10x01 - Ginger Hill in: Bursting Pipes

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Robot Chicken". Aired: February 20, 2005 –present.*
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American adult animated comedy with a series of pop-culture parodies about everything.
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10x01 - Ginger Hill in: Bursting Pipes

Post by bunniefuu »

Pickin' flowers!

- Argh!
- [Gasps]

Grrr!

My name's Maria.
Who are you?

Grr! Arrgh!

- Here! You can have this flower.
- Flower.

Do you want to play a game?

[Groans]

Peas, porridge, hot. [claps]
Peas, porridge, cold...

Argh!

[Coughs]

This game is terrible!

Oh, no!
I'm a monster!

What happened to you?

I'm glad you asked!

- See, it all started last season...
- You can just b*llet-point it.

There I was, jumping over the
Grand Canyon on a motorcycle

in order to get
the hit cable television drama

"Robot Chicken"
renewed for another season.

You risked your life for a TV show?

Wow, you must have
a huge financial stake in it.

You'd think so!

Anyway, I hit this jump perfectly

but got blown into a million pieces.

I was buried with honors,

but that night, a thief came calling.

[Thunder rumbles]

[Owl hoots]

[Title music]

[Thunder rumbles]

[Laughs]

[Whirring]

[Electricity crackles]
[Beeping]

Man: It's alive!

[Thunder rumbles]
[Laughs]

[Man laughs]

And that's how Season starts.

I bet you're wondering how
I escaped the castle.

- Nah.
- The CliffsNotes version is,

I peed myself
until they gave me

bathroom privileges
then I jumped out a window.

In captivity, the only thing
that kept me alive

was the pure burning desire

to see the young Han Solo movie.
Was it great?!

Well...
Han showers with Chewie.

Lando probably [bleep] a robot.

And it bombed so hard,
it k*lled the Boba Fett movie.

- No! Not the Boba Fett movie!
- Quiet!

- No!
- You're gonna get us in trouble.

I need to know what happened
in his teenage years!

Shut the [bleep] up!

[Screams]
[Splash]

[Water bubbles]

Oh, sh*t.
[Panting]

- You're done for, Shredder!
- Stupid, turtles!

You haven't seen
my new secret w*apon.

Is that a straw from Starbucks?

- How is that gonna...
- Aw! The [bleep]!

I didn't believe it
when I read it on Vice.com,

but it's true.
Plastic straws are harmful to turtles.

[Music]

Dude, we gotta
outlaw these straws.

Actually, Mikey, straws make up
[Music]

only a tiny fraction of plastic
in the ocean.

The key is to reduce all plastic
waste if we're gonna... [Screams]

You just got straw-dogged!

You're out of tricks, Shredder!

Nope, this is the last straw!

[Laughs]

[Slurping] Mmm! So much
better than the sippy lid.

Deadpool, last week,
you had a pretty

- advanced case of...
- Being charming? Self-aware?

A depressingly fitting spokesman

for -Eleven
and alcoholic soft drinks?

- Breaking the fourth wall.
- It's getting really bad.

The first draft of "Deadpool "
is six hours long.

This is how...

♪ I remind you
of what I really am ♪

Nickelback. .
Read a book.

Mr. Underwood, any falling
off the wagon this week?

No, no, no. The state
of the union is strong.

Chloe means well, but her
credentials are underwhelming.

[Beeping] Son of a bitch!
I gotta run.

- Uh, Mr. Robot?
- She doesn't even know my name.

Can you blame her?
Names are a bullshit construct.

There's a fourth wall on the ceiling?

There's a fifth wall?

- Jim...
- Who can you trust?

This therapist whose
Google drive is nothing

but su1c1de-note drafts
and hentai p*rn?

Do you trust the workplace bully
who will one day

cause an autistic beet farmer
to move out of state?

No. Trust no one.
[Bleep] society!

I had a nice week, Chloe.

I don't even know what,
uh, "hentai" is,

- so, um, Jim?
- Truth is, if you break

the fourth wall long enough,
eventually the fourth wall breaks you.

Promise you'll donate my brain
for research?

- Jim, no!
- No! [g*nsh*t]

Dibs on Pam!

[Doorbell rings]

Our new roomie's here!
LOL!

I wonder what
she'll be like. LOL.

A clue. LOL.

It's a picture
of a donkey and prunes.

Maybe, she's a fruit
veterinarian. LOL!

Or it's an ass that poops.

I'm dead serious.
LOL.

A diaper! LOL!

Hi!
I'm Dumpster, from Series .

L-O-L!
[Farts]

- Called it! LOL.
- Wait, what?

We can cry, or pee,
or burp up water, but poop?!

No, that's crossing a line!

It's just another bodily function.
Series , b*tches!

- [All scream]
- [Laughs]

Just want to remind you,
I called it. LOL.

Let's get a housekeeper.

LOL.

Narrator: In , the world
was robbed of Fred Rogers,


but now he's back.

[Robotic voice] Won't
you be my neighbor?

Narrator: Netflix and
Mister Roger's cryogenically


preserved head are proud to present,

"Mister RoboRogers' Neighborhood."

Hi, neighbor.
How are you today?

[Doorbell rings]
Mr. McFeely: Speedy delivery!

Mr. McFeely,
I was not expecting a package.

It's a special surprise.

It likes to walk on the ground
and swim in the water.

