11x07 - May Cause Lucid m*rder Dreams

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Robot Chicken". Aired: February 20, 2005 –present.*
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American adult animated comedy with a series of pop-culture parodies about everything.
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11x07 - May Cause Lucid m*rder Dreams

Post by bunniefuu »

[Theme music playing]

[Cackling]

##

MAN: It's alive!

##

[Cackling]

##

[Cackling]

Naruto, you have the Fox
of Nine Tails spirit within you.

But to become the leader
of the Konoha village,

you must first survive
the ninja exam!

##

Let the ninja exam begin!

Whoo-ha!

"Think of a ninja you admire,

and list three of the qualities

that make him or her a good leader.

Which quality do you
share with him or her?


Which quality
could you improve upon?"


Oh, my [bleep] God.

##

Essay section!

##

Time!
Multiple choice!

Make a butterfly design.

Teachers love when you get creative.

No, they don't.

Time!
Ha-ha-ha!

Written section, %.

Essay section!

Essay! Section!

Good thesis statement,

- backed up by some real bullshit.
- Ugh!

Multiple choice!

%!
Should have at least drawn a butterfly.

[Sobs]

Naruto, you have failed!

Aah! Ugh!

[Sobs]

However, your father is a very
generous donor to our school.

- Congratulations! You are a ninja!
- Yeah!

Oh, happy day!

Another month down.

Time for this uterus
to finally make a baby!

[Dramatic music plays]

God damn it!
Every month, Charlotte!

Stop gaslighting me!

- I hate you!
- I'm just thinking of, like,

getting really into line
dancing this year, you know?

Ow! Owww!
Oww, owww!

[Whispering] You're bleeding
through your pants again.

God damn it!
Every [bleep] month, uterus!

ANNOUNCER: Welcome to
"Legends of Hardball,"


the all-star game for ball players

with hilarious names.

Yes, folks, these are
actual baseball players.


Tonight, it's a classic pitching
duel between Rollie Fingers


and Catfish Hunter.

And here comes leadoff
batter Johnny Dickshot!


John Oscar Dickshot,
lifetime batting average of .


and born well before
the internet, thankfully.


Fingers with a slider.

And it's a high hard
one to center field!


Here comes
Pete LaCock and d*ck Cox,


and no one is calling fair ball.

Oh! It's a [bleep] slam!

Well, there's a rare sight, folks...
two [bleep] no ball.


Johnny Dickshot rounds second base.

Ty Cobb is waving him in.
Dickshot's going all the way!


But Rusty Kuntz queefs the ball

down the third baseline
to Trey McNutt.


And here comes Dickshot
right into McNutt!


Umpire Harry Colliflower with the call.

Safe!

Manager Kevin Quackenbush does
not like that call one bit.


[Duck squabbling]

[Fanfare plays]

[Crowd cheering]

[Melancholy music plays]

Ugly, ugly, ugly, ugly!

[Sobbing] Ugly! Guh!

Mmph. Delicious!

[Sobbing] Ugly, ugly!

Ugh!
Mmm!

Mmm, mmm, mmm!

[full mouth] I'm lovin' it.

It's over, Hans.
You're about to die hard.

You'll die hard too...
die harder, McClane.

I've got t*rrorists on
every floor of this building.

I already told 'em I
was coming to k*ll you.

They know you're finished.

Yippee-ki-yay,
mother[bleep].

Ugh!

Aah!

Aaah!

Aww.

You guys are so sweet.

Ugh!

Merry Christmas, sweetie.

It's Baby Secret! The doll
that whispers private things!

Tell me a secret!
[Giggles]

- Santa Claus is a lie.
- [Gasps]


Tell me another secret, Baby Secret.

Your older sister's your real mom.
Your mom's your grandma!


Huh?! [Cord snaps]

Oh, sh*t. You k*lled me!

[Bleep] you!

She was right about your sister.

Please, Pinhead, let us go!

Never! Your suffering shall
be eternal in this hellscape...

WOMAN: Pinhead! Pinhead!
Mama needs you, sweetums.


Uh... y-you will rue the day when...

I can hear your monologuing!

Do you need to take care of that?

What, Mom?! Gosh!

Honey, I need your help
with a sewing pattern.

- I'm out of pins.
- Ugh.

- Pin, a pin...
- Ow! Alright, that's enough.

- A safety pin? How'd you get in there?
- You got... You got enough.

Oh! [Grunting]

Please help me, Jesus!

Pouf! Jesus!
Alright, let's do this!

Give him the other cheek.

There you go!

[Bell dings]

If I ask you to marry me again,
you will.

Alakazam! Force power!

Hey!
Wait! We can do that?!

We know where she is...

Ah! Aah! Aah!

[Snap!] Not fair!

Force magic!
Wah!

[Applause]

Ugh! Augh!

- Heyyy!
- Wow! W-Where did that come from?

Ah! Ah!

Yah! Ta-da!

- Where'd Commander Ren go?
- Just vanished!

Ta-da! [Laughter]

Magic! What?!

Thank you. Thanks.

Lightsaber! Flowers!

BOTH: The Force, ladies and gentlemen!

The Force!

Are you seriously rolling your eyes?
That was amazing.

It's been so boring
since the blizzard hit.

We haven't had a guest in weeks!

What should we do today?

Oh! We haven't bullied Mr. Moseby yet.

