01x08 - Devil Dog

[bunniefuu]

[intense music]

[engine revving]

grr

buzz

grr

buzz

beep beep

(male #1)
'Inside this cage'

'is the most ferocious
animal on the planet.'

If it gets out, don't bother
calling for help.

You won't have time.

So if you value your life

you'll keep the cage locked.

Never remove this lock.

'Any questions?'

Nope!

[tires screeching]

Hey, mister,
you forgot your lock!

grr

grr grr

[theme music]

[instrumental music]

- Uh! Sleep well?
- Why?

Are you implying
that I wet the bed?

Phoo.

Uh, you get the paper,
I'm gonna make coffee.

Are you implying that I
don't
know how to make coffee?

You don't know
how to make coffee.

Hmm.

Another boring day
in the suburbs.

[gasps]

grr

[cats meowing]

[growling]

[gasps]

Didn't you get the paper?

Do you know how to do
anything around here?

Don't open that! There's
a wild animal out there!

It's a dog!

That is no dog!

- It's a dog.
- No.

[whimpering]

Aww, are you lost, Poochie?

[growling]

Maybe he belongs
to one of our neighbors.

He's a wild animal.

He can't possibly belong
to one of our neighbors.

Well, then maybe
we should keep him.

But what if he belongs
to one of our neighbors?

[door bell rings]

Ooh, hello.

We're sorry to bother you,
but did you lose a pet?

[growling]

Lose a bet?
Oh, I don't gamble.

I mean, I'll buy a lottery
ticket now and then.

(Bugs)
'No, no, not a bet. A pet.'

'We found this dog.'

Oh, you found my clog.

Oh, thank goodness.

I've been looking
everywhere for it.

Oh, brother, forget the clog.

What she really needs
is a hearing aid.

Cheering maid?

What's a cheering maid?

You know, a cheering maid.

'It's basically a cheerleader
who cleans your house.'

'Sometimes they'll get in
pyramid formation.'

'They wear cute little pleated
skirts that can double as mops.'

[giggling]

I tot I taw a Tasmanian devil!

Nice try, bird.

[growling]

I did! I did see
a Tasmanian devil!

Yeow!

(Daffy)
'Come on, lady,
cheering maids!'

'They wax the floor
with their pony tails.'

'The chant the names
of various cleaning products.'

'They vacuum your floors'

'while dating the captain
of the football team.'

'They do W-I-N-D-O-W-S,
windows.'

- 'Windows!'
- 'Whoa! '

'They dry your laundry by
waving it out like a flag.'

'You know, cute little girls
with names like'

'Cindy, Margie, Britney.'

'There's always a Britney,
with a toothy little smile'

'and a feather duster.
What don't you understand?'

'They're real energetic.'

They use pom-poms
instead of sponges.

Wait! Why are we still
talking
about cheering maids?

- Is this your dog or not?
- Do I do the foxtrot?

Oh, why, yes,
of course! Oh, yes!

[humming]

You know what?

Let's just keep the mangy beast.

Because I can't take
another second of this.

You hear that, boy?

'You got a new home.'

[dramatic music]

[woman screaming on TV]

[growling]

Aah! Not my recliner!

Aww. He must be hungry.

[woman screaming on TV]

You stay here
and keep an eye on Poochie

while I go get him
some dog food.

Say, now that I think about it

he's gonna need a dog bowl, too.

And a dog collar,
and a dog leash, and a dog bed.

[engine revving]

'Oh, maybe
a little dog sweater.'

Alright, you filthy beast,
drop it!

[growling]

Mother!
Easy, boy, easy.

Sorry if the filthy beast remark
came off a little harsh.

I meant it as a compliment.

You know, like,
look at that filthy beast!

I like to party with that guy!

[growling]

Oh, come on.
You don't want to hurt me.

I'm a sweet guy, ha-ha.

Not sweet as in delicious.

Just sweet as in my personality.

Everyone who knows me says
I'm extremely tender.

Ah, I mean, you know,
tender and nice.

Not like my meat is tender.

Although duck meat is one of
your more tender meats.

Oh, no!
I've said too much!

[growling]

Yeow!

Ah!

Animal control, there's
a monster in my house

who's trying to k*ll me!

[growling]

[screaming]

[whimpering]

Hmm? Hmm? Hmm?

[growling]

[screaming]

What are you doing out here?

Hey, you're supposed
to be watching Poochie.

Poochie is a psychotic monster!

He hunted me
like I was his prey!

If you don't want to watch
the dog, just say so.

You can't go in there.
It's a death sentence.

We gotta sell the house,
start out new!

This neighborhood's
a bummer anyway!

'Wait!'

Since this is the last time
I'm ever going to see you alive

there's a few things
I need to tell you.

Remember that time someone
ate all your Halloween candy

and I said it must
have been aliens?

It was me.

And remember that time
someone ordered

all those pay per view movies
and I said it was aliens?

That was me, too.

And remember that time
you were abducted by aliens

and I insisted it was me?

I lied. It was aliens.

Poochie, I'm home.

[Bugs Bunny screaming]

A gruesome tragedy's gonna
make it a lot harder

to sell this house.

[intense music]

Ah! My glamour sh*t!

Ah! My tennis trophy!

Ah! My glamour sh*t
of my tennis trophy!

- No!
- 'Hey!'

What's going on out here?

We're trying to celebrate
my niece's quinceanera.

'It's a special day
and you're ruining it.'

Now, please,Senor Bunny,
keep it down.

[growling]

What is that thing?

He's my dog.

Woof. If you say so.

But that's one ugly dog.

How did you do that?

I simply asserted my place
as the alpha dog.

Sit. See? He's calm.

Because now he knows
I am not afraid of him.

