01x09 - Step Class

[bunniefuu]

Guess who's got another date

with Vending Machine Guy
next Thursday? Tsss!

- JACOB: [WOLF-WHISTLES] Wow!
- JANINE: Uh-oh!

You know, Thursday is low-key
the sexiest day of the week.

What? Are you kidding me?
Saturday's the sexiest day.

It's not called "Thursday Night Fever."

I'm partial to Wine Down
Wednesdays myself.

Little Pinot [BRITISH ACCENT]
little "Peaky Blinders."

You all do know what sexy means, right?

Oh, I know.

Look, Thursday is the sexiest day

because it's not as carefree
as Friday and Saturday.

You got to come back to work
and deal with what you've done.

Sounds like regret.

That's sexy, right?

[CHUCKLES] Well, I
don't know about sexy,

but my favorite day
of the week is Sunday.

The good Lord's day.

My favorite day is Tuesday.

Fascinating. Why?
Because it's trash day.

- Yeah, mm-hmm. That checks out.
- AVA: What about you?

Oh, I like Fridays. It's my cheat day.

And what do you do on your cheat day?

Oh, I work out. I just don't do cardio.

Mondays are my absolute favorite day

because that's when I
get to come back here

and see all you guys again.

[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]

BARBARA: Fail! Fail.

- That's a fail.
- GREGORY: The worst day of the week.

♪♪

All right! All right, guys!

Five, six, seven, eight!

[LAUGHTER]

No! No, no, no, guys!

No TikTok dances!

So I've been teaching step after
school here for a few weeks now,

and I loved step so much growing up.

It provided me structure,

you know, that I didn't have at home.

The fact that I can now
do that for these kids

is just a real full-circle moment.

- Hey!
- Oh. I-I got... I got a conflict.

You don't know what it is yet.

My class is putting on
a step show next Friday.

We made so much progress.

Oh, we hear you in there,
stomping the yard.

Yeah, you sound like
a regular Major Payne.

Yes, well, we are building something.

I love a good step show.
It's so good for the kids.

Right?

Who gave you permission
to put this on my wall?

- Is this Comic Sans?
- [SCHOOL BELL RINGS]

Wait a minute. A step class?

Why am I just finding out about this?

I've only been on vacation for a week.

Well, Ava, this has been
going on for three weeks,

and you signed off on it.

Oh, I sign anything
that's put in front of me.

That's how I ended up
cosigning my ex's car loan.

- [CHUCKLES]
- Thanks for your

support. It's been going great.

Well, it could be going better.
Step was my thing in college!

Certainly wasn't academics.
I hate school.

I was my sorority's Step Master!

We won the step show six years in a row.

Wait. Six years?

Okay. You know what?

We should teach your
step class together.

Together? Like, you and me?

What else does "together" mean?

You do know that this
happens after school?

And when the bell rings,
all that's left of you

is a lingering aroma of Shalimar.

Um, excuse me. It's Fenty.

And the bell signals the end of the day.

Okay. You know there's no
extra money involved, right?

Why y'all jumping me?! Can I not do

something out of the
goodness of my heart?

Well, you know what?

If you can commit, then
I'd be more than happy

to have another pair of feet
around. [CHUCKLES]

Well, don't say it like that,
but I'll be there.

And I would ask what I would bring,

but I already know that I'm enough.

[CHUCKLES]

Okay, listen, this has got
bad news written all over it.

She only looks after herself.

I've seen her push students out
of the way during a fire drill.

- True.
- I'm gonna choose

to look at the glass half-full.

Okay. It's your glass.

Just make sure Ava doesn't spit in it.

Mm.

Step show.
Step show happening next Friday.

I get that Ava hasn't historically been

the most reliable,

but she seems really excited about this,

and I think we're gonna
make a great team.

Step's all about the fundamentals.

She's the "fun," and I'm "damentals."

Doesn't sound right.

Oh, my God.
Is that pizza from Dough Nuts?

Best in the city. They
bake it in an oven

blessed by Pope John Paul II.

John Paul II...
Wasn't the most progressive.

Blesses a good oven, though.

