04x05 - The Sleeping Beauty

[bunniefuu]

Poolhouse

Seth: Bollywood, huh? I didn't know you're such a world cinema buff, especially at 2:30 in the morning.

Ryan: What are you doing up?

Seth: I had a dream Summer was marrying Ralph Nader and I was playing the marimba at the wedding.

Ryan: Good gig. Why don't you call her?

Seth: I'm giving her space, remember? I promised myself I'd wait at least a week before calling. What are they dancing about?

Ryan: This guy just saw his girlfriend's ankle. Hmm. You think it's about time to talk to someone?

Seth: Nobody ever d*ed of insomnia. Fine. You know what? I'm sort of in the mood for a chaste Hindu love story with lots of needless dancing.

Ryan: Seth, go to bed.

Seth: No can do. If you're awake, I'm awake.

At Cohen's

Kirten: Come on. Love is...

Seth: Nice.

Kirsten: Thank you. You know, you'd be a lot sharper if you didn't sleep on the couch.

Seth: You know, maybe you should invest in some less-comfortable furniture. Why don't you chew on that for a while?

Sandy: Morning, all.

Kirsten: Hey, how'd it go?

Seth: Oh. I'll get it.

Sandy; Five feet, glassy, and I got that skinflint Sweeton to pledge $30,000 to the PD's Youth Outreach Program.

Kirsten: Oh, they are so lucky that you are organizing that event. You are amazing.

Sandy: Mm... Uh-huh. What do you need?

Kirsten: I just need a slogan for New Match. So far, your son has come up with "Love is Nice," and "Love Schmov."

Taylor: "Love is a smoke made with the fumes of sighs; being purged a fire sparkling in lovers' eyes."

Kirsten: Taylor, that's beautiful.

Taylor: Shakespeare. Old Bill's always good or a line. Julie left this in my car. So, um, I was in the neighborhood, I thought I'd drop it by in case you needed it.

Kirsten: Oh, thank you. I'm going to go give Ryan some coffee.

Taylor: Um, I can do that.

Kirsten: Thank you.

Poolhouse

Ryan: Hello?

Taylor: Easy, girl.

Ryan: Taylor, what are you doing here?

Taylor: Um, I'm just, uh, bringing Kirsten some papers. This is for you.

Ryan: Oh, thanks, but actually, I'm kind of not drinking coffee right now.

Taylor: Oh. Well, Ryan, I just wanted to thank you again for helping me with my husband, and I am...

Ryan: You don't have to pay me back.

Taylor: Are you kidding? If it wasn't for you, I would be in France right now, trapped in a loveless marriage. You saved my life, and I am at your command. Anything you want... anything.

Ryan: You could hand me that shirt.

Taylor: You joker. Here. Um, I'm serious. You're not getting out of this so easily. You know, in some cultures,they say that if you save someone's life,you're bound to them forever. Bye.

At Cohen's

Sandy: Here she comes.

Taylor: You know, it's odd, but I never appreciated how funny Ryan is. Life-- such a journey. Well, have a nice day.

Sandy: She said Ryan was funny.

Generic

At Roberts'

Julie: Oh, my God ! Wake up! Wake up!

Hans: Oh, what are you doing?

Julie: It's almost 8:00. You have to get out of here before my daughter wakes up. Oh, my God.

***

Kaitlin: Are you my new daddy?

Hans: Oh, uh, good morning. I'm, I'm your mom's personal trainer. We were just doing an early morning workout.

Kaitlin: Oh, really? How much do you charge for that?

Hans: Well...

Kaitlin: Save it, okay? If my mom wants to club five nights a week, sleep till noon, and hook up with some 25-year-old Bavarian beefcake, it just means she's got less time for me. The door is that way, Hans.

Hans: Okay.

Julie: Kaitlin... You are having breakfast alone?

Kaitlin: Yeah, why? Who else would be here?

Julie: No one. Uh, although my new personal trainer was going to come over. You know, we single women have to stay in shape.

Kaitlin: Well, I'm sure he'll give you a very good workout.

Shopping center

Seth: Oh, no.

Taylor: Seth! Good, you're here.

Seth: Actually, I was just, I was...

Taylor: You might want to sit down. I have huge news and a favor to ask you.

