09x14 - Why Is It Wet?

[bunniefuu]

[Whirring]
[Theme music plays]

[Whirring]

Man: It's alive!

[Thunder rumbles]

You had sex with one of my wives,
so you get the iron.

No, no, no, Mr. Pennybags.
No, no!

Aaaahhh!

Ping, please don't die.

I've never had the chance
to say "I love you."

[Male voice] I love you, too.

I'm so glad you saw
through my manly disguise.

- [Female voice] My real name is Mulan.
- Oh.

- Something wrong?
- I mean yay! [Chuckles]

So, are you, like,
completely a woman, or...

I hope this meal
is to your liking, Dora.

Thank you, Maharaja.

It is an honor to
explore your kingdom.

Enjoy the chilled monkey brains.

[Screeches] What?
It's rude if I don't even try it.

[Whimpers]
Oh, my God.

This is so good!
I mean "this poor, poor monkey."

But mmm! It's like pâté
with a nuttier flavor.

You've got to try this, Boots.
Um-yum-yum!

Mmm. I'm just being polite.

Oh, you poor little monkey.

[Screeching]

Announcer: Hot Wheels
presents the Connectors.

And, today,
us brothers are gonna...

Together: Put it all together!

Eric, which Hot Wheels piece
are you gonna connect?

This is the piece Mom got me
on her business trip

with her boss, Mr. Gregory.

All: Put it together!

Tyler, what are we connecting today?

This sweet piece is from Dad,

after he met
the private investigator.

Bobby, what are you connecting?

I got this piece after I saw Mommy
leg-wrestling Mr. Gregory's face.

And now let's...

Together: Put all the pieces together!

Yeah!

- Oh, no.
- "Diverse"?

Aah! Aah! Aah!
Will you all get lost?!

Sorry I'm late, Bags.

Long lunch
at the strip club again.

Thimble, I'm afraid we're
letting you go from Monopoly.

- What?!
- America voted to replace

the outdated game pieces
with modern ones.

You got swapped out
for a pile of smiling feces.

You can't get rid of me!

I've been with Monopoly
since ! Aah!

This could be good for us, babe.

I've been wanting
to get back into my music.

You remember my band,
Thimble and the Pricks.

[Russian accent] Thimble...
I have been having affair with Racecar.

I leave you now for him.

Do svidaniya, sucker.
[Tires screeching]

Just drive.
Just drive.

Hey, papi.
Ever gotten a thumb job before?

I throw in the Water Works for free.

- Top Hat?
- Oh, Thimble!

I didn't know it was you.

- Um, Top Hat, you still want to...
- Uh, yes.

Want me to hop
in your head hole?

- I'm becoming increasingly unsure about this.
- Yeah? Oh, yeah, yeah.

- Ooh, sailor.
- No. Ow, Thimble,

- I think this was a mistake.
- Brim job's the thing, right?

Oh, Thimble, no. Thimble!
I can't do this.

Well, I get paid whether
you pass go or not, pal.

You know what, Thimble?

Everyone at Monopoly
is so much more happy

with that pile of sh*t than
they ever were with you.

Oh [bleep].
I always knew you were ...

Aah! Aah! Aah! Aah!

Thimble: I stabbed Top Hat
times that night.

He doesn't have any blood
or vital organs, so it was fine.

But that was my rock bottom.

And I want to thank
Losers Anonymous

for getting me back on track.

I have a long way to go,
but I know I can do it.

Uh, this is a knitting club.

_
[Music]

_

[Circus music plays]

I'm Julia Child,
and, today, I'll demonstrate

how to cook the French classic,
Boeuf Bourguignon.

Aah! Aah!
[Snarling]

Aah! Get off!
Get away, get away, get away!

Today, I'll teach you the French way

to k*ll and cook a zombie.

Start by shoving
something big into its mouth

to prevent a bite.

Don't be shy.
Shove it in there.

Huh! Yeah...

Next, we have the choice
of fire or decapitation.

The French prefer...

Buffering?!
Ah, come on!

...decapitation, as a fiery zombie

running around the kitchen
can be messy.

Luckily, I keep
my kitchen katana handy.

And you'll want
to cut from front to back

to sever the spinal column.

[Screaming]

Keep at it, now. Cooking is
not for the faint of heart.

[Screaming]

And bon appétit.

[Music plays]

You know, it just ...
It never looks as good as hers.

And here's
to Helen's new promotion ...

senior administrative assistant.

- About time.
- Yo, ladies!

You looking for a good
slamming tonight?

No, we're not. We're trying
to have a nice Pogs night out.

Obviously you've never
been slammed right.

So, we pulling a four-way stack

or just an intimate
ménage à slam?

- Could you just leave us alone?
- You damn right.

Y'all some
high-stacked b*tches, anyway.

So, Helen, did the promotion
come with a new pen?

- Aah!
- Oh, my God.

- S-S-S-Slammer!
- Somethin' going on in here?

Oh, sh*t.
O.J. Slammer.

Uh, no, man.
Everything's cool.

We cool, right, ladies?
Real ... R-Real cool.

Oh, you think it's cool
to just slam into Pogs

- that don't want it?
- No, O.J. Come on.

- Get out of here, punk!
- S-S-Slammer!

