're here to inquire
about the listing for

a mixed-breed litter of

premature breech terrier puppies...

[PUPPIES WHINING]

You've also come to the correct place.

I am Professor Dr. Charles Telphy.

Okay, freeze.

First of all, he's not a doctor,

and the fact that he's a professor

totally blows my mind.

I knew Charlie as the weird guy
my dad works with.

All we got to do is
plant some cocaine in her desk.

I'm pregnant and I hate you!

- Okay.
- [SCREAMING]

Somehow, he's managed
to keep his day job

while teaching this class.

As adjunct professor for
the midnight-to- : -AM

"after-night-school" program,

I welcome you to a unique,
new educational frontier.

Most of our jobs don't allow us to

go to school during normal hours.

[CHUCKLES] Whores.

But the daylight belongs to the meek.

The bold own the night.

And with it, the future.

We're just into tomorrow
before anyone else.

[BEEPING]

Do you hear that?

That's tomorrow happening today.

Now, this syllabus right here

is gonna break down the entire course

starting with week one... drones.

Week two, drones from the past.

Week three, drones of the future.

Basically, this will be
an all-drones class.

- Why?
- 'Cause they arose me.

So, just like "The Breakfast Club,"

these six losers who I normally

never would have even spoken to,

would not only become my friends,

but some of the closest people
to me in my life.

Like Nomi... she's my boo.

What the [Bleep] are you looking at?

But it didn't exactly
start off that way.

See, Nomi wasn't your typical
Jewish-American princess.

In fact, she wasn't
your typical anything.

She liked Rottweilers

and moshing at
Swedish death-metal concerts.

She was a liberated woman

who didn't conform
to the boundaries or laws

that her family, society,

or of the states
deemed acceptable.

And then there were these two.

Hey, I'm Jazlyn! She's Skyler.

Are you guys...

- Twins?
- BOTH: Totally.

B.T. Dubs, your hair is everything.

Despite their Simi Valley accent,

the twins from
Tyler Perry's "The Shining"

were actually from the hood.

They were also
Cal U's hottest track recruits,

which meant they were
judged about everything,

just like the young, Black,
female athletes

who came before them
were scrutinized about

their speed, their bodies,
even their edges.

But America's darlings
were a far cry from this guy,

who had a different opinion
about America.

This one's "Black Lives Matter,"
I got "I Can't Breathe,"

"Michelle ,"
"Justice for Kalief Browder,"

and "Free Assata Shakur."

Oh, and what's the bracelet for?

Um, that just...

lets the EMTs know [WHISPERING]
that I have a peanut allergy.

Aaron and I met
during freshman orientation.

He was a super-hot sophomore
with a bunch of forearm tattoos

who somehow, against all odds,
made a ducktail work.

Seriously, that should not work, right?

But questionable hair choices aside,

he had big plans to change the world.

Um, BSU's protesting the fact that Cal U

is changing the blackboards
to whiteboards.

Why would they do that?

- [SNICKERING]
- Here we go.

This dude.

Uh, is, uh, something funny, bro?

Nah, we get it.

You're, um, "woke."

Baby Basquiat over here is Luca,

the only freshman fly enough
to rock the same skirt as me

and make me think about changing.

But not everyone was a fan.

Okay, my bad for
caring about the culture.

Maybe I should be more like you

and spend all my free time
ring shopping.

But then when would you have
time to look for buttons?

Dude, would you keep it down?

This isn't the Magic Johnson Theatre.

[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYS]

[MUSIC STOPS]

But it'd be cool if it were.
[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]

He's a community entrepreneur.

So that dude who was about to
get "World Starred" was Vivek,

a first-generation Gujarati Indian

born to a devoutly Hindu family.

He was a straight-A student
and a National Merit Scholar,

and he had big dreams

of following in the footsteps
of his hero.

[CHUCKLES] No, not him.

And thank God not him.

Him.

♪♪

So, I'm pretty sure you're
wondering how a girl like me,

with perfectly threaded
eyebrows and J.Law-level charm

wound up in a midnight class

full of puppies and meth addicts.

Well, you weren't the only one.