Seth: You like Ryan and you want my help convincing him to date you?

Taylor: Wow.

Seth: You said he was funny; that's kind of a giveaway.

Taylor: I know, it's crazy. I mean, I've always thought "Cute guy, might be good for a night of rough-and-tumble fun, but it's not like we have anything in common."

Seth: So ignore it. It's probably just gas.

Taylor: But then when he helped me with my husband and he kissed me, it was like Dorothy landing in Oz. Everything just popped into Technicolor.

Seth: Ah.

Taylor: You think I don't know what that means?

Seth: I said, "Ah."

Taylor: Meaning, "Ah, that Taylor, she is so pathetic. Someone's the least bit nice to herand she becomes totally obsessed with them. First me, and then her French husband when he lent her a subway ticket, now Ryan.

Seth: Well, you know, isn't it kind of true?

Taylor: So what? Yes, I have a psychological predilection to become romantically attached to men who are nice to me due to the fact that I was raised by a she-wolf of a mother who practiced emotional terrorism. Does that mean that if by some miracle, love does come into my life,I should deny it? What kind of person would that make me? What kind of life...

Seth: Taylor, what do you want me to do?

Taylor: Find out if he's ready to start dating.

Seth: Okay.

At Ryan's workplace

Ryan: Hello?

Seth: Hey, you're doing a great job.

Ryan: Thanks.

Seth: Did you finish the movie last night?

Ryan: Uh-huh. Uh, which one?

Seth: Are you ready to date again?

Ryan: What?

Seth: Simple question.

Ryan: I have no idea. Why?

Seth: Okay, cool.

At the comics bookstore

Seth: He's not sure. Listen, you don't want to get involved with him right now, okay? He slept like four hours in the last week. He's a mess.

Taylor: Really? Interesting.

Brown's college

Man: Excuse me? Can you not do that now? Excuse me.

Che: Hey, we're supposed to clean, buddy.

Man: Yeah, and I am in the middle of something.

Summer: What's this one's name?

Man: Don't touch that. They're part of an experiment. You're a janitor?

Che: Uh, you know, we can just go. Betty, we'll come back later.

Summer: Yes, Lou, we should go.

At the tennis court

Spencer: So you're going to hold the ball gently, okay, like, um, like you're holding ice cream.

Kaitlin: I stopped eating ice cream.

Spencer: So what do you eat?

Kaitlin: Nonfat, non-dairy yogurt.

Spencer: Fine, hold the ball like nonfat yogurt.

Kaitlin: Okay. But if I serve this one in, you have to go out with me.

Spencer: Kaitlin, how many times I got to say this? You're 15.

Kaitlin: So a kiss is still out of the question?

Spencer: Just serve the ball. There it is, it's over the net.

Julie: Well, I was wondering if maybe you wanted to squeeze me in for a training session tonight. Mm-hmm. Easy girl. Hold on a second.

Spencer: Eye on the ball. Come on.

Julie: Kaitlin, you didn't tell me you had a new instructor. Hi, I'm Julie Cooper, Kaitlin's mother.

Spencer: How you doing? Spencer. Uh, your daughter, she's got a lot of potential. Mm-hmm. So you play?

Julie: Oh, no, I used to, but... I was actually thinking about getting back into it.

New Match Office

Kirsten: Hey. You're early.

Sandy: Well, I wanted to see the new place up and running... and give you this. So Julie already took off, huh?

Kirsten: She had to pick up Kaitlin at tennis. Oh, it's a Wonder Woman paperweight.

Sandy: Seth gave me his employee discount.

Kirsten: Well, it may end up being a souvenir.

Sandy: What are you talking about?

Kirsten: Remember that woman that I told you about in Laguna that has a high-end dating service?

Sandy: Yeah, she's going to retire, sell you her client list.

Kirsten: Well, she got another offer, four times ours,and right now we don't have enough money to counter, which means that all of this could be short-lived.

Sandy: What about taking on a backer?

Kirsten: I could you put in touch with the donors I've been talking to.

Sandy: I'm playing golf tomorrow with Gordon b*llet.

Kirsten: The oil tycoon?

Sandy: Yeah.

Kirsten: Didn't he go to jail for tax evasion?

