09x90 - Walking Dead Special: Look Who's Walking

[bunniefuu]

[Music]

Grr! Grr!

- Everybody say "Grr!"
- Grr!

[Child laughing]

[Music]

Welcome to "The Walking Dead" museum.

Once our entire species faced extinction

in an event known as
"The Walkpocalypse."

Ooh!

[Screeching]
Aah!

[Tapping]

[Camera shutter clicking]

After the disease was cured,

and it was cured, completely,
both the walker saliva version

and that thing where
everyone's infected, anyway,

we built this museum to remember

the heroes who saved
humanity from walkers like me.

Rawr!
[Laughs]

And we're walkers, and we're walkers.

This is so cool!

This room is dedicated to the
members of Rick and the g*ng,

as they were known.

Records are spotty,
but we believe the leader,

Rick Gremlin, was
either in law enforcement

or a member of a Village
People tribute van.

Rick had one child,
a beautiful girl named Carla.

Together, they battled
the undead and the living,

including this monster,

whom the scriptures call Neegnon.

He was the leader of a rival
softball team, the Lucilles.

They finally brokered a truce
when the lovely Carla

agreed to marry Neegnon.

This exquisite barbed wire bat
was likely a wedding gift.

Neegnon and Carla were
happily married for many years

and had at least six children.

And we're walkers,
and we're walkers.

Oh, boy, I never knew
all these amazing facts.

That's because they're a load of crap!

Oh, my gosh, are you...
the lovely Carla?

- It's Carl!
- I'm so sorry, my lady.

This whole museum is wrong!

You wanna know the whole story?
Do ya?

Uh, will we still have time
to hit the gift shop after?

I'm giving you the gift...

- of truth.
- Yeah, but...

The gift shop closes at : .
Let me tell you how it really happened.

[Camera shutter clicks]
[Dramatic music]

[Chickens clucking
"The Walking Dead" theme song]

[font color="cyan"] sync & correction by f nc
~ Addic ed.com ~ [/font]

_

It began, as all good stories do,
with a monkey.

Any idea what caused
the outbreak, Dr. Jenner?

I bet it's monkeys.
It's always monkeys.

Actually, no, it's
a common misconception

that some lonely wanderer
in an African jungle

gets his rocks off in a hapless primate,

doesn't bother to wipe, comes
home, and bangs his wife,

and then boom, you've got the AIDS,

- but that's not how science works.
- So...

it's cool to [bleep] monkeys?

- Whoo-hoo!
- Going to the Congo!

_
[Monkey chittering]

Yes, Marlee, they bought it,
now shut up and kiss me.

It's just us now.

Rick said I should look
after you, and I will.

[Gasps]
Shane, what are you doing?

Rick said I should treat
you like you were my wife.

- He what? - Rick also said
I should touch your chest muffins.

Shane! Get out!

Now, listen, Lori, I
don't want to do this,

but Rick said I should shower with you.

Because he said I should wash your butt,

and Rick was very clear about that.

Lori! Carl! I'm back!
[Music]

Rick said that you should not tell Rick

anything that I said Rick said
we should do at Rick's behest.

- Rick said "behest"?
- Rick said you'd say that.

[Zombies moaning]

I think deep inside, they hang onto

the memories of what they used to be.

Then this one must remember
crouching on her roof

to scare away evil spirits.

She's one gargoyle-looking,
fuggo three-bagger.

- That's my wife.
- Whoo-whee! Gorgeous woman.

No. I'm so sorry for your loss.

[Growling]
She remembers this is our home.

I wonder what else they remember.

[Music]

[Band music playing]

[Zombies moaning]

Some things never change, huh?

I wonder what this one remembers.

[Zombies moaning]

Morgan: Oh, sh*t!
He's a g*dd*mn master locksmith!

Bastards left me up here to die!

Alone!
Am I so damn horrible?

Don't Merle get to fall in love?!
[Music starts]

♪ Some place in this nightmare world ♪

♪ Is someone who thinks the same way ♪

♪ That chicks are dumb,
and racism's fun ♪

♪ And saying the "N" word is okay ♪

♪ And love's getting high on PCP ♪

♪ Is there anyone out there with
the same kind of brain as me? ♪

[Zombie moaning musically]

♪ Somewhere there's a match for me ♪

[Moaning continues]
# A stupid, brainless girl #

♪ Who also doesn't care for Jews ♪

[Moaning continues]
# And shares all my small-minded views #

♪ I'll find you some place
in this nightmare world ♪

For you, my sugar tits.

Unicorn: Looking for something, friend?

[Neighs]

- Yeah, gas.
- Oh, I know where there's plenty of gas.

