01x06 - Parcel 9

[bunniefuu]

[crash]

[John B] There are only three kinds of relationships in the animal kingdom.

The first is commensalism.

One example... fish finding hiding spots in coral reefs.

Fish profit, but life for the coral doesn't change.

[thud]

[John B] Then, there's mutualism... What happened?

...a relationship where both animals benefit from each other.

[thunder crashing]

[John B] The tricky thing about animals is you don't always know what kind of relationship you're in.

Which brings me to relationship number three.

The parasitic.

Welcome home, kid.

[Sarah] This is your room.

Whoa.

It's not too shabby, huh?

Yeah. Not too shabby at all.

And my room is just upstairs, in case you were wondering.

Are you okay? Yeah. No, I'm good. I'm good. I got it.

[groans] [Sarah chuckles]

But I have to warn you... Uh-oh.

...I sleepwalk.

[John B sighs] [chuckles] So if I show up in your room in the middle of the night... You just want me to roll with it?

Yeah, maybe.

[Ward] Sarah Elizabeth Cameron!

You've already broken the first rule. What is the first rule?

Stay out of each other's rooms.

All right, seriously. Picture that as a boundary.

This is like a minefield.

Yes, sir? Yes, sir.

[Ward] Yes, sir, John B? Uh, yes, sir. Yeah.

All right.

Sarah, can you give me and the new inmate a quick minute here?

Please be nice.

I'll be nice.

How you doin'? How's the arm?

Uh, better. [Ward] You're lucky.

Fall any other way, you don't hit that sand, you could've broken both your legs and your back.

[John B] Yeah, I'm super lucky.

I just wanna say thank you for sticking up to DCS for me.

Don't even think about it. Happy to do it. One other thing. Um...

Last night, Sarah was in my office, and she was getting a map, and she said it was for you, and...

I'm sorry, but I just have to ask.

You're not chasin' after pots of gold like your old man, are you, John B?

Look, Mr. C, uh... Sarah just told me you guys had some cool old maps.

Mm-hm.

I'm kind of a history buff myself, and, uh... [chuckles]

...that, I guess, I got from my dad, so...

That makes sense.

Anyway, uh... take it easy the next couple days, all right?

[John B] Absolutely. You've been through a lot.

I'm sorry. You're staying where?

Tannyhill.

So you're living with Sarah Cameron.

Okay, look, the only reason I'm living there is because her dad bailed me out, right?

And it's way better than foster care, which, by the way, is where I was about to go if Ward didn't...

Hey, so do you have a membership to the clubs now?

I don't know, Pope.

What about those golf carts they drive around? You get one of them?

Does it come with a sweater-vest, or do you have to buy one on your own?

Look, you promised.

You said you weren't with her.

Bro, just own it. She got you.

Look, if you wanna hang out with her, that's fine.

But I'm letting you know now that I'm not doing anything with Sarah.

Do you guys see her here?

No, right. Okay. A little focus would be fantastic.

We've got the map, right?

It's out of whack 'cause the guy was ganja'd when he drew it.

It's 'cause the coast has changed.

[Pope] So we just have to look for landmarks that haven't changed.

What about the old forts?

Battery Jasper.

We're in Battery, right here.

So if this is parcel nine, then it's somewhere northeast of here.

[Kie] Somehwere there. [Pope] Right.

Over there? Guy's, that's not Tannyhill, that's a subdivision.

Tannyhill Plantation was the entire island.

It got sold into smaller pieces over time.

[Pope] So we're just looking for an old stone wall.

Okay, so the road should split up here. [John B] Okay.

All right. You're gonna take a left.

[JJ] That looks like a stone wall to me.

This is it.

[car doors open] [John B] Not the Crain house.

Are you kidding me? [car doors close]

Worst-case scenario.

Why'd it have to be here... of all places?

I heard that Mrs. Crain buried her husband's head on the property.

[Peterkin] Domestic disturbance, potential home invasion.

Reports had it wrong.

Nobody invaded anybody.

[Peterkin] Two men were here, Lana.

The only questions I have is why were they here, and why are you protecting them?

You mean to tell me you ripped the front door off its hinges?

[Lana] I was upset. I had to break something.

Grief does powerful things. [Peterkin] Not that powerful.

I got the GPS coordinates off Scooter's Grady-White.

I mapped out the route he took that last day. You mind?

Wanna know where he went? It's curious.

On the day of the hurricane, when he should've been here with you, he was riskin' his life, goin' to an uninhabited island

30 miles offshore.