Sandy: Yeah, but he's out now. I had dinner with him last month. He's really not a bad guy for being a total pig.

Kirsten: I don't know. We just wanted to do this ourselves. And besides, having a silent partner, they always have an opinion.

Sandy: Well, it's my impression he's got a lot of fish to fry. So I doubt he'd be involved in your day-to-day, but I could ask him.

Kirsten: Okay. Thanks.

Brown's college

Che: Clear.

Summer: Did you find out what they were doing with them?

Che: Does it matter? If it wasn't evil,they wouldn't have to keep them locked in cages like animals.

Summer: What's the plan again?

Che: The plan is to set them loose and then lead them to the forest. The forest, across the river.

Summer: Lead them, how?

Che: I brought my flute.

Summer: Your flute? Like the Pied Piper?

Che: Uh, no, scientific study shows that music actually triggers a reaction inside the pleasure center of the rabbit's brain. Check this out. Feel his heartbeat. It's calmer. It's just to keep them calm. But trust me, as soon as they feel the free air on their faces,they're going to be leading us.

Summer: Hi. You're a fat bunny. You're name is Pancakes. Did you know that? Huh? Pancakes. Hey, come here.

Che: Okay, when I open this door we've got about 60 seconds till the storm troopers arrive. You ready to do this?

Summer: Yeah.

Che: Welcome to liberty, my friends.

Summer: Come on, Pancakes.

Poolhouse

Ryan: Taylor?

Taylor: Ryan, you can't sleep, can you? You poor thing.

Ryan: It's 3:00 in the morning.

Taylor: Seth told me everything. But lucky for you, junior year, I won the state science fair for my study in sleep disorders. I can help you.

Ryan: Oh, well, that's really nice, but actually, you know,I'm fine.

Taylor: It's the middle of the night, and you're wide awake.

Ryan: So are you.

Taylor: Well, I never sleep more than four hours a night. It's unproductive. Ryan, don't you see, this is how I'll pay you back.

Ryan: Yeah. You know what? Actually, I'm kind of tired.

Taylor: Stop lying. I want you to meet me tomorrow morning at 8:00, at the diner. And I won't take no for an answer.

Ryan: Fine.

Taylor: Ryan?

Ryan: Yeah?

Taylor: Good night.

Ryan: Good night, Taylor.

At the coffee shop

Taylor: Okay, just relax. Be normal. You can do this. Good morning, Ryan.

Ryan: Hi.

Taylor: Oh, you poor thing. You look exhausted.

Ryan: Yeah, well, look, Taylor, I don't know what Seth told you, but I'm fine, really. I've got work, so...

Taylor: Did you sleep at all last night?

Ryan: No, but, uh...

Taylor: And how about the night before? Ryan, insomnia can go on for months. What's the harm in letting me try and help you?

Ryan: Fire away.

Taylor: Okay. So, um, first off... How much of this is related to Marissa? I'm really sorry to ask, but if that's what's going on, I think we need to know. Well, I need to know.

Ryan: It's not about her. It started after Thanksgiving.

Taylor: Hmm. Right after Volchok turned himself in?

Ryan: Yeah, I guess, why?

Taylor: Ryan, I'm just spit-balling here...

Ryan: Yeah, yeah.

Taylor: But, um, this is the guy you wanted revenge on, right? So you probably went to bed every night thinking: "I'll get him tomorrow." But now that purpose is gone, so what's the point in going to bed if there's no point in waking up?

Ryan: I hadn't thought about that.

Taylor: Oh, my God. I am such an awesome sleep therapist. And this is only our first session.

Ryan: Yeah, listen, I better go.

Taylor: Yes.

Ryan: But, uh, thanks. This was, uh... Good.

Taylor: Well, my pleasure. Bye.

Tennis court

Spencer: You ready? Nice sh*t, Julie.

Julie: Thank you, Spencer.

Kaitlin: You know, this is supposed to be my tennis lesson.

Julie: Don't you think it's fun to do mother-daughter stuff?

Kaitlin: Please.

Spencer: Come on, keep your eye on the ball, Kaitlin. Let's go. Bring it back, up, and very nice. Back, up and... Very nice. Mm-hmm.

Julie: Do you mind? It's the third time.

Kaitlin: Sorry.

