01x03 - Basketball

[bunniefuu]

[ALEXA] High school was going pretty good.

Katie and I both had our new wigs,
and no one even knew I had cancer.

The best part of our day was lunch.

IT HAD TWO OF MY FAVORITE THINGS:

food and gossip.

OK, gossip.

I heard Courtney Stillman
is in a Target commercial.

I heard Lorraine and Tanya
are fighting again.

We're not talking about
your great-aunts, Hannah.

It's still juicy.

[WHISPERS] Tell me later.

I heard that a girl in our grade
has cancer.

[STAMMERS AND CHUCKLES]
Nobody likes a gossip, Toby.

You guys, who told?

- I didn't tell.
- I didn't tell.

- I told.
- Hannah!

- Who did you tell?
- Lady Gaga. But it was just in a dream.

We also ate apples dipped in chocolate
and I flew on her back.

Oh, OK, so people know,
but they don't know it's you.

Everyone will figure it out when I don't

try out for basketball this week.

Who are these people
following your every move?

People do, Katie. They just do.

[GWENNY] Oh!

Hey, Alexa. Look at you, sitting down.

That will be great practice
for warming the bench this year.

[GWENNY'S FRIENDS LAUGH]

Oh, it's you, Gwenny!

Well, that explains the smell.

I thought a rat d*ed in the vent.

[ALEXA'S FRIENDS LAUGH]

[FEIGNS LAUGHTER] Go ahead and laugh.

You'll be crying Friday
when I b*at you out for point guard.

Ha!

Joke's on you, Gwenny.
She can't try out this year.

- Hannah!
- Why not?

Because I'm joining
an after-school club.

The Losers Club?

That's not even a thing.

And... And if it were,
it would be made of you.

[CHUCKLES]

Bam!

[LAUGHS]

No?

♪ I've got you ♪

♪ When I can't take it any longer ♪

♪ You make me feel stronger ♪

♪ I've got you ♪

♪ When I can't take it ♪

♪ You make it so much better ♪

♪ We'll do this together ♪

♪ Oh-oh-oh-oh, we'll do this together ♪

♪ I've got you ♪

♪ Oh-oh-oh ♪

♪ We'll do this together ♪

Oh, great. My smother's not home.

Hey, that's mean.

OK, Lori's always there for you
with a blanket, a hug,

a sandwich and...

OK, your smother.

Mm-hm. Yeah, it's gotten worse
since school started.

She comes home from work early
just to stare at me.

[CAR DOOR CLOSES]

Is that her?

Oh, man! Here come the hugs.

[ALEXA SIGHS]

Can we just get to the hugs?

Hi, sweetheart. How was school?

Horrible.
I can't be on the basketball team.

Oh, honey.

And I have to spend the whole season
watching Gwenny Thompson play.

That evil little ferret!

Mom!

Sorry. Your illness has made me
a little extra protective.

- I shouldn't have said that.
- No, no, that's good. Lean into that.

- I have good news.
- Ooh! What is it? What is it?

Ah, hold on.

I've been b*rned by this before.

[SIGHS] So, you know I've been coming

home from work a little early every day.

- Oh, I'm aware.
- Mm. I won't be doing that any more.

Wow.

Ms. Ember and I put our heads together

and we figured out a way
I could work from home.

This home?

Yeah.

So you'll be here?

All the time. [CHUCKLES]

I'm gonna call your father, but when
I get back we're gonna sit down,

and I want to hear
everything about today.

Every little detail.

[STIFLED LAUGH]

I can't believe this! We're taking
the long way home from school.

Like through the field?

Like through Florida.

[JACK HUMS TUNE]

Pants!

Oh, right.

Hey, Mom.

Hey.

- What are you doing?
- Homework.

That you're ashamed of?

OK, don't laugh.

It's a dating site.

[KATIE LAUGHS]

Go on.

My friend Melissa met
a great guy on here,

and they have a free three-day trial.

It's kind of stupid, I know, but...

Is that your yearbook picture?

Very funny.

That was taken five years ago...

or so.

Hmm.

- "Swimmer"?
- I have never drowned.

- "Psychologist"?
- I'm taking classes.

