02x06 - The Love Bug

[bunniefuu]

ANNOUNCER:
Previously on Felicity...

I thought you were going
out with Ruby tonight.

Oh, she left. She had to...

She had to go
home for a few days.

How's that goin'?

It's fine. It's nothing.

What about you?

You got any
action to talk about?

Can we not talk about this?

Okay, this is crazy.

What is? The awkwardness,

the little looks you
keep giving each other.

Ruby told her that she
thought you were hot,

and it's driving her crazy.

Oh, and he's going nuts

worrying about the next
guy you're gonna date.

We know midterms can
be really overwhelming,

so if you guys need anything,

don't hesitate to ask
myself or Meghan.

As long as it's nothing stupid.

Meghan. What?

We have midterms, too.

Okay, so are there, uh,
any other questions? Yes.

What if we get sick
during midterms?

Just don't.

Um, if you're feeling sick,

I would start
taking vitamins now.

But if you mean will your
professors feel sorry for you

and let you turn your
papers in late? No.

(COUGHS)

I want to take a vote.

Who here thinks we have
too many of these meetings?

(AGREEING)

Okay, well, I guess that's it.

Um, good luck on
your midterms, and...

Excuse me. I have another
question about my health.

What is it now? Botulism?

What does mono feel like?

Like anyone would kiss you.

(COUGHS)

Um, I'm not really sure.

I've never had mono.

I have.

You know it when you've
got it. You get a fever,

you get sweaty, exhausted.

You can't even get up.

It's horrible.

Carl, I'm sure you
don't have mono.

Um, you probably wouldn't
even be able to stand up right now.

(ALL EXCLAIM)

Meeting over.

Carl?

(THEME SONG PLAYING)

Dear Sally, okay, why
hasn't David kissed me?

We had dinner twice last week.

Saw a movie. We talk
on the phone every day.

You think it's the
ex-girlfriend thing?

That he was so hurt he doesn't
want to get involved again?

I hope not.

Um...

Want to get lunch tomorrow?

Yes.

With me is the catch.

Still yes.

Okay.

I'll call you tomorrow.

Great.

(DOOR CLOSES)

So, what's up with new guy?

David?

I'm calling him "new guy."

I'm actually really confused
about things with the new guy.

Yeah, you hear about this
stuff on the news every day.

You're so overreacting.

To what?

Hi, it's so...
Nothing. It's stupid.

No. We're walking
through the park,

and this shifty-looking
guy approaches.

He was so not shifty-looking.

He had a briefcase.

Yeah, like a worn one.

Like a used k*ller's briefcase.

And then he says to Ruby...

And I don't know how he
did this with a straight face,

except that I have a
feeling he was a k*ller.

"You want to
audition for a movie?"

Really?

God, that's amazing.

So what is it?

Yeah, did they tell
you what movie it was?

Mmm. He said it
was like classified or...

Uh-huh, yeah, which
is convenient, right?

He said he would give me
the details when I called.

Which I'm not even gonna do.

Is anyone eating
this grapefruit?

You are not going to put
grapefruit on your lucky charms.

Ew.

How could you not
call? I'd be so curious.

If it wasn't for midterms,
maybe I would.

So did he give you
a card or something?

Mmm-hmm.

Oh, this looks totally legit.

Doesn't it?

You gotta call.

I'd never get it,
whatever it is.

Hey, guys, where are the bagels?

In my stomach.

I put the rest of
them in the cupboard.

(WHISPERS) Oh,
wait, new guy stories.

Oh, what is this
about a new boyfriend?

Um, it's just really weird.

This guy that I've been
hanging out with, um, he just...

Won't make a move? No.

Has he kissed you?

Uh, not yet.

Yet? But do you want
him to, that's the question.

What are you guys talking
about, that movie guy?

What's going on?

Oh, is this girl talk?

Have I been disinvited?

The answer to your
question is definitely.

(ALL LAUGHING)

Oh, good. Thank you, thank you.

Inclusiveness, that's good.

I feel... It's my apartment.

Remember to
keep the swirls tight,

and don't let
any air in the bag.