I'm just saying, he wouldn't
have blessed a gay oven.

Well, I think it's a fine pizza,
but it is nothing compared to

the burrata pizza at Pauly's. Mwah!

Best pizza in Philly is from Federico's.

They put this mushroom
extract in the sauce

that just kind of relaxes you
to high heaven.

Yeah, you're both wrong.

What makes Philly-style pizza?

Uh, five things.

You got your crust, sauce, cheese,

maybe some toppings,
and the last thing...

It's made in Philadelphia.

Okay, I got an idea...

Tomorrow, everybody bring in
their favorite pizza,

- and we'll have an eat-off.
- Okay.

Gregory!

You never told us
your favorite pizza place.

Oh, I should sit this one out.

I'm more of a Baltimore-style pizza guy.

Ooh, Baltimore pizza.
I've never heard about that.

What makes it so different?

You never heard of Baltimore style?

Oh, it's... It's great.

It's, um, really
crunchy... and, like, wet.

- Wet?
- Yeah, yeah.

No, it's... it's...
It's, um... it's great.

Next time you're there, go to, um...

Say Cheese... Say Cheese Pizza.

- Uh-huh.
- It's... They soak it.

It's, like, sopping. It's... mmm.

I gotta go talk to a child
about a little thing.

[DOOR CLOSES]

All right!

Another fun day of step! [LAUGHS]

Does anyone want to help
lead the warm-ups?

Anyone?

We like to play this fun game
called "call and no response."

The kids are so good at it. [CHUCKLES]

I got the tacos! Now, who got the tea?

I heard Miss Cooper is dating
Mr. Peace and Coach Wilson.

Ooh! Now, that's scandalous.

Um, we actually usually begin
class by doing some stretches

to make sure our bodies
are properly warmed up.

Can't warm up on an empty stomach.

You can't just pump
them full of burritos,

'cause they'll all throw up.

Stepping is half stepping
and half farting around.

They got to bond.

The way we bond is via
structure and discipline.

Nah, it's about who would
have your back at : A.M.

at the after-after-party.

Yeah, people having your back
by learning the steps

is a sign that they'll
have your back out there.

Janine! Are you saying you'd
square up on a stranger for me?

Go ahead and get stuff started.

I'll be back after I finish
my exciting blue slushy.

This is exciting!

Like in those videos with
the unlikely animal friends.

You're like, "There's no way
a parakeet and crocodile

can make it work and...".

Actually, in the one
I just watched, they didn't.

Uh, it was mislabeled. Very tragic.

This Pauly's Pizza is delish, isn't it?

It's decent, but it's not
as good as Dough Nuts. Sorry.

Is anybody else not enjoying
the mouth-feel of Federico's?

Mnh-mnh. Greg?

Oh, I mean,

it's all gonna be trash to me.

I'm a Baltimore pizza guy, like I said.

Mm! You know what?
I thought that might happen.

And so, as your best
friend here at Abbott,

I took it upon myself to
drive two hours to Baltimore

to get you your favorite pizza

from Say Cheese.

That's crazy.

I even asked the pizzaiolo to
make it extra crunchy and wet.

Bon appétit.

Hmm.

A-All right, man, you...
I can't do this.

I-I just don't like pizza!

- What?!
- [MOP CLATTERS]

Say that again.
I don't think I heard you, son.

Sweetheart, what do you mean
you don't like pizza?

I just don't understand the concept

of having a bunch of ingredients

just slosh around in your mouth!

It's not just pizza.

I've got like four or five things

that I actually like,
and I just stick to those.

Do you like pie?

Fruit should not be hot.

Okay. What about a rack of ribs?

Dry rub, no sauce!

That is not for me, but I do like bacon.

He's lying. He doesn't like bacon.

So, how could you not
like pizza, Gregory?

How could you not like... It's pizza!

See? This is why I don't
ever tell anybody, okay?

'Cause everyone always freaks out
and acts like it's a personal att*ck.

It's not my fault! I was born this way.

Don't you bring Lady Gaga into this.

[GRUMBLES]

He doesn't like bacon.