Now, Scooter... he wasn't a stupid man.

Why he out in open water on the day of the storm?

If you're afraid of somebody, I can protect you. [sighs]

I told you, I don't know anything.

[motorbike engine running]

[sniffs, sighs]

[Barry, loudly] You gonna give me a bump, big boy?

Man, check out this place, though, huh?

[Rafe] Hey, Barry. Barry. Hey, man. It's fancy!

It's a nice place to live!

[quietly] I don't have your money. [Barry] Mm-hm.

All right? Uh... you shouldn't be here now. What are you doing?

I'm right here. You wanna know why? Give me till the weekend, okay?

All I... all I need you to do is front me more coke.

Mm-hm. Yeah. [Rafe] I got a guy coming this weekend.

It's cool, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

How come you got all this nice sh*t, though?

Can you tell me that? [sniffs]

You ain't got my money, but you got all this nice sh*t.

Man, yeah, just... Hm? Hm?

Hey, chill, chill! All right... Hey! Come here!

Hey! Get off! What're you doing? Hey! [grunting]

[skin sizzling] [Barry] Put that on there. Yeah!

Hey! sh*t! Stop, stop, stop, stop! That's it!

That's it, you little bitch! Okay, stop, stop! Okay, chill, man.

[groaning] [Barry] How's that feel, baby boy?

That's just the coming attractions, big boy.

[Rafe groaning]

Consider this sh*t right here your down payment.

You got three days. [Rafe moaning]

[revs engine]

[groans]

[continues moaning]

[Kie] Look, you guys know whose house this is, right?

[JJ] Oh, yeah. No, I do.

Honestly, I don't really believe the stories of this place.

[Pope] Shh. What?

Which stories did you hear?

The one where she k*lled her husband with an axe and that she's been holed up ever since.

On certain nights, when the moon is full... you can see her in the window!

No, it's not funny, 'cause it's all true. Waah!

I swear to God, guys, this is all real. I knew Hollis. Jeez!

Wait, you knew Hollis Crain? Yeah, dude.

Dude, how do you know Hollis Crain?

She was my babysitter, man. She told me all about it.

Told me the truth... about her mother and what happened in this house.

So as a kid, she heard all the stories that her mother k*lled her father, and... she was a m*rder*r and all.

Hollis didn't believe it.

Until that night. What night?

It all came back to her.

When Hollis was six years old, she heard her parents arguing downstairs.

So she goes downstairs to see her mom washing her hands in a sink... full of blood.

Her mother just says that she cut her finger.

The next morning, she says her father and her split up.

But then, Hollis noticed something.

Her mother going into the parlor constantly, in and out and in and out with plastic bags.

Weeks pass, and Hollis decides to use the outhouse.

And as she's using it, she looks down, and there, in the outhouse, is her father's head, looking straight back at her.

God, you are so full of sh*t.

Dude, I swear to God, man.

Did she call the police? She didn't have time.

[Pope] We can't do this... Wait! Dude!

What?

You sure you wanna do this? She's an axe m*rder*r. You got a cast on.

I don't give a sh*t if she's an axe m*rder*r, okay?

I got nothin' to lose, right? You comin' or what?

[Kie] Come on.

[whispers] Hey, come on. Come here.

So here's the plan. We need to look for the wheat near the water like it said in Denmark's letter.

Okay, like, what kind of water? Like, pond water?

[chuckles] Bong water?

No. It... it just said look for water, okay?

That's the shittiest secret message ever.

You wanna complain a little more, Kie? Nobody said it was gonna be easy.

I'll search the northeast quadrant, you search the northwest.

The decapitation quadrant.

[rustling] [bird calls]

[birds squawking]

[woodpecker drilling]

[quietly] Hey, psst! Hey, come on. It's the only place we haven't looked.

[rustling]

[wings flapping] [JJ] Oh, sh*t...

Here we go.

[sighs]

♪ Down came Mrs. Crain And cut off all our heads ♪

♪ Up came the sun And dried up all the blood ♪

[Pope] Can you stop?

[creaking] [Kie gasps]

See any water?

[mosquito buzzing]

[Kie] Another dead end?

[JJ] There's not even water on the pipes.

There's no water here.

Not a dropamino. [Kie] Know why we didn't find it?

Bad karma.

Oh, God. Here we go.

You know, we had a good thing going.

And then you decide to rope in Barbie, and now the trail's gone dry.

Coincidence? Probably not.

This is exactly why I didn't wanna tell you about Sarah.

[Kie] Yeah? Yeah.