All right?

(TELEPHONE RINGS)

Can you finish the tray? Sure.

Thank you.

Hello, Maggie's Catering.

(SPEAKING JAPANESE)

Great.

Now I gotta learn Japanese.

Ben.

Yeah, I told the guy out
there I was a friend of yours

and he just let me
come on back here.

So, I don't know, I guess
you ought to fire him.

Suzanne, will you do me a favor?

Uh, go by the office
and call Mrs. Winters

and let her know that we're
probably on for the 16th.

Yeah, Mrs. Winters.
Yes, thank you.

Do you, uh, do you
speak a lot of languages?

Because, I don't know, I still
haven't mastered English yet.

I lived in Tokyo for
a couple of years.

What are you doing here?

Do I need a reason
to come see you?

Well, this is my work.

I need to maintain
a professional image

in front of my employees.

Oh. Okay.

Oh, I'm kissing a college boy.

You know, you really
gotta get over this age thing,

'cause if I were older
and you were younger,

no one would
think twice about it.

Mrs. Winters' number
isn't in the computer.

Uh, check the rolodex.
It's by the phone.

Okay.

I can't have you here.

Not now.

Fire.

Clammy.

Are you all right?

I have mono.

Mono?

Oh, my God. What?

I know a guy who had
mono for seven months.

You're kidding.

k*ll me.

I'm not a hypochondriac,

but I have serious beliefs
that everything is airborne,

and you cannot
sleep in here tonight.

Well, I don't really have
a choice. I'm an R.A.

If you feel like that, you
can't help anybody anyway.

Stay at my place.

What?

You can't stay here.

Hey, so, she called the k*ller.

Huh?

Ruby. She called the
k*ller from the movie studio,

and now they're sending, uh,

over sides, whatever those are.

Hi.

Hi.

David, uh, this is Noel.

Oh, nice to meet you.

Yeah. (MEGHAN GROANS)

Meghan has mono.

Oh, God, I had
mono freshman year.

Was it bad?

Well, it wasn't good.

Okay, Felicity, stay at my
apartment tonight, please.

Okay, thanks.

Good.

Call me later, and I'll
meet you there after work.

Okay.

Oh, nice to meet you.

Yeah, yeah, you, too.

Okay, so let me
get this straight.

You are spending the
night at this guy's apartment?

Yes. He doesn't
want me to get sick.

Okay, well, neither do I.

So come stay with
me and Samuel, okay?

We just got this pullout
thing, it's very deluxe.

You are not allergic
to animals, are you?

Javier, I want to
stay at David's place.

I like him.

Okay, well, as your
friend and also boss,

I don't exactly approve.

Why?

Because it seems
like, like a scheme,

like the first excuse
to get you into bed.

(TELEPHONE RINGS)

Okay.

Dean & DeLuca, this is Javier.

Yeah. Who is this?

It's the man I don't trust.

It's David?

No, it's David.

(LAUGHS) Hello? Hey.

(WHISPERING) What's
he saying? Let me guess.

Can I guess? Let me guess.

Mmm-hmm.

Spanish.

No, no, no, I
totally understand.

Of course. Yeah, um,

so I'll give you a
call later. Okay.

His apartment's
getting fumigated.

Apparently.

Okay, so come stay with me.

No, no, no, I'll
figure something out.

(WOMAN MOANING)

Yes. No more.

Nuh-uh. Yeah, you do.

RUBY: I should really
go study right now.

Yes, you should.

Okay. Okay.

Mmm. Hmm.

Felicity?

Hey.

What are you doing out here?

Um...

Oh, um, Meghan has mono.

Yeah, uh-huh.

I thought you were
staying at that guy's place?

Uh, no, that fell through, so...

Well, can we get you anything?

No, no, thanks. I'm fine.

You don't look very comfortable.

Oh, no, I'm fine.

Okay. All right.

I'll see you tomorrow, okay?

Okay, breakfast.

Yes. Yeah.

Okay, bye.

So, are you sure you're...

I swear to God I'm fine,

unless you want to take my
art history midterm for me.

No, thanks.