Spencer: Ow. Ooh. Are you all right ? This will helpwith the serve.

Julie: I think I really strained it. I'm strong.

Soencer: You are strong. I'm pretty impressed.

Julie: Ooh, perfect. Where's my racket?

Kaitlin: Oh, that's weird. You know, I'm ready when you are.

Golf course

Gordon: Well, I get that she did a fine job in that whole Middle East thing, but I'm sorry, Madeline Albright-- not hot.

Sandy: Well, Gordon...

Gordon: I told you to call me b*llet.

Sandy: Well, b*llet, call me crazy, but maybe Madeline Albright doesn't need to be hot.

Gordon: Oh, well, that's an interesting point of view, Sandy.

Sandy: Hey, your donation to the PD's Outreach Program was really generous, thank you.

Gordon: Oh, well, you caught me at the right time. I was in bed with those Arab fellas. That's a metaphor. Them boys cooked the books on me, so I sold out. Left them high and dry. They never should have messed with old b*llet. Bang. All righty. Look at that. Shii-ite Muslim. You see, the point is, I'm cash-rich right now, and I don't know what to do with all the stuff.

Sandy: Really?

Gordon: Cigar?

Sandy: No, thanks.

Gordon: They're Cuban. Commie bastards do one thing right.

Sandy: You know, my wife just started a business, and she and her partner are thinking about taking on investors. In fact, you could talk to them about it tomorrow at the benefit-- you know, get the details.

Gordon: Well, I don't think I'm going tomorrow, Sandy. You see, my date went back to her husband.

Sandy: I'm going to do you a favor. You should talk to my wife,because that's the business she's in, and her partner is newly single.

Gordon: She hot?

Ryan's workplace

Seth: And I was into recycling way before it was cool. Al Gore got half that stuff from a paper I wrote in sixth grade. I just don't, you know, make a stink, because he's doing good work.

Ryan: Well, when are you allowed to call Summer again?

Seth: 10:03 tomorrow. Am I driving you crazy?

Ryan: No, no.

Taylor: Hi, Seth. Ryan, I need your keys. I have to get your room ready.

Seth: What?

Taylor: Oh, I'm Ryan's sleep therapist.

Ryan: Right. Uh, that's your tacos.

Seth: Because you can't.

Taylor: Why not? I did not tell you about Ryan's sleep problems, so you could use it for some weirdo seduction. I'm not...

Seth: Are you a sleep therapist? Are you certified? Sleep ther... Do you have a little certificate from the American Institute of... uh, the sleep place?

Taylor: And what if I can help him? He wins, I win. They call it win-win for a reason.

Seth: It doesn't matter. You can't.

Taylor: Just say what you're really thinking, Seth.

Ryan: Hey... Everything okay?

Seth: Yeah.

Taylor: Great.

Seth: Could you go get me some pico de gallo?

Ryan: Yeah. Sure.

Taylor: It's true-- you don't think I'm good enough.

Seth: That's crazy.

Taylor: Oh, Taylor, she's so funny, what a kook,but her and Ryan, please.

Seth: You need help, do you know that?

Taylor: I mean, she's no Marissa. Exactly.

Ryan: Here you go.

Seth: Thanks, I've got to get back to the shop.

Taylor: Yeah, I better go, too.

At Brown's college - Summer's bedroom

Summer: Hey, Amber. Did Seth..."?

Amber: Your boyfriend didn't call. I thought he was giving you space.

Summer: Uh... he is. It doesn't mean that I can't call him.

Amber: Oldest trick in the book. I'm giving you space so you can call first and look like the needy one.

Summer: Seth isn't doing that.

Amber: Of course not. Oh, but the dean's office called. They want to see you tomorrow.

Summer: What? Did they say what for?

Amber: No.

Amber: Hey, did you hear that someone set free the bunnies in one of the science labs?

Summer: Huh, really? Well, maybe someone thought it was inhumane.

Amber: Maybe someone didn't know they were only being studied for their socialization patterns and lived a pretty cushy life. By the way, there's a rabbit under your bed.

Summer: Che.

Che: I got the call, too. That scientist picked us out of a face book. Apparently the chiseled features of freedom, not that hard to recognize.

Summer: What are you going to do?