What the hell's the deal with you two? Nothing.

Nothing? Is it because I kissed you? Is that the problem?

[Pope] Oh! [JJ] Oh, sh*t!

That echoed, dude! Stop treating me like I'm some girl that's obsessed with you instead of your best friend who's actually trying to look out for you.

Did you, uh... hit me?

Skeeter. [John B] Skeeter?

Yeah, you see it? [John B] Yeah.

[JJ] Oh, hey! [Pope] Okay...

[JJ] No... Where's your proof?

Skeeter.

Yeah? There was probably one right there. There's one right there.

[Kie] Really? You saw that? [Pope] Sh!

On your forehead. You're dead. That's it.

Today's the day that you die.

[Pope] Jesus. Today's your funeral.

[mosquito buzzes] [Kie] One bandito.

These things are a freakin' swarm! [Kie] You see this?

[JJ] Hey, sh! Keep it down!

[Kie chuckles] [John B] You know how this ends.

Why are there so many mosquitoes in a basement?

[JJ] Dude. I know, seriously. Tiny vampire bats, just leave me alone.

Oh, my gosh! Okay, can we leave? 'Cause I'm already itchin' to leave.

Hah? Punny.

[John B groans] All right... Ow!

I just found Mrs. Crain's voodoo doll, guys.

[Kie giggling] Oh, sh*t.

[JJ] All right, can we leave this? 'Cause this is getting...

[water splashes, echoes]

[Kie] Skeeter, for real.

Hey, guys. [JJ] Hey, Pope!

[John B] Oh! [Kie] Sh!

Hey. Help me move this. Sh! Um...

[whispers] Help me move this. Okay, just... quiet.

[JJ] All right. [Pope] Hey.

[John B] Sh!

[Kie] Guys! Guys! [Pope] Guys. I know. Yeah. Yeah. Sh, sh.

[Kie] She's probably right upstairs.

[Pope] Well, well, well.

That was a good dad joke.

They built this part of the house right over it.

This is where she hid the bodies. Oh, dude, come on.

Stop. No, I'm dead serious.

Stop it! Hey, hey.

It was never an outhouse. She probably doesn't even know it's here.

So... we found water.

We're gonna need a really big rope.

[door closes]

[Topper] Hey.

Hey, how's John B? Is he... is he doin' all right?

Like you give a sh*t. [Topper] You realize I did not push him.

He lost his balance and fell. [Sarah] Don't lie.

He fell against the rail. Not my fault. [Sarah] That is messed up.

[scoffs]

[Topper] You forget about us, like...

Midsummers was supposed to be our... our coming-out party.

That was supposed to be something special, right?

What does it matter, Topper? We're in high school.

It's not like we're getting married.

I don't care if we're in high school! I love you!

[Sarah] No, you don't, Topper! I love you!

You love the idea of me.

You love being seen with me... [Topper] Stop.

...but you don't love me.

You have no idea what I'm feeling. You have no clue.

What about... what about this summer? Right?

This summer was supposed to be legendary.

I don't care anymore, Topper.

I can't be with you.

Not after last night.

[Topper] Oh, after last night? [Sarah] Yeah.

You... you wanna talk about last night? Sure.

Did you forget the part where you cheated on me? Huh?

Did you forget about that?

You're a slut! You know that? You're a slut!

Watch your mouth when you talk about my daughter!

Your daughter's banging a Pogue...

[choking]

Dad. You need to go home, Topper.

[Sarah] Dad, stop!

Dad, let go of him, please.

[Ward breathing heavily]

[car door slams] [sighs]

[engine starts] [door closes]

[sobs] Come on. Come on.

Come on.

[Shoupe] What the hell was Scooter Grubbs doin' out this far?

Hell of a place to come on the day of a hurricane.

Yes, it is.

It's just a spit of land.

The shoals ain't that big.

You take this side, I'll take the other.

What is it I'm supposed to be looking for, anyway?

Anything that might tell us what Scooter Grubbs was doin' here the night he d*ed.

[Sarah] So you found the gold? [John B] Yes.

[Sarah] But under an axe m*rder*r's house?

[John B] Well, yeah, uh... kind of.

[Sarah] That's perfect. [John B] Yes.

I mean, the only thing is the well is super sketchy deep.

[Sarah] Kinda wish I was with you guys. You'll be there for real tonight.

Is it okay? Yeah, of course.

What? Vlad and Val gotta be together, right?

No, no. I mean... with the others.

Yes, everything's fine.

What? [sighs]

Kiara said something, didn't she? No.