Everybody fudges a little bit
on these things.

"No kids"?

Better get back to my homework.

That lady's pretty. Who is it?

That's Mommy.

What happened?

I heard Haley told Stacy,
she heard it from Ashley

that Whitney's mom found
out from Jackie's

mom that Britney is the one with cancer.

I'm Britney.

Oh.

Yeah. Well, I'm happy it's not you.

Alexa is so sick.

- Oh, no! You know?
- Yeah, Alexa's got mad skills.

♪ Yeah, don't get in my way
When I'm taking the rock to the... ♪

Katie!

- Hi!
- You were playing basketball?

I was gonna go straight home,

but I heard the shoes squeaking
and the net swishing,

and a part of my brain just said,
"We're doing this!"

And now that same part
is saying I need to sit down.

[ALEXA GRUNTS AND SIGHS]

See, this is why the doctor said
you can't play sports right now.

[SIGHS] I can't do sports, can't
do clubs, can't do anything fun.

How do you live this way, Katie?

Oh, I have fun
keeping my insane friend in line.

Looking good in there, Mendoza.

- I think we've found our starter.
- [GASPS] Really?

No, I just like to get kids' hopes up
and then knock them down.

Yes, really. I'll see you at tryouts.

- Tell her.
- I can't be on the team.

What? Why not?

My work with troubled kids.

They depend on me, Coach.

Mikey,

Becky,

little JoJo.

That goofy smile,
it just melts your heart.

Wow. So I get screwed? Great.

At least we have Gwenny Thompson.

Gwenny? Wait!

Uh... You should check out
my friend, Hoops!

- Hoops?
- Hoops?

Yeah!

She's a little gangly
and a bit of a daydreamer...

but an amazing natural talent.

Well, come to tryouts... Hoops.

"Hoops"? What the heck?

Also, I was hoping my high-school
nickname could be "The Blizzard."

- I'm sorry. It just came out.
- Forget it.

Katie,
I just want to be on the team so bad.

And if you get on the team,
it will be like I'm on the team.

Except I'll be on the team.

Well, we share everything, right?

OK, when you're sad, I'm sad.

When you're happy, I'm happy.

When you're playing basketball,
I'm playing basketball.

[GWENNY] Oh!

Alexa, what are you doing at the gym?

Are you going to be the equipment girl?

Because I like my towels extra fluffy.

[ALEXA FEIGNS LAUGHTER]

OK, I'm not...

You can't...

I won't...

Ooh, burn!

She's here with me, OK?

I'm going out for the team.

And my name is Hoops.

Hoops!

OMG. This is going to be fun.

Yeah? Yeah, fun in your face!

What about Frank?

He likes to play video games
and he lives with his mom.

Frank's perfect.

I'm sure that's what
his mother tells him.

- Let's just...
- Wait, look at Blake.

He likes collecting knives
and camping in the deep woods.

Mommy wants to come back from her date.

OK, go wash your hands.

And don't eat peanut butter
with your fingers.

Sucker.

- How's it going?
- Mm. Terrible.

I wasted two hours
on that stupid dating site

and I have a psychology paper due I

haven't even figured out a theme for.

- Are you bald in high school?
- No.

Talk to me then.

What's this about?

OK. All right, don't laugh.

Playing basketball.

Ha!

Go on.

I'm trying out for the team.

Honey, I know I told you you could do
anything you put your mind to,

but that's really just a saying.

I'm doing it for Alexa, OK?

Her doctor won't let her play,
so she's coaching me to do it for her.

Hey, we learned about this in school.

She is compensating for her inability

to perform critical identity functions

by living vicariously
through a surrogate.

[SIGHS] Poor Alexa.

Oh, I think I have my psych paper!

I-I'm going to change your names.

All right, take it to the hoop, Cooper!

OK.

Very good, Katie. What did you forget?

[STAMMERS] The ball?

Look at you! OK, last time you didn't

even know the answer to that question.

I'm getting better.

OK. So, I'm going to take it to the
hole. Where are you supposed to be?

Fronting you.

Right, good. All right.

So why aren't you fronting me?

I don't know what that means.

[SIGHS] You get in front of me, OK?

