08x08 - My Work Friend's Wedding

[bunniefuu]

Dre: Love is a lot like the club.

In order to get in, you've got to be

with the right person at the right time.

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

It doesn't always work out.

- [Buzzer]
- ♪ Baby, if you want me ♪

♪ You've got to show me love ♪

And just because you're in the club,

doesn't mean you're popping bottles in VIP.

♪ You've got to show me love ♪

Only the lucky ones find true love that lasts.

It's a beautiful thing, Club Love.

I just wish everyone could get in.

Fellas, I got some big news.

- Hmm?
- Yeah?

I'm getting married this weekend!

Wow.

Aw, hell.

Now they're letting anyone into VIP.

Y... you're getting married?

I didn't even know you
were dating someone,

or not already married.

Dre, now you know how
famously private I am.

I'm very careful when
it comes to my heart

and my debt collectors.

But today, I'm so happy,

I want to shout my
love from the rooftops.

I am marrying Vivica A. Fox!

- What?
- What?

Wait, "Soul Food" Vivica A. Fox?

Uh, "k*ll Bill" Vivica A. Fox?

"Booty Call" Vivica A. Fox?

"Two Can Play That Game" Vivica A. Fox?

Yes, darlings, all of those women.

All: Whoa.

- There's my Paisley Prince.
- Yes.

I just had to come in here
and see your handsome face.

- Oh.
- Mwah.

Gentlemen, meet the future
Mrs. Charlie Telphy A. Fox.

Hey.

- Hey.
- Hey!

The moon to my stars.

Ooh. He's the straw that stirs my drink.

The quarter to my parking meter.

The lemon pepper on my wings.

The toothpick that keeps
my sandwich together.

- Okay, I feel like this could go on forever.
- Yep.

Uh, excuse me, I don't...
Uh, just one quick question.

- Don't take this the wrong way...
- Mm-hmm.

... but why on God's green earth

- are you marrying him?
- Why?

When you've spent your
life around A-list actors,

A-list athletes, A-list rappers,

you want someone who's real,

someone who reminds
you of what's important.

Charlie opened up my heart.

- Charlie: That's right.
- Aww.

And when you find that
person, you don't want to wait

another minute to get married.

That's why we're getting
married on Saturday.

- Satur...
- What?

Check your Spam folders for E-vites.

And if you're wondering,
we're registered at Mercedes.

[Chuckles]

So, that night, we broke bread

with Charlie and his new fiancée.

It was the least we could
do, and it was Bow's idea.

[Chuckles]

I'm really glad we can do this

without it being awkward between us.

Mm.

Who's "us"? What?

It's okay, Bow.

I know Charlie had feelings for you,

and I'm cool with it.

Why wouldn't he be attracted
to a smart, talented woman?

Because that woman is my wife?

- Sweetie.
- Hmm?

My ring doesn't cover my face.

[Laughter]

Sharp and sexy.

You know, you really hit the
Powerball with this one, Dre.

Oh, look at that. I love
her. I love this woman.

Vivica Fox! [Laughs] Cheers!

- Hey. Hey.
- [Laughter]

Hey, hey, Charlie,
let's go grab a drink.

- Okay.
- Uh, Diane, could you take care of the dishes?

- And, uh, Jack...
- Yeah.

... can you put on that "grown
folks" playlist that you curated?

- Gotcha.
- Charlie: Be right back, baby.

- Mm-hmm.
- Let me help you.

Okay.

- Thanks, Diane.
- Yep.

All right, I like to leave the utensils

facing points up, just for fun.

Yeah, whatever. Look here, little girl.

- Huh?
- We need to have a talk.

That man in there means the world to me,

and even the sound of your name

makes the light go out in his eyes.

[Chuckles] Yeah.

[Chuckles]

That's why I don't want you
anywhere near my wedding.

- Vivica?
- Ah, ah.

I said what I said.

Don't you try to play me, Diane.

[Sighs] Let me get one more
slice of that delicious cake.

How many "Set It Off" cast
members am I gonna feud with?

Charlie, man, I've never
seen you this happy before,

but there is a sparkle in your eye,

a pep in your step, and
not a stain on your shirt.