You're the worst liar I've ever met. I'm not lying.

Look, if she's gonna get territorial... Hey, hey, hey, just listen. All right?

You're a part of this too. You got us the Tannyhill map.

Once we get with everybody, they're gonna be excited.

I promise.

No effing way!

You brought her here? So what? She's in on this now?

I dunno.

Look, all I care about is her cut comes out of your share.

You know, I don't remember taking a vote.

This is our thing.

A Pogue thing.

I gotta say, I'm just a tad uncomfortable with all of this.

[Kie] Thank you! When are you not?

I dunno. I rode here on the back of JJ's bike pretty comfortably.

It's true. Most relaxed I've ever seen him.

That's cute, guys.

You know we were all extremely comfortable until you brought her.

Stop talking about me like I'm not here! Then leave.

[scoffs] I told you.

Told him what, exactly?

That you're a liar? No, that you're a sh*t-talking bitch.

Oh, sh*t! [Sarah] When have I lied?

My money's on Kie. You get somebody close to you...

I didn't lie about sh*t... Everybody shut up!

Kie, you are my best friend, right?

And Sarah, you're... [chuckles]

...you're my...

Say it.

You're my girlfriend.

Ohh... that's new.

[Kie] She's your girlfriend now?

What was all that talk about you were just using her for information?

Get a map, cut her loose.

You said you were using me?

No. Yeah, you did.

You said those things. Look, love just walked in, okay?

Oh, vomit. [John B] I didn't expect it.

It just... it kind of happened.

And I'm not gonna deny it.

Right? [Pope whispers] Oh! That's corny.

[retches]

Look, cut the bullshit, John B.

If she's in, I'm out.

I'm not doing this. I can't! [Kie] You are gonna decide.

I'm very interested, actually. Me or her?

Both.

[Pope] Ooh. [JJ whistles] Went for the Hail Mary.

[Pope] Noooo!

[both tutting]

[door slams]

[footsteps fading]

It'll be cool, right?

I'm gonna leave.

[John B] Sarah, don't. Gonna let y'all chat. Let me know.

I'd just like to say, you handled that beautifully.

Dad?

[whispers] Four, three, three, zero, zero. Okay.

[safe beeping]

[Rafe] Four, three... okay...

[safe beeps rapidly]

sh*t! Come on.

[safe beeping] Four, three, three...

[lock clicks] Okay! Yeah.

Okay, okay. Okay.

- [safe door closes] [breathing heavily]

[sniffs]

Checking the time?

[clears throat] Uh...

[Pope] Corpses cry too, you know.

Well, they secrete fluid from their eyes.

Maybe not compare my feelings to secretions?

Technically, it's discharge.

I'll stop talking now.

What're you doing?

Just...

Uh... I don't know. [sniffles]

Just be your usual weird self, okay?

I hate John B right now.

Look, it's just because I know how this ends.

I've seen this movie.

I starred in it.

I mean, freshman year, it was my first year at the Kook Academy.

You know how intimidating that is?

And one of these things is obviously not like the other.

I mean, I didn't have anything in common with anyone, and just as I'm about to slit my wrists, the queen asks me if I wanna go save baby sea turtles.

Our first day together, we walked to the beach.

We waited for the hatch, and we kept the seagulls off so that the turtles could get to the water.

That... actually sounds kinda nice.

It was the best day of my life.

And then she turned on me like she does with everyone.

Look, I'm not doing this with her.

He's gonna have to choose.

You know he can't do that.

Why not?

Because he's an idiot.

If it were me... I know who I'd choose.

What'd she say?

That you're an idiot.

It's a no-brainer. You're picking Kie. Mm-mm.

Look, I can't make a decision.

So what? We're just dead in the water because you're p*ssy-whipped?

We can't do this without Kie, and you know it.

And I can't do it without Sarah.

Okay? They both have to be in on it.

Well, good luck with that.

You know what? I know this was my fault, all right?

But it's our problem.

I've got a plan.

And you two shitheads are gonna help me out.

[Peterkin] Unusual style, isn't it?

Now check this out.

[Shoupe] Holy sh*t!

It's Big John's glasses.

One of the four biggest cases we had in the last year.

Big John Routledge, missin' person.

Scooter Grubbs drowns.

And two mainlanders dead by homicide. Four things.

What I'm thinkin' is that these four things... are all the same thing.

[cicadas chirping]

[loon calling]

I swear.

I learned my lesson, okay? [sighs]

Stay in the car.

You Barry?