Seth: Breathe, caterpillar. It's all going to be okay. I went through the same exact thing when they tried to frame me for flooding the trustee dinner.

Summer: But you did floodthe trustees' dinner.

Che: Yeah, but they didn't know that. Flax and Oats?

Summer: I don't think I can lie.

Che: Of course you can't. No more than the wind could lie,or a tree. Oh... I have to go write a song. I just came by to tell you that I am with you until the end.

Summer: But, Che, what if they kick us out?

Che: Then in the words of the great Chief Aupumut I will sing my death song and die like a warrior going home.

Summer: Pancakes.

Jettey

Brad: I thought we were goingto the beach.

Kaitlin: In a minute. I just want him to see me in my bikini first.

Eric: You mean you want him to molest you.

Kaitlin: All right, shut up. I have real feelings for this guy... Oh, my God.

Eric: Wow, looks like your mom has some feelings, too for that guy's butt.

Brad: Dude, why are you talking about that guy's butt?

Eric: Shut up.

Brad: You're so gay sometimes.

Poolhouse

Ryan: Oh, my God.

Taylor: Welcome home, Ryan.

Ryan: Taylor. Taylor, Taylor. This, um... Are you wearing pajamas?

Taylor: Oh, yes. Many people sleep better with a warm body beside them. Don't worry. It's completely non-sexual.

Ryan: Yeah. I've got to ask, though. Is this... I mean, you don't, you don't like me, do you?

Taylor: Um... Yeah, I like you. We're friends.

Ryan: No, I mean, the, um...

Taylor: Oh. Oh... My goodness, no. No, no, no, no, no. I just, you know, I want to pay you back and, um... I happen to be really interested in sleep disorders.

Ryan: Okay.

Taylor: Great. Shall we start with a massage?

***

Seth: Oh! Whoa! What the...? Hey, what are you doing here?

Taylor: Me? What are you doing here?

Seth: Uh, bringing Ryan coffee, and I live here. Did you stay the night?

Taylor: No. Well, yeah, kind of. Can I just have one of these? You didn't put any sweetener in, did you? 'Cause I read that aspartame can cause brain tumors quicker than you can say Jack Robinson. Hey.

Seth: Taylor.

Taylor: I was just helping Ryan with his sleep. Have you seen him? He was gone when I woke up.

Ryan: Hey! I went for a jog. It's, uh, this isn't what it looks like.

Taylor: Totally. Yeah, you know... Well, kind of. We did sleep in the same bed.

Ryan: No, actually, uh, you slept in the bed. I was reading in the chair all night.

Seth: This is too weird for this early in the morning. I'm just going to... here.

Ryan: Well, that was good.

Taylor: So you really didn't sleep at all? Is it because I snored? My mom always wanted me to get an operation for a deviated septum.

Ryan: You didn't snore.

Taylor: We should talk about what happened so I can adjust the plan for tonight.

Ryan: Taylor, look, I appreciate everything you've done. I really do. And I think you're probably right about Volchok. But I also think it's something I need to go through on my own. So let's call it even, okay?

Taylor: Okay.

Ryan: All right. I'm going to go jump in the pool.

At Roberts'

Julie: So what, Sandy just served me up like a piece of meat? How rich is he? 5:00 will be fine. Hi, honey.

Kaitlin: You going on a date?

Julie: Yes, I'm going to Sandy's delinquent benefit with a man called "The b*llet." Apparently, he owns Texas.

Kaitlin: Oh, well, that sounds like fun. Um, do you think Mr. Cohen would mind if I crashed?

Julie: Yeah, I think that'd be okay. I'll have to leave you some cab money.

Kaitlin: Well, what if I invited a friend who drives?

Julie: That works, too. It's nice to see you interested in charity.

Kaitlin: That's me.

Brown's college - Dean's office

Dean: Ms. Roberts, the reason we called you in today...

Summer: I helped free the bunnies. I didn't know that they were only being studied for how they interacted. I know it doesn't excuse it.

Dean: Well, the board appreciates your candor. Can you tell us who else was involved?

Summer: No, I'm sorry.

Dean: I see. There have been other acts of political activism this semester that cross the line of legality: An incident at the Board of Trustees Dinner...

Summer: I wasn't involved in that.