Uh, apparently some people
in the administration

are scrutinizing over
the legitimacy of this class.

- [DRONE BUZZING]
- [LAUGHS]

[CHUCKLES]

Crazy, right? [LAUGHS]

So, a survey will be going around.

Per protocol, I have to step out.

Feel free to talk amongst yourselves

why you wanted to enroll in this class.

And it would be greatly appreciated

if you leave out any mention
of breech terrier puppies

that may or may not actually be coyotes.

Well, I know why I'm here.

I enjoy taking classes
taught by Black professors.

Unfortunately, he's one of them.

But you... why... why are you here?

[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]

- Oh, no!
- [LAUGHTER]

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

Uh.

Why am I here?

- Yeah.
- Well, psht!

Drones. I love 'em.

[SCOFFS] This dude.

Am I right?

All the buttons?

Sure.

[DRONE BUZZING]

All right, so I'm not gonna lie,

I'm not in this class
because I love drones.

Although they are pretty cool.

It's like we gave a bunch of
cameras to birds.

But again, not why I'm here,

and I'm not about to
put my business on blast

to these six randos who
I'm stuck in drone class with.

Well, I can't put
the real reason I'm in here.

My uncle reads this.

You know, Nomi, Cal U is where
I met your second aunt.

Was she the one you lost to Hedonism II?

Yeah.

The rippin' and the tearin'.

The rippin' and the tearin'.

Nomi's uncle was Bert Parker,
the Dean of Students,

and despite his eight failed marriages,

he seemed oddly more preoccupied

with Nomi finding the right guy

than her finding the right class.

Perhaps you'll find love here, too.

Mm, hot tip,

most of the young,
eligible Jewish guys...

- Yeah?
- ...hang out right over there.

We call that area "Little Boca."

♪♪

But unbeknownst to anyone
in her family...

Nomi and her newfound sexual freedom

had other things in mind.

You know, I really have to
go to the bathroom.

I had, like, some questionable sushi.

- Oh.
- I'll be back.

Okay.

- [BOTH BREATHING HEAVILY]
- Oh!

♪♪

_

So, I should just, uh,
put "drones," right?

- Yeah, definitely, definitely.
- Okay.

- Just a drone situation.
- Yeah.

I think I might be a "drone" guy, too.

Yes, Mummi, I've signed up
for the statistics club.

Thank Auntie Beena
for the Ganesh statue.

It got here in one piece.

And tell Puppa-Ji I'll call him
tonight to go over my classes,

and before you ask,
they're all S.T.E.M....

no arts, no humanities,
no physical activities.

Yo, Vivek!

Mom, let me call you back.

I just saw some of
my engineering friends.

Those were not his engineering friends.

I got Molly, I got Oxy, I got Roxy.

I got Xanies, I got Percs, I got Addies.

And this...

This is a really strong decongestant.

So, Vivek grew up poor.

His parents wanted him
to be an engineer,

and he did too,

but he wasn't willing to wait
eight years to ball out.

BOTH: A drug dealer?

Hey, I'm not a drug dealer.

I just get pills at
a lesser price from a guy

and sell them at a markup.

I mean, it's not like I'm gonna
sh**t you or anything.

[CHUCKLES]

Unless you don't pay,

then my boy Lil' Puppet
will definitely do it.

Oh, my God, I'm totally a drug dealer.

Yeah.

Lil' Puppet?

Oh, well.

So I'm assuming you guys
are putting "drones" too?

- Uh...
- Um...

You know those picture-perfect
Sports Illustrated cover girls?

Hello, girls.

BOTH: Hey, Dean Parker.

Well, don't judge a magazine
by the cover.

What is your bum-ass problem, girl?

Make up your damn mind, already.

Excuse me?

Which class can I take
without you in it?

Anything at UCLA.

Bye, bitch.

Ugh!

Yep, under those smiles,
that's who they really were.

But as their father
always drilled into them,

no one wants two ratchet-ass girls

on the front of a cereal box.

Kind of disagree with your pops.

That might actually bring Wheaties back.

Whatever, dude.

Are you putting down "drones" or not?