Between me and the basket.

Then shouldn't it be
called "betweening"?

Closer.

- Closer.
- Oh, maybe I can't do this.

- Yes, you can.
- [LUCAS] Alexa's right.

- Really?
- Yeah, you can do this.

You're a quick learner.
You've got the height.

I've, uh, got the height?

You just need a better coach.

I'm doing just fine, Lucas.
She just needs to concentrate.

Right, Katie?

Katie?

The Blizzard?

You know what?
Maybe you do need a better coach.

Lucas is a great coach.

Some people say I can be a great coach,

some say I have great hair.

I say both can be true.

How would you like Lucas
to be your coach?

I guess that would be all right.

Yeah, I can give you some pointers
sometime, Katie.

Cool! Tomorrow's good.

Or the next day,
but I can move stuff if I have to.

- I'll text you.
- Not if I text you first!

What are you doing?

There's no breakfast.

Where's Mom?

I don't know.

I came down here for breakfast,
like always, and there's no breakfast.

Just this empty plate.

Mom!

I tried that. I'm out of ideas.

I thought she was working from home
so she could do more for us.

She hasn't told me to put anything
warm on since I got up this morning,

and I'm actually a little chilly.

Don't look at me.
I don't know where the warm things are.

I can get that.

Oh, thanks, Mom.
Can you get me the fuzzy afghan?

And waffles?

I can't get it until
the end of the week.

Should we just call
her on her work line?

I tried. She blocked me.

OK. Well, we'll touch base on Monday.

Bye, Raha.

[LORI CHUCKLES]

Hey, guys. Isn't this great? I can work

from home and still be with you guys.

[CELL PHONE RINGING]

Oh, crap! My conference
call with Madrid.

Hey, honey, can you
make some more coffee?

Oh, me? How do I even...

This is Lori. ¡Hola!

Hey. Who's on?

Hey, Eduardo, Gabriel.

Babe, I could really use that coffee.

Hey, Alexa.

So uh... where's Lucas?

I'm ready for practice.

Are you wearing make-up?

I-I hugged my mom.
Maybe some rubbed off.

OK, Katie.

Let's see what you got.

Take a sh*t from... there.

[STAMMERS] Am I holding it right?

No. You have to hold
your left hand under...

- Like this?
- Here, I'll show you.

I can't watch this.

All right.

Now, when you launch the ball, push with

your right hand and follow through.

Let her rip.

[GLASS SHATTERS, CAT SCREECHES]

OK.

You know what?
Maybe defense is more your thing.

I'm gonna try to score.
You try to guard me.

Come in on me. Get closer.

Wow. Yeah. Uh-huh. OK.

Come on, Katie.
You've really got to get up on me.

OK, that's a foul, Katie.

Oh. Um... H-How many do I get?

Right here.

- Now, don't let me get by you.
- Not a chance.

Here we go.

- I-I got you.
- That's it!

- I'm doing it!
- Yeah, you are!

- [CELL PHONE DINGS]
- Hold it.

It's Dylan.
Sorry, I've got to hit him back.

Good work. You're gonna be a beast.

[ROARS]

- You know that cancer rumor?
- Yeah.

- I think it's Rachel.
- What makes you say that?

I asked her out. She said no.
What else could it be?

[WHISTLE BLOWS]

Good D, Hoops.

Terrible nickname.

All right. Tryouts are tomorrow.

I want you to check the roster for

your starting times. Good luck, guys.

And remember, if you don't make it,

the tennis team takes everybody.

- Hey, did you hear the coach?
- Yeah, you're doing great.

We got a compliment!

You got a compliment.

Remember, we're doing this together.

Yeah, right, right.

Alexa!

I thought you had
your Quitters Club meeting?

No, it was
the Gwenny Thompson Smells meeting.

We all agreed and quickly adjourned.

All that free time not
playing basketball

and that's the best you can do?

I'm happy you finally agreed
you can never b*at me.

I can b*at you anytime, anywhere.

Alexa, no.

Let's do it.
Right here, right now, one on one.

- She can't.
- Why not?

- Just tell her.
- Tell me what?

That you're a little baby chicken?