Dean: Do you know who was? Ms. Roberts, the severity of your punishment will be influenced by how cooperative you are today.

Summer: Dean, other deans, I really, really love Brown. I have changed so much here. But I'm afraid if I tell you who did those other things, then I'd be betraying the new me, and I can't do that.

Dean: One final question. There is still one rabbit missing.

Summer: I don't know anything about that.

At Roberts'

Kaitlin: Taylor, did you take my lip gloss with the bee pheromones in it?

Taylor: It's on the dresser.

Kaitlin: Are you okay?

Taylor: Yeah, peachy.

Kaitlin: Talk.

Taylor: Okay, what do you do when you like a boy and he barely knows you're alive and you already pretended to be his sleep therapist and... I'm out of options?

Kaitlin: Okay. Well, this may sound a little weird, but try dressing up fabulous and going to a place where you know you'll run into him.

Taylor: That's it?

Kaitlin: That's it.

Taylor: That really works?

Kaitlin: Almost every time. And I mean,touching his arm when you guys are talking is always good and dancing and body contact. And laugh at his jokes. I mean, even if they're not that funny.

Taylor: Ooh, I-I do that already. Okay, what else?

Kaitlin: You could walk in front of him, I mean, if he's a butt guy.

Taylor: I don't know if he's a butt guy.

Kaitlin: Well, it can't hurt. I mean, girl, you've got a great butt.

Taylor: You are such a sweetie. Tell me more.

Charity case

Sandy: I just want to thank you again on behalf of the entire Public Defender's Office. So please, drink, dance and have a great time. Thank you.

***

Sandy: Hello.

Kirsten: This is wonderful.

Sandy: Thank you. So how's Julie and The b*llet doing?

Kirsten: See for yourself.

Gordon: So there was this big, white-tailed Texas deer coming across there, so I wheel around like d*ck Cheney and go... bang! I got him. Bang!

***

Taylor: Hello, Ryan.

Ryan: Taylor, hi. You look, um...

Taylor: I look nice?

Ryan: Nice, yeah, that's the word I was looking for.

Taylor: Well, so do you. Would you like to dance?

Ryan: Actually, I'm not much of a dancer. It's probably shocking.

Taylor: Maybe the exercise will tire you out. Not that this is therapy. No, we're not doing that anymore. It's just, you know, fun.

Ryan: Yeah, okay.

Taylor: Okay.

***

Julie: Whew. Okay, just a second. He wants to talk numbers Monday.

Kirsten: Who?

Julie: The b*llet. He's getting drinks. But he's in, Kiki. He loves New Match.

Kirsten: That's great.

Julie: I know.

Kaitlin: Mom.

Julie: Kaitlin.

Kaitlin: Look at who I brought with me.

Julie: What are you doing here?

Spencer: You said your mom told you to bring me.

Kirsten: Uh, Julie, what's going on?

Kaitlin: Is that your date?

Julie: You and I will talk later. b*llet, this is...

Gordon: What the hell are you doing here, boy?

Julie: You know each other?

Spencer: You're on a date with my dad?

Julie: What?

Kaitlin: What?

Kirsten: Oh, God.

***

Sandy: You ditching my party already?

Seth: I was thinking about calling Summer. I'm not supposed to call her until 10:03, but technically, it is 10:03 on the East Coast, so that's not cheating, is it?

Sandy: Sorry, Seth. I'd say, yeah, that'd be cheating. Hey, did I see Taylor leaving the pool house this morning?

Seth: Yeah, she's pretending to be Ryan's sleep therapist so he falls in love with her. That's new.

Sandy: That'd explain the way they're dancing in there. I hope it works out.

Seth: You're supporting this seduction plot?

Sandy: Well, you don't have to be a shrink to see that Ryan's still working through things. You know, I think he could use the human connection.

Seth: Yeah, but those two... I don't know.

Sandy: Well, they're not the most obvious couple, but then neither were you and Summer once upon a time. And Taylor thinks Ryan is funny.

***

Ryan: We-we did not hate you.

Taylor: Oh, you totally hated me. Come on, you were probably the president of the "We Hate Taylor Club."

Ryan: I was the secretary. I took the notes.

Taylor: Ryan, you made a real joke.