Nah, I'm just gonna put down
that I don't really care.

♪♪

Wow, so you still smoke cigarettes?

So you, like, really don't care?

I don't.

So, are you gonna tell us what's
behind your drone story or what?

These six weirdos just bared their soul

and everyone seems
cool with their truth.

So, why can't I?

All right, guys, so I got to be honest.

I don't love drones.

I mean, I do,
it's how we caught Bin Laden,

but not why I'm here.

Okay, so this is what happened.

It was the day before registration,

and I was at the coffee shop...

Who got the venti black iced tea,

extra water, extra ice,
pumps classic sweetener?

- Oh, right here.
- That's me.

Analisa Patricia Torres

was born in Miami to Cuban immigrants.

[BOTH LAUGH]

She was a devout Catholic

and an even more devout Republican...

with a secret shame.

So, Ana and I hit it off immediately.

We had a ton in common.

I mean, we're both freshman,

she loved my hair,
I love that she loved my hair.

How could you not?

And everything just
got better from there.

♪♪

Some older girls I knew from high school

invited me to a party.

I brought Ana with me

because she was my first college friend.

This is, like, a real party.

Yeah.

Oh, God. I'm nervous.

No. No, don't worry.

I got you, Ana. Just be cool.

Okay, you're right.

Just be cool, Analisa.

Oh, my God, I'm so excited
I think I got to poop.

- Oh.
- Hey, Zoey.

ZOEY: Hi!

Who wants Cîroc gummies?

♪♪

And the next thing you know,

me and Ana were at
our first college day party.

♪ Brought out the pink Lamborghini ♪

♪ Just to race with Chyna ♪

♪ Brought the wraith to China
just to race in China ♪

♪ Lil' woman ♪

- ♪ Cut the check ♪
- ♪ Cut the check ♪

♪ Buss it down ♪

♪ Throw the goofy down pound ♪

♪ I'ma do splits on it,
yes, splits on it ♪

- ♪ I'm a bad... ♪
- The party was amazing.

I mean, I was trying to
get Ana to slow her roll,

and she wasn't having it,

but things between us were going great.

[RETCHING]

[CROWD GASPS]

Until they weren't.

- Oh, no!
- [LAUGHTER]

- Dude.
- That's messed up.

[LAUGHTER]

- [GAGGING]
- This situation just got whack.

We should hit up another party.

[GASPING]

Zoey!

You coming, Zoey?

[GASPING]

Where are you going?

[LAUGHTER]

[GAGGING]

_

♪♪

♪♪

Hoo! So there it is.

The truth.

This kind of felt good.

It's a relief to say it
out loud, you know?

Get it off your chest.

Hey, let's go get
some freakin' French toast.

Get it?

It's like a reference to...

Yeah?

Dude, you are a monster.

Yeah.

Yeah.

[MURMURING]

Should've just put down "drones."

Aaron was right. I was a monster.

I'd bailed on another girl
when she needed me most.

I was a terrible person.

Hey, listen. Don't worry about it, okay?

I mean, haven't we all done
something like that before?

You have?

Who, me?

Oh, no. God, no.

I mean, not like that.

That was some East African
genocidal w*rlord sh*t.

Mm-hmm.

Oh.

Wait, I could've sworn you were
trying to make her feel better.

Yeah, that's where I thought
things were heading.

But I don't deserve to feel better

because I should've helped Ana.

Yeah, but you didn't. Why?

Well, because I was a freshman
at an upperclassmen party,

and there were hot guys
everywhere, and...

You know, I-I just wondered what...

what people would think of me.

Yeah, I get that, but why?

What do you mean, "Why?"

Because people's opinions matter.

- Yeah, but why?
- Well, I mean, bec...

These don't feel like questions
any logical human has to answer.

Caring what people think
is me and Jazz's whole life.

It's why we live this fake-ass front.

Yeah. If we don't make it,

we end up back in the hood,

jerking off some guy who sells
incense and tube socks

behind the donut shop.

- Like...
- Whoa.

Okay.

I totally feel like you guys

just skipped over multiple steps
on your spiral down.