Thank you so much for
doing this for us, Dre.

- Mm-hmm.
- I mean, I really, really

appreciate it, so much so, man,

that I... I want to ask
you to be my best man.

I'd be honored.

[Chuckles] Thanks, Dre.

- Mm-hmm.
- I appreciate it, man.

Mmm.

- Mmm.
- This is smooth.

Yep.

Make sure you bring a handle
of this to the bachelor party.

- Mm.
- Bachelor party?

Well, if you gonna throw
one, I ain't gonna stop you.

- [Chuckles]
- Hey.

I have Thursday conveniently
open while Vivica

go gets her premarital
wax, so get to planning.

- Okay.
- Y... you know what, Charlie?

I'll put something together for you.

- My man. Thank you so much.
- Mm-hmm.

And it ain't got to be nothing special,

nothing big, nothing like that.

Maybe you want to
look into getting us on

one of those civilian
spaceship trips, that'd be cool.

- No.
- I mean, yeah, just surprise me.

It's all good.

If you asked a lesser man
to plan a bachelor party

in two days, you'd
end up riding go-karts

before your reservation at Applebee's.

But that's not how I roll.

[Indistinct conversation, laughter]

What?!

Oh, wow!

- Come on, Dre!
- Mm-hmm.

Oh! Reba McEntire's playing.

Can we go? Please?

You have really outdone yourself, Dre.

Well...

Well, all I did was secure a suite,

a rare tequila tasting, our
own private blackjack table,

and front row seats to see David Blaine

stick a skewer through his cheek.

- Nice.
- Anybody could've did that.

- [Chuckles]
- Can you believe him?

He literally opened up
his laptop for five minutes

and booked a concierge.

That's so your dad.

Tell her I'm also ripping up

your Cirque Du Soleil tickets, son.

[Gasps] Not the circus...

- We're going to Cirque Du Soleil?
- Hey, guys,

bathroom break, and then
we're gonna saddle up

and take a ride around the casino.

- Oh-ho-ho!
- Got it.

Bathroom break? Wink, wink.

I'll be right back. [Laughs]

This is all too incredible, Dre.

Hey, I'm the best
man. I don't half-step.

[Chuckles] You know how to make a man

feel special, don't you?

[Both laugh]

And that same special
feeling, I want Vivica to feel

- when I put that ring on her finger, you know?
- Mm-hmm.

So, if it's cool with you,

I need to hold down Gs, my man.

What?

Oh, I'm sorry. My best man.

Hell no. [Chuckles]

What? Look, I got a
Hollywood girl right now.

I can't be buying her
no North Hollywood ring.

Charlie, are you out of your damn mind?

What makes you think that I
would let you hold grand?

Why wouldn't you? You're my best friend.

Who else would I ask?

You think I'm your best friend?

- Yeah.
- Charlie, how can we be best friends?

I don't know your birthday. I
don't know your favorite color.

I-I've never been to your crib.

- Have you ever asked?
- Come on, Charlie.

You're great, but we work together, man.

We're not frat brothers.
We don't vacation together.

I mean, I'm not even sure
you get my Christmas cards.

Um...

[Chuckles] I guess I
made a miscalculation.

- [Door opens]
- Okay, don't ask me why,

but, uh, I got a lot more energy

than I did before,
and, uh, I'm gonna feel

a lot sadder in about two hours,

so let's party before this wears off.

- Come on!
- Whoo!

Come on! Party!

Prostitutes! Whoo!

Hmm.

- Dre: Babe.
- Hey.

So, I didn't get any phone calls
from the credit card company

about suspicious activity on our card.

Did you not have fun last night?

- I did not.
- Oh.

But there's a reason I don't hang out

with those people after the bank closes.

Oh-ho-ho-ho. Here
comes another Dre story.

What's Johan doing here?

What? I can't come
visit my favorite sister

without you giving me a hard time?

Mm.

Fine. Had to leave India.

Told the wrong person to Namaste.

Ah. That's more like it.

So, how was it, Dre? What happened?

I mean, you guys must've been
like red meat for the con-women.

You know what?

Charlie lost his damn mind.