Ryan: Yeah, well, a pretty bad one. But I made a real joke. Thank you, but don't tell anyone. You want a drink?

Taylor: That'd be nice.

***

Seth: I saw you dancing with Taylor.

Ryan: Yeah, is that look supposed to mean something or...?

Seth: Crazier things have happened. Nothing I can recall this instant, but...

Ryan: Okay, I don't think so. Ask yourself why.

Seth: She's smart, she's funny.

Ryan: Dude, just forget about it, okay? I'm not going to date Taylor.

Taylor: Um, I was just... Excuse me.

***

Ryan: Taylor, Taylor, Taylor... Hold on, let me explain.

Taylor: Oh, I think you were pretty clear, Ryan. And, yes, I lied when you asked me if I liked you. But... What was I even thinking? I mean, you and me... I must be totally crazy.

Ryan: You're not crazy, okay?

Taylor: Ryan, I pretended to be a sleep therapist to seduce you.

Ryan: That was crazy.

Taylor: Don't worry, because I'm sure next week I'll be totally obsessed with some guy who gives me change for parking.

Ryan: Look, what I said has absolutely nothing to do with you, okay? It's just...

Taylor: What? That for the longest time all you could feel was your desire to k*ll Volchok,now that's gone,so you feel empty. You can't feel anything, least of all anything for me.

Ryan: How do you keep doing that?

Taylor: Doing what?

Ryan: That-- you keep telling me what I'm thinking before I feel it.

Taylor: Because I think about you. You know, I want you to be happy, and I think that if you gave it a chance, you might feel something, too.

Ryan: Taylor...

Taylor: Are you going to tell me that you really like me as a friend?

Ryan: Maybe. How does she do that?

***

Julie: Do you have any idea what you just did in there?

Kaitlin: Screwed up things with your new boyfriend? Thought you were all, "I'm off men. I'm going to start focusing on the new business."

Julie: That was about business, Kaitlin. That man was going to give us money, money that we need.

Kaitlin: Then why'd you have to hook up with Spencer? I mean, couldn't you see that I liked him?

Julie: He's ten years older than you, and no, I couldn't see that.

Kaitlin: Well, I was flirting with him.

Julie: You flirt with everybody.

Kaitlin: So do you.

Julie: You're 15 years old.

Kaitlin: And you're my mother. I don't have to see guys sneaking down the stairs while I'm trying to eat breakfast. It makes me want to barf. That...

Julie: That is completely fair. Oh, my God, honey. What is wrong with me? I am so sorry.

Kaitlin: It's okay. Just try to pick one guy. One that I don't like.

Julie: How did you know that Spencer was b*llet's son?

Kaitlin: I didn't.

Julie: It was just coincidence? That's weird.

Brown's college

Che: Summer, hey. What are you doing?

Summer: Waiting for you. Have you been talking to the board this whole time?

Che: Summer, have I accomplished anything this semester?

Summer: Are you kidding? Che, there would be no political activism at Brown without you. Oh, my God, are you getting kicked out?

Che: No, no, but I think you might be.

Summer: What?

Che: Yeah, they needed a scapegoat. You said yourself, I'm too important to the movement, so...

Summer: What did you tell them, Che?

Che: Uh, just that you flooded the trustee's dinner, and disabled the maintenance vehicles in October... And, well, there's a whole list of stuff. I was only going to say a couple, but then, you know, I thought, if Summer's going down anyways... may as well have her go down in style.

Summer: Well, Che, you did all of those things and I protected you.

Che: I know. And the movement will never forget it.

Summer: Shut up about the movement, okay? This is not Cuba. We are in college. We have dining cards. I'm going to get kicked out.

Che: Caterpillar.

Summer: No, okay, don't call me that. Okay, just stay away from me.

Charity case

Gordon: Well, fine. Fine. You'll have your money tomorrow. Senators. Well, if it's not the little pot stirrer. Have you seen my idiot son? He's probably somewhere banging his head against the wall.

Kaitlin: Dude, no one cares that he's your son. You should invest in my mother's business.

Gordon: Or what? You going to tell everyone what a meanie old b*llet is and I'm going to have to sit alone at lunch? Oh, boo-hoo, boo-hoo.

Kaitlin: My mother is awesome. She ran the Newport Group. And when she broke up with her fiancee, she got his house. She'll make you a lot of money.