Good night.

Good night.

Um...

So listen, uh...

Does Ruby know about us?

I don't know. I
didn't say anything.

Because I don't think she does.

So why don't you tell her?

Well, I would, uh,

but it's the very early stages.

You know, it's a very
seminal time, you know?

That was a horrible
word to describe that.

Um, well, she did come to me

and tell me what a
good kisser you are.

But that was a
couple of weeks ago.

She said that?

But you didn't say anything?

Well, maybe I should have,

but I didn't want
to embarrass her.

No, well, look, don't, okay?

I mean, don't say
anything. I will.

It's just that the ex-girlfriend-boyfriend
discussion hasn't come up,

and I don't want to seem, uh...

Paranoid?

I just didn't want
to bring it up.

Why?

I don't know.

This is stupid.

Will you please come
stay at our place?

You know, this is
actually pretty comfortable.

Okay, well, then I
will see you later.

All right. I'll see you later.

Sleep tight.

(COUPLE MOANING)

ELENA: I'm your friend, so I
can say something like this to you.

You look like you've
been hit in the face twice.

God, I wish I were
asleep right now.

Maybe you got mono.

I don't have mono,
I have exhaustion.

Am I completely the best
boss in the world? Yes?

Thanks.

You look like the bottom
of the cappuccino machine

when we clean it out at night.

Oh, thanks.

What happened to your
knight in shining apartment?

He, uh, he said his place
was getting fumigated.

Hmm. And you bought that?

Not particularly.

Sounds like guy B.S. 101.

B.S.? Boy shenanigans?
Is that what that...

Really? That's
what I thought, too.

Oh, my God! He's here.

Hi.

David, hey. This is Elena.

Hi. Hi.

And, uh, Javier.

Hello, you.

Uh, excuse me, I have to, um,

dust the scones.

And I'll be right back.

Uh, here's the prints
I told you about.

Oh, I can't wait to see them.

If you get a chance, I would
love to get your opinion.

Yeah.

Uh, so, this class
I'm teaching tonight...

(JAVIER GASPS)

Uh, okay, like I was saying,

this class, I want to blow it
off and take you to dinner.

I know it's midterms.

You gotta eat, though. Right?

Is your apartment
really being fumigated?

Oh, my God! You
think I'm a liar.

No, no, you need proof.

Okay, fine. I
will tell you what.

We will get dinner tonight

and then I'll take you to
the building and show you.

You got it.

Good. Good.

I thought you trusted
me more than this.

I'm so sorry.

God, Charlie, I'm so sorry.

Uh, I've got news for you.

Next time you want
to hire a detective,

don't find him in
the yellow pages.

I don't know what to say.

Then don't say anything.

I can't understand that.

Oh, then it says we kiss.

Oh. Mmm-hmm.

Oh, I don't think I can do this.

Are you crazy? No, look,

I know I was a
little hesitant at first,

but this part could pay
for college and grad school.

This is so embarrassing.

What's the worst
that could happen?

They can videotape me,
and then they watch it.

Okay, this doesn't
seem real to me.

Really?

'Cause I thought this
part seemed kinda real.

Mmm.

Mmm-hmm?

Mmm-hmm.

Look, I know they made
you promise not to tell,

but, uh, who's in the movie?
Who's playing Charlie?

I can't tell you. I'm sorry.

They made me sign these
non-disclosure agreements.

They're insane.

Come on, it's okay.

I can't!

(EXCLAIMS)

All right. Um, but
if you get the part...

Then I'll tell you.

Promise? Yeah.

Okay. Good. Okay.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

Come in.

Hi. Do you have a second?

Uh-huh. MEGHAN: Come in.

Take a load off.

Have some pie.

(PANTING)

Don't mind her. She's
just delirious from mono.

Oh. Um, this is... This
is so embarrassing.

What?

Well, the stuff that
we talked about

at the first R.A. meeting.
I just wasn't listening

because it didn't really apply.

What was it?

I need to get a diaphragm.

Did you say health
services was the way to go?

Uh-huh.

