01x08 - Erase Your Social

[bunniefuu]

♪♪

ZOEY: Social media is everywhere.

It seems like every day there's
a brand new way to chat,

text, hit on, or hate on
the world around us.

In my dad's day, the main
technological advancement

in communication was this.

Dre. Do you know some girl named Lisa?

Lisa?

No, no, I don't know no Lisa.

Oh, oh, you don't know me now?!

Lisa?

Janet?

Dear black Jesus!

How are you both on the line
at the same damn time?

I got three-way calling, you [Bleep].

[RECEIVER SLAMS]

Why would the phone company
do something like this?

And while we're more advanced now,

we're also more dependent
on technology than ever.

[CELLPHONE WHOOSHES, CHIMES] _

One might say we're addicted.

[CELLPHONE DINGS]

♪♪

There's actually scientific evidence

our brains get a boost of dopamine,

like a chemical reward whenever
we get a text or a like.

[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS, DING]

I'd like to say I'm above it all.

But there is nothing better
than sharing the amazing news

of your dream fellowship with
, of your closest friends.

[SIGHS]

♪ Watch out, world, I'm grown now ♪

♪ I'm grown ♪

♪ Learnin' something new every day ♪

♪ I don't know, so I'm-a feel my way ♪

♪ Got the weight of the world on me ♪

♪ But no regrets, this is what I say ♪

♪ Watch out, world, I'm grown now ♪

- ♪ I'm grown ♪
- ♪ You can tell me ♪

♪ My heart b*ating so loud ♪

♪ Mama, look, I'm grown now ♪

♪ I'm grown ♪

[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]

Okay, so I got my fellowship
at Teen Vogue,

and really, it's no big deal.

[A$AP ROCKY'S "FASHION KILLA" PLAYS]

I'm lying.

It's the biggest deal of all time!

[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]

I mean, look at this place.

Can you believe I am barely
getting paid to be here?

The clothes.

♪ Rockin', rollin', swaggin'
to the max, to the max ♪

- ♪ Fashion killa, she be busy poppin' tags ♪
- The people.

♪ She got a lotta Prada,
that Dolce & Gabbana ♪

♪ I can't forget Escada,
and that Balenciaga ♪

The bathroom.

Come on. Baby wipes?

This is just a first-class institution.

I'm not one to be dramatic,

but if today were my last day
on Earth, I'd be okay with it.

I was living an actual dream.

And interestingly enough,
I was living it with my friend.

Well, more like a friend with benefits.

But there's actually not
that many benefits

because he owes me money.

He's more like a friend with history.

But honestly, there's not
that much history, either,

because all we did was
make out a few times.

But he does owe me some money.

Like, a pretty significant
amount of money.

God, Luca is so cute.

I mean, there's maybe three
other people on this planet

that could pull off pajama pants
and Gucci slides.

Yeah, he's bae.

Hey, Luca, remind me again
how you got this job,

because I don't remember you applying.

I didn't.

I was kind of just walking to wherever,

and, uh, this girl came up
to me and was like,

"Your pants are fire."

So here we are.

[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]

Okay, I love your company
and your overall fashion sense,

but you are not the best storyteller.

I just don't think
you're the best listener.

- [CELLPHONE WHOOSHING]
- Remember when I tried to tell you

about my father's alcoholism?

I think he's talking right now,
but I'm not sure because...

[CELLPHONE WHOOSHES]

...this is happening.

[COINS CLANGING]

And, you know, I'm just
wondering if those demons

are gonna follow me throughout my life.

You know?

♪♪

Mm-hmm.

♪♪

I know last week's class
on the Wu Tang Clan

was overwhelming for some of you all.

But please make no mistake.

The section on Raekwon the Chef
will be on the midterm.

Mmkay?

Now, for tonight's class,
our lesson is filing taxes.

More specifically, filing my taxes.

Still more specifically,
how do I file my taxes?

Now, with that being said,
I present to you a pop quiz.

Excuse me, sir.
These are just blank W- s.

That is correct, Joe.

Now, if you all can fill out these forms

using my information,
I'm pretty sure an "A"

will be waiting for you
on the other side.

I've also been told that, uh,
it helps to have receipts, so...

Oh, hey, Miss Teen Vogue.

How's the new gig?

You really have to ask?
Just check her Insta.

What's that supposed to mean?

It just means you're
flooding our feeds, boo.

Yeah, I had to comb through
of your bathroom selfies

just to find a picture of
my cousin getting married.

What? I'm excited. I'm loving my new job

and loving the followers
I'm getting loving my new job.

- Yesterday...
- Hmm?