Yeah. Who the hell are you?

My son owes you money.

Who's your son? Rafe. My son Rafe owes you money.

[chuckles]

So, uh... you must be the babysitter, huh?

Ohh! [chuckles]

Why'd you do that, huh?

'Cause if that's my money right there, then... wanna put it in my hand?

That's not gonna happen.

I paid it, you pick it up.

[chuckles]

All right.

sh*t, though, man.

That boy 19 years old, and you out here takin' care of him like he just some little baby-ass bitch, huh?

That's a damn shame.

But I'll take your money.

Ain't the first time... [grunts] [Ward yells]

[groans]

[gasps]

[moaning]

[gasps]

[yells] [groans]

[wheezing]

[coughing]

I told you to stay in the g*dd*mn car.

[Barry groaning] Get your bike.

I'll pay you back.

[Ward] No, Rafe.

You won't.

You know why you won't?

Because you're a liar.

And you're a thief.

And you cannot be trusted. [Barry gasping]

And I can't have you in my house, son.

Don't come home.

Where do you want me to go?

Dad!

Dad!

[seabirds calling] [men shouting]

[Pope] Code red! [Kie] What the hell is going on?

[Pope] Okay, JJ and John B conked out in the marsh.

They need a tow.

Uh, okay, well, what does that have to do with me?

We need you for mechanical.

Mechanical.

♪ You don't need no explanations ♪

[Pope] John B and JJ are up in the Alp.

[Kie] Can't you guys do anything without me?

♪ Did you work for what you have? ♪

♪ Handed down or crossed your path... ♪

What happened?

Uh, the alternator's, uh, not alternating anymore.

It's not charged. Did you check the plugs?

No. No, you should check 'em. Yeah.

Yeah. Give it a whirl.

[Kie] You guys are useless. Sorry about that.

Come on, come on, come on!

Uh... is this a joke? [JJ] Go, go, go, go!

[Kie] There are no plugs, like, at all. [John B]Sayonara!

sh*t. [Sarah] John B!

[banging] John B, let me out!

John... John B!

What? Wait. [Kie] What the hell?

Guys! [JJ laughing]

[John B chuckles] Ah! [Sarah] Are you serious?

[Kie] Are you joking?

Get your asses back here!

[John B] We can't. Not till you two figure it out.

I will k*ll every single one of you! Y-You can't just leave!

There's food in the cabin, and JJ rolled a blunt.

Hydroponic! This is ridiculous.

Well, I would rather drown than stay here with you, so...

Fine, be my guest. Maybe you'll finally shut the hell up.

You don't even know where you're going. [Sarah] I don't care.

Good luck with the oyster beds.

[Sarah] Wait! [Pope] Godspeed!

[Sarah] Wait!

John B, you assh*le!

[Kie] They're not coming back for you!

[John B] Love you, guys! Bye!

[JJ whoops] [sighs] Great.

[squeals]

[Kie] What? [yells]

I got stung by a jellyfish! sh*t!

Ah! [whimpers] Dramatic.

[Sarah sobbing]

sh*t.

Well, you swam right into a man-o'-w*r.

Don't know what you thought would happen. [Sarah] Thanks for your help.

Ow. [gasps]

sh*t.

Ow! Does it hurt?

Hey, Kiara. You know what they say...

[Kie] No. Mm-mm. ...about curing jellyfish stings?

[Sarah] You have to pee on me.

I have a better idea.

It's for the pain. JJ, bless.

[lighter clicks] [sighs]

[sighs]

Actually...

Really?

[Kie] Go easy.

It's JJ's cousin's cr*pple.

[coughing]

[continues coughing]

Yeah.

[groans]

[Sarah laughing]

Wow.

Hey, guess what?

Would you rather... have...

[clears throat] I was imagining you like this just now.

It was pretty funny.

Would you ima... would you rather... have nipples for eyes or eyes for nipples?

Imagine if you get really old and your nipples...

Your boobs get saggy, and your nipples, if they were your eyes, you could see if your shoes were untied.

[chuckles]

Is this like your first time smoking or something?

No.

Hey, Kiara...

Oh, my God.

Enough of the "Hey, Kiara!" bullshit!

Why'd you do it?

Why did I do what?

We were best friends.

We... we stole beers from your dad's fridge, we watched movies together, we cried about boys.

And the next thing I know, I'm watching your birthday party happen from Instagram.

It was one party.

You invited everybody except me.

And then you told everybody I was the reason that the party got busted.

Okay, well, who else would've called the cops?

