10x06 - Boogie Bardstown in: No Need, I Have Coupons

[bunniefuu]

[Breathing heavily]

Oh, my gosh.

[Panting]

It's...

[Theme music plays]

♪♪
[Laughing]

♪♪

[Cranking]

♪♪

Man: It's alive!

♪♪

Get ready, rookie.
This is some sick sh*t.

[Retches]
Narrator: McDonaldland always

had a dirty underbelly.

Hell, we sold that underbelly
cheap to make McRibs.

But now someone had
whacked McCheese.

The way he ran this town,
it could've been anybody,

but it was my job
to figure out which anybody.

Rabble, rabble.

I told you,
he doesn't know anything.

Maybe a piping-hot cup of joe
will change his mind.

Ah!, rabble, rabble.

The fry guys, like a two-for-one
McGriddle, it didn't add up.

You salty [bleep] got anything,

or should I mop
the gutter with you?

- Eat me.
- Two, four, six, eight,

you [bleep] mugs
now you will cooperate.

Okay, we overhead some
chick saying the mayor

was nearing his expiration date, see?

Chick, huh? And the time
of death was : a.m.

Early, real early.

The early bird gets the worm.

I wasn't going to let some
burger-headed politician

inject cheesy beef
into my daughters.

[Chuckles]

Mm-hmm.
[Chuckles]

Ha, ha! [g*nsh*t]
Aah!

Oh, my God!
What have I done?

Forget it, rook.
It's McDonaldland.

Narrator: McDonald's new
cheesy beef McNuggets.

Your kids will k*ll for them.

[Groans] You should've
gone for the head.

Concussions are nothing to joke ...
By Asgard's assh*le, stop!

Don't go, Daddy.

I'm just going out
for cigarettes, sweetie.

I'll be right back.

Just try a little spinach, okay?
Look, Mommy likes it.

My human centipede is complete.

I must take a picture for Facebook.

Oh, come on!

Please, don't jump.
You have so much to live for.

Man: No, I don't.
Nobody loves me.

That's not true. Your mother
loves you. Here she is.

[High-pitched voice]
Oh, hello, sweetheart.

It's your mother.
Are you washing your underwear?

[Thud, crowd gasps]

Oh, how is that my fault?

Mr. Peterson, before
we start your colonoscopy,

we'll inject a small bit
of air into your bowels.

You might feel some pressure.

[Inflating]
Uh, Doc?

Announcer:
New from the makers of Bratz,

more sassy dolls
with oodles of attitude.

Here come the Brats.

Meet Madchen...

Am I covered in onions?

Because when you see my style,
you'll be crying.

...Prinzessin...

The bigger the hot dog,
the better.

...Bruste...

Let's have a beach party,

and when I turn brown,
flip me over!

...and Trottel.

Call me a sexy toilet because
when you see me, you must... turd?

- You idiot!
- You stupid!

- You ruined our commercial!
- Catch up with the Brats.

♪ Jacking with fruit
is not the same ♪

♪ As when you call me
by your name ♪

For the crime of witchcraft,

we sentence this
heathen to death.

[Horses neighing]

- More horses.
- You'll never pull me apart.

I'm Stretch [bleep] Armstrong!

Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Hey, guys. Come on.

Yo, Joe! Is everyone
clear on the objective?

- Both: Yo, Joe!
- No, we are not.

This country's dictator is a real snake.

- His people want freedom.
- So let's liberate them!

- Yo, Joe!
- Yo, Joe! Except we actually can't do that

because the oppressed people have
joined forces with t*rrorists.

Good thing G.I. Joe was made
for smashing t*rrorists.

- Yo, Joe!
- Yo, Joe-kay.

But if we smash these t*rrorists, we
risk a nuclear conflict with Russia.

Snake Eyes says
the situation is fubar,

and we should make
a strategic retreat.

We can't do that because
the dictator

is using chemical weapons
against children. Yo, Joe.

And that's one thing G.I. Joe
won't stand for.

- Yo, Joe.
- Dusty, is there sand in your ears?

Removing the dictator
means the t*rrorists win.

Not on my watch!
Oh, wait, Russia...

We've got to do something...

Good idea, Snake Eyes.
Cross-country, take out that hill.

- We did it!
- Yeah!

- Yo, Joe.
- [Bleep] that hill.

We are going to be here
forever, aren't we?

Mom, why did the vet cut off
Scruffy's testicles?

Well, Billy, they were
making Scruffy aggressive

and hard to deal with,
but he'll be much calmer now.

Shut up!
I'm drunk.

Anybody that bugs me is
going to get hit.

When did you put
all these stairs in here?

Do it.

♪♪

♪ Oh, mommy food,
dee-dee-dee-dee ♪

♪ Daddy food,
dee-dee-dee-dee ♪

♪ Baby food, dee-dee-dee-dee ♪

♪ Human food... ♪
Aah!