[SQUAWKING]

[SQUAWKS]

Alexa!

[GROANS] You don't
know anything, Gwenny!

Baby chickens peep!

Yeah, so I can have that to you
by tomorrow, Afnhan.

Good, she's home. Mom!

Shh!

Sorry. A colleague's daughter.

It's like, get some day care, right?

[SIGHS] So I really think you're gonna
like the offer we have for you.

Alexa!

[AFNHAN] Lori...

Oh! Yeah, it's uh... No-Pants Thursday.

[CHUCKLES]

[KNOCKING]

Hey.

You OK?

Nice outfit.

Hm. Business, casual.

Did something happen at school?

Honey, I am here for you.

No, you're not.

You were here for me a lot more
when you went to work.

You're right.

I'm sorry.

I've been going through
an adjustment period.

I had no idea my assistant
worked so hard.

But from now on, I promise, I will be

here for you any time you need me.

I don't need you.

Oh.

- OK, I'll go.
- Don't go.

OK. You want to talk?

No.

So...

charades?

Just stay with me?

OK.

- Can you start wearing pants?
- We'll see.

Are you on that dating site?

My free trial is over.

We're month-to-month now.

Jack!

Meet Roland. He's got a gold tooth!

You know, Jack, this isn't a game.

Mommy might meet somebody on a site

who could become your new stepfather.

Well, maybe not a site like this.

You and Dad aren't
getting back together?

No. We talked about that, bud.

I know.

You know, you haven't talked to your dad
in a couple of days.

Let's give him a call, huh?

OK.

Hi, Robbie.

Jack wants to talk to you.

- Thanks, Mom.
- Mm-hmm.

Dad? Hi.

- [JENNIFER CHUCKLES]
- I b*at your Mario Kart score!

Ooh! Roland has a catamaran.

[BASKETBALL BOUNCING OUTSIDE]

[BACKBOARD THUDS, BASKETBALL BOUNCES]

Mendoza takes it to the right elbow,

pops a 15-footer.

She's on fire!

Mendoza again at the top of the key.

Boomshakalaka!

Mendoza steals the ball

and throws up a prayer.

God's in a good mood.

Save your stubs, folks. You'll want to

tell your grandkids you
were here tonight.

Oh. Hey, Hoops.

Coach.

[SIGHS] You were good out there today.

I'm really excited for you.

You know what?
Who cares what Gwenny Thompson thinks?

It's not that.

Watching you play
didn't do what I hoped it would.

It made me miss being out there
more than ever.

I just have to accept there are
some things I'm gonna miss out on.

I'm sorry.

But I still want to do this for you.

No matter what happens,

we can't lose sight
of the most important thing.

Friendship.

Taking Gwenny Thompson down.

[LAUGHS]

So, how exactly do you plan
on taking Gwenny down?

- Uh, duh! With my mad skills.
- Oh.

Cooper has the ball! Three seconds left!

This is for the championship!

Skyhook!

[CLATTERING]

[MAN] The charcoal lighter!

- [WOMAN] Oh, my God!
- We should probably go in now.

It's got to be Taylor Franklin.
She looks so pale.

I heard it was Alisha Bratman.

She was gone all summer.

But what about Kelly Blitt?
She cries a lot.

Oh. Hey, guys. Tryouts today, right?

Listen, Katie,
these are my lucky wristbands.

- I don't know if you...
- Thank you!

[KATIE CLEARS THROAT]

I probably should
have washed them first.

No, they're... they're fine. [CHUCKLES]

Well, good luck.

Ew!

[KATIE GRUNTS] Hey!

Hey, no fair!

Hoops can handle it.

- Who's Hoops?
- Who cares? We're here for Katie.

Stay in the game, Cooper!

[WHISTLE BLOWS]

[ALEXA] Katie didn't end up
making the team that day.

But she definitely made an impression.

Face!

[ONLOOKERS GASP]

It's Katie!
Katie's the one who has cancer!

[UPBEAT THEME MUSIC PLAYS]

♪ Hey! ♪

♪ Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh ♪

♪ I've got you ♪

♪ Oh-oh-oh-oh ♪

♪ We'll do this together ♪