Okay, 'cause I was
on the pill for a while,

and it made me so
bloated and just...

Not that you care what
Noel and I do, right?

Yeah. I mean, as
long as you're safe.

Just remember that
the pill and diaphragm

don't protect you
from STDs, so...

Oh, I know, I know.

So where are you going?

Actually, I'm gonna go stay

at Noel and Elena's
place for a few days.

Till I die.

You and Noel are
really good friends, huh?

Yeah, I mean, I
guess we kind of are.

Um, you know, I should
really kind of get going.

How come you never
went out with him?

Um... (LAUGHS)

(SNEEZES) (GASPS)

Ew.

That was an accident.

We should get out.

Yeah.

FELICITY: Oh, you
should open that box

and see the photos he gave me.

You think this is
a little too dressy?

What are you going for, 1 to 10?

Um, well, I'm just
supposed to be studying,

so I guess a three?

Three? That's a six.

A six? Really? Okay.

Damn. The new
guy's talented, too?

I know, but he still
hasn't kissed me yet.

Oh, bad timing, that's all.

Tonight's the night.

You think?

What about this?

That's a four. Keep it.

Good. With a
little sweater on it?

Hmm.

You're in trouble.

What happened?

FELICITY: You
still haven't told her.

Uh, who? What?

Oh, Ruby... About
us. No, no. Who cares?

I care. I'm her R.A.

She comes to me with
issues and questions,

and, you know, you asked
me not to say anything

so I didn't, but it's getting
really uncomfortable.

I swear to God I'll tell her.

You know, I'll tell her tonight.

You'd better.

Hey, these are great.

The new guy took them.

Really? That David guy?

Mmm-hmm.

Huh.

Why are you all dressed up?

Don't listen to him.

Okay, so what's going
on with you guys?

If you don't mind my asking.

Um, well, nothing.

I mean, we're just kind
of in the beginning stages.

Okay.

You're not even gonna
ask about me and Ruby?

Hello! I know
about you and Ruby.

She came and asked Felicity

where to get a diaphragm.

Elena. What?

He'll find out soon enough.

Oh, my God! She asked
you where to get a diaphragm?

Yeah, so you can see why
it's a little uncomfortable for me.

Yeah, I'm sorry about that.

I'll deal with it.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

Uh, that's Ruby. I gotta change.

Come in.

Hi. Hey.

I got a call from the
movie studio guy.

They moved up my audition.

Now it's tomorrow
morning at 10:00.

So you're gonna do it?

I thought it would
be a good story to say

when I'm like a grandma.

I could say, you
know, I got this close

to getting a part in this
huge movie I can't talk about.

Hey. Hi.

That confidentiality thing
expires eventually, right?

Where are you
non-midterm-studying kids off to?

I don't know.

What are you in the
mood for? Mmm-mmm.

Besides a low GPA?

Anything.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

David? Uh, nice pictures.

Noel, thanks.

Yeah. Come on in.

Hi. David. Hi. Ruby.

Hey. Hey.

Hey.

Wow! You... You look great.

Thanks.

RUBY: Are you
going out tonight, too?

Yeah, we're just gonna
go get a quick bite.

Why don't you come with us?

Tonight? Tonight?

Uh...

Why don't we go downstairs?

Epstein Bar sounds good to me.

It's not the best.

Oh, you know, it's up to you.

Whatever you want,
though. It's your call.

Okay, I'm starving.

Well, actually, I am, too.

Really? Really?

Will the four of you go
downstairs for dinner, please,

and leave me alone?

Sorry.

It's good to see you.

Okay, bye.

Yeah. Let's go.

Yeah.

You know, I'm really
glad you called me back.

I wasn't going to, knowing how
this was going to end anyway.

Oh, you know how
this is gonna end?

I'm not just a
Japanese-speaking caterer,

I'm a psychic
Japanese-speaking caterer.

Oh.

You know, you might
be wrong about that.

About the way things end.

I wanted to give you
a proper goodbye.

Oh, so it was a
completely generous thing?

No, being here is 100% selfish.

I... I wanted to be
with you one last time.

That's what this is.

Do you understand?