[Kie] You never asked.

You just let the rumor go that I was a rat.

You were my best friend, and then you ghosted me, and I don't even know why!

I mean, really, what did I do?

You liked me.

[Kie] What?

When... people get... close to me,

I feel trapped.

And... I bail.

And then I blame them for it.

I'm really sorry...

[takes a deep breath]...and I miss you.

Do you think there's a chance that we could be okay again?

[Kie] Honestly...

I don't know.

Hey, Sarah.

Hey, Kiara.

Promise me that you won't bail on John B.

He's not just... some other guy.

And he really, really likes you.

I won't.

Promise me.

I promise.

[sighs]

Also, I'm sorry I called the cops.

I knew it. [giggles]

I knew it, you bitch!

[both laughing]

I told you!

You... you should've invited me.

So you called the cops?

Yes! [laughs]

[Pope] Uh-oh!

You forget your keys or something? [John B] You need a tow?

Don't give them the satisfaction of thinking this worked.

Absolutely not. [John B] You gotta admit it was funny.

[Kie] John B. [John B] Uh, what's that?

[Kie] Mastermind, huh? I'm always plannin'.

Some patriarchal bullshit. [Sarah] Yeah, that sucked.

You still love us though, right?

Here.

[Sarah] Yeah, whatever. Hey, you still hate me?

A little. We're both gonna get you back when you least expect it.

Watch your back, boys. Mm-hm.

[Pope] I welcome that challenge. [JJ] Me too.

So, did you guys, you know...

Reconcile our differences?

Mm-mm. Not even close.

But we're... willing to work together. Mm.

[John B] You know what? That's victory. [JJ] Yep.

Wiggedy-wiggedy-wiggedy!

[JJ] Know why? Hydroponic. [Pope] Don't say that.

All right, shut up. You guys ready to jack someone up?

[Kie] Yeah, whatever.

[Sarah] Yep. In the boat.

[JJ] Let's get it.

[John B] You got rope? [Pope] Got it.

[John B] Grappling hook? [Pope] No grappling hook.

We're not Batman.

[John B] Pulley? [Kie] Check.

[John B] Dark clothes?

[Sarah] Got it. [John B] Flashlights?

[JJ] Check. [John B] All right, good.

We're ready. [Kie] Let's go.

[JJ] Let's go get rich, guys.

[Kie] Yeah. Hell, yeah.

[Sarah] Go, boys. [Kie] And girls.

[Pope] Let's go. [JJ] Let's roll.

[Sarah] Right on. Wait, wait

I wanna say thank you, guys. Seriously.

It means a lot to me that you're here tonight.

Always.

[chuckles softly]

Of course, man.

My man.

All right, we done with the circle jerk? Can we go do this?

Yeah. [Pope] Let's get that wheat in the water.

[JJ] Weed? I'm up for weed. [Pope] Wheat. I said wheat.

[Kie] After you. [Sarah] Ladies first.

[Kie] Alley-oop.

[Sarah gasps] sh*t! [John B] Oh, sh*t!

Go, go, go, go. Flashlights!

[JJ] It's on strobe! [Kie] Flashlights.

[JJ panting] Shh!

Okay...

Okay, so she has motion sensor lights.

We could, uh... move really slowly, maybe?

What? That's not how it works.

Oh, sh*t. Let's throw a rock at it. [Pope] What?

That's a really good idea. Let the axe m*rder*r know that we're here.

Throw a rock at it? [John B] You have a better idea?

Literally anything but that.

What about the breaker? In the circuit box on the porch.

We used to play hide-and-seek here as kids.

And if we were brave enough, we'd go all the way up to the porch.

I've seen it.

No, no. You're not going in the house alone.

Watch me.

Crain chops people into pieces.

If you believe that, but she's like what, 85?

[JJ] Yeah, somethin' like that. She's probably barely still kicking.

Here. I'll go with you.

Yeah. [Pope] We'll wait for your signal.

[Sarah] Okay, cool. [John B] Hey! Be safe.

[Sarah] We will.

Be safe. I'll be so safe.

I'll be safe for you. [John B] Can you guys stop? Stop!

I'm gonna k*ll you.

But how would that keep us safe?

[Sarah] She must have a generator plugged into the main power supply.

[Kie gasps] Shh...

[Sarah] Where are the breakers?

What is this?

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

sh*t.

[Sarah] It goes inside.

[door creaking]

[JJ] They said when Hollis disappeared... That you should shut the eff up!

[JJ whistles]

[cat yowling]

[glass tinkling]

[Kie] Hey.