Mm-mm-mm.

I'm telling y'all, it
was like "Bring It On"

but with Black people on both sides,

so you know they ain't
gonna never make that movie.

- [LAUGHTER]
- Oh, hey, girl!

Hey!

I was just telling them about
when I was on " & Park."

Me and Terrence J made our own
top- list that night,

if you know what I mean.

No, I hope they do not
know what you mean.

You think they never seen " & Park"?

How about we put down the chalupas

since we didn't even get
to the routine last time

because you ate too many
hard-shell tacos?

- [ALL GROAN]
- Yep.

Up and at 'em.

[CLEARS THROAT] Okay.

[HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYS]

Five, six, seven, eight.

♪♪

[RHYTHMIC CLAPPING]

Okay. Cut, cut! [CHUCKLES]

That's enough of that.

Uh, all right, hey, guys,

why don't you go ahead and take five?

[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]

Uh, [CLEARS THROAT] what's the problem?

This royalty-free music is wack,
and these moves are tired.

Where'd you get this
routine from? "Barney"?

"The Big Book of Step."

I'm gonna assume that's "Barney."

How did you manage to
make stepping dorky?

Somebody put on some good music.

- Like Cardi?
- Great minds.

Let's move this to the floor.
We gonna need some room.

So, this is becoming like
the crocodile-parakeet video.

She's the crocodile.

♪ Came from a chick who... wanna touch ♪

♪ I said my face b*mb, ass tight ♪

♪ Racks stack up Shaq
height, jewelry on me ♪

Okay, they're not even
following the routine.

Look, the point of this
class was to teach them

structure and responsibility,
not Cardi B lyrics.

Do you ever talk about anything

other than structure and responsibility?

Yes, pride and leadership.

Step is supposed to be fun
and about expressing yourself.

You use that to create a routine.

Well, we have been working on

that routine really, really hard,

and the kids would be devastated
if we had to start over.

- Devastated?
- Yeah.

How many of y'all
wanna do a new routine?

Oh, my...

Jasmine!

The people have spoken,
Lori Leftfoot. [CHUCKLES]

♪ I think it's time
for you to move back ♪

Try to keep up. Hey!

♪ Hit her with karate chop ♪

♪ I'm forever poppin' it ♪

♪ Pullin' up and droppin' it ♪

♪ Gotta argue with him 'cause... ♪

Let's go, Step Queen.
Let's go, Step Queen.

- Hey, Janine.
- Hey.

- What are you doing?
- Step Queen?

[SIGHS]

Well, I have been ousted. [CHUCKLES]

The class chose to learn
from Ava instead of me, so...

That's okay! [CHUCKLES]

I am, uh, getting ready so that
I don't have to stay ready.

Don't you mean get...

Hey, what if we all
just started a step class?

Yes!

Uh, no, actually, I probably shouldn't.

So, Ava's teaching the class
and the kids are into it?

Yeah, you know, but th-they're children.

They don't really... They don't
know what they're doing.

Well, it sounds like they're
really engaged, Ava's engaged.

Wasn't that the whole plan?

[SIGHS]

That's true, yeah.

Ugh.

Guess it just hurts
that they didn't choose me.

You know what? Who cares?

You know, just because
one person or some people

don't like the same thing that you like

doesn't mean that it's
weird to be different.

Okay, just because you don't
like this one popular thing

does not mean that you are weird.

Yeah, yeah. I am not
sure how it relates.

But thank you, Gregory. Thank you.

You know, all I wanted
was a place where,

no matter what was going on at home,

they could enjoy themselves.

Who cares if that's with Ava?

Now, you know I used to
date Allen Iverson.

ALL: Ooh!

He might've been The Answer,
but he was not the one.

[LAUGHTER]

- Clearly, we have different styles.
- GREGORY: Mm-hmm.

But, you know, if Ava's committed,

then that's really cool. You know what?

This is a good thing.

Y'all make sure you stretch out.

Forgot to have you sign
the liability waivers.

Hey, Ava.

Um, I just wanted to say I'm sorry

for how I acted, uh, earlier.

I let my ego get in the way
of the step class, so...