♪♪

♪ Oh, k*ll the shark,
dee-dee-dee-dee ♪

♪ k*ll the shark, dee-dee-dee-dee ♪

♪ k*ll the shark,
dee-dee-dee-dee ♪

♪ k*ll the shark ♪

♪ Oh, shark BJ,
dee-dee-dee-dee ♪

♪ I'm not gay, dee-dee-dee-dee ♪

♪ But it's okay,
dee-dee-dee-dee ♪

♪ I'm dead ♪

♪♪

♪ Oh, show your teeth,
dee-dee-dee-dee ♪

- ♪ You son of a
- Dee-dee-dee-dee ♪

♪ Now we're done,
dee-dee-dee-dee ♪

♪ So much fun,
dee-dee-dee-dee-dee ♪

Hi, I'm a helpful Honda guy.
I see you had some trouble.

Is there anything
I can help you with?

I've always wanted to know
the truth about

the JonBenét Ramsey case.

- Uh, I can fix your car window?
- You know who had a broken window?

JonBenét Ramsey's house.

I mean, who did it, the parents,
the brother, a kidnapper?

- I would totally like some help with that.
- Uh...

This case is full of inconsistencies ...

the hastily scribbled ransom note,

the time it took to find the body,

the undigested pineapple
in her stomach.

- It doesn't make any sense.
- Are you going to change my flat?

You know who else had a flat?
The back of JonBenét's skull.

It was su1c1de!
Fix my car!

The body was found here.

Oh, my God!
This is it.

I know who k*lled JonBenét Ram...
Aah!

Announcer: Lease the Civic
SI coupe for as little as $

a month plus tax for months or
get . % financing on a Pilot.

If you have any information
about the JonBenét Ramsey

m*rder case, contact your local

- Honda dealership.
- Ugh.

And that's when they realized
the voice was coming

- from inside the phone.
- Okay, cool.

- Anyone have a story that's actually scary?
- I've got one.

Submitted for the approval
of the Midnight Society,

The Tale of the High School
of Doom.

It was just another day
until shadowy figure appeared.

[Evil laughter]
And in its hand was...

A reverse diary that tells
the future instead of the past.

A Trapper Keeper once
owned by Satan.

Its other hand because
it was chopped off!

No, it was an AR- .

I'm an outcast,
and you bullied me maybe.

My motivations aren't super
clear because I'm a teenager

with underdeveloped
control of my emotions,

and now I'm going to
take my revenge. Yeah!

Betty Anne, I'm going to stop

you right there because this ...
not a scary story.

Oh, yes, it is.

I vote to banish Betty Anne
from the society.

Her story isn't scary.
It's just real life.

- Real life is the scariest tale of all.
- I'm chilled to the bone.

I didn't sh*t my pants,
but it's, like, half out.

Everyone, shut up!
You're ruining Midnight Society.

I'm so mad!

- What?
- Oh, my God!

- Go, go, go!
- He's got a g*n!

Aaah!

[Coughs, grunts]

[Shivering] Did that count as real life?
Because that was scary as [bleep].

Gentlemen, our time of reckoning
swiftly approaches.

Soon we will k*ll Ethan Hunt
and his mission impossible team.

- Oh, yeah?
- Ethan Hunt!

- Guard, sh**t him!
- Sorry, sir, but...

[Grunts]
I'm really Ethan Hunt!

[Grunts]
I'm really your bodyguard.

That's funny because
I'm really...

- [grunts] the dog!
- Wait! What?

[Barks]

Ethan Hunt.

Well, if we're all coming
clean, I'm actually...

[Grunts]

I forgot my mask.

For our final challenge,
each of you will be creating

dishes made with an
ingredient you fear most.

Bob Belcher, the man who forces
his children to work for free

and still can't turn a profit,
gets a pigeon.

Oh, God. Oh, God.
Oh, God. Oh, God.

For Alfredo Linguini,
a French chef so bad

they named him after cheap,
wet Italian noodles, a rat!

- Sacré blue!
- For SpongeBob SquarePants, water!

Water?! You live in the sea,
you festering gutter slob!

- But I can't swim, Chef!
- It's "Yes, Chef,"

you piss-colored
tampon alternative!

Finally for Chef,
who's cuisine and character

is a little two-dimensional, thetans,

a.k.a. the souls of dead aliens.

[Chuckles] STDs are actually
my biggest fear, children.

Contestants, start cooking now!

I'm making open-faced
Krabby Patties

with a cherry tomato
remoulade and a glass of

w-w-w-w-water.

Aah, it got on me.
I'll drown!

Aaah!

Fire!
It's impossible to put out!

I'm making
feta-stuffed-pigeon burgers

if I can open my eyes.

[Groans]
Ah, oh, my heart.

Tell Tina "Me too" goes both ways.

I'm making a linguini rat-fredo,

if I could just get my hands
to chop off this rat's God darn...

Don't do it!
That's my Uncle Joey.

- Aaah!
- [Chitters]

I'm making a thetan
lava cake, children.

Just need to pour the thetans
into the chocolate volcano and...

Oh, sh*t!
Everyone, I'm going clear!

Pew, pew, pew!

Got one!
Pew, pew, pew, pew, pew!

- Aaaah!
- Hide and cover! Hide and cover!

Aaaah!

Thetans, you absolute donkeys!

Either make me a risotto
or get the [bleep] out.

All: Yes, Chef.

♪♪

[Slurps]

This risotto is...
out of this world!

The winner is Scientology!

[Cheering]

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪

- Ba-gawk!
- Bawk.