...Janelle Monae liked one of my photos.

Stop. I can't.
Janelle Monae is so overrated.

- Oh, Nomi, don't do that.
- Don't do what?

The thing you do when you think
that somebody's too famous

and/or successful and you feel like

you have to cut them down to size.

Excuse me, okay?

I may be a lot of things,
but I'm not a troll.

♪♪

♪♪

No?

I have strong opinions,
and I share them, okay?

I mean, I'm, like,
basically Gloria Steinem.

Are you really getting
caught up in that stuff?

Look, social media is a legitimate tool

to affect the world.

Power to the digital people.

I never like, comment, post,
retweet anything unless it

aligns with my, you know,
political progressive vision.

Word. That's fire.
Uh, what's your handle?

Oh, it's @Power ThaDigitalPeople.

Blocked.

[CHUCKLES]

♪♪

Malcolm Extra here
is kind of right, though.

- Thank you.
- It's a tool.

We use it to show our potential sponsors

that we're thriving out here.

[SCOFFS] You mean you use it
to hide your real selves.

BOTH: Excuse me?

The only way to keep
your online presence clean

is to go ghost or to bury the dirt

south of page on a web search.

That's why I don't use social media.

Point blank period.

Boy, please, the only reason why
you're not on social media

is because literally no one
cares what you are up to.

Plus there's no social network
for virgin drug dealers.

♪♪

♪♪

Sushi Tuesday. That's fire.

[GASPS]

[DING!]

What's up, crazy eyes?

Me. I'm what's up.

I got a blue check.

Dude, I'm verified!

What does that mean?

Aw, you're so sweet.

It means that I'm important enough now

that people actually need to know

that I'm the real Zoey Johnson,
so kind of a big deal.

Word. That's crazy.

So, what does it mean to have two?

[DING!]

I couldn't believe my eyes.

There they were,
two blue checks side by side

on a pristine nimbus-colored background.

I thought it was still in beta testing.

[SNAPS FINGERS]
You good? You're sweating.

[SCOFFS] It's probably just a glitch.

I'm a star.

Hi, everyone. Gather around.

I have a little bit
of an announcement to make.

Come on, guys.

So, as editor-in-chief of Teen Vogue,

each semester I get to
hand-select one of the fellows

to shadow me through all of my
day-to-day responsibilities.

And after much deliberation,

I have decided to go with...

...Zoey Johnson.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

♪♪

Can I have a quick word with you?

Yeah, of course.

So, congrats.

Thank you.

So I hear you are very active
on social media.

Oh, yeah. Just got verified, yeah.

Right. So here's the thing to remember.

Your behavior now reflects
upon Teen Vogue,

so I'm gonna tell you something

that someone told me
when I was in your position.

Don't embarrass me or this office.

I can do that all by myself.

[CHUCKLES]

Understood?

Understood.

I knew you would. Congrats.

- Thank you.
- Bye, Zoey.

Congratulations, fam.

Luca, did you hear what she said?

About my social media
and me not embarrassing her?

Dude, she's watching me.

Okay, but we're always being watched.

Either it's our tablets,
TVs, phones, watches,

- microwave, toasters, satellites.
- Okay, Luca, I need to focus right now.

I can't risk it, you know?

This... This means too much for me,

which means I am going on...

[SIGHS] ...a social media blackout.

Whatever.

California yellowfin?

Oddly specific, and no, thanks?

♪♪

To my , closest friends,

I am sorry to say we are no
longer "outchea."

♪♪

So I had made my Sophie's Choice...

social media or my dream fellowship.

I was gonna have to pull
a Lebron in the playoffs

and go "Zero Dark Thirty"...
full social media blackout.

♪ You got that magic ♪

♪ I can't make no sense of it ♪

♪ But gotta have it ♪

- ♪ Baby, you got that magic ♪
- But it's all good.

I wasn't about to risk
this new life for anything.

I was finally working in fashion.

- ♪ Hey, hey ♪
- ♪ You got me under your spell ♪

The crazy thing is,
once you go off the grid,

you begin to realize
how the rest of the world

really has a problem.

[CELLPHONES CHIMING]

[SIGHS]

[CELLPHONE WHOOSHES] _

[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]

♪♪

As the obvious role model of the group,

it's my duty to guide them.

Okay, guys, guys, what I'm
seeing here is upsetting.

We are four people
in the prime of our lives.

Shouldn't we be talking,
sharing ideas or something?

Like, phones down. Come on.

Whoa, whoa, fall back, weirdo.

I am posting for political change.