- Yeah.
- If we go back home,

we're not just failures to ourselves.

We've let everybody down.

We're losers.

Total disappointments.

I mean, there's jobs at the post office.

The DMV, personal trainer,
those sign-turning guys.

I just feel like
there's a couple other options

before, you know,
the donut-shop situation.

I totally get not wanting
to be a disappointment.

Why do you guys think I haven't
come out to my family yet?

I mean, like,
would they still love me? Sure.

But would they look at me differently?

I don't know, and I don't want to know.

I just... I want to be their daughter,

not their bisexual daughter.

You got to live your life out loud

or else you'll end up like my dad.

Your dad's a closeted bisexual?

Worse, he's a bum.

Ah, that's messed up.

My guy, when's the last time
you've seen him?

I don't know, in person?

Last week when he dropped me off.

We Skyped this morning
about our Catalina trip.

Wait, you Skyped?

Oh, my God, is he one of those

homeless dudes with a cellphone?

That drives me crazy.

- Me too.
- W-What? No.

W-Well, then what is it, bro?

Is he a... he's an alcoholic,
he's on dr*gs, what's up?

He's a [Bleep] cab driver.

A cab driver... who beats your mom?

No, he worships my mom.

Okay, so, like, in Hindi,
does "bum" mean, like,

a present and supportive father?

- Mm. That's got to be what it is.
- Yeah. Totally.

He's a bum because he never tried.

He's a smart guy,

but he's been driving that
stupid cab for years.

Dude's got no ambition.

You mean, other than
fleeing a third-world country?

Developing a high-level
understanding of English?

BOTH: Loving his wife?

And putting his son through college?

Dude's a bum.

I'm a bad person.

- Huh?
- She said she was a bad person.

Yeah, I heard what she said. Thank you.

I want to know why she said it.

Probably 'cause she thinks
she's not a good person.

I don't remember talking to you, bro.

Why don't you just shut the...

How about you...

- Hey, you guys.
- You're always talking.

- You guys.
- Flat-top head.

- [CRYING, SNIFFLING]
- No, 'cause he's always doing that.

- Chill out.
- No, he's a...

Hey. Hey.

I'm sorry.

You all right?

I don't know why, but at that
moment, something came over me.

Maybe it was hearing Vivek
talk about his dad,

or Nomi being honest
about her sexuality,

or maybe it was just because

I'd done such a shitty thing to Ana,

but I felt compelled to keep opening up.

I realized that the first time
I was out on my own,

the first chance
to make my own decision,

I made the wrong one,

and I had done it so easily.

What did that say about me?

Was that the person I really was?

The thought of that scared me,

but I wasn't alone in my feeling.

We were all scared.

♪ We are, we are, we are ♪

One by one, I looked around

and saw a group of strangers
with nothing in common

look at each other
and see their truest selves

reflected in the eyes of people
they would soon call family.

♪ The kids are ♪

In fact, the more we cried,

the more we realized exactly why

we all had stumbled
into this crazy class,

and it wasn't drones.

♪ Do it while you're young ♪

♪ Don't let them tell you no ♪

♪ Don't let them... ♪

Dear Professor Dr. Telphy,

you asked us to write down
why we're taking this class,

and the honest truth is we're scared.

Scared that maybe we're a person

we wouldn't like very much if we met.

Scared we're people who are
gonna let our communities down.

Scared we're people our parents
might think different of

if they really knew.

Scared of becoming our parents,
and in some of our cases,

scared of losing
one of our thumb rings.

♪ Yeah, the kids are all right ♪

That was a moment
that bonded us forever.

It was a moment we never
talked about again.

It was a moment that was ours.

♪ Yeah, the kids are all right ♪

The next night,
I was feeling more confident

that although I would
still make mistakes,

I was determined to make better choices

and be a better person overall.

Hey, Tara, what's up with the box?

Oh.

A new single just opened up
over at Cardinal Towers.

I'm out of here.

So you're moving out?

Yep.

I like to study naked.

It's probably better for both of us.

But don't worry, they already
assigned you a new roommate.

She's in there unpacking.

She seems cool.

Okay.

Ohh.