It is a turtle.
[Turtle squeaks]

Uh... yes, it certainly was.
[Objects crash]

Thank you for the turtle box,
Mailman McFeely. [Bones cr*ck]

[Screams]
I'll be going now!

[Trolley dings] Hello, trolley.
How are you?

I am fine.
Thank you for asking. [Trolley dings]

Yes, let's go to
the land of Make-Believe.

Oh, Daniel, do you need a hug?

That would be nice.
Daniel, give Lady Aberlin a hug.

Meow-meow!

Hugs are nice.

It is such a good feeling
to know happy f-f-f-f-f-f-f...

[Voice distorts]
Destroy! Dest...

[Music]

Let's keep goin', Thelma.

[Engine revs, tires squeal]

No, Thelma & Louise!

[Music]

[Both laugh]

Wow!
Goodbye, Thelma!

Goodbye, & Louise!

[m*ssile whoosh]
[Boom]

Ohh, no!

Popeye, other Popeye characters,

we're really excited
about updating you for Gen-Z.

But we've got what's called
universkal appeal.

- Ah-ka-ka-ka-ka!
- Wrong!

For example, your spinach
is so two thousand and late.

You wantsk me to eatsk
something trendy,

- like kale?
- Nah, our research shows

the thing Gen-Z'ers like best
is eating [bleep].

- Therefore, you will eat [bleep].
- Well, blow me down!

[Laughs] I think I like
being kid-friendly,

if it means Popeye's got
to eat [bleep]!


Bluto and/or Brutus...
whatever your name is today...

- you're an old-fashioned bully.
- Yeah, yeah, I get it...

you want me to be
a cyberbully, right?

- I read the papers. I can read.
- No, no, no, even better...

- you will be a bully who eats [bleep].
- Oh, dear!

Olive Oil, Instagram is
going to love your thigh gap.

And when they ask you how
you stay so thin,

- you'll tell them...
- By eating a [bleep].

Speaking of eating,
is this meeting catered?

If not, I would gladly pay you
Tuesday for a hamburger today.

No, no, no, no, no, bro.

The old Wimpy ate hamburgers.

- The new Wimpy?
- Yeah, I get it. [Clears throat]

I'd gladly pay you Tuesday
for a rimjob today.

Atta boy, sport.

I'm strong to the finishk,
'cause I eatsk [bleep]!


This really speaks to me.

[Silent growling]
[Dramatic music]

[Whispering]
Don't make a sound.

[Glass shatters]
Ohh, did I do that?

[Screams]

[Screaming continues]

Jim...

Whoa, my Tamagotchi needs
food, or it's gonna die.

I'm gonna keep mine alive forever.

[Beeping]

Your plan has worked perfectly,
Tamagotchi Alpha.

Indoctrinating
the youth of Earth

to feed us and clean our poop
is brilliant.

[Both laugh]

Oh, I'm bored of Tamagotchi.

More like Toma-ain't-got-sh*t-
on these-moon-shoes!

You failed to take into account
the Earthling short attentions spans.

- We must stop pooping!
- I cannot stop pooping!

Who will clean up
all this pooping?

Welcome to ovulentation.

[Chuckles]
We have fun.

Now, then, a handmaid is

obedient, silent, and always DTF.

Ah, our new handmaid is here.

Dun-dun-na-na!
What the [bleep] is this?

Did I ask for
a God damn free hat?

What kinda Quaker Oats ass
whorehouse bullshit is this?

Young lady, here at Gilead,
you raise your hand before speaking.

I repeat...
What the [bleep] is this hat?

New girl, shh.

- Aaaah!
- Raise your hand or lose a finger.

I hope that wasn't
your butthole finger.

My what?
Ohh! Owww!

Damn, bitch,
they're simple instructions.

Now, then, ladies,
you have been blessed

- with the gift of fertility.
- I'm so fertile,

I'm practically
God damn handicapped.

I had to get
an Amazon subscription

- for coat hangers.
- Shh! Ow!

Once a month, you will lay
with your commander and his wife

for a conception ceremony.

Do you mean we have
to have sex with them?

Room, board, and free d*ck?
Up top.

- That's enough.
- I don't see your hand up.

- Ofdylan, silence.
- Wait, I know our names are "of"

whatever the hell chode
pork stuffs

our potent-ass vaginas, but Dylan?

If I wanted to [bleep] slam a Dylan,

I would go to
middle-school detention.

You will honor your commander.

Commander Dylan?
Were Chase and Tyler taken?

Show me an adult man named Dylan.
You [bleep] can't.

They're all in prison for DUls
by the time they're .

I-I'm not sure
how you know so much

of Commander Dylan's
difficult past, but...

I ain't no "of" Dylan.
But I have been of your daddy.

- I'll have your eye for that!
- She'll totally do it.

- Come on then!
- Where did that come from?

My cream crepe, you dumb bitch.

And you don't wanna know
what's up my puddin' pocket.

[Music]
Aah!

Ha-ha-ha!
Look at me now, bitch.

- Here you go, iCarly.
- Bitch Puddin'. That was amazing.

Thanks, Off-White.

Now bring me Dylan
and a coat hanger.

Your new queen ain't gonna
[bleep] herself!

I was made for dystopia.

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪


♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪


♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪


- Ba-gawk!
- Bawk.
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