I just started following this
account, and all their stuff

is about prison reform
and social justice,

so I'm retweeting all their stuff.

[CELLPHONE WHOOSHING]

_

Nomi?

Nomi, can we get some eye contact going?

Come on. Tell me about your day.

Can't. At w*r.

With who?

Who do you think?

Janelle Monae?

That "Hidden Figures" bitch
hit you back?

- No.
- Ana, you're in on this, too?

What? I'm tired of her thinking
she's hot sh*t

just 'cause she can count?

She needs to be put in her place.

Since when?

Trolling is the great American art form.

I mean, think about it.

We finally get to take sh*ts
at whoever we want,

whenever we want, with no repercussions.

I mean, look at our President.

He trolled his way into the White House.

♪♪

Come on, Zo. You should just join us.

Nomi and I have never been closer.

Okay, I'm gonna sit this one out.

♪♪

[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS]

Great.

The hurdles are just
a matter of form, ladies.

Your legs should move like
a swan's through water.

Allow me to demonstrate.

- Oh.
- Like that.

Thank you so much, Dean Parker.

Yeah, we'll be sure to remember
that if we ever do the hurdles.

Happy to help. That's why they
call me "the cool dean."

[BOTH CHUCKLE] You teaching the
ladies something new, D.P.?

You know, I actually just recently
learned about something crazy.

You ever heard of a "Finsta"?

I mean, I am the cool dean,
so... [CHUCKLES]

why don't you give me your definition?

Well, it's a second Instagram account

that you only gave
your closest peeps access to

so you can post pics of yourself
partying and acting reckless.

Oh, yeah. A "Finsta."

Now, completely unrelated,
I'm going to go call my wife.

♪♪

Boom.

♪♪

Fix your faces.

- Where did you find that?
- How did you find that?

Little tip, ladies... Don't
ever come after V-Digital

unless you've got an army with you.

I'm a [Bleep] computer engineer.

It had been a couple days

since I'd gone "Zero Dark Zoey,"

and I felt... great, actually.

Sure, there were a few times
I wish I wasn't off the grid.

You know, that dress would make

- a k*ller "Outfit of the Day" post.
- Oh, thank you.

♪ Right now, right now ♪

♪ You're the best thing ever ♪

♪ You make the sun shine ♪

♪ You make it better ♪

Take a picture with your mind, Zoey.

♪ When we're together ♪

It's the best way to build a memory.

- ♪ And we celebrate ♪
- Mmm!

- Hey, Zoey.
- Hey.

Bruno Mars is here, and he wants a PB&J.

Can you make it in the kitchen
and bring it to my office?

- Yeah.
- Amazing.

Oh, and by the way, cut off the crusts.

I legitimately can't tell how old he is.

Okay, got it.

[CHUCKLES]

[SIGHS]

♪♪

How old is Bruno Mars?

♪♪

Aaron, we really need your help.
Ana screwed up.

- What?! No, you were the one who...
- Okay, we both screwed up.

We really pissed off
a bunch of Janelle Monae fans.

Oh, damn. They wear their hair natural.

What does that mean?

Uh, that means they could either
be completely chill about this

or black the [Bleep] out.

- That doesn't sound good.
- No.

What did you do?

I told Janelle that
her last album was a brick,

said that she sucked ass in "Moonlight,"

and because grain alcohol
should not be legal,

I told her to shut
her d*ck trap forever.

Hmm. All those things, huh?

And then I tweeted a comment

that, in hindsight, feels
aggressively sus.

What did you say?

"Black or white, bitch. Pick a side."

Whoa! That's...

I was just talking about
her choice in fashion.

You know, like the tuxedos
and the monochrome look.

What did you do?

Um, I followed it up with
a black middle finger emoji

and then a white middle finger emoji.

Right, right, 'cause that would be

- the next logical step, right?
- [CELLPHONE CHIMING]

It felt like it at the time.

Yo, hold up. Why am I getting
so many notifications?

I have new followers,

and they all look like frogs
for some strange reason.

- Frogs?
- Yeah.

Hold on. You said you've been
posting a lot of links

- lately, right?
- Yeah.

Maybe double-check what
you've been linking to.

Okay, I'm pretty sure I know
what I was linking to,

- but whatever.
- What's the verdict?

Hold on, looking here, looking here.

Oh... ohh.

Damn.

Um, okay, well,

the True American Justice
Project might actually be

a, uh... It says it's an alt-right group

in favor of privatizing prisons

and "one strike, you're out" laws.

♪♪

Let me see.
"Immigration isn't the problem."

See?

"It's Mexican gay Muslims."