Come to think of it, I
haven't seen him in days.

Is that a calculator?

I think it's called a tap-writer.

- Let's go fart in his ear.
- He'll love that.

Do you want to read my novel?

[Both scream]

I need notes!

- Big wheelers!
- Yeah! Whoo-hoo!

♪ There's a ghost in that room ♪

♪ One writin' "redrum" on the wall ♪

♪ Zack and Cody had the suite life ♪

♪ Now they've got haunted halls ♪

BOTH:
Come play with us, Zack and Cody.


There's only room for one
set of twins in this hotel!

I thought we were special!

- # Used to be they had a lucky streak #
- Aah! Twins!


- # Now they're practically in hell #
- [Bleep] you. Assholes.


♪ Turns out life ain't always sweet ♪

♪ When you live in a hotel ♪

Whew! Think we lost 'em.

"Tipton Ball, July , "?!

I knew Mr. Moseby was
old, but not years old.

It makes sense if he's
a g-g-g-g-g-g-ghost!

[Elevator bell dings]

This is so not sweet!

Heeeeere's Marion!

Wait. Your name's Marion?

- Oh, my God!
- [Laughter] Ah-ha-ha

That's so embarrassing!
That's on your driver's license?!

You have to put that on your
job applications and stuff?!


- Har har har!
- Ah-ha-ha! Whoa!

John Wayne's first name was Marion.

♪ This is "The Shining Life" ♪

Oh, boy, my aunt Trudy
sent me a free membership

to MasterClass instead of the life-size

Chewbacca pillow buddy I requested,

which was definitely
not for sexual purposes.

[Cellphone chimes]
Ooh!

Martin Scorsese teaches filmmaking.

Maybe he'll finally explain his heresy

against the Marvel Cinematic Universe.

Welcome to my MasterClass.

I'll start with the films that
influenced me as a young man.


First up, Ozu's tone poem,
"A Story of Floating"...


Oh, this is incredibly entertain...

[Snoring]

- Uh, where am I?
- You talking to me?

Oh, my gosh, it's Ben Stiller's dad.

You know, I wouldn't have
pegged him for a Yondu fan.

- Nice Mohawk, Mr. Focker.
- That's Travis Bickle,

the troubled anti-hero
from my film "Taxi Driver."

And you're Iris, the teen
runaway he ultimately rescues.

- Eeee, action!
- I have a taxicab confession.

I've n... I've never seen this movie.

- Geez, you're so handsy.
- Time to sell that body, honey.

- Mr. White!
- Ah! Sleep g*n!

Pow pow pow pow!
g*n noises!

You're safe, Iris.

Now I must go to my tiny
studio apartment. To scrapbook.

Oh, my gosh. Teen runaways?

Harvey Keitel?
Scrapbooking?!

I always thought "Taxi Driver"

was that Queen Latifah
movie where she doesn't rap.

- But this is awesome.
- At its best,

cinema surprises us with
the way it makes us feel.

Right, like when Yondu
dies in "Guardians ."

Have you ever cried and been
aroused at the same time?

The power of cinema!

Even a garbage space
movie can elicit emotion.

Garbage?

I mean, it wasn't as
good as "Guardians ,"

but garbage? [Chuckling]

♪ Open up your eyes, kid ♪

♪ There's so much more to see ♪

♪ Than nerd jack fantasies ♪

♪ Ohhhhhh ♪

♪ It's a great big
cinematic world out there ♪

♪ With subjects to
challenge you and me ♪

♪ From aught-two when Méliès
took a trip to the moon ♪

♪ To Hitchcock shanking Janet
in that psycho's bathroom ♪

Al Hitchcock turned the
film world upside down

by k*lling who we thought was
the protagonist of "Psycho"

- in the second reel. Crazy!
- Um, you know what else is crazy?

That Kn*fe's not even touching me.

As a matter of fact, the blade
never even got close to her.

But the audience was certain
they'd seen it go stabby-stabby.

You should see
"Friday the th Part D."

It looked so real, I wet myself.

That's a power of cinema!
Wheeeeeee!

♪ Easy Rider's hippies showed
the world's changing tide ♪

♪ And gangster tropes
got bang-bang-banged ♪

♪ In "Bonnie and Clyde" ♪

- Bonnie, I am impotent.
- Eh, I'm cool with that.

Oh, my gosh, did this
really happen in the movie?

A slow-motion ballet of bloodshed.

- Ah, like "Step Up : The Streets."
- Agree to disagree.

This is the ultimate takedown
of murderous criminals

the audience has
actually come to root for.

This is so cool!

Ugh, agh, eee!
Say, how long does this go on for?

Geh! Aah! Aah!

Oh! Oh.

[Chuckling] It was just a dream.

But I learned so much
about the power of cinema.

So did I. Poor Yondu.

You know, I'm rethinking my whole
stance on the Marvel Universe.

I hope you don't mind me telling
you I'm at full mast here.

And the student becomes
the adjunct professor.

So, what time does your mom make dinner?

It's Tuesday. I'm thinking tacos,
followed by "Step Up : The Streets."

- Uhhh...
- I call it "Step Up Tuesday."

Now, "The Irishman,"
it was too [bleep] long.

Wha... Mother! Rude!

I'm so sorry, Marty.
I call him Marty.

- We're friends.
- No, we're not.

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪


♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪


♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪


Ba-gawk!
Bawk.
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