- Hop on, and I'll show you.
- Okay. Let's find you a saddle.

- I prefer if you ride me raw dog.
- What?

How bad do you want that gas?

Rick, I hope you know
I appreciated your enthusiasm,

and I still respect you.

Also, sorry about your shirt.
I was aiming for your hair.

- Aah!
- Uh-oh!

Oh, this doesn't look good!
[g*nshots]

Aah!

Now I'll never see my wife and son!

- Ooh, wait, you've got a son? How old?
- What difference...

- No time, how old?!
- .

Now we've both got
something to live for!

[Neighs]
[Thud]

[Splattering]

[Whinnying]

Grr!

We've got 'em on the run now, Rick!

[Wind whistles]

Uhh, Rick?

[Zombies moaning]
Ow, it hurts...

so good!
Bite me harder there.

Ahh, sh*t.
That unicorn was right.

This is never coming out.

These walker gut ponchos are the
perfect disguise so we blend in.

[' s music playing]

God damn it, Carl!

Sophia! Sophia!
[Music]

I'm pretty sure I left her right here!

Carol: Rick! Sophia!

Uh-oh!

- Where's Sophia?
- What do you mean? She's right here.

[High-pitched] Hi, Mama,
it's me, Sophia.

Rick, what the [bleep] are you doing?

[Normally] Nothing, some walkers came,

I drove 'em off, and Sophia
hid here, right, Sophia?

[High-pitched] Yeah, Mama,
Mr. Rick saved me.

I like him. He's nice.

Rick, you're holding a log.

[Normally] Carol, if
you're going to fat shame

this little girl of yours,
I'm not gonna stand for it.

- Stop it!
- Look over there, there's some walkers!

Sorry, Sophia, you're on your own!

[Tires squealing]

[Zombies moaning]

Dale, turn back.
We're not gonna make it.

We'll make it!
[Laughs]

♪ Dale, Dale, the RV King ♪
[Rock music]

♪ Jumps the sh*t out of everything ♪

Yeah!

♪ Dale, Dale the RV king ♪

♪ All the fine dames
get a prime... porking ♪

Yee-haa!
[Laughs]

Oh, yeah...

that's what I was trying
to take my mind off of.

[Screams]

- Get ready. Walkers!
- Hey, that's our word!

You don't have the right!

Hershel, you need to come back home.
Beth needs you.

I had a drinking problem, Rick.

It nearly tore my family apart.

I was a different man
when I was on the sauce.

What do you mean?

[Rock music plays]
Come on!

They're mine!

[Laughs]
Let's get it on!

I got your pouch, Joey!
[Bell rings]

[Laughs]

I'm off to the Moon!

Holy sh*t.
Who won, you or the kangaroo?

Like I said, I was
a different man back then.

[Rapid g*nf*re]

I'm out!

Thanks.
I'm out again!

I'm so sorry about your mama, Carl.
You go on now.

- I'll take care of her before she turns.
- No, Maggie.

- I should be the one to do it.
- All right, Carl.

- Can I do it any way I want to?
- I... I guess.

[Moaning]

[Breaking voice] I love you, mom.

[Fireworks exploding]

Hey, Rick?
Something's wrong with that boy.

[Rip] Aah!

[Stapler fires]
One more, hold on.

[Stapler fires]
Ah, there we go.

That ain't going anywhere, sugar pie.

Look at the flowers, Lizzie.

[g*n cocks, fires]

Look at the bunny, Lenny.

The bunny?
[g*nsh*t, grunts]

[Muffled shouting]
Look at the Indian, McMurphy.

[g*nsh*t]

[Dog barking]

Eat sh*t, Old Yeller.
[g*nsh*t]

- Look at the flowers...
- No! [g*nsh*t]

Wow, lady, you are cold.

- Look at the flowers, fellas.
- Oh, no! [g*nshots]

[Thudding]

You, look at the flowers.
[g*n cocks, fires]

Nerd: Man, this story's
pretty dark so far.

It's like they say, it's
always darkest before the dawn.

Unless your friend sh**t you in the eye

while you're covered in walker guts.
But I behest.

- Wait, am I using that right?
- No.

What was Terminus like?

Like if evil and hatred met on Tinder
and didn't really hit it off,

but hatred had money,
so at some point, evil was curious,

and the cocaine fell like snow.

[Chuckles]
What are you talking about?

The food was made of people!

- Even the chocolate butt pudding?
- Especially the chocolate butt pudding.

"Terminus... sanctuary for all?

Community for all?
Those who arrive survive"?

Wait, what's that say at the bottom?
Free musical theater?

- I love musical theater.
- I don't know. It sounds suspicious.

Welcome to Terminus!