See now, I'm a little young,

so I don't know exactly
what that means, but...

This is it.

No more after tonight.

Unless you're wrong
about how it ends.

I'm not wrong.

Should we, uh, should
we go somewhere?

Right here.

Here. Uh, where here?

(CLEARS THROAT)

Come on, you've got to
tell us who's in the movie.

I want to, but they
made me promise.

Okay, what if we guess.
Then will you tell us?

No, I already tried that.

I'm changing the subject.

We need new
drinks. I'll get 'em.

I'll go with you.

All right, I'm going to
try to get it out of her.

Good luck. I've been
working on her for hours.

(LAUGHS)

It's not gonna happen.

Hmm.

(LAUGHS)

FELICITY: She's nice.

Yeah. So's David. Seems it.

Yeah.

(LAUGHS)

Hey, you, uh...

You have an eyelash...

Where?

Uh, it's...

Uh... This one?

No, it's...

Can I... Can I get it?

Yeah. Yeah?

I got it. There it is.

Okay, before you make a wish,

make sure you got
a really good one.

Okay.

What would you wish for?

I can't tell you.

Sure, you can.

No, I can't. Then
it won't come true.

But you're not the one wishing.

Yeah, I am. I'm always wishing.

Even in non-eyelash moments.

Couldn't have come
true. I'm still here.

Thank you.

So, we should, uh...

So, uh, do you want to go
get some coffee or something?

Ben, I know you think I was
kidding, but I wasn't kidding.

This is it.

Well, this can't be it.

This is it.

Why?

Because I have a
company to run...

And you've got midterms.

Wait a sec, wait a
sec. Wait a second.

But you like me.

I mean, you do.

I like sleeping with you.

Look, let's just go get
some coffee, okay?

Look, I don't want this
to end in a bad way.

Well, so don't end it.

We will run into each
other and we'll be polite,

and it'll just stay our secret.

But that's it.

It was really fun.

Take care.

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

Yeah, I'll be home later.

No, go without me.

(WHISPERS) Come on.

Okay. Buy me a...

Phish Food. Yeah.

Okay. Bye.

Fish food?

Oh, it's an ice cream.

Melissa's going to the store

and she wanted to know
what kind of ice cream I wanted.

It's my favorite.

Mmm. Mmm-hmm.

By the way, I
loved the pictures.

How about the
one of the little girl?

Oh, she's beautiful.
It's just, like, ah...

She reminded me of you.

There is this purity...

About her, this grace.

She's extraordinary.

I'm blushing. I don't
even know why.

Mmm, Noel...

Felicity.

What did you say?

Um...

You just said "Felicity."

(STAMMERING) It... I
wasn't... It didn't mean, uh...

What's going on between you two?

Uh, nothing. Look...

Oh, my God!

No, look, we broke up last year.

Now we're... So how did it end?

Look, it's complicated, okay?

She broke up with you.

Okay, it's over.
That's all it is.

It was a slip.

We'd been hanging out together
tonight, and her name was...

If it's over, how come
you didn't tell me?

I was going to.

Why didn't Felicity tell me?

Because I told her not to, okay?

You had discussions
about not telling me?

And you're saying it's over?

Look, it is, okay? Come
on, it doesn't matter.

It does to me. Okay,
I went to Felicity

and I told her things.

I told her that you
were a good kisser.

I bragged about you.

I asked her for a
birth control device.

I know. I do. I...

You know?

Oh, my God!

Ruby, what's wrong?

I wish you would have
told me about you and Noel.

Um...

Did he just tell you?

Not intentionally.

What's she talking about?

Ruby, listen to
me, please, okay?

I need your keys. I left
some stuff at your apartment.

Look, I'll walk you
up there, okay?

You put me in a really embarrassing
position. Not telling me the truth.

NOEL: Ruby, look...

Don't talk to me.

I probably should
have told you, too.

That Noel and I...
Well, we used to go out.

(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)

We, Noel and I, are over.

Maybe. It's just so hard
to judge something like that

so soon after the breakup.

Uh, no, no, no.

