11x12 - Happy Russian Deathdog Dolloween 2 U (Special)

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Robot Chicken". Aired: February 20, 2005 –present.*
Watch/Buy Amazon  Merchandise


American adult animated comedy with a series of pop-culture parodies about everything.
Post Reply

11x12 - Happy Russian Deathdog Dolloween 2 U (Special)

Post by bunniefuu »

♪♪

Happy Halloween.

Oh, no. My head!

[Chuckles]
I got you all so good.

- I'm not really dead.
- Get out of here.

Hi, Gertrude Bertha.

Oh. Oh, God.

Will I see you out there
trick or treating tonight?

- Will you what?
- Like when we were kids.

We dressed like Teletubbies
and sang the theme song all night.

♪ Teletubbies, Teletubbies,
oh, oh, oh ♪

You're not singing.

♪ Teletubbies, Teletubbies,
oh, oh, oh ♪

Oh, my God, shut up!
Trick or treating is for babies.

We're going to
the big costume party.

Hope no one steals your
candy tonight, sh*t toilet.

[Laughter]

♪ Torn between two Halloweens ♪

♪ One for tweens
and one for teens ♪

♪ Used to be my favoritest day ♪

♪ But now it's getting ripped away ♪

Mom, can I stay out late tonight

and make life choices
I'm not prepared for?

WOMAN: Your father and I
are hooked on opiates, honey.


Do whatever.

My parents are b*mb ass.

Now I need the perfect
big boy costume.

Come on, big bucks, no whammies,
no whammies, and... stop.

♪♪

Happy Hallo...
[Vomits]

- Oh my God, gross.
- What are you supposed to be?

I'm the feature film
"Sonic the Hedgehog"

original CGI design with
off-putting human proportions.

Well, now you're
covered in my barf.

Eh, what up, doc?

- Oh, hey, Gyro Robo.
- Shut the [bleep] up.

I'm just Daniel here.

But you've insisted on your
"GoBots" code name for years.

Yeah, and I'm still
a touchless, kissless virgin.

That's causation,
not correlation, my friend.

Oh, wow, Gertrude Bertha's here.

And she's Lola
from "Run Lola Run."

It's a sign.
We both run for a living.

I've got to go say hi.

Or I could just go home.
Peace out.

Oh, no, no, you don't.
What would Sonic do?

- He'd go fast.
- Yes.

- Yeah, here I go.
- Go fast.

I got to go fast!

Ah! Ah! Aah!

[Slow-motion]
Who the heck is that guy?

[Normal speed]
Uh-oh. Window.

Feel the impact.

♪♪

Aah! Startled awakening!

Gosh, I had the weirdest dream.

Hey, where's my Sonic costume?

Oh, geez, I'm late.

I'll have to wear
the kick-ass costume

I was saving for Comic-Con.

[Imitates transforming]

Happy Hallo...
[Vomits]

Oh, that's so disgusting.

♪♪

Ugh, a party's no place
for a giant robot.

However...
[Imitates transforming]

Vroom, vroom.
Engine noise.

Screech, screech.
Vroom.

Eh, what's up, doc?

[Imitates transforming]
Back into bot.

I'm having the worst
déjà vu.

You were there
and that pukey groundhog

and Gertrude Bertha.

What did you do about
that fire last time?

Fire? What are you...

- This is déjà new!
- Aah!

Who put that in there?

- Hey, boo.
- Who is that guy?

And what's that butt-faced
costume supposed to...

Oops, no time.
I'm burning!

Vroom, vroom, vroom!

[Imitates transforming]

Put him out before he sets
all our cool kid coke on fire!

Aah, aah, aah!

[Imitates transforming]

Vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom!

- Ah, this fire extinguisher's empty.
- He's burning alive, man!

Put him out of his misery.

Big rig!

No! No, no, no!

Stop, drop, and roll me!
Stop, drop, and roll me!

♪♪

Aaah! I'm dead!

No, I'm alive.

Oh, no, I'm caught in
one of those time loop movies.

Well, it was bound
to happen eventually.

But who is the butt-faced k*ller,
and why does he want me dead?

I'm literally America's sweetheart.

Alright, let's get organized.

Time loop to do's
and not to do's.

Not to do... learn piano
to impress Andie MacDowell.

Who cares?

To do... identify personal
flaw that needs fixing. Oh, boy.

Not to do...
make J.K. Simmons mad.

To do...
figure out ticking clock.

Oh, my costumes.

Every time I use one
in a time loop, it disappears.

I bet when they're all gone,
I'm all gone.

I've got to stop
the butt-faced k*ller

before I run out of cosplay.

I know... I'll go as the hardest
to k*ll character there is.

Happy Hallo...
[Vomits]

Ohhh. To do... remember
Puke-sutawney Phil.

What, do you puke every time
you see your shadow?

Jesus [bleep] Christ.

What's up, doc?
Glad you asked.

I'm reliving the same party
over and over,

and I need to find my k*ller.

Ooh, just like "Donnie Darko."

"Donnie Darko"
was not a time loop movie.

- Agree to disagree.
- Spinach puff, sir?

Fun fact... spinach is
my least favorite vegetable,

but I'd even eat dog sh*t
in puff form.

