11x04 - May Cause the Exact Thing You're Taking This to Avoid

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Robot Chicken". Aired: February 20, 2005 –present.*
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American adult animated comedy with a series of pop-culture parodies about everything.
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11x04 - May Cause the Exact Thing You're Taking This to Avoid

Post by bunniefuu »

[Theme music playing]

♪♪

♪♪

MAN: It's alive!

♪♪

[Cackling]

♪♪

[Cackling]

[Roaring]

[Grunts]

[Roars]
[Laughs]

Looks like we're going to get
ourselves an... Oh, sh*t!

Ah, bollocks!

We need a thousand
yards of giant chain

to drag that b*at out of the drink!

If only I'd anticipated this!

Or did I?!
[Horns horn]

♪ Night King,
I'm the king of the ice town ♪

♪ Learned strategy
while studying at Georgetown ♪

♪ I been planning how to knock
a big wall down! ♪

- Shh! - ♪ Make Jonny Snow's
Night's Watch have a meltdown ♪

♪ Don't be doubtin' me,
the king of the night ♪

♪ Brought a giant dragon arrow
to this fight ♪

♪ And if you think I'd lose that
lizard down the drain ♪

♪ It's time you haters meet the
guy we call Whitey Two-Chain ♪

♪ Oh, you need chains, son,
I got 'em by the mile ♪

♪ Sell chains by the link,
I sell 'em by the pile ♪

♪ Whitey Two's been bustin' chains ♪

♪ Since you was eatin' babies ♪

♪ Big chains for the dragons ♪

♪ And gold ones for the ladies ♪

♪ So if you need chains,
any place, any time ♪

♪ Call Whitey,
triple- - - ♪

ANNOUNCER: Need chains?
Call Whitey Two-Chains,


day or night, he's got you
covered... in chains!


- Hey!
- I'm on an ice dragon!

Good news, our live action
remake of the "Goofy" movie

is a hit; bad news, Disney is
officially out of old

animated movies
to regurgitate into gold!

"Song of the South"?
Oh, no, wait.

That's only partly animated.
I'm sorry! [Grunts]

Maybe we could
make something original.

Oh, I said the bad thing
out loud!

I might have an idea for you.

Walt Disney! You came back!

I was buried under a sea of
garbage in the animation vault,

but now I'm free.
Larry, I'm going to need you

to gesticulate a little less.

So, look, there is one film
in the vault

no one ever talks about...

a bit thin
in the narrative department.

But with some tweaks, it'll make
a humdinger of a feature.

Come on, Larry, drop me a fatty.

[b*at-boxing]

♪ In the early days of Disney ♪

♪ Pioneering cartoon features ♪

♪ I had a cracking vision that
made shorties for the teachers ♪

♪ I just loved impartin' wisdom
and enhancing education ♪

♪ But the film I loved the most
was The Story of Menstruation ♪

♪ We'll tell the tale of a girly
who's about to be a lady ♪


♪ And her ovaries are cranky
'cause they wanna make a baby ♪


♪ And her uterus is pushing and
her bladder's 'bout to blow ♪


♪ And the villain of our story
is her ugly Aunt Flo ♪


FLO: ♪ You'll be gushing
blood for days ♪

♪ From your teenage ragamuffin ♪

♪ And the only way to staunch it
is my friend here Mr. Stuffin' ♪

- [Laughter]
- MAN: Stop, stop, stop! Come on!

I had more minutes of that!

This is no film, Mr. Disney.
It's... a franchise!

- Green light!
- Jumping sound!

[Reading] _

Can you bring me
my coffee, Jamiroquai?

Okay...
[Music]

Not, not, not. That's not
where the coffee is. Not.

You know what?
I'll just get it myself.

Butterfly, tree, ladybug, cloud.

Liminal iconography
representing human aspirations

divided between the spiritual
and the temporal.

Another bird, goldfish.

Hang on, Luke, you can keep warm

by sleeping in this dead tauntaun.

[Dramatic chord]

[Grunting]

♪♪

Jerry! Oh, Jerry!

The kids and I
thought you were dead!

- Come on, let's get you home.
- Ah, crap.

No, no...
I'm not touching you!

Everyone good with
ice rats for dinner?

- I've got to get out of here.
- Stop it, stop it, stop it!

Dad, you promised
we'd throw the ball!

- [Grunts]
- Ow!

Way to get in front of it, Dad!
You're great at baseball.

You promised you'd
teach me to dance.

Wow, your moves are both
def and fresh!

Dad, you dance like
M.C. Hammerhead!

Where do you think you're going?

[Whispering] It's Wednesday.

- [Squealing]
- [Grunting]

ALL: Happy birthday!

You're the heart
of this family, Jerry.

I don't know where
we'd be without you.

It says we love you, Dad!

- Blow out the candles, Dad!
- Uh... [Sputtering]

- Yay!
- We'll go cut you a slice.

Here you are, kid!

I've been tracking you for months.
Let's get out of here.