Now, sit back and enjoy the show!

[Upbeat Broadway-style music playing]

♪ Oh, welcome to Terminus ♪

♪ Where you'll be safe and sound ♪

♪ 'Cause we would never eat you ♪

♪ So please don't turn around ♪

♪ Oh, yes, it's Terminus ♪

♪ And it's a pleasure to meet you ♪

♪ And we're definitely %
not going to eat you ♪

- This is pretty great.
- What a troupe.

I feel like they're over-emphasizing
that they're not gonna eat us.

No, I just think they're being funny.

♪ This is the safest place ♪

♪ We really hope you'll stay ♪

- # We'll only eat your ass #
- In a sexual way.

♪ Oh, yes, it's Terminus ♪

♪ And we're not cannibals ♪

♪ We promise not to slaughter you ♪

♪ And eat you like you're animals ♪

- # Terminus #
- Yeah! Jazz hands!

- Yep, they're definitely gonna eat us.
- I wonder if they sell merch.

[Walker moaning]

Hello! I am hungry!

Are you hungry?
I would like to eat!

Human!
That human smells good!

I will eat him!
Do not run!

Come back so I can eat you!
[Man panting]

Oh, whoops!

I am on the ground.
Why am I on the ground?

I am hungry!
I want to eat the human!

[Grunts]
Where did the human go?

I want to eat him!
I am hungry!

[Rapid g*nf*re]
Human!

Hello!
Ooh!

Hello!
Uh-oh!

Oh, hello, little girl.

[g*nsh*t]

I want to eat your hair.

[Grunts]
Trip!

Hello!
Why is your foot in my face?

I do not want to eat your shoe.
I do not like shoes.

Come on, Carl!

Wait! I have not eaten you yet!

I am hungry!

Trip! Goodbye, human!

I am walking very fast now!
Is this flying?

I did not know I could fly.

Oh, hello, ground...
[Thud]

Hello, hello, hello.

Hello, body.

I am hungry.

We're not gonna be using
the front gate anymore.

- It's too much of a security risk.
- Rick! How do we get in?

The signal will be the same, but
we'll have a new method of answering.

[Whistles]

Hairway to heaven.

[Grunts]

[Zombies moaning] Nicholas!
Stop pushing on the door!

Screw you, Glenn!
I'm getting out of here!

[Groans]

_
[Zombie moaning]

- Noah: Nicholas, you'll k*ll us!
- Better you than me!

_

- No, no!
- No, Glenn!

_

Ahh, Glenn, you could have
saved me, but you didn't, Glenn!

[Screams]

No, Noah!
Oh, my God, no!

_

__

[Laughs] You sold out your
friends in a hurry, Eugene.

Actually, Dwight, it was
just a distraction to do this.

Aah, my penis!

Dwight's Penis: Hi, I'm Dwight's penis!

You ever think to yourself,
how did I get here?

It all started not too long ago...

Negan: Did you hear that?
He said, "Suck my nuts!"

[Laughs]
Hot diggity dog!

[Upbeat music plays]

♪ Hey, Negan ♪

♪ Show us how you do that thing ♪

- Mm, what thing?
- # That dip #

♪ The one you do
right after you swing ♪

Oh, you mean this?

♪ When you're bashin' in
brains or deliverin' quips ♪

♪ Just lean way back
and do the Negan Dip, yeah ♪

Ooh, like this?
Yeah, you got it!

[Music stops]

I do not appreciate
you k*lling my dance!

[Screams]
[Grunts]

[Laughs]

Look at that.
He's still got the b*at.

One, two, three, dip.
[Music continues]

The truth is, I'm not even a real tiger.

I did some community
theater back in the day.

Cowardly Lion, Grizabella,
Cat From Outer Space,

blah, blah, blah.
But when everything went to hell,

people needed something,
so here's Shiva.

We got your g*ns, fools.
You know why?

'Cause we are the Saviors!
Oh!

Piece of sh*t!
Aah!

- You know what we need?
- g*ns.

- A spine.
- Maybe Ding Dongs?

We need a name that tells
people we mean business.

Negan's got the Saviors,
and that just sounds cool.

Then there's the Wolves, also awesome.

The Terminus cannibals,

the Kingdom Comers,
the Baseball Furies.

- What is he...
- Just let him run.

So, I've been kicking around some
ideas, and I think I've got it.

"Rick and the g*ng."

- Uhh...
- Umm...

Maybe we throw out some other ideas.
The Wham Bam Clan!

- The Stabby Crew!
- No!

No, no!
We're Rick and the g*ng.

I already made T-shirts.

Oh, [bleep] no.

Ahh, I got the jacket,

but I'm missing that one
thing that really says

"stylish, yet dangerous."