Thanks, O.J.
You're the best.

No problem, ladies.

Hey, you girls want
to come back to my place?

- Keep the party going?
- Oh... really? Uh, oh. Um...

- Okay.
- Helen...

Stay with me, Sarah.
[Sarah moaning]

We could be together forever.

Jareth, you were supposed to
restock the fingerless-glove display.

My name is The Goblin King.

- Now, Jareth.
- Oh, fine!

- Aw! Are you stealing babies again?
- That was there when I opened!

Can I buy this SpongeBob
nipple ring or not?

Incoming message.

On screen, computer.

Justice League, come in.
This is the Batman.

- Great Hera!
- Lex Luthor is holding

the president hostage.
We have just moments to...

- Is this a joke?
- A joke?

When have
you ever known me to...

Oh, God damn it.
Do I have a cartoon dog face?

Wait. Was that your tongue?
Is that supposed to be his tongue?

- That's adorable.
- Robin messed with our settings.

g*dd*mn teenagers.
I can't turn it off!

What is that?
Come again, "Dog" Knight.

Never mind!
I'll handle it myself!

Oh, that was priceless.

- Incoming message.
- Greetings, super fools.

As you can see,
Batman is now my prisoner.

Oh, Lex, you are such a Starchild.
[Both laugh]

- Why are they laughing?
- We're Kiss.

- We're what, now?
- We're the rock band, Kiss!

Robin changed the settings
on my g*dd*mn communicator.

Give it to me.
We're just...

- There's a very serious...
- Oh, my God.

Oh, now your face is my face.

I can't breathe. I can't
breathe. I can't breathe.

Oh, my God, we're both Batman.
Damn it!

[Thud]

Oh, they got rid of Vine.
Everybody's on Snapchat now.

[Ominous music plays]

Payment to cross the River Styx.

- Here you go.
- I don't take Discover.

- Oh, um, Visa?
- A gold coin!

What am I gonna do
with a credit card?

What are you gonna do
with a gold coin?

Defendant is charged
with the crime of bathing

with thousands of naked
children since .

How do you plead, Mr. Bubble?

- % not guilty, Your Honor.
- True or false, sir ...

You lured children
into the tub by promising

- "tubs of fun."
- Well, that's a bit out of context.

You also told children ...
and this is a direct quote ...

"I'm fun in the tub.
Just give me a rub."

- Correct?
- But I am!

I work my way into all
their cracks and crevices.

[Spectators gasp]

We find Mr. Bubble
guilty on all counts.

But who will bathe the children?

[Indistinct shouting, gavel banging]
Who will bathe the children?

I am required by law
to inform you

I'm moving into the neighborhood.

- Hello.
- Jamie, you're filthy.

Go wash up for supper.
Sorry about that.

If only there was a way
to make bathtime fun.

"If only."
[Chuckles]

[Laughs] I'll be right back out.
Make yourself at home.

[Grunts, farting]
[Dramatic music]

[Grunts]
Oh, my.

Shouldn't have slammed
those Gordita Crunches.

[Farting]
[Dramatic music]

[Straining]

[Farting rhythmically
to "Jaws" theme]

Aah!
Shark-A-Rim-Job!

I think this was
a shark att*ck, Mayor.

It must have come up
through the toilet.

We have to shut down every toilet!

Chief Brody, Amity depends

on the Toilet Bowl
Convention for tourism.

What happened here
was a plumbing accident.

Are we gonna make it?
Are we gonna save E.T.?

[Sirens blaring]

- Hey!
- I'll sh**t!

- Whoa!
- Wow. Cool.

Yeah!

[r*fles cock]

- Oh!
- Ouch!

Wait, wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait!

[Music]

Hello. I'm Rita Repulsa,
enemy of the Power Rangers.

Are you unhappy
with your penis size?

[Laughs]

I can help with Rita's Magic Wand
Natural Male Enhancer.

What do you think you're doing?

The mortgage
on our Moon Palace is due.

I'm starting a side business...

unless you think you'll be
conquering Earth any time soon.

I-I-I... Don't use my name.
All right?

As I was saying, Rita's Magic

Wand Natural Male Enhancer
really works.

Just call me when you need help,

and I'll make your penis grow.

- So, what happens again?
- I'm supposed to say,

"Rita, make my penis grow,"
and then...

Ohh! What the...

Oh, my God! I take it back.
I take it back.

Red Power Ranger: Another
monster hog, Power Rangers.

Let's b*at it off... the planet.

Hyah! Yah!
Boo-ya! Yah!

Our punches aren't
having any effect.

- Uh, yeah, they are!
- It's as hard as steel.

That's a Rita Repulsa guarantee!

My God, help me!

Hold on.
I'm leaving a review

for Rita's Magic Natural Wand
Male Enhancer ... two stars.

What the hell is the second star for?

Well, technically, it works.

Red Power Ranger: We can't let it
destroy any more of Angel Grove.

Let's use the Power Sword.

[Screams, cries]

Roll the phone number.
Roll it!

Rita Repulsa not responsible
for destruction of property,

mutilated penises,
or Power Ranger battles.

Let me make your penis grow!

That's trademarked.

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

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♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪

- Ba-gawk!
- Bawk.