[Sarah] Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah.

[both chuckle softly] [Sarah] Oh.

All right. [Sarah] Okay.

[switch clicks]

[switch clicks] [generator powers down]

They did it. Go time.

[Pope] So, let's do it.

[John B] Three, two...

Just... just... just go.

[JJ] Holy crap, you know what this is?

It just hit me.

Pope, look.

This is C.H.U.D. Full C.H.U.D.

What is he talking about?

Cannibalistic humanoid underground dwellers?

Have you guys not seen that film?

[John B] No. Can't say I have, no.

It's actually a good film.

It's about cannibals that live in the sewers and under New York City, and it's like...

[John B] Shut up! Shut up!

All right. How deep do you think this is, Pope?

[sighs] I don't know.

[whirring]

[Sarah gasps]

sh*t.

Hey, boys. I have one request.

[JJ] Yeah? Yeah?

Don't drop me.

[JJ] Whoa! [yells] Okay...

You're gonna die first, for sure. Got ya.

All right, just keep payin' it out nice and slow like that.

Here we go. Keep goin'.

[grunting]

Keep goin'.

Wait, hold on one second. I'm gonna get situated.

[Pope] You good?

[gasps] Oh, my...

Oh, sh*t! John, sh*t! [John B] Whoa! What...

[JJ grunts] Jesus!

[groans]

[grunting] John B! I told you not to drop me!

[clank] [gasps]

You good, man? [John B] What the hell was that?

Little technical difficulties.

Keep going, slow!

Okay, we're gonna start paying you out again, all right?

[breathing heavily]

[wind whistling]

[Mrs. Crain wheezing, coughs]

[shuffling and thumping]

[breathing heavily]

sh*t.

[thumping] [heavy breathing]

[John B breathing shakily]

Okay. Okay. All right, keep goin'.

[grunts] All right. Keep it comin'.

[exhales, grunts] Okay.

[Pope groans]

Hey. Hey, we got 15 feet left.

Are you getting close to the bottom? [John B] I can't tell.

Just... just keep goin'. Give me more.

Yeah...

Whoa! Stop!

I'm hangin' over some sewage-water lookin' sh*t.

[Pope] You want back up?

Keep goin', I guess...

[JJ] Nice and slow.

[John B] Here we go.

Okay.

Oh.

[breathing shakily]

Okay, okay! I'm at bottom.

How is it down there?

It's worse than I thought.

[thumping] [Mrs. Crain] It's... it's late, Leon.

Too late. [coughing]

You find any gold? [John B] Uh, nothin' yet.

Wait.

I think I felt something with my foot.

[exhales] Here goes nothin'.

[takes a deep breath]

[gasps, coughing]

Mr. Crain.

[yelling] JJ! Hey, pull me up!

Pull me up! Come on, man! Go! [Pope] Pull him up! Come on, pull him up!

[John B] Go! Come on! Pull me up!

Come on! Pull me up! Pull me up!

Come on! [gasping]

sh*t!

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! Wait!

Hey, I think I found something.

Hey, John B!

What'd you say? [John B] Just give me a minute. Hold on.

[gasps]

Okay. Okay.

[breathes deeply]

[grunting]

[Sarah and Kie breathing heavily] Hm.

[Mrs. Crain] I can hear you, Leon.

[whimpers] I've been waiting all night!

[Sarah screams] [Kie] Go!

Go! Go!

[both panting]

[Mrs. Crain screeches] Leon! [Kie] sh*t!

sh*t! [Mrs. Crain] Where are you, Leon?

Huh?

[Kie] Come on...

[gasping]

[JJ, echoing] John B, you okay?

Any dead bodies?

[John B] sh*t...

[grunting]

[metal scrapes]

[breathing shakily]

We did it, Dad.

[Kie gasping]

Oh!

Oh! Oh! [yelling]

[thumping] [Kie grunts]

[plates smash] [Mrs. Crain screeching]

[Sarah] Okay... [screams] [yells]

[whimpers] [fire poker clatters]

[Sarah] Come on, this way! [Kie] Okay.

Okay. [yelps]

[Mrs. Crain yells] [both gasp]

[Sarah] sh*t! [wood smashing]

[Sarah] This way! It goes underneath the house!

[Mrs. Crain screeching]

[Kie] Go, go, go, go! [Sarah] I'm trying!

[Kie] Go! [Sarah] Guys!

[Kie] Guys! [Sarah] Guys!

What's going on? [Kie] Mrs. Crain! She's up there!