Well, looky what we have here.

["Linus and Lucy" playing]

[Record needle scratches]
Perfecto.

Waaah!

Now, show me that badass eye hole, kid.

Now, that is...

[Wind howls]

My God! Aah!

I've made a terrible mist...

Announcer: From the creators
of "The Walking Dead"

comes a show which reunites
its most beloved characters.

- Glenn! Dinnertime!
- Huh?

Yeah.

It's "Happy Glenndings."

Sure, it's taken some
getting used to, but...

I got my Glenn.

I'll find you!

I'll find you!

- I'll find you.
- We play a lot of hide and seek.

- Glenn, I love you.
- I'll find you!

Go on, Daryl. Lucille
wants to hear you sing.

♪ Uhhhh ♪

No! What does it say?!

It's an "A."
Now, give me a sweet A, Daryl!

- # Aaaaah #
- That is a G!

I want an # Aaaa #

So meet me up # here #

Well, well.
[Bangs]

I can tell you little piggies
have been bad little piggies.

[Engine revs]
[Gagging]

[Laughs]

[Bleep] you, Negan!
[Snoopy laughs]

[Bottle lid pops]
[Chugging]

Come on, Maggie, one more push!
One more big push, come on!

[Screams]

[Gasping]

It's... it's... it's...
It's... it's a... b-boy?

- I-It's a boy!
- Does it look like Glenn?

- Umm, umm, I mean...
- Uh...

- Yep.
- I found you! [Laughs]

- Oh, wow.
- Is that how babies work?

[Clapping]

Now, don't move, kid.

Tweet, tweet, tweet, mother[bleep]!
That's a birdie!

[Dramatic music playing]

[Rocket blasts off]

[expl*si*n]

- My goodness, what could it be?
- Some kinda rocket.

[Air hisses]

It's a baby!

- It's a bat!
- It's a baby!

I'm gonna name you Lucille.

[Grunting]

[Rapid hammering, saw whirring]

That's my bat.

Lucille, what are you doing here?
Get lost!

I know it's hard.
You can do all these amazing things,

and you can't tell anybody,

but if there's one
thing I do know, Lucille,

it's that you are here for a reason.

Die, Negan!

[g*nsh*t]

["Superman" theme-style music playing]

- Wow. She saved us all!
- That bat m*rder*d my friends!

I don't know. The video
is pretty compelling.

This way, people!
We saved the best for last!

Feast your eyes upon...

the last surviving walker on Earth.

[Zombie moaning]

- Oh, my gosh, that is so awesome!
- Are you crazy?!

The nightmare will never be over
until that thing is destroyed!

[g*nshots, glass shatters]

[Screaming]
[Zombie moaning]

Smile, you son of a biscuit!

Just gotta get a quick selfie first!
[g*nsh*t]

The legend is true!

[g*n clatters]

[g*n clicks]

[Grunting]

I've received the proper compensation
to initiate the munitions process.

Just hang onto your britches a tick
while I gather the necessary tools

to engage the delicate means
to deliver this b*llet souvenir.

Hurry the fudge up!

The interesting thing about the
pin-f*ring . caliber projectile...

It was actually not . caliber,

but in fact, .
caliber due to the fact...

Yeah, got it.
Shut up, b*llet!

Bleh.
[b*llet clatters]

[g*nsh*t, splat!]

Keep the change, ya filthy animal.

[g*n clatters]

- It's over, it's finally over.
- Yep, it sure is.

Ooh, I should really put
some Neosporin on this bite.

Wait, what did you say?

[Laughs evilly]
[Music]

I'm Chris Hardwick.
[Music]

Wow, what a th episode
of "The Walking Dead."

Lori's fate revealed, the
virus unleashed once more,

and how will Snoopy factor
into Negan's future plans?

Joining us tonight, "Walking Dead"
Sasquatch Robert Kirkman,

show runner Scott M. Gimple,

and Shiva the Tiger,
Sir Fred Livingston III.

- Hello!
- Thanks, Seacrest.

This is probably my
favorite episode of all-time.

Took tries to get
a unicorn on the show,

but damn, you pulled it off, Gumby.

It's Gimple, and just to clarify, this
wasn't officially the th episode.

Well, the season seven
finale was episode ,

which makes this episode
because math.

No, this was a "Robot Chicken"
special on Adult Swim.

You drag me onto the Dead Actor Couch,

and this episode doesn't
even [bleep] count?

- Yawr!
- Holy Lord almighty!

Oh, my head!

- No, my d*ck!
- Yeah! Bite that d*ck!

[Screaming]
That is how you bite a d*ck!

I have shows to produce!