Down.

Roll over. You see?

You need to be
the alpha dog to him.

Alpha dog, huh?

One disclaimer.

This stuff works on dogs.

And... I'm still not convinced
that that's a dog.

swoosh

(Bugs bunny)
'What is wrong with everyone?'

'He's obviously a dog.'

[growling]

'Tch.'

'Good boy.'

[instrumental music]

[music continues]

Oh, a dog salon.

You've been such
a good boy today.

You deserve a little pampering.

Have you seen this animal?
He's very dangerous.

If you see him,
call the zoo immediately.

How may I help you?

We'll take the puppy
pamper package, please.

We're very busy.

The Worstminster Dog Show
is tonight.

As you can see, every dog who's
any dog is here getting ready.

In that case, maybe
I should enter my dog.

Well, if you're competing,
I can certainly squeeze you in..

Oh, my! What is that?

That's my dog.

[scoffing]

Sir, I hate to be
the bearer of obvious news..

...but that is not a dog.

Hmm?

What did you just say?

'I said that thing
is not a dog.'

Hmm?

[grunting]

[whimpering]

For your information,
that is a dog.

He may not be the prettiest dog.

He may not be
the most refined dog.

'But my dog has something
that no other dog in here has.'

Oh, oh.

clank clank

And that is class.

zap zap

And I'll prove it to you

because my dog's gonna win
the Worstminster Dog Show.

thud

And by the way,
your salon is a dump.

Come on, Poochie,
you want to win a trophy?

Oh, what a cute doggie.

Let me get a good look at you.

I've never seen such a cute dog.

'What a good boy.'

[intense music]

Well, I can't think of
anything else to tell you.

Have a good day!

[instrumental music]

Oh, the excitement
is palpable here

at the Worstminster Dog Show.

Pray tell, who do you think
is going to win?

I think that one.
Oh, no, maybe that one.

'Oh, no, wait,
I didn't see that one.'

Oh, you do know there can
only
be one winner, right?

Well, I guess that's why
the excitement is so palpable!

[both laughing]

I'm here for my mani-pedi.

Sir, I've told you before,
this is a salon for dogs.

Fine! I wouldn't be
caught dead in here anyway.

- Your salon is a dump.
- It's not our fault!

Some rabbit came in here
with a wild beast claiming

he was going to enter him
in the Worstminster Dog Show.

Bugs.

And people say
I'm the crazy one.

[chuckles]

What a joke.

I have a better chance
at winning a Dog Show

than that thing.

Tasmanian devil? Danger?

Savage k*ller!

I've got to warn Bugs!

Huh! Guitar lessons?

[gasps]

[guitar music]

Huh, I gotta warn Bugs!

I'm comin' to save you, Bugs!

Ooh-hoo-hoo-oooh-oooh!

Ooh, souvenirs!

[instrumental music]

(man on PA)
'Up next Bugs Bunny
and his dog Poochie.'

I'm comin' to save you, Bugs!

Bugs!

Bugs, look!

[audience gasps]

(Bugs)
'You want me to take
guitar lessons?'

Not that! This.

Poochie's not a dog!

He's a Tasmanian devil!

What's a Tasmanian devil?

A wild beast whose
insatiable hunger for

v*olence and destruction

combined with his
sharp teeth and claws

make him the perfect
k*lling machine!

'k*lling machine!'

'k*lling machine!'

k*lling machine!

[all screaming]

Poochie!

Poochie!

[whimpering]

whirr whirr

[sirens wailing]

[whimpering]

Aah! Over there!

clank clank

Run for your life!
Panic!

'Every man for himself!'

Women and children last!

Aha! He's under here!

What are you doing?

Saving your life.

My life isn't in danger,
but now his is.

But he's a wild animal.
He's a monster!

Have you ever heard
the expression

"Don't judge a book
by it's cover?"

What about, "It's what's inside
that counts."

- Uh-uh.
- "Looks can be deceiving?"

- Doesn't ring a bell.
- What's wrong with you?

Oh! That one I've heard.

The point is, he may be
a Tasmanian devil

but he's also the best dog
I've ever had.

(male #2)
'Seal all the exits!'

I've gotta get him
out of here, but how?

Put this on.

[groans]

- Thanks, doc.
- Don't mention it.

I mean, I will.
Whenever it benefits me.

[intense music]

[blabbering]

I'm a Tasmanian devil!

There he is, get him!

Aah!

[dramatic music]

[gasps]

(male #3)
'Freeze!'

Uh.

There's a dangerous
animal in there.

You make sure
you get him home safe.

That's exactly what
I plan on doing.

[instrumental music]

[birds chirping]

Well, Poochie,
I guess this is it.

I wish I could keep you,
but this is where you
belong.

So long, buddy.

[grunting]

Tch! Go.

Oh. Oh.

[whimpering]

[engine starts]

whirr whirr

Mm-hmm.

Oh! Do you have a dog?

I used to.

[instrumental music]

Poochie?

Hang on, boy, we're goin' home.

[Poochie chuckling]

[theme music]

[dramatic music]

swoosh

beep beep

[dramatic music]

beep beep

[music continues]

[engine revving]

[tires screeching]

beep

[dramatic music]

[engine revving]

thud

clang clang clang

beep beep

swoosh

boom

[engine stops]

beep

thud

[muffled voice]

swoosh

[dramatic music]

(man on TV)
'The call on the field'

'is illegal use
of the hands and...

Uh-aah-ahem! b*at it!

'..put the ball on
the 44 yard line.'

[groans]

Do not make me use this!

[grunts]

Tshaw!

Tchoy!

Tchew!

[growling]

[screaming]

I prefer the couch, anyway.

[theme music]

[babbling]