- Oh.
- He thinks he is my best friend.

[Laughter]

- Your best friend?
- Mm-hmm.

Dre, that's crazy. You
don't have any friends.

- Yeah.
- Yes, I do.

- Who?
- I've never seen you converse with one friend.

Unh-unh.

Dre, come on, you lost
your phone for three days,

and the only missed
call was from Domino's.

That's because my friend,
Willie, works there.

Face it, Dre, since we've been married,

you only hang out with me.

What? If anything, I
have too many friends.

- Hmm.
- Charlie thinks he's my number one.

He's not even in my top .

Huh.

So, you think you have enough friends

for a five-on-five basketball game?

- I do.
- Name them.

- I will.
- Okay.

- T-Will.
- Mm-hmm.

- Ronnie. Ladarius, Tony.
- [Chuckles]

Gigi, Sha, Cousin Gary.

- No.
- Pizza Willie.

That's...

Me.

Dre, you haven't seen any
of those people in years,

and one of them is dead.

RIP Tony.

Mm-hmm. And you hang out
with Charlie all the time.

Because of work. All right?

Babe, I'm like doughnuts in that office.

- Okay.
- Everybody loves me.

- Mm-hmm.
- Charlie ain't special.

Okay.

Great. Now that we've solved
that, I'll be in your bathroom.

- Hmm.
- I need to make sure

no parasites followed
me back from Bengal.

Yeah.

Ew.

♪♪

All this stuff happened yesterday.

I mean, why do people read this?

Hey.

Since we're not going
to Charles' wedding,

should we all get tickets
to Splash Down Falls?

Hmm?

Look, they're double-bleaching
the lazy river now,

so no one should get an infection.

Oh, I'm going to that wedding.

Oh, yeah, me, too.

- I love love and free food.
- Mm-hmm.

So, you guys are just gonna
leave Jack and I behind

like we're not a part of this family?

- I mean...
- Oh.

Mm...

Are you kidding me?

Jack, I would never go to a
party if you weren't invited.

You only go to parties
if I'm not invited.

Well, you're unpopular.
That's not my fault.

Okay, I'm sorry, but you're
on the haters list, not me.

[Scoffs] Wow.

Why do you want to go so bad, anyway?

- Yeah.
- I don't. I couldn't care less.

Oh, sounds like you care.

- You don't know me, hippie.
- [Exhales sharply]

Okay, look, Diane, if you
want to go to the wedding,

you just gotta make
things right with Charlie.

Yeah. Vivica just wants him to be happy.

I mean, maybe if you
and Charlie are cool,

she'll be okay with you going.

Pass. Enjoy your stupid wedding.

I hope it's a buffet
and your table goes last.

- [Gasps]
- Mm-hmm.

Wow. What happened with
her and Charlie, anyway?

Well, it's complicated,
but it all started when...

[FaceTime ringing]

Oh! Hey, babe.

Sorry, gotta take this.

Oh, yo, I am in front of family.

[Chuckles]

♪♪

- [Elevator bell dings]
- Dre: Bow made her argument,

but it wasn't my fault that
Charlie didn't understand

what our friendship was and wasn't.

And truth?

Everybody at the office thought
I was their best friend.

James.

Can you explain to me this
whole, uh, overnight oats thing?

Uh, well, you just pour
the milk on top of the oats

and let them sit in the
refrigerator overnight.

Oh, oh, what about the fruit?

Do you put that on before,
or do you put it on after?

I don't know, man. I didn't
go to oatmeal college.

[Laughs loudly]

- [Cellphone chimes]
- Oatmeal college.

[Chuckles]

Oh, wow, Maddie. Look at this.

Uh, Bow is asking about doing
Thanksgiving at her mom's.

Who's Bow?

Come on. I thought you
knew that was my wife.

How would I possibly know that?

Well, you know, Bow thinks we
spend more time with my family,

but it's not my fault
that her family sucks.

You know, what am I to
do to keep the peace?

You should do whatever your wife wants.

She's not asking for much.

Yeah. Marriage is a partnership.

Yeah. It is.

But you know, her mom...
you know, she wears these

hippie robes, and not all
of them have belts on them.