- You did do that, huh?
- Yes, I...

You were like, "I'm Janine.
I like responsibility

and structure and weighted blankets."

The three pillars.

You wanna see what
we've been working on?

Oh. Absolutely. Yeah.

Ladies and Jeremiah, get in formation.

Beyoncé would be proud.

Five, six, seven, and...

Girl, this ain't time for your solo.

- Get out the line.
- Right. Right.

[STEPPING]

Are you guys ready for the step show?

We are going to blow your minds

with the performance Ava came up with.

- Ava?
- Yeah, I thought you were in charge.

Well, I'm trying to move away
from hierarchical leadership,

but Ava is a great leader.

- [CHUCKLES] Who'd have thought?
- I know, right?

I mean, she did try to get the
kids into Akon's cryptocurrency,

but she's been there every day, so...

Yeah, there's gotta be
some kind of catch.

I mean, maybe it's just time
for you guys to admit

that you misjudged Ava.

Janine, do not get your hopes up,

because Ava will find a way
to bring them down.

I don't think that's fair.
She's been doing the work.

Maybe Ava has never
risen to expectations

because nobody believed in her.

- Nah.
- That's not it. Mnh-mnh.

Yeah, that was a bit much.

But I'm telling you, I believe in her.

She's taking a...

step in the right direction.

[CHUCKLES]

Why is Gregory outside
in his car, eating?

Oh, no.

Ah, crap.

[CAR HORN HONKS]

Girlfriend...

Is he doing sit-ups in there?

Gregory, what are you doing out here?!

MELISSA: Is this about the pizza?!

No.

What is that? What are you eating?

Why don't you just leave me

and my boiled-chicken sandwich alone!

Oh, boiled?!

That's the worst way to cook it, man!

Oh, I'm sorry. I could salt it...

You know what? I don't have to
explain anything to y'all, okay?

I'm a grown-ass man!

[CAR WINDOW MOTOR WHIRRING]

Ooh, I think we broke that boy.

[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]

Oh. Hey. Greg.

Hey! Oh, my God. I'm
so happy you guys came!

Oh, just a heads-up...

Um, there are some parts in the routine

that are a little bit risqué,

so when I give you the
signal, just go ahead

and turn away... Turn away from it.

Well, I'm excited. I've been
waiting for this my entire life.

You know, I applied to Morehouse.

Where's Ava?

Uh, Ava's just probably somewhere

working out those knees, you know.

She's the real star of the show.

Wait until you guys see the work
that she put into this.

- I'm just...
- Uh, Miss Teagues?

Principal Coleman left.
You're gonna have to lead us.

What do you mean she left?

She said that something came up
and that you'd handle it.

Wha... I can't handle it.
I barely know the routine.

That's what I said.

Ava will be Ava.

MELISSA: Yeah, you give her a
chance, she's gonna let you down.

I'd make that bet times out of .

You want me to buy you some time?

- Yes.
- Abbott Elementary, make some noise!

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] Yeah.

I'm gonna make this
basketball disappear.

Ta-da! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

Ava, where are you going?

I'm busy right now, Janine.

What, are you waiting for an Uber Black

to take you to an U*i Vert concert?

You know that man don't come out
during the daytime.

Go take care of your step class.

I can't, because you
changed the routine.

- Then do your wack-ass routine!
- You know what?

Everybody told me not to trust you.

They said you'd do this. And I said no,

because I believed in you.

And now it's messing with the kids.

You can't think of anyone
other than yourself.

Oh, an airport van to take you
on another vacation?

Baby?

- Did you have to bring her here?
- She had an episode.

We couldn't calm her down
and figured it would help her

to see your face.

I'm here now, Grandma.

It's okay, Grandma. I'm here.

- GIRL: Whoa-ho-ho!
- Whoa!

David Blaine ain't got nothin' on me!

- [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
- How does he do it?

I mean... Hey, weird eater.

Come over here.

All right, listen.

Is it bananas you don't like food? Yes.

Would it send my Nana Vincenze
into a fit of depression?

- Absolutely.
- It's really bizarre.