Yeah, I would
double-check that next time.

♪♪

Here.

Oh. Okay. We just m*rder*d this.

Big facts.

You know we have to celebrate.

Uh, I can't. I got a thing.

Oh, what you getting into?

Got this art show, but not.

But there's music, but it's
very much not about the music.

Uh, I don't really have all the details.

I'm just meeting friends.

Oh, okay, that sounds... dope.

It is in a "not dope" way.

- Have... Have fun.
- Yep.

[CHUCKLES]

So I'd stayed off social media

and worked my ass off
at my Teen Vogue fellowship.

I just needed to tell the world

this was my feeling when
I handled my business.

- [CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS]
- [CHUCKLES]

♪♪

[CELLPHONE WHOOSHING, VIBRATING]

[GROANS]

[WHOOSHING, VIBRATING CONTINUE]

♪♪

[CHUCKLES]

♪♪

[SIGHS]

[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYS] _

♪♪

And this is that feeling when
you know you're screwed.

So, I had accidentally leaked a picture

of the as-yet unrevealed Fear
of God Fall collection

to the entire online world,

a mistake that clearly anyone
could have made.

And I was hopeful that people
would have kept

that sense of perspective in
mind when I got to the office.

- Zoey.
- [SIGHS]

What were you thinking?

Elaine, I am so sorry.

I screwed up big-time, but it was late.

I was tired, and we had just
finished the preliminary layout,

- and it looked good...
- Okay, I'm gonna stop you right there.

I asked you not to embarrass me.

- Yeah.
- And that's exactly what you did.

Mm-hmm.

That little selfie you posted

damaged an invaluable
advertiser relationship.

And now since you basically scooped us,

we're gonna miss out
on a major exclusive.

- You're off my desk.
- [WHIMPERS]

And let's be clear...
I'm being very lenient here.

Yes, thank you.

Luca? You're replacing Zoey.

- [GASPS]
- Come on.

There's an editorial meeting
in minutes.

You can take notes.

[SIGHS] Again, I'm really sorry!

It won't happen again! [SIGHS]

Okay, I cannot believe you
have my dream job

because I made some stupid,
little mistake.

I'm sorry, but I also do good work.

- [SIGHS]
- What?

My sh*t's impeccable.

♪♪

Great. I had basically been
demoted to coffee intern.

I was about to lose all my
followers... and my mind.

- Hey, Vivek.
- What's up?

There they are, the fake-ass Twinstas.

Aww, you've really been
feeling yourself lately,

haven't you, V-Digital?

I really have been.

Sometimes you just got to
regulate a little.

You know, let people
know what time it is.

Sure. And we appreciate that.

Plus we learned a lot.

That thing about burying stuff
below page

in the search results?

Golden.

Yeah, because no one
looks below page .

True.

BOTH: Except us.

MAN: Hey, Rod, here comes the
guy who scratched your bike.

Hey, what's up, bro?

Hey, what's up, guys? How are y... Oh!

Oh, dude!

Where did you find that?

Page .

We may not be engineers,

but we sure do know our way
around Worldstar.

♪♪

Fix your face.

ZOEY: It's crazy. As young adults,

we were supposed to be making mistakes

so we could figure out who we were.

I can't believe I got
suspended from Twitter.

Dude, I got completely kicked off.

Also, Janelle Monae,
kind of an American treasure.

Right?

We let our jealousy get the best of us.

And the thing about
our generation's mistakes

is that they are published
for all the world to see

and written in digital ink.

And you can never know

when those mistakes
can be used against you.

Yo, Aaron, you all right, man?

No, no, I am not.

I-I am the new black voice
of the alt-right.

Yeah, do you know Ted Nugent follows me?

Who?

I want you to picture Satan,

but he's from Michigan
and he wears a cowboy hat.

Follows me. [CHUCKLES]

The bottom line is,
the Internet is a minefield,

and there was just no room for error.

And for that reason,

it's hard not to resent being
born into the Digital Age.

It seems like such a huge disadvantage.

[UPBEAT SONG PLAYS]

Oh, oh, my God! I love this song!

- Ah, me too!
- It's, um...

- What is... Wait.
- Who is this now?

Oh, my God. It's literally
on the tip of my tongue.

- It's the guy.
- This is gonna drive me insane.

- Hold on.
- Wait, no, no, no, wait!

I got it, I got it.

Relax. Relax! It's searching.

[SONG PLAYS INDISTINCTLY]

- Ah.
- Oh!

[INDISTINCT CONVERSATION]

And sometimes it felt like
the only thing

you could really think or say about it

was "what a time to be alive."