So, when I come downstairs...

boom... you know,
everything is out there,

and I mean... everything.

I really think that's something

you should talk about with your friends.

I-I thought we were chopping it up.

W... we should go to that meeting.

- Uh...
- Yes.

- In the room.
- In that room.

In that room?

Mm. Okay.

[Chuckles] Mother-in-laws.

[Chuckles] Am I right?

Okay. Huh.

So, maybe my coworkers and I

were still getting to know each other.

I still had more than enough
friends to not miss Charlie.

I slept on it, and I came
to the same conclusion.

Work is a place of
business, not a clubhouse.

♪♪

♪ I will never find another
lover sweeter than you ♪

Seriously, you guys
don't know who Prince is?

- Well...
- It's cool, Dre.

I got this. [Blows air]

- You know what word I miss?
- Hmm?

- "Colored."
- Oh.

- Oh!
- Whoo! Whoo!

Stevens: Okay.

No, no, no! What's up?

It's not like you get that
close to work friends.

This is exactly what I
imagined heaven to be like.

- This is my hell.
- [Giggles]

Hey, brothers!

Y'all looking good.

Looking like the beginning
of a Taye Diggs movie.

- ♪ I prayed for someone like you ♪
- Okay, Charlie!

♪ And I thank God ♪

And I definitely wouldn't
consider coworkers family,

even if they are there

for every significant
moment of your life.

What's wrong, Dre?
You're looking pensive.

Uh, maybe this is just my pee face.

No. I know your pee face.

There's something else going on.

♪ Feel the same way, too ♪

- [Chuckles]
- Dre, when you asked me

to come over here for barbecue,

I thought it was to eat
barbecue, not watch barbecue.

This is better.

[Crying]

Hello, Mama.

Charlie, how the hell
did you get in here?

This is not weird.

My mama's inside your baby.

Aw, damn.

Charlie is my best friend.

Grown men don't have best friends.

Unless it's a dog.

We're being raised by a -year-old.

[Sighs]

I had broken my best friend's heart,

but I knew I could fix it.

Oh... Oh, hey. Hey,
have you seen Charlie?

You know, I... I wanted
to apologize and, uh,

let him know that I'm
honored to be his best man.

Yeah, uh, it's a little
late for that, Dad.

Uh, Charlie asked me to be his best man.

- What?
- And his lawyer.

Told him not to let me handle
the prenup negotiations.

[Exhales sharply]

Huh?

What do you mean you're
Charlie's best man?

[Exhales sharply]

Listen, I'm sorry, Dad, but you
blew it, all right? He turned to me.

Well, actually, he turned
to his Starbucks barista,

Brendan, but he had a prior conflict.

Although, he did send
the entire wedding party

their favorite drinks.

He's a great guy. They go way back.

Anyway, I've already got the
rings in my pocket, and, uh,

in case you're wondering, you
missed out on a very nice flask.

- Let me just talk to him.
- No, no, no, no.

I don't think so. All right?

Step away from the door.

You really hurt Charlie.

He was broken.

Luckily, Brendan and I were
there to pick up the pieces.

Look, I know I messed up,

but, Charlie, if you
give me one more ch...

Mnh-mnh!

Today of all days, Charlie
deserves to be up there

with someone he trusts.

But he trusts me.

Mnh-mnh.

Dad, don't embarrass
yourself, all right?

Now, I gotta go.

I gotta find "White
Hennessy," which at first

I thought was a liquor,
but turns out to be a guest.

[Chuckles]

I had missed my chance to make
things right with Charlie.

I messed everything up, and
he was moving on without me.

I don't need this funky wedding.

[Whistling]

Diane?

What are you doing working this wedding?

Well, I had to go incognito
since Vivica banned me.

And can you believe she put
my picture in every entrance?

Like anyone could keep me
from missing this train wreck.

Why you over here looking all sad?

You know, Charlie's been
a great friend to me,

and I took it for granted.

Well, that's no big
loss. The guy's a dud.

No, no, no.

Diane, he's not, though.

He's funny. He's loyal.

He... He listens to all my problems,

and he knows me better than
anybody outside of my family.