I've never seen anything like it.

- Is there a second part to this?
- Yeah.

Everyone's got something
a little weird about them.

She likes to sit facing the door.

Yeah, 'cause you don't ever
know what's gonna go down.

And Jacob is, you know... Jacob.

- And we all know Barbara's...
- Doesn't have a weird thing about her.

Right. So the moral of the story
is, we're all weirdos here.

Or the moral of the story is
that, since we're all weird,

then none of us are.

- No. % we're weird.
- No. That's not how it works.

- We're weird.
- Mnh-mnh.

By the way, I would
like to be reimbursed

for my excursion to Baltimore.

I took toll roads.

[DOOR OPENS]

Janine, what are you doing here?

Don't you have a step performance

you're supposed to be preparing for?

I just wanted to say sorry
for what I said back there.

There's no need to apologize.

No, no. I...

Janine, why do you have to
make such a big moment

out of these apologies?
You're wrong all the time.

I wouldn't say all the time.

Is your grandmother okay?

Yeah, she'll be fine.

She's been staying with me
for the past couple weeks,

but we finally found someplace

that could take care of her full-time.

She's just not used to it yet.

Okay.

So that's what you were doing
while you were on vacation?

Well, I did watch seven seasons
of "Survivor,"

so it wasn't not a vacation.

You know, the kids really love

that routine that you came up with.

It was just something
we threw together.

The kids are doing the
heavy lifting, so...

Yeah. Mm-hmm.

[BREATHES DEEPLY]

Well, if you want...
we can still do the performance.

Together.

[BOYFRIEND FEATURING BIG FREEDIA'S
"MARIE ANTOINETTE" PLAYS]

♪ Livin' fabulous ♪

♪ Livin' lavish ♪

♪ Livin' stylish ♪

♪ Flamboyant ♪

♪ Extravagant ♪

♪ Livin' lavish ♪

- ♪ Yeah, I'm a bad... ♪
- Thank you!

I'm gonna be here for the next
three hundred and six...

[APPLAUSE]

Let's hear it for the
almighty Abbott Steppers!

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

Five, six, seven, eight.

ALL: Abbott Elementary!

♪ I'ma roll up in a golden carriage ♪

♪ Four, five, six white stallions ♪

♪ That match what I'm wearin' ♪

♪ I walk in, and my status is apparent ♪

♪ And I fan myself with feathers
while I yawn, an heiress ♪

Get it, girls!

♪ I wanna live expensive
like Marie Antoinette ♪

♪ Let them eat cake, let them
eat cake, let them eat cake ♪

♪ You got to, you got to,
you got to eat that cake ♪

♪ I don't pop bottles,
I drink champagne off the font ♪

♪ And I need a red carpet
when I drive on the ♪

♪ Don't want no drama in my life ♪

♪ Unless it's front row
at the opera house ♪

♪ With "Madame Butterfly" ♪

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

Look at that.

Crocodiles and parakeets can be friends.

You guys did amazing.

ALL: Thank you!

Janine, you did okay.

Ava, you know what?

You really stepped... up.

I can tell that you've been
waiting to say that all week.

Thanks, Janine. I appreciate you.

Oh.

Mnh!

Janine, that performance was on point!

Oh! And they say UPenn
students can't step.

- Wait. Who says that?
- So, wait.

What was the drama with Ava this time?

Oh, you know, she just had to take
care of some stuff real quick.

She made it here for the kids.

She showed up just
like I said she would.

Mm-hmm. I still say this ends
up with you at the bottom

of a pyramid scheme,
but, hey, that was fun.

- Yeah. Yeah!
- I enjoyed it.

Great job.

Better than Morehouse.

It was a really good show. Very good.

- Thank you. Thank you so much.
- Yeah.

Now I'm starving.
Do you wanna go get some pizza?

- Uh, yeah, uh, pizza sounds delicious.
- Okay.

Um, what was your
favorite part of the show?

Oh, I would say the "five, six,
seven, eight" portion

where everybody got really structured.

[CLAPPING, STOMPING]

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. [LAUGHS]

Oh, oh, oh.