Gordon: Already got a lot of money, squirt.

Kaitlin: Just thought it might be some fun. Well, if that's all you're in for, then knowing my mother, will be the best investment you've ever made.

***

Kirsten: Tired?

Sandy: Exhausted. Hey, how'd it go with the b*llet?

Kirsten: Well, as it turns out, Julie was dating his 25-year-old son.

Sandy: Ooh. That's a weird coincidence.

Kirsten: That about sums it up.

Gordon: Sandy, mind if I borrow your wife for a second? Come on, blondie, I won't bite.

***

Julie: Hey, you ready to go home?

Kaitlin: Yeah. Where's Spencer? I figured you guys would have made up and he'd be showing you his half volley.

Julie: I told him it's over and that if he ever came near you again, I would crush him.

Kirsten: Julie? We're back on. b*llet wants to come by the office on Monday.

Julie: What?

Kirsten: Apparently Kaitlin can be quite persuasive. I'll talk to you tomorrow.

Kaitlin: Yeah, I got game.

Julie: You want to get some ice cream?

Kaitlin: I stopped eating. What the hell. The guy at the ice cream store is so hot.

Julie: That's my girl.

Seth's bedroom

Seth: Well, close enough.

Taylor: Seth.

Seth: Taylor, what are you doing in here?

Taylor: When I had really bad insomnia last year,a Chinese doctor gave me this herbal tea. And I thought it might help Ryan sleep. I would have given it to him before, but I was trying to seduce him.

Seth: So... So why can't you just give it to him?

Taylor: Because I'm too embarrassed. You were totally right. Here I am, getting a divorce, I'm living like a refugee at Julie's. Ryan's nice to me so I fall for him ? It's just totally pathetic. Just please give that to him.

Seth: Wow, I never thought I'd see you quitting.

Taylor: Well, it's completely hopeless, Seth. You heard him.

Seth: Yeah, I know, just you're rolling over like an old dog. Not the Taylor I remember.

Taylor: Are you seriously trying to Jedi mind trick me?

Seth: Taylor Townsend, quitter. I guess I'll just have to get used to that.

Taylor: Fine.

***

Seth: Hello.

Summer: Hey.

Seth: Hey. Summer, I was just about to call you.

Summer: Oh, you were?

Seth: Yeah.

Summer: I wanted to call you, but I didn't want to seem needy.

Seth: Are you kidding? I been wanting to call you all week.

Summer: Seth, you still love me, right?

Seth: Of course I do. What's going on?

Summer: Well... I got a rabbit.

Seth: Okay. What's its name? Wait, no, let me guess. Is it Cyclotron?

Summer: No.

Seth: Are you lying? Is it, uh, Gorgon the Destroyer of Carrots?

Summer: No.

Seth: Is it Larry?

Summer: Larry? You're not Larry.

Poolhouse

Taylor: Um, I brought you some tea. I'm not trying to be your therapist again. I just thought it might help you sleep.

Ryan: Oh, thanks.

Taylor: Oh, God, what am I doing.

Ryan: Wait, hold on. Look, I've got to say something. I think you've got this idea that you're this strange person that has to trick people into liking you. That's not true. You're, um... You're amazing.

Taylor: Oh, my God. You just did it to me.

Ryan: Did what?

Taylor: You said exactly what I was feeling. Well, except for the amazing part.

Ryan: Well, it's true. Honestly, you know, I wish I did feel something.

Taylor: Kiss me.

Ryan: Uh, what?

Taylor: I think there's something there. And I think that if you kiss me you'll feel it, too.

Ryan: I think we already did that.

Taylor: Nope, uh-uh. You kissed me, I didn't kiss you. Come on. Just... If you don't feel anything, I will never mention it again. That's the best deal you'll ever get. Ask Seth. Just one kiss. One kiss. One kiss.

Ryan: Okay.

Taylor: Okay. I'm sorry.

Seth's bedroom

Summer: Thanks for talking to me, Cohen. I really miss you.

Seth: Get some sleep, I'll talk to you tomorrow.

Summer: I love you.

Seth: I love you, too.

Poolhouse

Seth: Hey, I figured you'd be up.

Ryan is finally asleep.

End of the episode.