I used to think my destiny
was being a Jedi,

but now I know
it's to be a good father

as a man inside of
a dead tauntaun body.

- [Stammering]
- [Chuckles nervously]

- Oops.
- Well, I'll go next.

I'm actually in ewok
who hid in this body

- after I crash landed on this planet.
- And I am tauntaun,

but I'm in the body
of another dead tauntaun.

Oh, then I guess it's time to go.

Oh, my God, that means...

no more responsibilities for Susan!

[Woman vocalizing]

[Somber cello music]

[Mugging]

Hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee!
Hee-hee...

[Sobbing]

Oh, good heavens!

I shouldn't have taken
so much melatonin last night!

Wait, where am I?

[Photographers shouting,
goose squawking]

So, Mr. Kenobi

under job experience,
you wrote "influencer."

You know, that's... that's
not a real job, right?

- It is a real job.
- It is a real job.

You want to see
some of my bikini pics?

I want to see
some of your bikini pics.

Oh, boy! Vacation!

Despite my monotone
personality, I too am excited.

Yeah, man,
I may be the Grim Reaper,

but sometimes you need
an adventure that ain't so grim.

VOICE: Welcome aboard
Malaysia Airlines Flight .


We've got nothing but
smooth sailing ahead of us.


Me hate them so much.

Are those your kids?
They're darling.

No, mon. I'm the Grim Reaper.


They want me
as an indentured servant

in a rigged limbo competition.

- It's all in the Wikipedia.
- That's awful.

It's ...
March , , to be exact.

And sl*very is not cool in ,
not that it was ever.

It was never cool, guys.
Never, ever.

Maybe she's right.

- Whoa!
- Grim?! Grim!

No more "Grim Adventures of
Billy and Mandy," mon!

[Screaming]

♪♪

_

You're damn right, no bodies
were ever found!

Took a vote on the plane
and everyone wanted to visit

the island from "Lost"!

Grim Reaper magic, mon!
I can make that sh*t happen.

Happy little trees.

[Chainsaw droning, tree screams]

[Tree screaming, saw whirring]

Why?!

Happy little trees. So happy,
and if I say it loud enough,

I can't hear their unhappy
little screams.

- Hey, [bleep] you!
- Let's practice cloud smudges

using just our fingers...
happy clouds.

Maxwell, it's so cool you invited us

to your home of Sylvania
for spring break.

Plus it means we didn't have to go
to Gena's a cappella competition.

Their version of "Amazing Grace" is...

♪ Auditory as*ault! ♪

You are such a d*ck, Steve, I
don't even know why I date you.

It is my pleasure to present you,

my non-Sylvanian college friends,

at the Sylvanian Summer Festival
as my special gifts.

- You mean guests, right?
- We are here!

♪♪

Um, why are the elephant people

the same size as
the squirrel people?

It is the Sylvanian Family way,
don't think about it,

and lose yourself
in some , proof mead!

Oh, no, thanks. It feels like
I'm choking just being here.

Don't mind if I do!

- Holy shitballs, that is raw!
- [Laughs]

Mother, father, sister, come...
Gena, meet my family.

Any friend of Maxwell
is a friend of ours,

especially one
with such fine birthing hips.

We made you this traditional
Sylvanian bridal flock!

- Um, I'm sorry?
- My parents are the tailors

of Sylvania...
it's not like you're marrying

Mother Earth or anything.

- Yet!
- [All laughing]

Okay, uh, Steve...

do you think we could just, like...
Steve!

[Giggling]

Freya Chocolate Rabbit is in heat!

- And she likes you, lucky boy!
- Steve is my boyfriend.

He doesn't [bleep] rabbits.

Gena, we said we're going
to experience

everything about Sylvanian
culture, now stop...

You're blocking me, Gena.

Well, Freya can't mate
with another rabbit

because all of the rabbits
and Sylvania are related,

just like all the hedgehogs

- and the squirrels and hippos.
- Oh, my God!

If we made amongst ourselves,

we end up with weird variants

like Giant Ralph
Walnut Squirrel,

[Grinding]

- Sylvanian brunch is served!
- Oh! This place is madness!

Steve, we've gotta ge...
Where's Steve?!

Oh, listen, listen, I think he's
deep inside the rabbit hole!

[Moaning]

Steve!

[Whooping]

I am with child, I can feel it.
Whoo-ha!

- Steven!
- Hey, baby.

It turns out Sylvanian culture
is [bleep] awesome.

I'm totally breaking up with you.

You can't leave, we already
skinned Patrick Bear!

As our Sylvanian
Summer Queen,

you must dress Steve in this
skin and burn him alive!

- It is the Sylvania Family way!
- Burn Steve? Mm...

Now we administer the nectar
of Sylvanian lotus berry

so he feels no pain...

No!
I want him to feel this burn!

- Ladies?!
- ♪ Amazing grace ♪

♪ How sweet the sound ♪

♪ That saved a wretch
like me ♪

♪I once was lost,
but now I'm found ♪

♪ Was blind, but now I see ♪

STEVE: Burn me!
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