Noel wasn't even the
guy I was going out with.

Then I'm definitely
in trouble here.

My big concern with
us this whole time

has been that I'm just not
ready to trust someone again.

I don't blame you.
I'm not mad at you.

This is about me.

David...

Yeah, it's...

I'm sorry.

She didn't want me to come.

Where's David?

He left.

Oh, God.

What the hell just happened?

I said your name...

Uh, when we were kissing.

Unconscious
thing, though, but...

Can I say this to you?

What?

As much as we've been through,

as much as I feel for
you, as much as, uh...

As much as I think about you...

I really wanted it
to work with Ruby.

Me, too, with David.

(SIGHS)

Oh.

Hey.

Hey.

(COUGHS)

Hey, you okay?

I think I have mono.

Oh, what?

Noel, you've already had it.

Well, I don't want
to get it again.

What's going on?

She has mono.

I knew it.

No, Meghan
sneezed and I think...

I cannot get sick
during midterms.

Can I get a little
compassion here?

Felicity, I feel
for you. Really.

Get out.

What?

I love you, but I can't
get sick! Not now!

I'm with her. I'm sorry.

It's...

Ahem!

Oh.

(KEYS CLANKING)

(INHALES DEEPLY)

Thanks for the mono.

What are you doing here?

What are you doing there?

We both have mono so we had sex.

Is that what that was?

(MOANS)

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

Yeah?

(DOOR OPENS)

Hi.

Hey.

Can I come in?

Yeah, please.

I like you.

Which is why I
got upset last night.

I felt embarrassed.

And that maybe I
was being led on.

You're not.

Well, I thought
about it and, uh...

And I ate a whole container
of Phish Food ice cream.

And, um...

And I realized that
it doesn't matter.

I like being with you.

And whatever happens, happens.

Look...

The only reason
I said her name...

Don't! You don't
need to explain it.

You just can't ever do it again.

Come here.

Yeah.

(SOFT MUSIC PLAYING)

Ben...

I had an idea I
wanted to run by you.

I thought maybe we could go
up to Vermont for the weekend.

I know a really
nice place up there.

You're so cute.

No, no, cute is patronizing.

Let's go away for the weekend.

Ben, I can't.

What, is it work?

I mean, is there any condition
in which you'd say yes?

(TELEPHONE RINGS)

Yes.

See? Okay, so how do
we create those conditions?

Maggie, your
husband's on line one.

Are you sure you
want to do this?

Yeah. Are you?

Yes, definitely, yes.

Do you have anything?

Yeah, yeah. Here.

What are you doing?

Checking the expiration date.

Hey, I got some news.

What?

I got the part.

I... I went in this morning
with all that energy

from last night, and...

(STAMMERING) I...

You got the part?

Yeah.

Oh, my God! Congratulations!

Thanks. I leave in
2 days. For 3 weeks.

You're gonna be
gone for 3 weeks?

Yeah, so we're gonna have to
make up for lost time, you know?

Yeah.

(MOANS)

Mmm-mmm-mmm,
so tell me, who's...

Who's the guy in the movie?

Who's the guy you're gonna
be kissing? Have I heard of him?

It's Tom Cruise.

(GIGGLES)

What? Yeah.

I can't really
believe it, either.

You're gonna be
kissing Tom Cruise?

On the lips?

Let's not talk about it, okay?

Wait...

Is this thing expired?

No. Excellent.

Gotta go out.

What?

What are you doing?

(SIGHS)

Gotta go out.

(GROANS)

Too tired...

to insult you.

(KEYS JINGLING)

Me, too.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

Hi. I know it's late.

Look at you.

I know.

I had to come.

Um...

A chair would be really good.

Thanks.

I'm gonna take this off.

Okay.

(EXHALES)

I'm sorry that

you're not comfortable with this

potential relationship, because

I really want to
see where this...

Us...

Could go.

I mean...

I'm not making

any promises,

or, you know, having
any expectations.

All I'm saying is...

If I wasn't pretty
sure that I had mono...

I'd grab you and
kiss you right now.

(SIGHS)

But, you know...

So give me mono.