And I never took the time
to appreciate what we had.

Normally... I would say forget him.

He's a drain of
resources on this county,

state, and humanity.

But it seems like Charlie
means a lot to you.

While I disagree with that decision,

it's not every day your
friend gets married.

[Inhales sharply]

You're right, Diane.

Maybe the best thing
that I can do for Charlie

is to just sit back and watch
my best friend get married.

That was some pretty mature
advice you just gave me.

- Thank you.
- All right.

Well, I better get back in
there and do place settings

or Jerry's gonna have my ass.

Mm-hmm.

Even if Charlie didn't want me up there,

I could still celebrate
with him on his day.

Wait, so no one's gonna talk about

Babyface officiating this wedding?

- Shh.
- Like, we're just gonna let that rock?

Shut up.

Welcome, family, friends, tender lovers.

- Aww.
- Mm.

So, the bride and groom have
chosen to write their own vows.

Please.

[Exhales sharply]

Vivica, I promise to love and obey,

and do anything that you
want me to do, whatever it is.

I don't care. I am not proud.

I would do it. You just ask.

As long as you don't leave me.

My Charlie, [sighs] I can't
wait to spend my life with you.

You have made me the
happiest woman in the world.

And I want to send a special shout-out

to the Disney Corporation
for allowing us

to use this set from my
upcoming film, "Holy Alimony",

in theaters, streaming next June.

Soundtrack produced by Babyface,

featuring the single,
"What's Up, Prenup?"

- Hey.
- That explains why Michael Ealy's in the program.

- Oh.
- Babyface: Now, Charlie,

do you promise to think
of Vivica on two occasions.

♪ That's day and night ♪

♪ Would you go for broke
if she could be with you? ♪

- Whoo!
- ♪ Only you can make it right ♪

♪♪

That was the happiest
I'd ever seen Charlie,

and that was the point of the day.

[Indistinct conversations]

♪♪

[Clears throat]

- Everyone...
- [Glass clinking]

... I want to thank everyone
for coming out today.

I really appreciate you all.
Thank you so, so much, man.

And to my Uncle Roy's parole officer,

thank you so much for bringing him.

- We really thank you.
- Someone's in jail?

And to my beautiful, wonderful bride,

this special dance is for you, baby.

[Cellphone ringing]

[Michael Jackson's "b*at It" plays]

Oh, h-hey, girl. Yeah,
I gotta take this.

What do you mean you gotta take this?

Where are you going? We rehearsed this.

Who's gonna take your place?

♪♪

What are you doing here?

Stepping up.

After all, I am your best friend.

That means a lot. Thank you.

♪♪

But, uh, what about them Gs, though?

Worry about that later.

♪ b*at it ♪
♪ b*at it ♪

♪ b*at it ♪
♪ b*at it ♪

♪ No one wants to be defeated ♪

♪ Showin' how funky and
strong is your fight ♪

♪ It doesn't matter
who's wrong or right ♪

♪ Just b*at it ♪

♪ b*at it ♪

♪ b*at it ♪
♪ b*at it ♪

♪ No one wants to be defeated ♪

♪ Showin' how funky and
strong is your fight ♪

♪ It doesn't matter
who's wrong or right ♪

♪ Just b*at it ♪

♪ b*at it ♪

♪ b*at it ♪
♪ b*at it ♪

♪ No one wants to be defeated ♪

I got a lucky break.

In the end, I was able to be there

for Charlie like he was there for me.

That's what best friends do.

♪ b*at it ♪

What are you doing here?

There are people here that
will know if I go missing.

Relax, Charles.

I'm actually happy for you.

- This feels like a trap.
- It's not.

As a wedding gift, you and I are square.

Really?

Okay. Thank you, Diane.

You didn't let me finish.

You and I are square,

till you get back from your honeymoon.

Then all bets are off.

Okay.

- Okay?
- Okay.

- [Chuckles]
- [Chuckles nervously]

Wow. To think this all
started because y...

Vivica: Charlie, the limo's here!

Stay menacing, kid.

It looks good on you.

♪♪

[Chuckles]

I'm gonna flood his
house while he's gone.