She tried to k*ll us with a fire poker.

We gotta go. We locked her in the parlor, but we gotta go. Okay, code red.

[Sarah] We have to go! Let's go. John B! Get back on, man!

[Pope] Hey! [John B] JJ!

Hold on, man! I'm comin'!

[Sarah] Come on! [Pope] Three, two, one, pull!

[JJ] Jeez. [Sarah] sh*t!

[grunts]

[Pope] Where the hell is he? sh*t.

Sh! Sh! [JJ] John B!

[Pope] Hey! Guys. Sh!

[John B yells] I found the gold!

[JJ] What's he saying?

[John B, echoing] JJ! Pope! Kie!

Yo, he's drowning! We gotta pull him up! John B!

Hey, John B! Get back on the rope. We're gonna pull you back up, okay, buddy?

[Mrs. Crain wheezing] [Kie] Come on!

[Sarah] Come on! Pull! [JJ] Come on.

[JJ] Okay, everybody, help! [Kie] Guys!

[John B] Okay, I'm on!

[Kie] Guys! Yeah! Yeah!

[JJ] Okay. [Pope] Let's go. [grunting]

[Sarah and Kie groaning]

[Pope groans] Come on!

[yells]

[Pope] Pull! [g*nsh*t]

[Kie] sh*t! [JJ] Jesus!

[Kie] sh*t! [JJ] sh*t! Hang on!

[Pope yells] [John B] Pope! JJ! What the hell?

[JJ] Climb up! Help me! Hang on! [Pope groans] Tie it up now, man!

[JJ] Pope, hide!

[Kie yells] Go! Go!

[both panting]

She can't aim for sh*t. She can't see.

She's blind.

[g*nsh*t] [Kie screams] sh*t! Go!

Go, Sarah! [shotgun cocks]

[Kie yells]

[John B grunts, panting]

[g*nsh*t] Go! Go!

Go! Go! I don't care if she is, that's buckshot!

["Police on My Back" playing]

[John B] Whoo!

[chuckling] JJ! Pope! Kie! Yeah!

[JJ] Can we go now?

[Sarah] Get into the car! [JJ] Come on!

♪ I'm runnin'... ♪

[Sarah] Get to the car! [Pope] Go! Go!

♪ I've been hidin' ♪

♪ Police on my back ♪

- ♪ There was a sh**t'... ♪ [g*nsh*t]

[Kie] Where is he? [Pope] Come on, start the car. Go!

[g*nsh*t] [Kie] John B!

[Pope] Why are we always getting sh*t at? [Kie] Come on! John B, run!

Come on! Come on! [Pope] Wait! Wait, wait, wait, wait!

[Kie] Get in! [Pope] Wait!

♪ Runnin', runnin', runnin'... ♪ Whoa! Oh, sh*t!

[Pope] Oh, my God! sh*t!

JJ, drive! Go, man!

[laughs] Oh, my God! [Kie] God!

Are you okay? Are you sh*t? No.

You good? [John B] Yeah, yeah.

I think I'd know if I was sh*t, right?

You look disgusting.

God, you smell like ass. What the hell just happened?

[JJ] All-time Pogue Hall of Fame, baby. [Kie] Hell, yeah.

That bitch is possessed. That bitch can't aim.

[Pope] How does she move that fast? [Kie] She's possessed.

[Pope] I don't get it. [Kie] She's blind.

- [Pope] Like Master Yoda. [Sarah] Dunno.

[Pope] It makes no sense, scientifically. [Kie] She does yoga. Pilates.

[JJ] Oh, God! [Sarah] Oh, my God!

What is that? [Sarah] No, you didn't!

[John B] We did it, baby! No, you didn't!

I did it! Oh, my God!

I did it! [laughing] Oh, my God!

[all screaming] [John B] I did it!

Holy sh*t! Holy sh*t! Whoo-hoo-hoo!

[screams] Whoo!

That's gold!

[yells] Wait! Wait!

[John B] Holy sh*t! Guys, we're gonna be rich!

[John B] Full Kook! [Kie and Sarah] Like Kook rich.

[all chanting] Full Kook! Full Kook! Full Kook! Full Kook!

Full Kook! Full Kook! Ay-ay-ay!

Ay-ay-ay! Oh!

[Kie screaming] Whoo-hoo-hoo! [screams]

♪ What have I done? ♪

[all whooping and screaming]

♪ What have I done? ♪

[John B] A lot of gold. [Sarah] Oh, my God.

[upbeat instrumental music playing]