And the winner of
tonight's costume contest

is the train from "Source Code."

- Oh, my God.
- Choo-choo, assholes.

What? That's the worst
costume I've ever...

Ohhh.

My stomach suddenly
doesn't feel so good.

[Farting]

[Crying]

Spinach puff waiter?

Those puffs were bad, man.
They were really bad.

- Surprise, b*tches.
- Oh, no.

The butt-faced k*ller.
Pooping sounds.

Oh, my God.
I just got to wipe real...

Huh.
Well, this could be tricky.

Easy. Careful.

Ooh, I hope that wasn't
my ass artery.

Oops. It was.

Woozy. Death sounds.

♪♪

Let's try this again.

Happy Hallo...
[Vomits]

Moon Prism Puke
Avoidance Pirouette.

Face slap.

Oh, no, my wig is...

Where's... Tuxedo Mask, save me!

In the name of the moon,
I will punish...

[Groans]
[Crowd gasps]

Losing life.

♪♪

[Laughs]

Happy Hallo...
[Vomits]

I got to get this checked out.

Ha! I've outsmarted
Mother Time herself.

[Laughs] Aah!

Ah, Katy Perry, be with me tonight.
No one will know.

The butt-faced k*ller.

Bo staff!
Eat some d*ck, Da Vinci!

Aah!

[Gurgling] Somebody help!

Really, nobody's gonna...
[Gurgling]

♪♪

I guess it all comes down to this.

♪♪

Happy Hallo...

This is Halloween!

[Vomits]

♪♪

- Uh, you're basically naked, doc.
- Yeah, I am.


I'm not hiding behind
big, bulky costumes anymore.

You're getting the real me now.

Plus this spray-on six pack.

I got to talk to Gertrude Bertha.

Sure you want
to embarrass yourself?

There's one thing I'm sure of...

embarrassment will be the last
thing that kills me today.

Confident stride.
Hi.

- Hi.
- Cool costume.

You wear German post-punk
experimental film very well.

Thanks.
Or should I say "danke?"

We should hang out like we used to.

- Maybe see a movie sometime.
- Cool. Yeah, whatever.

Cool. Yeah, maybe. Whatever.

Ohh, wedgie!

- Trick or treat, matey.
- Aw, dang it.


I was so close
to having one cool moment.

BUTT-FACED k*ller:
Nerds don't get cool moments.

You were born a loser,
and you gonna die a loser.

I've d*ed enough for one day.

Now it's your turn.

Yaah!

You are apple-solutely gonna die.

And I'll live apple-ly ever after.

- Take your apple, bitch.
- Ow! Ow!

- Helmet fling!
- [Grunts]

[Speaks indistinctly]

Wah! Where am I?
I can't see.

- Somebody call the cops!
- No, we're making memories.

Get off. Yah!

All this fighting's
making me corny.

[Laughs]
What's the matter?

Can't handle the worst
Halloween candy on earth?

The joke's on you.
I love candy corn!

- He's gone crazy.
- Yaaah!

Yah!

Heimlich!

[Vomits]

[Crowd gasps]

You're... You're me!

Of course I'm you.
I'm a metaphor, you idiot.

- [Crowd gasp]
- Did he say matador?

You've always been
your own worst enemy.

No self-confidence.
No bravery.

Just a simpering, whiny,
loser, baby nerd.

- You're weak!
- I contain multitudes.

I'm nice.
I'm a loyal friend.

I'm good at math.
I'm punctual.

I'm cutting down on p*rn.

I compliment new hairstyles.

And guess who's got zero cavities?

[Crowd gasps]

I did it, everybody!
I k*lled my own insecurities!

Really? Because it looks like
you m*rder*d a close relative.

Relax, everybody.
I'm not actually dead.

Rip. [Laughs]
Surprise!

- I'm Loopy, the Time Loop Toucan.
- Who?

I'm the magical toucan
behind every time loop.

Did you ever ask yourself
why Bill Murray repeated

- Groundhog Day over and over?
- I assumed it was God.

- It's the Spaghetti Monster.
- The great Satan.

I would have said energon cubes.

[Laughs] Wrong!

- It was Loopy, the Time Loop Toucan.
- But why me?

I saw a nerd trying to attend
a cool kid party

and thought, "Let's humiliate
the sh*t out of that kid."

Plus to help you grow and change.

Whatever, nerd.

I don't know what this
peacock is talking about,

but you do seem more mature now.

I do? Wow.
Thanks, Loopy.

Well, of course.

Now, is there any of that
cool kid cocaine left?

Just follow your nose.

I know what would
make this night perfect.

♪ Teletubbies, Teletubbies,
oh, oh, oh ♪

You do remember!

BOTH: ♪ Teletubbies,
Teletubbies, oh, oh, oh ♪


ALL: ♪ Teletubbies, Teletubbies,
oh, oh, oh ♪


Th-Th-Th-That's all, folks.

Wait, does anybody else smell jet fuel?

♪♪

CHICKEN: ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪


CHICKENS: ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪


♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪


- CHICKEN: Ba-gawk!
- MAN: Bawk.
Post Reply